Chosen
by idon'tedit
Summary: Harry had a twin, her name was Bianca Potter. Hagrid thought she was dead and left her behind to be collected by a muggle orphanage. This is what it was like for her to find out about being a wizard, and attending Hogwarts as the girl celebrity.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys, you're probably surprised to be seeing an update on this story since it was completed a long time ago. I've decided to follow a new Hollywood tradition and reboot this story! I read it back to myself recently and there were some things I wish I had done differently, so I thought rewriting it might make me feel a little better about it. Not to mention that I have grown as a writer quite a bit since writing this fanfiction, which was one of my first fanfictions, and I love the storyline so much that I want it to reflect that growth. So I hope you will still enjoy it as it changes.**

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_**Song for this chapter: Fishin' by Takenobu**_

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Albus Dumbledore was sitting at his desk flipping through the book he had penned with his dear friend Flammel about the many uses of dragon's blood. It had been a fairly uneventful Halloween at the castle, and sadly he had eaten too many lemon drops this evening, and there was no hope of falling to sleep before he settled enough to go to bed.

His attention was drawn away from his book when he a soft spoken female voice called out to him. His eyes immediately shot to the small portrait propped up on his desk that had been empty for months now, and his heart began to slam against his ribcage when he saw that Ariana was present in her frame once more, and she looked terrified.

"It has happened Albus!" she said quickly. "Their Secret Keeper has given up the location, and he has found them. There is still at least one child alive, I could hear the cries from my frame by the fireplace. The house is going to collapse soon."

Albus was on his feet immediately, he swept his cloak up from the back of his chair and threw it over his shoulders as he went.

"Is Tom still there," he called over his shoulder.

"No, he has gone," Ariana told him with the tiniest of smiles in her voice. "It is his departure that caused the explosion that threatens to level the house yet."

"Please be waiting at the Hogsheade to let Hagrid through," Albus instructed as he flew through the open door to his office and began descending the stairs.

* * *

Hagrid had been sleeping when Albus had begun pounding on his door. He could see the weariness in his eyes when he opened the door with his crossbow in hand. Albus wondered briefly if he always opened the door that way when it was dark outside, but shelved such curiosities for later. Instead he set his hand atop the bow and pushed it down so it was not aimed at him.

"Hagrid, the Potter's have been attacked," he said grimly. "I have it on good authority that the house has been severely damaged, and that a rescue mission to save the children is in order.

"Only children Dumbledore?" Hagrid asked, his eyes immediately growing more alert.

"My source did not say for sure, but she gave me the impression that James and Lily did not make it," Albus said grimly. "I have emergency business to attend to. Can you retrieve Bianca and Harry and take them to Number 4 Privet Drive?"

"O' course," Hagrid said, his chest puffing up at being given such an important task.

"Go to The Hogs Head," Albus said with a nod. "Ariana's portrait will know what to do. I shall meet you at the children's new home this evening."

"Yes sir," he nodded, propping his crossbow against the wall before stepping out into the darkness and pulling the door to his hut closed behind him.

* * *

The walk from the castle to The Hogs Head seemed far too long to Hagrid, and his feet far too heavy as he walked toward what was surely the end of the world. How could it be true? The Potters gone? He couldn't bear the thought, and the idea that he would soon see the evidence for himself shook something deep within his chest. He could feel his eyes burning as he marched toward the beginning of a new world, but he fought not to let his tears fall.

He was surprised to find that the door to the seedy bar was open, and a lone candle was burning in its holder at the center of a table near the door. Sitting at the table was Aberforth Dumbledore, but tonight he had no smile to share with Hagrid when he stepped inside. Instead he simply stood from the table and gestured with his arm that Hagrid was to follow him.

"Prepare yourself for another long walk," Aberforth said tiredly as he lead him up the rickety stair case that Hagrid had never had reason to climb. "The tunnel is imbued with magic so you will not be crossing the full distance, but it will still take some time. This is the only way into the house without the Secret Keeper telling us the address, though guarding the portrait hardly seems to matter now does it?"

"How's it work?" Hagrid asked when they came to a stop in front of a tall portrait of a young woman.

"All of Ariana's portraits are linked," Aberforth explained, his eyes locked on the young woman. "Two of them are full sized like this, and between them is a passage that a person can cross through. The other used to be in the old Dumbledore home in Godric's Hollow, but Albus moved it into wherever the Potters are staying before the house became secret kept."

"So I jus' go through the picture?" Hagrid asked, reaching out to run his fingers over the very solid canvas.

"No you go through the tunnel behind it," Aberforth said with a shake of the head.

He grabbed the edge of the frame, and pulled the portrait away from the wall, revealing a tunnel with dirt hewn walls that visibly swelled large enough to accommodate Hagrid's berth. He spared one last bleary eyed glance over his shoulder at Aberforth and then he climbed into the tunnel. There was an other-worldly light that within the tunnel that kept it from going pitch black when the portrait swung shut behind him, but it was still darker than Hagrid would have liked.

* * *

He walked through the tunnel for what felt like days, or even years, though his watch said he was only in the tunnel for roughly an hour before the ground beneath his feet shifted to an incline. As he climbed up the hill that had been created he began to notice a change in the air. It grew warmer and it was filled with the smell of smoke and dust. He began to grow nervous of what he would find on the other side of the portrait when the smells began to process within his mind. Was the house burning?

Finally, the tunnel ended, and he was confronted with a wall that was really a door. There tiny lines of light seeping through the edges of where the portrait met the wall. He pushed lightly on it, and the portrait swung open revealing a scene of destruction that stole the air out of his lungs. Furniture was overturned, walls were caving in on themselves, and rubble was strewn across the floor.

None of that was as hard to look at as the sight where the front door should have been. The door had been blasted off of its hinges, and it was laying on the floor, half concealing two bodies. Hagrid bit his lip against the wail that threatened to break free when he recognized who lay there. It was plain as day that James Potter had been holding his daughter when he went to answer the door. Perhaps he had assumed it was a friendly visitor, since the house was secret kept?

Now he was face down on the floor, his glasses hanging off his face, his eyes wide and staring without life in them. It hardly seemed necessary, but Hagrid touched his neck to check for a pulse. Of course there was not one, and Hagrid's eyes wandered to the tiny girl with a crop of auburn hair. Her eyes were closed, and she looked as if she were sleeping. Except for the fact that she had sustained some sort of injury to her back, and the cloth of her jumper had been soaked through with blood. His fingers shook as he pressed them gently to her tiny throat.

He could no longer hold the tears at bay when he did not feel a pulse. He threw himself bodily away from her, wailing his grief at the loss of such a young life. The house gave and eerie creak as he stumbled blindly up the stairs toward the sound of a crying baby. His mind was torn between the horror of Bianca not surviving, and the depressing truth that Harry was still alive and all by himself. What were they to say to him if he ever asked about what happened to his family?


	2. Chapter 2

_**Song for this chapter: Simplicity Has a Paradox by The Seven Mile Journey**_

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**10 years later**

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I don't remember coming to live in the orphanage, even the first few years I was here are an indecipherable blur. Somehow it seems impossible that I will ever forget the years that stay clear in my memory. No matter how much I might like too. At first, I was small and I didn't understand. I didn't understand that I was different, or that the place I lived in wasn't normal. I believed that the other girls that lived alongside me were my siblings. It took years to understand that I was different from them.

I first began to notice that something was strange when I began attending primary school. The children I met there were so happy, and the talked of parents, as in plural. They had a mother and a father, they did not have a man named Tony who was forever in a rotten mood. As far as I could gather they lived in small, comfortable homes, where there may or may not be a few other children. I began to wonder why there were twenty-five children where I lived, and why our home was so uncomfortable.

I began to understand that Tony was a bad man when I made the mistake of asking him about our home. I learned that what I lived in was an orphanage on the same night that I learned how painful it was to be slapped across the face. I had seen Tony slap some of the other girls before, but he had never done it to me before then. I thought they had been naughty to deserve it, but after I had been slapped for daring to ask a question I began to wonder if it was Tony that was bad.

By the time I turned ten I began to notice that I didn't look like the other girls, not just in my class, but in my home as well. Some of the older girls looked like me, but those around my age, that were ten or eleven looked nothing like me. They were skinny and somewhat shapeless. If it weren't for their hair they could easily be mistaken for boys if you looked at them from a distance. I wasn't like that. For some reason that no one seemed to understand why I was putting on weight and developing curves unlike the other girls. It might not have upset me if I didn't see the way Tony's eyes started to linger on me more often.

* * *

I woke up to a loud pounding on the door of the closet masquerading as the room that Sarah and I shared. Even sitting in my bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I knew it would be Tony on the other side of the door. He would be expecting me to clean up his sitting room and set out the drinks and snacks for the party he was hosting this evening. It had become my task to prepare for these little gatherings a few years back, and while I hated it I preferred it to working during the parties. I hadn't any idea what went on behind those doors, but there was a haunted look in the eyes of the older girls that worked during the parties that warned me off. I did not want to know where those shadows came from.

I scrambled out of bed and launched myself at the door. Tony tended to lose his temper if he had to knock a second time. I threw the door open quickly, stifling a gasp of surprise when he grabbed my shoulder roughly and stopped myself from fighting it when he pulled me roughly into the hall. His fingers bit into my skin as he pulled me along with him, but I bit my lip to keep from crying out. He was moving so quickly I nearly had to run to keep up with him, and when he kept on walking right past the kitchen I became confused.

"I'm sorry I took such a long nap," I said breathlessly, trying to keep pace with him. "I'll just go get things ready for your party?"

"Not tonight girl," he growled, and I wished he would just use my name. "It's your birthday. This year you're old enough to move on to new things."

"I'm only eleven today," I rushed, fear clogging my veins as I considered the possibilities of what he might ask of me. "What can I do now that I couldn't do at ten?"

"Oh you don't look eleven sweetheart," he said as he tucked my un-brushed hair behind my ear. "You could easily pass for fourteen. Just the right age for Jon."

My stomach turned as I realized I would be doing whatever it was that the older girls had been doing for years now. I tried to gather my courage, but it was a struggle as he threw me bodily into a room just down the hall from the kitchen that I had never been into. The other girls were there, and they were surrounded by hanging dresses, shoes, makeup, and just about anything a girl could need to make herself look pretty. The pretty room was strangely at odds with the cluster of haunted girls.

"Make sure she wears pink," Tony barked at Elizabeth. "Put her hair up like yours."

Elizabeth gave him a stiff nod, and he turned on his heal and stormed out of the room. The door slammed shut behind him and I jumped at the noise of it before going very still. My breathing seemed to be coming too quickly, so I just stared at the closed door while I tried to bring it under control. A squeak of surprise escaped me when a hand landed on my shoulder. I spun around and found myself face to face with a very sad faced Elizabeth.

"I thought you were only ten." she asked me quietly. "Why has he sent you?"

"It's my birthday," I whispered around the lump that was forming in my throat. "I'm eleven, but Tony says I look fourteen."

"I suppose you do…" she sighed in resignation. "If he wants you in pink that means he's giving you to Jon. He has an inclination for darker hair, but we will have to do what we can."

She slid her hand off of my shoulder and took my hand and tugged me gently over to the dress wrack. I watched as she flipped through a cluster of pink dresses. She spared each one a brief glance before she pushed it too the other side of the rack and looked at the next one. I didn't know what she was looking for, but I waited patiently for her to decide. In the end she pulled a pink dress made of silk that reminded me of the kimonos I had seen in one of my history books at school

"Jon will like this one I think," she sighed and handed the dress over.

"Who is Jon?" I asked, taking the dress in my shaking hand.

"He's one of the regulars," she explained without really explaining at all.

"Regulars?" I pushed.

"You know, one of the guys that pays to come to these parties, on a regular basis." She said as she began digging through a pile of black shoes on the ground. "He always came to see Jessica, but she aged out of the system last week and ran away. So now Jon will need a new companion."

"Companion?" I questioned.

"A girl too… entertain him," she said quietly before coughing delicately. "Listen, just try not to make him angry, and it will make it easier."

"Um… ok…" I answered.

"Hurry and put that dress on so I can help you with your hair and makeup before Tony comes back," she said as she gave me the shoes.

She crossed the room and began dressing in her own outfit made mostly of black lace. I averted my eyes and stared at the dress clenched between my fists. I didn't want anyone to see my change, but there didn't seem to be anywhere else to do it. I closed my eyes and pretended that none of the other girls where there while I stripped away my pajamas and slid the silky dress over my head. It was very nice, and I looked pretty in it, but a feeling in my gut told me that wasn't going to work to my benefit today. I slid the shoes onto my feet, and very nearly fell right on to the floor when I tried to walk in them. The heels were perilous, but I managed to teeter my way over to the vanity that Elizabeth was waiting at.

"Just watch your feet while you're walking tonight. I'll teach you how to walk in those shoes properly tomorrow." She coached with a pained smile. "Now sit here while I get you dolled up."

I could tell by how quickly she worked at applying my makeup that she had done this quite a few times. I watched in the mirror as my face changed under her hands. My skin seemed even smoother, and my eyes brighter when she framed them with black shadow. My lips seemed larger when she covered them in a shining red stain. I hardly recognized myself as she deftly pulled my hair back into a messy bun that somehow managed to look elegant even when she had simply fastened it with an elastic and let gravity do the rest of the work. I stared at my changed image in the mirror as she set to work finishing her own face, until I was startled out of my reverie by the door being thrown open once more.

* * *

"Elizabeth, Bianca, Ashley, and Launa, your clients have arrived. Head into the sitting room," Tony barked. "And don't forget to smile."

I fell in line with the other girls as they hurried into the sitting room. I tried to force a smile onto my face, but it felt more like a grimace than anything else. The other girls sauntered over to three of the men in the room, and I was left staring awkwardly at the balding man sitting in the green velvet armchair. I gave him a slight curtsey before tottering on unsteady feet over to him.

"You must be Jon," I said quietly.

"Yes," he said with a creepy smile that only added to the disturbing image created by his fat stomach lapping over his jeans and hanging out under the bottom of his sweat stained white tank top. I hoped that the disgust I felt wasn't showing on my face. "You must be the new girl. Bianca is it?"

"Yes," I squeaked, looking my eyes on his so I wouldn't have to see the rest of him.

"Why don't you come sit on my lap?" he suggested, patting his jean clad knee as if her were St. Nicholas.

I swallowed down my disgust and fear and did as he asked me to. From where I was perched I didn't have to look at him, but looking at the other girls around the room in similar positions did nothing to calm me. The men that held them were being entirely inappropriate and I felt a cold sweat break out along my back at the thought that Jon might touch me in that way. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about what was happening, but I felt it when Jon grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him.

"Open your eyes," he barked at me, and I complied immediately though tears sprung up in my eyes as his hand began to creep up my leg. "That's better, but tears are for babies and you aren't a baby are you?"

I shook my head, but the tears only fell more quickly. I felt myself start to shake as his hands traveled higher. When his hand ghosted over my chest I sprung away from him. I would take whatever punishment was coming from Tony but I could not allow this man to touch me like that.

"Come here," he yelled at me as he grabbed a fist full of my hair. "I didn't pay Tony good money so I could play some stupid game of chase with you little girl. You will do what I like when I like."

He crushed his lips to mine and I gagged at the taste sour taste of alcohol on his breath. I tried to fight his hold and pull my face free but he was much stronger than me. He tried to force his tongue into my mouth and I started smacking his chest in fear and anger. He released me and I thought I was home free but then his hand smashed into the side of my head and I saw starts. Sobs exploded from my chest as I covered my face and cowered away from him. The door flew open with a bang as his hands fisted on the front of my dress pulling me against him.

I turned my head to look at the door, expecting to see Tony coming to force me to give this man what he wanted, but instead I saw a very strange looking man. He had a long silver beard that matched his hair, and sparkling electric blue eyes that reminded me of my own. They sat behind his half-moon spectacles as he glares at Jon. He was wearing a purple robe of some kind, and had a small stick in his hands. What was most striking about his presence was the anger that seemed to radiate off of him. It was absolutely terrifying and felt as if she could burn you to ash just with his eyes.

"You will release the girl at once," he said in a firm and powerful voice. I fell to the floor almost immediately and I understood he had been talking to Jon and Jon had listened. "All of you will stop touching these girls at once. The muggle authorities are on their way to deal with this situation."

He quickly crossed the room and offered me his hand. I scurried away from him, not sure what he wanted and just as afraid of him as I was of Jon. He slowly lowered himself down to my level on the floor, demonstrating quite a bit of flexibility for a man of his age, and he put his hand out to me again.

"I won't hurt you Bianca Potter," he said in a slow even voice that was reassuring.

I looked into his eyes, wondering how he knew my name, and it felt certain that he was being honest. I still didn't understand what he wanted, but something told me that I should trust him.

"Who are you?" I asked, wiping the tears from my eyes to see him better.

"My name is Albus Dumbledore, I am the headmaster of a school that has been trying to send you you're acceptance letter to no avail for some time now," he said softly, not lowering his extended hand. "Your parents enrolled you a long time ago, but when they died many thought you had as well. It was only recently that we became away that this wasn't the case. I have come to offer you safe passage and a warm place to sleep at night until school starts in a month."

"What school?" I asked, lowering my voice to the quiet tone he had been using.

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," he said conspiratorially.

"Wizardry?" I questioned.

"Yes," he said with a slight nod. "There is much to explain, and I promise I will in good time, but it's best if we are gone by the time the authorities arrive here. Will you take my hand?"

I couldn't explain my trust in this man, but it was there. If anything I feared him less than Tony or Jon, so I nodded slowly and took his hand. Together we stood, and then he quickly pulled me in close to his chest and turned to left. Through my shock I registered a loud cracking sound, and then there was a terrible squeezing sensation as if I were being passed through a tiny hose. Before I knew it the unpleasant sensation ended and my eyes were open once more. I looked around, ignoring the way my stomach was turning, and took in the grassy hills around us and the gate directly in front of us. Beyond the gate and sweeping grounds I saw a great stone castle that took my breath away. It appeared he hadn't been lying about being a wizard.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Song for this chapter: We Insist by Zo**__**ë**__** Keating**_

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"Where are we?" I asked when he had released my hand, my eyes still locked on the castle up ahead of us.

"Hogwarts," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice as he swung the gate open and beckoned for me to follow him up to the castle. "I think we ought to visit Madam Pomfrey before we sit down to talk more."

"Who is that?" I questioned, following in the wake of his billowing robes.

"She is the nurse and caregiver here," he told me kindly, turning to give me a twinkling smile. "She works in the hospital wing, and she'll want to make sure you are uninjured after tonight as well as giving you a general checkup since you of course are supposed to be deceased."

"About that…" I hedged, my interest peaking once more. "What exactly are you talking about?"

"Well as I have told you, your parents were wizards. They were famous and powerful wizards, and this drew quite a bit of attention to them before you and your brother were born." He explained as he lead me closer to the castle. "Shortly before you birth there were two prophecies made by two different seers. One was about your brother, which has no mention of you, and the other, turned out to be about you the we did not know that until we saw you. Of course we assumed the prophecy had been interpreted incorrectly when the attempt on the lives of you and your family seemed to have been successful in the case of everyone other than Harry."

"What prophecy?" I asked in a rush trying to process all of the information he had given me. "And why did everyone think I was dead?"

"Well, firstly, everyone assumed you were dead because of me. I sent my good friend Hagrid to retrieve you and your brother. He stopped to retrieve you first, but he did not feel a pulse. You were positioned under the weight of your deceased father, and appeared very much to have passed on. Thus it was recorded so, without us knowing that you have been discovered later that night by the muggle authorities and sent to live in that dreadful place I found you in." he explained all of this politely, until the very last sentence where his eyes hardened. "As for the prophecy, the basic summation was that the new great power for our world would be born, and would be know through the electricity flowing through her eyes. A similar prophecy was made shortly before my birth, and I am considered to be the great good power of our world, thus we knew to look for eyes like mine. I am sure you have noticed the similarities."

I stared at him open mouthed as we mounted the stone steps that led up to large wooden doors that served as the entrance to the castle. I attempted to wrap my mind around the idea of people thinking I was powerful, but I couldn't imagine it. If I were powerful how had I ended up in the situation I had been it? If I were magical how was I unable to save myself? And if all of this were true, why had he only now come for me?

"How did you find me?" I asked quietly as he pushed the doors open. "Why would you even be looking for me if I was supposed to be dead?"

"Your name never disappeared from the registry for the school. I hadn't checked it in years as the letters that go out to the students are generated automatically. On the night in question I certainly hadn't been looking at the registry or I might have noticed much sooner that you were still on it." He said as he waved me into the massive entrance hall ahead of him. "A few years back, I took it out to check the name for curiosities sake, and I was flabbergasted to see that yours was still there. Even more striking your name was glowing indicating that you were using magic. It was clear that you powers were manifesting."

"Powers?" I interrupted. "I have never used any sort of magic in my life."

"It wouldn't have been magic in the way you imagine it," he said as we passed four large hours glasses and began to climb a set of marble stairs. "Underage, untrained wizards, frequently use bits of magic when they are experiencing heightened emotions. The spell you appeared to be working at the time was a fairly strong repellent charm, but I', assuming you couldn't see the person you were repelling away from you, so you would have no idea you were even doing it."

I let him lead me on up the stairs and through ancient corridors that would have been at home in an old movie about princesses while I tried to process what he was saying. There had been odd little things when I was growing up that perhaps deserved a bit more investigation. I could remember a time when I had been so upset about having to clean the kitchen for a second time after Tony had ruined all of my hard work with a drunken fit. I had screamed in frustration and that had been followed directly by a five second lapse in electricity. When the kitchen lights came back on the entire kitchen had been spotless again. I had assumed I was too tired to think straight and just went to bed.

There had been another time, and I wondered if it was the night Albus had been looking at the registry, when I knew a particularly fierce beating was coming my way. I had spilled a drink on the chair one of Tony's guests always used, and there was no way it was going to be dry in time for the party. Tony had been livid and told me to get to my room immediately and he would be there in five minutes to deal with me. I kept wishing that he would just stay away from me, but I heard him stomping quickly my way. Somehow he never made it to my room though. The stomping sound sopped several feet from my door and didn't seem to be able to come any further. I had cried myself to sleep that night worrying about when he would finally come. I could think of several other examples, and these made my heart soar with the idea that he just might be right.

"How did you fin me?" I asked again.

"After I saw your name I began to investigate what had happed that night," he answered somberly. "The muggle paperwork from the authorities that found you seemed to have disappeared into the wind and was of little help to me. I resorted to traveling through England tracking underage magic. In my many years I have learned how to feel the depth of magic around me, and I was able to eliminate much of what I felt because it was weaker than your magic. I have slowly wound my search in until I ended up in London. I've been searching the town for months now without much luck, but tonight your magic flare like a bright light. You were on the verge of a powerful magical fit and it drew me to you as if I were following a map. I am glad I found you before it was unleashed for it would likely have caused a fair bit of damage to you and your attacker."

"Oh… thank you by the way," I said quickly, sobering instantly at the memory of hands on my body. "What happens now?"

"Well my immediate concern is you well being," he said as he lead me into yet another corridor. "Tomorrow we can focus on getting the things you will need for school as well as for your room in my flat."

"Your flat?" I questioned, not sure how to ask why he was taking me in.

"Yes," he said as if it were the most simple thing in the world. "I would love for you to be able to move in with your brother and your living relatives, but Hagrid has informed me of how they treat Harry, and I can infer from their behavior that another child would not be welcome."

He paused when we reached another set of large wooden doors. He pushed them open revealing a room full of hospital bed with large windows on the far end that let it what was left of the dying light outside. He motioned for me to enter ahead of him once more.

"Staying with just any foster parent would not be safe or comfortable with someone of your reputation, so the safest place I could think of for you to be during the breaks in school was under my care." He explained. "Though sometimes when I travel my dear friend Minerva may look over you in my steed."

"Okay," I agreed easily, finding that I did not take issue with staying with him in the slightest. I seemed to be rapidly developing some sort of hero pedestal for him. "Are we staying here tonight?"

"Yes, I imagine so," he said as he began walking towards an elderly nurse who was waiting in the middle of the aisle created by the beds. "I presume Poppy will want to keep you over night."

"Yes sir," the short plump woman said as she swept a critical eye over me. "She looks like she could use a good nutrition potion or two, which should be observed in its first dosage in case of side effects."

"Potion," I whispered to myself in awe, still not quite able to wrap my mind aaround the idea that these magical things I was surrounded with were real.

"I set a hospital gown behind the curtain here," she said with a sweeping motion toward the curtain in question. "Please change into it before we being the exam."

I gave her a small nod and scampered off to change out of the horrible dress that felt dirty on my flesh. I could hear the pair of them talking as I shucked the silken fabric, and I could understand the concerns she was expressing to my rescuer. It wasn't the first time I had heard someone say I didn't look my age, and it likely wouldn't be the last. She seemed concerned that some sort of enhancement had been forced upon me, and I couldn't help but shudder at the very idea. Albus gave her permission to ask me about it but stated that he didn't think it was the case. I took a deep breath once the gown was in place, and I stepped out from behind the partition to let her know I was ready.

* * *

The exam was not as bad as I expected it to be. She measured my height and my weight, taking note of them on a chart before she checked my vision and my hearing. She seemed concerned that I was slightly underweight but did not seem to find me otherwise deficient. She then began checking me for injuries and I grew more uncomfortable. When she began to touch me I allowed my focus to wander, having absolutely no interest in experiencing another person's hands on my body tonight no matter how gentle they might be.

It wasn't until I was sitting in front of a fire, and I heard Albus talking to me that I realized I had hidden away somewhere in my mind. I was surprised to find myself sitting next to my rescuer with absolutely no idea what he was talking about, nor any idea how long her had been speaking to me. I met his eyes for a moment before looking at his lips as if they could tell me what I had missed.

"Ahh, you're back with us now," he said congenially, drawing my gaze back to his eyes as a blush crept into my cheeks.

"Sorry," I mumbled, fidgeting with my hands in my lap. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing of importance," he chuckled. "I was reciting the London Underground schedule while I waited for you to come back around."

"How long was I…" I hesitated, unsure of how to word what had happened. "Away…?"

"A little over an hour," he said with a soft smile. "The human mind is a wondrous thing. It seems when the you realized that your exam might be less than pleasant you retreated into the recesses of your mind so as not to experience it."

"That's weird," I chuckled uncomfortably before changing the subject. "Will you tell me more about my brother?"

"Ah Harry. His full name is Harry James Potter. He got his middle name from your father. Your middle name of course comes from your mother Ms. Bianca Lily Potter," he said with a smirk. "He lives with your aunt Petunia and uncle Vernon as well as your cousin Dudley in Surry. Hagrid has gone to retrieve your brother, as it seems your relatives intended to keep him from coming to school…"

"Why would they do that?" I asked, flummoxed.

"Not everyone is fond of magic." He said with a slight frown. "They had hoped to stomp it out of your brother. As surely they would have tried with you if they had known you were alive."

He paused as he shook his head in what could only be described as frustration.

"Hagrid has been watching your brother for a few days now while he's been trying to deliver his letter." He went on. "IT seems your brother is a kind little boy, who is treated entirely unfairly by the entire family."

"Letter?" I prodded.

"Yes, the letter telling him he had been admitted to Hogwarts. I have one for you in my office. Do you wish to see it?" he asked.

"I don't suppose I need to. Seeing as I am already here…" I laughed. "So what else has Hagrid learned about Harry?"

"Well, it seems that Dudley bullies him quite a bit," Albus admitted. "His hair is impossibly messy, and he wears glasses. Neither of which hides his scar very well."

"Scar?" I asked my had going instinctually to my chest where one of my own scars resided.

"He has a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead." Albus explained. "It is the mark from where the killing curse touched him."

"We have matching scars…" I mused as I wondered at how a person could survive a killing curse.

"You have a lightning bolt shaped scar as well?" he asked, his own interested clearly peaked. "May I see it?"

"I have two actually, and since you said it comes from a curse I'm guess that the spell somehow passed right through me," I said thoughtfully as I pulled the hospital gown partially open so he could see the mark over my heart. "I have one on my back as well. They line up perfectly, as if a giant bolt shaped object pierced through my chest."

"It looks as if it passed directly through your heart," he whispered mostly to himself with a grim look on his face. "You should have died before your father did. While I am certainly glad you survived, I don't understand how that happened. Before the Potter twins it was unheard of for someone to survive the killing curse."

"I suppose I used up my life's supply of luck to survive it," I said with a dark chuckle, thinking of just how unlucky my childhood had been so far. "It sounds as if Harry did as well. Speaking of Harry, when do you think I will get to meet him?"

"If we're lucky, and Hagrid is lucky with his task as well, we will run into them tomorrow when we pick up your things for school," he answered. "If we don't manage to catch up with them I'm afraid you won't be able to meet him until the start of term. Your aunt and uncle are bound to be very upset with him, and I doubt he will be allowed any visitors when he returns from his travels with Hagrid."

"Okay," I sighed. "I think I'd like to sleep now. Will you wake me in the morning?"

"It would be my pleasure," he said as he stood to leave. "Sleep peacefully and dream delicate dreams."

I watched his robes billow out behind him until they whipped around the corner when he walked off down the hallway. I climbed into the bed behind the curtain after that. My eyes were heavy and I imagined that I was asleep before my head made contact with the pillow.

* * *

Albus woke me the next morning, and I was surprised I could have still been sleeping when the sun was shining so brightly. He told me to put on the clothes that were waiting for me on the bedside table and to meet him by the door that lead out of the hospital wing when I was ready. As soon as he was certain I wasn't going to lay back down he passed beyond the curtain that hid my bed.

I slid out of bed and threw on the jeans and t-shirt that had been provided for me. I wondered where they had come from but I didn't ask. I was grateful to having something other than that dress to wear. I jogged down the aisle between the beds to catch up with him at the door. He gave me a smile as I approached and then turned to walk out of the room clearly expecting me to follow him.

"how are we getting to London?" I asked as I trotted after him.

"We are going to use floo powder," he said as he lead me into a room with a large fireplace. "Normally the floo network is closed to Hogwarts, but I have this fireplace opened temporarily so we won't have to apparate again. It can be terribly unpleasant."

"Is that what we did last night? Apparate?" I asked, the word feeling strange in my mouth.

"Yes. Underage wizards are only permitted to do slide-along, which is when an adult wizard brings them along, but it is not encouraged as I can be dangerous and end painfully." He explained. "It's easier to just use the floo network."

"And what is the floo network?" I asked, trying to keep everything straight.

"Perhaps you shall be a Ravenclaw," he said with a somewhat confusing smile. "It's a network that magically connects all the wizarding fire places of the world. You throw floo powder into any of those fireplaces, step into the fire, say your destination, and you will be transported there."

"Step into the fire?" I gasped.

"Oh don't worry, the fire is altered by the powder, at the most it will tickle you, and nothing more." He laughed. "Be sure to speak clearly though, or else you may end up in the wrong location. And of course, tuck in your elbows for safety, and close your eyes to avoid dizziness."

"Okay, what am I saying when I step in?" I asked holding my hand out for some of the power.

"On second thought, maybe you'll be a Gryffindor," he laughed as he gave me a pinch of powder. "Just say 'The Leaky Cauldron' in a clear voice. I'll be right behind you."

"Okay," I nodded taking the powder and dropping it into the fireplace.

My inner monologue wondering what Gryffindors and Ravenclaws where was disrupted in my distraction over the flames turning green. I hurried forward, not knowing if the powder would run out, and not wanting to get burned. I stepped into to the flames, and let my shoulders relax in relief when I did not feel a burning sensation.

"The Leaky Cauldron," I said as clearly as I could, and then I felt myself being thrown forward at an alarming rate.

I saw a few fireplaces that lead into other homes before I quickly snapped my eyes shut to avoid the nausea that was building with each rapid spin. Before I knew it I was being dumped out onto the floor of what appeared to be a dark pub. I started dusting myself off, and I was quickly joined by Albus who somehow managed not to have a speck of soot on him.

"Here, let me get that for you," he chuckled before he waved his wand in my direction.

I looked down to see that my clothes were spotless once more. When I looked back up I saw that much of the pub was staring at us, and I quickly felt a blush rising in my cheeks. To my own surprise if not Albus's, I felt my feet move me so I was hiding behind Albus. I peeked around his arm so I could keep an eye on everyone that was watching me.

"Hello there Albus," said a bartender with no visible teeth who appeared to be cleaning the bar. "Are you here for a drink, or are you on the same business as Hagrid?"

"Ahh, Hagrid has been through then Tom?" he asked with a smile. "Did he have Harry with him?"

"Yes he did, and what an honor it was to meet him," Tom said with a big gummy smile. "They left just a bit ago to buy his school things."

"Marvelous," Albus said, clapping his hands together. "Perhaps we will catch them, we are after school supplies as well."

"Who've you got with you?" Tom asked as he turned to try and get a better look at me, the rest of the pub followed suit.

"Well, I suppose word is going to get out soon enough anyway," Albus puzzled to himself aloud. "I have recently made an interesting discovery. Did you know little Bianca Potter actually lived on that dreary night so long ago? She was found by the muggles and sent to an orphanage. I am taking her to get her school things today."

"Oh my stars in heaven," Tom gasped from the bar, as several people stood from their tables and tried to get a better look at me. "It can't be…"

"I assure you I speak the truth," Albus said as he turned and looked at me. "Would it bother you terribly to meet Tom the inn keeper?"

"No," I whispered before glancing around the pub. "Why are they all staring at me."

"You are a bit famous my dear," he whispered back, as if he were playing along with me. "The effect you have on people will fade over time. They are just a bit shocked. You were believed to be dead after al."

"Okay," I whispered as I forced my feet to move me out from my hiding place behind him before clearing my throat to speak. "Hi… um, I'm Bianca. It's nice to meet you all."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So I rarely do this… but I'd love it if I could get some reviews to let me know if people are actually reading this reboot. I'd love you forever :)**

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: Break away by Kelly Clarkson**_

* * *

"It's really her," Tom said as he moved closer to me. "By Merlin, she is the spitting image of Lil, well aside from the eyes. How do you suppose she's alive Albus?"

"Ahh, there is much yet to be learned Tom," Albus said in a non-committal way. "Time will tell. We really must be going however."

Tome was mumbling something to Albus as we passed, but I paid him no mind as my gaze travelled over the other people who were still staring at me. I followed quickly behind Albus while trying not to step on his robes in the process. I was rather confused to find us facing a plain brick wall. I had just opened my mouth to ask what we were doing, but then he drew his wand and started tapping bricks in what was clearly a well-practiced pattern. I tried to memorize what he had done, but it was over too quickly to tell.

As soon as he drew his wand away from the bricks they began to rotate away from us. The scraping sound as the bricks moved over one another was irritating, but I was far more interested in what was being revealed behind the opening in the brick wall. It grew larger and larger until we were standing before an archway leading into a cobblestone street that seemed to have come from another time. I felt as if I had stepped back into the past as I crossed into the street that was devoid of electricity and full of otherworldly shops. Robed men and women were walking in between the shops collecting the strangest things. There was an old woman hobbling along with a small golden cauldron, and a bit further up the street there was a little boy hopping up and down and pointing to a little toy brook that hovered about a foot off the ground.

"Wow," I whispered. "I take it flying brooms are real then?"

"Yes," Albus said with another of his twinkling smiles. "That one over there is just a child's toy. IT won't go higher than three feet in the air, so as to keep the child safe if they fall. The real brooms are much bigger, and most do not have height restrictions on them at all."

"Oh," I said, biting my tongue against a flood of questions about brooms when it dawned on me that I could never actually buy one. "Um… how am I supposed to pay for school supplies? I haven't got any money."

"You're parents left a fair amount of for both you and Harry," he explained quietly. "However, as you re my ward, I will pay for your things. If you wish to use money from your family account for personal purchases you are more than welcome too, but I might suggest that you save the majority of it until you come of age."

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling a bit overwhelmed. "I mean if I have money, you shouldn't waste yours on me."

"I wouldn't consider it wasted," he said softly, stopping so he could face me fully. "Bianca, I have never had a family of my own, and I would like to treat you how I would if you were my own. I don't mean to suggest that I could replace your parents, please don't mistake me."

"Okay," I choked out around the tears that wanted to fall when I felt the depth of his sincerity. "I've always wanted a family."

"Speaking of family, I am still hoping to run into your brother while we are here today," Albus said as he conspicuously adjusted his spectacles. "I took the liberty of pulling out a few galleons and sickles from your account in case you find something not on the shopping list that you want."

He handed me a small bag, as well as a little black booklet. I opened the bag and saw the strangest money I'd ever encountered. I was losing my ability to be shocked by the unknown, but I was still curious. I made a mental note to ask which ones where which, and then I opened the black booklet. I soon realized it was a bank ledger and thought I might choke.

"That's a very big number," I gasped. "Of course, I don't know the value of any of it, but that's a big number. What are galleons, sickles, and knuts?"

"A galleon is the biggest in value, just as it is the largest coin. IT would be worth about 5 pounds in muggle currency. Then there is the sickle, seventeen of which would equal one galleon, and 29 knuts make one sickle." He explained while drawing numbers with his finger in the air before us. "Of course I don't know the muggle conversion for sickles and knuts… would you like me to find out for you?"

"No thank you," I said with a chuckle. "I don't imagine I need to know the value of muggle money anymore."

"No, it's not likely you will," he said, joining in my laughter. "Unless we take muggle vacations, but even then we could get our money converted at Gringotts before leaving. Then it's just a matter of following the marked price when out shopping. That's what I do anyway."

I couldn't help but laugh at the mental picture of Albus trotting around in his robes at the Eiffel tower while I followed him toward what looked like a bookstore. There were books that looked like they were alive in the front window, as well as books that were changing colors, and even one book that kept switched from visible to invisible.

"Why don't you have a look around while I pick up the books you'll need this year?" he said as we stepping into the shop. "You may find something you like."

I went immediately into the stacks, browsing the shelves without any idea where I should start. There were books about divination, which I summed up from the titles had to do with telling the future. There were books about transfiguration which seemed like a straight forward concept. There were spell books, charm books, potion books, and so many more. I saw books about Quidditch, though I had no idea what that was, and broom racing as well as a cluster of strangely named board games. I quickly found myself in a small alcove where the top of the bookshelf was labeled _for the confused_.

This seemed to have a plethora of books that would be helpful to me. I grabbed a small purple book titled _These Strange Things I Can DO: A Muggleborn's Guide to Early Wizardy_, a red book titled _I'm a What? For Those Who Just Learned of Magic_, and a thicker tome called _Hogwarts: A History_. They all seemed like books that would help me better understand what I was getting in to. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the combined totally for the three books was only one galleon, which would hardly break me.

I wandered back toward the front counter to buy them, and saw that Albus was just ahead of me in line. He paid for a tall stack of books, and then stepped to the side to wait for me after he saw me in line. I had to wait for two other customers before it was my turn. I set the books on the counter and the clerk smirked at me.

"Muggleborn?" he asked as he started to wave his wand over the names of my books, causing them to appear on a small piece of parchment that was adding the total at the bottom.

"I was raised by muggle," I said hoping he wouldn't ask for more information. "I just found out I'll be going to Hogwarts, and I wanted to have a little knowledge under my belt before I show up."

"Smart plan," he said with a nod. "Some older families have prejudiced thoughts about muggleborns, and will haze them. You can avoid that if you are knowledgeable about your world. Your total will be one galleon."

"Thanks," I said, handing over the galleon and taking my bag of books.

"Have a nice day," he called out brightly as I walked away.

"Will people really treat me badly for being raised by muggles?" I asked in a whisper as we left the shop.

"There are many biases in this world, but I don' think that one will be of particular issue for you," Albus said with a frown. "When people know who you are they won't think of how you grew up. You will be more closely tied to the fall of the Dark Lord, and the prophecy surrounding your birth."

"Right," I sighed, trying not to notice the weight that was settling on my shoulders. "Where to next?"

"I thought we might go find you a wand," he said as he shuffled me towards another shop.

"Okay," I beamed my excitement growing as I looked around for the wand shop. We walked right past the well-kept front and approached one with an aging front.

* * *

The letter were peeling off of the shop sign, but I saw that it said Olivander: Makers of Fine Wands Since 382 B.C. The window had only one wand in it, but the sign on the door said they were open. Albus pushed the door open and I could see dust filtering in the beam of sunlight that was created. I gave Albus a quizzical look but he wasn't facing me. He stepped into the shop so I followed him

The lighting was low, but it was fairly clean considering how much dust there was in the air. There were shelves full of thin boxes, not to mention clusters of them stacked on any available flat surface. It was then that I noticed a man in the corner waving a wand about, making some water flow back into a vase that was reattaching itself in the air.

"Just had a customer?" Albus said, breaking the silence and causing the little man to jump before turning to face us.

"Why Albus, nice to see you," that man who must be Olivander said as he set the repaired vase on the table and put the flowers back where they belonged. "I did in fact just sell a wand to the young Mr. Potter. It took us a bit to find the right one."

"I'd love to hear more about that later," he said with an interested glint in his eye before he dropped his hand casually on to my shoulder. "But for now, we need to find a wand for Bianca here."

"So it's true then," Olivander said as he moved closer to me, drawing my attention to his strange silver eyes as they scanned me. "I'd heard a whisper that she might be alive."

"She is very much alive," he laughed. "And very in need of a wand."

"Let's get started then shall we," Olivander said as he produced a tape measure that began measuring me of its own accord. "Are you right or left handed?"

"Left," I said as I watched the tape measure zooming around me.

"Intriuging. Your brother is right handed you know." he said.

"I didn't know actually," I answered, my eyes jumping back to the little man. "What else do you know about him?"

"Well he isn't the tallest first year I have helped pick their wand," he said as he snapped the tape measure out of the air and set it on the table before going to gather a few wand boxes. "He's pretty scrawny too. He has your mother's eyes, and the messiest hair I've seen since your father."

"Is he nice?" I asked as he came to stand before me with his first selection.

"Quite a nice young man," he nodded. "Why don't we try this one? Maple and unicorn hair, 12 inches, and semi flexible."

I took the wand and stood there for a moment. It felt sort of awkward in my hand, it was thicker than most sticks one might pick up while playing. I looked over to Albus, who had taken up residence on the stool by the window, and he simply nodded. I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, but I decided to mimic some of the waves I had seen him do previously. I made a swooping line in front of me, and the boxes of wands rattled on heir shelves. Some of them tumbled to the floor and Albus clapped enthusiastically.

"Nope, nope," Olivander said as he snatched the wand back before replacing it with another. "Try this one. Ivy and dragon heart string, 18 inches, good for charm work."

The wand felt far too long in my somewhat small hands. I flicked my wrist and the vase on the table beside me flew up and crashed into the wall, shattering yet again. I sighed and turned to look at Olivander.

"No, no, no, a bit too big I'd say." He muttered as he handed me a new wand. "Ash, phoenix feather, 8 inches."

The wand caused more destruction, and we continued down the same path until I lost count of how many wands had been put into my hands and them promptly taken away. The shop was practically in ruins, but Olivander seemed to get more and more excited as we went through wants. Albus continued clapping no matter what I broke by testing a wand. I was beginning to lose my patience when Olivander stopped handing me wands. Instead he reached into his shirt to pull out a necklace with a key on the end, a thoughtful look in his eye.

"After trying to find a wand for your brother, it should have occurred to me to start with something more exotic in your case," he said as he approached a locked cabinet. "Many years ago, I made a wad with a very rare core. Now a-days you can only find them in family heirlooms. I haven't taken it out of this safe since I had Albus over there try it many years ago. I was surprised when it didn't choose him."

"Is that the wand I remember?" Albus asked as he stood from the stool to come stand near me.

"Yes," Olivander said as he opened the box to reveal a small wand. It had a dark handle with a mostly light wand extending from it, which was broken occasionally by dark wood wrapping like vine around it. "This wand has yet to choose a wizard, but perhaps today."

"It's beautiful," I said without thinking as I stared at the wand in his hand.

"Yes. I carved it from a very special piece of willow. As you can see it has both dark and light hues in it," he said as he extended it out to be. "Its five and a half inches long, and it has a core of Chimera scales."

"Those are real?" I gasped as I reached for the wand. "I thought they were made up for stories."

"They are real, and very powerful, but also very rare." Olivander said as he gestured for me to take the wand. "Go ahead and give it a try."

I reached out to take the wand, and instantly felt a difference. Warmth spread through my hand and up my arm warming me entirely and I felt a smile forming on my face. I raised the wand up and twirled it a bit. Little golden bubbles came out of the end, and when one landed on my hand it burst and a tiny golden phoenix emerged. It took flight off of my arm, trilling a beautiful note before it disappeared.

"I think we have a match," Albus said, his eyes flitting around to watch the other tiny birds emerge from popping bubbles with a thoughtful gaze.

"You my dear are going to be a very powerful witch." Olivander said as he took the wand and put it back in the velvet box, and took it to the table to wrap it up for me. "The last true match for a Chimera scale wand, that has been recorded, was with Merlin. There are records of several other sales, but they all have notes from the salesmen or woman that they did not feel it was a proper match, but the patron was determined to buy the wand anyway."

"Why would you buy a wand that didn't choose you?" I asked in confusion as Albus handed him a pouch of money, and Olivander handed him the wand.

"Sometimes it can be for the stature of owning something of such high quality." Albus said as he joined me and handed over the wand. "Other times it can be because they know the wand is powerful, and they don't want to pass it up."

"Either way, it is never a wise choice," Olivander said with a shake of the head. "It can cause far too many complications."

"Thank you for your help Olivander," Albus said as he ushered me towards the door

"It was my pleasure." Olivander said as he waved us off and closed the door to his shop.

* * *

We finished picking up the rest of my school supplies. It was uneventful save for the highly uncomfortable fitting for robes at a shop where the woman seemed to handsy to me. Or perhaps it was just that the way she poked and prodded to make the robe fit perfectly reminded me a little too much of Elizabeth primping me for Jon. I wondered if the other girls had gotten away as Albus paid for my robes.

It always seemed that we were just a step behind Harry, and it was really starting to bring me down. I desperately wanted to meet him, but we couldn't seem to catch him. After we had all of my supplies we stopped at a window kiosk outside of Gringotts, which was a surprisingly large bank made of white marble. We converted some of our money to muggle currency, and then Albus lead me out of Diagon Alley and we took a trolley down to the mall.

I'd never own new clothes before, and my excitement over getting an entire wardrobe of new clothing in one day was hard to contain. We picked out bedding and decorations to put in the room I would have in his home, and based on furniture he suggested alone, I knew it would be far bigger than the room I had grown up in. Albus assured me that we didn't actually need to buy furniture, but encouraged me to show him which pieces I liked, so he could conjure it for me when we returned home. I was starting to think magic might be pretty darn sweet, even if it almost felt like theft to get something for free.

* * *

Spending time in the mall with Albus was an altogether thrilling experience. He made everything funny with his quick and quirky wit. He had a way of saying things that were poignant and important without making things seem heavy or intense. He made me feel like there was hope for the future, and believe that the past didn't have to change me.

Spending the last month of summer with him was just the same. It was amazing to experience the change that life under his room meant. I woke in the morning without fear of a beating waiting for me, and I knew that I would not be forced to attend to a party guest in the way that Tony had expected me too. For the first time I could looked into the eyes of the adult in charge of me, and know that he actually cared about my well-being.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Song for this chapter: Tip of My Tongue by The Civil Wars**_

* * *

All too soon summer was ending and it was time to go to school. Albus sat me down the night before I left to talk to me. He explained that as the headmaster of the school he would have to maintain some distance from me at school. In front of the other students I would have to call him Professor Dumbledore so as not to insinuate that he plays favorites. He had already made arrangements so we could have a meal together in his chambers once a week. It would keep either of us from feeling abandoned, but he said I could make good friends and not want to come every week and that he would understand if that happened. As someone who had never really had a friend, I didn't think that was likely to happened, but he shook his head at me.

Before I knew it my trunk was packed, and I was standing on the platform 9 and ¾ surrounded by people that would soon be my classmates. I wondered if the train seats were assigned, but my ticked didn't denote a certain carriage or anything like that. I was just about to say the hell with it and just climb aboard the train when a boy with striking blonde hair approached me.

"Hello there," he said in a sly voice while scanning me with his steely blue eyes. "My name is Draco Malfoy. Who are you?"

"Bianca," I said somewhat breathlessly as he stepped into my personal space and took my breath away.

"Well Bianca," he said with a smirk. "Do you have anyone to ride the train with?"

"N-no," I stuttered, wanting to slap myself for sounding so idiotic.

"I would love to have your company." He said offering me his hand like a true gentleman, and I gladly took it. "Crabbe, Goyle, grab the trunk for the lady."

The train was barely rolling and I was already smitten with Draco. He was very confident, but I sensed a hidden soft side in him. I was flattered by how interested he seemed to be in spending time with me. I seemed to be the center of his focus as we chatted and snacked on the candy he had gotten after leaving the compartment for a few minutes to track down the trolley lady. His friend had come back with a bite on his finger, but no one elaborated on how that had happened.

By the time we had changed into our school robes, and the train had rolled to a stop Draco had asked me to be his girlfriend. How could I not accept? I wasn't even sure what all being a girlfriend entailed, but if it meant I could hold Draco's hand whenever I wanted I was all for it.

We climbed off the train, and all of the first years were beckoned to the side of the gathering students by a giant of a man who called himself Hagrid. He led us to boats, and we clamored into them to travel across the huge lake that separated us from the castle. I sat beside Draco in the boat with Crabbe and Goyle. It was a quiet ride as the boat rowed itself across the lake.

When our boat docked itself, Draco lent me a hand in climbing out of the boat and continued to hold my hand as we walked up toward the castle. There was a commotion as we climbed the stairs, and some boy was searching for a missing frog. I was knocked to the side, and found myself standing next to a girl named Pansy, not entirely sure where Draco had gone.

When we were finally allowed to enter the great hall I was stunned. In the distance I heard a girl whispering about how the ceiling was enchanted, but seeing the sky in it was hard enough to focus on with all the floating candles, as well as all the faces staring at us. There were so many students! My eyes immediately searched for Albus when I grew nervous, and his smiling presences soothed me immediately.

The singing hat fell silent, and the stern looking woman called Professor McGonagall started calling us forward in alphabetical order. After a few seconds upon a person's head the hat would shout out a house and the students would go to that table. Draco was sorted into Slytherin, and I watched him as he crossed triumphantly to the table. Most of the kids there didn't look very nice, so even though Draco had been sorted there I found myself hoping to be placed somewhere else.

"Bianca Potter," McGonagall called my name.

The entire hall went dead silent for a beat, and then broke out into very loud whispers. I felt my face flushing as I hurried forward to be sorted. I passed a dark haired boy who was staring open mouthed at me, who I quickly realized had to be Harry due to this scar. I rejoiced at finally seeing him, hoping I would get a chance to actually meet him soon. McGonagall slidthehat onto my head, and it covered my entire face. I was glad for the reprieve from being stared at.

"Very interesting," the hat whispered. "Such power. Yet you show little desire to demonstrate it."

I was altogether shocked that the hat was talking to me, and I wondered why no one else could hear it. I certainly hadn't heard it talk to the students before me.

"And such curiosity," the hat said. "You could find the right home in Ravenclaw, but then your tenacity and bravery would be much better suited for GRYFFINDOR!"

I could tell by the cheering I heard that the hat had said the last part out loud. I pulled the hat off and quickly sprinted off toward the table full of my new housemates. The anger and shock I saw on Draco's face as I past was striking. I pushed it from my mind and turned to watch as my twin brother was sorted into the same house.

* * *

Albus gave a speech, and it was up to his usual quirky and entertaining nature. When he had finished plates full of food and we were free to eat what promised to be an amazing meal. Harry was sitting across from me, and I was sure it was obvious that I was staring at him. He seemed to be staring at me as well though, so it was slightly less awkward. Once everyone had settled in to picking out their food I decided to make conversation.

"Hello," I said quietly as I poured myself a goblet full of pumpkin juice.

"Hi," he said equally as quiet, his eyes seemed to glimmer in the candle light. "So… did you know about me?"

"yeah," I said softly, feeling as if my own eyes might tear up. "Al-Dumbledore told me about you the night he rescued me. We were hoping to catch up with you in Diagon Alley, but we never quite made it. Did you know about me?"

"No," he whispered. "The Dursleys never told me about you, and apparently in all the commotion it slipped Hagrid's mind."

"It's possible that he didn't know," I said as I really thought about it. "I guess everyone thought I died that night… when our parents… He might not have known what Dumbledore knew. The Dursleys… they would have known that I had existed though."

"Our aunt and uncle… they aren't very enjoyable," he sighed. "I live with them, and sadly it doesn't even surprise me that they wouldn't tell me about you. Where did you grow up?"

"In an orphanage," I said, trying to suppress the shiver that rolled through me. "It was not a nice place. I never want to go there again."

"I wish I never had to go back to the Dursley's house again," Harry said while staring sadly at his dinner plate. "Where do you live now? I mean outside of school?"

"I actually live with Dumbledore in a flat in London," I whispered with a soft smile. "I guess I am kind of his ward. I like it."

"That sounds nice," he said with a laugh. "I's so weird to think that I have a twin sister."

"I guess I have had a whole month to get used to the idea." I chuckled. "It's still weird though. I'm used to it just being me. I spent years daydreaming about having a family; it's nice to think I could really have that."

We continued to chat while we ate. I learned that he had made fast friends with Ronald Weasley on the train. It seemed most of his family was at Hogwarts as well, and they all had flaming red hair. They all seemed to have been sorted into Gryffindor and were seated near us. There was also a girl with bushy brown hair sitting near us. Harry informed me with a whisper that her name was Hermione. I got the impression that he didn't actually like her, but I didn't push him to tell me why since she was close enough to hear us.

* * *

After the feast I met some of the girls in my dorm while I dressed for bed. I didn't talk much because Lavender was staring too much and I was tired. I tried to convince myself that I didn't care that all of the girls except for Hermione were staring at me, but I still didn't like having to change around people and the staring just made it worse. I climbed into my new four poster bed, and pulled the curtain closed around me. I burrowed into the pillows, and thankfully sleep came easily.

Before I knew it morning had rolled around, and I had to get ready for classes. I threw on my most comfortable pair of jeans and a tank top before pulling my robes over it. Once I had tied my shoes and grabbed my messenger bag full books I was off. The girls were still kind of staring, and I was hungry. Neither problem could be solved while I was in the dormitory.

I was headed over to Gryffindor table when I saw Draco waving to me. I went to the Slytherin table though I wasn't entirely certain I was allowed to sit there. No on yelled at me, so I breathed a small sigh of relief and slid into place on the bench beside him. He wrapped his arm possessively around my shoulder, and I leaned into him.

"Good morning," I said with a smile.

"Morning," he said with an odd expression. "So you didn't tell me you were a Potter…"

"It slipped my mind," I explained with a nervous laugh. "Growing up in an orphanage, no one really has a surname. It doesn't feel as if it is connected to me."

"Fair enough," he said with a shrug, though I didn't believe his tone of voice. "Have you gotten your lesson plans yet?"

"No, where do we get them?" I asked, looking around.

"Your head of house hands them out. I just got mine from Professor Snape," he said gesturing to his plan sitting on the table between us. "It looks like we will have our potions class together, but other than that you will spend most of your time with the other Gryffindor first years."

"Oh," I said with a frown. "I wish we had more classes together."

"We'll have plenty of time outside of class," he laughed. "Unless you plan to live in the library or something equally nerdy."

"Not likely," I chuckled. "I am not really a large fan of studying."

I chose not to share that I had never really needed to study much. My memory was quite good, and usually just hearing the lecture was enough for me. I wasn't sure what to expect in the magical world, but I hoped it would be the same. It had been a blessing in the past, as I hadn't really had an opportunity to stud at home. If it weren't a legal requirement I doubted that Tony would have let any of us go to school at all.

* * *

My first class of the day was transfiguration. I managed not to get lost in the many crazy hallways by convincing Nearly Headless Nick to lead me there. He seemed like a nice enough ghost, but I was terribly nervous he might try to show me how a ghost could be nearly headless if I spent too much time with him. So I thanked him kindly and then hurried into the classroom.

It only took a few minutes of class time for me to discover that Hermione was a bit of a know-it-all. I found her a bit annoying, but I couldn't help but wonder why it was so important for her to prove herself. It wasn't as if she was the only one who had read the book, but she was in such a rush to answer all the questions. I sat quietly in my seat attempting not to roll my eyes at the way she was acting as if her pants were on fire. At least she was earning our house points. If we won the house cup I might not find her nearly as annoying.

* * *

My last class of the day was potions, and I was excited to see Draco since I had missed him at lunch I'd eaten with Harry again, and carried on an excited conversation about upcoming flying lessons, but I had kept an eye out for Draco. Harry seemed to be obsessed with flying, and I wondered if I would end up liking it as much as he was clearly going to.

When we reached the dungeon doors I finally saw Draco, so I raced over to him to say hello. To my surprise he pulled me up against him and pressed his lips to mind. Somehow I had imagined that our first kiss would be somewhere more romantic, but even in a hallway full of our peers it stole my breath away. After we broke apart I saw that he was looking directly at Harry, so I turned and looked too. Harry looked so angry, but I couldn't understand why.

Just then the door swung open and we were presented with the rather unfriendly face of Professor Snape. For a reason I couldn't possibly understand his eyes seemed to flare with emotion when they landed on me. They turned away so quickly that I thought perhaps I had imagined anything in his passive face. We all walked inside the classroom, and I went to sit at a table with Draco.

This earned me another glare from Harry. Why was he so upset with me? His temper only seemed to grow as Snape shot question after question at him, and he was unable to answer any of them. I knew the answers but I didn't feel inclined to help him in anyway when he was being so hostile toward me. Of course Hermione was still jumping up and down trying to answer the questions herself. Perhaps her need to answer all the questions had to do with not getting enough attention at home?

When the potion lesson came to an end I saw Professor Snape glaring at me once more, and I couldn't help but wonder why he seemed to hate me so. His burning look seemed to crawl up under the skin in the back of my neck and nestle there, irritating me and causing nerves to bubble up in my stomach. I gathered my things quickly and hurried off after Draco. I followed him straight to dinner and sat beside him with Crabbe and Goyle on the other side of the table.

The two boys seemed to be complete buffoons, but they were good for a laugh. We goofed around throughout the meal, and then Draco and I made plans to have a picnic by the lake this weekend. At the end of dinner I stood to leave, and he quickly pulled me back down by the strap of my bag and kissed me again. I turned on wobbly legs and started making my way out of the great hall. Ron and Harry jumped out of their seats at Gryffindor table and hurried over to join me. They each slid an arm through one of mine, and if it weren't for the angry looks on their faces I might have felt like I had fallen into a scene of The Wizard of Oz. As soon as we were clear of the entrance hall the shouting began.

"What are you thinking dating Draco Malfoy?" Harry exploded, releasing my elbow so he could face me fully.

"I hardly think that's your business," I said as I pulled my arm free of Ron's grasp and straightened my robes. "You've only known me for twenty-four hours."

"He's your twin," Ron shot back. "Doesn't it bother you to date the only person at this school that he doesn't get along with?"

"How can you not get along with him?" I snapped back my eyes darting from Ron to Harry. "You just met him!"

"No _you_ just met him!" Ron shouted.

"I met him a month ago," Harry said in the silence that followed Ron's outburst. "And he is a horrible person Bianca. He is a firm believer in the idea that purebloods are better than other wizards. How can you support that?"

"I don't believe that," I said, stepping back to put space between us. "You… you're just jealous that I'm spending time with someone other than you!"

"Yeah. This is just a jealous fit," Harry scoffed before turning away from me. "You know what? Enjoy your relationship with the slime ball. Don't bother coming to me when it blows up in your face."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Song for this chapter: Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica**_

* * *

In the first weeks of term my relationship with Draco was like a children's story. We held hands, we cuddle, we occasionally shared chaste kisses. It was innocent and fulfilling, and it left me feeling vindicated that Harry and Ron had been wrong. I was so blissfully happy with Draco that it didn't matter that no one in my house seemed to want anything to do with me anymore. It was possible that I had less friends than Hermione Granger, but I honestly didn't care.

I didn't care until a few weeks further into term when our kisses started to grow less chaste. I was terribly smitten with Draco, but I wasn't exactly full of raging hormones that told me to ignore reason and run blindly through all physical barriers. Draco seemed to have fallen victim to those hormones, and toward the end of September he tried to pull my shirt off. I had pulled roughly away from him and run back to Gryffindor tower.

For a second I had been on the verge of running to Harry for comfort, but then I remember that neither he or Ron were talking to me. Since I had already been alienated from the rest of the house there was no one I could say anything to. Instead I sat alone on the floor before the fire running my fingers through my hair in an effort to sooth myself, and to distract myself from unsavory memories from the orphanage.

* * *

As October wore on the situation started to slip out of my control. Draco seemed determined to have physical affection, and I was running out of reasons not to give it to him. It was hard to say no when I saw the anger flicker in his cool eyes, and harder still after our first argument.

We snuck out from our respective common rooms after curfew to meet out at the lake. It was risky rule breaking, but I couldn't say no to a romantic stroll under the moon light. With a little coaxing Draco had convinced me to lie down in the grass with him where a small copse of trees hid us from view without blocking out the moonlight and throwing us into complete darkness. Draco began to snog me, and I let him because it felt nice. I liked kissing Draco, I just wasn't ready to take it further yet. Clearly he was, and again he tried to push his luck with me.

I tried to pull myself out from beneath him, but in his haste to hold me still he tore the strap of my tank top leaving me partially exposed. He froze in place above me, giving me the time I needed to properly cover myself. His face was stricken, and I thought for sure he would apologize for what he had done. I thought he was sorry, but slowly I realized that he had been staring at my scar.

"You were a part of it…" he whispered after a prolonged silence.

"A part of what?" I asked, not entirely sure what he was talking about as I tried to tie the two pieces of my shirt back together.

"You have a mark… like him," Draco said, his cheeks growing red as that angry look filled his eyes. "You were a part of killing the Dark Lord!"

And just like that his hand snapped through the air before colliding with my cheek. I was so stunned that I just sat there holding my cheek. Surely he hadn't just hit me? He quickly got up and strode away from me, and I was left sitting amongst the trees staring after him. When I could no longer see him I burst into tears, only crying harder when I tried to wipe them away and hurt my stinging cheek.

I took a moment to pull myself together, and then I left my place in the trees. My gut told me I should tell someone, but who to tell? I had no friends, and somehow I couldn't see a way to bring this up at my Sunday dinner with Albus. So I kept my fear and pain to myself, and I threw my ruined shirt away so no one could ask about it. I used a bit of makeup so I could cover up the slight bruise that had graced my cheekbone.

* * *

I thought maybe, if I didn't say anything, nothing like that night would happen again. I was wrong. It seemed the bright happy period of our relationship had ended, and now Draco was always angry. Even when he smiled and kissed me, I could tell it had become a show for whoever might be watching us. I knew I should just break up with him, but somehow I just couldn't. Even as he began to hit me more frequently I couldn't shake the piece of me that still yearned for him to return my affections. It kept getting worse, and I didn't say anything because I had no one to tell anyway.

More than once I seriously considered breaking the silence between Harry and myself and asking him for help. I'd watch him in the common room while he played wizard's chess with Ron, and I would imagine conversations I might have with him. At the beginning of each new creation everything seemed to go well and I convinced myself he cared enough about me to help me, but then I would remember the last thing he had said to me. Each conversation I staged in my mind ended with him rebuking me, and reminding me that he had been right all along.

On the day of Halloween that was the only thought running through my head as I found myself in yet another argument with Draco. We had just been leaving charms, and Hermione brushed my shoulder as she ran past me. I could tell that she was crying, and though I didn't particularly like her and we weren't even friends, my instinct was to comfort her. I started to go after her, but Draco's hand tightened painfully around my wrist as he jerked me back to him. His eyes were burning with that cold heat so I snapped my mouth shut and let my gaze fall to the floor. I kept my mouth shut as he drug me into a side corridor with him. I wasn't sure what had set him off and I didn't want to inadvertently make it worse.

"Where did you think you were going?" he snarled at me as he backed me up against the wall.

"I was going to check on Hermione," I whispered, knowing I was in trouble and lying would only make it worse.

"You were going to coddle the filthy mudblood?" he asked in an icy tone before his hand smacked across my face with enough force to turn my head. "Have I taught you nothing?"

"I just wanted to make sure she was okay," I stuttered before I could stop myself.

Draco didn't care about people like Hermione, so I wasn't supposed to either. I really tried not to, but when I slipped up it instantly made him so angry. My inability to ignore her tears knocked something loose within him and he began to lay into me in a way he never had in the past. For the first time he actually punched me, and it was so horribly painful that I heard myself begging him to stop. Instead his hand clenched tightly over my mouth silencing me while his other hand rained blows down upon me.

His fist connected with my eye and I saw stars before everything started to fade around me. My heart lurched in terror as I realized I was going to lose consciousness while I was alone with a very angry Draco. Sickeningly I felt lucky when he kicked open the bathroom door near us and he shoved me inside. I heard his muffled voice tell me to clean myself up before I closed my eyes against the burning pain in my head. I drug my tired body into the nearest stall, and closed the door before I slumped against the side wall. I vaguely registered the sound of someone crying, not entirely sure if it was me, before the blackness took me.

* * *

Sometime later I woke up, and I was disoriented to find myself sprawled out in a toilet stall before my memory restored itself. I could still hear the sound of someone crying, and I knew now it wasn't me. I pushed the stall door open and peaked out before leaving the safety of my hiding place. Whoever it was, they were still safely hidden in their own stall, so I left mine and nervously approached the mirror. I saw immediately that the damage was pretty bad, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It would take quite a bit of makeup, but I would be able to hide the marks on my face and arms before going to dinner. Thankfully nothing seemed to be broken.

I worked quickly to cover the blooming bruises on my arms, never knowing when the other girl would choose to emerge from her stall. My arms still felt like road kill, but after a few minutes work they looked as good as new. I set to work on my face and I had to stifle a groan. I had a cut on my lip that I could only partially obscure with lipstick. It didn't help that the lipstick burned when it made contact, but my eyes had already been watering so there wasn't much of a change. The brilliant black eye he had given me was much more of a problem, and simple foundation wouldn't cover it.

I dug desperately through my school bag until I found a bit of eye shadow and then I set to work on both my eyes making them look as if I had been trying to attempt a smoky blue look rather than looking like someone who had just taken a fist to the face. I noticed a few light scrapes on my cheek, that I wasn't sure how I had gotten or how to hide. In a last ditch effort to conceal my injuries I decided to follow a muggle tradition of dressing up for Halloween. I produced a bit of glitter from my makeup bag, and tried not to wince as I swiped it over my cheek to obscure the scratches. As I had taken to keeping extra clothes in my bag in case Draco made me bleed, coming up with a costume wasn't hard. I quickly traded my jeans and t-shirt for a blue wrap dress.

I was trying to think of a way to fashion some sort of fairy wings from the materials I had available to me, when I heard a commotion out in the corridor. My attention snapped immediately to the door and I tried to school my emotions into calmness even with my heart racing in my chest. All too quickly the door flew open and a monstrously large troll lumbered in. A scream broke from my chest without my permission as I staggered backward in an effort to get away from it. My scream only drew its attention to me more quickly and he began to stomp toward me, easily backing me into a corner.

There was nowhere to go, so I crawled under the sink to try and hide. From my new vantage point I saw that the other stall door had opened and a pale faced Hermione was gawking at the bathroom invader. The bathroom door flew open once more, and I saw a flash of Harry and Ron before the troll began swinging his club. To my horror he immediately went for the sinks, and though I tried to climb safely out from underneath I couldn't seem to move quickly enough. His club smashed through the sink I was under, and for a moment I felt a blinding flash of pain and then my world was black once more.

* * *

When I woke again I was lying in a bed that could only be in the hospital wing. On one side of my bed sat Madam Pomfrey and on the other sat Albus. I could tell they had just been talking, but they had both gone very quiet when they saw that I was away. Albus looked at me with sadness in his eyes, and Madam Pomfrey jumped up out of her seat to stand over me.

"Where does it hurt?" she asked softly, her wand at the ready. "I can cast a charm before I go grab the potion you will need to heal your shattered cheek bone."

"I don't hurt anywhere other than my face," I whispered, though it hurt my face terribly to speak. I was far too surprised by the lack of pain in the rest of my body to truly register the pain of my cheek. "Have you already healed me?"

"Yes,' she said, her face clouding over in a way that seemed almost as if she were mad. "I did a full exam while you were out and I was able to clear up a bit of the bruising and cuts. The new ones and the old ones."

My heart took off at a sprint over her words but I fought to keep my face neutral. Clearly she was on to me and I would have to come up with a story about the bruises quickly. I took a deep breath in an effort to calm myself, and this only drew a sharper focus from Albus. It was only then that I remembered he had been sitting there as well. I was not alone even though Madam Pomfrey had left the room.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked me quietly.

"I was in the bathroom when the troll came in," I rushed headless of the ache in my cheek. "I panicked and tried to hide under the sink. He smashed the sink… and that's the last think I can remember."

"That's what your classmates said,' Dumbledore nodded. "Why weren't you at the feast?"

"I wanted to dress up in a costume like we used to do at the orphanage," it was a blatant lie but I said it anyway. "I was trying to get ready, and the troll surprised me."

"Professor Snape tells me that you skipped potions today." He said with a gentle cluck of the tongue. "Where were you then?"

"In the bathroom." I said quietly, hoping a half-truth would keep him from getting suspicious. "I figured it would take me awhile to get my costume put together."

"And where did all the bruises come from Bianca?" he asked me sadly.

"A troll smashed a sink over my head," I sighed. "I imagine that would cause a lot of bruises."

"They aren't all new," Madam Pomfrey said as she returned with the potion for me. "The ones on your torso were already partially healed, and the cuts and half of the bruises on your face were underneath the makeup. They had to have been there before the troll arrived."

"I'm very clumsy," I lied weakly. "I think the ones on my torso came from when I fell down one of the stair cases the other day. I tried to jump that stair that always grabs your foot, but I missed my landing."

"Where did the cuts come from?" he asked, though his eyes told me he wasn't buying any of this.

"You caught me," I lied again. "The real reason I skipped potions was that I wanted to goof off down at the lake. I was running through the grove of trees and I fell into one of the thorny bushes. That's when I raced to the bathroom to put the makeup on. I should probably learn the charm for healing cuts. Of course I shouldn't have cut class to begin with.

"Your lessons are very important," Albus said with a sigh. "If you want to talk about what has prompted your desire to skip class in more detail you knew where to find me."

Albus left, and I felt a wave of desolation rip through me. I should have told him the truth, but I couldn't. And even though I suspected he knew I was lying, I couldn't fault him for giving me the trust he had always given me. Madam Pomfrey gave me the potion while watching me with sad eyes. I wished I could read her mind to know what she was thinking, and where she thought the bruises came from, but at the same time I was terrified of knowing what either of them was thinking.

After I took the potion I began to feel drowsy and Madam Pomfrey told me it as a side effect of the potion. Rest would only help my healing she said, so I lay back down and let the sleepiness grow within me. I didn't fight it, and soon enough I had drifted into the dream world.

* * *

The next morning I woke to the sight of Draco sitting at my bedside looking for all the world to be a very concerned boyfriend. He gave me a flower and asked how I was feeling. For just a second I believed he cared about me, but then he leaned in closely and asked in an angry whisper if I had kept my mouth shut. I nodded my head to tell him that I had, and I let him lead me to my first lesson after I had been released from the hospital wing.

Going to class was a bit awkward after that. People kept staring because of the unhealed bruises on my face. I couldn't very well demonstrate that I was proficient at hiding them, and my injury had been so public that of course people would expect there to be evidence of it. Harry and Ron still weren't talking to me, but they seemed to have made friends with Hermione. I wondered what had happened in that bathroom after I had lost consciousness but there was no one for me to ask.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Song for this chapter: Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars**_

* * *

Draco had been okay for a few days, most likely not wanting to draw any attention. When no one seemed to be paying much attention anymore he slipped back to old habits and he grew progressively worse. As we drew nearer to Christmas break I began to grow desperate. I needed out, I needed away from Draco, but I was terrified of trying. On more than one occasion I found myself wandering toward the headmaster's office before I inevitably realized what I was doing and took off in the other direction. As we slid into the last week of term I settled upon a new strategy. It was highly dangerous, but I had frayed too far to care anymore. I was going to get beaten either way, so it hardly seemed to matter.

I took to antagonizing Draco, in public places no less. My intentions were simple, to annoy him enough that he would be forced to simply break up with me. I was certain he wouldn't hit me with anyone watching, so it was only a matter of time. I hadn't realized that another outcome was even possible.

One afternoon we were leaving potions and I chose to go on endlessly about how amazing Dumbeldore was and how great it was that he was the headmaster. We were in a crowded corridor, and I knew it would drive Draco insane. Surprisingly it drew the attention of our other classmates as well. Since so many people were watching I felt relatively safe and I began to push my luck.

"Could you stop," he said tersely, not wanting to admit out loud that he hated Albus. "You're being very loud and I have a headache."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I gushed, feigning innocence. "Maybe we could go see Dumbledore and he could do a charm to help you feel better."

"It's really not a big deal," he said in a hardened voice. "Let's just leave Dumbledore out of this shall we?"

"Why would we leave Dumbledore out of anything, he's—"

I didn't get the chance to finish my sentence. In front of the lot of Slytherin and Gryffindor first years Draco smacked me across the face. I stared at him in shock for a brief second in the silence that followed. Suddenly with so many witness to my shame all of my anger erupted within me. I vaguely registered arms pulling me away, but I shook them off.

"That's one time too many Draco," I said coldly as I advances on him with my hands trembling in rage. "We are done. You will never touch me again."

Then I swung at him, fully intending to hit him as hard as he had hit me, but I hadn't accounted for magical intervention. In my anger I had cast some sort of banishing spell, and with swinging of my arm I threw him into the wall at the end of the hallway. He slumped to the floor groaning as Crabbe and Goyle ran after him. As soon as the spell had been cast all of the energy drained out of me. I knew I was about to cry, and I turned away from the crowd with my mind focused on getting away. Instead Harry stepped into my path, and he caught me after only two steps pulling me tightly against his chest. My legs gave way as the tears took hold, and I sobbed brokenly into the fabric of his robes. I heard him tell Ron to go for Dumbledore as he lowered us to the floor.

* * *

Albus had been furious when I finally came clean about everything that had happened throughout the term. I had burst into tears once more when I saw that burning anger enter his eyes like it had the night he had stolen me away from the orphanage. He had nearly upended the desk in his rush to get to me when he realized he had upset me. His hands were exceedingly gentle as we held me to his chest.

"I'm not angry with you," he murmured into my hair. "I could never be angry with you."

"I'm so sorry," I wailed, fisting his robes in both of my hands. "I shouldn't have lied. I was so afraid."

"I know, I know," he shushed carefully rocking both of us. "You don't have to be afraid now. I will keep you safe Bianca."

He had continued to hold me until I cried myself out. I was bleary eyed and weak by the time I had emptied myself of the roaring emotions and he did not feel comfortable sending me back to Gryffindor tower. I spent that night tucked tightly into the bed in his chambers while he watched me wearily from the chair beside his bed.

* * *

Christmas break finally came, and Albus decided that we would go away. By the time we left the castle Albus knew everything that had happened up until the rather public conflict, and to my immense relief he had no condemned me. I laid bare my shames and sorrows and he continually had open arms to offer me rather than judgment or anger. It was a balm to my soul that at least he still loved me.

After taking time to think, and listening to my input, he decided to give Malfoy a month's worth of detentions upon his return from Christmas break. He would also be required to attend counseling sessions with Professor Flitwick to deal with his obvious anger issues. At first Albus had been so made that he had intended to expel Malfoy, but having been in a relationship with him I had learned a lot about him, including what life was like for him at home. I knew how devastating and expulsion would be and I fought vehemently against it no matter how he had injured me. He needed an education, and he needed a chance to break free of his father.

With disciplinary decisions made we were free to leave. We departed before the other students, taking a horseless carriage down to Hogsmeade on our own. From there we apparated to London, but I had convinced Albus to fly on a plane to our final destination of the Amazon. I had always dreamt of going in a plan, and he had never actually been on won. It took a bit of spell work to convince the security men that we had the proper paperwork to leave the country, but soon enough we were on board.

Unfortunately we discovered it was only slightly less uncomfortable than slide-along. The seats were tightly packed together and the cabin was too warm. People were sweating and a baby was crying. Not to mention the less than polite man behind me who had his knees pushed into my back.

"I'm glad you already convinced me to slide-along for the trip back," I sighed. "Planes aren't as much fun as I imagined them to be."

"Oh I don't know," he chuckled. "It has a certain charm."

"You really are insane aren't you?" I laughed.

"Perhaps," he hedged with a laugh of his own.

* * *

We had spent the rest of the ride talking idly about the muggle world. It was strange to think of myself as something separate from that world, but I truly wasn't one of them anymore. We were technically taking a somewhat muggle oriented vacation, but I highly doubted there would be a hiatus in magic. Albus told me we were going to explore the old tree dwellings of ancient Amazonian wizards.

And we did visit tree dwellings, but much of our trip was spent on hikes and swimming trips where we did a lot of talking. It was nice to clear everything off my chest and really work through how everything with Malfoy made me feel. We addressed my fears and shame, as well as my loneliness and my alienation from the student body. We also addressed the incident of uncontrolled magic in the corridor.

Most students did not have episodes such as that after they had begun receiving formal training. We debated the cause, but Albus felt it was due to a combination of my strong powers, and the extreme stress I was under. It was eventually decided that I should take up a physical activity that allowed me to channel some of that stress. I opted to go for a mixture of exercises. Mostly I combined yoga and running. I started with the running, weaving new paths through forest each day until I had a close encounter with a boa hanging from a tree. I was lucky enough to run faster than the snake could move, but I decided that for the duration of our time in the rainforest I would stick to doing yoga alone.

We spent a quite Christmas at out campgrounds sharing presents by the fire. I gave Albus a year's supply of socks after he said he never got them as gifts, and he seemed quite pleased. I could never tell if he was joking about things like that, but his pleasure seemed genuine so I chose to believe he had really wanted the socks. He bought me a painting set and tickets to see the Weird Sisters during spring break. Needless to say I was quite pleased.

* * *

Albus performed a smooth slide-along and in just moments we had returned to Hogsmeade rather than suffering through another awful plane ride. We caught one of the carriages up to the school and their was a house elf waiting at the door to take our trunks. It seemed that the other students had already returned and were milling about in the great hall before the start of dinner. I opted to slip into the great hall as well and see if I could find Harry, Ron, or Hermione.

Hermione appeared to have gone to the library, but Harry and Ron were at Gryffindor table playing wizards chess so I skipped over to join them. I flopped rather unceremoniously down on the bench next to Harry and they bother stared at me for a few seconds before they seemed to gather their wits.

"Wow, you got really tan," Harry stated dumbly while still staring.

"Well, it's pretty sunny over in Brazil," I pointed out before it occurred to me he might be upset he hadn't been included in the vacation. "There's too many snakes though. I think I'll spend next Christmas here."

"That would rock!" Ron cheered. "We spent all of break on a ssecret search. You would have been a great help even if you don't spend as much time in the library as Hermione."

"Haha, yeah," I laughed. "No one can love the library quite like she does. I find it useful enough though."

* * *

When term started again I started to help them look for more information on Nicholas Flamel, after they brought me up to speed on everything that had happened with Fluffy. I was amazed at what they had been up to while we weren't talking. I listened to everything they had to say about what I had missed, and after thinking back to what I had seen at the Quidditch match I even believed their theory about Snape. Granted I could have been holding a grudge over the way he seemed to despise me, and yet he also seemed to always dote on Malfoy.

Things turned a bit more interesting that library research when Hermione figured out who Flamel was. I felt a bit idiotic thinking of how many times I had seen the book he had written with Dumbledore sitting in his office without putting the clues together, but I chose to keep that to myself. And then of course we discovered that Hagrid was harboring a dragon… in his wooden hut. Adding babysitting a dragon to the list of issues before us left me dangerously close to being stretched too thin but I managed to keep my head a float. I felt awful for thinking it, but I was relieved when Hagrid decided to give the dragon to Ron's brother.

I had enough on my plate between trying to work in an exercise routine to control surges of magic due to my emotions, keeping up with my classes, avoiding Malfoy and his cronies though out the school, and babysitting that dragon. The only real positive that came from my busy schedule was that I was dead tired at night, and I frequently slept without dreams or nightmares. So I threw myself into plotting the removal of the dragon with a light heart. Until Ron was bitten, then I couldn't help but feel awful again.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Song for this chapter: He Who Brings the Night by Two Steps From Hell**_

* * *

We made painstaking arrangements to swiftly deliver Norbert from Hagrid's hut to the highest tower where Charlie and his friends would be waiting for us. It had been decided that I would go in Ron's steed, while he recuperated in the hospital wing. He might have already been released and able to help us, if it were not for the fact that we could not tell Madam Pomfrey what had bitten him. She was struggling to treat the unknown wound and we were left to come up with a new plan. Ron seemed to be slowly healing, so he saw no point in alerting her to the truth about his wound.

When the day to set Norbert free came it was cold outside, so I dressed with care to create warmth with layers. I was so distracted by trying to find just the right shirt for staying warm that buy the time I checked my watch I realized I was already running quite late for breakfast. I threw my bag over my shoulder and sprinted through the halls to get their before the plates were cleared.

When I skidded to a stop at Gryffindor table, I immediately noticed an owl swooping around the rafters. It took notice of me and immediately began flying towards me. I hadn't been expecting any post, but I got the impression this owl had been waiting for me for awhile. I abandoned my attempt to pour myself a glass of pumpkin juice and took the package that was tied to its leg before offering it a bit of toast.

The owl flew away and I took a moment to investigate the little silver package with a note taped to the front. I detached the note and plucked the lid off of the box. A great smile snuck onto my face when I saw it was a box of fine chocolates from Honeydukes. I found my eyes wandering up toward Albus in the assumption that he had bought them for me, but he was not at breakfast this morning. I tossed a chocolate into my mouth and chewed it happily as I opened the accompanying note. It was not his familiar loopy script that greeted me.

_Sweets for my sweet_. It said in bold calligraphy that I did not recognize at all.

I wondered if they hadn't been meant for me, and momentarily felt guilt for having eaten one. Bu they were so good, seeming to simply melt in my mouth. I couldn't help myself when I reached for another one. They made my chest feel warm and I felt a growing happiness in my gut. Perhaps they hadn't been meant for me, but they had been delivered to me and I was going to keep them. I replaced the lid and slid them into my bag deciding to forgo breakfast and just head down to potions.

I had been sitting by Hermione in potion lessons for weeks now, but today was the first day that I beat her to our table. I distractedly set up my supplies while Professor Snape explained the cleaning solution we would be creating today. I was struggling to focus, and somehow I found my thoughts wandering frequently to Draco. The hatred and anger that had clouded thoughts of him for months now had faded, and I found myself enthralled with him. I couldn't help but stare at him from across the room. The light from the fire beneath his cauldron flickered off of his silvery blonde hair in the most delightful way.

"Watch it," Hermione hissed at me.

"Sorry," I gasped, turning to face her and realizing I had dumped my cup full newt eyes on her lap instead of into my cauldron. "I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing."

"Obviously," she scoffed as she cleaned herself up. "What's gotten into you today?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, before reaching distractedly into my bag for another chocolate.

I thought about offering her one, but they were so good that I found I didn't really want to share. I was lagging behind the rest of the class to clean up when the lesson came to an end. My distraction had led me to making quite a mess and I had quite a bit more to clean up than they did. It didn't take long before Draco and I were the only students in the room. I vaguely registered Snape keeping a watchful eye on us, but I was more concerned with if I should try to talk to Draco. I found myself tongue ted and red in the face as he approached my table. I opened my mouth, still unsure of what to say, but he simply set a folded piece of parchment on the table in front of me and continued on his way. I tossed the rest of my things haphazardly into my bag and grabbed the parchment, tearing it open.

_Dearest Bianca,_

_Would you honor me with your presence tonight at 10 pm in the old Runes classroom on the fourth floor? I would love to enjoy a romantic candle light dinner with you._

_Draco_

My heart fluttered in my chest, and all I could think about was how beautiful his eyes could look in candlelight. I all but sprinted back to the girls dormitory already having made up my mind that I would be skipping the rest of my lessons for today. It wasn't often in life that we got second chances, and I wasn't about to waste a second chance at love with such an amazing person. I needed the perfect outfit for tonight, and I didn't own anything that was quite good enough for Draco so I was going to have to make it. I threw my bag on the bed as I got to work creating the perfect outfit, occasionally snacking on another chocolate.

* * *

In the end I took a simple dress that I already owned and embellished upon it. I sat on my bed with the curtains draw nearly closed, with just a crack to give me light to work by, and I got to work. I started with a simple red tennis dress, but I made radical changes to it. The first thing to go was the sleeves. Then I cut the neckline so it was a sweetheart design rather than a polo, and I stitched the new collar carefully into place. My travelling sewing kit got a lot of work through the afternoon as I made my alterations. I added a slit up to my hip so it would swish around me while I walked. I knew Draco would like to see little flashes of skin as well, and I wanted to make him happy.

In the last few hours until out date I finished the rest of the chocolates and focused on getting ready. I put the dress on and paired it with a few silver bangles. I curled so it fell around my shoulders in sultry curls, but I opted not to wear much makeup. I simply wore gloss and mascara to brighten my features a bit. I was just pulling on my heels when the alarm on my watch told me it was time to go. I slid out of my hiding spot within the curtains of my bed and I was relieved to see that the dormitory was empty. I grabbed my school robes and slid them on to hide my outfit from whoever might be in the common room.

I took the stairs as quickly as I could in my tall heels, and I was unfortunate enough to run right into Harry and Hermione at the foot of the stairs. Hermione's eyes scanned over me as her brows scrunched together, but she didn't say anything. Harry didn't seem to notice that there was anything different about me for which I was grateful. Sometimes I wondered if being my twin made him completely impervious to that fact that I was a girl, and not a bad looking one at that. He might be my brother, but sometimes a compliment might be nice.

"Where are you going?" Hermione whispered, leaning in so no one could hear out conversation. "We have something to take care of tonight… remember?"

"Oh gosh, I am not going to be able to make it," I said, my eyes flitting toward the door as I tried to think of an excuse. "I uh, have to go see Dumbledore about something. It's important, and it can't really wait."

"So you won't be helping?" Harry asked, and suddenly I had his full attention

"I can't" I groaned, hoping I sounded sufficiently upset about it. "I wish this hadn't come up, but I have to see him right away. Forgive me?"

"Yeah, sure," they both said at the same time.

"Be careful guys," I whisper yelled over my shoulder as I headed toward the portrait hole.

* * *

I hurried through the corridors with a watchful eye out for staff. I didn't want to draw attention to myself since I was out after curfew. Detention sounded bad, but upsetting Draco by being stopped from attending our date sounded worse. I raced down to the fourth floor where I knew the classroom would be waiting at the end of the hall even though I had never attended a lesson there. I could see that the room was at a dead end in the corridor, and the door was propped slightly ajar allowing candle light to flicker against the slice of floor before the door.

I pushed the door open just a bit more and slid into the room before closing the door behind me. Directly in front of me sat a table with while linens and two taper candles burning. There was a delicious meal already plated, and across the room leaning against the wall in a broodingly handsome way was Draco.

"Hello Bianca," he said in a husky meal as he began to walk smoothly toward me. "I'm glad you could join me."

"I came as quickly as I could," I rushed in a breathy voice, moving quickly to close the distance between us. "There was only a minor hold up in the common room, but it was easily skirted."

"Shall we enjoy our meal?" he asked, acting as if he had not even heard me speaking; I wondered if he was nervous. "I had some of the house elves prepare a seared salmon fillet. That's your favorite right?"

"Yes," I lied, remembering that it was his favorite, and that was good enough for me. "It sounds delightful."

I sat down at the table across from him, eagerly taking his left hand when he offered it to me. I found myself forgetting to eat as I stared at the light glittering in his eyes. I was losing myself in his beauty when for just a brief second I felt a flash of panic shoot through my body. It went away as quickly as it had come, and I hadn't a clue what had caused it so I tried to ignore it. I looked down to take a bite of my fish, and when I looked up again it was as if I could suddenly remember every time Draco had ever hit me. My heart began to race, but then I noticed how his hair fell just so over his eyes and my heart seemed to race for a different reason.

Draco seemed to notice that I was losing interest in eating and asked me if I would like to dance. I gladly agreed, and soon we were moving about the room in an untrained waltz. I was enjoying my self immensely and I took the liberty of laying my head on his shoulder. I breathed deeply, taking the scent of his spicy cologne deep into my lungs only to set off my panic again. I pulled back from him, my heart slamming against my ribs, and the situation I found myself in finally seemed to settle upon me.

I was alone in a darkened room with Malfoy. No one knew where I was, and I had even lied to my friends telling them that I was going to see Albus. No one would be looking for me, and I had put myself in a very tricky predicament. I was wearing a racy dress, and Malfoy was leering at me with intent in his eyes. I tried to pull free of his embrace, but he grabbed my arms and pulled them around his neck before pulling my body snugly against his.

"Oh don't pull away baby," he said in what he probably thought was a seductive purr.

"I'm not your baby," I snapped, trying to pull out of his arms once more.

"What happened, you were perfectly into this a second ago…" he said, and then I saw an answer flit into his eyes giving them a strange gleam. "When was the last time you ate a chocolate?"

"I finished them hours ago," I snapped before I understood what he hadn't actually said. "Circe! You slipped me a love potion!"

"Of course I did," he said with a dark laugh as he fisted his hand in the hair at the nape of my neck. "I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to actually eat them, but luck was on my side today."

"Let go of me," I demanded in as firm a voice as I could, attempting to wrench myself free.

"Just shut up," he said in an almost tired voice as he quickly kicked my feet out from underneath me.

As soon as my back hit the ground I started screaming. It was the only hope I had left, to draw a teach, r a ghost, or even Peeves to us. He hit me in an effort to silence me, but I had been hit before it wasn't a surprise. I screamed until my throat was raw, and I fought with everything I had. Nothing was different tonight, he was still far stronger than me. And yet everything was different as he reached into my soul and tore out something I never imagined I could lose.

My vision grew dark and my voice disappeared as his hands closed around him throat. He had my body pinned to the ground with his own until my arms lost their strength without any air. He released one hand from my throat and used it to force my legs apart. I tried to claw his other hand off, but my body was sluggish to respond to any of my commands I felt him tear my clothes out of the way, and I registered the terrible pain of him forcing himself inside of me before the blackness clouded my vision and the inability to breath finally overwhelmed me.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Song for this chapter: New Divide by Linkin Park**_

* * *

Albus could not sleep. As his deputy headmistress Minerva had come to his office later in the evening to let him know that she had caught four students out of bed. He had listened patiently to her retelling of discovering Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, and Draco Malfoy out in the corridors after hours without indicating any emotion he might have felt. He bestowed acceptance of the punishments she had given, and he had let her go on her way under the impression that he would be going back to bed. But he simply couldn't sleep now.

His gut told him Draco Malfoy wouldn't have had anything to do with those Gryffindor students. He was inclined, based on past behavior, to assume that they boy was simply up to no good, but he was trying to break himself of such assumptions. In a way he had been trying to break himself of such an assumption made against any party since the night things had finally spun out of control between him and Gellert but tonight he found he couldn't cling to his efforts well enough.

There were far too many students out of bed this evening, and something about Draco Malfoy being present told him he needed to be sure there was no one else. It nagged at the back of his mind until his feet had him up and moving out of his office. It was much like the feeling one got when they had forgotten to lock the pensive cabinet, and he could not ignore the compulsion to do something about it.

He went down to the entrance hall, and began his search for what bothered him. It was quiet around him, but he found that this did not soothe him. Instead it made him more suspicious and he began to slowly work his way higher into the castle searching for that elusive worry. His worry was so strong that he was unmoved by the humorous drawings Peeves was adding to many of the portraits with a bit of chalk he had managed to swipe from one of the classrooms. Albus loved Peeves and all of his silly behavior, but tonight he paid him no mind.

The nagging feeling that something just wasn't right grew stronger in him as he moved beyond the third floor. He had been certain the feeling would pass by then if he had not found anything. Surely if there were something amiss in the castle it would have to do with the Sorcerer's Stone? Yet the third floor was clear of any disturbances. He had yet to see another student out of bed, and still the suspicion lingered.

It was when he entered the corridor on the fourth floor that he knew his trek had been necessary. The smell of extinguished candles lingered in the air, and a door stood ajar where the corridor came to a sudden end. His feet hurried him forward while his mind raced over what would bring any student to enter that particular classroom when the ancient runes lessons had been moved out onto the grounds for the remainder of the term to allow study of the rock ledges near the lake that held aged carvings.

The hair seemed to raise along the back of his neck before he acknowledged what exactly he was seeing. There had been something just inside the door, of that he was sure, but when he drew closer he saw that the back of a chair. His hand reached out of its own accord to push the door back and even in the darkness he understood that he was unearthing a terrible scene. He lit his wand and held it high above his head throwing even the recesses of the room into sharp relief.

His heart felt as if it were withering in his chest when his eyes alighted upon first a table that held the remnants of a romantic dinner. The contents of the table were disrupted by the linen which someone had clearly grabbed in a struggled and pulled halfway off of the table. Beyond the table however was something much worse.

Her body was sprawled across the floor with her auburn hair obscuring her face, but still he knew exactly who it was. A deep yawning ache erupted within him at her state of undress. Her dress was torn open revealing those parts which should never have been seen, particularly on such a young girl, in what was obviously such a violent way.

He could see bruises forming on her neck, her wrists, her legs. He had to tear his eyes away, but he could not erase that image as it had already burned into his mind. It was only the ever so slight moving rise and fall of her chest that kept him from losing all sense in that moment. He felt so many emotions so quickly that there was no chance of naming them, but in the end he settled upon empathy.

He knelt beside her as he removed his outer robe. She did not so much as flinch as he moved her to slider her arms into his longs sleeves, and he knew she was not conscious. He quickly fit each buttons into its home, giving her back what modesty he could while trying not to weep at just how terribly small she looked now. He brushed her hair out of her face and winced. Somehow seeing Bianca's blackened eye once more was what truly broke him. He swallowed deftly against the wail that rose up in his throat, but he knew he would not be able to hold out much longer. She looked so much like she had on Halloween, and it physically hurt him to think of how much worse it had gotten. He shook himself, and repeated again and again within his mind that he did not know for certain that Draco had done this. He could not assume.

Tears began to break through his firm control when he slid his arm under her shoulders to lift her. His tears fell onto her face, and that wail finally loosed itself from his chest when it looked to him that she were crying without waking. He bundled her into his arms, standing wearily and trudging out of the room with his broken child. He was nearly disoriented as his world began to shift into the new world that had been born sometime in the night. He could hardly find a memory to conjure the patronus he sent to summon Minerva back from her quarters no matter how late it had gotten.

He moved slowly, making a conscious effort not to jostle the girl in his arms. He was desperate to keep from furthering her injuries, and he could not even see clearly enough to be sure of just how injured she was. He exited the room, and had walked halfway up the corridor before he heard Minerva approaching. From the sound of her steps he though she was running and he tried to remember what exactly he had said through his patronus but he could not. His mind was lost in the fog of the missing memory when she rounded the corner and came to a dead halt before him.

"Albus?" she questions, her hand rising to cover her mouth as she stared at the unmoving mass in his arms. "What has happened?"

"We won't know for certain until she wakes up," he forced out, surprising them both with the gruffness of his voice. "I have a fairly good idea. Could you put the runes classroom to rights while I take her to the hospital wing?"

"Was she doing magic?" Minerva questioned as she began to draw closer.

"No, as far as I can tell she did not even have her wand on her person," he answered quietly, his eyes dropping down when he felt a stirring in his arms.

He held her more closely out of a fear of dropping her, but she only began to struggle more. He stopped moving forward and considered laying her on the ground when her eyes snapped open. They were staring up toward his, but they were not in focus. He didn't think she could even see who he was, but the panic building in her was clearly evident. Before he could do anything else her fist flew up and crashed against the side of his face. In his shock he dropped her, but her movements were suddenly lithe as she rolled up onto her feet and fled.

She crashed painfully into Minerva's shoulder, but simply spun to the side and kept running as if hell were on her heals. Albus held one hand lightly against his throbbing cheek before he took off after her. She was much faster than him, but he was able to keep a tight enough pace not to lose sight of her.

"Albus?" Minerva called after him.

"I'll keep up with her," he called back over his shoulder. "Prepare Poppy for her visit."


	10. Chapter 10

_**Song for this chapter: Philharmonics by Agnes Obel**_

* * *

I was starting to wake, and it was such a great surprise not to be dead, that at first I did not realize I was still in danger. Then I felt the arms that were wrapped tightly around me and my blood began to sing in my veins, pushing the adrenaline that much faster. I was still in his arms, and we were moving, I couldn't stand for him to touch me for even a second more. It felt as if his body were still inside of me, the memory of it was so strong. I fought against his hold, and my eyes shot open.

The world around me was blurred and confusing. I could tell there was a face within a few feet of mine, and there seemed to be swirls of silver around it. I swung blindly in that direction, hoping to knock Malfoy off of me. The mess of blurred colors jerked away from me and I felt the arms release me. My body ached as it slammed into the floor, but I ignored it as I rolled away from my attacker. I pushed my body up and off the floor and I was running. My mind whirred in an attempt to think beyond the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, but my body seemed to understand the command of run.

My steps threatened to falter when a dark figure broke through the haze of my distorted vision. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my eyes to see who it was, but it was to no avail. I had to pray Malfoy hadn't asked Crabbe of Goyle to help keep me from escaping him. If it were either of the lumbering oafs my best bet was to try and outrun them so I pushed my body to move faster no matter how much it was screaming at me to stop moving.

I winced and temporarily broke stride when my shoulder crashed against that of the person before me, but whoever it was made no move to grab me. I just kept running, fighting the urge to scream again, ignoring the muffled sounds behind me. I skidded across the marble floor when I flew out of the corridor I had been in and entered the moving staircases.

My vision was starting to clear a bit, and that was all that kept me from tumbling blindly down the stairs. I rushed through the obstacle course of stairs as quickly as I could, aware of the fact that I was still being pursued, and trying to think of something that I could use to protect myself. As my hearing grew less muffled I could make out distinct footsteps on the stairs behind me, and it terrified me.

In my panic logical decision making left me and I simply dashed toward the great wooden doors. I couldn't think of anything other than distance, and perhaps finding a big stick. I wished desperately that I had taken my wand with me when I had gone to see Malfoy, but there was nothing to be done about it now. The cold air of the night was shocking to my system and I slipped awkwardly through the grass that was wet with dew as I sprinted off into the darkness.

I ran full tilt across the lawn, staunchly ignoring the burning in my chest that came with each breath and the searing pain between my legs that threatened to tear my body in two. I pushed myself to run faster, to go farther, my eyes constantly darting about looking for a place to hide. Just as I crested the largest of the hills in the lawn the answer hit me. Hagrid's hut was just at the bottom, and I nearly burst into tears of relief. Hagrid would protect me from Malfoy. I pushed myself to run that much faster, scraping my hands and knees as I fell down the hill toward my final destination.

* * *

I could still hear the footsteps pursuing me as I drug myself up out of the grass but I did not turn to look. I launched myself onto Hagrid's stairs, and uncontrollable huff of relief escaping me when Fang began to growl and a light flickered on inside. I flew up the stairs, and threw my body against a door that I was surprised to discover was unlocked, and yielded to my pushing easily. I barely registered a shocked Hagrid standing in the middle of the room only half dressed with his crossbow in hand as I flung myself onto the ground and rolled under his bed to hide.

My heart was still pounding within my chest, my breaths coming in ragged painful gasps that made me want to retch, but I knew I was safe now. Fang sniffed along the edges of the bed, but when he recognized my scent he lay down on the ground putting a barrier between me and the open door. It was dark and dusty under the bed, but I could just make out his sad eyes watching me. I was willing to let my muscles relax and tried to calm myself where I hid, but then I heard someone else enter the hut.

"Albus?" Hagrid asked in a booming, but confused voice.

"Good evening Hagrid," Albus answered in a tired breathless voice.

I was terribly confused. How had he gotten here? Did he already know what had happened?

"Why are yeh chasin' Bianca?" Hagrid asked, and I could hear him scratching his head from where I lay hidden. "An' why's she hidin' under me bed?"

"I'm afraid something awful has happened to her," he answered, and I was surprised to hear how dead his voice sounded. "It has left her disoriented and afraid. I don't think she recognizes me just yet. She does seem to have put together who you are, and that you mean safety too her however."

"Course she's safe here," Hagrid answered in a gruff voice. "What 'm I protectin' her from?"

"I have my suspicions but we won't know until she tells us," Albus answered, and I wearily watched his slipper clad feet walk over to the table and take a seat. "Shall we have some tea while we wait for her to feel safe enough to come out?"

"Alrigh'," Hagrid sighed, before he pulled out a chair, and his naked feet were relieved of their burden as well. "Fang, give 'er some space yeh great beast."

Fang gave me one last sad eyed look and then he lumbered away to settle at Hagrid's feet. I attempted to sort out of the confusion of the last few minutes in my mind, but it was messy and seemed to be out of order. I released a shaky breath when I realized that the arms holding me had to be those of Albus. I felt my body begin t shake uncontrollably when I realized I had punched him in my haste to escape. I could feel the beginning of tears burning in my eyes as I realized I did not know who else had been in the hallway. If my shoulder didn't ache from the impact I might believe I had imagined the other person into existence.

"Who else was in the hallway Albus," I called out from under the bed, shocked at the foreign raspy voice that issued from my throat.

"Minerva was there," he answered quietly, dolefully. "I called her to help sort out the Runes classroom while I took you to see Madam Pomfrey."

"Did I hurt her?" I asked, my throat tightening painfully.

"No Bianca," he said firmly. "She is fine. She was only shocked, and concerned for you."

"Did I hurt you?" I asked my throat cracking, and the tears finally breaking through to spill over my cheeks.

"No sweetheart," he said in a near whisper that was full of all his love for me, and in that moment I began to think of him as my father rather than a caregiver. "I barely felt it. I was much more focused on taking care of you."

I knew he was lying to me, but it soothed me none-the-less. I slowly crawled out from under the bed, once again ignoring the painful protests of my body. I could see both of them watching me closely, but I didn't have it in me to meet their gaze. I heard Hagrid gasp, and the unmistakable sound of a tea cup being shattered in his grasped when he got a good look at me. I realized I must look a sight to cause him such shock, and reason he must not of seen me very well as I flew into his cabin and directly into my hiding spot.

"What the hell happened?" he shouted, and I winced cringing away from the noise.

"Hagrid," Albus said in a firm voice that brokered no argument. "Remain calm. Do not scare her further."

"Sorry," he murmured before angling his body toward me and speaking more softly. "What happened ter yeh?"

"Nothing that I didn't deserve," I sighed as I crawled up beside Fang and nestled up against his warm and reassuring body.

"You didn't deserve anything that happened tonight Bianca," Albus said, his voice sounding almost stern. "No one would deserve something like this."

"Yes of course," I muttered into Fang's neck as the weight of his head settled onto my forearm. "Everyone would be stupid enough to eat chocolates full of love potion. Just as they would all be reckless enough to meet someone who had beaten them in the past alone in the middle of the night. And of course they would leave their wands behind. No one would ever think it could all be a trap. They wouldn't assume it would end in being forced into a situation they never considered possible, especially when they are so young. This could happen to anyone. Yeah right."

"So it was Draco Malfoy then," Albus asked in an icy voice that reminded me yet again of the night he had walked angrily into the orphanage.

I didn't answer him, simply burying the sound of my crying in Fang's fur.

"Love potion?" Hagrid whispered, and I thought perhaps I wasn't supposed to have heard him. "Was he tryin' ter get in one last hit, or did he want somethin' else? Albus, why's she wearin' yer robes?"

* * *

There was a moment of silence when Albus did not answer him, and then the sound of Hagrid's heavy fist slamming into the table reverberated around the room. Fang jumped up at the sound of it with a growl, sending me sprawling across the floor. I felt terribly exposed, but I was too tired to drag my body back under the bed, so I curled up into a ball clutching the robes more tightly too me, and I tried to block out the world.

"He didn'," Hagrid roared, and I flinched again. "I'll kill 'im myself!"

"Calm yourself," Albus said in a firm voice that promised punishment if he was not obeyed. "Draco will be dealt with in time. For now I need to get Bianca to the hospital wing."

"No," I whimpered, tilting my head up to meet his gaze with my bleary eyes. "I don't want to go. It isn't safe in the castle."

Just then there was a knock at the door. I cowered in fear, and Hagrid stood up from the table, grabbing his crossbow once more. I wondered idly if it would bother me to see him shoot Malfoy, but when he pulled the door open it wasn't a blonde boy who waited outside. Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey stood on the stairs looking small and scared as they stared at the weapon leveled at their heads.

"Come in," Hagrid said gruffly, as he lowered the boy, and stood aside to leave them room.

"Oh dear," Madam Pomfrey said, her hand going to rest over her heart as she looked at me. "Why are you on the floor?"

I sat up, unsure of what answer I was supposed to give her. She gasped, and I realized that my injuries had been mostly hidden when my body was pressed against the floor. She began to walk towards me, but came up short when I flinched away from her. She looked at each person in the room before her eyes landed on Albus.

"Should we carry her to the hospital wing, or conjure a stretcher?" she asked quietly.

"I think she wants to stay here," Albus said softly, turning to look at Hagrid.

"She can stay as long as she likes," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I won' let 'nyone touch 'er."

"I may need to touch her to heal her," Madam Pomfrey pointed out quietly.

"Obviously Hagrid will permit Bianca to received medical attention," McGonagall said stiffly, though her face looked daze, and her own eyes were wet.

"Course," Hagrid said gruffly.

"Perhaps the three of you could wait outside until this is over?" Madam Pomfrey asked pointedly.

"Right, right," Albus said, ushering everyone toward the door. "We'll be right outside if you need us Bianca."

* * *

I nodded stiffly in his direction, not trusting my voice when tears were still coursing down my cheeks. Madam Pomfrey was slow as she walked toward me and offered me her hand. I trusted her not to hurt me intentionally, so I took the proffered hand. She helped me to stand, and I wobbled on my shaking legs. I could not fathom how I had managed to run all the way here, when the act of standing took such effort. My legs didn't seem to be working properly, and she had to put a gentle hand on my waist and help me walk over to Hagrid's bed. When I was lying down once more, she grabbed a chair and pulled it up beside the bed and took a seat beside me.

"I'm going to need you to be completely honest with me about what happened tonight, and where you are hurt." She said softly. "Can you do that for me?"

I nodded, still not trusting my voice. I attempted to brush my tears away, wincing when that action hurt my face.

"What happened to you?" she prodded.

"He attacked me," I admitted, my voice sounding as if it were full of metal. "I tried to fight him off, but he's stronger than I am. He punched my face, and he choked me. I can't remember how he held me down, but I couldn't move. H-he forced it. I blacked out after he was i-inside. I don't know what happened after that."

"Where does it hurt?" she asked, and though her voice was even I could see her struggling to keep her face blank.

"My throat hurts, and my eye," I said, fluttering my hand over my eye rather than touching it. "My legs both hurt and feel as if they're made of mush. It hurts… there. I'm so tired."

"I know you're tired honey," she said sadly. "You're going to have to stay up for a bit longer. I'm going to send Minerva to grab the potions that I need while I do an exam alright?"

I nodded, burrowing into Hagrid's blankets while she went to speak to McGonagall through a partially closed door. She was away for a few minutes, and when she returned she had a black bag in hand, and I assumed someone outside had been holding it for her. She set the bag on the chair she had been sitting in and turned to face me.

"This is going to be hard… and upsetting, but I need you to take off the robes for now." She said quietly, not quite meeting my gaze. "I promise to work quickly."

I kept my eyes tightly closed as I unbuttoned the robes. I was aware of her touching me, but I refused to open my eyes and see it. I tried to disappear into my mind like I had the not so long ago when I first came back to Hogwarts, but I couldn't quite manage it. It hurt too much to allow me to remain numb. I tried to think about the upcoming exam in transfiguration so I wouldn't think about her hands in areas that I never wanted touched again. I thought about trying to turn a whistle into a song bird. Extra credit would be given for live but creative birds. I wanted to give mine metallic feathers. I tried to picture those, or even the beautiful birds Hermione had been creating. Anything not to picture what Madam Pomfrey might be seeing while she looked at me.

I felt her part my legs, and my heart started to race painfully in my chest again. Beyond the roaring in my ears I could hear her telling me to take deep breaths, but I could no sooner do that than I could hope into the air and fly without a broom I struggled for air, and I tried to think of anything that would loosen the knot in my chest. My mind latched onto my last visit with Ron in the infirmary. He had been cracking jokes, and I hoped that thinking of them would shake my panic. I couldn't remember the punch line to his joke and that only fueled my panic. I couldn't help it any longer, I started crying again.

To my surprise, the tears actually made me feel better. My breathing was still ragged, and it hurt my chest, but it felt like a poison was bleeding out of me. I stopped trying to fight them, and just let them tear through me. It felt like the tears were the only thing that got me through until the exam ended. Madam Pomfrey handed me undergarments and a hospital gown that she must have fished out of her back.

I was shaking so badly from the tears that she had to help me dress, but I was beyond feeling embarrassed. Once I was clothed once more she covered me with the heavy blankets off of Hagrid's bed and then produced a warm wet cloth to wipe the tears from my face. They didn't stop falling completely, but I managed to silence my verbal cries and control my shaking somewhat. She had cast scorgifying charms to clean all the blood and grime from my skin, and she had healed what wounds she could, but I still felt disgusting.

"I've been able to repair most of the damage," she told me softly. "You will need to take a course of healing potions over the next few days, and you will need plenty of rest. Minerva has the first round of potions. May I let her in?"

"Yes," I whispered as I pulled the blankets up to my chin. "I want Albus."

She crossed quickly over to the door and let everyone back into the hut. Hagrid went quietly over to the corner in the opposite side of the room and sat with his crossbow facing the door. I felt the fear draining out of me knowing that he would be watching over me. Professor McGonagall came over with three colored glass vials and handed them to me one at a time. When I had tossed back all three of them she produced a flask of pumpkin juice to wash the taste away, and then she stepped away from the bed to give me space.

* * *

"Get some rest," Madam Pomfrey instructed as she threw her cloak around her shoulders and headed toward the door. "I'll come back in the morning to check on you."

She and McGonagall left, closing the door behind them. Fang jumped up onto the bed and curled around my feet as Albus took up residence in the chair by my head. He didn't say a word, he simply lay his hand down with his palm facing up. I didn't have to think about it, I reached out and took it, holding on for dear life. I could feel myself growing more tired and my body growing weak. I tried to fight the effects, but I knew I was going to lose.

"Don't fight it," he told me softly. "You'll be safe. I won't leave your side for a second and neither will Hagrid."

I let my eyes drift closed as he began to hum a soothing song to me. I vaguely registered it as True Colors, but then the darkness reached out to take me for the second time this evening. I sank further into the mattress and what would hopefully be a peaceful sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Song for this chapter: Holy Water by Big and Rich**_

* * *

Albus was barely able to contain his rage as he slipped out of Hagrid's hut. He had held strong throughout the chase. He did not waver during her examination. He kept his head throughout the long sleepless night when he held her hand. He even managed to keep his cool when she woke and told him how she felt about his upcoming meeting with the board of governors.

Anger burned like a hot coal in his heart as he stormed the castle. He wanted vengeance. There was even a small part of him that wanted blood, and in his rage he could not understand Bianca's desire for peace. She spoke of the desire to avoid waves, but she did not seem to understand that that there was no longer a pond to trouble. All of the water had been tossed about in a terrible storm leaving a barren bed of mud. He couldn't think around the rage that caused him.

But he had to think as clearly as he could. In just under an hour he would be meeting with the men who governed the school, and he could not be full of fire during that meeting or they would not hear him clearly. He needed to collect Severus and Minerva for the meeting, and he needed to gather himself. So he continued to breath as evenly as he could, and he slowed his steps to that of a calmer man as he entered the great stone castle that did not feel entirely like home today.

* * *

"I am convening the board today to discuss a very serious matter that took place last night in this school," Albus said as he stood before the twelve men who made up the governing board. "I would first move to ask Lucius Malfoy to recuse himself as the matter I bring before you pertains to his son."

There was a quick and silent vote between the twelve, and when eleven hands rose in favor of his recusal Lucius stepped to the side. He refused staunchly to leave the office however when a vote was being brought forward about his son's future.

"Last night there was a breach of ethics and safety protocols perpetrated against one Draco Malfoy against Bianca Potter," Albus continued. "I move that in order to atone for the rape and brutal beating of a fellow student this young man be asked to leave the school."

"I object to any motions being brought forward against my son by the adoptive father of the alleged victim," Lucius interjected immediately, his hand clenching rhythmically on the head of his walking stick.

"I am the headmaster of this school," Albus shot back, barely maintaining the flare of temper that roared to life in his chest.

"I demand you recuse yourself," Lucius shot back. "Your deputy can step into your place. Assuming she can remain impartial even though the accuser is from her house."

Albus turned to look at Minerva and she nodded her head gently. She would never say it out loud, but he could see that she was worried about his ability to remain impartial. He held onto what grace he could as he stepped aside, and stood on the opposite side of the room of Lucius Malfoy to give Minerva room to come forward.

"Last night there was an issue of several students being out of bed after curfew," Minerva began, as if she had been the one speaking the entire time. "Normally this is an issue that is dealt with in house, but very serious school rules and federal laws were breached last night by Mr. Malfoy. His attack upon the person of Bianca Potter was exceedingly violent and she has weeks of recovery ahead of her. Her physical recovery is only a part of the journey she faces. It will take a great amount of therapeutic care for her to recover emotionally."

"Do you even have any proof that my son is guilty of these accusations?" Lucius interjected.

"Let's save all questions until the end," the lead governor said briskly before turning his attention back to Minerva.

"Mr. Malfoy's behavior has been an issue all year," she went on. "He has been involved in several one sided physical altercations with Bianca Potter for which he has served extensive detentions for. He was forced to take anger management classes with the castle counselor, but clearly there has been no lasting effect. As the deputy headmistress, with the support of the headmaster, I move to have Mr. Malfoy expelled. For the safety of the students."

Malfoy senior's eye shot to those of Severus Snape, and he asked him with an arched aristocratic brow what exactly this woman was talking about. Draco certainly hadn't told his father what had happened throughout the year, and while he didn't take particular issue with putting a Potter in their place, he did take issue with not being informed that his son had been in such trouble.

"If I might say something," Severus said, stepping forward to join Minerva before the board. "As Mr. Malfoy's head of house I have a particular interest in seeing his education through. I believe we can agree that he has made questionable choices, I do not believe it is enough to merit throwing away his future. More harm could be done here today if we do not tread carefully."

"What do you suggest in place of expulsion?" a wizened white haired governor in the back asked.

"I think Mr. Malfoy should be re-enrolled in weekly therapy session, and I believe he should serve dententions for the duration of the year, but I do not think he should be expelled." Severus said, staunchly refusing to meet anyone's gaze. "It might be wise to go as far as restricting his movements so he cannot move to close to Ms. Potter, but I do think Mr. Malfoy's education still needs to be taken into consideration."

"You all seemed to be operating under the assumption that my son is automatically guilty of this crime because of previous behavior." Lucius pointed out angrily. "You are moving solely on the word of the female student. Is she in charge here? She asks to have my son expelled and just like that she gets her wish?"

"She hasn't asked to have him expelled," Albus said tiredly. "She asked me specifically not to expel him, but she is far too empathetic for her own good. She's worried about what his home life will be like if he leaves, rather than what her everyday life will be like if he stays."

"This is a mockery," Lucius scoffed. "The supposed victim doesn't even want him expelled, how exactly can you justify the meeting?"

"A rape did take place," Severus pointed out quietly. "It is precedent that such a case be brought before the governors."

"Precedent or not, this meeting would have been called," Minerva shot off, quickly losing control of her temper. "Mr. Malfoy's behavior has no place in this school. This is a place of education, not criminal deviancy."

"It seems there is a serious difference of opinion with all parties involved," the head governor pointed out forcefully, cutting off the argument before it could get started. "The education of both students needs to be taken into consideration, but I am inclined to take the request of the victim into consideration as well. I move to have Mr. Malfoy placed on probation. I would suggest he serve dententions until the end of the year, attend counseling, and be restricted to his common room or the library outside of lessons so as to remove contact with the victim. I would also move that any further infractions this year lead to his expulsion."

"I second that motion," the wizened governor spoke up.

"All those in favor?" the head governor posed.

There were eleven ayes, and just like that it was decided. Lucius Malfoy was relieved that his son would still attend Hogwarts, but Albus was furious. He wanted to go on a rampage, but he stood stoically to the side. He was frustrated with Severus for essentially suggesting the exact punishment that was given to his star pupil, but he could see a darkness in the man's eyes that told him Severus was not happy with the punishment either. He sometimes forgot what it was like to have to stand up for your house no matter what you might feel on an issue. Albus did not miss being a head of house.

* * *

"You need to gain a firmer grip on your son," Severus whispered to Lucius as they slipped out of the headmaster's office together. "I cannot protect him from Albus if he is going to be so blantant with his actions."

"Surely you don't believe he did this?" Lucius whispered back. "He's eleven Severus."

"I personally have seen the wounds he inflicted upon her in the past," Severus said, barely managing to keep from growling in his anger. "I have to admit, I believe him capable of it."

"And have you seen her?" he asked. "Does she look like it has happened? Merlin knows we'd be able to tell, we've seen them enogh."

"I have not seen her," Severus said, his face contorting with disgust that Lucius misunderstood. "She is not a student of my house; I do not spend more time with her than strictly necessary."

"See that she stays away from my son, and I will see what I can do about his behavior," Lucius said before he swept away, leaving Severus alone in the entrance to the dungeons.

Severus stood there for a long time unable to bring himself to start his day. He stood there long enough to see Albus slip out of the castle to return to Hagrid's hut even though he should be going to up to bed. He kept standing there when Minerva went to stand sullenly before the house hourglasses, lost in thought. His own thoughts were in disarray as he stared at the wall before him rather than heading down to the Slytherin common room to inform Draco of his punishment. He couldn't help but feel something over what had happened to Bianca. He didn't like her one bit, her last name ensured that, but she looked so much like Lily that she still managed to elicit emotion in him.

He didn't want to see her now that this had happened. He didn't even want to imagine what that familiar face would look like marred with bruises. He didn't want to see dead eye staring out of that face. It was hard enough to see that face when she was happy. Why had he ever agreed to teach at this blasted school?

* * *

Albus left the castle with every intention of returning to Bianca's side, but he was just too angry. For the first time in years he really truly wanted to physically hurt someone, but he could not afford to give in to such a temptation. The last time he had done so he had lost more than he could even begin to cope with. It was that thought that told him where to go. Aberforth would keep him from doing something he would regret. He'd be absolutely dreadful about it, but he would be there for him.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Song for this chapter: Remember Me as a Time of Day by Explosions in the Sky**_

* * *

Time passed in strange increments as I stayed in Hagrid's cabin. I crawled under the covers that horrible night, and I did not fully emerge until a week later. During that missing week there were huge slots of time that were simply lost. I wasn't aware of what happened in them, and no searching of my memory revealed anything. Perhaps I slept? I couldn't be sure.

Sometimes the time flew by. The day that Harry, Ron, and Hermione came to visit was like that. They talked, but I had nothing to say. It was like there were there, I blinked, and then they were gone. Conversations with Hagrid were the same. Those times flew by as if my life were a television screen and someone had pressed the fast-forward button.

Other times it was as if my life had been thrown into slow motion. I noticed it most with Hagrid, he seemed to drag through the hut, as if gravity weighed him down and slowed his movements. I would spend unknown periods of time staring off into space as I waited for those slow hours to pass. I spent more time than was healthy staring at the minute details in the wall, as if they could give my soul the answers it needed.

My mind seemed to be navigating on a path of its own, beyond my control. It went many places, and hardly any of them made sense. My mind hid from some things, while it clung desperately to others. Sometimes, I felt as if I were losing myself, but Albus always managed to appear then and draw me back to the present and instill a sense of calm within me once more.

Madam Pomfrey came down occasionally to give me a pain potion, or a healing potion, or to try to get me to eat something. She somehow looked more haggard after each visit, but I felt distanced from her emotions. It was as if I had forgotten how the process of empathy. By the end of the week I had not eaten since the incident and I could see that she was at her wits end. No matter how frustrated she grew, I couldn't bring myself to desire food. It no longer felt as if my mouth were connected to my stomach.

Hagrid seemed to have reached his breaking point as well. He fried up fat sausages on the fire, and offered them too me with a frown. When I refused them ha grabbed my jaw a bit gruffly and he shoved one of them into my mouth. For one furious moment I contemplated seriously hitting him. I was so very angry with him, but then my mouth acted on instinct and I began to chew. It slowly dawned on me how veraciously hungry I was.

"Can I have another?" I asked in a hoarse voice, and I realized it was the first thing I had said since I asked Albus not to expel Malfoy.

I could see the shock in his face that I had started speaking again, but his blooming smile quickly wiped the look away. He eagerly heaped sausages on a plate and set them before me. In his haste he nearly dumped a pot of tea on me, but he settled himself and poured me a cup before focusing his attention on his own dinner.

Hagrid, had been amazing in my time of need. He hadn't once complained about losing his bed to a distraught girl. I wondered if he was even sleeping because he always seemed to be on guard when I focused my attention on him. He only let my closest friends in to see me, and made sure that any other curious students kept a wide berth.

I was able to gather from things Harry said that everyone seemed to know what happened, and wanted to know if I was okay. Malfoy had apparently been outcast by most of the student body, but Slytherin was standing by him and calling me a liar. I hadn't been up to the castle yet, but I was sure I would meet just as much open dislike from those students as Harry did now. I found that it didn't matter to me. I had no friends in that house, and I didn't care.

* * *

I thought about it as I ate the sausages Hagrid had given me, and I realized that I cared very little about what anyone up at the school thought of me. I only cared about how I felt about myself, and if I were completely honest, I would have to admit that it wasn't very good. As I emerged from the dizzying week I had tumbled into I found I still couldn't quite reconcile myself with the situation I had gotten in to.

I just couldn't forgive myself for eating those chocolates. I considered myself an intelligent young woman, but I hadn't acted the part. I had done something incredibly stupid, and it had led to devastating consequences. I wasn't sure I could trust myself anymore. If I couldn't keep myself safe then who would? The very question shook me to the core.

I thought perhaps I needed to talk to someone about what I was feeling, but I was too mortified to do so. I buried those thoughts in the same cubby in the corner of my mind I was trying to shove everything else in to. Malfoy had wanted to take something from me when he panned that night out, but I wouldn't let him take anything else. I resolved myself as I finished my first meal in days that I would return to the school with my head held high. No one would be able to question that I was perfectly fine, even if I wasn't so sure if I was fine at all.

"Thank you for letting me stay this week Hagrid?" I said quietly as I pushed the plate away from me. "I think I am ready to go back to the school now."

"It weren't any trouble," he said gruffly. "Yer always welcome."

"Thanks," I said as I slid out of the massive chair I was sitting in and straitened the hospital gown I was still wearing. "I think I'm going to head up. It's about time I had a shower anyway."

"Le'me walk yeh up," he said as he stood as well. "It's dark out, and I need ter see Professor McGonagall anyway."

"Alright,' I agreed easily, though I was rather sure he didn't have a real errand up at the castle.

I chose to ignore the fact that I had no shoes or jacket, and walked straight for the door. Hagrid pulled the door open, and stood to the side to let me pass. I walked out into the darkness with my head held high, pretending that I had a bit more dignity than the situation was actually allowing. It was quiet on the walk up to the school. Neither of us seemed to know what to say.

I let my mind focus on the cold against the soles of my feet so my mind couldn't wander to the last trip I had taken across this lawn. It was a little easier when we stepped into the entrance hall. I had been so disoriented while running through the castle, that I didn't have a clear memory of my flight through the building.

Once we were inside the castle Hagrid had to choose between leaving my side and admitting that he lied about why he was coming up. He looked at me for a bit, his indecision written clearly on his face. Whatever he saw in my face seemed to resolve the issue for him. He gave me a brief nod of the head, and then he hurried off to complete his pretend errand.

I continued on through the quiet corridors, and I was relieved not to see any other students. It was late enough at night that everyone would be tucked away in their common rooms. I knew I would have to pass students when I reached my own, but I would have to be strong enough to face them soon anyway. My only goal now was a shower, and I kept my mind focused on that instead of who may or may not try to speak to me when I entered the room.

I took a deep breath and gave the password to an oddly quiet fat lady. She swung open to admit me, and I stepped inside, but came to a stop just inside the entry way where I was mostly hidden from sigh. I could hear the students talking and laughing, and for a moment I just absorbed their normality before I began walking forward.

The room slowly began to fall silent as people noticed me, but I kept going. I locked my eyes on the stair case that would lead me to the first year girls dormitory, and I did not look away as I walked quickly toward my destination. I was moving robotically as I climbed the stairs, and I felt inhuman as I walked directly to my trunk without making eye contact with Hermione. She was sprawled across her own bed attempting to work a folding charm on her socks, and I spared the briefest of moments to be amused that housework charms seemed to be a stumbling block for the very talented young witch. I grabbed clean clothes and walked right into the bathroom without looking back.

* * *

I was grateful that the bathroom was adjoined with the dormitory so I would not have to pass the other students again. It was likely that the castle had been designed that way to avoid the sight of half clothes students running rampant through the common spaces. Tonight I was grateful for it as I locked the door behind me for a bit more privacy. The bathing areas were closed off in wooden stalls, but I needed a bit more security.

I ran the water as hot as I could stand it, and the room began to fill with steam. I stripped off the now very soiled hospital gown and climbed into the tub to stand under the hot spray of the shower. I took a moment to enjoy the feeling of water running over my skin before I began to scrub.

I felt as if there were dirt all over me, and that I would never be able to get it off. I went through my entire bottle of body wash before I gave up and moved on to washing my hair. After I had washed it three times, I decided I should just stop. I put cream rinse in and set to work shaving. I knew the other girls in my year didn't have to worry about it, but this was just another aspect of hitting puberty at age ten that I had to deal with. Until recently I had thought of the figure it gave me as something to mark in the plus column, but now I wasn't so sure. I wished that I was rail thin and shapeless like my peers. Perhaps this wouldn't have happened if I looked like them.

Sometime during my two-hour shower I made the decision to try to look more like the other girls. I had already committed to an exercise program to control my magic, so it stood to reason that if I just put in more effort and went on a strict diet that I could lose some of my curves. If I was lucky, I could lose enough weight that my breasts might stop growing bigger and drawing more attention to me.

I dressed in baggy sweat pants, and a thermal shirt before brushing my hair and teeth. I threw the hospital gown in the garbage and left the bathroom in a cloud of steam. There was no one standing outside the door waiting, so I did not feel guilty for having locked it. Most all of the girls were already in bed with their curtains drawn, but Hermione was still waiting with her curtains open reading a book. She set the book aside when she saw me, and gave me her full attention as I climbed into my own bed.

"How are you feeling? She asked in a quiet voice that could have been for my benefit or for the benefit of the sleeping girls around us.

"Surprisingly tired considering how much I have slept in the last week," I answered honestly as I created a nest around myself with blankets and pillows. "And cold, it was so much warmer in the bathroom."

"Probably from the steam," she said with a light airy ugh. "I'm glad you're back up here, I was missing you. The boys were too, but I doubt they'd admit it."

"How is Ron?" I asked quietly, wanting to turn the conversation away from me. "I noticed he was out of the hospital wing when you all came to visit."

"Much better," she said, and I just barely caught the flicker of something that crossed her face. "Madam Pomfrey gave him a clean bill of health a few days ago. He still hasn't gotten over all of the detentions handed out, or all the lost house point though."

"Lost points? Detention?" I asked before a horrible though occurred to me. "Oh no, did you guys get caught with Norbert?"

"Not with Norbert," Hermione whispered, holding a finger to her lips to remind me that our roommates might not actually be asleep yet. "We got caught on the way back. Draco did too; he had some half-baked story about following us. Neville was out too, and quite frankly I still don't understand that part."

"Yeah… maybe he was lost or something," I heard myself saying as the picture of Malfoy acting like nothing life changing had happened just before he had been caught filled my mind. "How many points did we lose?"

"One hundred and fifty," she said with a cringe. "Gryffindor is out of the running for the house cup, and everyone is very upset. It's been a rough week."

"Yes," I agreed, my voice coming out strangled as I reached out to grab the curtain around my bed. "I think maybe I'll go to sleep now though."

"Oh, ok," Hermione said as she reached for her own curtains. "Goodnight."

I closed my curtains and stared up at the wooden top to my bed. It was strange to try and get my mind around normal student life again. It didn't feel like I was a part of it anymore. Tomorrow I would go back to classes and I wasn't sure if that would feel as strange as tonight had. Hermione had seemed to grow more awkward as the conversation went on, and I couldn't help but think I had caused that. In turn it had made me feel more awkward, and I didn't know what to do about it. Perhaps tomorrow my best plan would be to simply pretend that everything was normal.

* * *

When the morning came I woke with a resole to give the day a better go than I had the last seven. I pulled myself reluctantly from the comfort of my bed, and forced myself to pull on clothes and gather my things to head down to breakfast. The corridors seemed bigger somehow, like they might want to swallow me up, but couldn't because other students were present. They were staring at me as I passed them, but I pretended not to notice.

Breakfast turned out to be more difficult than I anticipated. It was just as public as the walk down, but now there was food involved as well. Simple toast and pumpkin juiced felt like the equivalent of an entire feast, and yet I was expected to eat it on my own. Barely finished half a piece of toast before I gave up on it, and decided to work on my transfiguration homework instead.

I hurried out of the great hall, and went to sit in McGonagall's classroom early. I settled into my desk and tried to remember what the last less I had attended had even been about. I was reading through distracted notes about turning a tortoise into a teapot when McGonagall entered the room bit a box full of buttons. Clearly we had moved on to something else.

She stopped when she saw me, her mouth opening as if she wanted to say something to me, but then the other students began to filter in. I was relieved that she didn't speak when I saw the wide array of emotions filter across her face before it feel into a stern mask once more. I was doing my best to stay away from any emotion if I could, I didn't feel like I would be able to control myself if I got to emotional now, and I wasn't really in the mood to accidentally blow up the school in a magical fit. I noticed that a purple haze seemed to be occasionally leaking from my wand, but I did not seem to have much trouble actually transfiguring the button into a beetle.

* * *

Over the next several weeks of school I slowly adjusted, and life became as normal as it could considering the circumstances. Each day there were a few less stares, and after about three weeks no one seemed to be paying me much attention anymore. As the tension began to lessen around me, my incidents of uncontrolled magic began to dwindle.

They shot up once more when an incident took place in the hallway. I had been walking to lessons on my own when I entered the same corridor as Malfoy. Immediately sparks began spitting from the end of my wand, but I fought to remain as calm as possible. Suddenly I found myself hidden behind Fred and George Weasley, and though he had yet to even say a word Malfoy found himself at the business end of a smattering of hexes issuing from the twins' wands.

Thing began to settle once more, and then I realized that the year had almost ended. Finals were wrapping up, and I had hardly been aware of even taking them. Hermione seemed to be loosing her mind over the whole ordeal, but I found myself more concerned with how I seemed to have caught some sort of bug. I had been trying to ignore it, but when my stomach had been upset three mornings in a row I began to worry. I felt a little tired and achy, but other than that I didn't seem to have any other symptoms so I was unsure of what was wrong with me. I took an inventory of my body, and when I could not find anything else wrong with me I simply tried to ignore it. I couldn't help that it nagged at the back of my mind throughout the day.

I was just leaving my last exam when whatever was ailing me really came to a head. I was going to accompany the others out onto the grounds, but then bile began to rise up in my throat once more. This time was different, because I felt dizzy as well. I waved them off with an excuse about forgetting my quill and turned to go to the hospital wing. I noticed Professor Quirrell coming out of the great hall just before I noticed the floor rushing rapidly toward my face.

* * *

When I opened my eyes I was more confused than I had been when they closed. I was staring up at the ceiling, but it wasn't the ceiling of the entrance hall. The cathedral height cornices were familiar, but it wasn't until I sat up that I realized where I was. My head spun with the movement, and I fisted the sheets across my lap to try and re-establish my equilibrium before looking around the hospital wing.

I noticed that Madam Pomfrey was walking quickly over to me, and that she had McGonagall in tow. They both looked concerned and it made me terribly nervous. I pulled sheet tighter around me, and waited for one of them to speak first. They remained silent as they each took up a chair on either side of the bed. It looked like neither of them could decide where they should start.

"How are you feeling Bianca?" Madam Pomfrey asked finally.

"Okay I guess," I shrugged. "How did I get here?"

"Professor Quirrell saw you faint," McGonagall explained. "He brought you here straight away. He had to leave after that to catch a student who needed to rewrite the end of his final essay."

"How did you end up here?" I asked then I quickly backpedaled. "Oh, I didn't mean that to be as rude as it sounded."

"I took no offense," she waved me off. "Madam Pomfrey sent an urgent message to the headmaster, but he isn't here tonight, so as the deputy headmistress the message found its way to me instead."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Song for this chapter: The Freshman by The Verve Pipe**_

* * *

"Where is he?" I asked out of pure curiosity. "And what was so urgent?"

"It's a bit of a difficult situation actually," Madamom Pomfrey interjected. "Bianca, I didn't think to ask before simply because I hadn't realized you had begun having them. When exactly was your last cycle?"

"Cycle?" I said before understanding dawned on me. "Oh… ohhh, cycle. Um…"

I started counting back in my head and I realized it was going on nearly two months now. I was just about at the end of my cycle when the incident had taken place. I should have started a day or two after that, but I hadn't. And here we were, four weeks later, and I still hadn't had a cycle. That must mean that I was four weeks…

"Am I?" I stuttered. "I mean. I can't be. There must be something else. What illnesses have you tested me for?"

"Well, I haven't actually tested you for any illnesses," she said quietly. "When you were brought in after fainting for an unknown reason I had a hunch, so I ran the test. I should have checked sooner, or even given you a preventative potion, but I assumed with you just being eleven it wasn't a possibility."

"When did you reach puberty?" McGonagall asked, clearly confused by the idea that I had grown up so quickly.

"When I was ten," I replied, my eyes locking on the sheet cover my lap rather than meeting her gaze.

"Of course Draco seems to have also reached puberty," Madam Pomfrey said to herself. "It didn't like an options, but it obviously was, and it's my mistake. We should have put you on a vitamin course and a healthy meal plan if we had known."

"I can't be pregnant," I whispered before I pulled the sheet up from my lap and hid my face behind it. "I can't be."

"You are Bianca," McGonagall said sadly. "This is something that we can all get through together. We are here for you, and Albus will be as soon as he returns."

"Where is he?" I asked, embarrassed to realize my tears could be heard in my voice.

"He was called away for ministry business," she explained. "He should be back by the morning."

"Do I have to stay here tonight?" I asked, brushing roughly at my face to erase my tears. "It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me."

"No, I don't see any need to keep you overnight," Madam Pomfrey sighed. "I do think we have some things to talk about before you go however."

"Okay," I agreed, leaning back into the pillows and struggling to keep my tears in check.

"Well, what are you thinking about this whole situation?" she asked carefully.

"Shocked? I mean I don't know how I'm supposed to handle it." I answered honestly. "I guess I'm a little worried about people finding out."

"It's big news to hear, those reactions make sense," McGonagall nodded. "What worries you most about people finding out?"

"I don't know what they'll think of me." I whispered, tucking my knees up under my chin. "I'm too young to be having a baby. No one can possibly look at this without judgment."

"Students can be harsh," Madam Pomfrey said with a sage nod. "But I think how you ended up I this situation could abate some of the harsher gossip. What is more important is what you think about it."

"No matter what the situation there will be talk, and there will be judgment." I sighed. "No one will let this just be my business, but it should be mine and only mine."

"So what do you want to do?" McGonagall asked as her brows climbed up into her hairline.

"I want to keep it a secret," I answered honestly.

"That can only work for so long," Madam Pomfrey pointed out gently. "Eventually people will notice a crying infant."

"Oh, I'm not keeping it," I said in a rush. "No one will hear a crying baby."

"Bianca!" McGonagall scoffed, abandoning her seat. "If murder is where this is headed I refuse to be involved."

"What? No!" I groaned. "I'm talking about adoption. I can keep it a secret until it comes, and then some nice family can adopt it. Him or her? The baby?"

"Oh," she sighed, ignoring my grammatical question as she sat back down in her chair. "It wouldn't be too difficult to arrange an adoption, but it will still eventually get difficult o hide it. The baby bump will stand out on your skinny form."

"Well, we are witches aren't we?" I prodded. "There has to be some way to make it invisible, or maybe cast a charm so people don't see me accurately. Or even a glamour."

"I don't think it really works like that," she said softly.

"Actually," Madam Pomfrey interjected. "That's not completely out of the question. There is an option. It's not talked about often, sort of an inside secret of the women's world I suppose."

"What is it?" I gasped, leaning forward.

"There is a garment designed to conceal a pregnancy," she explained. "It's called the Bagnold Corset."

"That can't be named after Millicent Bagnold?" McGonagall gasped. "That's a bit of a scandal for something like that to be named after the previous minister of magic."

"it is," Madam Pomfrey continued. "There were options before her, but they were not as effective. When Bagnold became embroiled in an affair and found herself pregnant with an illegitimate child that she had to hide from the public, she developed the corset to hide the pregnancy until she could have a French family adopt."

"How does it work?" I pressed, not particularly interested in the history lesson at the moment.

"It's a loose fitting corset that you would wear under your clothes. "She continued. "It both makes the stomach invisible and insubstantial so your clothes hang as if the baby bump did not exist."

"Is it safe?" McGonagall questioned.

"Yes," Madam Pomfrey assured us. "I don't know the theory of the magic behind it, but there has yet to be a baby born that was adversely effected by the mother having worn one."

"I would like one of those then," I said quickly.

"You will still need to visit me frequently to make sure the baby is progressing well," she said. "But I think we can arrange to get the corset for you."

"Do you want to interview adopting couples, or would you prefer something else?" McGonagall asked, getting right back to business.

"I'd rather not know them," I sighed. "I think it would tempted me to track them down eventually, and I don't want to end up in that situation."

"Would you like me to contact an adoption agency in London," she asked me quietly. "Or would you prefer to do that yourself?"

"Could you?" I asked. "And could we keep my name out of it please?"

"Sure," she agreed.

"Can I go then?" I asked, my eyes wandering to the windows of the infirmary. "It's already dark out, I have spent all day of final exams in the hospital wing instead of out in the sunshine with my friends. Especially Harry, and in a few days we will be split up again for three months."

"That should be fine," Madam Pomfrey agreed. "Just take it easy, and if you start to feel light headed again, sit down and put your head between your knees until it passes."

"Okay," I agreed, hopping out of the bed to leave. "Hey do you know where my bag went?"

"You didn't have one when you came in," Madam Pomfrey said. "Perhaps it was left behind when you fainted?"

* * *

I hurried out of the hospital wing, and headed down toward the entrance hall to see if my bag was still there. The corridors were empty, and I began to wonder just what time it was. I could see that it was dark, but I was starting to think it might it might be after curfew. It didn't feel late enough that everyone should be in bed, but perhaps they were just spending time in their common rooms.

When I stepped into the entrance hall I saw that my bag was still sprawled across the floor where I had dropped it. Some of my things had spilled out of the bag and I dropped down onto my knees and began collecting them. After a quick inventory it didn't appear that anything was actually missing. I was surprised that no one had touched my things. I scooped my now refilled bag up and tossed it over my shoulder before heading in the direction of Gryffindor tower.

When the fat lady swung open to admit me I immediately noticed that the common room was only dimly lit. Apparently it was even later than I had though, and students had in fact gone to bed for the night. The fire had died down to most embers, making it difficult to see. I pulled the portrait closed behind me and moved into the room, nearly sprawling across the floor when I tripped over something large on the floor.

I heard a strange grumbling noise coming from the lump, and when I turned back to see what it was I had tripped over I saw Neville lying stiff and awkwardly on the ground. I pulled my wand from my pocket, recognizing the symptoms of a full body-bind curse.

"Renervate," I cast with a quick flourish of my wand. "Neville are you alright?"

"Yeah thanks," he said as he sat up and began to rub his shoulders.

"Who did this to you?" I prodded as I set my bag down in nearby char and turned to look at him fully.

"Hermione," he said as he stood up and began dusting off his robes.

"What?" I gasped. "Why would she do that?"

"She was stopping me from trying to stop them," he said with a grumpy face. "They shouldn't be out of bed again. We can't afford to lose any more points."

"Did they say anything about where they were going?" I asked, brushing off his concern about losing house points.

"They didn't say, they just yelled at me." He groused. "But earlier I heard them talking about stopping Snape. I don't know what they meant, but it can't be anything good."

It all clicked together in my head then. They were in the third floor corridor, going after Snape, who must have taken the opportunity presented by Dumbledore being gone to go after the stone. They must have seen something that told them Snape was going to make his move while I was closeted away in the hospital wing. I mentally flipped through the conversations we had about that three headed dog so many months ago, and I couldn't remember any reference toward how to get past it. They must somehow be using the invisibility cloak to get by the dog, but I wasn't sure how I was going to manage it.

"I have to go Neville," I said, pushing around him to get to the portrait hole. "They are going to need my help."

"No, you can't go." Neville yelled. "We cannot afford to lose more points!"

"Neville this is about more than school," I sighed, easily skirting around the clumsy boy. "I will explain it to you in more depth later."

"I am not going to let you go," Neville said, standing up taller.

"Oh Neville," I sighed, tightening my grip on my wand. "I'm so sorry. Petrificus Totalus."

For the second time that night Neville's limbs snapped together and he toppled over onto the floor. I slid my bag under his head in an effort to make him more comfortable, and then I darted back out of the portrait hole. The corridors were still empty, but as I darted through the dark halls they now seemed suddenly ominous. I felt as if every corner I turned I might run into Filch or a professor. Of course, I could always pretend that I was heading back from the hospital wing and then hurry out of the corridor and tried to find a way to double back.

I skidded around the last corner, and I could see the door in question right ahead of me. It was partially open, which was frankly quite dangerous, and I could see Fluffy laying with two of his head resting on his paws, and the third resting on top of the left most head. He was awake, but he seemed fairly docile. I walked slowly and deliberately forward, trying to slow my breathing so it wasn't immediately obvious that I had run here. My mind raced, trying to think of a way to get past him as I walked slowly closer. I couldn't think of a spell or charm that would work. None of the options seemed to ending anything other than my painful demise.

It came to me as I stepped through the doorway. This was Hagrid's pet. It might be aggressive, but it was raised by a caring and loving man. Hagrid would have treated it like it was a fluffy rabbit not a massive terrifying Cerberus. So even though it went against every instinct in my body and I walked calmly into the room and squatted down beside one of the heads. There wasn't any barking yet, so I took that as a good sign as I held the back of my hand out to let him sniff, with a silent prayer that my hand wasn't about to be bitten off.

"Good boy fluffy," I crowed when he began to sniff at my hand with the head that was conveniently located over the trap door. I hesitantly scratched behind one of his massive ears, and his tongue lolled out. "Oh, do you like that?"

I kept scratching his ear, and one of his legs began to kick at the wall behind him. I started slowly inching toward the trap door as I kept scratching so he would not notice. I was teetering on the edge of the opening when I decided it was time. I pulled my hand away, abandoning the scratching, and I dropped into the darkness. During my brief fall through the black pit I had dropped into it occurred to me that I had no idea where this was going or how far I was going to fall. It was reckless, and risky for the baby.

I landed in a squishy plant, and sighed in relief that I hadn't inadvertently killed the pair of us. My heart rate was just starting to slow once more when I realized the plant was wrapping itself around me. I started to panic, but then I remembered a lesson from earlier in the year, and understood that I was sitting in the grasp of a Devil's Snare. I drew a deep breath to calm myself and conjured blue bell fire on the end of my wand, blasting it at the plant, which recoiled away from me immediately. I slipped through the massive vines and landed relatively gently on the floor below.

It took a second to straighten my clothes and gather my bearings. When I looked around I saw that I was in a dark chamber, and I could see a fluttering light ahead as well as quickly shifting shadows. My heart rate kicked back up when I considered what that might be, and what risk it might pose for the baby growing inside of me. I swallowed back the metallic taste of fear and walked forward.

In the next room I saw little birds flapping around and a door waiting on the other side of the room. I jogged over to the door and pulled on the knob, but it was locked. I felt like an idiot them, why would the door be unlocked. I directed my wand at the door and attempted an unlocking charm, but it did not work. I leaned my head against the door and growled in frustration. I did not have enough magical training under my belt to be dealing with this situation. I looked around the room trying to find some other way to get through the door.

That was when I noticed that it wasn't birds flying around the room. It was keys. One key in particular was flailing almost helplessly maybe 20 feet above the ground, with an obviously crushed wing. That was definitely the key that unlocked the door. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a cluster of broomsticks leaning against the wall. I trudged over to them, trying not to think about how much I had not enjoyed flying lessons.

It wasn't that I was a bad flier, or even that I didn't enjoy being in the air, but I just found sitting on a broomstick to be uncomfortable and frankly unnatural. If wizards were so magical, why were they using such uncomfortable forms of travel? Flying carpets made more sense than brooms, and simply bewitching the body to fly on its own made the most sense to me. I shook those thoughts from my mind, and grabbed the handle of the nearest broom.

I quickly mounted the broom and kicked off into the air. It immediately drew the attention of the bewitched keyes, and they began to chase after me. The key I needed couldn't fly very well, so it was only a matter of avoiding the more agile keys while I chased after the interloper.

I grabbed the key, flew down to the door, and came to an abrupt stop. I tried to ignore the other keys crashing into my back as I hover in front of the door and unlocked it. The second the door would move I flew through and kept going in my haste to escape the aggressive keys. I flew straight into the next room and found myself hovering over a massive chessboard that was attempting to piece itself back together. I was awestruck by it for a second, but then off to the side of the board I saw Hermione kneeling over an unconscious Ron, and I flew over to them.

"What happened?" I gasped, hovering just above them, causing Hermione to shriek when she saw me.

"Oh, it's you." She breathed, her hand reaching up to cover her heart. We had to play across the chessboard, and Ron had to be taken. I think he is okay, just knocked out."

"Do I have to play the chessboard?" I asked, darting a glance at the destroyed pieces. "I am horrible at chess."

"No," she said with a shake of the head. "The board is activated by stepping on it, and you've bypassed that step. If logic stands to reason, you may be able to bypass the upcoming room as well if you just don't touch the floor."

"What room?" I asked, looking ahead toward a doorway.

"There is a room just through there with a trill, but it's unconscious." She explained quickly. "The room after that is small and has a table full of potion. If you touch the floor flames will spring up in both of the doorways, and the potion you need to get through to Harry is gone now. Just fly straight through it, and you should be fine."

"Okay," I said, angling the broom back toward the other room. "Wait, why arne't you with him?"

"I was, but there wasn't enough potion for both of us to go through," she cried. "Ron and I have to get Dumbledore as soon as he is back."

"I have to go," I said in a rush as I flew away. "I can't leave Harry alone with Snape."

I didn't listen for an answer, just kept flying. I passed over the limp troll's body and zipped through the little potion room Hermione had mentioned into a stone antechamber that was empty save for a mirror and two struggling bodies. The scene fully dawned on me, and I landed throwing the broom to the side. Harry was lying on the stairs and it looked like he was about to pass out. On top of him, to my shock, was Professor Quirrell. The back of his head was bald and he had a marred face growing out of the back of his head. Both of them were screaming in pain, and I could tell that Harry was somehow causing Quirrell pain where his hand was pressed against his face, but it was clear that he was loosing.

Just as the thought flickered through my mind Harry finally lost consciousness and Quirrell began to pull away from his prone form. He was groaning in pain but obviously not unconscious. I stepped toward him, not sure of what he was going to do, but sure that I had to do something. His eyes were wild in his head, and he could hardly focus on me.

"Kill her," a high pitched voice ordered.

My mind flashed back to a crashing sound and a high pitched voice saying James before snapping back to the present. I didn't stop to think about whose voice that was, and I launched myself at Quirrell, knocking him away from Harry. We struggled for the upper hand, and he grabbed my throat cutting off my air supply. I threw all of my strength into shoving him and actually managed to knock him away from me. He staggered backward, and while clutching my throat I followed in his wake. I gave him another shove, and he tripped backward over the threshold of the little room.

Everything happened quickly then. Fire sprang up in the doorway and Quirrell was engulfed in flames. He screamed in agony and began kicking out wildly. He caught me hard in the chest and I stumbled away from him. My heels landed beyond to top step and my momentum threw me backward. I threw my arms out, trying to stop my fall, but I tumbled down the stairs anyway. I felt a sting of pain with each impact against a stair, but they didn't compare to the agony I felt when I head slammed into the ground at the bottom. I barely registered the blurry mirror in front of me reflecting the blood that was starting to leak from my temple before the room grew dark around me.

* * *

I felt as if I were weighed down in some dark space. I started to realize I must be waking up, but I struggled to remember when exactly I had fallen asleep. My eyes snapped open, but at first everything was too blurry to make out. The pain in my head forced me to scrunch my eyes closed once more. I took a quick inventory of my body, and it seemed that the majority of the pain was in my head. I felt nauseous and my body was sore, but it wasn't anything major as far as I could tell.

"I believe she is awake," I heard a muffled voice that I knew to be Albus say. "She opened her eyes a moment ago, but then she closed them again. I think it might be too bright in here for her."

"I'll dim the lights a bit," a soft female voice answered back, and I assumed it must be Madam Pomfrey. "But it's probably more to do with the concussion than the brightness of the lights. I imagine her head hurts quite a bit."

I tentatively opened my eyes again. The pain was still here, but I fought through it and after a few seconds it was at least bearable to keep my eyes open. My focus slowly came back, and I could make out Albus sitting in a chair next to me while Madam Pomfrey was peeking out of an opening in the curtain that had been pulled around my bed. That was a first; a curtain hadn't even hidden me during my treatment after the incident.

I began to try sitting up, but pain shot through my head and I stopped. I pressed my hands against my head in an effort to alleviate it, and I felt gauze wrapped around my hair. I followed it with my fingers and felt that it was wrapped over my ears, which explained why my hearing was still muffled.

"Why is this on my head?" I asked, cringing at my own voice before slipping into a whisper. "Is my head still bleeding?"

"Just a precaution," Madam Pomfrey said softly as she approached the bed. "I need to check you over first, but we can probably take it off."

"How did I get here?" I asked as she gently probed my temples.

"I brought you," Albus said quietly. "Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger sent me after Harry and yourself upon my return. After I was intercepted by an owl from Minerva of course. It's been an eventful day hasn't it my dear?"

"That's one word for it," I croaked as tears began to well up in my eyes. "Where is Quirrell?"

"I'm afraid Professor Quirrell did not survive the fire," he said with a carefully blank expression. "I've already taken care of his remains."

"Oh Merlin," I moaned, cringing when my own voice hurt my head. "i-I killed him!"

"It was hardly malicious," Albus said in an attempt to soothe me. "You were defending your brother and yourself. No one holds you responsible."

"Is Harry okay?" I asked, suddenly remembering that he had been unconscious on the floor. "Where is he?"

"He is a few beds over," Madam Pomfrey answered, gently holding my shoulder down to keep me from sitting up. "He is still out, and he needs his rest right now. You can see him when both of you are feeling better. Speaking of which, how is your head feeling?"

"I've had worse," I said, looking up at the ceiling.

"I need specifics Bianca," she tutted without losing the caring tone of voice. "You have a concussion. What happened to taking things easy? Your actions tonight didn't just put you at risk."

"I know," I cried, and then the tears burst forward as if a dam had broken. "I was so stupid. All I could think about was Harry, Ron, and Hermione being in danger. It didn't hit me how stupid I was being until I was already in the thick of it, but by then it was too late. Is the baby okay?"

"So far everything seemed to be fine. I want to keep you here for monitoring for the next few days just to be safe," she said as she handed me a tissue from the beside table. "Now, how Is your head feeling?"

"It hurts." I whispered, trying to stop the flow of tears that didn't seem to have an end. "The pain gest sharper when I speak. I feel like I might be sick if it doesn't stop soon."

"You have a serious concussion," she said plainly. "I can give you something for the nausea and pain, and we will need to keep up on the pain relief potion over the next few days. There isn't much else I can do to relieve it however."

"Do we need to keep her awake?" Albus asked, reaching out to hold my hand when he saw that I was still crying.

"We should keep her up for a bit, until I can get a more thorough assessment of her," she said as she walked toward the break in the curtain. "But I don't think we need to be terrified of her drifting off."

She left, most likely to go get the potions she had been talking about, and Albus and I sat quietly for a bit just watching her walk away. I was still shaking from tears, and they didn't seem like they were going to stop anytime soon. When minutes passed and I didn't stop crying he moved gently onto the bed and pulled me into his arms. I felt small when he bundled me up against his chest, but it was just what I needed.

"Shh," he soothed, smoothing my mussed up hair back into order. "It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay."

"How can it?" I sobbed into his robes. "I killed a man. I'm having a baby. I can't even stand to be within arm's reach of guys my age. I am completely alienated from my peers."

"We just have to take it one step at a time," he assured me, pulling me in a little tighter. "First things first, Quirrell would have died anyway. His body was badly damaged by the tussle with Harry, and the possession by Voldemort left his body in a weakened state to begin with."

"Voldemort?" I gasped before I remembered that high pitched voice telling Quirrell to kill me. "wait, was that his face in the back of his head?"

"Most likely," he said as he started to rub my arm in a comforting gesture. "It seems that Tom Riddle was inhabiting his body for at least the last couple weeks if not longer."

"Ung," I groaned, my head hurting more just attempting to understand what he was saying. "None of that changes that I am the one who pushed him into the fire."

"If I have to choose between him killing you, and him falling into the fire, it isn't a hard choice," Albus said in a barely there whisper. "And in essence you had to make that choice for me. You were in a fight for your life. It isn't your fault that he lost that fight."

When he phrased it like that it made sense on a primal level. I told myself I needed to let go od the guilt I was feeling, but I couldn't tell if it was actually working or not. I let out a tired sigh, and slumped further into his embrace.

"As for the baby, that certainly isn't your fault." He said in a gruff voice. "and it sounds like yo have already made the decision for adoption."

"It's the only one that makes sense," I cried, burying my face in his robes so I wouldn't have to make eye contact. "I haven't even turned twelve yet. I can't raise a baby. I don't think I could even love a baby that was born out of such an act of violence."

"I understand where you are coming from," he assured me gently. "And I am sure that we will find a good wizarding family to take him or her in."

"Okay," I said, wanting to believe him that everything would be okay.

"The alienation issue will change over time." He told me, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "Growing up is difficult enough without being famous, and having a terribly thing happen that draws attention to you. It will pass. I'm not saying the road won't be bumpy, but this will get better."

"What happened tonight will only draw more attention to me," I whispered. "And I anyone ever found out about the baby my life would be ruined."

"We don't have to let people know about tonight," giving Madam Pomfrey a nod as she returned. "Most people don't even know you were there, and I am sure we can count on your friends to keep your secret. I will speak to them later if you would like."

"Promise?" I asked, finally pulling back to look him in the eye.

"I promise," he agreed with a smirk as he made an X over his heart. "Now I think it's time for you to take your medicine."

"He's right," Madam Pomfrey agreed, handing me two paper cups. "Take these and then I will give you some water."

I did as she said, and I was glad that she handed me a glass of water to wash away the dreadful combination of both potions. They did make me feel better though. Within a few seconds my biggest problem was feeling drained from all the crying. I slumped back against the pillows, and Albus slid off the bed so he could tuck the blankets up to my chin.

"Let me just check your pupils one more time," she said as she took the glass from me. "Then you can go back to sleep if you want."

She lit the tip of her wand and asked me to track it as she moved it around. She seemed pleased enough with whatever she saw because she gave me permission to fall asleep if I felt tired. I did feel tired, but it looked like Albus had more to say first so I just gave her a nod and a smile and she went back to her office for what I assumed would be the rest of the night. Albus stayed standing next to the bed, so it didn't seem he would be staying through the night.

"Bianca, I promise you things are going to get better," he said softly. "I'm going to be here to help you with all of it, including your fear of men your age. It's going to take time, but hopefully together we can restore your trust. I promise that not all men are like Mr. Malfoy."

"Thank you for letting him stay at school by the way," I sighed as I burrowed into the bed. "I know its more difficult with him around, but I don't think I could handle the guilt I would feel for his expulsion or what would have happened if he had been sent home."

I could see something upsetting flit across his face, but he managed to remain calm. When his face was passive once more he turned a probing gaze on me and I could practically pull the thoughts from his mind.

"I know, I know, none of that would actually have been my fault," I sighed. "It doesn't change the way I feel though. So thank you."

"You're welcome Bianca," he sighed. "Now get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up."


	14. Chapter 14

_**Song for this chapter: What It's Like by Everlast**_

* * *

After several days of observation Madam Pomfrey was ready to let me go. I was doing fine, and the baby seemed to be fine, so she saw no reason in keeping me in the infirmary any longer. I had been spending my time talking with Harry when he finally woke up, and conversely hiding behind the curtains around my bed when other people came to visit him. Only Harry. Hermione, Ron, and Neville even knew I had been involved that night, and they were keeping the secret for me. So it made no sense for anyone to know I was in the hospital wing.

Of course some students had figured it out, but they had immediately jumped to conclusions and blamed Malfoy for it. I couldn't help but laugh at the idea that I would go anywhere near him again, but people were going to think what they wanted. It sounded like there had been a backlash against him that was driven to higher dramatics over the fact that he tended to fight back against his accusers. In the past he had just tried to pretended he could hear them, not willing to pretend that he was innocent.

When I was release there was only one day left before the end of the year banquet. I spent the majority of the day up in my dormitory packing my belongings. I was surprised by all of the possessions I had acquired over the year. It was strange to have more than what could easily be hidden within a pillow case, but I liked the feeling. When all of my things were neatly packed away in my trunk I went down to the common room. Ron and Hermione were sitting in front of the fire, and Ron was trying yet again to teach Hermione to enjoy wizard's chess.

"How's everything going?" I said as I folded my legs under me and sat next to them on the floor.

"Oh Ron's just showing me yet again that I will never be as good as he is at chess." Hermione sighed, rolling away from the board at the first presented opportunity. "One would think his demonstration the other night would have been plenty. Do you want to play?"

"Ha, no, I'm sort of adverse to that game," I laughed. "Of course you knew that already."

"That's true," she said with a small chuckle. "You know, you were pretty good on that broom. Maybe you should go out for the quidditch team next year."

"Not likely," I scoffed, my mind immediately picturing how much more uncomfortable I would be on a broom when I blew up like a whale. "I don't think the team could handle two Potters. Not to mention how dreadfully uncomfortable those things are."

"I sure wish I knew what you two were talking about," Ron groaned before prodding his queen forward to smash Hermione's bishop. "I never even saw you."

"Of course you didn't," I whispered. "I was never there."

"Right," he laughed. "I think Harry is getting out tomorrow, should we plan anything? We didn't think you would want any attention, but we weren't sure how Harry would feel."

"We probably won't have to put much thought into it," I said. "If she realizes him as late as she did me, he won't get out until just before the feast. The best we can do is to pack some of his stuff for him."

We went with Ron up to the boy dormitory and helped to round up Harry's clothes. They were strewn about the dormitory along with those that belonged to the other boys, I couldn't believe how messy they all were. Hermione and I were surprised to discover there weren't any magical protection to keep us out of the room. When it came to Harry's personal belongings we left it to Ron. I would prefer not to know if my twin brother owned anything unsavory.

That night I slept in my four poster in the dormitory for the first time in a long time, and it felt nice. IT occurred to me that I would spend the majority of the more unpleasant months of my pregnancy sleeping in this very bed, and I was grateful for how comfortable it was. I lay in the bed with my hangings pulled closed, absently rubbing at my stomach while I tried to picture what next year was going to be like.

I fell asleep with thoughts of growing babies, which caused strange dreams where I was inside of what I could only assume was a womb. It felt as if I were dreaming from the perspective of the baby growing inside of me, but everything was hard to see or hear, so I couldn't really be sure. I felt slightly disconcerted when I woke up, but I wiped the look off my face and put on a smile before opening my curtains.

It was sunny, and I got the impression that I had slept through lunch. When I took my watch off the bedside table to put it on I saw that it was early afternoon and I had missed lunch as well. Madam Pomfrey would get rather upset with me if she heard I was missing meal so I hurried to dress and see if I couldn't catch a bite to eat with Albus. I looked for him first down in the entrance hall, and I discovered that the house elves were still cleaning up.

They let me sneak in and sit at the end of one of the tables with a sandwich and a glass of pumpkin juice while they worked around me. I rather liked the house elves here, and thought they were very nice. I wondered what the other students thought about them, or if they even knew they were hear. I had never heard anyone in Gryffindor mention them, so I thought they might not know. I was still on the fence about their position, as if felt a bit like slavery to me, but the elves seemed so happy to do the work.

After my quick lunch I thanked the elves, and strolled down to see Hagrid at his hut. I took my time, enjoying the sunshine on my skin and the slight breeze tousling my hair. I climbed the stairs leading up to the hut at a much more acceptable pace than the last time I had been here, and I knocked on the door. There was no answer, but I decided to wait on the stairs for a bit just in case he was in the forest.

I ended up waiting for about thirty minutes, but then I saw him walking down from the castle. I stood up from my waiting spot and walked out to meet him as he closed the distance with a beaming smile. I couldn't help the impulse as I ran forward to wrap him in the best hug I could manage considering his berth.

"Hey Hagrid," I chirped when I released him. "I wanted to come see you before I leave tomorrow."

"Hello Bianca," he said with a growing smile. "I was just up seeing Harry quickly. Do you want to come in for some tea?"

"I'd love that," I nodded and I followed him into the hut. "Sorry I haven't been down here in such a long time."

"Tha's alright," he sighed as he set to work making tea. "I migh' not want ter come down if it were me."

"Oh, it isn't like that," I said, waiving my hands for emphasis. "I just got busy with finals and all that. I've been meaning to come down and say thank you for everything you did that night. Not to mention giving up your bed for a week."

"It was nothin'," he said, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. "I would do it again."

'Let's both hope it never comes to that shall we," I said with a nervous laugh. "I think I'm swearing off guys altogether, so it shouldn't even be an issue."

We spent the rest of the afternoon making small talk and preparing ourselves for another three months of not seeing one another. If someone had told me at the beginning of the year that Hagrid would grow to be one of the most important people in my life I would have thought they were crazy. But it had happened, and I felt tears stinging my eyes at the thought of not seeing him for such a long time. I managed to keep my composure until I left his hut, but I cried in earnest on the way back to the castle. I wondered if I was losing my mind as I wiped at my tears before entering the castle. I chalked it up to hormones and tried to keep any more tears from falling.

* * *

I joined the other students in the great hall for the end of the year feast. Everyone was present creating a crowded but welcoming environment. I sat between Hermione and Neville and we all respectively tried not to groan at the Slytherin banners hanging around us. Apparently even the outbursts that had taken place in the corridors involving Draco hadn't led to any point losses for his house. Gryffindor had made a valiant effort, but recovering from such a massive loss of points so close to the end of the year had turned out to be impossible.

When everyone was seated Albus stood, and we prepared to hear a speech about the 'great' accomplishments of the Slytherin students throughout the year. He allowed the hall to fall quiet and then he began to speak. Instead of touting the Slytherin students like expected he began handing out last minute points that tipped the balance. He gave points to Ron, Harry, Hermione and Neville and I held my breath, praying I wouldn't be included. Gryffindor took the lead with Neville's points, and Albus stopped there.

I was grateful to escape the attention, and joined in the racous cheering as the banners were changed and the celebration went on with a bit more festiveness in the air. It seemed the other houses, while still not happy to have lost, were prepared to cheer on anyone that wasn't Slytherin. I found myself wondering how those students felt about always playing the villain. I could understand the sentiment when I looked at Draco Malfoy, but I couldn't with some of the other student. They all seemed to have a bit of an attitude problem, but some of them seemed nice enough.

I pushed my mind away from whether or not some of those students were sad and instead focused my attention on the feast before me and the joy that was radiating from my peers. It helped that the house elves were serving Cullen Skink as well as rhubarb and custard, which sounded perfect together. I heaved heaping scoops of both onto my plate and dug in with the ferocity that was usually reserved for Ron.

I tried to slow myself down a bit when I saw Hermione watching me with a raised brow, but even at a slower speed she seemed to find my behavior odd. She stared at my plate, and then took a bit of each dish onto her own fork clearly deciding to give it a try before judging me. It made it as far as an inch from her mouth before her nose wrinkled in distaste and she dumped the mixture off of her fork. I took another look at what I was eating and began to wonder if it was odd. The glances Hermione kept shooting me suggested that it was.

* * *

I noticed more and more of those strange cravings as we transitioned into summer and Albus and I returned to our flat in the far outskirts of London. I was surprised to discover that he was actually enforcing the rule about no magic over break, but then I was not quite so excited by the prospect of taking my wand in hand when I noticed how much my accidental magic was increasing. I was not feeling particularly emotional so I was starting to think the pregnancy might be causing it.

Once I no longer had the distractions of school to keep my mind busy, I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I was not dealing with the events of the past school year as well as I thought I had been. It was startling to discover that I had mostly just been repressing it. I began having vivid nightmares on a routine basis and they kept both Albus and myself from getting any good sleep.

My dreams were frequently stalked by Malfoy, and they always had me waking in a cold sweat. They were broken up occasionally with nightmares of burning to death, and I had a feeling those weren't going to pass until I had dealt with the guilt I felt over my involvement in Quirrell's death. I wondered if Harry was having the same problem, since my involvement was never fully explained to him, and it came off sounding as if he had been the one to kill Quirrell.

I couldn't know for sure what he was feeling as he refused to answer any of my post. I sent a letter nearly every day of the week, but he would never respond. I began to think he might be angry with me, but I didn't understand why. Even if Hermione had told him that I joined him in the stone antechamber he wouldn't know that he was being allowed to take fall for my actions so I didn't understand the anger. And that wasn't even taking into account that he hadn't gotten in trouble in any way shape or form for what I was allowing him to believe he did. Or was he angry because he knew I did it, but that I was letting him think he had done it? I didn't know how he could know that though.

Albus had been devoting a lot of time to talk therapy with me, and I was grateful for it, but it left me feeling weighted down. When I had to spend each day talking about my failures I began to grow more despondent, and we began to search for an alternative therapy. We first tried art, which was enjoyable, but I did not gain much perspective from it. I was not particularly inclined to drawing or painting so it felt more like a homework assignment than a healing project.

About a month into summer we stumbled onto the answer. Music did strike a chord with me, and while listening to songs that related to what I had gone through helped, they still weren't quite enough. Albus suggested that I start trying to write my own songs, and he conjured a guitar for me right there at the breakfast table. I couldn't help but smile when he handed it to me.

He spent the day teaching me how to play. I hadn't pegged him as a musician, but Albus was an accomplished player and a wonderful teacher. By the end of the day I could play basic chords, and I was working on composing my first song. I felt like I was really making progress, but I didn't know what I wanted to sing about.

I went to sleep that night still lost as to how to properly express myself in a song, and it wasn't long before I fell into the world of nightmares again. When I woke in a cold sweat yet again, it was as if the lyrics were screaming themselves inside of my head. I sprung out of bed, slightly dizzy from the quick movement, and pulled out a scrap of parchment to quickly scribble them out. When they were there in wet ink on the parchment I reached for the guitar, and despite the fact that it was three in the morning I began to strum.

I knew it was late, and that Albus was sleeping, but I started to sing anyway. At first my voice fumbled, but then I found the true tone of the song and I let the song take me. My fingers grew more confident on the guitar as I moved further into the song.

* * *

_"It happens to other people:_

_You say how sad, you say poor thing:_

_But when it's you, it's something else._

_It's everything:_

_You'd never believe the nightmares:_

_You'd never know the pain you caused:_

_You'd never see the scars you left:_

_The things you stole, everything I lost:_

_You took my body, tore it in half:_

_You took my childhood, my heart and my laugh:_

_You took everything I kept for myself:_

_Then you're gone:_

_I'm not your poor thing"_

_(from degrassi, 'poor thing')_

* * *

I poured my soul into the words, and I let the pain flow of out me like poison. The song was short, but it said what I needed to say. I was crying by the end of it, and I looked up with blurry eyes when I heard clapping in the doorway. Albus was standing there in his pajamas with a beaming smile on his face clapping as if I had just played him the most beautiful piece of music.

"Very good," he said quietly as he came to stand behind my desk chair and put a hand on my shoulder. "Let that all out."

I nodded to him, and then I began to play the song again.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Song for this chapter: It's Been A While by Staind**_

* * *

I spent a few days not leaving the house much, and I wrote several more songs to boot. Most of them were about what Malfoy had done, but I also wrote about my guilt, and even one that was both happy and sad in relation to the upcoming birth of my baby. That particular one seemed to flow out of me of its own after a floo call with McGonagall. The adoption agency had found a family, and McGonagall knew who they were. When she told Albus their last name was Bones I fled from the kitchen, not wanting to know any more about the family that would raise my child. I went straight to my room and started playing so I wouldn't think about it.

I was growing more attached to the baby than I was willing to admit aloud. I had started referring to it as my little midget in my mind, and I was thinking of it more fondly than I should be. So I didn't want to know who would be raising the child, because I knew now that I would want to find them. I wanted to keep the child shielded from me because of the fame associated with my name, and the infamy around the incident of conception that spread like wildfire if word got out that I was pregnant. I was starting to think I might actually love this child, and the last thing I wanted was to hurt it.

So I poured the emotion I was feeling about the situation into song. I wrote out verse after verse until I no longer had any parchment to write on. I dug through my desk looking for more but it appeared I was completely out. I needed to make a trip into Diagon Alley for more, but Albus was no home. I had access to my bank account, and I knew how to get there so I decided to go on my own.

I used a paper towel in the kitchen to write a note telling him where I had gone and when I was planning to be home. I checked the mail spot on the counter to see if today was the day Harry had chosen to write back to me, but there still wasn't any post for me. I sighed and grabbed my little purse from the hook on the wall and turned toward the fireplace with a bit of a spring in my step.

The trip from my kitchen fireplace to the one in the Leaky Cauldron was a short one, but it was enough to send me running off to the ladies room. I was mostly out of the woods with morning sickness now, but it didn't take much to upset my stomach. I quietly reminded my little midget to mind their manner before I slipped out of the bathroom stall to rinse my mouth out in the sink. I was still feeling a bit shaky and not quite ready to go shopping so I went over to the bar and ordered a sparkling water and a few crackers from Tom while I waited for my stomach to settle.

I was making small talk with Tom when a young man sat down on the stool next to me and ordered a pumpkin juice. At first I shifted away from him out of instinct, but when I actually looked at him he didn't seem all that threatening. He had a prominent brow, but soft eyes, and a simple smile. His dusty blonde hair looked almost brown, and I noticed that his eyes were a bluish grey. I pulled up short after that and turned my eyes back to my sparkling water. Had I really been sizing him up as a prospective interest? That couldn't be right. I shook my head and focused on my crackers and my firm resolve not to mess around with boys anymore.

"Hi," he said as he turned his stool to face me and extended his hand in greeting. "My name is Cedric Diggory."

"I'm Bianca Potter," I said, shaking his hand, and jolting at the tingle I felt in my fingers when they brushed his skin, before I jerked my hand back into my lap. "It's nice to meet you. Don't you go to Hogwarts?"

"Yes, I'm about to start into my fourth year," he answered before asking me a question out of politeness that I could tell he already knew the answer to. "How about you?"

"I'll be in my second year this fall," I said, realizing how young that sounded no matter how old I might actually feel. "Perhaps I'll see you at school. I have to run and pick up some parchment."

I gave him a quick nod as I put some money on the bar to pay and then I slid off my stool and hurried away. I paused briefly at the door to look back at him and he waved to me. I didn't want him to think me rude, so I waved back to him before I slide out of the doorway and let it slide closed behind me. I began tapping the intricate patter along the bricks in the wall, and just like it had last summer the wall began to open. The archway formed and I made my way down to Flourish and Blotts. They sold a thicker stock of parchment, which I preferred to use so the ink didn't bleed through to the other side.

I bypassed all of the stacks and went to the back room where all the different types of parchment were sorted on the shelves by color and weight. The lightly colored medium grade parchment I wanted was on a shelf much taller than me, and I wasn't actually allowed to cast a summoning charm as it was summer break, so I began delicately climbing the shelves. I had just taken a bit of parchment into my hand when I lost my footing on the shelves and began to tumble backward toward the floor. I crashed into a set of arms, which I was certain had bruised my ribs, but was still considerably better than smashing my body into the floor and possible injuring my little midget. I quickly pulled away from whoever was holding me when I had my footing, and tried to shake the creeping feeling in my body at having someone I didn't know putting their hands on me.

"Thanks," I said as brightly as I could manage as I turned to face my helper. "Oh hey it's you."

"We can't keep running into each other like this," Cedric said with a grin. "Do you need help getting parchment off the top shelf?"

"Yes, actually," I said holding up the bit in my hand. "I only managed to get on piece before I fell."

"I'll get it," he chuckled as he stood up on his tiptoes and grabbed the parchment with ease, giving it a once over before handing it to me. "You writing a resume or something?"

"No," I laughed. "I needed more parchment for writing my music."

"Your music?" he asked, leaning in just a bit to listen as he handed over the parchment. "You write it yourself?"

"Some of it yeah," I said, feeling a blush warm my cheeks. "I am trying to learn some popular music as well. I thought it might be fun to put together a choir or glee club at Hogwarts this next year."

"That sounds awesome," he said with perhaps a little too much enthusiasm. "I bet lot of people would join."

"We'll see. I would have to ask Professor Dumbledore for permission of course," I said, the wheels beginning to turn in my mind. "Would you be interested in something like that?"

"Definitely," he said quickly. "Of course, I would have to learn to sing like something other than a wounded animal."

"You can't be that bad," I laughed.

"You have no idea," he said as he ran his hand through his somewhat unruly hair. "The shower cringes at the thought my singing."

"Well maybe you can play tambourine then," I joked as I started walking toward the register with my purchase.

"So… do you want to hang out some time?" Cedric asked as the shop attendant rung me up.

"Sure," I shrugged. "I could give you singing lessons."

"Haha, yeah maybe," he said with a gentle blush of his own. "Maybe we could go for a walk or something."

"That could be fun," I said softly, embarrassed by how much I was interested in his invitation. "Send me an owl some time."

* * *

When I got home Albus was preparing dinner. I immediately checked the mail spot which drew his attention away from the beans he was making. He set the spoon aside and offered me a sad shrug.

"Still no post from Harry," he told me. "I'm sure he'll write soon though. How do beans and toast sound for dinner?"

"It sounds okay," I said not wanting to rain on his excitement over the meal. "Could we also have apple sauce? That sounds very good today."

"Babies have such fascinating appetites," he muttered to himself as I backed out of the kitchen to head upstairs.

I shook my head and went to write another letter to Harry. I was starting to get a bit frustrated and it showed in the length of the letter. This one was only a little more than a paragraph. I folded up the small length of parchment and went in search of Albus's little black owl Rodger. It probably would have gotten there faster if I were to send it with Fawkes, but he was a rather flashy bird and he was bound to draw too much attention to himself in a muggle neighborhood. Not to mention the fact that he was starting to look a bit haggard, and must have a molting coming up sometime in the near future. I didn't want to over exert him.

After I finished the letter I took a sheet of my new parchment and I began to work on a new song. Just in case Cedric did want to do something musical whenever we hung out next, I didn't want all of my songs to be about rape, abuse, or pregnancy. They were good for working through the issues that had been plaguing me this summer, but it didn't seem like the right sort of music to share with Cedric.

I was halfway through the first verse of a song I was calling I Believe I Can Fly when Albus called me down to dinner. I couldn't help but laugh at the lyrics I had come up with. Of course I could fly, the song seemed to be from a muggle perspective in that it was surprising that a person might fly. I found myself hoping it would make Cedric laugh and then I began to wonder why I cared.

Albus had a package waiting for me on the table when I came down, and my momentary hope that it was something from Harry passed when I saw that a tiny bit of the humor had died out of his eyes. That clearly meant that it was from Madam Pomfrey. He always became serious when she sent me more of what I needed to stay healthy while there was a baby growing inside of me.

I opened the package and saw that there were several more bottle of prenatal vitamins, a cloth garment, and a note. I grabbed the note first and read her brief instructions to keep up on taking my vitamins daily as well as her telling me that the garment was the Bagnold corset. I did mental math, and with it being the middle of July I was hitting just about four months along. I ran my fingers over the soft material of the corset and wondered what it would feel like on.

My hand went to my stomach of its own accord and I unconsciously rubbed the bump caused by my little midget. I left Albus standing in the kitchen with dinner and went into the living room where a mirror hung over the mantle. I lifted my shirt up to expose my stomach, and turned to the side so I could see how much I had grown. I wasn't sure how I hadn't noticed it before, but I was really starting to put on weight now. It had been lucky that I'd been wearing breezy flowing topes for summer or people might have noticed the changes.

I wrapped the corset around my middle and gently tied the laces tight enough to keep it from falling off. Madam Pomfrey had said that it would be comfortable, but I hadn't really believed her until putting it on. I couldn't predict how it was going to feel when I got bigger, but I hoped it would stay just as comfortable. I pulled my shirt down over the corset and saw that my little bump was completely gone now. It was a strange feeling. I was partially relieved as the shame of a visible pregnancy bled out of me, but I also felt a bit of sadness that I couldn't quite explain to myself.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Song for this chapter: Dietro Casa by Ludovico Einaudi**_

* * *

I was eating breakfast the day before my birthday when I finally got some post. I eagerly took the letter that Albus handed to me, but my hopes were quickly dashed when I realized it wasn't from Harry. My heart seemed to flutter back up in my chest however when I saw that it was from Cedric. I could use some time with a friend to try and forget that my brother didn't seem to want anything to do with me. I decided right there at the breakfast table that I wasn't going to send another letter to Harry this summer. He was either going to write me back or he wasn't, but I wasn't going to keep setting myself up to be hurt.

The letter from Cedric was asking if I wanted to come over to his house for dinner on the first of August. He said that he really wanted to invite me over for my Birthday, but he didn't know fi Albus and I had family plans. Of course he hadn't called him Albus, out of respect. It said, should I choose to accept, he would come get me, and we could walk to his house. Apparently he only lived a few blocks away. His dad had just gotten a box of Filibuster fireworks and they were going to head out toward Ottery St. Catchpole to light them off and have a bon fire. I sent a quick response owl over to let him know that I would love to go, and it would be fine for him to come pick me up. I might have actually just walked over to tell him my response in person, but he hadn't actually included his address in his letter.

My birthday was a fairly uneventful evening with Albus. It was certainly less traumatic than my last birthday. I slept in for as long as I wanted before joining Albus down in the living room where he was reading quietly. He gave me my gift which was a new guitar that had been purchased from a muggle store, and sounded so much more soulful than the one he had conjured from a kitchen spoon, as well as a few books of popular music for me to learn. I was ecstatic, and I couldn't help but give him a tight hug. Nor did I seem to be able to control the tears that such a gift brought out in me, but I hoped he would forgive the hormonal display.

He made a delicious birthday dinner, and a bit of a disaster that was mascaraing as a birthday cake. Something had gone terribly wrong while it was in the oven and it turned out to be more of a pudding than anything else. I laughed heartily with Albus as we scooped it into bowls and ate it in front of the fire. During dessert I got post from Ron and Hermione with my presents from them. Ron had sent me a whole bag of chocolate frogs while Hermione had sent me a vintage Weird Sisters shirt. I still hadn't gotten a letter from Harry, so I didn't feel very guilty about having only sent him a package of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum.

* * *

The day after my birthday saw me dressing with the corset to be worn out in public for the first time. I was actually kind of nice to be able to done a simple pink tank top and forget about the flowing gauzy tops. I was just pulling my hair back into a ponytail when I heard a knock at the door. I hurried down the stairs and threw the front door open. Cedric was waiting for me on the porch with a bouquet of flowers, which made my heart flutter in a way that it really shouldn't.

"Hey," I said, leaning against the door frame. "Albus really loves flowers. How did you know that stargazer lilies were his favorite?"

"They're actually for you," he said with a blush. "Are stargazers your favorite too by any chance?"

"I do like them," I said cautiously as I pulled the door closed so our conversation would not be overheard by Albus. "I was wondering why you got them."

"I, well, I thought it would be nice," he stammered, his face growing redder by the second. "It was stupid. I'm sorry."

"No they're nice, I like them," I said, reaching out to take them. "What I meant was, is this supposed to be a date?"

"Well kind of, but a lame one I guess, since my parents are coming." He said in a rush. "Is that okay?"

"Well, don't know…" I trailed off. "I mean you… you know about… last year don't you?"

"Which part?" he asked quietly. "The part with that jerk, or the part where I saw a nice girl who was pretty and smart? Which is a rare combination by the way."

"I meant the part with the jerk," I whispered, dropping my eyes to the porch. "I might be a little gun shy."

"Well this isn't a horse race," he said, running his hand though his hair. "We have plenty of time to get to know each other and see if this is what we want."

"Okay," I smiled, my nerves soothed by his words. "I should probably put these in water."

We went inside so I could put the flowers in water, but I quickly discovered we didn't actually own a vase. I dug a water pitcher out of the cabinet and filled that instead. When it was sitting on the kitchen table with the flowers inside it looked like it was actually a vase. I spared them a smile and then I let Cedric lead me out of the house.

As it turned out, he really did live close by. We walked a few blocks east and found his parents sitting on the front porch waiting for us. We drove out into the country side and I stood by Mrs. Diggory watching while Cedric and his father build the bonfire. I loved the smell of a burning fire. I couldn't say why but the scent always made me feel energized.

"Have you ever thought about making one of those big pigs?" Cedric asked as we slid hot dogs onto roasting sticks to hold over the fire.

"I saw one in a picture once, but I've never really considered eating one," I admitted. "I don't really understand why people put apples in their mouths to cook them. Does that affect the flavor?"

"I have no idea, I've never had one either," he shrugged. "In my muggle studies class we read about Hawaiian culture, and it said that they cook their pigs in sand pits."

"Sounds gritty," I laughed. "Sometimes I like muggle food better than wizarding food. You know it's basically impossible to find a good trail mix in the wizarding world."

"Trail mix?" he asked as he pulled his hot dog out of the fire and set it on a plate before putting a new hot dog onto his stick.

"It's a mix of different things. They all have nuts, but some have chocolate, or raisins, or other dried fruits, or even these little crouton things that are so yummy." I explained, almost dropping my hotdog into the fire when I started gesturing with my hands. "I'm telling you. I would pay a fortune for a dehydrated slice of banana right now?"

"Can't you cast a moisture removal charm on a banana and then slice it?" he suggested easily as he delicately pulled the now somewhat charred hot dog off of my stick and added a new one. "That way you would really only being paying for a banana which is not very expensive."

"I can't use magic outside of school," I grumbled before leaning in conspiratorially. "Do your parents let you?"

"No, I wasn't really meaning right now. I meant during school," he shrugged. "If you wanted one right away, you could ask your dad too."

There was a pause and then his face grew very worried, which I found terribly confusing. I watched him, hopping he would explain it, because I was at a loss.

"I'm sorry. I meant Professor Dumbledore," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to bring up your parents or upset you."

"Calm down," I said with a soft smile. "I'm not upset. I knew you meant Albus. I mean he sort of is my dad isn't he? In everything but blood he is."

We fell back into comfortable conversation after that, and his parents eventually joined us beside the fire. We enjoyed the BBQ and laughed together. I found I rather liked his parents. His dad in particular amused me as he set off the firework and made quite the production out of it. Cedric seemed a little embarrassed, but I thought his dad was Hilarious.

It was dark by the time Cedric walked me home, which made it automatically feel more intimate. He was still a perfect gentleman, and did not try to push my physical boundaries. When we arrived on my porch he handed over a small wrapped box and I looked up at him in surprise.

"You shouldn't have," I said quickly. "Really the party was a great present. I had such a wonderful time."

"I wanted to," he said with a sweet smile. "Besides it's not all that big, so don't sweat it."

I quickly opened it, and the paper revealed a small white box. It was so small that I couldn't even imagine what it would hold, but I couldn't help but smile when I pulled back the lid. There was a little plastic pink guitar pick sitting inside the box. It had flecks of glitter in it that caught the light on the porch when I pulled it out of the box.

"This is perfect," I said, beaming at him. "Thank you."

"I noticed that you had little callouses on your fingers," he explained. "I thought this might help."

"I'll have to use it next time we get together," I told him as I opened the front door. "I will have to play something for you."

* * *

We got together regularly after that, and it was easy to see that we were growing close. We had curtained breached the edge of the friend zone, but we were not any more physical than hand holding. The first time he had taken my hand we had been walking between his house and mine, enjoying ice cream cones. He had been smiling, and his cheeks growing pink as I noticed they did whenever he was thinking something about me, and then he had just reached out and tangled his fingers with mine.

My first instinct was to be afraid, but after my initial gasp of surprise I realized I rather liked it. His hands were warm and gently, and when all he did was simply hold my hand and keep walking it made me feel safe. I let him hold my hand whenever he wanted after that.

The more time I spent with him the more difficult it became to hide some of the more obvious pregnancy symptoms from him. The morning sickness had passed, but I was still having strange cravings that he seemed to find just as odd as Hermione had. With Cedric it was a little different though. He seemed ready to indulge them, and he seemed to find them endearing. My intense mood swings were more difficult to deal with, but I felt like I was doing a fairly good job of keeping them under his notice.

When something made me want to cry it was a little harder to find, but I had been lucky enough so far that he hadn't found those to weird either. I wondered if maybe he expected me to be an emotional wreck after the year I had, and that he just accepted any tears because of that. The very first time we hugged came out of one of those emotional rollercoasters.

We'd been lazing about in his rec room watching a movie when I'd really lost it. I still thought it odd that they even had a television let alone a tape player, but his mother had a minor obsession with muggles that was adorable. She'd lent us a movie to watch called Speak that neither Cedric or I had ever heard of. I was surprised and somewhat devastated to discover that the movie was about a girl who had been raped at a party, and had been helpless to stop the ensuing barrage of tears.

Cedric had acted quickly, first turning the movie off, and then pulling me into a warm embrace. For a second I had pushed against him, but then I had accepted the hug and cried helplessly against his chest. It had drawn the attention of his mother, and I heard Cedric quietly explaining to her what had happened the last year, and why the movie had upset me. She had apologized profusely while I clung to Cedric and tried to ride out the tears. When I had calmed he had held my hand and walked me home to Albus who had already received word of what had happened and was waiting for me with a mug of hot chocolate and my guitar.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Song for this chapter: The Eternal City by Michele Mclaughlin**_

* * *

Four days before we were set to return to Hogwarts found me over at Cedric's house once more. It had started off as an uneventful day, but it quickly turned sour. We had been lying out on a blanket in the backyard soaking up the sun while we enjoyed a picnic basket and Cedric read aloud from _Quidditch Through The Ages_ to me. Everything was calm, and I was reaching out to slap his arm after he had made a joke about Harry's seeking skills when a startling pain tore through my abdomen forcing a cry from my mouth.

"What's wrong?" Cedric asked, his eyes tight with concern.

I was at a loss over how to answer. I was terrified that something had gone terribly wrong with the baby, but I couldn't very well tell Cedric that could I? I was frozen in fear as another pain rocked me and tears started to sting my eyes.

"I, I think—" I interrupted myself with another cry as yet another ripple of pain rolled through me. "Home. Take me home."

"What's wrong? What's happening?" he asked as he tossed the book to the side and sat up on his knees to offer me his hand.

"I think I'm sick," I groaned through another pain that I was starting to think might be caused by very premature labor. "I need Albus."

"Okay," he said, trying to pull me up to my feet but stopping when I moaned at the pain that it caused. "Oh.. oh, sit here. I'm going to go get my mom."

My only response was a pitiful whine as he ran off and I slumped back onto the ground. I rolled onto my side curling my legs up toward my chest in an effort to alleviate the pain. I thought maybe I should take off the corset, but I didn't want Cedric to see what I looked like without it. It wasn't long before Mrs. Diggory was hover over me with a concerned look on her face. When she reached down to wipe my hair out of my face I realized I must have begun to sweat because my hair was plastered to the side of my face.

"Please take me home," I whispered, struggling to breathe through the pain that had spread to include my back.

"I don't know if it's a good idea to move you," she pointed out softly. "We don't actually know what's wrong with you."

"It's probably… my appendix," I lied. "I just need my… I… Albus, I just need him."

"Okay," she nodded before hurrying off toward the house calling over her shoulder. "I'll bring him here, just hold on a second."

Cedric kneeled on the ground beside me holding my sweaty hand in his cool one as I tried to keep breathing evenly. I could distinguish waves of it now, and that made me rather certain that I was going into labor. I couldn't help it I started crying again. I wasn't due until December, this shouldn't be happening so soon. The adopting family hadn't even signed the papers yet. What id they back out now because the baby was coming so early? I was just working myself into a real panic when Albus's face replaced Cedric's above me.

"Hello Bianca," he said in his unfalteringly calm voice though I could see concern in his eyes. "Feeling a little under the weather?"

"Yeah," I panted, trying to calm myself as well. "I think I should see a healer… Ahhhh….. I think I should see one right away."

"I agree," he said, real concern flickering through his face before he smoothed it once more. "I'm going to hoist you up so we can apparate. It might hurt a bit, but I need you to be tough for me."

"Okay," I groaned, and he pulled me into his chest and began to stand.

I buried my face in his shoulder to keep from crying out when he moved me. I felt as if I might swoon and then I felt the tugging and squishing sensation of slide-along. My eyes were still shut tight, with my fist locked tightly around the lapel of his robes when I felt myself being lowered into a seat and realized that there was someone else talking to me.

I forced my eyes open and found myself sitting in a wheelchair with Albus gently prying my fingers off of his robes. The person talking to me appeared to be an intake worker at St. Mungos. I groaned in reponse to her questions and heard Albus step up to give the answers. After a minute of them talking I was moving again as someone pushed my chair down the hallway. They made more right and left turns than I could keep track of, and then we rolled into a private room with a single bed.

"Let's get you moved over shall we," said the young witch in a cheery voice. "I'm healer Margery by the way."

"Pleasure," I grimaced through gritted teeth as I moved onto the bed with assistance from Albus.

"What seems to be ailing you today Ms. Potter?" she asked, undaunted by my ill temper.

"I think I am in labor," I said feeling like the tears might start again. "I am not due for months though."

"Right, right," she said as she looked over a chart in her hand before setting it aside. "You shouldn't be due until the middle of December. Could you tell me what you are feeling right now?"

She was gentle as she lifted my shirt, and her fingers deftly sought the invisible laces of the corset that must have been listed somewhere on my chart as well.

"Pain," I whimpered as she quickly unlaced it and pulled it away revealing my visibly pregnant belly. "Lots of it. In my back and stomach. It's pulsing and comes in waves."

"Hmm," she mused to herself as she examined my stomach before casting a few spells that gave her results I had no hope of understanding. "I will need to do a full examination, but I think this could be Braxton Hicks."

She remained entirely calm and collected as she jumped right into the exam. Albus went to wait in the hall while I was quickly changed into a hospital gown, and then he was relegated to the head of the bed for my modesty when he returned. Her exam was thorough, and frankly uncomfortable, but she was able to determine rather quickly that it was in fact Braxton Hicks which she explained were false contractions.

She put me on a course of potions that would help with the pain, and would help stop the false contractions. She wanted to keep me overnight to monitor my progress, and I agreed easily. She explained that these contractions were caused by my body practicing for labor, but that even those shouldn't have come as early as this so she wanted to keep an eye on me. I was relieved to know that the baby was fine, but I cringed at the thought that this was just practice and it could get worse when it was the real thing.

* * *

My overnight stay quickly morphed into a much longer one. The potions were not working as quickly expected, and while the contractions were spacing further apart they were not stopping completely. The healers kept giving me multiple doses of the potions, and checked in on both me and the baby constantly.

In between bouts of pain I had time to take in my surroundings, and found that the wizarding hospital was actually quite interesting. There were all sorts of strange ailments to be found in the patients in surrounding rooms. There was a man in the room across the hall who I caught a glimpse of when he was being taken off for a treatment, and I was shocked to see that he had grown a second head. One evening I saw a woman who had grown whickers and cat ears, but otherwise looked completely normal. When that man peeped into my room it was noticed that my room was not really as private as it was supposed to be, and my door was shut and warded to keep anyone from finding out Bianca Potter was present for treatment relating to a pregnancy.

Albus was popping in an out of my room, keeping an eye on me as well as keeping things running smoothly to start school up for the year once more. By the third day he was gone for nearly the entirety of it for staff meetings, but I was feeling quite a bit better so I wasn't as distraught to have him gone. I had also received word that the adoption family had been informed of what had happened, and they were still interested in adopting the baby. They had finally signed the papers, and they were pending approval in the ministry office for Wizarding Family Adjustments.

It was early in the morning of my fourth day at the hospital the healer came in to let Albus know I was being released. My contractions had finally stopped completely, and they felt confident transferring me into Madam Pomfrey's care. Albus signed all of the required paperwork, and then made arrangements with me for taking the train to school. He needed to get back to the school, and he didn't want to apparate me there and putting more risk on the baby. So he gave me cab fare and a guilty kiss on the forehead before he left.

I wished I hadn't sent him off when I still found myself seated in my room waiting for the discharge healer hours later. I fought off the urge to drift off to sleep no matter how tired I was, because I was sure that the second I dozed off I would be mistaken for a patient that was being kept in the hospital and I wouldn't be released on time. I was dressed in all of my school gear other than my robes sitting as patiently as I could waiting, but I was quickly growing irritated.

"I'm so sorry for the delay," the discharge healer said kindly as she swept into my room. "All of the paper work has been taken care of, and you are free to go."

"Thank you," I said as she handed me a bit of sealed parchment that I assumed was my discharge papers.

I followed her out of the room and back out to the main area. I checked my watch when I was standing in the waiting room and groaned. It was 11:15 and I had already missed the train. I swallowed down a scream of frustration and opted not to kick anyone no matter how badly I might want to. Instead I walked up to the woman at the intake desk and plastered a smile on my face.

"Excuse me, is there a traveling floo here in the hospital?" I asked with as much calm as I could muster.

"Yes there is sweetheart," she said kindly when she looked up and saw how young I was. "Do you need to get somewhere?"

"Yes," I explained. "My release took a bit longer than expected, and I have missed the Hogwarts Express."

"You know you cannot floo into Hogwarts right?" she asked with a sad smile. "The network is closed off to the protect the school."

"I thought I'd floo into one of the businesses in the village. That's allowed isn't it?" I asked, aware that it came out more whiny than I had intended.

"Yes you could floo into Hogsmeade," she said, the bright smile returning. "I would recommend the Three Broom Sticks as your entry site."

"Sounds great," I said with a smile of my own. "May I buy a bit of floo powder from you? Or is there a place nearby?"

"I think I could just give you a pinch of it," she whispered conspiratorially. "It hardly seems fair to charge you when it's our fault you missed the train."

"That would be very kind of you," I agreed. "And I would greatly appreciate it."

She handed me a small pinch, which I held carefully in my hand as she led me away from the desk. I followed her to a side hallways that several large fireplaces all in a row. She lit a fire in the closest one, and motioned for me to use it. I nodded my head in agreement when she asked if I had ever traveled by floo before, and she left me to it. I tossed the powder into the fire, and climbed in, announcing my destination clearly.

I regretted my choice of travel almost as soon as it started. Spinning rapidly through the air easily upset my already aggravated stomach and it was all I could do not to be sick. I folded my arms protectively over my hidden stomach and clamped my eyes shut waiting for it to end. Soon enough my feet were landing on solid floor again. I stepped out onto the hearth, and didn't bother even trying to dust myself off before I shot off toward the bathroom I saw in the corner.

After rinsing my mouth and splashing a bit of water on my face I went back out into the main room and purchased a bottle of pumpkin juice. I gave the bar mistress a smile, and a large tip, and then I headed out into the bright sunshine. The garden sundial outside the shop matched up with my watch in saying that it was 11:30. I was suddenly in possession of quite a bit of free time before the other students arrived. I decided to explore the little village for a little while since I had only ever seen it at a distance while getting off the train, since younger students weren't actually allowed to visit.

There were a lot of different shops, but not quite as many as there were in Diagon Alley. The first shop to catch my eye was a shop called Honeydukes with a window display full of mouthwatering candy. I hurried over and inside, hardly paying attention to the shop owners as I looked through the rows and rows of candies I had never even seen.

It was hard to choose when surrounded by so many options. I decided to just let my random cravings make the decision for me. I wasn't exactly surprised when I found myself in the aisle full of strange treats. After a few minutes browsing I was walking up to the counter with an arm full of cockroach clusters and blood pops. I wondered if perhaps the baby wasn't even human while the old woman rang up my order.

When I had my bag of treats in hand I decided I should head up to the castle, and started off on the long walk home. I had walked all the way to the gates before I remembered that I was supposed to be taking it easy. I sat down on the ground, leaning against the gate, and tried not to think about how frustrating the day had been. I took out a bit of cockroach cluster and sighed about the thought that this would have been much easier if I had an owl.

I found myself actually wishing that I had a broom no matter how uncomfortable they were. I would gladly take a short uncomfortable ride over a long tiring walk if I had a choice. I felt like I was about to start crying again when suddenly I heard a creaking sound too my left. I looked over and saw that one of the school carriages was rolling was rolling toward me. I almost burst into tears of joy as I pulled myself up off the ground again. I hurried over to the carriage, wondering yet again what spell enchanted them to pull themselves up to the castle.

The ride was quick, though a little bumpy, and it had the bile rising in my stomach once more, but at least I didn't have to walk. I wondered if the nausea was ever going to end as I kept breathing evenly attempting to keep from actually getting sick. If it didn't, hiding the pregnancy was going to get more difficult. Cedric was only going to believe I had a touch of the stomach fly for so long. I was missing him, though I didn't want to admit it. We should be as close as we were, it wasn't exactly safe, but my gut told me he wasn't going to be like Draco.

* * *

My mind was so wrapped up in questions about men that I didn't immediately notice that the carriage had stopped. I was sitting in my seat trying to decipher the right answer when the carriage was jostlyed and the door opened. McGonagall climbed in and took a seat across from me, causing me to jump in surprise.

"Hello Bianca," she said quietly as she settled into her seat more comfortably. "Might I asked how you got here?"

"I uhh… missed the train…" I stammered trying to gather my bearings. "So I took the floo to the three broomsticks."

"How did you miss the train dear?" she asked without seeming to be upset with me, which I appreciated.

"I… uh," I groaned, shifting in my seat with nerves as well as an upset stomach. "I didn't get release from St. Mungos in time."

"St. Mugos's my dear, are you okay?" she said, her eyes full of surprise.

"Sure, I'm fine," I said quietly. "I'm feeling much better now."

"Is the baby okay?" she asked very quietly.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I was just having false contractions. It scared me, but I probably just have a low pain tolerance."

"Oh, I doubt that," she said with an encouraging smile. "You didn't even make a peep about a lingering concussion at the end of the year. You seem to have a rather high pain tolerance if you ask me."

"I wish that made me feel better," I said, embarrassed that the tears started to pool in my eyes again. "If I do have a high pain tolerance, then the contractions must have been really bad."

"Oh honey," she sighed, pulling me gently into a hug. "the hormones are really getting to you aren't they?"

"Yes," I groaned, crying into her shoulder and fighting the irritation I felt at her words, knowing that too was caused by my unbalanced hormones.

"Let's get you inside," she said as she angled herself to push the carriage door open again. "We can have a spot of tea, and then we'll nip up to see Albus for a bit while we wait for the other students to arrive."

I peeled myself off her shoulder, mopping up my tears, and I followed her out of the carriage. I reached back at the last second to collect my candies, and then the carriage disappeared. The sunshine beaming down on my skin helped while keeping my tears in check. That seemed to encourage McGonagall and she offered me another smile when I wasn't crying profusely anymore.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Song for this chapter: Riot by Three Days Grace  
**_

* * *

The afternoon passed easily, and I was much calmer by the time the dinner hour began to approach. I hurried down to the entrance hall just in time to join the other students as they poured in from the carriages. I saw Hermione, and a frightened looking red headed girl that I assumed was Ron's younger sister Ginny some in. I was watching them walk toward me when I saw Cedric come through the door. I gave the girls a quick smile and wave before I headed over to meet Cedric at the door. He pulled me into a tight hug, and to my surprise I felt a rush of warmth rather than a spike in my adrenaline.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, putting me back at an arms length, but keeping his hands on my shoulders as he looked me over with concerned eyes. "I hadn't heard anything from you since you went to the hospital."

"Better," I said cheerfully while trying to think of a lie. "They said my appendix burst. I just got released today, and not even soon enough to catch the train. I'm sorry that I worried you."

"Did they fix everything?" he said, his eyes sweeping over me once more though he released me trusting that I was better.

"Yeah," I said with a relieved sigh. "I'm supposed to take it easy for a while, but I'm fine."

"Good, good," he chuckled. "I guess no crazy adventures this year then."

"Hopefully not," I said with a laugh of my own. "Last year was enough to last me a life time."

"Well here's to this year being nice and dull," he laughed as he ushered me into the great hall ahead of him.

As we walked a few steps into the hall it occurred to us at the same time that we were not from the same house, and thus unable to sit with each other during the meal. I didn't think that would bother me, since I had spent the last few months trying to avoid developing any attachment to him. And yet here we were, I was attached, and if I wasn't mistaken we were in a relationship. I wasn't sure just how we had gotten here, with him being nearly three years older than me, and me being pregnant, not that he knew that part.

We parted ways somewhat awkwardly and I went to find a seat next to Hermione. She was sitting next to Fred and George now, but she didn't seem to be talking to them. She was looking around nervously, and I noticed almost immediately that Harry and Ron didn't seem to be anywhere in sight. I hurried over and took the seat across from her, leaning in across the table to get her attention.

"Hey," I said, waving my hand a bit to bring her focus over to me. "How was your summer?"

"Oh hi, why weren't you on the train?" she asked, not seeming to have heard my question about her summer.

"I had a doctor's appointment, and it ran late. By the time I got out the train had already left the station," I said, knowing she would spot a full out lie, but not wanting to tell her everything. "I took the floo into Hogsmeade and then walked up to the castle. I've been here for most of the day."

"I wonder if the boys took the floo as well…" she trailed off, looking around the table once more. "They weren't on the train, but I haven't seen them around anywhere. Where could they have gotten too?"

"That's a good question." I mused. "I don't suppose there is a floo at the train station though. Maybe they had to walk to the Leaky Cauldron to find help, and that would have set them back time wise. I'm sure they'll be here soon."

I wasn't sure I believed what I was saying, but I needed to tell her that so I could convince myself that there was nothing to worry about. Just as I really started to think about it McGonagall lead in the group of frightened looking first years. It was weird to think that I was only a year older than them. I felt like I was light years away from them, but then I didn't feel like I was twelve either. I felt old though I was living in a young body. It was probably time I started trying to act my age again, but I couldn't find the youth in me when I was sitting in a crowded room trying to hide the fact that I was pregnant.

I only paid enough attention to the sorting hats song to realize that it wasn't the same one I had heard last year during my own sorting. It did seem to have the same message though. I watch the group of first years get sorted, and I joined the Weasley's whole-heartedly in cheering Ginny when she was sorted into Gryffindor. I thought Ron would have wanted to be there to cheer for her, and felt my eyes start to tear up yet again. I quickly forced myself to think about how amazing the pumpkin juice tasted to try and cut my hormones off at the pass.

When the food appeared I reached out to grab a scoop of potatoes and found myself wishing I could put peanut butter on them rather than gravy. I glanced over at Hermione and mentally chided myself for even considering giving into another craving in front of her. I set to eating the potatoes and stifled my sigh at the lack of peanut butter.

The rest of dinner went by without much disturbance. The conversation was a light, and Ginny seemed to be a very nice girl. I bit jumper perhaps, but still very nice. Harry and Ron did not make an appearance at any point during the meal. We listened to Albus's somewhat subdued closing speech, and then we all headed off to our respective common rooms. I paused briefly in the entrance hall to hug Cedric and tell him goodnight before heading up the stairs with Hermione. She gave me a knowing look, but seemed to sense that I wasn't ready to talk about it yet and didn't say anything. As we neared the portrait hole the flow of traffic began to slow, and it sounded like there was a bit of a disturbance ahead of us.

"Have you heard the news?" the fat lady asked the students that were stopped in front of us.

"Of course they haven't, I've only just told you," he friend Violet said, and I could just make her out crammed into the back of the painting.

"What don't we know?" Neville asked.

"That Ron Weasley and Harry Potter flew a stolen car across the country to get here after they missed the train," Violet nearly sang, looking like the cat who ate the canary.

"That's not all," added the fat lady. "They were spotted by muggles. It's in the evening paper. They might be expelled."

"Bubble head," Percy said irritably. "Let's get inside people, no need to clog the corridors."

"I'm going to bed," I groaned to Hermione as we shuffled into the common room behind the others. "If the two showboats aren't expelled they will probably show up soon. If Harry even bothers to ask about me, tell him I am mad at him."

With that I turned and headed up to our old dormitory, though it now had a label on the door saying second year. I climbed up the stairs, trying to ignore the way my slightly swollen ankles ached, and hurried into the room. I quickly put on my pajamas while I was alone, realizing that now I was going to have to be very careful when changing so the other girls wouldn't discover my secret. I flopped down in my bed, and pulled the hangings closed around me. I used my wand to cast a sticking charm to keep the others out before hiding it away under my pillow. It was only then that I took off the corset. It was nice to let my skin breathe again, but I knew it was a risk.

* * *

I felt well rested when I woke the next morning, and I felt a bit of curiosity about the boys brewing even if I was still quite angry with Harry. I slid the corset out from under my pillow and quickly secured it in place before I removed the sticking charm on my hangings and looked out. It appeared that I was the last to rise today, so I had privacy while I changed into my school clothes. I threw on my robe and ducked into the bathroom to contend with my messy hair. Thankfully my face wasn't as blotch today so I didn't have to worry about wearing any makeup.

When my hair was brushed and my teeth were clean I went back into the bedroom to gather my book bag. I cast the lightening charm Albus had taught me so it wouldn't put any extra strain on me or the baby and I headed off down stairs. There were still a few people milling about in the common room and I gave them a polite nod before I slid out of the portrait hole.

I was just entering the great hall when I heard the shouting. It boggled my mind, because I was certain that voice belonged to Ron's mother, but I couldn't think of a reason for her to be in the great hall. When I was inside the hall I better understood the situation. There was a bright red letter screaming in Ron's face. I remembered what a howler was from one of the books I had gotten when I first entered the wizarding world. I could just make out the top of Ron's head sunk down as far as possible in his chair. I thought about going over to offer him a kind word, but Harry was sitting next to him, and I felt my anger at being ignore all summer flare up again. Instead I walked over to the Hufflepuff table and sat beside Cedric who was just finishing up his toast.

"Good morning," I said with a smile as I joined him at the table.

"What's she doing here?" groaned Zacharias Smith from a few seats down.

"Good morning to you too Zach," I said with a slightly strained smile, pretending that he didn't annoy me. "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed did you?"

"No, but I think you're on the wrong side of the hall this morning," he snapped. "The reckless and stupid are seated on the other side."

"Thanks or that Smith," Cedric said shortly. "Bianca is my guest, an dI would like it if you could be respectful to her."

"Don't worry about it Cedric." I said quietly. "I don't seem to be very well liked here at Hogwarts, but I don't really care. Only some opinions matter to me."

"Like mine?" he asked with a chuckle, leaning in as if to kiss me.

"Yes yours," I said, turning my head to the side at the last second so he kissed my cheek. I felt badly for it, but I wasn't quite ready to take that step.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," Zacharias groaned. "She's like ten Cedric."

"I'm twelve thank you very much," I snapped back, my anger flaring up in my chest.

"Fifteen and twelve aren't really that far apart," Cedric said in a voice that didn't sound as calm as he might have liked it to be. "And I have only just turned fifteen."

"Not only are you taking a Slytherin's sloppy seconds, but to meddle with a little slut at that?" he scoffed as he got up to leave. "What would your father say?"

"That language is inappropriate," Cedric said in a steely voice. "And for your information, my father thinks she's lovely."

"It's fine. He didn't say anything that wasn't true," I muttered as I abandoned my seat at the table, painfully aware of the pregnant belly they could not see. "I think I'll go get my time table now."

I hurried away before he could say anything else to me, only slowing long enough to snatch a piece of toast off of a plate on the end so I wouldn't go without breakfast entirely. I cut McGonagall off half way through her rounds of the Gryffindor table and collected my time table while fighting what felt like an epic battle to keep from crying. My time table said that my first lesson was potions, but that I didn't have to be there for half an hour so I left the great hall and went in search of a bit of privacy.

I tucked myself away in the girls bathroom, in the furthest stall from the door, where I munched on my toast and cried over the fact that I really did care what other people thought of me. I cared that the age difference between Cedric and I seemed to be an issue for some people. I cared that someone thought I was a slut. I cared that I hadn't been able to just let Cedric kiss me. I think I cared most of all that I had been referred to as someone's sloppy seconds, particularly Draco's. He had taken a lot of things from me, but I was only now beginning to understand that he had taken my reputation as well.

I had a good cry, and then I washed my face and waited a few minutes for the redness to clear from my eyes before heading down to the dungeons. If course we had potions with the Slytherin students again this year. I shook my head and went over to the end of the table Hermione was sitting at with the boys. I gave them a nod, but no more of a greeting before I started pulling out my supplies.

We were halfway into a lesson about an enlargement potion when a note slid across the table toward me. I picked it up, and immediately recognized Harry's handwriting. I thought about reading it, but I was still to angry over all the times he hadn't written. So instead I crumpled it and threw it into the fire beneath my cauldron. I registered his shocked intake of breath, but I went right back to finely dicing my daisy roots.

There was soon a new note sliding across the table, but I immediately tossed it into the fire and continued what I was doing. When I heard his quill begin to scratch across parchment again I turned to face him, and set his scroll on fire before turning back to my potion and ignoring his quick shuffle to put out the fire. He seemed to get the point after that, and stopped passing notes over. Still, I knew this wasn't the end of our fight.

The potions needed to be left brewing overnight, so we left them on the fires and left to head to herbology out on the grounds. I barely made it further than the entrance hall before I felt a hand close on my wrist. Panic immediately slammed through my chest, and I jerked my hand free reaching for my wand as I lurched out the open doors onto the grounds. I barely managed to contained the urge to run off to Hagrid's, and the only reason a hex didn't fall from my lips was because I saw that it was Harry that had grabbed me. I might be mad at him, but I wasn't _that_ mad. Instead I glared at him, and turned to stalk off only to have him grab my wrist once more, this time to firmly for me to pull free.

"Let go of me!" I shouted at him.

"Not until you talk to me," he said tersely.

"Oh, now you want to talk to me? Ignore me all summer long, and just expect me to forgive and forget," I yelled, wrenching my arm painfully free. "Well you know what Harry, I am all out of forgiveness. That well has run dry."

"Would you at least give me a chance to explain?" he asked quietly, the fight seeming to go out of him rapidly. "Please?"

"You can talk until we get to the green houses. I make no other promises after that," I muttered as I turned to walk to class.

"I didn't get anyone's letters this summer." He explained in a rush. "A house elf showed up in my room trying to convince me not to come back to school, and he wanted me to believe that no one from Hogwarts cared about me. I promise I would have written back to you if I had gotten your letters. Well actually I guess I wouldn't have, since the Dursleys locked Hedwig in her cage, and I would have had to use magic to get her out."

"You could have used our owl for return post," I shrugged before his words really caught up with me. "Wait, they locked her up all summer? That's animal cruelty."

"It was dreadful," he agreed. "She was so miserable, but at least now she gets to fly around again."

"Maybe I can convince Albus to get a muggle phone, and then this next summer I can just call you," I sighed turning to face him. "Look, as long as you've got my back this year, I will pretend this summer didn't happen."

"I've always got your back Bianca," Harry said, looking pensive. "Why are you worried about that though?"

"I don't know," I sighed, and it was only partially a lie. "Breakfast made it sound like I might not have a lot of friends this year. Maybe it was just a bad morning, but it just felt bad."

"Maybe," he said with a frown.

He went to say more, but he was interrupted by the arrival of Professor Sprout. She took us to greenhouse three and started her lecture on mandrakes. Hermione quickly answered several questions right out of the gate, and it occurred to me that I had spent all summer either worrying about the pregnancy, playing music, or spending time with Cedric. I hadn't bothered to look at any of my schoolbooks, and that meant as a friend of Hermione I was already behind. I turned my focus sharply back to Professor Sprout and the potted mandrakes that surrounded us.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Song for this chapter: Dirty Little Secret by The All American Rejects**_

* * *

The end of the lesson came quickly after we began repotting the nasty little buggers. They were reluctant to come out of the soil, but even more against going back int. They seemed to be more trouble than they were worth, but what did I know? I wasn't exactly sad to see the outside of the greenhouse when the lesson ended.

After the first day, the beginning of term was fairly uneventful. Other than Zacharias no one seemed to take issue with my pairing off with Cedric. I thought Ron might have an objection based on some strange looks that crossed his face when he looked at the pair of us, but he never said anything for which I was grateful.

Things were good between myself, and Ron, Hermione, and Harry. It was nice to have them to spend time with in the common room and during lessons, when last year I did not always have that luxury. It was soothing to have friends when I had been so terrified of being without them again this year. It was also a bit nerve wracking to spend so much time with Hermione when she was so observant.

I had taken to dressing in my bed with the hangings drawn each morning because she seemed to linger while dressing as if she were trying to catch a better glimpse of me. She hadn't been doing it at first, but then one night I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and I didn't take the time to put the corset on before slipping out of my bed. I had assumed that everyone would be sleeping and I wouldn't need to worry.

Imagine my surprise when I spotted Hermione sitting in her bed with the hangings open and her wand tip illuminated so she could read. I had run into the bathroom to take care of my needs, and the commandeered one of the robes that was hanging on a hook in the bathroom to hold awkwardly around myself on the trip back to bed so she couldn't see my rather large baby bump. She'd been visibly suspicious of me since then.

Harry and Ron were still completely clueless so I knew she hadn't shared any of her suspicions with them. Thankfully Cedric seemed to be equally oblivious. He had noticed that I seemed to be walking more slowly, as it was the only way I could hide my waddle, but he simply matched my pace and occasionally asked if I was getting enough sleep. The ridiculous mood swings had passed, which was helpful but I was growing more miserable each day as my body expanded further and my energy seemed to drain out of me.

"You are looking peaky today," Hermione said casually as the pair of us stood in the bathroom brushing our hair. "Maybe you ought to visit Madam Pomfrey."

"I'm just a little tired, nothing to worry about," I assured her, wondering when exactly my next appointment was supposed to be anyway.

"You seem like you've been tired a lot lately," she pointed out delicately. "It could be something simple, like needing a vitamin supplement, or it could be more serious. You shouldn't take risks with your health."

"I take vitamins every day," I said with a roll of my eyes before I realized my mistake.

"Oh what vitamins are you taking?" she asked as her eyes scanned me, and rather pointedly lingered on my stomach.

"A multi vitamin," I shrugged. "Albus got them for me from a muggle store. They're chewable."

"Hmm," she said, and I could see she was torn about if she should believe me. "Maybe you need a higher dose."

"I think I just need breakfast," I sighed as I walked out of the bathroom leaving her staring after me.

I resolved right then and there to put a little distance between Hermione and myself to avoid confirming any of her suspicions. I started taking all of my meals with Cedric and staying out of the common room for as long as I could before curfew rolled around I was spending more time in the library than I ever had and my grades were showing a marked improvement. Not that they had been bad before, but I hadn't really been trying before, now while I was in need of something to occupy my time, and keep my secret safe I was trying quite hard.

I heard through the grapevine about the dramatic entrance of Draco onto the Slytherin Quidditch team. I wasn't present for the actual event, since I was trying to keep Hermione form discovering my secret, but from what I heard it sounded like Draco's prejudices remained firmly intact. I sat angrily in the library wondering if I ever should have stood up for that boy after everything he had done. I found my hand resting on my stomach while I contemplated the idea of evil, and if it could be passed through DNA. Would this child be evil?

Halloween snuck up on me, and I was rather surprised to find the great hall decorated in jack-o-lanterns and spider webs. I sat at Gryffindor table, wondering why I was sitting by myself. Where had the others gotten too? I had heard there might be a death day party taking place down in the dungeons, and wondered if they had gone to that. If they had I was glad they hadn't invited me, spending the day around rotten food and cold specters did not sound at all appealing to me right about now. I tried to enjoy the feast with Neville and Lavender, but it just wasn't the same.

The feast was uneventful, and frankly boring. I was glad to leave when we were released. I was tired, my back was aching, and my feet were sore. I just wanted to take of the corset and slip into a hot bath. The tricky little garment kept people from knowing I was pregnant, but it did not keep my body from feeling pregnant. Even now I was dealing with the fact that the baby was moving about in my stomach, which I found rather disconcerting, and I had to pretend that everything was normal.

My plans for sneaking into the girls bathroom and commandeering it for the evening were shot to hell when I couldn't even make it up to my room. The second floor corridor was clogged with traffic, and even standing on my tiptoes I couldn't see past the crowd to find out what all the commotion was about. I leaned up against the wall to keep other people from bumping into me. They wouldn't feel the baby, but I would feel them bump me, and I was already uncomfortable enough.

Eventually the crowd parted to let Albus through, and I finally saw what all the fuss was about. Someone had painted, at least I hoped it was paint, a message on the wall outside of the girl's bathroom. It wasn't nice, and I could see what looked to be a dead Mrs. Norrris hanging from a lamp on the wall.

I probably should have stayed to find out more about what was going on, but something about the cat hanging from the lamp like that had the bile rising in my throat. I turned and hurried off down a side corridor with a short cut up to the next floor. It was a bit more exerting, but it got me into Gryffindor tower before I became sick on the floor.

After I had cleaned up, I went to bed. I went through my now familiar routine of performing a sticking charm on my hangings and removing the corset. The bigger I got the more uncomfortable it became to wear it, and I found myself looking forward to the nighttime hours when I could remove it. I just had to keep reminding myself that there were only two months left, and I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I fell asleep without much thought, but my dreams were full of dead cats and ghostly messages on the walls.

The next morning I found out what everyone knew about the chamber of secrets. In reality they didn't know much, and out teachers seemed to be completely against sharing anything with us. I was tempted to try and wriggle more out of Albus at our next family dinner, but I got the feeling that even he wouldn't want to tell me. The environment was chalk full of fear. What was lurking in our corridors? Would it only attack animals or would it move on to humans soon? Was I in jeopardy since m mother was a muggleborns? Was my baby in danger?

"Do you think there will be any more attacks?" I asked Cedric as we sat together on the edge of the lake just enjoying the sunlight while it was still present.

"I don't really know," he admitted, casually wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer to him. "I like to think that our teachers will keep us safe."

"I think they will," I agreed, sighing as a tiny bit of tension bled out of me.

"I have faith," he said softly before planting a gentle kiss on my forehead.

He had taken to doing that frequently. Kissing my cheek, or my forehead, sometimes my hand. He hadn't tried again to kiss my lips. I think he feared another rebuke. But there was something different about his face today. He looked determined, and I found I was not at all surprised when his fingers appeared under my chin, gently tilting my head up toward his. He moved slowly, with clear intention, and I understood that he was giving me plenty of time to turn away if I didn't want this.

I found for the first time since we had become a couple that I really did want this. I wasn't afraid of what might happen. His fingers on my chin tingled pleasantly, and his breath washing over my cheek as he leaned in closer caused pleasant goose bumps to erupt on my arms. His lips were incredibly soft when they finally met mine, and I did not hesitate to kiss him back. He tasted sweet, and I found I wanted to lick them but I restrained myself. Instead I gave him another peck before I pulled back and beamed at him.

"Thank you," he breathed quietly before turning to look out at the lake once more.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Song for this chapter: Forgetting by David Gray**_

* * *

Fear was growing thick in the air. Passing through the corridors had become a very trying experiences. As time moved forward, it only seemed to grow worse. Filch's vigil outside the bathroom only made it worse. He was a constant reminder of what had happened, of what could happen again.

I threw myself even further into my studies to avoid my own fears, as well as continuing to hide my secret from Hermione. When I saw less and less of Harry I began to suspect he was doing the same thing with Quidditch. Even if we weren't spending much time together at the moment, I couldn't help but think that we certainly acted alike. It was that very thought that had me wondering if there was something other than fear that Harry was hiding, but I couldn't very well ask him without tipping suspicion in my own direction.

I took to watching Harry for signs of what his secret was as we drew nearer to the first Quidditch match of the year. While I didn't get any closer to discovering what he was hiding from me, I noticed excitement starting to override fear in the hallways. Talk turned from the possibility of monsters to bludgers and quaffles.

Aggression grew as well. The rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor grew to an all-time high, and a fight seemed to always be just on the brink. I had taken to using as many secret passage ways as I could find to avoid getting caught in the middle if something were to happen.

I also spent as much time in the library as I could research alternative ways of getting the truth out of someone if the plot to use Polyjuice potions didn't work. I couldn't stomach being any further involved with the plan because it involved interacting with Malfoy. I wanted nothing to do with him, and yet somehow even with my time spent hiding in the library or with Cedric who acted as a natural buffer I found I kept seeing him near me. He had refrained from speaking to me, or even looking directly at me if I took notice of him.

* * *

Until the evening I found myself alone in the library save for Madam Pince and Malfoy. She was seated at her desk flipping through a book with an ear perked up listening for trouble making, and I was only pretending to read my book about veritaserum while my heart raced in my chest at the realization that Malfoy was openly watching me. As I grew more upset the baby became more active, and I found myself rubbing my stomach soothingly hopping it would stop.

That turned into some sort of catalyst for Malfoy, and he lurched up from the table he had been sitting at, likely only pretending to read his book as well and crossed over to my table. I dropped my hand into my lap, steeling myself as looked up to meet his gaze. I had expected familiar anger, but I was shocked to see that his face was pale and his eyes looked panicked. He sat stood behind the chair furthest from me, and I could practically see the wheels turning within his mind. He wanted to say something to me, but he was terrified of finding himself in more trouble.

"You can't be," he finally stammered, his hands convulsing on the chair in front of him. "You're only twelve, it isn't possible. You aren't… pregnant are you?"

There was one agonizing second where I thought I might have lost my mind in flood of hysteria that swept through me, but I managed to grasp some semblance of calm from deep within myself. I forced a laugh out of my chest that I was pleased to hear only sounded slightly crazed.

"You can't seriously be asking me that can you?" I scoffed, hoping it would throw him off the very real scent he had caught. "We were both first years. That isn't even possible."

"I know it's crazy," he said, running his hands agitatedly through his hair. "But you've gained weight, even if most of it seems to be in your face and hands. And your face has this shine to it. Just now you were rubbing your stomach."

"I was rubbing my stomach because it was upset. I find it disconcerting to discover my rapist staring at me in the library," I snapped, alarmed by how visible the signs were to him, Merlin save me if Hermione hadn't figured it out already. "And as you so politely pointed out I've gained weight, but that's because I've only just hit puberty and my body is changing. I think anything else is just a product of your overactive imagination."

"You swear you aren't?" he asked in a small voice, that I had never heard issue from him before.

"I swear," I lied through my teeth.

"Thank Merlin," he sighed, slumping toward the chair so deeply he was nearly kneeling. "I don't know what I would have done if you were. Marry you I suppose."

"You really are insane," I scoffed. "If I were pregnant with your child I would throw myself from the astronomy tower, I certainly wouldn't marry you."

"You're awfully brave now," he said, his face darkening. "It's as if you think you aren't alone."

"I'm not." I said with a pointed look over at Madam Pince. "And it's easy to be brave when one word from me about any further attack from you would see you expelled and sent home to your loving father."

"You wouldn't," he quailed.

"Don't tempt me," I said forcing venom I couldn't really feel into my voice. "Please get away from me."

He gave me a quick nod before he disappeared. My hand automatically went back to my stomach where my little midget seemed to putting on a circus. I seriously thought I might be ill, but it had more to do with Malfoy than it did with the movement. I was no longer able to focus on my reading so I returned the book to its shelf and decided I might as well go back to Gryffindor.

* * *

On the day of the match I considered going to the library once more, but there was still as bad taste in mouth after my encounter with Malfoy. So I decided to go out and watch Harry play. The game itself was a nail bitter, but not because it was close. The Slytherin team was outstripped by our team, but Harry was having the roughest game I had ever seen him play.

One of the bludgers had clearly been tampered with, and it was honed in on him. His flying was getting erratic as he tried to avoid being hit, and I was on the edge of my seat watching him. By the end of the game I was standing with my hand in my hair ready to scream. The bludger had already snapped his arm, and it still wasn't letting up.

He landed with the snitch, ending the game, but the bludger kept going after him. George flew out of nowhere to take a swing and safe Harry. It worked, he knocked it clear of the target, but George didn't look where he was swinging, and the bludger came flying at me faster than I could react. Cedric tried to pull me out of the way, but he was not quick enough either. I only had time to gasp before it crashed into my stomach.

For a second there was nothing, not even air, but the next second it felt as if my world had erupted. I saw red as violent pain, worse than anything I had felt this summer, tore through my abdomen. It felt as if my temperature had spiked through the roof and the possibility of vomiting was very real. I cried out as I slumped over, but I felt Cedric catch me. I tried to listen to what he was saying in my ear, but all I could hear was the sound of my heart thumping in my ears.

Everything felt crazy around me. The crowd was jostling about, it seemed that some were going down to Harry and some were rushing over toward us. It didn't really matter to me; all that matter was that Cedric was trying to pick me up. He swept me up in his arms, and took off running. I felt every step eh took like a hot poker in my spine, but I bit the inside of my cheek to try and stop the sobs from breaking free. I could tell by the pained look on his face that I hadn't been successful even if I couldn't hear myself very well.

I knew he had made it to the hospital wing when I heard Madam Pomfrey's voice. I forced my eyes open, and I saw her rushing toward us. She motioned for Cedric to put me into the nearest bed, and she bustled over to stand near me. She was already conjuring a curtain around the bed as she questioned him.

"What happened?" she asked in a somewhat strained voice.

"She got hit in the stomach by a rogue bludger," he said, when it was clear I wasn't going to be able to speak on my own. "It must have hit her pretty hard."

"Oh Merlin," she gasped. "Alright Diggory, head out on your way, I need to take care of this."

He gave me on last worried look before he stepped out of the way of the curtain she was pulling into place around the bed. I could still see his shadow on the other side though, so I knew he hadn't really listened to her. No matter what might come now, I was reassured by his presence nearby.

"Alright Bianca, I am going to need to take the corset off and see what is going on. Alright?" she said softly as she started pulling my shirt up.

"What's happening?" I managed to ground out through clenched teeth.

"I think the impact may have triggered labor," she answered without emotion. "I need to see if that is the case."

I couldn't even hear my own response over the shocked gasp I heard outside the curtain. It was clear that Cedric had heard what she'd said, and now he knew my secret. My mind became torn between worry about what he must be thinking, and worry about my little midget. I didn't have long to think about it because it was quickly determined that I was indeed in labor. As Madam Pomfrey began to prepare for delivery I remembered how frustrated I had been with the pregnancy. I was filled with guilt at my thoughts of wanting it to be over. Not it was, but it was too soon, and the baby was too small.

I felt myself panicking, but I tried to fight it off. I didn't want to make things worse, but I didn't know how to stop the irregular breathing that was taking me over. In the end I was begging Cedric to come back, and he did, though he seemed so far away. I could feel it in my bones that he was going to leave me when this was all said and done, but I was far to grateful that he was seeing me through to the end to be upset with him for being shot of me. He was a gentleman to stay when I had lied to him for months on end. He still held my hand and whispered reassuring words, but I could see the questions in his eyes.

The labor was a short one, which surprised me. During the summer the false labor had lasted for day, and I had expected something at least as long and painful as that when the real thing happened. After just two short hours Madam Pomfrey was no longer asking me to push, and my little midget had entered the world. I listened for her first cry.

I kept listening but it didn't come. After a couple minutes the terrible silence was broken by tears, but they were muffled ones coming from Madam Pomfrey. She left the curtained area for a minute, and then she came back with a motionless bundle. I felt my heart clench as my mind put together what was happening. She'd wrapped the baby in a pink blanket, but she seemed unable to look to look down into her arms with her bloodshot eyes.

I began to shake my head. I hadn't wanted to be a mother, but I had still grown attached to my little midget. That tiny baby had been growing inside of me for months now, and I had thought that I was prepared to give her away, to never see her again, but maybe I wasn't. Now that I was staring the fact that this would be the only time I would see her, the only time anyone would see her, it felt as if my soul was shattering.

"Bianca, I don't know how to say this," she whispered, unable to speak up through her barely controlled tears. "It was just too soon, and the impact caused too much damage. It sent you into the labor, but the baby… she died before she had a chance."

"Oh my God," I moaned, shaking my head in disbelief as tears began to fall freely down my face once more. "Oh God. I'm asleep, I'm asleep. This is just a dream; I'll wake up any minute."

"Bianca," Cedric groaned in a pained voice as he tried to comfort me with his embrace. "Bianca, I'm so sorry, but you aren't asleep. You can't wake up from this."

"No…" I whispered before the sobs overtook me.

"Do you want to hold her?" she asked quietly as she approached the bed. "It might help you to say goodbye."

"A little girl," I sobbed as I tried and failed to sit up on my own.

She only nodded, and Cedric moved to help me sit up. He sat himself beside me on the bed helping me to stay upright as she handled me the little pink bundle. I looked down into the blankets and my sobs only escalated. She was more beautiful than I could have imagined. She had a tuft of brilliant blonde hair and a round little face. There was a birth mark just below her ear, and one of her hands was up by her head. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that she was only sleeping. I wished, and wished for her eyes to open or for her to cry or move. Anything. But nothing happened.

I sat like that for a long time, just soaking in her image, and a dead weight seemed to settle in my chest. After an unknown amount of time I offered her back up to Madam Pomfrey and curled away from Cedric and the warmth his body offered. I couldn't even accept that small comfort feeling as wretched as I did. I lay down in the bed, and curled into a ball letting my mind slip into the fog that had been hovering at the edge of my mind since I had taken her into my arms.

My entire body seemed to go numb, and I drifted away from consciousness. I was vaguely aware of Cedric being shuffled away once more as Madam Pomfrey set to work healing the damage wrought on my body by labor, but I finally succeeded in disappearing within my mind and I was no longer aware of anything that was happening to me or around me.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Song for this chapter: Breathe Me by Sia**_

* * *

When I woke the next morning I immediately noticed that I had been crying in my sleep. The pillow was wet and soggy beneath my face, and terribly uncomfortable. I rolled the other way to escape that feeling, as well as the sunlight that was filtering through the windows, and only partially inhibited by the curtains hanging around my bed. I was shocked to discover Harry sitting at my bedside, looking for all the world like his life was ending.

"You're awake," he croaked and I could tell he had been crying at some point.

I didn't answer him. I wasn't even sure I could talk anymore, not after something like this.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly, his eyes boring into mine. "I would have been there for you. I could have helped somehow."

"How do you know I didn't tell you in a letter this summer?" I asked in a hoarse barely there whispered.

"Did you?" he asked, his face somehow managing to denote more pain.

"No," I sighed, not wanting to hurt him.

"Why not when we came back to school then?" he asked me quietly. "It must have been so hard on you to deal with this by yourself."

"It was my secret. I was afraid and ashamed. I couldn't tell," I said in a dead voice. "Kind of like the secret you've been keeping from me all year."

"You know about that?" he said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"I don't know what it is," I told him. "But I recognize the behavior. We've been doing the same thing."

"I've been hearing voices," he confessed, leaning forward to rest his arms on the bed and bring himself closer to me. "The voice says terrible things. I don't know what it means."

I should have been shocked, or upset, but I took it in stride as if he had told me the sun had risen this morning. I just blinked and kept breathing, it was all the reaction I could handle.

"How did you find out?" I asked pained by the very idea of Cedric telling people my secrets.

"Professor Dumbledore explained what had happened to me," he said. "He thought you would need family right now, and he's tied up dealing with the bludger situation from yesterday as well as the fact that there was another attack. Colin Creevey this time."

Again, I should have felt something about that, but I just couldn't. I was too full of everything else, there wasn't room for more.

"I'm supposed to by lying in my own bed patiently re-growing my arm bones," he sighed. "But I think you need me more. I'd like to lay with you if that's okay."

Harry and I had hugged, and sat shoulder to shoulder on the couch before. We were comfortable with simple physical contact, but we had never done anything like this. Neither one of us had ever tried to physically comfort the other, and I wasn't sure how I would normally feel about it. Right now though I felt so empty and lost that the life line he was offering me seemed like water in a dessert. I scooted back so he could clamor into the bed, and I did not object when he slid his arm under my head and pulled me toward him.

I rolled into him, resting my head on his chest. It warmed something deep within me that was cold and injured, but it also loosed the tears that had been staunchly held behind a dam up until then. I cried miserably into his chest, and he used his mostly healed arm to rub soothing circles into my back until I started to drift off once more.

* * *

When I woke up again Harry was gone, and it was dark out. This time it was Albus sitting in the chair beside my bed. He had no soothing words for me because he had fallen asleep in the chair, with his head tucked forward so his chin was resting on his chest. He was going to have a terrible crick in his neck, but he looked so tired that I couldn't bring myself to wake him.

The curtain opened quietly, and Madam Pomfrey revealed herself. She was likely coming simply to check on me, but when she saw that I was awake she bustled quietly over to the bed. I sat still while she cast diagnostic charms on me, and then began producing potions from within the pocket of her apron based on the results. I took them without argument, replacing the empty bottles in her hand when I finished.

"Do you need the facilities," she whispered.

I nodded.

She offered me an arm and helped me to climb awkwardly out of the bed. I was still sore, and I felt awkward on my feet but within a few seconds I had gathered my bearings once more and she did not need to support me. She directed me to the bathroom off to the side of the ward where I took care of urgent bladder matters before deciding that a shower was in order. My skin was still tight with the dried sweat of labor and I wanted all traces of it off of me. I felt worse than I had when showering after the incident. Somehow the death of the child had been so much worse.

* * *

When I shuffled back to bed Albus was awake. I froze momentarily seeing his eyes, but he simply patted the bed, encouraging me to lie back down. I did as was expected, and he tucked me in with sad eyes.

"I'm so sorry Bianca," he said gruffly, his voice sounding nothing like the smooth kind voice it usually was.

I fought not to cry again, but my eyes burned with the effort as I nodded.

"I spoke to the Bones family," he told me softly. "They understand what happened, and they send their condolences."

"Are they mad at me?" I asked in a choked voice.

"No," he swore vehemently. "You hold no blame in this situation. They understand what happened, and they are not upset with you for an accident."

"An accident," I choked, losing control of the tears.

I cried again, and it felt just as awful as the last time. Albus ran his fingers soothingly through my hair and quietly sang my song to me. It was always the same song, and though I seemed to hurt everywhere, even deep within my soul, it helped a little. It soothed me until I had cried myself out. And just like the last time I had cried so many tears, I fell back to sleep. If only to escape what my reality had become.

* * *

There was no one sitting beside me when I awoke the next morning. Instead the chair had a folded piece of parchment sitting in it waiting for me. I rolled toward it and stretched my tired arm out to collect it. When I unfolded it, I immediately recognized the handwriting. My hand began to shake, wondering if he was going to dump me in a note.

_Bianca,_

_I came to see you this morning, and I would have stayed but Madam Pomfrey said that you needed your rest. Apparently visiting hours hadn't started yet. Please come see me when she lets you go, so we can talk. I'll come by later this afternoon if she still hasn't released you by then._

_Cedric_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Song for this chapter: Cry by Lea Michele (Glee)**_

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I read and re read the note, but I couldn't figure out what to make of it. On the one hand it seemed caring because it implied that he had wanted to be with me. But on the other hand it seemed distant and ominous in the way he spoke of wanting to talk. When I had overanalyzed it enough to feel ill, I put it aside on the nightstand and decided to ignore it. I was feeling horrible enough without adding to my plate.

I lay back against the pillows again, allowing my mind to return to the tiny child I had wrapped up in my arms. I wondered what color her eyes would have been, and if I would have seen some sort of recognition in them when she saw me. I wondered if things would have ended the same way if I had just gone to the library like I had been thinking about doing before the Quidditch match. I wondered why the bludger had gone rogue, and who would have bewitched it. I wondered about a lot of things as I lay there, but I had no answers.

The early morning dimness slowly gave way to bright sunshine and it was drastically at odds with my mood. I wished there were curtains on the tall windows, or perhaps that the curtain around my bed were thicker. When the glaring fact that it was well into the morning could no longer be ignored Madam Pomfrey reappeared beside my bed.

"You're awake," she said with a soft smile of encouragement as she bustled up beside my bed and lay her hand on my forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly as she began casting her diagnostic charms on me once more. "Nothing seems to be hurting I guess."

"I just need to check things out to make sure everything has completely healed," she said with a slightly nervous edge to her voice.

That told me more than she could have. She knew how uncomfortable I was with close contact, and her nerves told me that was exactly what was about to happen. I nodded my somewhat reluctant consent and laid back to let her begin. She made quick work of it, saying a few more spells quietly as she poked and prodded me. I had a short lived thought about being lucky that I wasn't in the muggle world having to deal with a much longer recovery period.

She gave me the option to stay in the hospital wing for as long as I needed too, but I couldn't stay here any longer and I think she knew that. I needed to find some form of normalcy in my life once more, and frankly I didn't want to miss any more class if I could avoid it. We both pretended not to know that the real reason I couldn't stay was because my child had died in this very bed.

I slowly pulled on the outfit I had worn to the Quidditch match. It brought a burning sensation to my eyes, but I even put the corset on again. I was still carrying the baby weight, and I didn't want to immediately give myself away if word hadn't already gotten out about why I had really been in the hospital wing. I spared Madam Pomfrey a halfhearted parting wave as I trudged out of the ward.

I hurried back to Gryffindor tower, and it appeared that everyone was already down at breakfast so I didn't meet a soul along the way. I moved swiftly through the common room, feeling terribly out of place, before reaching the sanctuary of my dormitory. I grabbed a fresh set of clothes from my trunk and walked into the adjoined bathroom.

I felt the compulsion to look perfect today. I did not know if I would be facing the firing squad or warm wished for good health, and I needed to prepare for both. I was painfully aware of how large my body was when I was faced with the act of washing it, but I tried to just not look. I spent more time than was strictly necessary putting myself together, but with the corset back in place and my clothing meticulously worn I looked almost as if I were just another second year student. I tried to put on a brave face and pretend that I didn't care about what had happened and what I might be facing in just a few short minutes, but I wasn't sure that I was successful.

When everything was in order I went back to the dormitory to collect my school bag. I was surprised to find Hermione straggling behind collecting her own things and I wondered how I hadn't seen her when I first came in. I could have sworn I had been alone. Was it possible she had come back? Maybe she had been looking for me. She looked at me and her mouth opened like she was going to say something to me, but I just shook my head. Just looking at her kind face hurt me, I was already on the verge of tears again and I knew I could not hold onto me composure if she spoke to me.

I flew down the stairs, through the common room, and back out of the portrait hole as if the hounds of hell were on my heels. I slowed my pace when I found myself alone in the corridor once more, but only enough to appear at ease. I didn't think I would ever find it in me to walk leisurely through the halls once more. With a mingled sense of resolve and fear I set off to find Cedric.

I decided to check the great hall first, but I didn't end up having to go that far. I ran into him on the marble staircase, and he greeted me with a weak smile and a motion for me to follow him out on to the grounds. I appreciated his discretion. I wanted to keep this conversation private, and I was glad that he felt the same way. We walked for a while quietly, putting distance between us and anyone who might have wanted to listen in. When we were halfway between the castle and the lake he stopped and turned to talk to me.

"So… I'm not sure how to even start this conversation," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't even know how to talk to you. I don't know if I even really know you."

"Of course you know me," I choked my heart starting to thrum painfully in my chest as I caught the scent of where this conversation was going. "We spent the entire summer together."

"And you spent most of it lying to me," he said, his voice staying quiet, but hardening in a way he had never spoken to me before.

"I didn't actually lie to you," I whispered, hating that my eyes were betraying me with their tears. "We never really talked about the r-rape, or any byproduct of it."

"Well being pregnant is a fact that you should share with someone when they are courting you," he snapped, his eyes flashing and I knew this was as close as Cedric would ever get to yelling at me, and yet it still made me shake and step back from him. "And I am willing to bet all the money I have in savings that the trip to the hospital before the start of term had to do with the pregnancy. So you did lie to me, didn't you?"

"Y-yes," I stammered. "I was ashamed. I couldn't tell you that I was pregnant. And I was so afraid of what was happening, I don't think I could have even articulated it at the time."

"Yet you articulated the lie about your appendix with ease. A practiced ease perhaps," he sighed seeming to be lost somewhere between tired and terribly sad. "I don't know if I can have a relationship with someone who can't be honest with me Bianca. If you can hide a baby from me, what else would you hide from me? How can I trust you?"

"Cedric—"

"No, don't say anything. Just don't talk to me right now," he cut me off. "Give me some time to think, and I might be able to reconsider, but for now, please, just stay away from me."

"Cedric, please," I cried, the air seeming to have disappeared from my lungs entirely.

He didn't look at me, he just walked away. His hands were tucked into his pockets and his head ducked down so all I could really see was the nape of his neck. That horrible dead weight was spreading through my chest once more and I found I couldn't breath properly. He'd done it, he'd really done it. He'd dumped me.

He had just broken up with me hadn't he? Or had we ever really been dating. I felt lost in a sea of turbulent confusion as I watched the distance between us grow bigger. Tears began to stream unchecked down my face as I struggled to pull air into my lungs. I didn't realize until just this moment how much I had been counting on him to hold me together until I found myself falling apart and there wasn't anyone there to pull the pieces back together.

My feet took off running on their own accord. I didn't know if I was trying to catch him or if I was running away from the nightmare my life had become. All I knew was that my feet carried me from where I had been crying out on the grounds to the girl's bathroom on the second floor. I could hardly see where I was through the tears, but at least there was no one here to see me really lose it.

Or perhaps there was. I thought perhaps I heard someone talking as I tried to get control of my tears. I looked up toward the mirror with thoughts of wiping my face, but that was when I saw something. It was blurred and indistinct through my tears, and yet I knew that I was staring directly into two large yellow eyes. I felt a rush of shock, and then I felt nothing at all as the world went black around me.

* * *

_November_

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_December_

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_January_

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_February_

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_March_

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_April_

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_May_

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I slowly opened my eyes, and the word around me came back into focus. I was terribly confused to find myself staring up at the ceiling. Hadn't I just been standing up? And wasn't I in the girl's bathroom? This ceiling looked striking like the one of the hospital wing. I sat up slowly, fighting a strange lethargy in my limbs, and I looked around. I was indeed in the hospital wing. How had I gotten here? I saw that Hermione was sitting up in the bed across from me looking slightly bewildered as well. Madam Pomfrey was leaning over someone in the bed next to her administering a potion to their disturbingly still body.

"What's going on?" I asked, surprised at how gravelly and weak my voice sounded.

It didn't sound like I had been crying recently. It sounded like I hadn't spoken in a very long time. What had happened? I was so lost.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Song for this chapter: We Are Broken by Paramore**_

* * *

I looked down at myself and saw that I was still in the clothes I had been wearing when I went into the bathroom. That seemed odd, since Madam Pomfrey always seemed to change her patients even if they weren't' conscious when they came into the ward. My body looked funny as well. It seemed much thinner than it had when I had looked at it just minutes ago in my dormitory. My clothes were hanging loosely, and it felt like the corset was loose around my waist. How had I lost weight so quickly?

"Hermione," I called, forcing my voice to be loud enough for her to hear despite the ache it caused in my throat. "What's going on?"

"Madam Pomfrey is un-petrifying everyone," she called back, moving slowly to get out of her bed and walk on wobbly legs over to me. "A lot has gone on this year that I will have to explain to you."

"What do you mean this yea?" I questioned, watching he slow progression across the room. "It's only the middle of November. How much could I have missed in one day?"

"Bianca, it's June," she said as she sat down on the foot of my bed. "I asked Madam Pomfrey as soon as I woke up."

"Very funny Hermione," I said with a slightly hysterical laugh. "How did I end up in here again anyway?"

"Bianca, it really is June," she said with a knowing shake of the head. "Remember how Mrs. Norris was found petrified on Halloween?"

"Yeah," I answered somewhat petulantly.

"Well the Chamber of Secrets was really opened." She explained quickly. "Just days after Colin had been petrified you were as well. I found you in the bathroom on the second floor when I was scouting out locations to start brewing Polyjuice. There were more attacks after that. I had just figured out that it was a basilisk attacking everyone when I got petrified myself. I remembered that you had been facing the mirror when it happened to you, so I was using a mirror to look around corners to avoid seeing its eyes. It was the only thing that saved Penelope and me."

"You mean I missed the entire school year?" I asked as I realized she was telling the truth. "When did you get petrified?"

"Late winter," she sighed. "I wonder if we'll have to redo the second year. That would be horrible."

Our conversation was cut short by Madam Pomfrey coming over to make us both go through a few of the calisthenics she was forcing everyone else through. She wanted to make sure everything was still in working order. She informed us that there was a feast taking place, and she wanted us to go down and partake in the first meal any of us would have eaten in months, but we had to prove we weren't going to collapse on the stairs first. I realized then why I seemed so much smaller than the last time I looked at my body. In essences I had been fasting for seven months or so.

I wondered both how I was still alive, and how I could have managed to retain any of the baby weight considering the situation. Madam Pomfrey suggested that we might like to change our clothes before attending the feast. We agreed, and we were about to head up to Gryffindor tower when we realized that neither of us actually knew the password anymore. When presented with our dilemma the nurse offered us each a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that she conjured with her wand and suggested we find a prefect as soon as possible.

We made quick work of changing, and set off toward the great hall. It was a short jaunt, and we heard the noise from within the great hall long before we descended the marble staircase. The doors were already thrown open, and when we entered there was an immediate dim in the talk before an explosion of excited chatter broke out. Harry and Ron stood from Gryffindor, and I was starting to close the gap between us when Cedric crashed into my side and pulled me into a tight hug lifting me off the ground entirely.

"Oh thank Merlin," he groaned in my ear. "When I said I needed some time, I didn't think you would take it quite so literally."

"Huh?" I said, realizing how stupid I sounded as I remembered that he had broken up with me just before that fateful trip to the bathroom. "I thought you dumped me."

"I guess, in a way I did," he said quietly, letting me go so he could look into my eyes. "But then I thought I lost you and I realized I didn't want time apart. I don't care that you lied about the baby. I still want to be with you."

"The baby," I whispered, feeling the weight rear up in my chest again. "I forgot about that. I don't want to remember that. Can we pretend it didn't happen?"

"If that's what you want," he agreed quickly, easily. "Can you forgive me for the things I said that day?"

"You're forgiven," I said just as easily. "I don't want to be broken up either. Does everyone know what happened at the Quidditch match? I never got the chance to find out."

"No, most people think you just got hurt, and then the other things happened," he whispered into my ear as he hugged me again. "Bu I think Hermione might know. I ran into her in the corridor the day you were attacked, and she was asking some questions that indicated she knew what was going on."

"I think you're right. She wouldn't tell though," I nodded. "So the Chamber is closed?"

"Rumor has it that Harry is responsible, but you'll have to ask him for the full story." He said as he released me once more. "I should let you go see them. It's been months for them too."

I nodded, and he ducked into chastely kiss me very quickly, and then he was gone. I met Harry's eyes from where he and Ron were crushing Hermione in a group hug and he beamed at me. He backed out of the hug and came over to me wrapping me up in the most loving hug I had ever experienced. His hand tangled in my hair pressing my head into the crook of his shoulder as he hummed gently without a tune.

"Don't ever leave me like that again," he begged me quietly.

"Never," I assured him, squeezing him back with everything I had.

"You must be famished, let's get something to eat," he said linking his arm through mine and leading me back to the table.

We sat down, and Ron launched into a retelling of everything I had missed. I was listening while I focused on the task of scooping a small bit of salad onto my plate. I was torn out of my reverie over the heaviness of most of the dishes being served when I heard Ron say something that couldn't possibly be true.

"Wait, you aren't seriously telling me you found a book that could think for itself and you started having conversations with it?" I scoffed. "You didn't even think it might be cursed?"

"Everyone's allowed a stupid choice everyone in a while," Harry shrugged not upset with me in the least. "Besides it got us closer to figuring out what was really going on."

Ron launched back into his story, and I picked at my salad. It tasted horrible, and I couldn't help but think it was going to plaster itself onto my stomach and thighs like everything I had eaten during the pregnancy had done. I was saved having to pretend I was interested in my food when Hagrid arrived. Ron had just briefed me on Hagrid's departure so I was jubilant to see him back. He looked shaky and in need of a bit of TLC so I hurried over to give him a hug.

"Welcome home," I told him as I stepped back from his embrace and allowed him to be greeted by the others.

"It's good ter see yeh awake," he nodded his head at me, and then he spoke to the others but I didn't listen.

Instead I leaned against Harry and just enjoyed the pleasant warmness he emanated. I was painfully aware of the fact that it being June meant we would soon be separated again for three months and I wanted to soak up every moment with him that I could. Even if it was just standing there while he chattered excitedly with Hagrid.


	24. Chapter 24

_**Song for this chapter: Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine**_

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Before the feast had been dismissed it was announced that the end of the year exams would be cancelled, and I actually ended up in agreement with Hermione that it wasn't a good thing. I had missed most of the year, so it was unlikely I would have passed the tests, but it would have been a good measure of what I would need to catch up on over the summer. And there was a part of me that would have felt it only fair for them to hold me back if I couldn't pass the tests. I had missed so many lessons.

It was the realization of just how much I had missed, and how badly that could hold me back for the rest of my education that led me to a conversation with Albus about summer programs. I had been thinking perhaps a tutor, or even staying in the castle for a few weeks and taking a crash course to catch up, but he mentioned a study abroad program that intrigued me. In America a school called the Salem Witches Institute they held a six week intensive training program. It wasn't actually a program meant for witches as young as me, but Albus thought he could write a convincing enough letter to get me in even though I wasn't even close to turning fifteen.

Many letters had to be written. A letter to the headmistress of the summer program, a letter to the board that approved and denied applicants, and a letter to each ministry of magic in order to obtain approval for me to use magic over the summer without violating any age restriction laws. I was granted a special reprieve pending my acceptance into the program, but I would still be expected to use muggle methods for traveling.

I was intrigued by how international wizarding travel worked. I would fly in via an airport, and there would be a special booth after muggle customs where I would register with the American ministry of magic. Albus told me that wizards didn't always go through this booth because traveling wasn't nearly as restricted in the wizarding world as it appeared to be in the muggle world, but that it was required for underage wizards so the American ministry was aware of possible security risks. It took effort not to be offended by the insinuation that I was some sort of criminal.

Just a few days into summer break I received post informing me that I had been accepted into the program. The letter had come with a course listing, though I noticed there was no form for me to register. I assumed I must be required to choose y courses upon arrival and set the mail aside to start writing the heap of letter I would need to complete before leaving the country. I penned letters to Hermione, Ron, and Harry letting them know I would be spending the next six weeks in America.

When my letters were finished I gathered them up and trotted off down the stairs. Albus would be able to send them with Fawkes so that all three were delivered quickly. When I skipped into the kitchen I found Albus sitting in the nook eating eggs that I couldn't help but think smelled awful. I struggled to keep my face neutral as I handed over the letters.

"Good morning Bianca," he said as he pulled his fingers over the print on the top most letter. "Care to join me for a bit of toast and eggs?"

"No thanks," I said quickly, already heading out of the kitchen. "I'm not very hungry. I should be back in time for lunch though."

I hurried out the door before he could say anything else. He had mentioned that he thought perhaps I had lost a little too much weight while I was petrified. I had shrugged him off at the time, but I openly cringed at the thought now. I was still carrying a good fifteen pounds of post pregnancy weight that would have to go, but I'd rather lose a round twenty to really get into shape. In the week that we'd been home I had channeled a lot of energy into working out, but I had yet to see any effect. It was that realization that made me decide to start skipping breakfast as well to cut a few calories out of my daily total.

I jogged the few suburban blocks between our house and Cedric's. I would have run full out for the caloric benefit, but I didn't want to be sweaty and gross when I got there. I promised myself I'd go for a real run when I left as I pushed through the garden gate. I straightened my hair and clothes, and then I climbed the steps onto the porch. The door flew open before I could knock and I found myself face to face with a beaming Cedric.

"Hey," I breathed airily, unsure if it was the run or the boy that stole my breath. "Wanna go for a walk?"

"Sure," Cedric said with a smile. "You seem chipper this morning."

"I woke up on the pleasant side of the bed," I giggled, lacing my fingers through his as we walked back out of the yard. "I don't have the most cheery news for you though."

"What is it?" he asked, his hand tightening on mine before he relaxed.

"I'm going to be gone for six weeks this summer," I said in a rush, wanting to get it all out before either of us could get to upset. "I am pretty behind because of everything that happened this past school year, so I am going to an intensive study program over in Massachusetts. That's a state in the United States by the way, I totally hadn't heard about it before."

"I've heard of it, but only because we covered the Salem witch trials for a week or two in history of magic in my third year." He said with a chuckle. "six weeks in another country… that's a long time."

"I know," I sighed. "I will write every day, of course some of them will likely get here after I am already home at the end of the summer."

"I feel like I just got you back," he groaned, pulling my hand around so he could tuck me up against his chest and hug me close to him. "But I can get by on letter if that's what it takes for you not to have to redo this past year of school."

"I don't want to do anything like last year again, that is for sure." I laughed tightly. "You were by far the only highlight."

"Aw, I'm touched," he chuckled before tilting my head up to steal a quick kiss.

* * *

My last two days in England passed much the same. I spent an hour in the morning working out, then I would go spend a few hours with Cedric. I would return home to have dinner with Albus, and then I would either go for a run or do yard work in the garden that Albus had long forgotten. I would devote a bit of time packing a few more things, trying to avoid packing all at once, and then I would shower and go to bed.

Before I knew it, it was time to leave. Albus took a cab with me out to the airport, and provided me with a plane ticket as well as a folded blank white piece of paper that he assured me was a passport. I knew there must have been some sort of spell cast upon it so that a muggle would think it was some sort of document, but it did not make me anymore comfortable with the idea of handing over a blank piece of paper when asked for my passport.

We walked together until the security check point, but that was as far as Albus was allowed to go. He pulled me into a hug and I squeezed him tightly, finally realizing that I was going to be all on my lonesome this summer. I promised to write often and turned to look at the guard waiting to check my ticket. I was surprised by how upset I was at the idea of being away from Albus for so long, but I didn't say anything out loud about how attached I had grown to him. He placed a soft kiss on the top of my head, and then gave me a gentle push toward the gate.

"Ticket and passport please," the guard said stiffly.

I handed him my ticket voucher as well as the blank piece of paper, and he didn't seem to take an issue with either of them. I saw him read the ticket before glancing at the paper and then glancing at my face as if he were checking a picture or something, and then he handed everything back to me.

"Gate B7 is down the left corridor," he explained as I put my things back in the pocket of my jacket. "Just follow the blue signs and it won't be hard to find."

Then he stepped out of the way and allowed me to proceed on to the next station. I offered up a small wave to Albus before I began loading my suitcase as well as my guitar case onto the black conveyor belt, while mulling over what a stranger word conveyor was.

A second security guard directed me to step through a metal archway that I knew from my last time flying was going to scan me for metals. I walked through it and it immediately began to beep drawing many eyes in my direction. I was sent back and asked to remove my shoes and belt, and then I was directed to walk through it once more. It did not beep on the second time and I was allowed to proceed forward. I was much more lucky than the woman who set it off multiple times and was taken into a room of the side.

I collected my bags, and replaced my shoes and belt before I set off in the direction the first security guard had said my gate was at. I found most of the blue signs hanging above me to be utterly confusing, but there was no mistaking the plain signs that indicated which gate was which. I walked alongside other focused travelers traversing the concourse until I found my gate, and took a seat in a blue plastic seat to wait for them to call for boarding.

Time was moving rather slowly, and I would have liked to have pulled out one of my books and studied while the other travelers trickled in. I was too worried about the titles drawing too much attention to me however, and chose instead to sit on my hands and watch the muggles around me interact with one another.

I spent an hour people watching before they finally called to board the plane. I was surprised to discover that I had a first class ticket this time around, and that I was in the first group of people to board the plane. My seat was much larger than my last one had been, and far more comfortable. My seatmate appeared to be an elderly lady, and she fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down.

Once the plane was in the air I requested a warm blanket, and it served the purpose of keeping me warm as well as conveniently hiding the cover of my book. I whiled away the long transatlantic flight getting caught up on the latest theory on transforming beetles into buttons and turtles into teapots. The air grew darker, and it seemed almost as if we were flying through time. It was entirely dark by the time the plane landed in New York City.

I would have liked to have gone out to look at the city a bit as it was the first American city I had ever been in, but I had to hurry to go through customs before boarding my next flight. I first went through the muggle customs agent who put a stamp on my fake passport, which I was surprised to see, disappeared almost immediately after being put in place. Then I went in search of the wizarding customs.

I found the red telephone booth just off to the side of a bathroom and I knew it was the right one since all the other ones were blue and had much more glass in them. When I stepped inside and closed the door a panel in the back slid open revealing a small fireplace just big enough to house a head. In it sat the face of a friendly but official looking witch.

"Name, country of origin, and intended business," she requested politely.

"Bianca Potter, England, summer school," I rattled off quickly.

A small shoot opened and a small envelope shot out for me to grab. It was labeled visitors visa and stated that it was valid through the end of summer.

"Enjoy your stay," she said with a smile, and then the panel closed giving the appearance that I was standing in a normal phone booth once more. I slipped out of the booth and went off in search of my new gate. I arrived after boarding had already started and hurried right up to the counter. I handed over yet another ticket and went on into the plane behind a group of people.

It was a much smaller plane this time, and my new seat buddy was a man who looked to be in his mid-twenties. He was already seated when I arrived, and talking on a small phone. He seemed to be very upset with whoever was on the other side, and I was more than relieved when the pilot called for all cell phones to be turned off causing the man to end his conversation. He quickly switched his phone out for a black plastic thing with keys and a screen that I assumed must be some sort of computer, though I had never seen one so small or so portable.

It seemed like I blinked and we were landing at our new location. I disembarked the plan behind my irritable seatmate and wandered off to the baggage area to claim my suitcase and guitar. They had not travelled together apparently and I had to search a long time to find my guitar, but when I had it I started looking around for the woman who would be picking me up. I thought she might be easy to find based on how often wizards in London seemed to dress inappropriately while around muggles, but it appeared American magic folk did not have nearly as much trouble. No one in the crowd stood out because of odd clothing.

After a few minutes I spotted an older woman dressed in a white sundress holding a sign with my name on it. I walked over to her, and her face lit up with a smile that I couldn't help but reciprocate. She made me think of both McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey at the same time, though I wasn't quite sure why. She had graying black hair and deep brown eyes. Her skin was slightly wrinkled, but it looked mostly like laugh lines on her face.

"Hello, are you Bianca dear?" she asked in a smooth clear voice.

"Yeah, hi," I said with another smile. "What's your name?"

"Professor Curtis," she said kindly. "I will be escorting you to the school this evening, at which point I will hand you over to your dorm advisor for the hall you will be staying in for the next six weeks."

We exchanged friendly dialogue as she casually led me through the terminal and into yet another phone booth. I was about to ask if I had to get yet another visa when the entire back panel slid out of the way and revealed a much larger fire place. She reached into a pocket on her dress and produced some floo power which she handed to me. She told me to say the name of the school clearly and that she would be right behind me.

I did as she said and soon felt the familiar pulling and spinning. After a short bit the spinning came to a stop and I found myself in the cleanest gate I had ever seen. I stepped out of the fireplace to get out of the way for Professor Curtis before standing up fully. I went to brush soot from my clothes and discovered that someone how my clothes were still pristine.

I looked around me and saw that the hall around fireplace was also spotless. I wondered if there was some sort of spell placed on the area as I looked around what was clearly an entrance hall. It didn't look anything like the Hogwarts entrance hall though. It didn't even look like a castle. I felt as if I were standing in a hotel with plain white stucco walls and shiny black marble floors. My observations ground to a halt when Professor Curtis emerged from the hearth and gestured to the room around us.

"Welcome to the Salem Witches Institute," she said with a smile. "I'm sure it looks a bit different from the castles European students are used to seeing. Here in Salem we have built our school to resemble the muggle buildings that surround it. We have many students who live in the muggle and wizarding worlds in tandem, and we find that the décor makes them more comfortable."

"Oh," I said, grimacing at how dumb that sounded. "Are the dormitories like this too?"

"They are similar, but they have a homier feel than the actual school buildings."

She led me straight to the dormitory, which was connected by an underground tunnel which I assumed was rather convenient during the winter months. She didn't bother with a tour, so I hoped the dorm advisor would end up giving one as I got the impression the school was rather large. She told me there would be twelve other girls bunking in the same dormitory as me as we climbed several flights of stairs before entering a door that was simply marked girls.

The difference was immediately noticeable. The space beyond the door looked like a house that had far too many bedrooms. There was a kitchen on the left and a common room directly in front of the entrance. On the right there was a door with lavatory engraved on it, and across the back wall there were six doors that I assumed lead to bedrooms. She led me over to a couch, told me the dorm advisor would be along shortly, and then she left for a meeting with the faculty. She wished me well and then went back out through the door we had come through leaving me sitting with my bags and feeling very out of place.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Song for this chapter: A Decade Under The Influence by Taking Back Sunday**_

* * *

I probably waited a good thirty minutes for the dorm advisor to arrive, and I found myself wondering if it would be out of place for me to just take my guitar out and play it while I waited. It had been worth it to pay for the extra baggage, but now that it hadn't it hear I wasn't sure if it would bother other people for me to play it. When she finally did arrive I saw that she was one of the prettiest women I had ever met. She looked to be about twenty-five but I opted not to ask. She had jet black hair that fell to her waist, and warm tan skin. I thought she might be an Indian, but again opted not to ask. Her eyes were a deep brown and she had clear skin. It did appear that American girls dressed a bit racier than British girls, but I simply averted my eyes from her low cut top and stood to introduce myself.

"Hello, I'm Bianca Potter," I said as I offered my hand for a handshake.

"They said we were getting a Potter this summer," she said in a soft almost ethereal voice. "I'm Sara Locklear. I'll be your dorm adviser during your stay. I would advise you to refrain from giving out your last name while here. You're obviously a bit of a celebrity and it could make your stay a bit… shall we say, busy, if the other girls where to know who was among them."

"Oh… ok," I said. "I didn't really think people outside of Brittan knew who I was."

"Oh sweetie, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was known over in the states as well," she chuckled. "So of course your family story is quite famous over here. Yours is more in vogue at the moment since the world only recently found out that you didn't die after all."

"Oh… I guess that makes sense," I said dumbly.

"I would just say your first name, and if someone actually asks for your last name just make one up," she suggested easily. "But I should show you where you will be sleeping. You're one of the only girls who won't have to have a roommate this summer."

She led me into one of the small rooms at the back, and I saw that it was set up to accommodate two people, but only one of the beds had any linens on it. There was also a desk and a small book shelf as well as a closet that I discovered had a chest of drawers inside when I opened it. I leant my bags against the linen-less bed and put my jacket on the back of the desk chair as Sara left the room.

I unzipped my suitcase and started pulling out my clothes and putting them away in the drawers. When everything was in its rightful place I took out my books as well as the few trinkets I had brought with me and set them up on the bookshelf. I put my parchment, quills, and inkwells on the desk and walked back out into the common area.

There still weren't any other girls around, so I went over to one of the shelves in the common room and started looking at what was on them. There were a few books but they looked like they were for entertainment, and then there was exploding snap cards, a gobstones set, and several chess games. I was wondering to myself if these were games were still here during the year when adults attended the school. I was lost in thought, imagining what the school was like then, when the door popped open and several girls came inside. They all looked to be in their late teens, and didn't pay me much attention. I turned to say hello and one of the older looking girls gave me a quelling look and muttered something to her friend about how she couldn't believe they were letting such young students attend this summer. It made me decide I might not want to introduce myself after all.

I chose instead to go back to my room, and listen to the wizarding wireless radio I had brought along with me, and started working on a letter to Cedric. I wrote about the flight, and the interesting customs for entering a new country, as all of the people had I had met so far. I told him how it weird it was to think people in America had heard of me, and just how weird it still felt to be a person that people heard about in the first place. I thought about writing about how the other girls didn't seem very nice, but thought better of it, and said instead that I hadn't gotten to know people very well yet, but hoped I would make friends soon. When I had signed the letter it occurred to me I would have to figure out how post worked here, but simply set the letter aside and began penning a similar one for Albus.

I climbed into bed, and fell asleep quickly. My dreams were plagued with a cheesecake that kept chasing me and trying to smother me. When I woke up I only felt slightly more rested. I hurried through my morning routine, opting for a pair of khaki capris and a light sweatshirt so I would be covered for warm or cool weather. I threw my hair into a pony tail and stepped out into the common area.

It looked like everyone was gather in the common area, so I joined the group and listened in to the conversations to see if anyone else knew what was going on. I gathered that today would start with an orientation event, and we would get our class schedules before brunch, and start into our lessons afterward.

Sara bound into the room and told us all to follow her to the auditorium. We went back to the same entrance hall I had flooed into yesterday, and went through a set of large wooden doors. The room beyond looked like a huge theatre with comfortable seas. We followed Sara and sat in a group next to a group of girls that must be from another dorm.

After everyone was seated April came on stage, and talked about what a privilege it was for everyone to be there. I twisted guiltily in my seat when I realized that these other students had applied and had to compete against students from all over the globe to get into this program when I had gotten in from a letter written by my adoptive father. I supposed that meant he had more clout than I knew, and focused back in on what April Curtis was saying. The courses would be rigorous and we would be challenged to our full extent. The six week course would teach us as much as a full year of school could, but we would have to do the required work to get the proper benefit.

We would be broken into teams of specific study groups. Apparently each student had applied with a specific group in mind, but I was at a complete loss myself. There would be a team for transfiguration, potions, charms, arithmancy, runes, astronomy, herbology, and one team would be working on all subjects. She informed us that our teams would be listed at the top of our schedules and that would be the group of students we would be working with all summer.

Sara then took our group on a tour of the school, which was quite confusing, and I was glad when she gave us each a map of the campus. The school, while modern in appearance, seemed to have more trick hallways and staircases than Hogwarts. It was as if the building had a mind of its own, but the map was like a cheat sheet to get through all the magical madness. After we had our maps she led us to the dining hall, which was near the theatre, she gave us our class schedules, and told us to enjoy our meal. I tucked my schedule under my arm as I went through the food line, grabbing a fruit bowl and finding a mall table in a corner.

Once I was seated I pulled out my schedule to look at and saw that I had been placed on the last team that had the somewhat boring title of general magic. This was the perfect team for me, as I had missed all of my classes while I was petrified, but it did make me feel as if I did not have a subject in which I excelled. For the first time I began to wonder what my wizardry calling was. I saw that I would have two hours of transfiguration this afternoon, and then the next day I would have three more lessons of the same length.

I ate a few pieces of the fruit from my bowl, but then I decided to toss the rest. I hurried back to my dorm so I could grab my bag, and when I saw that I had half an hour left before I needed to head to class I decided to get a few crunches and sit-ups in. After I had done 200 of each I freshened myself up and grabbed my bag. I followed the map as closely as I could, and wandered about the hallways for a bit until I found the room I was looking for. There were only three other students in the room when I got there, and they gave me small smiles but didn't make much conversation with me.

Through eavesdropping, I discovered that two of the girls were friends and had been amazed to both make it into the program this summer after two unsuccessful attempts. It sounded like they felt honored to be allowed to study multiple topics, and that made me curious about how the system worked here. I didn't have long to ponder it before the transfiguration professor entered and I had to stifled a gasp under a cough. IT was actually McGonagall. I had no idea she taught somewhere else during the summer.

"Good afternoon. I understand that you are the general magic team,: she said with a slight nod. "My name is professor McGonagall, and though others might give you special status for being admitted into such a team, I will not. I expect nothing but the best from all of you. Is that clear?"

There were mummers of assent from all of us before she continued.

"This summer we will be covering advanced transfiguration for young witches, and I expect you to seek me out if you are falling behind. I will not pity any student who waits until sixth week to let me know that they are confused." She said sternly. "When the last week rolls around you will be tested on what you have learned, and if you do not pass, you will not receive your certificate of completion from this school. Even if you pass all of your other exams."

I heard a grumble from the other girls about the sternness of the British teachers, but I felt more at home knowing that I was going to be in the company of one of my old teachers.

After she had finished her lecture, she set us to work on transfiguring out desks into dogs. She went over the finer points of imagining how the dog would look, and the proper pronunciation of metemorcanis. But then we were essentially on our own. By the end of the two hour session none of us had been successful. One girl had succeeded in giving her table a mouth that could bark, another had fur growing in patches on her table which had shrunken in size, and the third's had shrunken to the size of a Pekinese and had sprouted a wooden tail. I had managed to get my table to grow fur and a tail, and it was moving like a lethargic dog but it was still mostly table.

She gave us homework to perfect the spell before our next meeting on Friday and then she sent us on our way. I went back to the dorm and put my things away before changing into a pair of running shorts and a sports bra. I could hear the students talking about how it was dinner time, so I threw on a sweatshirt over my sports bra and went down to join everyone else. I made myself a cob salad and grabbed a bottle of water before heading over to the same corner table I had sat at during breakfast. I had been sitting for a few minutes when a girl sat down at my table. I looked up at her, and saw that she had brown hair and brown eyes, was very skinny, and seemed sort of shy.

"Hell," I said softly. "My name is Bianca, who are you?"

"Hi," she said with a sweet smile. "My name is Betsy. I'm from Washington. Where are you from?"

"I'm from London," I answered quickly. "Washington is on the other side of the states right?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "It's on the other coast, but I don't much care for the ocean. I live in the middle of the state, where it's rainy."

"I can relate to that," I laughed. "It rains quite a lot in London too."

"Isn't it nice to be in the sunshine here?" she chuckled. "I'm just glad to be at a school for a bit. I'm homeschooled back in Washington and it's odd to only see any other magical people when I go out shopping."

"I think this might be smaller than my school in terms of attendance, but I really like the campus a lot," I admitted while still pondering the idea of homeschooling. "Plus it's an opportunity to leave England which is pretty exciting."

Betsy and I enjoyed pleasant conversation while we ate. I discovered that she was sixteen, and that she thought the other girls were a bit pretentious as well. I invited her to come running with me after our meal out of politeness, but she was surprisingly eager to accept the invitation. She needed to change so she went back to her dorm which was on the other side of the courtyard from mine. She came out with a tiny little wizarding wireless radio and headphones to show me. She told me we should get one for me as soon as we could so that I could use it while running before taking it back to her room so she wouldn't feel like she was ignoring me.

We decided to make two laps around the campus to equal a five mile run while we were stretching. We took off, and I quickly discovered that Betsy was much more fit that me, and I was really having to push myself to keep up with her. I kept my gaze on her as I ran behind her, and it dawned on me that she was much thinner than me as well. I wondered if she would let me in on her secret to staying thing, because I distinctly remembered seeing her eat an entire BLT at dinner complete with chips and soda.

* * *

Betsy and I quickly fell into a routine that week. We didn't have any classes together since she was on the Runes team, but we had all of our meals together. We worked out together early each morning and after dinner before separating for the night to complete all of our homework. By the second week, I had caught on to how Betsy was staying so thing, and I wasn't so sure I wanted to follow in her footsteps. It seemed she was regurgitating what food she was eating, and I thought I might rather just keep counting my calories and lowering my intake. It seemed much healthier to me. Betsy and I became close as the weeks went on, and we began to depend on each other when it came to our diet and exercise routines. It was my job to reminder her to color code her binges, and her job to slap my hand if I reached for chips instead of celery at the dining hall.

The classes flew by, and before I knew it I could transfigure anything into a dog, button, cauldron or chair. I could brew seven different antidotes as well as a mild sleeping potion and calming draught. I leanred to decipher several different ancient Rune tablets, though I had to admit it was the subject I had struggled the most with. I learned a cheering charm, a bubble head charm, a summoning charm, and a charm which allowed me to make books fly like birds, though I couldn't remember the technical name for it to save my life. I wasn't sure exactly what I had learned in arithmancy, and I decided that if I had the choice never to take the class again I would take it. I had learned a much more extensice lunar charting method in astronomy, but I had the feeling the Hogwarts program was more advanced than the one here. I had probably the most fun in my herbology classes. I learned about the rest of caring for mandrakes, how to care for the vampire lotus, proper gnome removal techniques, and extensive magical wood properties which I found most interesting.

After the course of six weeks I had also managed to loose twenty pounds.

* * *

There was a sort of graduation ceremony for all of us after we had all taken our exams. There was a girl from my dorm who had not passed one of her tests, and she was red eyes and grumpy while everyone else received their certificates. It was actually an interesting little diploma. It could be hung on the wall, and configured to set itself up on a desk, or even rolled up and hidden for those who wished to be a bit more discreet about where they had spent their summer.

I accept my certificate, exchanged mailing addresses with Betsy, packed my things, and I was on my way to the airport once more. The flight back was much less exciting, and I didn't feel guilty about falling asleep on all of my flights. I stumbled groggily off the plane and went to claim my baggage. I had barely pulled my suitcase off of the conveyor belt when I heard Albus calling my name. I spun around and I was greeted with one of his sparkling smiles. I couldn't help myself, no matter how tired I felt, I ran over to hug him.

"How was your summer?" he asked jovially, but I thought I noticed a shadow cross over his features as he was pulling away from my hug.

"It was amazing!" I gushed. "Did you know they have a holiday called the Fourth of July? I probably shouldn't have liked it since it was all about getting liberated from England and all, but it was so cool. They had fireworks, and all sorts of things. I even sort of wrote a song about it. Do you want to hear it when we get home?"

"I would love that," he said sincerely as he led me outside.

Rather than taking public transit again he led me sneakily into a sort of alley outside of the terminal, shrunk my luggage down so it would fit in my pocket, and then offered me his hand. Then we did slide-along apparition into our home. He returned my luggage to regular size for me, and I had him re-enlarge the trunk I had purchased in a wizarding shop near the school, since I could no longer do magic until school started again.

Then I put off unpacking, and pulled out my guitar and followed Albus into the living room where he was sitting by the fire holding a pamphlet. I asked him what it was, but he assured me he would tell me as soon as he had heard my new song. I sat down and hurried through retuning my guitar and started to play.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag

Drifting through the wind

Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin

Like a house of cards

One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep

Six feet under scream

But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what your worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework

Come on let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed

So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

Katy Perry Firework lyrics found on .

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what your worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework

Come on let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what your worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework

Come on slet your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

(Katy Perry)

Albus clapped enthusiastically at the end like he always did, but then he asked me if I had given any really thought or consideration to singing for performance. I told him I hadn't thought about it much, and we moved onto the pamphlet he was holding. It was time for me to choose what classes I would be taking when school started. Apparently the other students had picked theirs during the school year, but I clearly hadn't been able to do that. I thumbed through the many career pamphlets, and voices that I was interested in becoming a wand maker. So Albus helped me pick the classes best suited for that outcome. In the end I would be taking potions, transfiguration, charms, herbology, care of magical creatures, arithmancy, ancient runes, and astronomy. We filled out a form with those classes checked, and sent it off via owl to Hogwarts where McGonagall would end up filing it.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Song for this chapter: There's Only Me(instrumental) by Rob Dougan**_

* * *

In the morning Albus wasn't really hearing it when I told him I'd like to go into Diagon Alley on my own. Normally it was fine, but he seemed upset by the idea now. He kept my supply list in hand and informed me that things were a bit different this summer but he did not explain further much to my frustration. Normally we were very open with one another, and I had thought before there was nothing he would keep from me considering things that he had shared with me, but now I was not quite so sure.

Instead of fighting him on it however, I took his proffered hand, and let him apparate me into the spot just outside the Leaky Cauldron with him. We stepped out of the somewhat gloomy weather, into the packed pub, and through the dimness I saw a large group sitting around a table. It looked like the Weasleys were here eating, and had Harry and Hermione with them. I hurried over to them with a beaming smile overtaking my face.

"Hey guys," I chirped as I grasped the back of Harry's chair. "How are you?"

There was a chorus of hellos and answers about good summers. We shared travel stories as they ate, and I sat with a glass of water, staunchly ignoring the fact that Albus was watching me closely from the bar with a strange look on his face. Apparently the Weasleys had won a lottery and gone to Rgypt, though Ron hadn't mentioned that in any of his letters to me. I was caught up in wondering about that, when Hermione shared about having gone to France. She had told me a bit about that in her letters, but had seemed more interested in hearing about America. It sounded like Harry had the more interesting summer by far when the incident with our aunt was taken into consideration. I was wondering if I would ever meet any of the Dursleys when Tom came over to ask if I would like anything to eat. I gently turned him down and said that I really needed to go pick up my books.

I told everyone goodbye and that I would see them on the train tomorrow, and then I hurried out to shop with Albus following closely behind me. I went to get my books first, and it was rather uneventful which I appreciated. Next I went to the robe shop as I was currently swimming in the ones I had. I submitted to a fitting pondering the concerned look on Albus's face as well as the one on the face of Madam Malkin, but I said nothing and neither did they. I put in an order for five sets and while I waited for the order to be filled I went to refill my potions supplies at the apothecary. I had just stepped back out into the grey sunlight when I spotted the Diggorys coming out of Gringotts.

"Cedric!" I called through he crowd, leaving Albus in my wake as I hurried over. "Cedric, over here!"

"Bianca?" he asked, moving forward looking for me just as I burst through the wall of people between us.

"Hey," I said as I hurried forward to hug him. "I hoped I might run into you here."

"I didn't know you were back," he said as he hugged me back. "I thought I might not see you until school started. How are you?"

"I'm good, tired, but good." I sighed finally releasing him. "I'm still adjusting to the time difference, but I am glad to be back."

"You must have been busy over there," he said. "It looks like you lost a bunch of weight."

"A few pounds," I nodded, trying to decipher what his face meant. "The girls at the school were really into exercise."

"I should get better about that," he chuckled, patting his flat stomach as if it were fat. "Gotta stay trim for Quidditch."

"aybe we can run together in the mornings," I suggested before remembering my robes. "Oh shoot, I forgot I need to pick up my robes. Do you want to meet up to go to the train station together tomorrow?"

"Sure," he agreed quickly. "How about we pick you up in the morning?"

I looked to Albus for confirmation and found him watching the conversation with more interested than was strictly necessary. He nodded his assent, and I beamed at him.

"Sounds like a plan," I smiled. "I'll see you then."

We left the Diggorys and picked up my robes. I had too many bags to manage on my own, so once again Albus shrunk my things for me and I stashed them away in my pockets. We flooed out of the Leaky Cauldron this time instead of apparating, and soon arrived in our kitchen once more.

I hurried up to my room and set to work packing up my brand new trunk. It had five locks, each opening to something different. The first one was like a basic trunk, and I filled that with my books. Behind the second lock there was another regular trunk compartment which I put my parchment, ink, and potion ingredients in. Behind the third lock there was a set of drawers that could be pulled up with a handle and once pulled up and out of the trunk they made up a chest of drawers that could be swiveled out to access your clothes. Behind the fourth lock there was a series of small compartments, and this was where I put my quills, my diary, and a stuffed bear Cedric had sent me on my birthday. The fifth lock was my favorite. When it was opened it reveal the entrance to a hidden room, and had a small ladder for climbing down into it.

As of right now the only thing I was keeping in the secret room was an elliptical. Technically it was a piece of muggle equipment, but Betsy had assured that this particular machine did not require electricity, and thus should not stop working once I was at Hogwarts. Betsy and I had sat down for a serious discussion about how I would need to be careful about people noticing how much I exercise, and it was that conversation that led me to buying the trunk. I wanted to be able to keep my secrets, well secret.

I put my guitar into the room alongside my elliptical, and then I locked up the trunk. When everything was packed and ready to go, I went back downstairs to spend the rest of the evening with Albus. He made chicken casserole for dinner, and I forced myself to sit and eat everything that he dished onto my plate. After the meal he talked to me for a long time about the upcoming year, and I watched time slowly ticking by as I tried not to grow agitated. I normally enjoyed spending time with him, but I really wanted to work off my dinner before it got too late.

When it was late enough to plausibly go to bed I told him I was still really jet lagged and hurried up to my room. I closed my bedroom door and turned out the light so he would assume I was sleeping before I opened the lock on my trunk and snuck down into the secret room. I spent an hour on the elliptical working up a good sweat and burning as many calories as I could before I actually became tired. When I felt sluggish I climbed off, but I forced myself to first do two hundred sit-ups and pushups before finally climbing back up into my bedroom. I considered going for a shower right then, but I didn't want to alert Albus to the fact that I had not gone to bed. So instead I set my alarm for early in the morning and I lay down to finally go to sleep.

* * *

Morning came bright and early, and my body certainly didn't feel like getting out of bed. I whipped it into shape and drug myself out of bed, ignoring the wave of dizziness and temporary spots in my vision. I clamored into the shower, running he water as hot as I could while trying yet again to convince myself that I was doing it because I liked hot water and not because I was trying to fog up the mirror and avoid seeing my own reflection. I hadn't enjoyed my own appearance in a mirror since my first year at Hogwarts, and while I wished it weren't true, it didn't seem like that was going to be changing anytime soon.

I pulled my hair into a French brain that I knew would be messy since I hadn't used the mirror, and pulled on jeans and a sweater before heading back to my room. I threw on the navy pea coat I had picked up over in America, and I began dragging my trunk out of bedroom. I was grateful that there was a charm on the secret room to lighten everything in it, but it still felt a bit heavy for my tastes. I discovered after dragging my trunk somewhat noisily down all the stairs that Albus had already left for the Castle. He left a note for me tapped to the door wishing me luck and giving me money for snacks on the train.

I put the money and the note back down on the desk just as a knock sounded at the door. I opened it to reveal Cedric's smiling face, and I was momentarily distracted by how dapper he looked in just a pair of khakis and a green polo. I shook myself out of the silly girly moment and greeted him. He grabbed my trunk for me, and I followed him down the walk to the car where Mrs. Diggory was waiting for us.

"Hello dear," she said brightly as I slid into the backseat. "How are you doing this morning?"

"Good!" I smiled back, lacing my fingers with Cedric's once he was seated beside me. "I can't wait for term to start!"

"Ah I remember my days at Hogwarts," she sighed as she pulled away from the curb.

"Mum," he groaned. "Please don't tell anymore Hogwarts stories."

"Okay dear," she chuckled, focusing her attention on driving rather than us.

"You know I don't mind stories," I whispered into his ear. "Albus tells me all sorts of stories about his life. I find them interesting."

"I find my mother's stories mortifying," Cedric whispered back, his lips brushing my ear in the most delightful way. "But perhaps she can tell you some over tea someday. I'll just hide out with my dad."

It didn't take us long to get to the train station, and we quickly loaded our luggage onto a trolley so we had plenty of time to get through the barrier. Mrs. Diggory opted not to come through with us, but I thought that might be because of Cedric not wanting to seem uncool. Personally I liked his mother, but I assumed that being embarrassed by your parents was a pretty common ailment for most teens who had parents to be embarrassed of.

We boarded the train at leisure and found a compartment in the middle. We sat watching the small hallway so we would see Harry when he boarded. I wanted to make sure to greet him, but I thought it might be a fear of mine that he was going to miss the train again. We only had to wait for a few minutes before I saw the whole group coming on, and I hurried out into the hall. I caught up with them and said a quick hello. I pointedly ignored the disgruntled look from Ron when he saw that I was going to be spending the train ride with Cedric. We'd never spoken about it, but I had begun to notice that Ron's mood about me seemed to be changing. It seemed almost as if he thought I was being disloyal. Like spending time with Cedric meant I was stealing time from Harry and the group or something.

When I got back to the compartment I saw that Cho had joined us. She was reading a Witch Weekly magazine and Cedric was looking through one of his quidditch books again while they traded stories about their summers. I sat down with Cedric, and pulled of the crocheting project of a lumpy misshapen scarf from this summer and joined in on the conversation. Our amicable chat carried us far through the countryside, but it ended rather abruptly as the train rolled to a stop. I turned to look out the window, wondering what was going on since we shouldn't arrive at the school for at least another hour.

I couldn't see out of the window though, it appeared to be pitch black outside. I turned to say something to Cedric about it, but then the light in our cabin had gone out and all that came out of my mouth was a startled gasp. The door slid slowly open and I heard a strange rattling breath, but then my hearing seemed to be muffled as my ears seemed to fill with sounds I had never wanted to hear again. I could hear myself screaming, and that very sound being muffled by heady Groans from Draco Malfoy. I tried to remind myself that I was in a train cabin and nothing was happening, but I could swear that I felt a hand crushing my throat and another tearing at my clothes.

I started to hyperventilate and the air felt as if it were shredding my throat as it rushed repetitively into my lungs without providing relief. I thought I might be passing out when I saw a brightness even through my closed eyelids. I forced my eyes open even as I struggled for air and clawed at the invisible hand on my throat. With my eyes open I could see that the light in our cabin had come back on, but I couldn't seem to get my breathing under control, and tears were streaming down my face. Cedric's face came into view, and based on the angle I was seeing him at I must have been laying on the floor.

"Bianca," he said clearly and calmly. "Can you focus on me?"

I nodded my head when I found myself unable to draw a proper breath and speak.

"Okay good," he continued smoothly. "I want you to watch how I'm breathing. Do you see the slow deep breaths I'm taking? I want you to copy me okay."

I tried to do what he was asking but I was struggling. When he saw my continued struggle he began saying in and out, in a slow rhythm to get me to copy him. It took time, but eventually it started to come together for me. As I started to get more air, I began to believe that no one was actually touching me. When the dizziness had passed and I felt relatively calm I sat up. Cedric sat down on the floor beside me, and I slumped against his shoulder, and just kept breathing as evenly as I could manage.

"Thanks," I sighed, lightly fisting the hem of his shirt in my hand. "That was embarrassing."

"Don't worry about it Bianca," he said quietly. "We studies dementors in Defense two years ago. They make their victims relive their worst memories."

"Oh," I breathed letting my eyes drift closed. "That explains a lot."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly.

"Ah…" I hedged, very aware of the fact that Chow as still in the compartment with us. "No that's okay. That's not a fun summer story. Cho, I'd love to hear more about your visit with your cousin from Japan."

The duo humored me and we spent the remainder of the trip talking about sushi and juku. When the train finally came to a stop we stood to throw on our robes and disembark. I still felt pretty shaky, but I tried to lean into Cedric a little more without saying what was wrong and causing anymore drama. We got off the train and climbed into the closest available horseless carriage to ride up to the castle.

* * *

Cedric and I stayed with Cho in our carriage up to the school, and we were joined by a student I had seen before but never actually met. We didn't talk much, but I was okay with that. I was exhausted from the dementor attack. I leaned tiredly into Cedric's shoulder, and rode out the bumpy ride trying to pretend that each jolt didn't hurt my backside.

When we arrived at the castle we climbed out of the carriage, and my weariness was quickly replaced with excitement as I spotted a familiar set of red, black heads of hair. I squeezed Cedric's hand and gave him a quick kiss before hurrying up the stairs to try and catch the trio. I ignored the slight flutter in my chest at the sudden exertion, and pushed myself up the stairs. I had just caught up with the group when McGonagall appeared and told harry and Hermione to follow her. Ron and I shared a confused look before his quickly turned to surprise when he realized I was standing next to him.

"Hey, when did you get here?" he gasped. "We didn't see you when we got off the train."

"Yeah, that was probably the most eventful train ride ever," I sighed as I followed him into the great hall. "Let's never do that again shall we?"

"I think I can agree to that," Ron chuckled as he took a seat at Gryffindor table. "Those dementors are right creepy gits. But they didn't give me nearly as much trouble as they did Harry."

"What happened with Harry?" I asked as I took a seat across from him.

"It made him pass out," he whispered, looking around to be sure no one had heard. "It was kinda creepy."

"I guess it would be," I said breathily, shocked to discover that Harry had been just as effected as me. "But I'm sure he had good enough reason. I mean what with the dementors making people relive bad stuff. If the stuff was bad enough, maybe you would faint."

"I guess it makes sense." Ron agreed quietly, his eyes roving around again, though this time it seemed to be in search of a change of topic. "So uh, it's weird they're serving hot chocolate instead of pumpkin juice eh?"

"Yes, but I am not upset about it," I said, pouring myself a glass and deciding just a for a moment to ignore just how many calories it had. "So how is Scabbers doing today?"

"Still a bit under the weather," he admitted, patting the pocket of his robe gently. "I don't know if that tonic I bought is even doing anything."

"I bet it just takes a while to make a real impact," I said as cheerily as I could, hoping that it wasn't just Scabbers's time. "Just you watch, bu next week he will have a bounce back in his step."

Whatever Ron's reply was going to be was cut off by the first years coming in to be sorted. They seemed to be even smaller than I could ever remember being. I didn't know anyone in this group od them, so I felt disconnected from the group. The sorting hat song was much like it had been our first year, and yet somehow this year it seemed daunting. It felt like it was trying to warn of something, but it was vague and when I tried to figure it out I felt fuzzy and tired. That disconcerted me, so I just let it go and focused on the students being sorted instead.

Several students were sorted into the other houses before one was sorted into Gryffindor. I was looking down our table when the first student came to sit with us, and I realized Harry and Hermione were now sitting at the table. When had they come in? My attention and focus was clearly not at its best today.

Eventually the feast appeared on the table and I worked on looking as excited to see it as everyone else. If there was one thing I had learned in America other than magic, it was that you couldn't' let people notice that you didn't like eating or they would grow very suspicious of you. This had been made very clear to me by Betsy. I suppose I had only been dabbling in weight loss games, but then I met her and I went pro. I felt more in control of my size, and my only struggles the last week or so had been cravings. I was sitting on the brink of breaking the 100 pound mark, but lately I had just been so terribly hungry.

All the food in front of me looked both delicious and repulsive at the same time. I both wanted to devour everything I could reach, and run from the room screaming After a minute or two of torturing myself, which thankfully went unnoticed, I picked out a chicken leg, potatoes and peas. I had a secret love for potatoes and peas because of how easily it could be made to look as if you had eaten some just by moving them around your plate. I couldn't tell you what it was about the vegetables that made them so able to do this, but I was forever grateful for it. I took my time tearing my chicken off the bone so I wouldn't be tempted to devour the whole thing in one bite.

Dinner began to wind down, and Albus stood to make his start of term notices. He introduced the new defense teacher, who I noticed had a scarred face and wondered what had happened to him. Then he started talking about the new security measures around the castle, and I heard for the first time about Sirius Black and his escape from Azkaban. I was torn between fear for all of our safety, anger that Albus hadn't just been upfront with me, and confusion. Why would a mass murdered come to our school? It just seemed so ludicrous to me.

The feast ended, and I followed the group through the corridors to our home away from home. I stood by Hermione as she delivered filibuster as the password, and filed that information away for later use. I went straight up to the dormitory instead of lingering in the common room for chat. There would be plenty of time for that tomorrow, and I wanted to put a sticking charm on the curtains around my bed so my roommates would think I had already gone to sleep. Then I could safely hide away in my secret room and burn off my dinner.

I cast the sticking charm on the fly since I couldn't tell for sure if someone was following me up the stairs without being obvious and looking. I quickly unlocked the fifth lock, and cast a glance around the room to see if there was anyone with me. The coast was clear so I quickly climbed down the ladder, and gently pulled the lid closed behind me. I had discovered this summer that the lock only worked from the outside. If I were to push on the lid from the inside it would easily open for me without any sort of key.

Once I was in I felt a sense of calm rush over me. I slipped my robes off and grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top off of the table that was built into the wall. I threw them on, and grabbed my compact wizarding wireless music player. I put my ear buds in and tuned it to an upbeat station. I did a few quick stretches, and then I hopped onto my elliptical. I spent a few minutes just getting my muscles warmed up, and then I pushed the incline to its highest and took of moving as quickly as I could.

I ran for 45 minutes, and then I slowed back down for a cool down.I had only burned off about 200 calories but I needed to get a shower so I could get some sleep before the first day of classes. I turned off my music, and grabbed my robe before slowly climbing back up the ladder. I stopped just under the lid and listened carefully. I heard nothing outside the trunk so I delicately lifted the lid up a few centimeters to listen a bit better. Everything was silent so I pushed the lid all the way open and quickly climbed out. I was just pushing the lid closed when the door opened and Hermione came in.

"Hey," she whispered. "I thought everyone was in bed by now."

"I'm just going to grab a shower," I explained, hoping she wouldn't notice how sweaty I was. "I sort of thought you would go to bed early because of classes starting tomorrow."

"That was my plan," she sighed as she crossed over to her bed and began changing into her nightgown immediately, causing me to envy her comfort in her own body. "I got caught up talking to people about the courses that they are taking."

"I'm actually really excited to start my new courses," I gushed before grabbing my shower things and turning to leave. "I hope we still have classes together."

"O we will," she chuckled before climbing into bed. "I'm taking practically everything."

I left her on that and went to take a quick shower. By the time I was done and heading back out to go to bed, Hermione was asleep. I unstuck my curtains and clamored into bed pulling them closed behind me. It was nice to be able to go to bed without having to worry about hiding my baby bump. I fell asleep practically the second my head hit the pillow.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Song for this chapter: Everything At Once by Lenka**_

* * *

I woke up bright and early, and climbed out of bed. I was planning to do a bit of yoga, but Lavender was already up and I didn't want to do it in front of her. Instead I put my bag together for class and spent extra time getting dressed. I tried on several outfits, discarding one after another when it made me feel fat or unattractive. I eventually settled on a sweater dress with leggings under my robes, and hoped it would be warm enough.

After it had been long enough to have missed a good portion of breakfast, but early enough not to seem weird, I headed down to the great hall. I collected my time table, and noticed that Hermione's seemed pretty full before she hid it away in her bag. I was greeted by everyone, and waved back, before I went over to sit with Cedric for the remainder of the meal. I nibbled on a bit of toast while I listened to Cerdic telling his friend Michael about the upcoming Quidditch trials. Gryffindor hadn't lost anyone so they wouldn't be holding any trials, but Hufflepuff had lost their keeper. They would be preparing over the weekend, and holding the actual trial on Monday evening. I could tell that Cedric was going to be busy for a while, and I probably wouldn't be seeing much of him until his team had been rounded out for the year.

I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek in parting, and hurried down toward greenhouse four with Neville. We only had to wait for roughly a minute before Professor Sprout showed up and let us in. We spent the class pruning the Flutterby bushes that had gotten out of control while she'd ben on vacation. The lecture itself was actually about the hornbeam tree which quickly grabbed my attention. I even wrangled five points for Gryffindor when I beat Hermione to provide the magical properties that made this tree's wood great for wand making.

* * *

Herbology was quickly becoming one of my favorite classes, but I still didn't have quite the flare for it that Neville did. I did find myself spending more time with him that I had in the past. He knew a lot magical plants, and had plenty of books to recommend about wand woods. I noticed that Ron seemed less annoyed with me spending time with Neville than if I was spending time with Cedric. I began to wonder if the issue was that Cedric was from Hufflepuff, or if it was simply because I was dating him.

I found that most of my days were spent finding a balance in how I divided my time. At first I was floundering to find a balance in all of the things I wanted to do each day, but I eventually found a rhythm that worked for me. I woke just after sunrise, and I did thirty minutes of yoga before the other girls started to wake. I would dress and go down to breakfast with everyone where I would join Cedric and eat something very small while we talked and laughed together.

I would attend my lessons, and instead of taking lunch in the great hall I would spend that hour catching up on any homework I hadn't gotten done the night before, or getting ahead on homework for the next day. After the afternoon lessons I would attend dinner, where I would sit at the Gryffindor table. Depending on the night, after dinner I would either go for a walk with Cedric, or skip straight to running in my secret room if Cedric had Quidditch practice.

After working off whatever I had eaten at dinner I would shower, and then join Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the common room to work on my homework. I usually found time to goof around with the boys as well, though Hermione never did seem to have much time for that anymore. She refused to let me see her time table, but if the books I saw her studying were accurate, she was taking far more classes than was actually possible.

* * *

"Are your classes difficult this year?" Cedric asked me as we lazed about on the edge of the lake enjoy what was left of the sunshine.

"No not really," I shrugged, laying my head on his shoulder and picking at the grass. "It's different with elective lessons, but I don't feel overwhelmed or anything like that."

"You aren't working yourself to hard?" he asked quietly, running his fingers through my hair and watching it catch the light.

"No," I sighed contentedly, enjoying his attentions.

"If it was, you would tell me wouldn't you?" he asked quietly.

"Of course Cedric," I assured him, curious about what had spurred this conversation.

"It's going to get dark soon, we should get inside," he said as he shifted us into a better position for standing up. "I have a meeting with my Quidditch team in the common room in a few minutes anyway."

We shared a parting kiss and walked hand in hand back up to the school. We parted ways in the entrance hall. It was still early enough that I didn't want to head back to Gryffindor yet, so I found my feet wandering up to the owlery. I had only just sent a letter off to Betsy the day before, so I wasn't expecting one back for a few days, but I thought it might be nice to just spend some time up there with the birds. It felt surprisingly homey when I was surrounded by feathery companions.

* * *

The changes I was making with my diet and exercise were harder to hide when I was around Albus. I was still invited to family dinners in his chamber every Sunday evening, and no matter how much food had begun to repulse me I wasn't going to turn those invites down if I could manage it. I would inevitably end up skipping all other meals that day in order to compensate for how much food I would eat in front of him, but it was worth it for the time we got to spend together. Even if it meant I had to run twice as long those nights.

Sometimes I told him stories about what had gone on that week, but I usually tried to talk him into telling me things instead. I loved hearing about his life, even if the stories he told me didn't always have happy endings. He was amazingly open with me at family dinners. No matter what I asked about, if it were Sunday night I would get the honest answer.

He had finally told me a little more about Sirius Black during one of those dinner, but not much. It was one of the only times, that sensing his hesitance I didn't ask for more information. I hoped at some point he would be more comfortable telling me and let it go. On many other occasions he had told me far more and I felt that gave him a little credit for leniency on my part.

I most liked to hear stories about his younger sister Ariana, but I had to be careful about asking about her. He had told me the story of what had happened to her once, and I understood that he was often terribly sad when he thought of her. I liked to look at the small portrait he kept of her on his desk. She had been a beautiful young girl.

I noticed that this year I was less excited to share about my everyday life with him at those dinners, but I hoped he hadn't noticed. I was working quite hard to make my life work perfectly, and it felt like it could all fall on its face if he were to discover that it wasn't all happening naturally. I felt like I could do anything and everything, just so long as no one knew how much work was going into doing everything that I was doing.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Song for this chapter: Pan's Labyrinth Lullaby Song**_

* * *

I was in love with my third year at Hogwarts. I was in love with my classes. I was in love with the future I could see developing as a wand maker. I was in love with my closer relationship with Harry, Ron, and Hermione even if it was incubated by the strange Sirius Black situation. I was in love with Cedric, though hadn't admitted this to him verbally just yet. And I was also in love with how well my dieting was coming along. As the end of October rolled around I had finally gotten down to 95 pounds. It had been a struggle from 105 on down, but I had finally managed it. Without resorting to Betsy's method the pounds were being stubborn. Betsy wrote me regularly, and she kept telling me that even if I didn't break the 9 pound mark she was proud of me for how strong I was. It never failed to relieve my stress.

The day of Halloween was a difficult one for me. I woke up in a cold sweat after the first nightmare that had disturbed my sleep in a long time. Then when I tried to climb out of bed I fell to the floor with black spots dancing across my vision. I was unfortunate enough for Hermione to have seen it, but I was lucky enough to get her to believe I had simply gotten my legs caught in the bedding, causing me to trip.

I rushed to the shower, already behind and realizing that I was going to have to skip my mourning yoga. I wanted to get the cold sweat off of my skin, but I couldn't help but notice that my heart was still racing quickly in my chest making me feel shaky and unsafe. I ended up opting to take a bath so I could avoid falling in the shower for the same reason I had in the bedroom and seriously injuring myself.

The bath put me so far behind that I had already missed breakfast by the time I got out. It took me far longer to get dressed and ready for the day because I kept having to stop and fight of rounds of dizziness as I went. I couldn't quite explain how time had moved so quickly, but by the time I was finally dressed and ready to go I had already missed the entirety of Care of Magical Creatures.

When I had run all the way to Hagrid's hut only to discover that the lesson had ended I was exhausted, and terribly relieved that my next class was potions and I would be able to sit down on a stool. I was winded, and I felt like death, but I trudged up to the castle alongside the other students.

It was still relatively nice out, but I felt cold and sluggish as I moved across the grounds with Harry, Ron, and a tired looking Hermione keeping me company. Somehow I was instantly covered in sweat again when we reached the castle, and I wondered if perhaps I was sick. I was also worried that I smelled awful since I just kept sweating.

Snape set us to work on a bruise paste. I found myself wishing this had been the first potion I had ever learned because of how handy it would have been in more than one situation over the past couple of years. In all fairness, it still would have come in handy to me though. I had been bruising a lot easier as of late, and there were bruises riddled all over my legs making them rather tender. I tried to focus as sharply as possible, to make the paste perfect. I thought I did a pretty good job, but at the end of class Snape made a point of scolding me for having a green tinted paste when it was clearly supposed to be yellow. He sneered that of course the past would still work, but the surplus of crocodile scales that was causing the green tinting would most likely cause discoloration of the skin and chaffing to the user.

I groaned and laid my head down on the table resolving to just ask Madam Pomfrey for a batch if I couldn't get it right on a second try. I gathered my things, and headed back up to the dormitory to rest during my free period before Runes. I plopped my bag down and slumped onto my bed to rest for just a moment. I was just going to close my eyes for a second, but the next thing I knew I was being jolted awake by the sound of Hermione sighing and dropping her books loudly.

"What time is it?" I groaned sleepily as I sat up.

"It's 4:30 Bianca," Hermione snapped. "I've brought your work as you've missed Runes. You know you aren't the only person in the world to ever get tired. You can't just skiv off your lessons."

"I don't know what happened," I rushed, seeing that she was very upset with me for missing class. "I was just going to shut my eyes for a second during my free period, and I must have just passed out."

"Ugh, some of us don't even have free periods you know," she snapped before blushing. "I'm sorry. I'm just really tired. I didn't mean to snap at you like that."

"It's okay," I shrugged. "I'm not mad. I should freshen up before the feast though."

"Do you want me to wait for you?" she asked as she stopped halfway to the door.

"No, don't worry about it," I waved her off. "I just want to brush my teeth, and maybe put my hair up or something, and then I will be right down."

"You always like to look nice for Cedric don't you?" she asked with a laugh as she headed to the door. "See you in a bit."

When she was gone I walked sluggishly into the bathroom wondering why I still felt so bloody awful. I had thought I was just a bit overtired, but even a long nap hadn't seemed to help. While standing before the mirror I saw how sallow I looked, and I sighed.

I washed my face quickly, and brushed my teeth as well. It made me feel a bit better, but I still looked pretty awful. I patted my face dry with a hand towel and decided that a little makeup wouldn't be amiss today. I did my best to hide the bags under my eyes and brighten my cheeks, but I still looked a little sickly to my own eyes.

I took a brush to my ratted up hair, and almost burst into tears when I saw how much was coming away in the brush. It wasn't a few hairs here and there like it had been all of my life. There were large chunks of hair coming away, and I got the distinct impression that I would go bald if it continued at this rate. What was going on? I pulled the front of my somewhat lifeless hair into a poof, and drew the rest of it back into a messy bun, hoping that no one would notice that all of my hair seemed to be falling out.

I deemed that was as presentable as I was going to get and I headed down to the common room. I knew that everyone would be headed to the feast, but I was still rather surprised to see that the common room was completely empty. How long had I taken in the bathroom? I looked down at my watch as saw that it was already late in the evening. Hermione must have been running late as it were when she woke me, because I certainly hadn't spent an hour in the bathroom had I?

I was drawn out of my confused musings when I noticed that there was a commotion nearby. I listened intently trying to hear where it was coming from, and I realized I heard the gruff voice of a man yelling at a woman. The woman's voice sounded familiar but I couldn't quite place where I had heard it before. I edged closer to the portrait hole and I realized that the voices must be coming from out in the corridor.

I knew I shouldn't eavesdrop, but I was curious to know who it was that was fighting outside Gryffindor tower when neither voice sounded as if it belonged to a student. I stepped right up to the back of the painting, pressing my ear against the back of the canvas. I realized then that the screeching female voice belonged to the fat lady, and she was shouting loud enough to vibrate her painting.

"I absolutely will not let you in without the password!" she nearly screamed.

I had my entire body pressed up against the portrait, straining to hear who would answer her, but there was no response. Instead I heard a ripping sound right before I felt a horrible pain in my neck. I was in shock as I stumbled away from the portrait where I saw a knife tearing slashes into the portrait. There were several of them, but none of them were wide enough for me to see who was on the other side.

I couldn't hear the fat lady anymore, but I wasn't sure if that was because she had stopped yelling, or if it was because of the pounding sound of my heart in my ears. The world was spinning rapidly around me, making it nearly impossible to see. I felt disoriented, and beyond the horrible burning pain in my neck I felt a growing weakness that I couldn't quite explain.

My knees collapsed beneath me, and my body felt so heavy as it began to fold in on itself. My arm would hardly cooperate with me, but I forced it to reach up and I pressed my hand against my neck trying to understand where the pain had come from. I had expected to be presented with the column of my throat, but I was instead presented with strange mangled flesh that was slippery to the touch.

I pulled my hand away and through my darkening vision I saw that my hand was red with my blood. I glanced down at my body, my neck screaming a protest at the movement and I was shocked to see that my clothes and robes were soaked through with my blood as well. I was drenched in it. There seemed to be more on me than should have even been present in my body. I tried to call out for help, but only a whisper of a croak came out of my mouth.

It was then that I began to understand the reality of the situation I was in. The world was growing dark around me, and I appeared to be bleeding out rather quickly with no way to try and call for help. And no one would be coming into Gryffindor tower for some time as they were all at the feast right now. Not to mention that they might not be able to get into the tower when the portrait hole had been destroyed.

My thoughts became more sluggish and hard to follow as my vision dimmed into nonexistence. I wondered who would be so desperate to get into Gryffindor, and I wondered what it would be like to die. I wished for Cedric or Harry or Albus. And then there was nothing. The world was dark and I could no longer think of anything.

* * *

There were voices mumbling around me, but I couldn't make out anything that was being said. It seemed like there were many different voices talking around me, but they wove around one another sounding more like a strange song than actual words. I tried to force my eyes open, but they were not cooperating. I manage to crack them open slightly, but it was still difficult for me to see anything.

Things were blurry, but I could see that the side of my face was pressed into the carpet. Strangely enough I didn't seem to be able to feel it, but the carpet fibers were close enough for me to make them out clearly. They were soaked with my blood, and I imagined that my face must be coated in it as well, though again I felt nothing.

There were several pairs of shoes near me, but I couldn't turn my head to look up and see who hey belonged too. Nearest too me there were three pairs, two of them were trainers and one was a set of mary janes. I knew at least one of them must be female then, but I couldn't concentrate to discern anything further. Their voices still sounded pretty muffled to me, but I realized that I heard someone crying.

"Is she dead?" asked a male voice that I felt as if I should know.

"Know," said a crying female voice. "I saw her eyes open."

"Step back please," said a strong male voice that was terribly familiar to me. "Make room please."

I saw silver hair and brilliant blue eyes right in front of me, and I could see Albus reach out his hand to touch my cheek. I barely registered the pressure of his fingers against my skin, as if he hadn't really touched me at all. He seemed sad, but I couldn't connect with him in the strange void I was hovering in.

"Hold on Bianca, just hold on," he whispered to me, his voice cracking. "I'm going to move you. This might hurt."

He hadn't been lying. It was the first thing I had felt since forcing my eyes open once more that seemed to actually be connected to my body. It was a blinding pain that tore through me, and I thought for sure that my head would rip clean off my body before he could transfer me onto the stretcher that was lying on the ground beside me. I vaguely registered a another wet sensation on my skin beyond the astronomical pain, and I realized that the wound on my neck must have been trying to clot. It had clearly been ripped open once more.

It appeared that Albus had noticed this as well because his hand came down and closed over my throat. I had a moment of panic as I flashed back to another hand on my throat, crushing the air out of me, but then I realized he was only trying to slow the flow of my blood. It was then that I realized the there was a strange gurgling sound surrounding me, and with a shock I realized it was coming from me. I was growing dizzy and lethargic again, and as I started to lose consciousness once more it occurred to me that the gurgling sound might be my failed attempts at breathing.

* * *

As I started to regain consciousness I realized that once again I could hear voices. It was not nearly as disconcerting as it had been before. There were only two this time, and I immediately recognized them as belonging to Albus and Madam Pomfrey. I tried to focus on their words, but it was difficult through the fog clouding my mind. I no longer felt any pain in my body, but I felt weighted down to the mattress by whatever it was that was clouding my senses.

"Will she make it?" Albus asked, and I was surprised to hear how small his voice sounded.

"She will, but honestly she shouldn't have," Madam Pomfrey whispered back. "Everything she crosses my threshold I become more confused. This girl survives injuries that should logically have killed her. I am glad for it, but I do not understand it."

"I have a theory on that…" he mused, his voice regaining some of its strength. "But I need to do more research before I can be entirely sure."

"What do you think it is?" she asked, her interest clearly peaked.

"I don't want to say much yet, in case I am entirely wrong." He answered. "But I will say that I think she may have a magically durability that is not allotted to many wizards or witches."

"I do not think it wise to share such information with her," Madam Pomfrey whispered, and I wondered if there were other people in the room.

"Why is that?" Albus asked calmly.

"Well she does seemed to be trying to wither herself away doesn't she?" Madam Pomfrey said sadly. "I'm surprised at how she has remained upright and active as of late."

"She has become quite diminished hasn't she?" Albus mused sadly. "Is it what I think it is, or has she developed some ailment that causes unintentional weight loss?"

"I do not think this is unintentional sadly," she admitted quietly, and if I had it in me to feel anything I might have been afraid. "If it is stress or something much more dire I cannot be sure. She will need and evaluation to determine that."

I decided that it might be time to wake myself up completely and end their conversation. While I was curious about the first part of their conversation, the later part was getting me into a type of trouble I wasn't quite ready to deal with yet. I forced my heavy eyes to open, and yet it was rather difficult to show them that I was awake.

Everything felt heavy and really cold. I felt as if I were made out of stone or something equally as unmovable. Slowly the fuzziness faded from my vision, and I was able to make out the pair of them standing on the side of my bed next to a table full of potions bottles. I attempted to ask for water, but the only sound I produced was a raspy breathy grunt. This did succeed in grabbing their attention, but it forced me to cough which produced a searing pain my throat.

"You're awake," Albus rejoined quietly, sweeping closer to the bed, and taking my heavy unmoving hand in his. "Don't try to talk, just nod gently okay?"

I nodded, though it took more energy than I wanted to admit.

"I hear that your voice is still damaged," Madam Pomfrey said, all business now that I was awake. "Can you point to the place on your throat that is the most painful?"

I struggled to make my free hand comply, but eventually I was able to bring it up to my throat and run it along the center where the searing pain had come from.

"I think I may have missed some earing along your esophagus and vocal cords." She explained as she began looking through her many potion bottles. "I am going to try a new remember and have you swallow a bit of essence of Murtlap. It should restore your voice after a few doses."

I nodded to show her that I understood.

She crossed over to the other side of the bed so she wouldn't have to push Albus out of the way, and produced a purple glass bottle with a clear stopper. She filled a small pewter cup, and handed it to me delicately. I took it with a heavy arm and attempted to navigate it to my mouth, nearly dumping the lot of it on my hospital gown. Albus moved quickly to help prop me up and steer the cup to my lips. It tasted like grass and dirt, but it did sooth my throat a bit more. Albus continued to prop me up, and I saw that Madam Pomfrey was trying to hand me a different cup.

"This is another blood replenishing potion," she explained as she handed it over. "You will have to take this quite a few times over the next few days. You lost almost your entire volume of it."

With help I quickly drank it down, fighting off a grimace at the taste. It tasted of iron, and I wanted to scream in frustration when I saw that she had yet another cup waiting for me.

"This one will relax your muscles which is needed to relieve the strain in your neck and allow you to heal more quickly." She explained as she handed me the cup. "The taste is dreadful, but the effects will last for days, so you will only have to take it once. It will however make it difficult for you to move much."

I stifled a sigh and took the cup. I drank it quickly, and while I couldn't describe the taste well it reminded me an awful lot of vomit. I was relieve to see that all that remained in Madam Pomfrey's hand this time was a bottle of pumpkin juice. This one she handed directly to Albus, and I understood better when my arm dropped limply on the bed beside me. I could feel how my body had grown heavier and was slumping sluggishly toward the bed. None of my limbs responded when I tried to make them move, and I realized just how potent the potion was.

Albus delicately tilted my head back so it was supported in the crook of his elbow, and then he tipped the juice bottle to my lips. He let it run into my mouth and down my throat, and I found that in my extremely relaxed stated is was rather difficult to swallow. I was grateful to not choke on the juice.

"Is the bad taste gone," he asked. "Blink twice for yes, three times for no."

I blinked twice, well aware of the fact that I would not be able to nod now. He pulled the drink away, and settled me back into the pillows. He fluffed them a bit behind my head, and re-situated the blankets around me so that I would be warm. He placed a light kiss on my forehead and then resumed sitting next to my bed.

"Bianca, you should sleep now." Madam Pomfrey instructed. "I will wake you in a while to take more of the blood replenishing potion and to have a bit of food, but for right now rest is what your body needs."

While I would have liked to ask questions about what had happened, and what would happen now, I didn't want to try and use my voice again just yet. I also felt heavy and exhausted, so sleep didn't sound entirely awful. I closed my eyes and let myself drift, not sure if I heard properly in my sleepy haze when Albus said something about returning to the search of the castle.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Song for this chapter: The Only Moment We Were Alone by Explosions In The Sky**_

* * *

My time in the hospital wing passed in strange dollops. Some were dizzyingly fast, and others were agonizingly slow. Some slots of time seemed to be missing altogether, and I blamed that on the many potions Madam Pomfrey was giving me. Harry, Ron, and Hermione came to visit me often, though not nearly as frequently as Cedric did. Cedric had been there when I first woke up, and came back each day.

* * *

"You know you don't have to spend every moment here," I whispered to him on the third day when I had mostly recovered my voice but still couldn't move very well. "I know you have an important match to play in soon."

"It's more important to me to be here," he said, and I could tell he was being completely honest. "When I heard what happened… There just aren't words Bianca. I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."

"I have no plan of leaving you," I promised, nuzzling against his hand when he brushed it against my cheek. "I wish you could just lie here with me."

"So do I," he sighed. "I'm already getting the stink eye from Madam Pomfrey though. I should probably go."

I had been tempted again to tell him that I loved him, but I didn't. Instead I just watched him walk slowly out of the ward.

* * *

After a few short days in the hospital wing I found myself joined by Harry. I had apparently missed a very eventful Quidditch match, not to mention managing to sleep through everyone initially visiting Harry when he awoke. When I had woken up Cedric had been sitting at my bedside, and Harry had been asleep across the room, with Ron and Hermione sitting at his bedside talking amongst themselves.

"What's Harry doing here?" I asked Cedric, shuffling awkwardly into a sitting position.

I noticed that Ron and Hermione immediately heard my voice and looked over. Hermione looked happy to see me awake, but Ron was glaring, and I could only assume that was because Cedric was propping the pillows up behind my back so I'd have an easier time sitting.

"Well the Quidditch match was last night," Cedric explained quietly. "And there was an incident with the dementors storming the pitch. I will be eternally grateful that you weren't there for the game. Harry was effected though… he fell from his broom."

"Oh no!" I gasped, looking at what parts of his body weren't covered by blankets and searching for injuries. "Is he okay?"

"He seems alright," Cedric told me straight away. "Professor Dumbledore managed to slow his fall, so he didn't break any bones or anything. I think he's asleep because of whatever potion he was given. He was pretty upset when he found out his broom was ruined, and I think Madam Pomfrey gave him a calming draught or something."

"Are you going to tell her that our house lost?" Ron asked agitatedly from the other side of the room, revealing that he had been listening to our conversation.

"I was getting there," Cedric said calmly and politely even though I knew he was irritated. "Since Harry fell from his broom he didn't get a chance to catch the snitch. I caught it instead. I tried to ask for a rematch as it wasn't really fair but they wouldn't have it."

"I'm sure everyone knew you weren't serious," Ron spat angrily.

"Ronald," Hermione snapped, saving me from having to yell at him, and allowing me to focus instead on Cedric's concerned gaze.

"I know you meant it," I assured him, brushing my hand along his cheek bone. "It's unfortunate circumstances, but you did win. So congratulations."

Ron's visits to see me had diminished substantially after that. We hadn't had a real conversation about it, but he seemed to take a great deal of weight onto his own shoulders concerning my choices in my relationship with Cedric. It was as if any show of support for Cedric was taken as direct disrespect to himself or even Harry. I found it hard to tell if Harry felt the same way, but he hadn't ever actually told Ron to shut his mouth either.

* * *

The slowest times during my stay revolved around food. Madam Pomfrey was bringing me small meals six times a day, and it felt like a personal form of torture. I had to try and pretend that these meals didn't bother me, because I had gathered easily that she was suspicious of my behavior and my weight. I felt certain that I had gained at least ten pound already.

I felt an anger being to grow in me during my stay that had nothing to do with the food. It was explained to me when I was feeling better that my throat had been slit by Sirius Black. If I were a bigger person I might be able to admit that he had not been trying to attack me, and had simply been trying to gain access to the tower, but it wasn't that simple for me. Not only had he almost killed me, he had very nearly exposed my secret. He had put my life in danger, put me behind in my studies, put me under severe scrutiny, and it was him that I blamed for all of the weight I was now being forced to gain.

After two weeks it was deemed that I was entirely healed, and I was allowed to leave the hospital wing. My voice had returned entirely by the time I was let go, and I was relieved. I had come up with a plan for diverting attention away from my weight while I was holed up in the hospital wing, and it required a working voice. I had decided to push forward on the creation of a glee club that I had brought up with Cedric such a long time ago. I wanted to try and incorporate a dance element as well so I could get more exercise. I could use this club as part of my routine for getting back into shape as well as showing those watching me that I was clearly healthy. I hoped that they would be too busy observing my new creation to observe my other behaviors.

* * *

Something else that was different when I walked out of the hospital wing was my thirst for knowledge about Sirius Black. When I had heard that he was after Harry I was both horrified and intrigued, but now that he had made an attempt on my life, I felt it was important to learn everything about him that I could. I had learned from Albus that Sirius had attended Hogwarts, and that he had been popular, even friends with my parents, but I wanted to know more. It had felt like Albus was still hesitant to speak to me about Sirius, and I had let it go. But while I was laid up in bed an entirely new avenue occurred to me. If he had been friends with my parents in school then more than likely he had been friends with Professor Lupin, who Harry told me had been friends with our parents.

My new goal was to befriend the professor, and gain more information from him. I knew it would be a difficult task as he was a teacher and I was a student, but I was hell bent on accomplishing it. I didn't have the advantage of private lessons with him like Harry did, so it would be a little harder.

Of course that thought led me to a way in. I could seek him out for private lessons couldn't I? I had trouble with dementors did I not? He would have to have some sort of idea as to what the dementors must do to me after seeing the boggart turn into my broken and bleeding body in one of our first lessons. He must be able to decipher some idea of what the dementors made me relive.

With that thought in mind I had another mission in mind after leaving the hospital wing. I first went to Gryffindor tower so I could shower and change into a decent set of clothes. Thankfully everyone was still in class so I didn't have to stop and answer any questions. When I was refreshed I went first to see Albus and request permission to create the glee club. He gave his permission easily, and I left soon after. From there I went straight to Lupin's office. I was lucky enough to catch him when he did not have a class. I knocked eagerly on the door and waited patiently for him to answer, hoping I didn't look nearly as suspicious as I felt.

"Hello Ms. Potter," he said when he had opened the door to me.

"Hello Professor Lupin," I said brightly. "I was hoping I could talk to you for a bit."

"Sure, come on in," he said softly, moving to the side to allow me entrance into his office. "Have a seat and I will make us a spot of tea."

I took a seat next to his desk, and noticed that he left the door open. I wondered if this was an issue of propriety, or if he was hoping to discourage private conversation. I opted not to saying anything about it, and watched him as he put the kettle on the fire.

"So what did you want to talk about Bianca," he asked quietly, still facing away from me.

"I wanted to inquire about extra lessons with you," I said quietly. "I was hoping to receive additional instruction on how to deal with dementors… like you are giving to harry. I know they don't cause me the same reaction as harry, but I find them… difficult."

"I imagine that having gone through the same thing as your brother they would be just as troublesome for you,' he pointed out softly, joining me at the desk and providing a cup of tea. "If you don't mind me asking is there something else it causes you to relive? I noticed that your boggart had nothing to do with your parents."

I had to give him credit for tactfully not mentioning exactly what my boggart had been.

"Yes," I whispered, surprised by the tightness in my throat and concerned that I may actually start crying; I found I couldn't meet his gaze and admit the truth. "The dementors make me relive the rape. I feel as if I am suffocation, and there are hands all over me."

We sat in silence for a bit, and when I found myself able to look at him again I saw a series of different emotions flickering over his face. He refrained from speaking as they passed, and I cupped my warm mug of tea in my hands waiting for him to process whatever he was thinking. He sipped his tea and then finally made eye contact with me once more.

"I'm very sorry," he said finally in a firm and surprisingly reassuring voice. "I will gladly help you learn to deflect the dementors. I must however ask that you wait until after the holiday. I have not been very well as of late, and I need to recuperate before doing something quite so vigorous."

"That's okay," I agreed easily, noticing the circles under his eyes for the first time. "If it's alright, I was hoping I might talk to you about something else as well."

"That's alright," he nodded. "I have a bit more time before my next lesson."

"I'm sure you've heard about what happened on Halloween," I said as I shifted my focus to the ink well on his desk. "It has created an intense curiosity in me about Sirius Black. I was hoping I could talk to you about him."

"Why is that?" he asked in a tight voice, but I refused to look up and see what his face looked like.

"I heard that you went to school at the same time that I he did," I spoke the half-truth softly. "I thought you might be able to tell me a little bit about him. Like what kind of person he was back then."

"Black was an animated student," he said in a clinically detached voice. "He had many friends, and seemed to me to be a good person. Everyone was surprised when we discovered the truth about him."

"Was he… I mean did he show any signs that he was violent when he was young?" I asked.

"I don't believe he did," Lupin answered stiffly. "He would sometimes tease other students, but I think everyone believed it to be harmless."

"Do you think he knew I was behind the door?" I whispered, honestly not entirely sure of the answer myself.

"No," he said quickly, and adamantly. "He may be a bad person, but I don't think he was trying to do anything other than gain entry to the tower when he slashed the portrait."

"I wish that made it better," I sighed. "I should probably let you go. Thank you for answering my questions."

"Anytime," he answered as he followed me to the door, and I thought he might actually mean it.

"Thank you," I said, and then I left without turning back.

I walked back to the tower, doing my best to once again ignore the annoying new portrait of a knight. There weren't a lot of people in the common room, but I spotted Harry and Ron sitting in front of the fire so I went to join them. I was hoping for a reprieve from Ron's temper as I sat down beside Harry and looked at the broom catalog he was thumbing through.

"Hey Harry," I said quietly. "Looking for a new broom?"

"Yes he is," Ron said tersely, and I sighed realizing that there would be no reprieve. "As you remember his was smashed in the Quidditch match against the love of your life."

"Well if I remember correctly, Cedric had nothing to do with the smashing." I pointed out a bit more harshly than I had meant to, before turning my attention back to Harry. "Have you found a broom you like?"

"So you don't deny that he's the love of your life?" Ron all but screeched before Harry could give any sort of answer. "Merlin have you learned nothing here?"

"Ron," Harry chided, speaking for the first time. "Stop."

"It's fine Harry," I said quietly, standing up with as much composure as I could muster. "For the record Ron, as someone who is only thirteen, I'm not exactly looking for the love of my life. I'm sorry that you find my intelligence deficient due to my choices. I will no longer force you to observe them. Goodbye."

I turned and headed quickly toward the girls' dormitory. I could hear Harry trying to call me back, but I did not stop walking. I could feel the beginning of tears stinging my eyes, and I wanted to get out of sight before the broke free. Ron had so easily reminded me of Zacharias at the beginning of my relationship with Cedric, and it hurt just as much. His words had been less vulgar but far more painful. Though he had been surprisingly subtle for someone who was usually so brash.

Thankfully the dormitory was empty. I thought about giving myself over to the tears and just climbing into my bed, but I knew that I had to get to work after all of the weight I had put on in the hospital wing. Not to mention that a run was sure to make me feel better. So I went over to my bedside table, pulled out the set of keys that I normally wore around my neck anyway, and used them to unlock the fifth compartment on my trunk. I put the keys back in their rightful place around my neck, and I threw open the lid.

I quickly climbed down into the room, and shut the lid behind me. As soon as I was down in my secret room I breathed a small sigh of relief. It was short lived as I walked over to the mirror I had installed a few weeks ago and finally got a look at myself. I pulled my robes off and turned from side to side. There was certainly quite a bit more weight present, but I kept searching, trying to find exactly what it was that made Ron hate me so much. I could list many defects that I saw, but they didn't seem big enough to cause Ron to feel whatever it was exactly he was feeling.

I pushed Ron form my mind and pulled my t-shirt off as well. I took time to asses the damage, and while it was still visible it didn't look too bad. The pink gash on my neck was nearly healed, but it was going to take several more applications of the scar vanishing paste to erase it completely. For right now I would have to wear a scarf to hide the line that ran from just under the left side of my jaw down toward the base of my throat on the right side.

I could easily see that I had gained a stone during my two week stay. I would have to weigh myself to be sure of course, but it certainly looked to be the case. Which mean I would be back above the 100 pound mark once more. I pinched at my sides, unable to stifle the frustrated groan at how much flesh I could grab hold of. I shucked my jeans and went through the same routine with my thighs, wishing that the familiarity of such a routine would calm me. The tears only seemed to fall faster when faced with just how much weight I had gained.

I grabbed a pair of running short and a tank top from the stack of clean workout clothes I kept on the table. As soon as I had them on I grabbed my portable wireless and plugged in my ear buds. I turned it to a rock station and tried to focus on the pounding beats to distract myslf from the tears that would not stop falling.

I focused on making sure that I was very well stretched to try and distract myself from the painful thoughts that were racing through my mind. After I had been stretching for a good fifteen minutes, I decided it was time to start actually working out. I started out at a slow walk on the elliptical, but I was quickly pushing myself into a full out sprint. I kept upping the incline, and pushing myself further, trying to out run the hurt that I couldn't get out of my mind.

I felt more winded than normal, but I couldn't tell if it was due to my two week break or the fact that I could not seem to stop crying. I kept pushing it for an hour, waiting for it to pass, but when it still hadn't stopped I gave it up. I went through a ten minute cool down, and climbed off of the machine. I grabbed a towel and wiped the rivers of sweat off of myself.

Once I was reasonably presentable I pulled my robes back on and climbed back up out of my trunk. I closed the lid, grabbed my shower caddy, and headed into the connected bathroom. I was glad that both rooms had remained empty, because I was still a right mess.

Once I had showered, I went straight to my bed. I left my things sitting on the bedside table, not matter the fact that they were still a bit wet, and climbed into bed throwing the curtains closed behind me. I was pretty sure it was dinner time, and my stomach was rather sure as well, but I had no interest in going. Instead I buried my face in the pillows and cried myself out.


	30. Chapter 30

_**Song for this chapter: You and Me by Lifehouse**_

* * *

I awoke early the next morning and dressed quickly. I wanted to set to work on my plan for the musical dance group right away, so I grabbed my bag and headed down to the common room. I sat at a table in the corner, giving a slight nod to Hermione who I was surprised to see homework so early, but I did not make conversation. I pulled out a clean sheet of parchment and a bottle of black in and set to work.

In my best block print I created a poster advertising for a singing and dancing group. I noted that there were no house boundaries for the club, and that no performances had been arranged at this point. I put that the introductory meeting to get people signed up would be on the following Monday at six in the evening. When I had finished the poster, I magically duplicated it so I could set to work putting them up around the castle. I hung one on the bulletin board in our common room and then went out to start putting them up in other places.

I spent the morning putting them up around the castle, and stopped by the teachers' lounge to ask if the other heads of house would put them up in the other common rooms. They needed reassurance that Dumbledore had approved it, but once I told them Albus had already said yes, and encouraged them to speak to him for reassurances they seemed perfectly fine with putting them up. I was surprised at how easily Snape had agreed, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

The signs were up, and I just had to wait a week for the first meeting. Cedric was excited for me, but did seem to hover around me more than normal. It took me a couple of day to realize that he was still worrying about my health. I wasn't entirely sure if it was because of the attack, or if it was the same type of worry I saw in Albus and Madam Pomfrey's eyes.

I opted not to ask in case I received and answer that I didn't like, and instead threw myself into appearing healthy so Cedric would have no reason to worry. I got up early each morning to exercise in private, and then spent a good hour making myself look presentable for the day. I had taken to layering my clothing both to try and stay warm as it grew colder outside, and to distract people from what my actual size was so they wouldn't either notice the weight I couldn't lose or worry about the weight they seemed to think should be there.

I also spent a lot of time carefully styling my slowly thinning hair, and applying more makeup as my face grew more pale and drawn. I had noticed ever since Halloween that my complexion seemed to have taken on a slightly grey tone. I had hoped that the blood replenishing potion would make me look a bit more lively, but it hadn't done much other than to make me feel somewhat healthy again.

* * *

The week seemed to fly by and the next thing I knew it was Monday evening, and I was sitting in the entrance hall with Cedric at my side. There were plenty of students filtering past us into the great hall for supper, but none of them seemed interested in the new club. I wondered if maybe they were assuming that Cedric and I were just canoodling, so I transfigured a piece of parchment with Hogwarts Glee Club sign-up written on it into a banner and spelled it to hover over our heads.

Cedric and I sat there, but we didn't gather much interest. I tried convincing students to come over and at least talk to us about the club, but the only taker had been an eccentric Ravenclaw names Luna Lovegood. She seemed a bit odd, but she was very friendly. We talked for a while, and she said that she wasn't interested in organized dancing because it sounded awfully restricting, but that she would be interested in a singing group. I told her that I would get back to her after more feedback throughout the night. Cedric patiently waited with me until 10:00 when I gave up on any other students deciding to show up.

"So what do you think about a group that only deals with music?" I asked him as I turned my banner back into a simple piece of parchment and returned it to my bag.

"Well you are a very good singer," he said nicely. "Maybe it doesn't need the dance aspect."

"I guess," I sighed, frustrated that my plan was not working out at all. "But who wants to listen to a three person choir?"

"Well two really," he said quietly.

"You don't think Luna will join after all?" I asked, surprised.

"No, I think she will," he said softly, his eye watching me closely. "It's just that I can't sing Bianca. I was just here for support. I mean if you really want me to join I'll do it, but it would sound pretty awful"

"You would, even though you don't want to?" I asked him as he took my bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"Of course I would." Cedric said sincerely as he threaded his fingers through mine. "I would do anything for you Bianca. I love you."

I hadn't ever really thought about what expected it to be like the first time he said those words to me, but somehow standing together at the base of the marble staircase just holding hands seemed like the perfect way for it to happen. My heart welled up my chest at hearing it, and I thought I might actually cry out of sheer joy. Instead I leaned into him and snuggled my face against his chest.

"I love you too Cedric," I told him fervently. "So much."

"So do you want me to join with you then?" he asked with a crooked smile.

"Oh… no." I breathed, a smile of my own taking over my face. "That's okay. I think I might see if Luna is interested in just sort of jamming together. I wonder if she plays any instruments."

"That might be nice," he nodded, swinging our hands between us as we began walking up the stairs. "She's very eclectic, and I wouldn't be surprised if she plays several instruments."

Cedric walked me all the way up to the portrait of the fat lady, and I gave him a kiss goodnight before he turned to make his way back down to the Hufflepuff house. I was stifling girlish giggles as I ran through the common room and up to my dormitory. My heart started racing in my chest from the short exertion, but I ignored it. I had barely broken 98 pounds, and I refused to give in to the weaknesses my body was showing now. I threw my things on my bed and flopped down to write a letter to Luna with only a half asleep Hermione for company. It looked like she was trying to do reading for one of her classes, but she was well on her way to falling asleep with her book on her face.

I told Luna that there hadn't been enough interest to merit starting an actual club, but that I was glad for her interested. I asked if she would be interested in hanging out sometime and just playing music together and singing. I told her that I could play guitar and enjoyed writing my own songs. I asked if she played any instruments herself, and then I folded up the parchment and sealed it shut. I knew a charm that would make it appear outside the entrance to Ravenclaw but I didn't know one that would actually get inside.

I turned to ask Hermione but saw that she had in fact fallen asleep. I cast the spell to send the note to the entrance spot, and hoped that Luna would find it when she left in the morning. Then I went and very carefully took Hermione's book out of her hands, marked her page, and put it on her night stand. She was out like a light, so I pulled her bedspread over her and pulled her hangings shut. She probably wasn't very comfortable sleeping in her school clothes, but I didn't want to try and undress her.

* * *

The last week of term flew by. I got word back from Luna, I had known she'd find the note, and it said that she did in fact play an instrument. It was a Clabolin, which she had apparently invented. She had mounted a set of Clabbert horns on a boomerang shaped piece of wood, and strung seven strings between them, which she plucked to create music. She promised it made very beautiful music, and said she would bring it to our first session.

I opted to schedule it for the last day of term, but nearly forgot about it in my excitement for the confirmation of my holiday travel plans. Albus had finally given me permission to spend two weeks in Western America with Betsy and her family before returning to spend Christmas with him at the castle.

On the last day of term, I went to the student lounge on the second floor to meet with Luna. There were little lounges on each floor, but with each house having a common room, they weren't used very often. I thought would be a nice place to meet, and we would be less likely to be booted by a teacher for invading their classroom. If it were a little warmer we would have been able to meet outside, but the snowy grounds did not look remotely appealing to me.

Luna joined me shortly after I had taken a seat in the room. She asked if she could have a look at my guitar and willingly handed her Clabolin over for me to investigate. It looked like a pretty awesome little instrument if I were being completely awesome. I hardly noticed that Luna seemed to be more interested in trying to coax some invisible create out of the inside of my guitar as I plucked the strings of her Clabolin.

It sounded like a combination of a violin and a harpsichord to me. It had a vaguely Asian sound to it. I didn't think it would mesh incredibly well with my acoustic guitar, but it was certainly an interesting instrument. We played together, and to be honest it sounded dreadful, but we had fun none-the-less. After laughing, and I mean really laughing, for the first time in a very long time, we parted ways. I wished her a Happy Christmas, and went to pack the rest of my things for my departure in the morning.


	31. Chapter 31

_**Song for this chapter: Fix You by Coldpay**_

* * *

I woke up early, dressed, threw the very last of my things into my trunk, and pulled my trunk behind me as I left the dormitory. I saw a few other early risers getting ready to head down to the train, but I focused my attention on pulling my trunk out to the hallway. I tried to pretended it wasn't wearing me out, but I don't think my trunk had ever been quite so heavy. It wasn't until I reached the portrait hole that it occurred to me that I could just levitate the trunk. Feeling a bit sill I cast Wingardium Leviosa and kept my wand aloft to make the trunk follow me through the corridors and up to the headmasters' office. Albus had already arranged for me to use his floo instead of sending me on the train and having me board yet another plane.

I offered up spinach pastry as the password, and allowed the stairs to move me quickly up instead of walking, for what had to be the first time. I didn't want to admit how tired I was, but having to concede on some things to keep up appearances on others was becoming the rules I lived by. The door stood open waiting for me, so I didn't need to worry about knocking.

"Bianca," Albus said cheerfully as I walked into the office. "Are you quite excited for your trip?"

"Very much," I agreed easily. "It's been a long time since I've seen Betsy. I bet you would like her."

"Perhaps someday I will meet her," he said in a voice I was unable to read. "He parents however seem very lovely. They are having you floo directly into the house, so you shouldn't have to struggle through the weather upon arrival."

"Is the weather there bad?" I asked, curious since Betsy had not mentioned it in any of her letters.

"Today it is I guess," he explained. "I gave them a floo call to let them know I would be sending you through in a bit, and they informed me of the blizzards in Washington. It appears that they are actually a bit snowed in."

"Snowed in?" I asked, having never actually heard the phrase before. "What does that mean?"

"The roads to their house are blocked by snow," he explained. "But if they really need to go out, they will just melt the snow away with a heat spell. It's nothing to worry about sweetheart."

"Okay," I agreed, easily soothed by his confidence. "Well, I guess I will see you on the 15th or so."

"Yes," he agreed, giving me his patented twinkle eyed smile. "Have a very good trip."

"I love you," I whispered, giving him a tight hug before stepping over toward the fireplace.

"As I do you Bianca," he said just as softly as he helped me load my trunk into the grate with me, having already dropped the floo powder into the fire. "Just say the Swan Nest."

I did as he said, remember to grab the handle of my trunk at the last moment, and then I was spinning through the air. I closed my eyes without bothering to look at the other grate openings. I noticed that I seemed to be spinning forever, and it took a while to reason out that it must be the fact that I was travelling across the ocean. I then wondered why I was being allowed to enter the country without having to stop and register my entrance into the country. I was just settling on my guess that this trip was not official business, and thus would not be as high of a priority, when the spinning finally cam to a stop.

Embarrassingly I fell to my knees in the living room of the Swan residence. I stood up and started to dust myself off when I saw Betsy standing with two people who were clearly her parents. I could see how she had been given each of their features rather evenly.

"Bianca!" Betsy cheered, bounding in place. "You're finally here! These are my parents Chauncey and Rhian Swan."

"It's very nice to meet you," I said politely, making a mental note to just call them Mr. and Mrs. Swan. "You have a very beautiful home."

"You were right about her delightful accent," said Mrs. Swan. "You are the first British person I have ever met."

"Well I do hope I can make a good impression for my fellow Brits," I chuckled. "I am not technically supposed to use magic on my Christmas break, so I was wondering if I might impose upon you to do away with the soot for me."

"Oh sure," said Mr. Swan quickly, stepping forward to cast a quick scourgify on me. "Why don't I show you where you will be staying while you are here?"

I kept myself from protesting when he took my trunk for me. If I were being honest, he was making my life a bit easier by doing the heavy lifting for me. I followed him as he led me out of the living room an down a somewhat narrow hallway toward a room a the end. We passed a bright kitchen, and a set of stairs leading up to the rest of the house. He pushed open the door at the end of the hallway and led me into what I assumed was the guest bedroom. It was a nice room, painted blue, with gauzy white curtains hanging on the windows. The bed was done in white and blue and looked incredibly comfortable. I wondered vaguely if this was what the beds in Ravenclaw looked like as I took my robes off and hung them up on the rack by the door. I'd noticed that they were all wearing muggle clothing and wanted to fit in.

"There is a half bath through the door over here," he explained pointing to the wooden door in the corner of the room. "The full bathroom is upstairs by Betsy's room."

"Thank you Mr. Swan," I said quickly.

"Dad, we can give her the tour later," I heard Betsy calling from somewhere outside the room. "I want to show her my new Weird Sisters music."

"You've got their new album?" I called, turning back toward the living room. "It isn't even out in England yet!"

"It isn't technically out in America yet either," she whispered conspiratorially as she pulled me toward the stairs. "But I still managed to get ahold of a copy."

She led me to the second to last room in the hall, which had purple everywhere. I wondered if Betsy had been the one to decorate, because I was sure I remembered her telling me she loved the color green. There was a whicker rocking chair by the window, and a little desk covered in books and such in the corner. Her bed had several different shades of purple on it as well.

"My mom," Betsy groaned as an explanation. "She redecorated it as a surprise when I was away for a month. I didn't have the heart to reminder her that I don't like the color purple."

"Well it's kinda nice," I said softly as I sat down on the edge of her bed. "I'm sure she meant well."

"Oh yeah," Betsy agreed. "Okay, so I have an account with the wizard wireless now, where I can buy access to songs that I like, and then they are all loaded onto my channel. The password is color coding of course."

She set the little box to playing the music of the Weird Sisters, and I had to admit the new album was fantastic. She set it on her desk and then flopped across the bed so that she was sprawled out beside me. I took a page out of her book, kicked my shoes off and laid back on the bed as well.

"So you weren't kidding about them making you gain weight were you?" she asked quietly.

"No, I wasn't." I agreed, trying not to be offended by her pointing out my flaws. "I'm really struggling to get it back off."

"You don't actually look as bad as you said," she told me quickly. "You are what 94 pounds?"

"I wish, I am at 97," I groaned. "I'm so hungry all the time. I don't know what I am going to do to get my weight back down."

"Well you could try my way," she offered with a shrug.

"I don't want to shove my finger down my throat," I said a bit more harshly than I meant to.

"Oaky, okay," she sighed, putting her hands up I surrender. "but there is another option too. There is this muggle potion of sorts that I discovered when I went to one of their stores to get out of the cold while out running the other day."

"Muggle potion?" I asked with a quirked brow.

"Well it's a liquid that causes you to vomit, but it's made by muggles. That's the best think I could think of to call it," she explained. "It's called Ipecac."

"So it makes you sick?" I asked.

"Yeah I guess it's something you take if you have been poisoned," she explained. "Because clearly an actual antidote would be asking too much. But anyway, I tried it after a binge the other day. It got rid of everything, and I didn't have to strain that much. You could try it."

"I am starving…" I admitted before laughing. "Literally."

"Well my mom will end up making a big dinner tonight anyway," she said quickly, practically whispering. "So why not just try and enjoy the meal, stop being hungry for the first time in a while, and then get rid of it so you don't have to feel guilty?"

"Won't it ruin my teeth?" I whispered back.

"Well first off, it's not like my teeth are rotting out of my head," she said a bit tersely. "And secondly, one night of sickness is not going to destroy your teeth. Otherwise everyone with the stomach flu would have magical veneers already."

We abandoned that conversation, and instead spent the rest of the day getting caught up on what always seemed to get left out of our letters. She was still dating Eric, and it sounded they might be getting pretty serious. It wasn't until she started talking about things like engagement that I remember that she was already in her last year of schooling. She was small for her age, so she wasn't much larger than me, but she was almost four years older than me.

I talked to her about Cedric, and the problems I was having with Ron. I even talked to her about the Sirius Black obsession I had developed. She didn't have much more information to give me except that she had heard that the wizard he had murdered, Peter Pettigrew, was actually one of his close friends in the past. Though she had heard that from the rumor mill so she couldn't promise that it was a fact, it rang true with me. When the room had grown dark enough for us to light a lamp, we could smell food wafting upstairs.

"Girls, dinner will be ready in a couple minutes," Mrs. Swan called up the stairs. "Get washed up please."

I followed Betsy to the bathroom and we both quickly washed out hands and headed downstairs. I could smell a hearty meal even as we descended the stairs, and I tried to control the wave of nausea and longing that rolled through me. I seriously considered trying to find a way to sabotage the food so I wouldn't have to eat it, but when I saw how amazing the meatloaf and hash looked I resigned to using Betsy's plan after all.

"It smells delicious Mom," Betsy said as we sat down.

"Yea Mrs. Swan, it smells amazing," I agreed quickly.

Mrs. Swan began ladling food onto my plate and I was torn between panic at her portion sizes and relief that I wouldn't be forced to go through the ordeal of trying to convince myself to put food on my plate. Betsy reached covertly under the table and gave my left hand a squeeze, and I held on to her with a death grip. I was grateful that she was left handed, and if I needed to hold her hand through the whole meal just to get through it, it wouldn't draw any attention to us.

The meal was… delicious torture. Every bite felt like utter failure, but I could not deny how good it tasted. The meatloaf was juicy and flavorful. It would go straight to my thighs, but the hash was perfectly browned. I even managed to eat all of my peas, without hiding any of them around my plate, or on my person.

After the longest thirty minutes of my life, we helped to clear the table, before Mrs. Swan chased us off so she could do the dishes. I couldn't get back to Betsy's room fast enough. As soon as she had closed the door I threw myself onto the bed, and unbuttoned my pants to relieve the tightness a bit.

"Oh Merlin," I groaned. "I'm going to die."

"You won't die, you just need to get rid of it," Betsy said quietly, handing me a small brown bottle. "Only take one swig. It will take half an hour to kick in. Maybe grab a quick shower while you wait, and then head down to your bedroom. I will tell my parents that the time change is getting the best of you, and you decided to go to bed."

"Okay," I said in a surprisingly shaky voice.

"Don't flush the toilet every time you get sick." She explained. "I know that sounds disgusting, but if you flush all the time my parents will start to notice and come to see if you feel alright. You obviously won't feel alright, and they will try to give you something to stop the committing before you get it all out of you."

"Okay," I said again, trying to gather my courage. "Do you have a towel? I forgot to pack on with my shower things."

"Yeah, she chuckled. "There is a stack of towels above the toilet. Don't take too long in the shower, you don't want to start getting sick before you get back down to your room."

I nodded to her, took a quick swig of the nasty drink, and headed to the bathroom. I grabbed one of the towels off of the shelf above the toilet and set it on the counter near the shower. I turned the shower on, and was naked and climbing under the spray before it occurred to me that I hadn't grabbed my shower things. I hoped the Swans wouldn't get too upset with me for using a bit of their body soap and hair products just this once. I rushed through my routine, noticing that I almost immediately began to feel ill. I had barely dried off and gotten my clothes back on so I could get back down to the gues bedroom when the first was of sickness overtook me. I tossed up quite a bit of dinner, but I could tell I was going to get sick again very quickly. I cleaned up the mess I had made, and hurried down to the guest bedroom.

Luckily the stairs let out right by the door to my room so I didn't run into anyone. I closed the door behind me, and pulled my trunk open, grabbing my bag of shower things, and digging for my toothbrush. I hurried into the bathroom with the intention of brushing my teeth, but I was immediately ill once more.

* * *

I settled in for one of the longest nights of my life. I spent the entire night being ill, only finally falling asleep in the early morning hours. I fell asleep uneasily worried that I would be ill in the bed or something. Betsy showed up in my room sometime later and gently shook me awake.

"How are you feeling?" she whispered.

"Like I have been sick all night," I said in a slightly raspy voice.

"But do you feel light?" she asked with a mischievous smile.

"Yes," I admitted with a smirk. "Though I'm not sure I want to do that again anytime soon."

"Well I won't force you," she laughed. "You should get up though. It's almost noon and my parents are wondering about you."

"Oh, I don't want them to worry," I rushed, jumping out of bed, and throwing my arm out to try and catch myself when my head spun.

"Whoa there," Betsy said, grabbing my arm to keep me upright. "Take things slowly remember?"

"Right," I sighed, reminding myself of the rule I'd been trying to follow since the dizziness had first started months ago. "I have a difficult time admitting weakness."

"Don't we all?" Betsy laughed. "Get dressed in something warm. I want to take you over to meet my boyfriend and it's really cold outside."

She respectfully waited in the hall while I changed. I put on leggings, long socks, and a thermal shirt. Then I put on a pair of jeans and a cable knit sweater dress. I pulled on a pair of boots and grabbed my knee length black pea coat and walked out to meet Betsy who whistled at me.

"Well it's a good thing Eric likes his girls a little chunky or I would have to be worried about introducing him to you," she giggled as she linked her arm with mine and led me to the front door.

"A little chunky?" I chided. "I thought we were talking about your boyfriend. Or is he seeing someone on the side?"

"You slay me Bianca," she laughed. "But seriously, Eric has been dying to meet you, since I talk about you all the time."

I opted not to mention that Albus and Cedric were the only ones I had ever told about Betsy, and I didn't even talk about her much to them. I didn't want her to know that she was a bit of a dirty little secret for me. Honestly I was surprised that I wasn't the same thing for her. Sure we were good friends, but we shared a part of our lives that we couldn't share with anyone else. Didn't that make her want to keep me secret as well?

"So we can't drive my parents little Prius because of all the snow," Betsy explained. "But Eric is going to come over in his brother's jeep, and we will go show you some of the sights before coming back for dinner."

I tried to stifle a shudder at the idea of dinner, and stepped out onto the porch with Betsy. There was snow everywhere. I had seen a bunch of snow in Scotland, but this was ridiculous, everything was white, everywhere. Even the sky looked white as it rained down more and more snow. I couldn't imagine living in a place like this, but Betsy seemed to love it.

A monstrous red jeep roared out of the gloom and I could hardly imagine it hadn't been magically engorged somehow. Betsy pulled me off the porch with her, and we waded clumsily through the snow toward the jeep. A tall and lanky gentleman with bronze hair climbed out of the driver's side, and came over to us. When he got closer I saw his pale skin a bit more closely, and I wondered if he was entirely human or not, but I didn't say anything out loud.

"Eric, this is Bianca Potter," Betsy said as he got closer to us.

"Nice to meet you," he said with a smile that lit up his brilliant green eyes.

"It's very nice to meet you as well," I smiled, easily charmed by him. "I can see now what Betsy has been saying."

"All good things I hope," he chuckled.

He helped us traverse the rest of the distance to the jeep and pulled the door open for us. He gently grabbed Betsy under the arms and lifted her into the jeep. She slid to the center of the bench seat, and then he turned to look at me, clearly asking for permission before grabbing me. I wondered how much Betsy had told him about me, but I was glad that he hadn't simply gotten handsy with me.

I nodded that it was okay, and tried not to wince at the pressure on my ribs when he moved me. I could never understand with how much weight I was carrying on me, there never seemed to be enough padding over my bones. I head a sigh when he felt my size through my jacket, and I wondered if I had been too heavy for him. My embarrassment kept me from asking.

He drove us around town, and I saw the strange muggle school. I had gone to a muggle school before Hogwarts, but it had all been inside one building. At my confusion Eric explained that it was a college, so they had different buildings that housed different schools of study. He was explained the system for different degrees and it reminded me a bit of choosing your course of action from the third year on. I was surprised to find that the muggle students didn't choose a specialty until they were of age.

Eric showed us the wizarding houses that were nestled into little groves and what I assumed would be see as empty lots by the muggles. None of them really formed a wizarding village like Hogsmeade, but that could be an American thing. We toured a bit longer, and then went back for dinner at the Swan house. Eric stayed for dinner, and I thought he might be watching to see how much I was eating. I only ate a bit before I told them I was feeling a bit peaky and was going to go have a lie in. I gently closed the guest room door behind me, and set to work on crunches and lunges, trying to burn a few calories without breaking into a sweat in case one of the Swans came to check on me. I was just past 300 crunches when I heard people out in the hall. I sat still and I listened.

"Eric we should just stay in the living room or my parents will think we are up to something," Betsy whispered.

"I need to speak with you privately," he whispered back. "I think you mislead me about your friend."

"What do you mean?" Betsy whispered a little louder, seeming not to realize that they were standing right outside my door and I could obviously hear them.

"She clearly has an eating disorder. Even through all those layers of clothes I could feel her ribs," he chided. "She isn't good for you."

"That's not fair Eric," Betsy cried. "She's just sick."

"Yes, and she is going to encourage you to be sick again," he whispered yelled. "I can't go through that again Betsy."

'No Eric, she is really sick, not eating disorder sick." Betsy lied through her teeth. "She has cancer. Like she's dying, that's why she is so tired all the time. She doesn't like to talk about it."

"Oh," he gasped. "Oh my gosh. Should she have traveled in her state?"

"The floo isn't too hard on the body, it just gets your clothes dirty," Betsy said, clearly sounding relieved. "Let's just go back to the living room okay?"

He agreed and they left. I was left to ponder what I had just heard. Betsy was a much better liar than me, I never would have thought of something like that on the fly. Secondly, Eric was very observant. Was Cedric that observant, and just not as vocal? Or did he really have no idea what was going on? Could I lie to Cedric like that if he was vocal about it? I wasn't sure I could. I wasn't sure how I felt about Betsy telling people I was dying, but if it kept them out of my business I probably should complain about it.

* * *

Eric didn't visit much more while I was there. He would make a floo call each evening to talk to Betsy for a bit, but he didn't seem to want to come to the house too often while I was there. I seemed to be making him uncomfortable. Betsy's parents didn't seem to find me so uncomfortable, but I began to grow uncomfortable in the house. I started spending more and more time in my room if I wasn't in Betsy's room. I had taken to working out at every free moment, and when Betsy and I weight ourselves I saw to my amazement I had managed to get all the way down to 89 pounds.

"How do you do that?" she groaned, refusing to let me see what scale said her weight was. "I've barely eaten anything the entire time you've been here, and I have only lost a pound. Meanwhile you've nearly lost ten."

"I've been working out when I hide in my room," I admitted just a tad guiltily.

"Why can't I work out with you?" she whined.

"You can, I just wanted to give you space to be with Eric if he decided to actually come over." I said quietly.

"I don't think he will visit again until just before the Holiday," she explained. "He's a bit busy with his family."

"Oh, okay," I said, opting to pretend that wasn't a lie. "Well I'm only here for a couple more days, but I could teach you my work out if you want."

"That sounds great," she gushed excitedly. "We should make sure to eat a good dinner tonight though, my mom is starting to get suspicious."

"Alright, but I might take you up on that potion again," I whispered, already dreading how much food her mom would serve.

* * *

The next 48 hours were intense. We ended up eating every meal with her parents, and their watchful eyes made sure that we finished our plates. I had taken a page out of Betsy's book, and I began getting rid of very meal immediately, but then I was following it up with lots of exercise to make sure I didn't leave any calories behind to turn into fat. I noticed that Betsy seemed to have difficulty keeping up with me in the workouts, and I recommended that we tray and slow it down a bit, but she was stubborn and said no and pushed on. In the middle of the afternoon on the day I was supposed to depart, she wanted to work out again, but I told her I wanted to pass. I went to weigh myself one last time, and saw that I had managed to shed another of the stubborn pounds that were now so slow to disappear.

I was holding in my celebration because I knew it would upset Betsy. So instead I just had a simple smile on my face as I walked down the stairs. It froze on my face when I saw Betsy and immediately knew that something was wrong. She was leaning against the wall in the downstairs hallway clutching her chest. I rushed down the stairs toward her.

"Betsy," I cried out, terribly afraid. "Betsy, are you okay?"

"Bianca," she groaned, sounding as afraid as I was. "My heart… it's hurting. It feels like something is ripping."

"In your heart?" I gasped. "Let me go get your parents. They will know what to do."

"They aren't home," she shuddered. "I think I will have to go the muggle route."

"The muggle route?" I asked in confusion.

"Yeah, calling 9-1-1," she said breathily. "they'll send an ambulance to get me. They'll fix it."

"Muggle medicine…" I hesitated. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"There's not a lot of time to worry if it's a good idea or not," she sighed, sliding down the wall until she was seated on the floor. "At the end of the block there is a phone. Dial 9-1-1, and give them this address. They will come."

"Okay, I'll be right back." I called over my shoulder as I ran for the door.

I ran out into the snow without a coat or shoes, but I couldn't even feel the cold. I looked around trying to find the phone, and I spotted a blue and silver booth at the end of the street. I started running towards it, recognizing it as one of the phone booths I had seen at the airport last summer.

I could feel my own heart working over-time in my chest as I pushed myself through the deep snow to the phone. Once I finally got to the phone I realized that I had no money to make a call. I was about to slam the phone back on the receiver in frustration when a bolt of blue light shot from my hand and hit the phone right on the dial pad. I wasn't sure what kind of magic I had just done, but I had a feeling the phone might let me call now. I dialed 9-1-1 and I heard the ring when my call went through.

I instructed the calm female voice as best I could in my panic. I told her the address, and what seemed to be happening to Betsy. She asked me to stay on the line until the ambulance arrived, and I agreed while trying not to think about my bare feet buried in the snow. She asked me to check on Betsy again, and I had to explain to her that the Swans didn't have a phone in the house, and I had to run to the end of the block to call her, so Betsy was by herself in the house. She gave me permission to get off the phone with the instruction to try and keep Betsy calm until the ambulance arrived.

I threw the phone back on the receiver and dragged myself back to the house ignoring the fact that my clothes had been soaked through by the snow and my whole body seemed to be shaking. I slid across the wooden floor due to the water I was dripping, and dropped down onto my hands and knees before her. I took her hand in mine and I noticed that it seemed to be even colder than mine.

"Betsy the ambulance is on the way. It's going to be fine," I said softly, hoping to keep her calm.

"I want my mom," she cried, but her voice was so soft I barely heard her.

"I don't know where she is. I'm sorry," I said as calmly as I could manage in my renewed panic.

"I…I…" she trailed off and her eyes closed.

"Betsy," I asked, shaking her and trying to get her to open her eyes again.

There was no answer.

"Betsy, wake up," I shouted, shaking her a bit more vigorously.

Her body was completely limp, and she did not resist my shaking at all. I place my fingers against her throat trying to find a pulse. I didn't feel anything, but I was praying that I was just doing it wrong. I went back to hold her hand tightly in mine and I waited.

Soon I could hear sirens approaching, and I assumed that would be the ambulance coming. I stayed with her and waited for them to come into the house. I had left the door open, so I could see when they pulled up to the house. Two men jumped out, once of them carrying a bad and the other carrying an orange stretcher. They both sprinted into the house.

I sat there holding Betsy's hand trying to understand the questions they were asking me. It sounded like their voices were coming to me through a long tunnel, and they kept using words that I didn't understand. I just shook my head in confusion. They pushed me as gently as they could out of the way, and they began assessing Betsy themselves.

I was watching them try to work on her numbly when I saw her parents walk through the front door. I saw them watching in horror as the two men ripped open Betsy's shirt and attached wires and patches to her exposed chest. The wires led into a white box that they were focused on. The man gathered some sort of information from the long high-pitched sound that was coming from the bow. He said clear, and pushed two paddles against her chest. They made a loud sound and caused her body to jerk up off the floor for a moment and then slump back down. The machine resumed its high-pitched sound and the man said clear again. He did the same thing, and I wondered if these muggles were just torturing Betsy.

After he had done whatever it was he was doing four times, he detached the machine from Betsy. He pulled her shirt closed to cover her back up while his partner loaded their things back into his bag. They looked between me and Betsy's crying parents in the doorway and made a decision. They went over to speak with her parents, and I just kept staring at Betsy's unmoving body. I head them explaining that an emergency call came in for them. They responded and found Betsy here. Her heart was not beating when they arrived, and they tried everything they could to get it beating again, but they were unable to bring Betsy back. I just kept staring at her terribly still body wishing that I was asleep, that she was just asleep. The offered to take the body in for an autopsy to try and discover what had killed their daughter. I heard the Swans agree and I watched in horror as the two men took Betsy's body away. I sat frozen against the wall wishing I could get my body to move and try and stop them, but I couldn't.

Mrs. Swan followed the men as they carried Betsy away on the stretcher, and climbed into the back of the ambulance with her daughter. Mr. Swan stayed at the house with me, but he did not immediately move over to me. I sat by myself staring at where she had been, and it took me awhile to realize that the reason my vision was so blurry was because of how hard I was shaking. I reached up to my face, and I was surprised to feel that it was completely dry. I didn't understand why I wasn't crying when it felt as if I should be sobbing uncontrollably.

Mr. Swan crossed over to me, and knelt down in front of me. I could see that his lips were moving, but I didn't hear any sound. He reached out and touched my arm, but I could barely feel it. He seemed to realized that I was completely unaware of him and he disappeared again. He came back and wrapped the blanket from the back of their couch awkwardly around my shoulders and then he disappeared again.

He was gone for a while after that. When he came back a third time he had someone with him. I forced my eyes to focus on his companion and I saw that it was Albus. He walked swiftly to me, and pulled me up off the floor and into his arms. I immediately felt warmer, and I tucked my face into his beard. I heard a rumbling and tried to focus in on it, and that was when I realized he was speaking.

"Where are her things," Albus asked in a kind but firm voice.

"Through here, in the guest room," Mr. Swan explained in a shaky quiet voice. "I will grab them."

He walked quickly past us, and returned with my trunk. I had already packed earlier in the day, preparing to go home soon. He set the trunk in front of Albus, and with a quick wave of Albus's wand my trunk disappeared.

"I'm very sorry for your loss Chauncey," Albus said softly. "I must take Bianca home now though. She does not seem to be well."

I didn't hear his response. Albus turned on the spot and I felt the immense pressure that I knew meant we were apparating. I wondered vaguely how he was going to apparate into the castle, but sleep sounded much more appealing that learning the answer. I let my eyes drift shut, but it seemed just a second later I was being shaken awake once more.

"Bianca you can't go to sleep just yet," Albus told me firmly. "You appear to be in show, and possibly slipping into hypothermia. I need to get you dried off and warmed up, but you have to stay awake while I take care of that."

I nodded and focused on doing what he had told me. I registered in a distant way that he was casting spells on me, but I wasn't sure which ones they were. He dried my clothes, and cast some sort of spell that made me feel considerably warmer. He still seemed worried about my well-being though because he picked me back up and hurried off from wherever we were to somewhere else.

I knew where I was when he stopped. After so many visits I could clearly recognize the ceiling of the hospital wing. He sent me down gently on a bed, and then I saw that Madam Pomfrey was standing by me as well.

"I have tried to warm her, but she still feels very cold to the touch," he explained. "I've been trying to keep her awake, but the shock is making her very tired."

"I think we can give her a pepper up potions and wrap her up in several blankets," Madam Pomfrey answered. "It's probably alright if we let her sleep though. She doesn't seem to be in any immediate danger. What exactly happened?"

"It appears that her good friend went into cardiac arrest. There was no help to be found, so Bianca ran in what she is wearing to the end of the block through several feet of snow to call for muggle medical assistance." I heard him explaining as my eyes drifted closed again. "She watched her friend die today."


	32. Chapter 32

_**Song for this chapter: Cough Syrup by Young the Giant**_

* * *

I woke up after an indeterminable amount of time, but the ward seemed to be deserted around me. I looked around and saw that it was dark outside, but there will still burning lanterns on the ward, so it wasn't late enough for patients to be expected to be asleep for the night. I sat up looking around for either Albus or Madam Pomfrey but I did not see a trace of either of them.

"Hello?" I called out.

I did not get an answer, and I took that as permission to leave. I climbed out of bed, and immediately noticed that I was still wearing the shorts and tank top I had run through the snow in. That decided it for me, my first stop would have to be up in Gryffindor tower.

I hurried through the halls, though it wasn't strictly necessary since they were deserted. It wasn't until I reached Sit Cadogan that I realized I did not have this week's password, and he was not going to let me into the tower. I was just about ready to give up hope when I spotted Hermione coming up the corridor with a stack of books in hand.

"Oy, Hermione, do you know the new password?" I called to her.

"Yeah," she called in a muffled voice while using her chin to hold her books in place. "It's Billywig."

I supplied the password and Sir Cadogan swung open for me. I waited in the doorway so I could pull the portrait closed behind Hermione. Once she was inside I closed it and rushed off to our dormitory. I saw Hermione take over a table and go back to studying out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't stop to ask why she was studying during the holiday. I just wanted to get out of this outfit that felt so tainted.

I was relieved to see that my trunk had indeed been sent on ahead of me and was waiting at the foot of my bed. I rummaged through it, and found a pair of leggings and a thermal shirt to throw on. I then layered on a pair of thick sweat pants and a loose Gryffindor sweater. I pulled on a thick pair of woolen socks, and when I finally felt warm, I grabbed a random book from my collection and walked back down to the common room. I sat in the armchair closest to the fire and opened the book.

I sat there, just staring at the book. It was like I was trying to read runes, but this was not one of my runes books. I was looking at the book, but I was seeing Betsy. How could this have happened to her? She wasn't even underweight. I mean she had been thin of course, but her weight was still above 100 pounds, she shouldn't have gone into heart failure. It just didn't make any sense to me.

I tried to focus on reading, to try and pull myself out of the troubling thoughts, but I still couldn't read. The page was swimming before my eyes, and it took me a moment to understand that I was crying. The tears were silent, so they caught me by surprise. Even more of a surprise was when I reached up to wipe the tears away, and Ron caught my hand and held on tightly to it.

"Hey, hey what's going on?" he asked me quietly. "You never cry. What has you crying now?"

"Wh-what do y-you care?" I sobbed, trying to jerk my hand free.

"I care," he said in a calm and subdued voice as he continued to hold onto my hand despite my protests. "You know I care."

"N-no you don't," I sobbed, scrubbing at my eyes with my other hand. "You h-hate me. Y-you're always mad at me."

"I just get frustrated sometimes," he whispered. "It's because I care. Please tell me what's going on Bianca."

"My f-friend di-ed," I choked out before my tears escalated further. "I t-t-think it was m-m-my fault."

"What?" Ron gasped, pulling me out of the chair and into his arms on the floor, my book falling onto the ground forgotten beside us. "Who died?"

"Betsy," I sobbed into his sweater.

"The American girl you went to visit?" he asked quietly, still holding me close in a surprising show of tenderness.

"Y-yeah," I hiccupped. "She was sick. I think I made it worse."

"You couldn't have made her sicker," Ron soothed, rubbing the back of my head softly. "Shhh, shhh."

"Hey… uh Ron, what's going on?" I heard Harry ask delicately.

"Bianca's friend passed away," he whispered, perhaps thinking I wouldn't hear him that way. "I'm trying to comfort her."

There was a long pause, where it seemed a lot of things were left unsaid. Questions about who my friend was. Questions about why Ron was suddenly being nice to me. Questions about how I had gotten here, and if I was going to be okay. Instead Harry sat down next to us and took my hand from where it was hanging limply at my side and he just held it. A few seconds later someone was holding my other hand, and I didn't know who it was until she started humming. I could hardly focus, but I recognized it as an old muggle song that one of the girls at the orphanage used to hum to anyone who had been beaten in order to calm them. I just sobbed hard when I tried to thank Hermione for knowing just the right thing to do.

I don't know how long we sat there like that with me halfway in Ron's laps pressing my face into his chest as Harry and Hermione held my hands, but eventually the tears stopped. When I had relaxed into Ron a bit further I was able to notice that he was gently rocking me. I let him rock me a bit longer as I tried to piece myself back together. When I felt like I might be under control once more, I squeezed both of the hands that were holding mine and I sat up.

"Thank you," I said in a gruff voice. "I can't explain how much that meant to me. I'm very tired though. I think I should go to bed."

"Would you sleep with me tonight?" Harry asked timidly, as if sure my answer would be no. "I'd like to look after you, and I can't come into the girls' dormitory."

I just nodded tiredly and let him lead me away. I felt hazy as I walked blindly behind him. He pulled back the blankets and I climbed in without complaint. Harry covered me up and tucked the blankets tightly around me before climbing into the bed and lying on top of the blankets. I fell asleep like that with the hangings open and Harry holding onto me as if I might float away if he let go for a second.

* * *

I slept late, and when I woke up it was past lunchtime, but I didn't care that I had missed two meal for the day. Harry was still lying beside me with his arm draped over me reading a book that was propped up in front of me. For a moment I just watched the Quidditch players in his book flying around, but then I attempted to stretch the stiffness out of my limbs and it alerted him to my being awake.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me softly as I rolled over so I could see his face.

"I'm cold," I admitted in my still hoarse voice.

"Hold that thought," he said, jumping out of bed and rummaging through his trunk before coming up with another sweater. "You're so small. I think this one will fit over the one you're wearing."

When my movements were sluggish Harry ever so patiently pulled the sweater on for me. I felt like I was broken somehow, but he didn't at all bothered by the idea of taking care of me. As soon as the sweater was on he just pulled me into a tight hug and just held me while I fought off another round of tears.

"You can cry if you want," he whispered to me and he kept up constant pressure with his tight hug. "I won't tell."

"I miss her already," I admitted in a croak, huffing against his chest in an effort to stop the flood of emotion that wanted to burst from my chest.

"I know," he said soothingly, just holding me and being the warm presence I so desperately needed. "I know."

I stayed with Harry like that for a long time, and eventually I did lose my battle with the tears. He remained just as constant while I cried myself out once more. He wiped my tears away and muttered complete nonsense to sooth me. Eventually I was able to pull myself back together and I told him I should go take a shower. He let me take his sweater with me as I left the boys' dormitory.

I didn't go to the shower though. I climbed down into my secret room and I climbed aboard my elliptical. I pushed myself for an hour until I was drenched in sweat due mostly to the many layers I was wearing. Then I finally went to take a shower.

When I headed back down to the common room I sat on the floor hugging a throw pillow to my chest, and I watched Harry and Ron play wizards chess. None of us talked much, but it was comfortable. After a while it was time to go down for supper, so I followed slowly behind the trio. I ate a bit of the vegetables that were severed but I wasn't really hungry.

I was still struggling with my size, but this lack of hunger was different. It was like I couldn't find a point in even trying to eat anymore. I felt an emptiness that would not be filled with food. Hermione, ever the mother hen, tried to convince me to eat more, but I just couldn't do it. She gave me a sad smile, but she didn't push it.

* * *

My days continued on like that. I wandered blindly through my life until I stumbled right into Christmas. When Hermione woke me up Christmas morning to open presents I found myself glad that I had shopped ahead of time or no one would have gotten anything from me this year. She encouraged me to open presents, and I humored her, though I didn't feel like I deserved any gifts this year.

Mrs. Weasley had given me a bright blue sweater. Hermione had given me a book about wand woods. Harry had given me a bag of assorted Honey Dukes candies, and I made a mental not to find out how he had even gotten them. Ron had gotten me a wand polishing kit. Cedric had given me a silver link bracelet. I opened the gift from Albus last and saw that he had gotten me a very nice golden locket, and that he had put a picture of my parents inside of it. I had to fight off tears again as I put it on. I thanked Hermione for her gift, and we decided to go see if the boys had liked their gifts.

When we descended the stairs we saw that the boys were already in the common room, rhapsodizing about Harry's gift. It looked like someone had gotten him a Firebolt. I could understand his excitement, but I could also understand Hermione's concern that someone might have tampered with it. The fight over it only stopped with the suggestion that we all go down for the big Christmas meal. I immediately began to feel my panic rise at the thought of how much food there would be down there, but I tried to keep it under control.

I pulled Mrs. Weasley's sweater tighter around me, and I followed the three of them down stairs. The boys were still excited about the broom, but Hermione looked very nervous. I tuned them out, and started trying to figure out ways I could hide food. I hadn't worn anything with pockets, and everyone would be sitting at the same table so it was going to be more difficult.

We arrived at the great hall before I had come to any sort of conclusion. Albus asked me to sit next to him, and I couldn't' decide if it was because he wanted to be close to me on the holiday, or if he wanted to be able to watch what I was eating. We pulled a couple crackers together, and he donned a silly bonnet after it came out. I played with the little animated knight I had gotten out of one, while everyone else ate the salad that had appeared on our plates. When I saw that I was being watched I ate a couple of bites of my salad, and then went back to trying to convince the knight to eat it instead. He would not eat, but seemed to find the big green leaves amusing to stab with his little sword.

When the main course appeared, I wanted to leave the table. It was all heavy food covered in sauces and grease. I wanted to flee the room just looking at it, but I knew I would have to try and eat some of it. I tried to strain most of the sauce off as I ladled it onto my plate. I took my napkin and pressed it into the pasta trying to get some of the grease off as well. I could see that Albus was watching me, but I couldn't stop myself. There were probably a thousand calories in just this one serving. I was in the process of cutting the noodles into little pieces when Albus grabbed my hand.

"Bianca, the meal has ended. You don't have to torture the pasta anymore." He said in a stiff voice, gesturing to how we were the only ones left in the great hall. "I think we need to talk about what is going on here."

"There isn't anything going on," I said defensively, my heart rate spiking up at the idea of being caught. "The pasta was poorly made."

"I think that would hurt the house elves feelings," he said firmly. "I found the paste to be very good. I think there is a different reason for what just happened here tonight."

"I don't know what you are talking about," I yelled at him, jumping out of my seat. "The only explanation for tonight is that the pasta was bad."

"We both know that isn't true," he said in a calm voice that was obviously forced. "It's okay to admit that you have a problem.

"I don't have a problem," I gasped, my breath coming in quick gasps all of a sudden. "I am fine."

"Bianca, calm down, we can talk rationally about this," he said quietly. "It's not too late to work on the problem. You still have time."

"I don't have a problem," I whisper yelled when I did not have enough air. I began throwing things off of the table to channel the emotions roiling within me. "You are crazy. You don't know what you are talking about!"

"If you want to be made at me, that's okay. But it won't change what's going on here," he said softly. "I can't stand by and let you hurt yourself any longer."

"I am not hurting myself," I whispered, struggling to catch my breath, but struggling desperately to hide that fact.

"Bianca, you are hurting yourself." He said quietly. "Your weight has gotten far too low. You are killing yourself. Is that what this is about? Do you want to die?"

"No," I sighed. "No."

I slumped into my chair and tried to calm myself. I could see my defeat, but it was like my body was not listening to me. My heart was racing, and my lungs ere straining to try and get air into them. I just kept feeling more and more dizzy. I felt Albus's around me, and it took far too long for my mind to realize that he had pulled me out of my chair and was carrying my nonresponsive body up to the hospital wing.

I focused on his mouth, trying to copy his breathing like I had done with Cedric at the beginning of the year. It seemed much harder this time around, but I kept trying throughout the trip through the castle and being laid down on a bed in the ward. It occurred to me that I must be hyperventilating again, but the rationalization did not bring relief.

Madam Pomfrey came bustling over to us with her arsenal of potions once again. She parked the rolling cart next to the bed, and quickly assessed the situation. She nodded her head succinctly and quickly turned back to the cart to grab one of the potions.

"Albus, sit her up and tilt her head back," she instructed calmly, still facing away from us. "We don't want her to choke before the calming draught can help get things under control and let us find out what is really going on."

Albus did as she said, and she tipped the potion down my throat nearly gagging me. I managed to swallow it through my gasps. When she was sure that I wasn't going to choke she nodded and Albus reclined me into a supine position once more. I felt a strange fog overtake my mind, and my breathing began to regulate on it's own.

"Alright now Bianca focus on our breathing and try to match it,: she instructed. "In and out. Nice and slow."

I focused on her, but my body seemed to be following her instructions of it's own accord. My lungs moved easier, and I began to calm. When I was breathing evenly she started her evaluation. I just kept watching Albus's chest move and matched my breaths to his. I paid no mind to the spells she was casting on me. Whatever the results were they gave her some sort of result that sent her back to her cart of potions.

"Okay, we have a few issues going on here," she said as she started pouring potions into those damnable pewter cups. "Your electrolytes are completely imbalanced, you are dehydrated, your heart muscle is beginning to weak, and it is spasming which would explain the palpation you've been feeling."

She gave me a knowing look that said I should have told her about those a long time ago. She handed me the first potion with a nod before turning back to the table. I sat up and took the potion in between two deep breaths.

"The vomiting stops today," she said somewhat harshly. "I want you to get on a scale when we get all of these potions in you, but I am going to venture a guess that you are about twenty pounds underweight. At the very lowest a girl of your height should weigh 105 pounds."

"I-I," I stammered.

"No, no lies right now," she said softly, but firmly as she handed me another potion. "You are very sick right now, and a good portion of that is in your head Bianca."

"105?" I asked sadly not bothering to hide how I felt about that, before taking the potion she had pushed into my hand.

"Yes 105. I would prefer 110 or 115 if I am being completely honest." She said as she provided me with a third potion. "Doing this to your body could kill you. Do you understand that this is what killed your friend Betsy? Do you want the people who love you to feel how you are feeling right now having lost her?"

"No," I whispered taking yet another potion.

"I am going to have Professor Snape brew the last potion, as I rarely keep it in stock," she said as she put her hand out to help me out of bed. "It will give you added nutrients and help with weight gain. Don't groan, you need to gain weight."

She conjured a scale and motions for me to step on. I did as I was told, and I saw the dial spin over to 82 pounds. The joy I would have normally felt was smothered by the guilt I felt when I thought of hurting my loved ones the way Betsy had hurt me. The gasp from Albus where he stood behind me was worse. He was rarely ever shocked.

"Sit please," she said quietly. "At 82 pounds your weight is even lower than the weight that would throw up red flags for a girl that is five foot three."

"How did I miss how bad it had gotten?" Albus asked, sitting down on the bed across from me.

"It's a frequent occurrence in the case of eating disorders," Madam Pomfrey said sadly. "The sufferers are always so determined to hide everything. That's why we have to start changing things. There can't be any more secrets. Bianca do you understand that?"

"Yes," I whispered while staring down at my feet guiltily.

"Do you have any secrets to tell us?" Albus asked quietly, and I could feel his eyes x-raying me and I only even considered telling the truth.

"My trunk has a hidden room in it. I sneak in there to do extra exercises on the elliptical I put in there. I bought that in America as well." I told him in a rush. "I have taken several doses of something called Ipecac to make me vomit up my meals. I've been wearing several layers of clothes to hide my size as well as to keep myself warm."

"Is that everything?" Madam Pomfrey asked quietly.

"I think so," I breathed. "The rest is kind of obvious. I haven't been eating. I hide food to make it look like I had been."

"Have you had any other medical side effects?" she prodded.

"I tend to be dizzy and on the verge of passing out all the time," I answered honestly. "I have trouble focusing, and I am getting weak. My hair is falling out. I'm always cold. Sometimes my heart stutters in my chest."

"I'm surprised at your honesty," Albus said bluntly. "I expected more lies. I'm sorry to admit that, but I did."

"As did I," said Madam Pomfrey. "That is why one of the potions I gave her also had veritaserum in it. We need to know the entire story, so I do not apologize for doing it."

"I'm not mad at you," I sighed. "Ever since Betsy died I've been feeling like I killed her, and that I am slowly killing myself."

"You didn't kill Betsy, she made her own choices," Albus said softly, shifting over to my bed so he could pull me into his arms. "But you are killing yourself, and I can't stand idly by anymore."

"Here is what is going to happen now Bianca. You are going to stay here for the rest of break, and pending the progress we will decide if you can be released at the start of term," Madam Pomfrey explained. "You will have three square meals a day, which will be supervised, and with which you will have two beverages. You will have an afternoon snack. You will not be allowed to exercise at all. You will begin having therapy session with Professor Flitwick. I will let you return to classes when you reach 95 pounds, but there will be no talk of any sort of exercise until you have reached 105 pounds."

"How often will I have to go to therapy?" I asked as I slumped dejectedly into Albus.

"At first you will meet with him every day," she said. "As you get better we will start to spread it out a bit until hopefully you won't need it anymore."

"What if I can't do this?" I croaked, feeling tears begin to burn at the corners of my eyes.

"You can," Albus assured me, rubbing my shoulder soothingly. "All of us will be here to support you."


	33. Chapter 33

_**Song for this chapter: Glycerien by Bush**_

* * *

The first week was the hardest for me. It felt as if the food was going to smother me. Of course that was if Flitwick didn't smother me first. He was aggressive in getting me to talk to him. He didn't use a truth serum, but he expected absolute honesty. It was hard for me to be so honest about such private things, but I was committed to trying to get better.

* * *

Harry was the first to come visit me. He sat nervously on the foot of my bed waiting for me to explain to him what was going on, and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do it. I knew it was important to my therapy to be honest with him, but I was still hesitant to admit my weakness to him. I twisted my fingers awkwardly in the fuzzy robe I was wearing and did my best not to meet his gaze.

"Madam Pomfrey said you weren't going to be coming back up to Gryffindor tower for a long time," he said carefully, seeming not to want to come out and just ask me what was going on.

"I can't leave until I hit a certain weight," I admitted quietly. "It's going to take a while to get there I think."

"I noticed that you got very skinny," he said very carefully. "I thought that you were sick."

"I am… sort of," I sighed. "I have an eating disorder. So I'm here, trying to get better."

"So you did this intentionally?" he asked me quietly.

"Yes," I whispered, yet another wave of guilt washing over me.

He was quiet for a long time, and I saw many different emotions flickering across his face. I waited quietly for him to say whatever it is he was going to say about that. I didn't know if he would yell or maybe even just leave. I wasn't prepared for him to remove his glasses and wipe away a tear.

"Have you always hated yourself?" he asked me quietly, still trying to stop his own tears. "Or did that start after what Draco did to you?"

Flitwick and I had talked about how that incident might have been the root of my poor self-image, but I hadn't really connected with it. I hadn't even connected with the idea of hating myself really. Not until Harry said the words, and then suddenly it felt as if the very idea of my own hatred had ripped through me. I burst into great wracking sobs, and I was unable to answer his question. He didn't seem to care though, he just held me while I cried.

* * *

Ron came to visit me next, and he was a bit awkward to be around. He seemed on edge, and couldn't seem to find a comfortable way to sit in the chair beside my bed. He had the misfortune of showing up right after a therapy session with Flitwick while I was still a soppy snotty mess.

"You could probably convince people you only have a bad case of the flu," he shrugged. "I mean right now anyway."

"Part of my treatment plan is about being honest," I sighed as I dabbed at my eyes with a tissue trying to bring the last of my tears completely under control.

"I have to be honest, I don't understand any of this," he shrugged awkwardly. "I don't understand why anyone would do something so awful to themselves."

"I'm not sure I understand it either," I admitted.

And now that I was starting to see myself a bit more like everyone else was, I really didn't understand it. Flitwick and I would have to keep working on the self-hate, but I was already getting to a point where I could admit that how I looked now was not at all healthy or even desirable.

* * *

Hermione's visit was the most restful. She didn't mention the elephant in the room at all, but she managed to keep it from feeling like a secret or a problem. She simply acted as if I were just myself, and that we were friends. Both of which were still true even if I was confined to the hospital wing for an unknown period of time.

She talked to me about the boys refusing to talk to her because of her actions in relation to the Firebolt. She talked to me about her studies. She talked to me about a project she was working on for Hagrid that I didn't completely follow, though that could have been because of how late in the evening she was visiting me. And when she had talked herself out, she fell asleep right there beside me on the bed, and she looked so terribly warn out that I didn't have the heart to wake her. So instead I just settled in beside her and hoped that Madam Pomfrey wouldn't wake us to kick her out.

* * *

By the end of the first week I was asked to step on the scale once more and I saw that I had reached 87 pounds. Albus, Madam Pomfrey, and Flitwick were there for support, and I tried to be strong for them, but I couldn't help it. A bigger number meant better health, but it still felt like a failure somehow. I felt helpless sitting on the ground beside the scale crying my heart out.

* * *

On my second week in the hospital wing students began arriving back at the castle. Hermione told me that people were asking about me, and I asked that she not tell them the truth. I hoped it wouldn't be seen as a continuation of the lying. I was just too embarrassed to have everyone know all the intimate details of my life. Frankly they knew too much already.

Cedric arrive back at the castle on the second and he came to see me right away. For a while he just crushed me against his chest, holding me tightly as if he thought I might disappear if I were not in his arms. When he had assuaged his fear he was finally ready to talk.

"I'm proud of you for getting help," he said as he shifted himself down to the foot of the bed, and sat cross legged facing me.

"I would be prouder of myself if I had done it on my own," I shrugged. "I was basically forced into it after having a panic attack over a plate of pasta."

"Still, you're applying yourself to the treatment, that's important," he continued, not letting me sink into self-deprecating thoughts. "I didn't know if you would ever get to this point. I was afraid."

"You never said anything," I whispered, fiddling with a loose thread on my sock, but maintaining eye contact. "I didn't think you realized there was anything going on."

"How could I not?" he whispered back, his face stricken. "I hug you every day. Any chance I get I'm touching you. It would have been impossible not to notice you shrinking smaller and smaller. But I couldn't confront you on it."

"I'm not saying I would have taken it well, but why couldn't you?" I asked him. "I mean, I was lying to you just like I was everyone else. That was the trigger for you breaking up with me before. I'm not actually sure why you aren't breaking up with me now."

"Because I love you," he said simply, like it was an indisputable fact. "I don't like that you lied to me. I don't like that you're sick. I don't like how afraid I am of losing you because of it. But I love you. I love you more than I can put into words."

"I don't want to lie to you anymore," I said in a wobbly voice, embarrassed by the fact that I was going to cry again. "I love you, and that means being honest from here on out. I'm going to try my hardest to never do it again."

"That's all I can ask of you," he said with a soft smile. "Come here."

It seemed to be turning into some sort of routine for me to end up crying in someone's arms, and yet it was different with Cedric. His hold had just as much love as that of Albus or Harry, but there was a different kind of tenderness in it. He held me like a lover, and it was more soothing than I could describe. He cradled me to him and pepper my face with kisses until my tears started to slow once more

* * *

In the end once a week Cedric would join me for a session with Flitwick. We were still very much in love, but the foundation of our relationship had been damaged by my illness and it needed to be rebuilt. I was thankful that he was willing to put in the work with me. And it gave me even more motivation to get better.

The students returned to classes, but at the end of the second week I had only made it up to 92 pounds, and I was not allowed to go with them. Cedric diligently collected my work for me, and he would sit with me in the evenings to help me stay caught up. He made sure that I was able to understand everything that was being thrown at me, and he was quite good at it. I was surprised to see how much this whole ordeal was bringing us closer together when I had been sure it would destroy us.

My relationships with everyone I loved got better, and after a while I realized that it was because I was being honest with everyone again, and letting them be there for me. By the end of the third week I had come to realize that there were a lot of things I just hadn't been dealing with, and I had funneled all of those feelings into my eating disorder. WE spent hours talking about the abuse in my childhood. We talked endlessly about the rape, and the loss of the child that came from it. We talked about how my part in the death of Quirrell had eaten at me, and we talked about how my encounter with Sirius Black continued to eat away at the back of my mind.

Mostly I talked with Flitwick, but quite frequently I talked about the same topics with Albus. Partially it was because I was returning to a place where I felt like I could talk to him about anything, and partially because the pair of us had agreed to spend an hour each night just sharing a secret with the other. He would tell me one thing I did not yet know about him and I would do the same. It was always right before bed, while I was suffering through the potion Professor Snape had brewed for me that had to be consumed slowly. He had done me the favor of flavoring it, so I was able to at least pretend that it was just a chocolate milkshake.

"Do you want to go first tonight?" Albus asked as he handed over the mug of potion and took a seat by my bed.

"Okay," I shrugged before taking a sip of the potion and stifling a shudder. "In my first year we were helping Hagrid to take care of and eventually get rid of his pet dragon. Which you know, but what I haven't told anyone is that I was actually against the idea of sending Norbert off to Romania."

"You were?" he asked, clearly amused.

"I saw how much Hagrid loved him, and I didn't want to make him sad," I laughed. "I had these grand ideas about moving Norbert out into the forest so he could keep him without risking his hut being burned down. In the end though, Hermione's logic won out."

"Thank Merlin for small miracles," Albus laughed. "I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue when Norbert inevitably broke free and terrorized anyone he found on the grounds."

"I'm sure it would have been a nightmare," I agreed, before drinking down more of the awful nutrition potion. "Come on now. Your turn."

"After my mother died, and I had to return to Godric's Hollow I was quite resentful." He said as he sipped at his own mug, though his was just hot chocolate. "Of course I had admitted that to you in the past, but what I haven't told you is what made that resentment go away. I met a young boy named Gellert who was staying with his aunt nearby. I became quite smitten with him, and agreed with a great many things that go against everything I believe in during our whirlwind romance. To this day, he is the only person with which I have had a romantic relationship, though I admit I regret it."

I was shocked to say the least, but I covered my surprised face with another drink of my potion.

"I wasn't expecting anything like that," I said finally. "You usually match my stories. You know I tell a funny one you tell a funny one."

"It's ironically funny," he sighed. "The only man I ever loved, turns out to be the man I would later defeat in a historic battle. It would make a great story wouldn't it?"

"I don't know which part should shock me more," I admitted quietly. "You hadn't told me that you dated Grindewald, but you also hadn't ever actually told me that you were homosexual."

"Well dear, I thought the last bit was a little obvious," he laughed. "How many wizards do you know that run about in purple robes?"

"Well there was Lockhart in my second year," I shrugged.

"Ah yes, Gilderoy," Albus said with a twinkling smile that seemed to suggest much more than he was saying.

"Was he?" I asked, suddenly seeing the former professor in a completely different light.

"Oh that isn't for me to say," he laughed. "I'd tell you to ask him, but alas you cannot."

* * *

Halfway through the fourth week, I was allowed to return to classes though I still has to meet with Flitwick every day. I had gotten to a point where I could be trusted to go to the great hall and eat my meals without strict supervision, but I did get the impression that whoever I sat with was keeping a close eye on me.

I did my best not to let it get to me, and just focused on trying to get better. I didn't focus on portion sizes, except to make sure that I was getting a healthy size of each. Eating proper portions also meant that I didn't have to take the potion I had loving dubbed the chocolate monster anymore.

I had gotten to a point where I could actually carry on a conversation while eating. They were even conversations that weren't meant to disguise the fact that I wasn't eating. I still struggled to look at myself, because I was rapidly putting on weight from all the food and of course the chocolate monster.

* * *

By the end of the fifth week I was up to 100 pounds and I was allowed to cut my visits with Flitwick down to three times a week. Since I no longer had to take the nutritional potion, Albus and I changed our routine to playing music together. We didn't get together every night once I was sleeping in Gryffindor tower and attending classes regularly, but we met frequently to play and sing, and of course to tell whichever secret we chose.

Time with Albus was a good outlet for the frustrations of therapy and a return to a full course load. I was less stressed by social interaction since Harry and Ron were both starting to see me as normal once more, and had stopped tip toeing around me. Ron and I had even gotten into an argument when I challenged him for Blaming Hermione's cat for his rat's continued illness. That actually made me happy because he wasn't thinking of me as too weak to have a row with. With the approval of Madam Pomfrey, Cedric and I began taking walks together, where we talked about what we wanted from our futures.

* * *

During the sixth week I was told I only had to go see Flitwick once a week, but I should go see him immediately if I became overwhelmed. I was given permission to pursue the private lessons I had sought out with Professor Lupin, and even given the reward of being allowed to go running one day a week when I hit 107 pounds.

Since I hit that mark just before Valentines day, Cedric planed a romantic date as a celebration. He took me to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop during the Hogsmeade weekend. It was nice just to get out of the castle, but it was even better to be out somewhere nice with Cedric.

The café was beautifully decorated with falling pink and white hearts, which magically never littered the floor. Each table had a glowing red heart in the center, and there was a group of violins in the corner playing romantic music on themselves. We sat at a table in a secluded corner, and it was very nice. We ordered a large piece of chocolate cake to share as well as a nice sweet mint tea.

"I'm so proud of you," Cedric gush as I took a bite of the chocolate cake. "You're beautiful and amazing."

"Stop it," I blushed. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said with a mildly sappy smile. "I feel as if I have loved you since the moment I first met you at The Leaky Cauldron. I've been sure that I loved you for a long time. But I don't think I have every felt as much love s I did when I saw that look of determination on your face when you saw 107 on the scale. After all the struggle I saw that feisty and lively girl who refused to be broken break free once more. I love that girl with all my heart."

"I'm going to keep being her," I breathed. "but you have to promise to always be the sweet but strong supporter who is always there for me."

"It would be my pleasure," he said with a smile.

We paid our check and left the café. We strolled through the little village that was still sprinkled with snow, talking about inconsequential things, basking in the love we shared with one another. At one point we passed Ron and Hermione. I noticed that Ron looked a bit irritated, but it didn't really get through to me. I was feeling far too warm and fluffy to be worried about it.

* * *

I separated from Cedric when we arrived at the castle to attend my first private lesson with Lupin. It did not go as well as I had hoped. I was unable to produce a patronus. I struggled with the spell, and Lupin struggled to get the boggart to turn into a dementor for me to practice on. After four failed tries, we called it a day. I took the chocolate from him with shaking hands, still feeling the ghost of other hands upon me.

I went from his office straight to Flitwick's to detox on what I was feeling. We talked about how it upset me as well as how it made me want to throw the slab of chocolate I had with me in the trash. He talked me through it, and I eventually ate all of the chocolate without feeling guilty.

I went back to Gryffindor tower to work on my homework and I was surprised to find a very upset Harry talking to an anxious Ron and Hermione. I crossed over to them to see what was going on and saw that pity seemed to pop up immediately in Ron and Hermione's eyes. I became suspicious quickly. I sat down next to Harry and took a deep breath preparing myself for whatever I would soon learn.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly, not wanting to draw too much attention to our little group. "Why are you so upset Harry?"

"He's just learned something awful," Hermione whispered when Harry seemed unable to speak.

"Well… what is it," I whispered back, starting to fear the answer.

"I leaned what really happened with Sirius Black," Harry said in a steely voice. "I learned what a traitor he was."

"Because Pettigrew was his friend?" I asked gently. "I had heard that, but I wasn't sure if it was true."

"He wasn't just his friend," Harry growled. "He was our parent's friend, and he sold them out to Voldemort. He is the reason we are orphans."

"What?" I gasped. "No! He worked with Voldemort?"

"Do you two have to say his name?" Ron groaned.

"Yes, he did," Harry said, ignoring Ron. "He was their secret keeper, and he told Voldemort how to find out family so he could kill them and try to kill us."

"No," I said, shaking my head in denial even as an unbelievable rage began to swell up within me.

"Yes,' he said plainly, the same rage clear in his eyes.

"I will kill him," I whispered in a desperate voice that I didn't recognize.

"No," Hermione moaned. "Both of you have to get those thoughts out of your heads. He is trying to kill you Harry, and he already nearly killed you Bianca. Leave him to be dealt with by full grown wizards."

We both stared at her with frustration and Anger. I couldn't explain my feelings to her, and I doubted Harry could either. There were no words to make her understand how the need to avenge my parents murders completely overwhelmed me. My age meant very little to me when I thought of the anger coursing through my veins.

When I saw the fear in her eyes I started trying to take calming breaths. I tried to see her logic through my angry haze. It took a while, but eventually was calm enough to say that she might be right, and that I would sleep on it. I gave Harry's hand a quick squeeze, and then I left and headed to bed.


	34. Chapter 34

_**Song for this chapter: Stray Dog Freedom by Bright Eyes**_

* * *

Sleep brought little clarity. I could see how my desire was wrong, but I couldn't stop the blind rage that fueled it. I tried to settle on just learning more about Black, and to make a finally decision at some point after that. It was the best I could offer Hermione, even if I didn't speak my choice out loud.

I threw myself into my music one more as a distraction from the anger that was boiling up inside of me. I came up with a song that was a combination of what I was talking about in therapy and feelings I hadn't admitted out loud yet. When I put the words down on paper I understood that it was talking to my eating disorder, but it was also talking to Betsy. When I read the words back to myself it sounded like a wounded love song, and I understood how it would sound like that with how close to my heart it was. I didn't think anyone would understand it, so I took my guitar down to the lake to play on my own once I was ready to sing it.

_Easy come, easy go_

_That's just how you live, oh_

_Take, take, take it all_

_But you never give_

_Should've known you was trouble_

_From the first kiss_

_Had your eyes wide open_

_Why were they open?_

_[Bridge]_

_Gave you all I had_

_And you tossed it in the trash_

_You tossed it in the trash, you did_

_To give me all your love_

_Is all I ever asked_

_Cause what you don't understand_

_[Chorus]_

_I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I would go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_

_Yes, I would die for you, baby_

_But you won't do the same_

_No, no, no, no_

_Black, black, black and blue_

_Beat me 'til I'm numb_

_Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from_

_Mad woman, bad woman_

_That's just what you are_

_Yeah, you smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car_

_[Bridge]_

_Gave you all I had_

_And you tossed it in the trash_

_You tossed it in the trash, yes you did_

_To give me all your love_

_Is all I ever asked_

_Cause what you don't understand_

_[Chorus]_

_I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I would go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_

_Yes, I would die for you, baby_

_But you won't do the same_

_If my body was on fire_

_You would watch me burn down in flames_

_You said you loved me, you're a liar_

_Cause you never ever ever did, baby_

_[Bruno Mars]_

I sang the song completely in my chest vice, and as I went on it has a raspy quality when the emotion grew. If I had been writing about a lover that spurned me I might have included a verse about still loving them, but this 'lover' was not someone I wanted back. It took belting those words out to finally realize that I had changed. With that realization, I grabbed my guitar and sprinted up to Flitwick's office. I slowed down once I was inside to accommodate my heart that was beating a bit erratically. I pounded on his door, and it quickly opened to reveal a panicked looking Flitwick staring at me.

"What is it Bianca?" he asked, pulling the door aside to allow me entrance. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," I gushed. "I have to share something with you."

"Well come on in," he said, his face lightening instantly. "I haven't put any tea on yet this evening."

"That's alright," I shrugged happily following him into the office. "I just had to share this song with you. I sang it and it struck a strong chord with me."

"Well, by all means, I would love to hear it," he said with a smile, taking a seat behind his desk.

I stood in front of his desk, and pulled my guitar back around my shoulder. It was odd but it felt like a strange power settled inside me when I began to play. All the anger at what I had done to myself, at what I had let Betsy encourage me to do to myself, even at what Sirius had done to me and my family flowed through me, and it made my voice stronger than I could have imagined. I strummed harshly on my guitar as I sang, letting it all flow out of me. When I reached the end of the song my fingers burned, but my heart felt light. I looked up to see Flitwick's reaction, my breath coming in rough pants, the emotions still flowing through me.

"Wow," he said quietly, just watching me. "That's a love song isn't it?"

"In a way," I admitted. "It feels like an angry lament of a poor choice in love to me."

"I can see that," he said with that small smile he always got when we had reached some sort of milestone. "Where do you think we go from here?"

"Forward." I said quickly. "I finally get it. I was wrong, and I see that now. But I won't berate myself for my wrongs, I will move forward and make sure I don't make the same mistakes again. I won't destroy myself for something or someone who wouldn't do the same for me."

"I think that sounds fairly healthy," he said quietly. "Though the better option would be for no one to be destroyed at all."

I sat in front of his desk and we talked for a while about sticking to that commitment. It wasn't the first honest conversation we had together, but it was the first entirely vulnerable conversation we had that left me feeling strengthened rather than diminished or ashamed.

* * *

As the term went on I saw less and less of everyone. Hermione had disappeared behind a ridiculous course load that I was really starting to worry about. Harry was training for Quidditch not that Gryffindor found themselves back in the running for the cup. Cedric was working on keeping his teams morale up, and was forced to spend hours studying because of the difficult assignments he was being given by all of his professors. Ron was around, but there was a strange stiffness between the two of us. His rat had gone missing, causing an awful row between him and Hermione. When I tried to get him to give her a break, he got into a row with me, and it somehow turned into a screaming match about how he saw Cedric and I snogging in the a side corridor.

Between feeling like he had once again questioned my morals, wondering why he was so concerned with my relationship anymore, and being angry at his incredibly stubborn nature I was not very interested in talking to him. It did not appear that he was interested in talking to me either. So I spent a lot of time working on my school work, and realizing that it was much easier to get my work done when my world was not revolving around food.

As the match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw drew closer things became much tenser. I saw Ron's tension growing nearly as much as Harry's and I started to understand his devotion to his friend a bit more. He was an avid Quidditch fan but having his best friend on the team seemed to mean more. A loss seemed as if it would actually devastate him. I began to hope even more that Harry would win. I of course wanted the team to win, but I wasn't entirely invested in sports.

In an effort to make up with Ron I started planning a party for the team. It would be better if they won, but I thought it might cheer the team up if they didn't so I was planning to throw the party either way. I wasn't sure anything could cheer Wood up if they lost, but I didn't really know him well so I couldn't be sure. I started working with Fred and George for finding food to serve. With the hep of Lee Jordan they were also helping me to plan out some entertainment. I was trying to keep it simple, but still make it a big even for the team and their strongest supporters. I thought about talking to Luna about playing music with me, but since she was Ravenclaw I opted not to follow through on that idea. I figured I would keep my guitar nearby just in case the mood struck, but I didn't plan anything beyond that.

* * *

I sat with Cedric during the match, and that was an interesting choice to say the least. As the captain of the Hufflepuff team, it was a very difficult match for him to watch. I found it pretty enjoyable even if he was practically vibrating out of his seat at the tough that they could lose the cup without even playing in this match. Harry was really in his element, and Katie Bell was on fire. The whole team was really working well together and they were fun to watch. I was most amused by Malfoy and his dunderheaded friends being attacked by Harry's patronus when they tried to frighten him by pretending to be dementors. I was also rather amazed to see that Harry could produce a corporeal patronus when mine was still just a vapor.

Harry caught the snitch, and won the match. I was glad to have him rid of Cho who I found I hated irrationally for being such a skilled player. I very nearly lost my voice cheering for them, but I had to stop every few seconds to console Cedric since Hufflepuff had just had the Quidditch cup stolen from their grasp. I eventually gave him a hearty kiss goodbye and hurried off to help get the party going in the tower.

I bustled on up to the castle, and to Gryffindor tower, and managed to catch Fred and George jus as they were going through the portrait hole with their arms loaded down with food. I was surprised they had been able to duck out of the locker rooms so quickly and hurried up behind them to catch a flagon of pumpkin juice before it hit the ground.

"Oy, how do you guys get ahold of all this stuff anyway?" I asked as I grabbed some more of the treats out of their arms and started setting them up on one of the tables.

"We have our ways," Fred said in a laughably ominous tone.

"And a love of petty theft," George cackled. "But you must take that secret to the grave."

"Cross my heart," I swore with a smile on my face, before magicking up some Gryffindor decorations on the walls.

Students began pouring in, and the noise level grew exponentially. The excitement in the air was palpable. I couldn't wait for the trio to show up, and see my work. Dean helped with the decorations by creating some amazing banners with his own artwork. The boy had serious talent. The party was hopping, and I felt inspired to since. I grabbed my guitar and started strumming.

I started singing some random lyrics about Gryffindor being awesome, and they were added too by a very happy Fred and George who had a plethora of lyrics about how awful the other houses were. I noticed the longer we sang the more emboldened everyone at the party became. Which was dd, but interesting.

It was at the height of this behavior that Harry, Ron, and Hermione finally arrived, and having the man of the hour present made the party practically raucous. The only sour note of the part was the fact that Ron was still ignoring Hermione for her supposed fault in the assumed death of Scabbers. He even made her cry, and that was not a common occurrence with Hermione.

I kept it to myself, but I had grown suspicious of the Scabbers situation. He was always present when any of the Sirius Black incidents took place, and I had recently been reading about animagus theory. Perhaps it was just a coincidence, but my instincts told me that something just wasn't right with that rat. I decided that I needed to talk to Albus and Lupin more about Black before making a final decision about the whole situation, but I just couldn't shake the idea that Black had been posing as Scabbers for a while now.

I tried not to think about what he must have done to the real Scabbers. I also thought my theory might be somewhat supported by Crookshanks. He seemed to know that something was wrong with the rat, and their problems between the pair of them could be traced back to the time of Black's breakout from Azkaban. It made a fair bit of sense to me.

* * *

After the excitement of the match and the party, as well as an unhappy visit from McGonagall, people started to make their way to bed. I stayed up and quietly cleaned up the common room. We had made a terrible mess, and it didn't seem fair to leave it all for the house elves. I was still collecting wrappers from all of the Honeydukes treats Fred and George had somehow procured when I was joined by two house elves after two cracking sounds.

"Hello miss, why don't you let us do that for you?" a small female elf asked me.

"Oh, that's alright um…" I said. "Sorry, what is your name?"

"I'm Lotty miss." She said in her squeaky little voice, as she tugged on the end of her little white towel dress. "Bippy and I can clean the mess miss."

"How about we do it together," I offered with a slight chuckle. "I was a big part of making the mess, so I would like to clean it."

We worked together, but the elves kept shooting me strange glances. I got the impression they thought I was very strange. It went much fast with their help, and soon the common room was practically sparkling. When we had finished and they disappeared with a crack I sat down and just stared at the dying fire. I thought about the kiss I had shared with Cedric today and how carefree it had been. I hadn't thought I would ever feel completely carefree with a guy again. It was with happy thoughts of Cedric that I ended up slowly drifting off to sleep in front of the fire. I found I was much too tired to carry myself up to the dormitory.

* * *

I was dreaming about scuffling rats when I was awoken by a piercing scream. I sat bolt upright on the couch looking around me in the darkness caused by the nearly dead fire. I found myself in the empty common room, but then I caught sight of them hem of a very tattered set of robes whipping around the edge of the stairwell to the boys' dormitory. I only caught a flash of him before he disappeared out of the portrait hole, but it was impossible not to recognize the crazed face surrounded by mangy hair. Sirius Black was in the castle again.

That thought still burned in my mind as the common room began to fill with all the other students again. There were all sorts of different voices shouting about different things, but I wasn't really listening to people. I was staring at Ron and Harry at the base of the stairs. Ron was explaining that Sirius Black had slit his curtains open and was trying to kill him. People didn't seem to believe him, but I did, even if I didn't understand why he would go after Ron.

Could he have gotten the wrong bed? Was he trying to kill of the person who owned the rat so he would be free to roam the halls however he liked? Hadn't he accomplished that already with the disappearing act? I was still pondering those thoughts when McGonagall burst in, assuming that we were out of bed partying again, and tried to send us all back to bed.

"But Professor, Sirius Black attacked me," Ron all but yelled.

"Nonsense Mr. Weasley," McGonagall scolded. "Sirius Black cannot get inside this castle."

"He did though," I said quietly from my spot on the couch. "I saw him as he ran away."

"How could you have seen him from your dormitory?" she asked, still with a bit of accusation in her voice.

"I couldn't Professor. However I fell asleep on the couch down here," I explained. "I woke up when Ron yelled, and I saw Sirius Black as he was running away."

"Perhaps you were dreaming," she pointed out, though her voice was beginning to sound defeated. "Black could not have gotten into the castle."

"Why not ask Sir Cadogan if I think I dreamed him up," I said a bit more icily than I meant to.

She walked briskly out of the common room and did just that. There was a moment where all of us students just stared at one another. Not minutes later she returned and she was in a towering anger.

"Which imbecile wrote down all of the recent and upcoming passwords," she asked in a deadly voice. "And then to compound the heinous mistake, they went and lost the list."

After a long pause where eyes roved about the room trying to figure out who had done it, a red-faced Neville raised his hand. The backlash was of epic proportions. There was a long list of punishments, but the worst of them was probably that he would not be allowed to know any of the passwords so he was going to be spending a lot of time in the corridor with the guard trolls and the newly reinstated fat lady.

We stayed together in the common room all night. The teachers were searching the castle once again, and we were all discussing what the attack could have meant, and how it could have even happened. The sun had begun to rise and was shining through the window when McGonagall returned to inform us that Sirius Black had not been found, but security measures were being increased to prevent such a thing from happening again.

When the sun had risen further into the sky and I still wasn't asleep, I freshened up and then I went to see Professor Lupin. I wasn't sure that he would be awake so early in the morning, but I couldn't wait any longer to talk to him. I knocked on his office door, and after a bit he answered it lookinga tad groggy. I wondered if he had been asleep in his office, but I didn't ask.

"Oh… good morning Bianca," he said with what I imagined to be false cheerfulness. "What can I do for you?"

"I had have something I need to talk to you about," I said, stepping past him into his office without waiting for an invitation.

"Okay," she said, coming up short, and following me over to sit at his desk. "What exactly is it you wanted to talk about?"

"I know that you were friends with Sirius Black in school," I said in a rush, my face reddening immediately.

"I…" he puffed. "How did you know that?"

"That's not important. It doesn't matter that you were friends with him. We all make mistakes. I made one with Draco Malfoy and I don't think that diminishes me." I plowed on. "The point is that you knew him, and well at that. And because of that, I think you would know the answer to my question."

"And what is that question," he asked me hesitantly.

"Is Sirius Black an animagus?" I asked bluntly.

"W-what?" he stuttered. "What would give you an idea like that?

"I'm certain he is getting into the castle as an animal." I growled, taking his faltering speech as a confirmation of my theory. "I just want to know if my theory is off base. Perhaps you don't know though."

"No," he said in a quiet voice as the color drained out of his face. "I do know, and I think I should go speak with the Headmaster now."

I understood the dismissal, and the Professor's unwillingness to tell me the truth. I left his office, firm in my believe that I was right about my theory. I started looking for Scabbers all over the castle, and grounds. My searches seemed to be futile though. They didn't turn up even a hair.

* * *

Unfortunately I soon had to abandon my searching to throw myself into my final exams. The only final exam that gave me a ton of trouble was Runes. It was halfway through the test that I finally realized it was because I skipped so many to classes to workout instead earlier in the year. Not to mention, remembering things from the middle of the year was a bit difficult for me. I didn't know if that was because of my health or because I had blocked most of it out.

I was surprised to see that Hermione was struggling in some fo her exams, but when I really looked at her I saw how ragged she really looked. Was that girl even sleeping anymore? I made a mental note after her near breakdown in Defense Against the Dark Arts, to force some girl time on her and see if I could help with whatever was wrong.

It was with that thought in mind that I approached her as she sat reading a letter in the common room. I approached her quicker when I realized that the letter was making her cry. I rushed over and sat down beside her, gently pulling the letter out of her hands.

"Hermione, what's going on?" I asked in a soothing voice.

"I-I've gotten a letter from Hagrid," she sniffed. "Buckbeak lost his appeal."

"Appeal?" I asked. "Was there a case over the incident with Malfoy?"

"We never told you?" Hermione gasped, looking up. "Lucius Malfoy wants Buckbeak to be put down, and it turns out that he is going to be successful."

"Oh my gosh, that's horrible." I gasped, feeling a quiet rage well up in me that he would be so awful when Albus had been so lenient with his son. "When is it going to happen?"

"At s-sundown," she sobbed.

We were soon joined by Harry and Ron, and as a group we decided that we would sneak down to be with Hagrid during this awful time. We planned to sneak down under the cloak, though we weren't entirely confident that it could successfully hid all four of us. I wondered if I could buy another somewhere.


	35. Chapter 35

_**Song for this chapter: Pumped Up Kicks by Foster The People**_

* * *

We all piled under the cloak and headed off to Hagrid's hut. We wouldn't normally have to worry about being covert, but will all the security measures, we weren't really allowed out in the evenings. We walked slowly through the castle, worried about a wandering foot being caught, but once we were on the grounds we simply ran. There wasn't anyone about to notice if a tennis show appeared and disappeared from view in the middle of the grounds.

When we got to Hagrid's hurt he was more of a mess than I expected. I was filled with guilt for having not been there for him during such a troubling time. He had been there for me during one of the worst moments in my life, and I had done an awful job of repaying him for it.

"Hagrid, I'm so sorry." I rushed. "I wish I had been here for you. Of course, if Hermione couldn't win the case for you, I probably wouldn't have been much of a help."

I had hoped that might make Hermione feel better for her efforts, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. Her face flushed and she seemed to get jittery. We set to work trying to make tea for everyone, to try and settle the atmosphere a bit. I was pulling a jug of milk out to add to the tea when the jug wobbled awkwardly in my hands as if it had tried to get away from me. It fell from my grasp and shattered on the floor.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry," I gasped, stooping to try and clean up my mess when I saw a wet rat scrambling away from the glass shards. "What the heck!"

"What is it?" Harry asked as me watched me dive after the rat.

"I think I found…" I grunted, grappling with the slippery rat under the table. "Scabbers."

I held him up for everyone to see and sure enough it was him, missing toe and all. I was contemplating if I should just squeeze the life out of him, since he was a mass murderer and all, but Ron grabbed him out of my hands and pulled him close to examine him.

"He's alive!" Ron gasped. "Has he been here the whole time?"

"I guess 'e musta been," Hagrid said gruffly. "Not kill by a cat after all."

"I guess not," Ron said quietly, while staring at his pet rat. "I'll just put him in my pocket to keep him safe."

"Don't you think you owe someone an apology?" Hermione asked in a slightly shrill voice while I sat watching Ron's pocket grow wet from the milk in his rat's fur.

"No I don't think I do," Ron said stiffly.

The brewing argument was cut short by a rock being thrown through the open back window. I looked at the rock as Hermione picked it up, and I wondered why it intrigued her so much. While she was looking at the rock, Hagrid noticed that the execution party was approaching and forced us out the back door as well pulled the cloak over us once more.

We had to move very slowly as we crossed the grounds because now it was too dangerous to have a wandering shoe seen out and about. We were passing out of view of the little hut when the party moved back out of the hut and into the garden. We made it just over the crest of the hill leading down to his hut when we heard the sickening thwack that told us it had happened. Followed by Hagrid's teas and we knew it was over. We all stopped moving under the weight of the moment.

Hermione was fighting back tears, and I was trying to overcome the urge to run back to Hagrid. I could tell that Harry wanted us to get moving before we go caught and into serious trouble, but he couldn't really yell at us to get moving without drawing undue attention to our group.

It was during this moment of hesitation that Ron began thrashing around, and then ran straight out from under the cloak to chase after that damn rt. In that moment I was sure that the rat _had_ to be Sirius Black. A plain old rat would have no reason to run blindly from its owner. But a mass murder would want to draw the friend of the victim off into the coming darkness. I dashed out from under the cloak after him, praying that we wouldn't be caught.

I could hear Harry and Hermione running behind me as I chased after Ron. We finally caught up to him when he was on the ground holding a squirming and bleating Scabbers as close to his chest as he could manage. I ran straight up to him, and I was about to really tear into him for being so careless, and possibly suggest that we stab his rant, but his eyes went wide and I saw that he wasn't looking at me. He shouted for Harry to duck, and I looked over my shoulder just in time to see a great black dog leap over Harry and Hermione and come barreling toward us.

I rolled to the side to avoid being hit but my ears were immediately struck with the sound of a pained cry and I knew Ron had not been so lucky. I rolled onto my side, and threw a kick at the massive dow as he started trying to pull Ron away. My boot made contact and the dog whimpered a bit but it kept moving. I pulled myself to my feet to run after them and I realized that I had seen the dog somewhere before.

I realized it had been in a picture when I listened to Harry and Hermione bickering about divination. This dog must be the Grim. I couldn't remember hearing anything about Grims being aggressive though. I thought it was supposed to be an omen of bad things to come and that was it. This dog seemed to have plans to guarantee that whatever omen he heralded came true.

I pushed myself to run faster and harder, terrified of what fate was waiting for Ron. Harry and Hermione were right beside me, all of us trying to catch up to the fast running dog. We starting to close in on them when the dog drug him toward a hole nestled in the massive roots of the whomping willow. Ron's foot caught on the opening, and for a second I thought he might succeed in stopping their progress, but then the air filled with a sickening crack and Ron's foot disappeared.

I ran after them, but before I could reach the opening I felt something slam into my side. I wanted to scream for the pain of it, but I just rolled away landing on my back. I saw a massive branch pulling back in preparation to squash me, and barely managed to roll to the side in time to avoid being crushed. As the branch pulled back to strike again I crawled toward the opening in the roots. Another branch came out of nowhere sweeping along the ground, and crashing into my right side pushing me down into the dirt.

I pushed myself up, rushing to get out of the way of branches flying through the air around me. I lunged and dove for the opening. I tumbled face first through the hole, scraping my face and arms on the way down. I smashed face first into the dirt floor at the bottom and I felt my nose begin to bleed. I stumbled upright trying to regain my balance and clarity.

I was joined after a short while by Harry and Hermione who both looked a little worse for the wear themselves. Once we were together we start moving down the passage that we had discovered under the tree. It was dark and the walls and ceiling were close to us in a very disturbing way. I was surprised to find how suffocated I felt being unable to see the sky in anyway. I tried to stifle the newly discovered form of claustrophobia as we hurried as quickly and quietly as we could down the path.

The path began to slope upward and we were soon standing in front of a partially open door. Harry slowly pushed it fully open, revealing a trashed living room which was covered in quite a bit of dust. I was staring at the torn open couch and it dawned on me that we must be in the shrieking shack. It was the only building anywhere near the caste that I could think of that would be so damaged on the inside.

Hermione and I followed behind Harry as he led the way into the house. The downstairs was eerily dark, but there was light filtering down from the second floor. It wasn't difficult for us to figure out where to go, something had cut a clear trail through the dirt on the stairs. I tried not to think about Ron's body being dragged up the stairs by the dog.

We crept up the stairs and right into the open bedroom where we found Ron lying crumped on the floor clutching Scabbers with one hand and his clearly broke leg with the other. His faced looked almost green and he was sweating. I ran to him once more, not think about if the dog was still in the room. Harry and Hermione must have come in behind me because when Ron tried to shout a warning the door slammed shut behind us, and I saw that they were in fact in the room.

The other that I was Sirius Black standing in the corner where the door had been. I could see in the dust on the floor how the paw prints turned into human foot prints, and I realized that while I had been right about Sirius Black being an animagus I had gotten the animal wrong. Of course the mass murderer would take the form of the Grim during his transformation. I felt the fiery rage of this past year erupt within me again, but any thoughts of attacking him were thrown out of my mind when Harry lunged at him. He pressed him into the wall and I was surprised to see that Sirius made no move to defend himself.

He probably didn't think any of us could be a threat. I was surprised at how angry that through made me. Thirteen year old wizards shouldn't be considered a threat, but I felt certain that he should see us that way. It was with that blinding rage clouding my mind that I stood and squared up to him.

"Harry step away from the man," I growled, not recognizing my own voice. "He cannot be trusted to be in such close proximity to anyone."

"You—" Black started to say, his eyes wide with surprise.

"Shut it," I cut him off. "I'm of half the mind to curse you right now. You cause me far more strife than you could ever be worth."

He immediately launched into his admission of guilt in our parents death at that, which I was angry with him for but it wasn't all that was on my mind in that moment.

"The fact that you caused the death of our parents is certainly something to be dealt with," I shouted at him. "But the fact that you nearly cut my head off makes me so livid with you that I would like very much to do the same thing to you."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, finally really looking at me. "I haven't even seen you since you were a baby."

"Perhaps you didn't see me through the portrait you slashed earlier this year," I snapped. "But that doesn't mean I wasn't there."

"I wouldn't… I never," he stuttered. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone other than Peter."

"You already killed him," I screeched. "Did you lose your mind in that prison?"

That set him off into his explanation about why he was really guilty for the death of our parents. He explained what had happened with Peter Pettigrew and that he was the rat. I stared at the rat still being held tightly to Ron's chest, and I just knew that Black had to be telling the truth. I knew there was something wrong with that rat. He couldn't be just a rat. I was torn though, not wanting to believe the man who had nearly killed me might actually be innocent.

I was still trying to reconcile my feelings when Professor Lupin arrived. My immediate feelings of relief were dashed when I realized that he was clearly siding with Sirius Black without any questions. I also felt a bit betrayed. He had known that Sirius could transform into a dog, and he had to have known that this was how he was getting into the castle. Yet he had allowed it to happen, and had tried very poorly to mislead me from that theory. The two started talking about killing the rat, before they went into an even more detailed description of what had really happened with our parents twelve years ago.

The longer they spoke the clearer it became that they weren't lying. I wanted to grab the rat off Ron's chest and smash it against the floorboards until I had avenged my parents. I was driven away from these thoughts when Professor Snape appeared in the doorway. He must have been wearing the invisibility cloak, though I couldn't imagine how he had gotten ahold of it. Things happened very quickly after he arrived. He was trying to take Sirius captive, but Harry, Hermione, and I all tried to disarm him at the same time. It threw him backward, and his head slammed into the wall knocking him unconscious.

While he was lying there, Lupin and Black forced Pettigrew to retun to his human form. It made me sick to even look at him. He reeked of rat in an entirely different way than he had before. He cried to each person, begging for forgiveness, begging to be set free, beginning for anything. I thought I might vomit if he came near me, and I was happy to see that he didn't seem to be able to. He started to crawl toward me at one point, but he seemed to hit a wall and bounce back. I looked down and saw that a slightly purple mist was trailing from my wand, and pooling on the floor before me. I then noticed that the same purple fog seemed to be what was keeping him from approaching me. I wasn't sure what it was, but as soon as I noticed it the flow from the tip of my wand stopped and the cloud at my feet began to dissipate. Luckily Pettigrew had already moved on to a new person.

I just stoo there watching the conversation take place, trying to reconcile y somehow easy forgiveness with Sirius in relatin to my parents with my continued anger at what he had done to me. While I thought about that it was decided that we would take Pettigrew up to the castle and get Sirius absolved of all his crimes. He was bound to Ron and Lupin, and frankly I couldn't believe Ron wanted to be shackled to the filth masquerading as a man. He seemed to take it as a personal affront that his rat turned out to be such a… well a rat.

Hermione stood by Ron and I stood by Lupin. The new knowledge I had gained from Hermione that he was a werewolf hadn't changed him in my mind. I found it unbelievable I hadn't figured it out on my own, and it did make it easier to understand the breaks in our lessons a bit more. At the time I had wondered if he was trying to brush me off. I walked by him, silently letting him know that I still trusted him. He was focused on making sure Peter didn't get away so we didn't talk much, but that was okay with me. I was a bit overwhelmed to successfully carry on a conversation anyway.

We climbed somewhat awkwardly as a group out of the opening at the base of the tree, and I was surprised to see Crookshanks sitting on the knot at the base of the tree. Apparently this froze it in place and kept it from trying to kill us because none of the branches were moving at all. We moved away from the tree, and out toward the open grounds when suddenly Hermione cried out. I turned to face her, trying to see what was wrong. I followed her gaze up to the sky and saw that the clouds had rolled across the sky and exposed a full moon.

I heard a sickening sound right in front of me, and I knew instinctually that it was the sound of bones moving and changing. I looked down from the sky and found myself standing face to face with Lupin who was already fully transformed. The hot air of his breath whipped across my face, and he roared so loudly I thought my ear drums might have ruptured. My heart took off at a sprint when I realized he must not have taken his potion tonight and there was only about six inches separating the two of us. I was in trouble.

Everyone talks about how time moves slowly during life endangering moments, but that wasn't the case at all. In the course of a few seconds Hermione had cried out, I had seen the moon, and Lupin had changed. In the course of the next few seconds I attempted to back up far too slowly and he had swung his transformed arm toward me. I felt four razor sharp claws tear down my neck and across the top of my chest, and then Sirius, returned to his dog form, leapt upon Lupin and the two of them rolled away locked in a brutal fight.

Barely six seconds had passed, and I felt my body collapsing beneath me as I reach up to my bleeding throat in confusion for the second time in my life. Just as quickly Pettigrew broke free, turned back into a rat, and scampered off into the darkness. Harry went after a yelping Sirius, and Hermione tor after him. I was left lying awkwardly in the grass staring glassy eyes at Ron who had fallen over as well and was reaching across the grass to take my hand in his.

"Can you breathe?" he asked as he tried to drag himself across the grass to get to me, and struggling to move very far at all with his broken leg.

I just spluttered at him, pressing my hand against my neck in an effort to stem some of the blood flow. I felt tears burning down my face and dripping onto my hand and the open wounds. I felt so much pain, but I tried to just focus on Ron. I thought for sure this would be the last thing I saw and I didn't want to take it for granted. At least it was a person who I cared for, a person that I knew cared for me in some way as well.

"Just hold on," he said in a rough voice, and I realized in a distant way that he was crying. "Snap has got to wake up soon and he can help us."

I realized that we really did need the greasy haired git, and then I felt guilty for thinking so negatively of him in my final moments. I racked my brain for some way to wake him up, and I remember that I had once seen Albus us a spell to try and reanimate Mrs. Norris last year. The charm had been enervate, and though I was unsure of the wand movements I hoped I could cast it. I fumbled for my wand, pointing it with a heavy arm in Snape's direction and thinking the spell with every ounce of concentration I had. I had never tried a silent spell before, but I was desperate for this to work. I just kept thinking it over and over again until I saw a light shimmer out of my wand and over to Snape.

He stirred and then sat up, and I allowed my arm to slump heavily into the grass barely managing to keep hold of my wand. He saw Ron and I collapsed on the grass and quickly lurched into action. He conjured two stretchers and pulled Ron onto the first one. He then gingerly levitated me onto the second and I saw that the grass beneath me was stained black with my blood. I was surprised to be able to see it so clearly in the darkness. I found myself on my back, supported by the hovering canvas stretcher, and staring up into his surprisingly caring gaze as he cast some sort of spell over me. It was most likely to stop the bleeding, but I couldn't think beyond that as my vision began to fade. The last thing I was aware of was the stretcher beginning to move, and then I was at peace.


	36. Chapter 36

_**Song for this chapter: Shattered by OAR**_

* * *

I roved in and out of consciousness, and the voices that filtered through to me were confusing. I thought I heard Madam Pomfrey talking to me, and next I thought I heard Snape talking about Merlin. What felt like a moment later, I thought for sure Hermione was saying something about a time-turner, and I had a moment to wonder what that was before everything was gone again. Then there was a lot of shouting, and none of it made any sense to me. I was gone for a while, and when I came back there was mostly silence. I did not both opening my eyes expecting to fall back into the strange sleep I had been in, and listened to the room around me. I heard footsteps approaching me slowly, and two voices talking quietly eventually reached my ears.

When I finally recognized the voices I had to fight the urge to laugh at the familiarity of this situation. Once again I was in the hospital wing fighting for my life, and Albus and Madam Pomfrey were trying to save me. They were talking quietly to one another and I soon felt Madam Pomfrey's light touches as she worked. Still I did not open my eyes, but this time it seemed that I couldn't rather than I wouldn't.

"I still don't understand it Albus," she whispered. "The jugular was completely severed, she shouldn't have survived. These gashed are deeper than the ones that happened on Halloween."

"They do look rather grotesque don't they?" Albus said in a soft voice, that I imagined was accompanied by one of his thoughtful smiles.

"When she arrived in here they had already begun to knit themselves together," she went on. "Severus said he only performed a stasis spell to keep the blood from spilling while he hurried to rescue the other students."

"I imagine some of her tears fell onto the injuries," Albus said quietly. "I believe that is the cause."

"What do you mean Albus?" Madam Pomfrey asked, her voice growing just slightly louder. "Human tears do not have healing properties."

"I don't know believe Bianca is entirely human by any means," he answered simply.

"What?" was her only replay, and I tried yet again to open my eyes, wanting to see her face but also being desperate to hear what he was going to say.

"I think Bianca is a phoenix in human form," Albus explained quietly. "I think her tears retain some of their healing properties, though less potent, and I think it is so difficult to kill her because she is immortal. I imagine that if someone managed to break through her protections and cast a deadly blow that she would burst into flames and immediately enter the regeneration process. Frankly it could be that fire is the only way she can even be killed since we already know that the killing curse and blood loss will not do it."

"Surely you cannot be serious," she breathed quietly. "Has there ever been a case of a phoenix becoming human?"

"Oh it is certainly very rare," he noted. "I have only found one recorded case, and a few illusions to others. From what I understand it has to do with the bird developing feelings of love toward a human."

"But the phoenix is such an aloof bird, how would that even happen?" she asked.

"That is not something I entirely understand," Albus admitted, and I could imagine him shrugging gently. "The birds are fiercely loyal to owners, but they rarely have other strong feelings as their lives are so long that they will have several owners in one life span, if they choose to be kept that is."

"Why do you think Bianca is a phoenix?" she asked somewhat petulantly, and I pictured her with her hands on her hips.

"Well for the reasons I have already shared," he chuckled. "Also I think Fawkes has a slight crush on her. Though he is a very smart bird, and would gladly wait for her to return to her former body type."

"Albus you must be joking," she said with a small giggle.

"Perhaps," he laughed. "But I do not think I am incorrect about my theory. Did you kno Lily once owned a phoenix?"

"I didn't," Madam Pomfrey admitted. "What happened to it after she passed on?"

"That's the strange thing. About two years before she passed away her phoenix Adena entered a molting phase and did not regenerate." Albus explained. "There were far fewer ashes left over than their usually are, and Lily kept them in a jar in Godric's Hollow as a memorial for her."

"You think that Adena somehow became Bianca?" she asked skeptically.

"I do," he said plainly. "that being said though, phoenix or not I think we might want to fully heal those gashed before Bianca sees them. She is a bit of a worrier when it comes to her appearance."

"Very true," Madam Pomfrey agreed with a sad laugh.

They lapsed out of conversation while she worked and I tried to digest what I had heard. She was working on applying a cool liquid to my throat when I was finally able to force my eyes open. I looked up into the very startled face of Madam Pomfrey for a moment before she gathered herself.

"Oh, you gave me quite the fright just then," she laughed nervously. "Are you able to speak at all?"

"Yes," I whispered faintly relieved to hear that something did come out.

"Oh good, I got the treatment right the first time this time around," she sighed. "You probably have a good idea of what is coming already with all the potions and such. Just like before. Though I think this should heal a little more quickly this time around."

"Okay," I whispered. "Could I have some water?"

"Of course," she rushed, jumping up to grab something from her table of potions. "Your throat must be very dry."

She gave me the water, and Albus helped me to sit up once more so I could drink it. I had to take a battery of potions like I had earlier in the year, but she did not make me take the muscle relaxant this time around. I took that to mean that I was not going to be stuck here for as long as I had been before. I wondered if the tears really had made that much of a difference. I didn't ask as I had appeared to have been asleep during that conversation.

I fell back asleep shortly after taking all of the potions, and slept through the rest of the night and a good portion of the next day. I was surprised that Madam Pomfrey didn't wake me up every hour to take a blood replenishing potion. When I did wake up in the early afternoon she gave me a meal and another round of potions. I started to suspect she was also giving me a sleeping potion in the group because I quickly fell back to sleep after taking the round of them. I slept until four in the morning.

"If I promise to go back to sleep will you refrain from slipping me another sleeping potion this time?" I grumbled when Madam Pomfrey took away a tray of food and started handing me potions.

"You're very quick," she said with a chuckle. "Very well, but you really need to rest. You also have a history of sneaking out of here when I am not looking."

"I promise I won't sneak out," I sighed guiltily. "Please just don't make me take another potion. I already have to take so many of them."

"Very well… but if you go back on your word…" she warned while pointing her finger at me.

"I won't," I promised. "By the way… am I going to have to take Wolfsbane potion now? Is it possible to be infected by claws or does it have to be a bite? I really need to do more research on werewolves…"

"No Bianca, you won't have to worry about that." She answered softly. "Besides if you were afflicted you would have transformed in the ward last night."

It occurred to me then that she might have been sedating me as a preventative measure in case I was going to transform. I suppose a sleeping werewolf would have been much easier to deal with. My anger at dosing me drifted away when I realized it had really been to prevent a safety risk for the others.

* * *

I was released after only two days. Madam Pomfrey gave me a box of potions vials with proportioned doses of blood replenishing potion to take for the rest of the week as well as two jars of the scar cream she had given me before. The four gashes wrapped from just under my ear, down my throat, and over the top of my right breast, and they were being rather stubborn about healing properly. I took the box back up to my dormitory, and got to work packing up my trunk. I climbed down into the spare room inside my trunk which now housed my bulky or oddly shaped items that wouldn't fit in the smaller compartments. I set the box next to my guitar case and climbed back out of the room.

Once I had packed almost everything away neatly I pulled out clothes to throw on. I ended up wearing a pair of green cargo pants, and a simple with t-shirt. The marks were still visible so I dug out a silky red scarf and tied it around my throat to hide them before throwing on my trainers. I wanted to go see Lupin before leaving, and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable with the sight of my throat.

The trip to his office was quiet. Most students were either in their dorms packing or out on the grounds enjoying their freedom from lessons and homework. When I got to his office, the door was already open, and I saw that he was moving about the room packing as well.

"Hello Professor," I said quietly.

He turned to see who it was, and I saw his face flush red before he turned his back to me.

"You've been released, very good." He said quietly, as he shocked a stack of papers into his briefcase. "I'm very sorry for what happened. I shall be gone shortly, so you won't have to worry about it happening again."

"I'm not worried," I pointed out as I stepped inside the office, attempting to demonstrate that I was not afraid of being in his vicinity, but he just moved further away from me. "I am not afraid of you Professor Lupin."

"I fear that you should be Ms. Potter," he sighed, his back still facing me. "I am an uncontrollable and volatile creature. You can never be sure I will not attack you."

"You just forgot to take your potion," I said, the desperation in my voice surprising even me. "And by the way when did I become Ms. Potter again. My name is Bianca, you've been calling me that all year."

"It felt inappropriate," he said awkwardly, finally turning to look at me with pained eyes.

"What's more intimate than trying to rip my throat out?" I laughed darkly. "Surely we can use first names with one another."

"That's not funny," he sighed. "And you do not use my first name, so I think we are about even."

"Fine then, Remus, I forgive you," I snapped. "Now will you stop acting like we are strangers and accept my forgiveness."

"I don't think I can," he said quietly. "To have nearly killed the child of my best friend is the worst thing I have ever done."

"It makes you and Sirius even on the playing field," I joked.

"I have done some awful things, but this… this I cannot forgive," he lamented.

"I have don't bad things as well," I said plainly. "I have killed a man, I have lost a child, I have tried to slowly kill myself, but you know what… I am still here."

I paused for a moment to let that sink in.

"I will still be here tomorrow and the next day, and I intend to enjoy myself rather than beating myself up for things that I have done wrong." I continued. "I want to be your friend regardless of what happened the other night, but I will understand if you choose not to be mine."

"You are so like your mother," he whispered before a smile brightened his face. "I would be honored to be your friend Bianca."

"Well that's settled then," I said somewhat awkwardly. "So are you leaving because of me?"

"I suppose that is a part of it," he said honestly. "But then there is the fact that Professor Snape let slip my situation… and I will soon have to be let go at the request of the parents anyway."

"That's outrageous," I yelled.

"Not all witches and wizards are as tolerant as you and your friends," he pointed out in an effort to head off my anger.

"Well I…" I stuttered. "I guess I don't actually have a solution for this."

"There isn't always a neat solution for everything," he pointed out kindly. "I will only be an owl's flight away Bianca."

With that we said our goodbyes and I decided to go make on last visit. I hadn't been to see Hagrid in quite some time and I was quite overdue. He was sitting on a stump in his yard whittling something with his knife and he looked up with a smile on his face when he saw me approaching.

"Hey there," he beamed. "Dinit 'spect you to be up and around jus' yet."

"I'm healing quickly," I told him as I sat down in the grass beside him. "What are you making?"

"Tryin' ter make a duck," he told me with a laugh. "Failing somethin' awful."

"Can I see?" I asked holding my hand out for his project.

He handed it over easily, and I saw what he meant. It was really just an oddly shaped lump of wood at this point. I couldn't whittle, but I could draw, so I carefully used his knife to draw an outline of the ducks head that he could follow while he worked and handed his supplies back to him.

"That might help," I shrugged.

"Thanks Bianca," he said cheerfully as he set back to work. "I'dve been here all day."

"Well I find that sometimes certain projects are just beyond me," I admitted. "But with a little help from my friends I always seem to manage to get where I am trying to go."

"Are yeh sure you're only thirteen Bianca?" he laughed as he worked.

"No, I'm not," I sighed, sounding a little too serious when the image of a phoenix flitted through my mind. "Sometimes I fell a million years old."

"Don't we all?" he asked with another laugh, missing the change in my mood. "Yeh jus' need a vacation. And look a' that, now yeh've got one."

"You're right," I agreed. "I should go get ready for the end of the year feast, but I wanted to stop by and see you first. I'll miss you over the summer Hagrid."

"Oh don' yeh worry. I'm sure you'll be havin' too much fun ter miss me." He said. "Don't yeh know their havin' the World Cup in Britain this summer?"

"Wow really?" I gasped. "I wonder how much I would have to be in order to convince Albus to get us tickets."

"Not much I bet," Hagrid laughed boisterously. "Tha' man loves his Quidditch as much as the next one."

* * *

I went back up to the castle for the feast. It was fun but fairly uneventful. Gryffindor won the house cup again, but that was expected at this point so no one was surprised. I enjoyed a nice meal with my friends, all of them kindly ignoring the red scarf on my neck and what it failed to hide completely. We laughed and talked together while we worked our way through the delicious food before us.

After dessert we all went up to bed as we had to get up bright and early to ride the Hogwarts Express back to London in the morning. I had already made arrangements to ride back to the house with Cedric since Albus would be dealing with some last minute business at the school tomorrow. It probably had to do with Professor Lupin leaving, but I hadn't asked much about it.

I had the entire day planned out, but what I hadn't planned for was the terrible surprise waiting next to the carriages that would take us down to the train station. I ground to a halt, staring in something between terror and fascination at the mottled black beast of a winged horse standing in front of our carriage. I looked around in surprise, and I realized that the was one pulling each carriage. What where they?

"Are you coming Bianca?" Cedric asked me, looking over his shoulder when he realized I wasn't walking with him anymore.

"I.. uh..." I said dumbly still staring at the strange horse. "I'm sorry, but what is that?"

His head snapped between me and the front of the carriage, and I saw understanding dawning on his features.

"You can see them now?" he asked quietly. "It hadn't occurred to me. With you being there when Betsy... I'm sorry they must come as quite a shock."

"What are they?" I said a bit more firmly than I had meant to.

"Thestrals," he told me as he took my hands in his. "You can only actually see them if you have seen death. Everyone just assumes that the carriages pull themselves up to the school, but Hagrid told us in our sixth year class what they actually are."

"Can you see them?" I asked him, turning my eyes away from the thestral to meet his gaze.

"No," he told me with a soft smile. "I've seen drawings, but I cannot see them in real life."

"They are certainly a sight to see," I said with a slight shudder as I started walking to our carriage once more.

* * *

Cedric and I rode together on the train and talked the whole time about what we should do over the summer. I talked to him about the Quidditch World Cup and discovered that he was far more excited to go than I was. We made plans to go out for dinner and a muggle move tonight after we had gotten our things settled at home and then just enjoyed one another's company for the rest of the ride.

When we arrived at Kings Cross I ran over to catch Harry before he left with our Aunt and Uncle. As I was hugging him goodbye I noticed our Aunt gawking at me and it took me a moment to put together that I looked just like her sister had at this age. It must have been very weird for her to see me. I told Harry goodbye and gave them a quick wave before hurrying away. I had a feeling they wouldn't take very kindly to me going over and making conversation with the. So instead I joined Cedric and we followed his parents out of the station and over to their car.


	37. Chapter 37

_**Song for this chapter: This Sweet Love by James Yuill**_

* * *

As summer went on, I got an idea into my head about the Quidditch World Cup that I couldn't get out of my head. After a few days of deciding if it was even worth it I approached Albus. I asked him if there was any way that I might be allowed to since the national anthem at the match. He told me that England's national anthem would not be sung because Ireland and Bulgaria would be the teams playing. He did promise that if I learned bother of their national anthems he would try to arrange an audition with Ludo Bagman and Barty Crouch for me. I had no idea who those guys were, but I set to work learning the songs right away.

It was lucky I was busy with learning the songs and spending time with Cedric because I wasn't actually getting to see a lot of Albus. He had a lot of business meeting planning something for the school next year, and he was being a bit secretive about it so I had no idea what it was about. Cedric had heard something was going on at school in the fall as well, but his father wouldn't tell him either. It was supposed to be a big surprise I guess.

* * *

On the third week of vacation Albus did successfully arrange an audition for me, an dI was surprised to find how incredibly nervous I was about it. It wasn't like I had never performed before anyone before, but I suddenly felt like I had never even sung before and this was going to be a disaster. I brought my guitar with me, not knowing if they would have music for me to sing along with, or if they would prefer I sun a cappella. I had no idea what they wanted really.

I decided to dress as professionally as I could for the audition, and silently thanked Merlin that my scars had faded to the point that they basically could not be seen anymore as I got ready. I wore a pair of black trousers and a white blouse. I put on a pair of red heels and curled my hair. As I was styling my hair I wondered if wearing a muggle outfit was the wrong choice. Should I wear robes instead? All I really owned was my Hogwarts robes, and I didn't want to seem too young for such a job. In the end I decided that my outfit would be fine, grabbed my guitar case, and went downstairs to join Albus.

"Do you want some breakfast before we go?" he asked me kindly.

"No," I said quickly.

"Bianca, are you falling into bad habits again?" he asked firmly.

"No," I said in a rush. "I'm just so nervous. I don't think I could keep anything down right now if I tried."

He chuckled, told me not to be nervous, and offered his arm up for me so we could do slide-along to the ministry. I took a deep breath, and grabbed his hand. There was pressure, and then we were standing in the incredibly hue lobby of the ministry of magic. The shiny black bricks were beautiful, and I wondered how difficult it was to keep them so clean.

Albus led me past a fountain and a row of fireplaces to an elevator at the end of the atrium. We clamored into the elevator and were joined by a flock of animated purple paper airplanes. He pressed a number on the wall, and the elevator shot off to its destination. It moved very fast and I had to stand up on my tiptoes to each the handle hanging from the ceiling to keep myself from falling over.

We stopped on the third floor and a pleasant female voice announced all the different offices that were located on this floor. I followed Albus down the hallway to a door that had a gold name plate that said Ludo Bagman. He knocked, and a deep male voice bid us to enter.

"Ah, Dumbledore good to see you again," said a slightly pudgy but very happy looking man from behind a desk. "And there she is. You come very highly recommended Ms. Potter."

"Thank you Mr. Bagman," I said, trying not to let my nerves come through in my voice.

"Barty should be here any moment," Bagman said running his hands together eagerly. "Then we should be able to get started."

Just as he finished speak there was a sharp rap at the door.

"Ah, that'll be him," Bagman said. "Come on in Barty."

I was immediately glad that I had dressed professionally. Barty Crouch was wearing robes, but he may as well have been wearing a three-piece business suit. He had very straight posture, his hair was combed perfectly, and he had the most precisely trimmed mustache I had ever seen. I stood up straighter in his presences.

"Hello everyone," he nodded, crossing over to sit down beside Bagman's desk. "Shall we get started?"

"Yes of course," Bagman agreed quickly. "I can't wait to hear the girl sing. Have at it Ms. Potter."

I waited for all of them to situate themselves in their chairs. I noticed that Albus remained standing by the wall, and I got the impression he was trying to disappear without actually leaving the room. I put the strap of my guitar over my shoulder, and took a deep breath before making eye contact with them.

"Hello, my name is Bianca Potter," I said in my most confident voice, using the introduction I had practiced with Cedric. "Do you have any preference on which national anthem you hear first?"

The both shook their heads.

"Okay then. I will start with the Irish national anthem." I said. "I have learned them in both English and in their native languages. For today I thought I would sing them in the native languages."

The two men nodded, and Albus smiled brightly. I began to play my guitar and to sing.

_Seo dhibh a cháirde duan Óglaigh,_

_Cathréimeach briomhar ceolmhar,_

_Ár dtinte cnámh go buacach táid,_

_'S an spéir go min réaltogach_

_Is fonnmhar faobhrach sinn chun gleo_

_'S go tiúnmhar glé roimh thíocht do'n ló_

_Fé chiúnas chaomh na hoiche ar seol:_

_Seo libh canaídh Amhrán na bhFiann._

_Curfá:_

_Sinne Fianna Fáil_

_A tá fé gheall ag Éirinn,_

_buion dár slua_

_Thar toinn do ráinig chugainn,_

_Fé mhóid bheith saor._

_Sean tír ár sinsir feasta_

_Ní fhagfar fé'n tiorán ná fé'n tráil_

_Anocht a théam sa bhearna bhaoil,_

_Le gean ar Ghaeil chun báis nó saoil_

_Le guna screach fé lámhach na bpiléar_

_Seo libh canaídh Amhrán na bhFiann._

_Cois bánta réidhe, ar árdaibh sléibhe,_

_Ba bhuachach ár sinsir romhainn,_

_Ag lámhach go tréan fé'n sár-bhrat séin_

_Tá thuas sa ghaoith go seolta_

_Ba dhúchas riamh d'ár gcine cháidh_

_Gan iompáil siar ó imirt áir,_

_'S ag siúl mar iad i gcoinne námhad_

_Seo libh, canaídh Amhrán na bhFiann._

_Curfá_

_A bhuíon nách fann d'fhuil Ghaeil is Gall,_

_Sin breacadh lae na saoirse,_

_Ta scéimhle 's scanradh i gcroíthe namhad,_

_Roimh ranna laochra ár dtire._

_Ár dtinte is tréith gan spréach anois,_

_Sin luisne ghlé san spéir anoir,_

_'S an bíobha i raon na bpiléar agaibh:_

_Seo libh, canaídh Amhrán na bhFiann._

_Curfá_

I had barely finished singing, and Bagman was already clapping enthusiastically. I clearly had one fan, and that bolstered my confidence. I could see Albus refraining from clapping, but he had a brilliant smile on his face. Crouch had a small smile, but was still sitting firmly in his chair without clapping so I wasn't sure if he was entirely pleased. I told them I would now perform the Bulgarian national anthem, and opted not to apologize ahead of time for my pronunciation so it wouldn't appear that I lacked confidence.

_Gorda Stara Planina,_

_Do nej Dunava sinej,_

_Sluntse Tkrakija ogr'ava,_

_Nad Pirina plamenej_

_CHORUS:_

_Milo Rodino,_

_Ti si zemen raj,_

_Tvojta khubost, tvojta prelest,_

_Akh te n'amat kraj_

_Padnakha bojtsi bezchet,_

_Za naroda nash l'ubim,_

_Majko, daj mi muzhka sila,_

_Put'a im da prodolzhim_

_CHORUS_

Crouch gave me a nod, and Bagman clapped enthusiastically once more.

"Thank you Bianca," Crouch said formally. "We have a few more artists to audition, but we should get back to you within the next twenty-four hours to let you know what our decision is."

"Thank you for your time," I said quickly, recognizing the dismissal and turning to leave.

* * *

Albus followed me and we quickly left the ministry. I didn't speak on the way out, I was far too nervous. After we had apparated back into our kitchen I let out a long breath and sat down heavily in a chair, and put my guitar on the table.

"Oh my sweet Merlin that was so nerve wracking," I said with a tiny laugh.

"You did very well though," Albus said kindly. "I rather liked how you sang the Bulgarian anthem."

"I think I may have pronounced Tvojta khubost wrong," I said quickly, worrying my hands. "Their inflections are a bit difficult to understand."

"I do not speak perfect Bulgarian, but I believe you had it right," he shrugged. "Now, how about breakfast?"

"Gladly," I agreed easily. "I'm starving now that the butterflies have vacated my stomach."

We both laughed while Albus started to whip up pancakes. We ate a hearty breakfast, that was really lunch at this point, and I couldn't help but talk about the audition throughout the entire meal. As the day wore on, and we hadn't heard anything yet, I started to drive Albus mad with my constant worrying. He finally gave up and banished me from the house, telling me to go see Cedric, or go to the park and un in a circle or something if only to get rid of the nervous energy I was spreading about the house. I laughed at him and went to grab my swim suit. I decided to see if Cedric wanted to head over to a swimming hole not too terribly far from our houses.

I threw my swimsuit and a towel into a bag and then hurried out of the house after Albus promised to contact me immediately if he heard anything. I skipped all the way to Cedric's house and hurried up to his front door trying to push all thoughts of the audition out of my head. I knocked on the door and Mrs. Diggory answered right away.

"Oh hello dear," she greeted with a smile, standing aside to let me in. "How are you today?"

"I'm good. How are you?" I asked.

"Oh I am quite well," she smiled. "I have been trying to convince Cedric to leave the house and stop going on about Quidditch terms to me, but I have yet to have any luck. Are you here to rescue me from my predicament?"

"That's right, Bianca to the rescue!" I chuckled, putting my fist over my head like a I had seen a superhero do in a muggle movie once. "Albus booted me out for the day because I was driving him bonkers as well. I thought I would see if Cedric wanted to go swimming."

"Oy, is that Bianca down there?" I heard Cedric call from upstairs. "Tell her I'll be right down!"

"Oh, I'm sure she heard you sweetie," Mrs. Diggory called back with a laugh before shaking her head. "Boys."

"Boys," I agreed.

Cedric joined us quickly. He bounced down the stairs and quickly closed the distance between us so he could pull me into a hug, and then give me a kiss that made me blush and look at his mother with embarrassment. She just laughed and walked into the kitchen to give us a bit of privacy.

"I was just thinking about you," Cedric said, kissing me again, a bit more thoroughly.

"You liar," I laughed. "You've been thinking about Quidditch all day."

"No, I was talking about Quidditch all day to distract myself." Cedric whispered in my ear, causing goose bumps to erupt on my neck. "I couldn't very well tell my mother I was thinking about snogging you senseless."

"You cad," I blushed. "I came to see if you wanted to go swimming."

'Why yes, I would love to see you in a bathing suit," he said as if that was what I had actually asked him. "Let me just go grab my trunks."

I laughed at him as he sprinted up the stairs. He was only gone for a minute, but he came back down already wearing his trunks and a t-shirt with a towel thrown over his shoulder. He slid on his sandals at the door and offered me his hand. I didn't hesitate to take it, and we walked out into the sunshine.

The swimming hole was actually a few miles away, but it was worth the hike. Muggles never seemed to go there, and there weren't too many wizarding families nearby. There was a chance we could run into the Weasleys or the Lovegoods but they were always good company. I told Cedric all about my audition on the way there, and he told me not to worry that I was sure to get the job.

When we were finally there I made Cedric promise not to peak while I hid behind the group of trees at the edge of the pool of water to change. I found myself wishing I had just put my swimming suit on at home, but I hurried to get changed so he wouldn't be tempted to try and look. I laughed a little at myself when I realized that my black bikini matched his trunks.

I watched Cedric as I came out from behind the trees. He was being a perfect gentleman and facing in the other direction to give me privacy. I was distracted by how great he looked in his trunks, his shirt having been shed and abandoned like his towel on the ground. His hair was glinting in the sun, and when he slowly turned to face me I could see the same sunlight twinkling in his eyes. The magical moment was broken when he wolf whistled at me, though I was flattered.

"Hush you," I laughed as I joined him in the shallow end of the water, taking a moment to just enjoy the coolness against my skin.

"What, I can't appreciate the amazing body my girlfriend has?" he asked in mock offense.

"Sure, sure," I dismissed him, walking a bit further in so the water was above my knees.

"Bianca," he said, grabbing my wrist gently to make me look back at him. "If you only knew what you do to me. Don't you know how beautiful you are?"

"Do we have to talk about this?" I sighed. "It's not like I am calling myself fat or anything, but I am still working on liking how I look."

"If you saw yourself the way I saw you," he said before kissing my neck. "You would never worry about how you look."

"Mmm?" I murmured in reply when he kissed my neck again, making me tremble in response.

"I love everything about you," he breathed as he trailed his lips along my neck up toward my chin.

"I love your hair," he told me before I he placed a kiss on the crown of my head.

"I love your rosy cheeks, and their cute dimples when you smile," he told me before he kissed me on each cheek.

"I love your soft lips, and the way they feel against mine," he told me before he pressed such a passionate kiss to my lips that he left me panting for breath.

"I love your long elegant neck," he said throatily before kissing a hot trail from under my ear down to the juncture where my neck met my shoulder.

"I love your shoulder, and how they get dusted with little freckles during the summer," he told me before gently kissing each shoulder.

"I love your scar," he breathed and then he leaned in and kissed the part of my breast that was marred with the lightning bolt shaped scar and set my heart racing.

"There are other parts of you that I love, but perhaps it would be a bit inappropriate for me to kiss them," he chuckled before pulling me into a hug that relieved a bit of the yawning need he had created in me with his ministrations.

"I love you," I breathed shakily into his shoulder, surprised by the effect he had on my body.

"I love you too," he said as he pulled me slowly deeper into the water.

We didn't really swim. We waded out until the water was up o my shoulders, and then Cedric picked me up so we could go out a bit further without me having to tread water. I wrapped my legs around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder as we just let the stood together letting the water move gently around us. He gently rubbed my back as he held me and I found myself relaxing further into him. He worked all of the tension out of my back, and I felt my nervousness slipping further away with every touch. I was slightly embarrassed to realize that his touches were eliciting small moans from me without my permission.

"Merlin," he breathed in my ear. "Do you have any idea what you are doing to me right now?"

I looked up to see his face, and he quickly captured my lips with his own. He kissed me with fervor, and it was different from the kisses we had shared in the past. We had always shared very careful kiss, not pushing our physical boundaries very far. This was different though. This kiss was practically desperate. Our lips were attacking one another, fighting for dominance, as if this was the last kiss they were expecting to receive and they wanted to make it worth their while.

I ran my fingers through his hair, and pulled him ever closer to me as his hands began to roam over my body. I had always worried that touches between us would elicit bad memories for me, but all I felt when his hands moved over me was electric tingles of pleasure. I pressed myself into him further and he groaned against my lips. Our lips broke apart, both of us gasping for air, and he quickly turned his attention too my neck. I groaned and fisted my hands in his hair as I turned my head to the side to give him better access. I could feel my body brushing his with each panting breath that I took, and when his hand closed gently over my breast my thighs twitch and tightened around his waist involuntarily.

"Oh Merlin," I moaned, pulling his lips back to mine.

He kissed me gladly, and he allowed both of his hands to explore my chest for the first time. In that moment I was sure that I was in love with his hands. They were causing things in me that I had never felt before. He brushed his thumbs over my nipples and it sent a current through me that made me feel light headed and aroused. My eyes were just beginning to roll back in my head when I noticed a ball of light approaching the side of the pool.

"What's that?" I panted, not exactly eager to draw his attention away from what he was doing.

He reluctantly stopped what he was doing and we moved closer to the edge. I realized as we drew closer that it was a patronus of a phoenix. When we were standing in front of it Albus's voice began to speak from somewhere withn it.

_We have just received post from the ministry. You should come home so we can find out what their decision was._

We both stared at the spot where the bird had been as it vanished trying to control our breathing. I had forgotten all about the results. There was a small part of me that wanted to continue forgetting them and go back to what we had been doing just moments ago.

"Well, let's get back then," Cedric said in a still somewhat husky voice. "I'll grab your towel for you."

He hurried out of the water and pulled my towel from my bag before bringing it back and wrapping it around me. He looked sad to see my body hidden from view, and I was more than happy to stare at his body that was still exposed. It looked even nicer flushed slightly red in places with water dripping over his muscles.

"Perhaps I shouldn't be allowed around you in a swimsuit again," he chuckled, his flushed cheeks growing redder.

"Oh, I don't know," I breathed, stepping out of the water and slipping my sandals back on. "I rather liked that."

"I think I could snog you for hours," he admitted somewhat guiltily as he grabbed his own towel and started drying off.

* * *

We both laughed as we gathered up our things and walked back to my place. Cedric wanted to hear the results as well, and I figured I would see if he could stay for dinner afterward. The walk home seemed to take forever, because I was so anxious to hear the news. Finally my house came into view, and I took off running, not wanting to wait a second longer. Cedric had no trouble keeping up with me. We raced through the front door to find Albus waiting at the kitchen table with a letter in his hand and a smile on his face.

"Well go ahead," he said holding it out to me. "Open it why don't you?"

I took the letter from his and tore it open with vigor. Then I promptly closed my eyes too nervous to read it.

"Ahhh, I can't," I whined. "You read it for me Cedric."

"Alright," he said with a light chuckle, and I felt him lean in close to me so he could read over my shoulder. "Congratulations Bianca! They picked you!"

"Yes!" I cheered bouncing in place as I read through the letter myself. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

I promptly started jumping up and down in celebration only to have my towel fall off causing me to blush. I quickly stooped to collect it once more. I grabbed my bag from Cedric and promptly hurried out of the room to get dressed. I tore off upstairs and traded my wet swimsuit for a pair of shorts and a tank top before heading back downstairs.

"I'm so excited!" I babbled as I rushed back into the kitchen. "This is so awesome! Oh my gosh, this is just so cool!"

"I can't wait to see you perform at the World Cup," Cedric agreed. "It will be the coolest."

"I still can't believe they chose me," I gushed. "I mean I am not even fourteen until next week. I thought for sure they would end up picking an adult."

"I think you underestimate your talent," Albus pointed out from the table. "Brty Crouch had a difficult time keeping an impartial face while you were there, and as you saw Ludo Bagman gave up even trying to."

"Oh Merlin, what am I going to wear?" I gasped. "I just realized how many people would be watching me. I can't look like a dweeb or something."

"You could never look like a dweeb," Cedric assured me before kissing my cheek chastely.

"Can Cedric stay for dinner?" I asked while my mind raced through different ideas of what to wear.

"Of course," Albus said with a smile. "I was thinking of making a fruit salad and some sandwiches. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great Professor Dumbledore," Cedric said respectfully.

"Please Cedric call me Albus while we are out of school," Albus asked.

"Yes sir," Cedric said, and we both laugh. Old habits were hard to kick.

We enjoyed a nice dinner together, and then Cedric went home for the night. I stood on the porch watching him disappear into the night before finally heading in for the night. I showered and went to bed shortly after, and I had very interested dreams about Cedric that night.


	38. Chapter 38

_**Song for this chapter: 'Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay**_

* * *

The week before my birthday was fairly uneventful. I received post from Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They told me they would all be going to the Word Cup, and hoped they would see me there. When I wrote them back I opted not to tell them I would be performing. I wanted it to be a surprise. Their letters had come with birthday presents as well but I held off opening them until my actual birthday. It was surprisingly difficult to avoid their temptation when they sat on my desk waiting.

On the day of my birthday the entire Diggory family came over. We had cake and opened presents. Hermione had gotten me a Weird Sisters t-shirt. Ron sent me a package of guitar strings and some blank parchment. Harry sent me a variety pack of Zonko's joke shop products, and I had to laugh because it was the exact same thing I had sent him. Albus had purchased me an encyclopedia of the world's greatest wand woods, and a one hour session on the proper carving techniques with Olivander. Mr. and Mrs. Diggory bought me a scrapbook and a wizarding camera. Cedric gave me his present last, and it was in a little silver pouch that was soft to the touch. He handed it to me and moved to stand in front of me to watch me open it, and it wasn't lost on me that he seemed to be trying to block the parents from seeing me open it.

I pulled the bag open and saw a small black box sitting inside of it. I looked at him, and then looked back at the box my breath coming a little more quickly of its own accord. I took it out of the bag with a slightly trembling hand and pulled it open. Set into the velvet cushion inside was a beautiful ring. It was like two silver vines had been braided together with a ruby hear set in the center where they connected.

"Oh Cedric," I gasped, looking up at him. "It's so beautiful."

"It's a promise ring," he said quietly, reaching out so he could put it on me. "It's a promise of my future intentions.'

I stared into his eyes for a long time letting what he said sink in. I felt something swelling up inside of me at the idea of eventually becoming his wife and it made my heart thud in my chest and my chest rise quicker with each breath. He started to look nervous when I hadn't said anything and I realized what he might think my silence meant.

"Thank you," I breathed reverently. "I like that idea very much."

He leaned in and kissed me fiercely, his fingers threading into my hair and holding me tightly. When we pulled apart we saw that all three of the adults were pretending not to notice what we were doing. Cedric sat back down and took my hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the ring on my finger with a smile on his face. We enjoyed the rest of the evening together and then the Diggory went home.

* * *

The rest of the time leading up to the Quidditch World Cup was a whirlwind. I had to go to several rehearsal, which were always very early in the morning. My annoyance at being so tired was staved off by the fact that I got to meet so many different people while I was there. I had met both the Ministers from Ireland and Bulgaria, and they both assured me that my pronunciation was very good. Cornelius Fudge always seemed to be present beaming in the background when I was shuttled around to meet dignitaries and the two Quidditch teams. I had met him at the first rehearsal, and he made a point from then on out to always be present if I was going to do anything other than practice.

I saw a lot of Bagman and Crouch and I got to know them a bit better. I liked Bagman, though I was starting to notice that he wasn't very responsible. Or very organized to be honest. Crouch was very responsible, but he was not much fun to be around. They did balance each other out nicely though.

As I met more influential people, and Fudge kept up with that proud smile, I started to suspect I had gotten the job more for my name than I had for any talent I might possess. I tried to keep that out of my head while I worked because it upset me, but it was starting to look more and more like the British Ministry just wanted to flash a famous name around while so many foreign wizards were in country.

By the time the match was a few days away I was practically living at the stadium. They had set up a tent for me to use during long breaks, and when I wasn't there I was in the stadium working on my performance. Some of the impressiveness of the golden stands had worn off on me after seeing them so often, but I still filled with excitement every time I sang in there.

Bagman probably would have preferred to just teach me the Sonorus spell so he didn't have to cast it for me each time, but I wasn't allowed to do magic, and if they gave me permission to do so in such a public situation it would cause them quite a few problems. I was pretty sure I'd be able to cast it on my own just from how many times I had seen it done now, but I didn't dare try. I also had to remind myself that the Quietus spell needed to be cast afterward. I tended to forget that, and then I would hear myself chattering about water or something equally inane for the entire world to hear in an amplified voice.

The day of the match Cedric had to leave early to go with his father so they could get their tent set up, and I didn't get a chance to see them before he left. They were going to take an portkey with the Weasley, so I told him to say hello for me, and I was planning to meet up with him after the match. I was staying in the VIP section at the campground, alongside the two teams as well as the important government officials from all three countries. Our tents were nearest to the muggle home of the land owner because we were considered the group least likely to give away the use of magic.

Albus had been planning to stay with me and attend the match, but something had come up at Hogwarts so he was going to have to go to the school. He agreed to stay and apparate me to the grounds like we had planned, but then he was going to leave. He said he had already made arrangements for me to travel back with Cedric and his father so I just had to make sure to meet up with them when everything was said and done.

After I showered we had a quick breakfast and then it was time to go. He took my hand and apparated me right to the front of my tent. I still couldn't believe how small the tent looked from the outside. I never would have believed we could both fit inside if I hadn't already seen it for myself. I hugged Albus goodbye and he wished me luck before he apparated away.

I pushed back the flap of the tent and stepped inside glad that my things were already there waiting for me. It was still weird even after using it for day to see that the tent looked like a two bedroom flat inside. There were two beds at the back, and they each had a flap that could be zipped closed for privacy. There was a full bathroom behind another privacy flap, and a cozy little living room with a small kitchen off to the side. On the coffee table there was a vase full of stargazer lilies and a not. I went over to the table to see who had written me a note.

_Ms. Bianca Potter,_

_Your outfit for the evening is handing in your bedroom. Please be dressed and ready by one hour before the sun sets. An official will be by to escort you into the arena. As you know after your performance you will be seated in the top box next to Cornelius Fudge. The same official will help you find your seat while the mascots from each country perform. Payment for tonight's performance has been deposited directly into your vault at Gringotts. Thank you for your services._

_Barty Crouch_

I read the note again and then checked the sky outside. It didn't look like the sun would set too soon, so I decided to duck out and check out the vendors before getting dressed. I grabbed my bag and headed out to explore. There were all sorts of witches and wizards about, attempting to look like muggles. I noticed that the people camped nearest to me seemed to be doing the best job, and I thought that might be because they words for the government and were required to do a good job.

As I passed out of my section I saw some people who weren't really even trying to appear to be muggles and it made me giggle. I saw an old man in a flowered nightgown carrying a water pail back to his camp and I had to stifle a laugh. I saw a mother engorging and shrinking a worm to entertain her young son as he sat in the grass laughing. I saw two witches cook a strangely shaped animal on a purple fire and I wondered if they would get into trouble for being too conspicuous.

I finally made it to the vendors and it was hard to choose from all of the different items that were up for sale. I had to be very blunt with a man trying to sell me a flying carpet to get the fact that I was not interested across. In the end I bought a pair of omnoculars, a miniature of a Firebolt that flew around a few inches about your hand when you held your palm flat, and a pair of four leaf clover earrings. I wasn't supposed to pick sides too publicly as I was technically part of the staff, but I couldn't help but show support for my team.

I took my treasures and hurried back to my tent when I saw that sky had started to get a bit darker. I put my tiny Firebolt in my bag along with my omnoculars and after thinking about it I put my earrings in there as well so I could put them on after singing. I would have to leave my bag with ministry official while I performed, but then I could have my things while I watched the match.

After a lot of shopping I had finally picked an electric blue dress for tonight because it matched my eyes so well. The skirt was flowing satin that gathered a bit around my hips before spilling to the ground like a waterfall. The bodice of the dress was a glittery material of the same shade of blue, with the blue satin of the skirt crisscrossed over it. The two strips that crisscrossed around my torso wrapped over my right shoulder to make the one shoulder strap on the dress. The strap as wrapped in the back so it left my scars covered in the front and the back, but the rest of my back was exposed down to the waist.

Since the dress went all the way to the ground I wore simple black flats underneath it. I spent awhile putting a slight curl in my hair before twisting it up into a loose and slightly messy bun with some curls falling around my face. I didn't put much makeup on other than a bit of eyeliner and a slightly pink tinted lip-gloss. I was just replacing the cap on my glass when I heard a man's voice outside the tent call out my name.

"Just a second," I called, checking my reflection one more time before hurrying out to meet him.

"Are you ready to head up to the stadium Ms. Potter?" he asked.

"Yes," I agreed quickly.

"Do you have a cloak?" he asked looking around as people started gawking at me. "We have a bit of a way to walk and people will stare. Not to mention that it may get cold this evening."

"Um, I think Albus put my cloak in there, let me go check," I said as I ducked back into the tent. Sure enough it was there, and I grabbed it quickly before joining him once more. "Alright now I am ready."

"Let's go the shall we.' He said, offering me his arm once my cloak was latched in place.

He was probably worried about me tripping, assuming that I had chosen to wear heals. I chuckled at the idiocy of such an idea, but I took his arm anyway. He was quick as he walked through the crowd but he didn't go to quickly for me to keep up.

"So what is your name?" I asked, trying to make conversation as we headed to the stadium on a different path than the masses were following to get to their seats.

"My name is John Dawlish," he said plainly.

"I think I've heard your name before," I mused as we walked on. "Are you an auror?"

"I am indeed," he said with a polite nod.

"I suppose I am in very good hands then," I laughed. "Not that I am likely to have to worry about it at such a jovial event."

"Hopefully not," he said a bit more seriously than I would have liked. "You just never know with some people."

We didn't talk much more after that. He led me through a hidden door in the elaborate golden wall. There was a corridor for us to follow out to the pitch, and I saw that there were several openings along the way that led up to the stair cases full of spectators. I started to get more nervous as we drew closer, but I took deep breaths and tried to keep calm.

He walked me all the way up to the opening where we were just out of view. Then he let go of my arm and he helped me to take my cloak off. He offered his hand to take my bag, and told me he would keep them both safe while I was performing. I nodded stiffly feeling my nerves get the better of me, and then he wished me luck and cast the Sonorus charm on me.

He slid back into the shadows to wait and I stood just inside the opening of the tunnel waiting. I focused on breathing evenly, but quietly, as I listened to the muffled sounds of people moving in the seats above me. They echoed in the somewhat dark tunnel and created an eerie yet exciting environment and I felt my nerves slowly dissipate.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, the national anthems for Ireland and Bulgaria will be sung for you by England's very own Bianca Potter." I heard Bagman's voice say before the stands exploded with clapping and cheering.

It was a surreal moment as I stepped out into the spotlight. It was strangle easy to forget that the applause was due to my famous name, and feel very special indeed. I walked out onto the bit of ground that was temporarily charmed white so it would stand out against the vibrant green grass. I stepped onto it very carefully knowing that it would start to rise up into the air once both my feet were on it.

I was struck by just how many people were here as it began to rise. There must have been hundreds of thousands. They blurred into seas of red and green and it was mildly disorienting. When the platform was fifty feet into the air the music for the Irish national anthem began to play, and I started to sing even as the platform continued rising. I was glad to hear that none of my nerves showed in my voices as it rang out across the stadium. I could make out the green clad fans growing more and more enthused and bouncing in the stands as I sang their song and it made me feel amazing.

There was deafening applause when I finished their anthem. From where I stood on the magically hovering stage I could see the Irish team waiting to fly out onto the pitch and they were cheering like mad as well. I waited patiently, and when the applause died down the music for the Bulgarian National anthem started to play. I focused on getting all of the pronunciations perfect so as not to offend anyone. I watch as this time the red clad fans got worked up, and I could see that quite a few of them were singing along as they swayed back and forth.

There was intense applause again when I stopped singing. My platform lowered itself back down as they applauded, and I fought the urge to wave to people. I didn't want to appear childish. As soon as I was back on solid ground the bright white disappeared and I was walking across a pristine green field. I walked as calmly as I could back to the tunnel I had come from, and I thought that this might be what it felt like to be incredibly drunk. I was so happy I might be able to fly without a broom. Dawlish took a moment to remove the Sonorus spell when I was out of sight of the crowd and I released a loud puff of breath.

"You have a very beautiful voice," he told me as he helped me to fast my cloak on once more and handed me my purse. "Shall we go find your seat?"

"That sounds like a great plan to me," I smiled as I took his arm. "Lead the way."

We moved quickly through the stands now that everyone was seated. WE had to climb many sets of stairs and traverse a quarter of the distance around the arena to get to the top box, but I could tell it would be worth it the second I stepped into the box. You could see the entire pitch perfectly. They might as well have played the match in my lap. I hurried over to my seat next to Fudge and slid into place without drawing too much attention to myself.

He clapped his hands together and congratulated me on a job well done before focusing back on the pitch where the two teams were being introduced. I tried to focus on them, but I became incredibly aware of the fact that I was seated next to the Malfoys. I kept my arms in my lap with my cloak hiding them when I realized using the arm rest meant putting my skin within a few inches of Draco's. The three of them gave me a glare, all at different points, then proceeded to pretend I was not seated there which was perfectly fine by me.

When I looked forward I saw that Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys were all seated in the top box as well. I wanted to tell them hello but they were focused on the picture. I decided it would be easier to catch up with them later and instead pulled out my omnoculars. I also quickly put on my earrings, noticing guiltily that the Bulgarian minister frowned at me when I did so.

It was the most intense game of Quidditch I had ever seen played. The players moved so quickly that without the omonoculars there was a lot of things I would have missed. It felt as if the players could read each other's minds, as they moved so perfectly with one another. I could imagine Cedric practically losing his mind over how well the Irish chasers were playing. Viktor Krum was clearly the better seeker however. The Irish seeker kept crashing into the ground.

In the end Bulgaria caught the snitch but Ireland won the match. The stands were in complete pandemonium as they went wild with cheers and the like. The two teams marched up to the top box and the Irish team was given the Quidditch World Cup before they flew off to do a victory lap. The Bulgarian team was very cordial about their loss and exited quietly.

After the stands had settled down a bit, and some of the people had already left for their tents I got up to head back to my tent. I hurried to catch Harry, Ron, and Hermione before they had left our booth and gave them all hugs. They were as excited as everyone else in the crowd and practically shouted their congratulations at me before they were headed off after Mr. Weasley.

I never did find Dawlish in the madness of the crowd, and I was worried about getting seriously lost if I strayed too far from the path I knew to find Cedric or his father. I decided to simply meet up with them in the morning, and then I made my way back to my tent in the VIP area. I was feeling a bit long, but I ignored it and stripped out of my fancy dress to take a shower. Once I was clean and warm I dressed in my nightgown and climbed into bed. I drifted off to sleep with thoughts of quaffles and snitches.


	39. Chapter 39

_**Song for this chapter: Bleed it out by Linkin Park**_

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I woke up, kicking the blankets off of me and feeling warmer than I had any other night during the summer. I lay there staring at the canvas ceiling and listening to the yelling that I heard outside. After a moment though I realized it wasn't people still cheering about the win. People were screaming. I sat up in bed, and that was the enormity of my situation his me. I could see the flickering of flames outside the tent, but I could also see that the edges of my tent were curling in. They were black and burning. I needed to get out of the tent before the flames started blocking the way.

I jumped out of bed, my heart slamming in my chest as I slid my black flats back on my feet. The smoke was growing thicker and making it hard to breath, but I quickly threw on my cloak and snatched my purse off the table as I flew toward the opening of the tent. I pulled my wand out as I went hoping I wouldn't have to use it and land myself in legal trouble.

I skittered to the side as I exited the tent and found myself right beside a mass of black clad bodies. I bit my wand hand to stifle a scream when the fingers of my left hand trailed through the fire that was quickly destroying my tent. Panic mixed with pain clouded my mind and I just started running. I was trying to get away from the group in silver masks, and staunchly ignored the group of muggles being levitated above them. I was scared for them, but I had no time to try and save them when I was in the thick of the crowd and not allowed to use magic.

I ran alongside the group trying to get free of them without being forced back into the racing line of fire. I trod on the hem of someone's robe and lost my footing. The person pushed me down into the dirt and I felt kicks land on my side, but I tried not to cry out and draw even more attention to myself. I felt certain that I had just gotten caught in the crossfire of something that didn't involve me, and I didn't want anyone to figure out who I was. I felt a few more kicks as the crowd of mad men noticed me at their feet, but the violence stopped as they drew past me. The cheers and jeers moved further away from me and I let go of the breath I had been holding to keep from screaming.

I waited a few seconds and then I pulled myself stiffly up out of the dirt. It felt like I would end up with some bruising, but there didn't seemed to be any serious injuries. I dusted the dirt off of me with my uninjured hand and took a look at my surroundings. Many of the tents around me had already burned to the ground. I could see the tent I had been sleeping in was now fully ablaze. There were a few other people milling about looking as lost as I felt. They were wandering between the burning tents looking for something, maybe loved ones, I didn't know.

I looked toward where the mass of bodies was and I saw some of the ministry officials I had seen in the week leading up to the match flitting around trying to get the muggles down as well as trying to get other wizards and witches out of the way. I wondered why they weren't doing something to the actual masked wizards, but perhaps I didn't understand what I was seeing I had been kicked in the back of the head at one point.

I wanted to getout of there as quickly as I could, so I decided to look for the Diggorys. I moved slowly not sure where to look as I hadn't heard where Cedric and his father were going to be camped. I followed behind the group, keeping my distance, and looking for either Cedric or Amos. I wandered between burned and overturned tents for a while until I reached an area of the campground that hadn't been quite as devastated. There were more people here, and I saw that lots of people were heading toward the trees. I decided to follow them hoping that Cedric would be one of the people in the trees rather than one of the people trying to stop the masked men.

I ran into the trees looking at the faces around me. I recognized faces from school, but I couldn't seem to find any of the people that were close to me. I felt my heart start to race in my chest gain the further I ran without finding anyone I really knew. My breathing was getting more difficult and I was startled to realize that I was about to start crying. I slowed to a walk, trying to get myself under control. I rationalized that this situation wasn't so bad. I hadn't been burned alive in my tent; I'd barely been burned at all really. I would have a few scrapes and bruises but over all I wasn't really injured. I was feeling a little lost, but it wasn't like I would never find anyone I knew. At the very least I could always seek out a ministry official and have one of them create a portkey for me if I needed to.

I was just about to turn around and head back out of the trees, since I clearly wasn't going to find Cedric or Amos in here. Then through the trees I saw a familiar group of people in front of me. I hurried after the spiky black hair, tousled red hair, and bushy brown hair.

"Harry?" I called, and when he turned to look I saw for sure that it was him.

"Bianca is that you?" he called, probably unable to see me very well in the darkness.

"Yeah, wait up for me," I called, running once more to catch them.

"Hey, why are you covered in dirt?" Ron asked when I reached them.

"Long story," I groaned, trying to brush the rest of the dirt off of me with my wand hand. "Where is everyone?"

"Everywhere," Hermione said. "Everybody scattered when the attack started, and we haven't been able to find anyone."

"Who are those guys?' I asked, looking around to make sure none of them were herein the trees with us, but we were completely alone.

"I don't really know," Hermione sighed. "We're hoping to get more answers from Mr. Weasley comes to get us."

We were still talking when Harry started to look into the darkness. He seemed sure that he saw something just out of our range of sight in the trees. We all started looking and trying to hear something. We didn't see anything, but we suddenly heard a rough male voice say some sort of incantation. A green skull with a snake wrapped around it appeared in the sky and the screams and panicked sounds erupted once more in the woods. I had no idea what the sign meant, but it didn't inspire good feelings when I saw it.

The woods around us filled with sound again. There were pops all around us, and wizards were appearing in a circled around us. I saw Amos Diggory among them and I was instantly relieved. I think that relief kept me from fully understand when Harry told me to duck. I hesitated one second too long, and I didn't duck or draw my wad quickly enough as a red beam of light hit me squarely in the chest.

I was down, and then it seemed I was immediately back up. One of the ministry officials must have revived me after they stunned me, but I couldn't be certain. I sat up and stared at Amos. He was holding my wand and he didn't look very friendly. He performed some sort of spell on my wand, and began regurgitating a silver cloud. After it fully emerged from the tip it coalesced into a ghost form of the butterfly I had conjured for Cedric on the train home.

Something about this butterfly relived the suspicious look in his eyes and he handed my wand back to me. There was more discussion about not suspecting our age of conjuring the Dark Mark. I wondered what the Dark Mark was, but when I looked at the others they seemed to know what he meant so I just assumed it had been discussed while I was unconscious.

Hermione pointed out where we had heard the voice and Mr. Crouch went into the woods to see if the culprit could be found. He came back with a house elf named Winky. For some reason she had Harry's wand, and as it turned out, his was the wand that had cast the curse. There was a lot of discussion of the crime that had happened, and Winky was dismissed from service but my mind was caught on the spell that had been cast on Harry's wand.

When everything was said and done we were all free to go. As the group began splitting up and many wizards apparated away I turned my attention to Mr. Diggory. He seemed a bit hesitant to meet my gaze as I approached him.

"Mr. Diggory," I said quietly when I came to a stop in front of him. "Were you checking my wand to see if I had cast the Dark Mark?"

"Yes Bianca, I had to," he said kindly.

"So you think I would conjure the mark that terrifies people, even though I just heard of it tonight?" I asked a bit louder than I had intended to.

"No I don't think you would cast it," he assured me quickly.

"But you did before," I pointed out. "You didn't trust me, so you have to check my wand to be sure?"

"It was protocol Bianca," he explained.

"I see," I said quietly, not voicing that he had only checked mine. "Well with all due respect sit, I think I am going to be going home with the Weasley's tonight. I'll send an owl to let Albus know of the change in plans."

"If that's what you want to do," he said awkwardly. "I'll send word to Albus straight away since you won't have access to an owl for several hours."

"Thank you," I said stiffly before I turned on my heal and left him standing alone in the forest to catch up with the Weasleys.

It only took me a moment to catch them. I asked Mr. Weasley if it was okay for me to travel home with them. I assured him I would go straight home and that I wouldn't be a burden; I just needed someone to catch a ride home with. He said it was perfectly fine, and that I was welcome to stay at the Burrow until Dumbledore could come collect me.

I followed the group back to the tent and saw that they actually had two tents one for the girls and one for the boys. I followed Hermione into the girls' tent and Ginny joined us shortly after. There were only two beds and the two girls were immediately debating who would sleep where, but I assured them that I had already gotten quite a bit of sleep and wanted to just read the book in my bag after grabbing a shower. They fought a little longer, but something about my face convinced them to just go to bed. I wondered just how much of my emotion had been showing on my face just then but I certainly wasn't going to ask.

Once they had climbed into bed I went into the bathroom. I pulled off my cloak and clothes to assess the damage. The burns on my fingers were blistering, but there wasn't much I could do now without the help of magic or potions. The scrapes on my cheek and my arms looked like they needed to be washed, but they would heal up quickly. I could see a few bruises already starting to blossom on the pale skin of my torso, but they didn't hurt as bad as bruises I had sustained in the past so I hardly paid them any mind.

I took a long shower, trying to focus on getting all of the dirt out of my hair instead of how offended I had been by Mr. Diggory's behavior. I couldn't help but feel betrayed by him. Know that he thought my brother and myself capable of using such dark magic was just not something that sat well with me. I didn't know how to make that something I could be okay with. Yet I thought it wrong to stay mad at him. He had raised the man that I was in love with. That meant something didn't it?

I resolved that I couldn't make any sort of decision about the situation while I was still so upset and I clamored out of the shower. I dressed in the jeans and t-shirt I had been wearing when I first arrived yesterday since my nightgown was covered in dirt. Part of the sleeve was still clean so I awkwardly tore it free and used the clean fabric as a makeshift bandage for my burned fingers. The last thing I needed was for those blisters to get infected.

I slipped quietly back out into the main part of the tent and saw that both of the girls were sound asleep. I tiptoed over to the little chair closest to the only lamp in the tent and then I just sat there staring into the light. I had lied when I said I had a book in my bag, but I wanted it to look like I had been reading before I fell asleep so I tucked my bag into my lap as if I had put my book away before drifting off, and then I curled up using the armrest as a pillow to rest my forehead one. I drifted off to sleep with my injured hand tucked protectively under my torso and hoped that I would have a less chaotic awakening in the morning.

* * *

Hermione gently shook me awake sometime later with a knowing look in her eyes but she said nothing. I joined her in helping to tear down the tent, though my work was hampered by my limit of one usable hand. Everyone was quiet when we worked, but I noticed that Harry looked at me with concern when he finally saw me, and I wondered vaguely if my face had bruised in addition to the scratches. It was too late to check now so I just followed the group as they began to filter out of the camp site. We caught one of the portkeys out of the area.

I had to walk slower than the others to keep from demonstrating how much pain I was in. I hoped they would all assume that I was just tired and not read much into it as I lagged behind them. I reached out my good hand and held onto the battered old boot, and felt a pull behind my navel before we disappeared from the camp grounds and re-appeared a short walk away from the Burrow. I walked slowly behind everyone as we entered the yard, and I saw Molly Weasley dash out of the house and start pulling people into bone crushing hugs.

I ducked halfway to the side so she couldn't hug me fully, and managed to keep most of my injuries from being squeezed. She didn't seem entirely surprised and again I wondered how bad I looked. But then I saw the sad smile on her face and I remembered that the last time I had seen her had been after my first year, and she probably thought my behavior had something to do with Draco Malfoy.

I decided to just let that go. I wasn't that skittish little girl anymore, but it would take time for her to realize that on her own. Once she bustled everyone inside, and forced a huge breakfast upon us, I pulled her aside for a private conversation. When we were safely out of earshot of the others I spoke to her.

"Do you have anything I could put on a burn?" I asked her quietly.

"What burn dear?" she asked kindly as she led me into a side room near the kitchen.

"This one," I said as I unwrapped my left hand to show her the blistered burns on my fingers. "I tried to dodge the fire, but I clearly didn't do a very good job of it."

"Oh dear," she said as she took my hand gently and lowered it into what looked to be a small sink set in the cabinet full of supplies she was looking through, and she began to wash it as delicately as she could. "Arthur didn't mention a fire. That man is always playing everything down to me."

"Well not really," I said quietly, doing the best I could not to wince while she worked. "I wasn't with the others when I had my little run in with the fire."

"When did you run into the fire?" she asked with an edge to her voice, and I thought I might understand why Mr. Weasley might play things down to her. "Where were you before you joined the others?"

"I ran into the fire when I first woke up," I told her quickly. "I was in my own tent, which was on the other side of the grounds. I woke up from all the yelling and I went to find the others."

"You're not telling me everything," she pointed out bluntly. "A mother always knows."

I said nothing in response. I stared pointedly at my hand as she gently dabbed a bright orange cream onto my fingers. It immediately relieved the pain, and my shoulders slumped in relief. I stared at the orange paste, watching it slowly be absorbed into my skin and disappear.

"Out with it Bianca,' she said sharply, drawing my attention back to her. "How did you burn your hand?"

"I was trying to sneak past a group of wizards," I answered quietly, quailing under her fierce gaze. "My hand got to close to the burning tent. I pulled it out of the fire right away, but the damage was already done."

"What group of wizards?" she asked as she wrapped a new bandage around my fingers.

"_The_ group," I said softly, refusing to use the name they called themselves.

She gasped, and just stared at me. I couldn't quite meet her gaze.

"Who's tent was burning?" she asked as she pushed my hair to the side and began investigating the scrape on my cheek.

"There were quite a few tents set on fire," I hedged, choosing to look down at her hands on my cheek rather than meet her gaze.

"How did you say you woke up again dear?" she asked, lowering her head so her eyes fell into the path of my gaze once more.

"Yelling," I admitted reluctantly, knowing that she was going to keep pushing until I told the truth. "But I actually woke up because of the heat. It was terribly hot in my tent so I woke up, and then I heard the yelling and commotion outside."

"The heat," she said stiffly her eyes growing wide. "Your tent was burning?"

"Yes," I admitted quietly. "But only a little… I go out before it really went up."

"Not unscathed though," she said with a pointed glance at my hand before returning to her charm work on my face. "And these scrapes? Where did they come from?"

"I tripped when I was running away," I rushed, wanting to just get it all out before I lost my nerve again. "I fell into the dirt, and I got kicked about a bit as they passed, but they left me there. I was able to go find cover in the woods."

She stopped again, and she was just staring at me. Her eye seemed to be searching for something in my face, and I thought they might be glistening with tears so I looked away. I didn't want to encourage emotion here or I might give in to the sadness I felt in my chest. I wanted to just forget this entire night. It had been one bad moment after another, and I was so angry about it. I didn't like feeling that way.

"Well I can mend these scraps in a jiffy" she said finally, seeming to be in control of her emotions once more. "Is there anything else that needs tending to?"

"I wouldn't say no to a bruise past if you have any," I said casually. "If you don't have any I would be just fine with another of your home grown apples."

"I'll get you both," she said with a small smile. "Then perhaps you'd like a nap?"

"Oh that's alright," I shook my head. "I think I'd like to head home. It's just that we don't keep a lot of potions at our house… so I thought I would check with you first."

"Alright dear," she said kindly, though I could tell she didn't like my plans in the slightest. "I'll just grab those things for you then."

I was only left waiting in the little work room for a few minutes. She returned with a small jar in one hand and an apple in the other. I took both with a beaming smile on my face.

"Thank you Mrs. Weasley," I said before giving her another hug gingerly. "I think I should be going now."

I hurried off before I could change my mind about staying. I crossed quickly out of the yard of the Burrow and started off down the dirt road that would lead eventually to the paved and more densely populated roads. The Weasleys lived nearly ten miles away so it took me quite a while to walk home, but I was glad for the exercise and a moment to just think to myself. I was still waiting for my anger and sadness to go away, but the walking helped a bit.

* * *

I was hidden away in my room moping when Albus came home that evening. I heard him moving about the house for a bit before he came up, and when I saw the relief on his eyes to see me lounging on my bed I realized he must have been searching for me throughout the house. I wondered why he hadn't called out to me, but I didn't ask.

He sat down on my bed and pulled me into his arms and just held me as if he was assuring himself of my safety. I gathered from the things he was murmuring into my hair that Mrs. Weasley had already spoken to him. He asked me to tell him the full story, and I did not hesitate with him. I told him about everything that had happened, and how scared I had been throughout all of it. I asked him about the Death Eater, and he told me everything he knew about them as well as his suspicions about what they had been up to at the World Cup.

Eventually he went to down to have something to eat but I stayed in my room. I found that I was still quite angry about everything that had happened so I didn't leave my room much over the course of the next few days. I holed up with my books on wandlore and wand woods and I refused to come out except to have meals with Albus.

Cedric sent me an owl, but I sent her away without taking the letter. The owl was clearly offended, so I apologized to her, but I still did not take her letter. The owl was just as unhappy with me the next day when I refused her post again. I was so very angry with Mr. Diggory that I couldn't even bring myself to read a letter from Cedric. I was sure that it would be an explanation of his father's behavior and I didn't want to hear it. Not yet anyway.

After I had been hiding out in my room stewing in my anger for nearly a week I heard thundering footsteps race up the stairs. There was a pounding at my door and I gasped. I rushed over to it, assuming that it would be Albus. He had never been one for fiery anger, but he was the only other person in the house. Or so I thought; I was quite surprised to find a pink face Cedric standing in the doorway to my room.

"What are you playing at woman," he shouted at me as he stepped into the room and started pacing in front of my desk. "Refusing my owls? My father wouldn't even tell me where you had gone. I thought you had died or something!"

"Well, I'm not dead." I deadpanned, refusing to join in the screaming match. "Obviously."

"Well, why are you refusing my owls?" he asked, lowering the tone of his voice by several notches.

"I didn't want to speak to you," I said icily. "I would have thought that much would be obvious."

"Why?" he asked, and the hurt became obvious in his voice.

"I don't know," I grumbled, throwing myself a bit dramatically down onto my bed. "I'm just so mad at your father, and every one of those wizards that were there that night. And… well, I don't know. I am just so mad."

"You're mad at my dad?" he asked, clearly confused.

"Yes," I said plainly.

"Why?" he questioned, his voice cracking a bit.

"Why don't you ask him?" I balked. "Or did he really not tell you that he thought I cast the Dark Mark, and he couldn't be sure I hadn't until he took my wand from me and cast prior incantato on it?"

"No… he didn't" Cedric said, his voice unreadable. "Surely he was just doing his job."

"If his job is to have zero trust in me, then I am not sure I want much to do with him," I said petulantly as I folded my arms over my chest.

"That isn't fair Bianca," Cedric said, his ire growing once more.

"No, your father was unfair," I yelled at him, my calmness finally snapping out of existence. "I am nothing if not loyal Cedric. You know that, and your father should know that. It is a great betrayal to think me to have so little loyalty that I would cast such a spell. Let alone even know such a spell."

"I know you are loyal," he told me softly, crossing over to the bed so he could brush my hair out my face. "It's what I love about you. I'm sure my father didn't mean to insinuate that you weren't."

"I'm not sure that his intentions matter as much as how his actions were received," I pointed out, my voice cold once more. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Fine," he said stonily, dropping his hands to his side. "But will you at least stop avoiding me? I didn't do anything to you did I?"

"I suppose not," I sighed, dropping my defensive stance. "I shouldn't be made at you, I know that."

"I was so worried about you," he admitted, his voice wobbling a bit. "When my owl came back with the letter I thought… I thought maybe there was no longer a recipient to receive it."

"Oh Cedric," I sighed, pulling him down to sit with me on the bed, and wrapping my arms around him in an effort to assuage his fear. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

"I'm sorry too," he sighed into my hair as he hugged me back. "For my dad I mean."

"I love you," I whispered into his chest as I let all of the tension bleed out of me and just held him.

"I love you too Bianca," he whispered before tilting my head up so that he could kiss me.

* * *

The rest of the summer passed without incident. I spent most of my time with Cedric, though I did not go over to his house at all. Albus was off on business frequently, though it sounded like he was wrapping up the plans on whatever would be going on at Hogwarts this year. It left Cedric and I with plenty of alone time in the house, and I couldn't complain. We were beginning to test the boundaries of our physical relationship and I found it to be quite the pleasurable experience.

I kept hoping that Albus would tell me what he was working on, but he was a very good secret keeper. He told me things that were important, so I knew this must be some sort of fun surprise, but the longer he went without telling me the more desperate I became to know the truth. I found I couldn't wait for school to start if only to find out what all the secrecy was about.

I got my first hint of what he might be working on when it came time to shop for this year's school supplies. The list from the school was mostly like the list of books I had received every year so far, but I noticed that I also needed dress robes this year. I wondered what could be happening that would be so formal but there were far too many options to choose from. It also made it hard to decide which robes would be the most appropriate, but in the end I was pleased with what I had chosen and felt it would work no matter what event I was attending.


	40. Chapter 40

_**Song for this chapter: Flying and Flocking by Zoë Keating**_

* * *

On my last day before having to return to Hogwarts I cashed in my certificate for an hour with Olivander. He was very happy to see me when I arrived, and I was surprised when he invited me right into the back of the shop. I sat on a stool beside his work bench, staring around his work room in amazement. There were things everywhere, and frankly it was completely unorganized but you could feel the magic in the air.

Just hovering my hand over the basket with bits of holly wood in them sent a tingle up my arm. It must have had something to do with the aura of the shop because magically ingredients had never made me feel that way in potions. I felt as if I were holding something as precious as an infant in my hand when he placed a small slab of vine wood in my hands for the lesson.

"The most important thing when carving your wood is to follow the natural inclination of the wood," he explained as he handed over a small knife. "Each piece of wood has a different feeling. It has a different desire for how it wishes to be shaped."

"Is that why not all wands are straight, and come in different lengths?" I asked him as I held my tool in one hand, and the wood in the other, not ready to bring them together.

"Yes," he nodded with a smile. "It is also why some woods do not pare well with certain cores. The wood of the cyrpus tree for example would never pair with the chimera scales in your wand. It would reject them on principle because the two essences are so very different."

"Do wands always have to be in the form of a stick?" I asked, sure that I would get a strange look for where my curiosity led me.

"I have never considered making something else," he said with a tilt of the head. "What are you thinking of."

"I saw Albus do wandless magic once," I explained, amazed at his ability to make me feel completely comfortably no matter how strange my idea was. "I was rather jealous, because I do not seem to be able to manage it no matter how hard I try unless I am in some sort of emergency situation. I just thought, what if there was a different answer."

I paused, trying to find the best way to word what I meant and he waited patiently with his hands folded before him and his head still tilted to the side. His eyes had a somewhat distant look in them and I wondered what ideas were flitting through his head.

"I think that wandess magic is most handy when a wand is missing, or impractical at the moment," I went on. "So I thought, what if you could make it nearly impossible to lose your wand? What if you could make it so that the wand was very practical, as if it were just an extension of your hand?"

"The wand is that in a way isn't it?" he questioned, and I got the impression that he was playing devil's advocate.

"It is, but you still have one had that is not free to do anything other than hold your wand," I pointed out. "But what if you could wear your wand on your hand? Would it be possible to create ring with wand wood that has a magical core, and use that to channel your magic rather than a wand?"

"I do not know," he admitted while he tapped his chin and stared off into space. "It is a very intriguing idea though isn't it? Would you mind terribly if I experimented with that idea?"

"Not at all," I assured him with a beaming smile. "I'd like to hear if you succeed though."

"Oh if it were possible I could promise you would own the very first one I made," he said with a beaming smile of his own. "But for now, let us work on your carving technique. Always work away from the body."

He began arranging my hands in the proper position, and then he set to work demonstrating how I should cut the wood. He was very patient with me, and I quickly learned each step of preparation. I could see how such a task could become easy with practice, but for the first time doing it I found myself extremely challenged. We burned quickly through the hour that had been paid for, and he simply waived it off and continued to teach me without expecting any sort of compensation for it. He seemed to really like working with me, and I certainly enjoyed working with him.

"You will be in your fourth year now won't you?" he asked when we finally set aside the piece of vine that was prepped and ready to have a core inserted into it.

"Yes I will," I nodded as I ran my fingers over the now smooth wood.

"I hope in a few years when you graduate you will think of me," he told me as he cleaned up the bits of wood that had been left behind and added them to a basket full of vine wood. "I should like to take you on as an apprentice at that time."

"That would be an honor," I gushed, unable to contain the smile that was so wide it hurt my cheeks.

"Keep in touch, I will want to know how your studies are going," he told me. "There isn't a precedent for what courses are expected as I have never taken on an apprentice, but I should like to know that you've taken care of magical creatures and herbology."

"Yes sir," I nodded, suddenly quite glad that I was already enrolled in both of those.

* * *

I rode with Cedric's family to the train station, but I did not speak to Mr. Diggory. I caught him watching me in the rearview mirror several times, but I did not make eye contact with him. Unless he apologized first, I had no intention of talking to him. When we got to the station, I hurried to get my trunk loaded onto a trolley and wheeled it off toward the door while Cedric said goodbye to his parents.

Cedric caught up to me just as I was approaching the magical entrance. He offered me a soft smile as I leaned casually against the wall and slid through to platform 9 3/4 . I pulled my trolley out of the way, and waited for him to come through as well. He joined me just seconds later, and we made our way over to the train to queue up behind the other students who were boarding.

Once we were aboard we went in search of an empty compartment. We saw the compartment with Harry, Ron, and Hermione in it during our search and I made a mental note to go back and see them once we were settled. We had to go nearly to the end of the train before we found a compartment that was empty. We were joined shortly after by Ernie McMillian and Cho Chang, and Cedric helped Ernie load all of the trunks into the racks.

We sat together discussing the World Cup for an hour, and I had to remind Ernie twice that performing for an international audience didn't mean that I was a different person now. He seemed to think that it was cause for a change in my status, and fully expected me to become a professional singer. He didn't seem to want to hear that I wasn't actually interested in fame and fortune. When he started to really annoy me I kindly told everyone that I was going to go check in with Harry and made a quick escape from our carriage.

"Hello Harry," I said quietly as I slid into his carriage.

"Hello Bianca," he smiled, looking up from his conversation with the other boys. "We were just talking about my famous twin."

"Funny," I laughed somewhat darkly as I sat down on the floor next to him. "I'm always hearing about my famous twin as well."

"Yeah, yeah, you're both famous," Ron joked. "But people just haven't heard of me yet. One day everyong will know about Ron Weasley the famous sidekick."

"That sounds pretty epic," I said with a shake of the head. "How does one become a famous sidekick?"

"You have to befriend quite a few famous people," he explained in mock seriousness. "So far I had you two, but I have plans to befriend Viktor Krum… as soon as I can afford a trip to Bulgaria that is."

We laughed about Ron's plans and then returned to conversation about the World Cup. While we were talking we were interrupted by Draco Malfoy and his stupid friends. I still had hate for him that boiled up within me each time I saw him, but I was getting much better at controlling it. Her started going on about what would be going on at the school this year, and how his family was so superior because they knew already and I lost my grip on my temper.

"Right, right," I interrupted. "So what is it that's going on this year Draco?"

"Well if you don't know, then I am certainly not going to tell you," he sneered, though I saw a nervous flicker in his eyes when he turned to look at me.

"Of course, if you really knew you would be bursting at the seams wanting to tell someone wouldn't you?" I said with a terse laugh. "Why don't you run along with your little cronies to talk to people who actually believe your hogwash?"

"Look whose brave now that they think they're famous," he said icily as he back out of the compartment.

"It's couldn't possibly be that I know who you really are Draco, now could it?" I called after him before grabbing a chocolate frog from Ron and devouring it whole. "Eventually I will learn to control my temper. Until then I think I should be going."

I walked out of the compartment and went off to rejoin edric once more. I wondered why lately I seemed to eat more when I was upset. It felt like the opposite of what I had been doing last year, but if I started monitoring my intake due to anxiety would I fall back into the same pattern as before? I pushed that through from my mind as I sat down and leaned into Cedric's embrace. I opted not to tell him about my run in with Malfoy.

* * *

When the train rolled to a stop, I groaned at the rain that was pouring down outside. Cedric chuckled at me, and reminded me that I wouldn't melt as he pulled me close to him and opened an umbrella over us so we could step out onto the platform. We hurried over to the carriage to get out of the rain. I felt badly for the first years. They may as well swim across the lake at this rate.

The ride up was quick, but still as bumpy as ever, so we refrained from talking much. We raced into the entrance hall in an effort to keep dry only to be met by Peeves who was hurling water balloons at everyone. We skidded across the floor, narrowly missing being hit, and dove into the great hall. I kissed Cedric quickly, and then I went to sit at Gryffindor table.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny joined me shortly thereafter. We didn't get much chance to talk before it was time for the sorting. I tuned out the sorting hat son and watched the sopping wet first years instead. They were so tine, and they looked like they had nearly drowned on the way to the school. One first year in particular looked like he must have fallen into the lake. He appeared to be wrapped up in Hagrid's moleskin jacket. He was sorted into Gryffindor and when he came to sit down I realized he was the younger brother of Colin Creevey. They looked like they could be twins.

Albus was doing his start of term address when the door to the great hall banged open and in walked a garish looking old man. He had a gnarled walking stick that matched his appearance rather well. He had a great big false eye with an electric blue iris that was whizzing around taking everyone in. He approached the head table, and after a brief whispered conversation with Albus he was announced as Professor Moody, which would be taking the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts.

After that the announcements got more interesting. Albus announced that the Triwizard Tournament would be taking place at Hogwarts this year. There were whispers of excitement from those who knew what he was talking about, but I had to listen to the explanation as I had never heard of it before. Apparently it was a magical competition between the three largest wizarding schools in Europe. It was historic, but had been cancelled when the death toll had climbed too high. It was being reinstated this year, but here were special rules to keep the contestants safe this time around. The first rule was an age restriction.

Anger erupted around me in the students who were below the seventeen year age limit. I personally had not ambition to compete so I didn't care. I was glad that most everyone I was close to was too young to compete. I cringed however when I remembered that Cedric had turned seventeen this summer. I looked across the hall at him, and I saw excitement gleaming in his eyes and I knew he would enter. I groaned.

The speech ended and the feast went on. We were tucking in and carrying on conversation with Nearly Headless Nick. He was telling us what a big commotion Peeves had cause earlier in the day. Apparently he had been banned from the feast yet again, and he went into a tizzy over it. He had tossed up the kitchens and create mayhem for the house elves.

"Excuse me, did you say house elves?" Hermione interrupted.

"Well yes, who do you think cooks the food here at Hogwarts?" Nearly Headless Nick scoffed.

"Hermione dropped her fork and refused to keep eating. I could see the beginnings of a fit developing and I had to fight not to roll my eyes.

"Hermione, did you really not know there were house elves here at Hogwarts," I asked her quietly.

"No, I did not," she grimaced.

"How did you think the castle got cleaned, and the food cooked?" I scoffed. "That's rather naive of you don't you think?"

"I'm sorry it is naive to assume that Hogwarts would not employ slave labor," Hermione snapped at me.

"How about we don't fight about this, Harry interjected quietly.

We both glared at him, but opted to stop fighting as well. I really liked Hermione, but something she really bugged me. She had such idealistic views of the world and thought that made her better than others. OR maybe she didn't feel that way, but that was certainly how it came across sometimes. It made me angry, but perhaps I was guilty of the same issue.

* * *

The start of term was much like any other, except that there was more excitement than seemed usual. The Weasley twins were plotting ways to get into the competition even though they were not old enough. And everyone, literally everyone was talking about Moody. It sounded like his classes were… intense for lack of a better word. I was muddling through my Runes homework, and trying to survive Hagrid's Blast-Ended Screwts so I could make it to Thursday and find out what all the hype about Moody really meant.

When Thursday finally arrive, I was standing right with everyone else in the large queue waiting for the class to start. Hermione arrived at the last minute, and we were all ushered inside. I sat at the same table as never, and waited patiently for the lesson to start.

Moody began to explain that we needed to understand what was waiting for us out there, and that was when I understood that this was not going to be a nice lesson. He explained that he was going to teach us about the unforgiveable curses, and that was when I began to grow nervous. I didn't know what they were, but you didn't earn a name like that lightly.

He explained Imperio first and told us that it was a spell to control the minds and bodies of others. Then he cast it on a spider that was sitting on his desk, causing it to tap dance. Everyone seemed to be laughing but I didn't find it all that funny. Apparently neither did Moody, and he immediately reprimanded that class. He told us how people had been under the imperious curse during the last war, but other had only claimed to be. How people could do unspeakable things, and be unable to stop themselves because they were not in control of their own bodies.

The next curse he demonstrated was the Cruciatus curse. I saw Neville stiffen beside me at the mere mention of it and I became much more nervous. Moody enlarged the spider so we could better see what was going to happen, and then he cast the curse. The spider began to twitch and squirm and I thought for sure it would be screaming if it could. Neville locked down and looked like he might be sick. I sneakily reached my hand out and took his in mine. I wanted to give him some sort of comfort and perhaps to comfort myself a bit as well. I wasn't so sure that Moody should be showing us these things.

When he stopped the curse, I gave Neville's hand a squeeze and then I let it go so no one would notice that I had been holding his hand. I didn't want to embarrass him. Moody then asked what the last unforgivable curse was, and Hermione was surprisingly tentative about raising her hand. My trepidation grew. Hermione was never worried about providing an answer. She very nearly whispered the answer of the killing curse and without further prelude Moody turned his wand on the final spider and said Advada Kedavra. There was a flash of green light and the rushing sound of something swiftly approaching before the spider fell over dead.

As I heard the rushing sound it was like I was seeing a different room and a different time. I was still aware that Moody was talking, but I couldn't hear him anymore. Instead I heard a male voice calling out and I saw a vaguely familiar room. I was in the living room of a quaint little house and my face was pressed up against the woven material of a sweater belonging to the man who was yelling. The room flash green as a high pitched voice cast the killing curse, and the same rushing sound flew towards me. A blinding pain erupted in my back and my chest directly where my scars were located.

I was pulled back to the present by a gentle squeezing of my fingers. I looked down and saw that Neville was now attempting to comfort me, and Moody was staring at me from the front of the room. I got the feeling he had just been talking about me, as some of the other students were staring at me as well while the others were staring at Harry.

Moody ended the lesson and told us we were free to go. Neville let go of my hand, and I gathered my things to leave. I could see that Harry was looking at me like he wanted to talk to me, but I wasn't ready for a conversation about what we had seen or what it had made me remember. I hurried out of the classroom on my own and went to wait in the corridor leading to the Hufflepuff common room. Cedric would be heading there after his charms lesson and I wanted to intercept him.

I only had to wait a few minutes before I saw him coming down the corridor with a couple of his friends. When he saw me something about my face must have said that I wanted to speak to him in private because he sent his friends away. He was walking much more quickly when he hurried over to me.

"Are you alright?" he asked me quietly as he pulled me into his embrace.

"I don't know," I whispered into his chest. Can we go for a walk or something?"

"Sure," he agreed quickly. "Do you want me to put our bags in my common room first?"

"Sure," I agreed, not really caring, just wanting to be with him.

He hurried off with our things and I stood there still feeling incredibly lost. He came back just a few seconds alter empty hands and wrapped my arm around his. We walked back out to the entrance hall and the quickly out onto the grounds. It was starting to grow colder as we drew closer to October, but the weather was still fairly warm out today. Cedric rubbed the back of my hand soothingly and for a while we just walked in silence slowly making out way to the grove our trees by the lake.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked after we had been walking for a while.

"I had my first Defense lesson with Moody today," I said quietly. "I wasn't expecting it to be so… formidable."

"What was the lesson?" he prodded gently.

"The unforgivable curses," I whispered.

"What?" he gasped, his rage clear as day on his face. "You're only in your fourth year, it's not even legal for him to be teaching you all about those."

"I know," I whispered, unaffected by his outburst. "But he said Dumbledore wanted us to know what is out there."

"Why would… I mean… I guess I can't really expect to understand the things that Dumbledore wants," Cedric deflated. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I said again, my voice cracking. "They were all horrible, but seeing the killing curse, it was just… so… I mean I remembered when I heard the sound. I don't want to remember something like that."

"Oh no," Cedric breathed, stopping and pulling me into a crushing hug.

"I don't…" I started to say before I burst into tears and smothered my face against his chest.

"Shh, shh," he soothed as he gently lowered us to the ground and held me closely to him. "It's okay. I'm here. I've got you."

"H-how can my memory of i=it be so clear?" I choked into his robes. "I was o=only one, I sh0shouldn't be able to remember."

"I don't know," he crooned softly, rubbing my back in a soothing gesture. "the mind is a strange thing."

I cried into his chest without talking for a long time after that. The images kept replaying in my head as he held me, and after a while I became desperate to be free of them. I pulled back, tears still flowing freely, and stared at Cedric's face as I held onto his robes with both hands. I made a snap decision as I stared into his caring eyes.

"I don't want to think about this anymore," I coughed, wiping my tears roughly before leaning into him more closely. "Distract me."

Cedric stared at me for a moment, not seeming to understand what I was asking him. I pulled his robes, still latched in my hands, and pressed my lips forcefully to his. It only took him a second to respond and then his lips were moving with min, giving me something else to think about. He placed his hand on the small of my back and supported me as he gently lowered me into the grass so he could hover over me.

"Tell me when to stop," he whispered huskily into my ear before his lips dance across the sensitive skin of my neck.

I closed on hand in his hair, the other clasping his tightly were it was held above my head. He kissed me until I was breathless and used his free hand to push my robes to the side exposing the outfit I had on underneath. He ran his hand over my tank top, massaging the muscles of my stomach and I couldn't help but groan. I pulled his lips back to mine and I kissed him with abandon. I only allowed myself to think about how his lips felt on mine and the tingles he sent through me when his strong hands moved over my body.

He let go of my hands so that he could both of his hands on my waist, and I moved my free hands up to cup the side of his neck. He moved his hands slowly up my ribcage causing me to tremble, and when his hands splayed across my chest I arched up into his touch gasping against his lips. Even through the layers of clothing I could feel the heat of his hands searing against my nipples and it made me quiver in the most delightful way.

He released my lips and started to kiss a hot trail down my throat while he continued his ministrations. I found myself gasping for air and writhing beneath him completely lost in the feel of him. I felt heat everywhere. He kissed my collarbone and then he gently lay his face against my heaving chest before he looked up at me. Just with his eyes he was asking for permission, and I gave him a gentle nod telling him he could do what he wished.

He pulled my tank top down and kissed each inch of exposed flesh as he went. My eyes drifted closed and I groaned again, fisting the grass in my hands. He pushed my tank top and bra completely to the side, and then he took my heated and hardening flesh into his mouth and I gasped at the sensation.

"Cedric," I moaned, not even sure what I was trying to say. "Oh Merlin."

He hummed with delight, and the way it felt against my skin was like an entirely new kind of magic. He released me from his lips and I wanted to moan with displeasure. He pulled my clothing back into place so I would not be exposed and then he climbed back up to reclaim my lips. His knee fell between my legs as he climbed, and when I felt it press against my center I moaned at the sensation. My heart began to race even faster than it had been and for a moment all I felt was pleasure. But as the wave of it crested I realized that I felt something else behind it. I had only been touched there on other time in my life, and it suddenly popped into my mind causing my breath to come in short uncontrolled gasps.

"Stop," I whispered softly in between kisses. "Stop."

Cedric listened immediately, rolling to the side, and pulling me with him so that he was laying in the grass holding me against his heaving chest.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, his breathing as ragged as mine.

"Yes," I said quickly, placing my hand over his heart so I could feel it race like mine. "I just needed to stop."

"I don't want to go too far too fast," he whispered, running his hands through my hair. "I love you and I want you to always feel safe with me."

"I love you too," I said. "And you always make me feel safe."

We lay there just holding each other, our breathing slowly returning to normal, until the sun began to set. When it was nearly dark and I was started to get cold Cedric helped me up and we walked slowly back to the castle. We went down to where his common room was, and he grabbed my bag for me before walking me back to the entrance hall. I let go of his hand, stole on last kiss, and then made my way up the marble stairs case to return to Gryffindor tower.


	41. Chapter 41

_**Song for this chapter: Cats In The Cradle by Harry Chaplin**_

* * *

During my next lesson with Moody I realized that the class as a whole was going to challenge me emotionally as well as ethically. He told us that he would be putting all of us under the Imperius curse, so we could learn to fight it off, but I found his morals to be suspect. I thought Hermione might actually storm out of class, she had certainly worked herself into a right state, but in the end she stayed.

I watched quietly as each member of the class was called up, and they proceeded to do ridiculous things while under the spell. Everyone seemed to be completely overwhelmed by it, and I had little hope that I would do any better. But then Harry was called forward, and when Moody cast the spell on him Harry just stood there. For a few seconds nothing happened, and then Harry smashed into the desk in front of him and Moody cheered. I was confused at first, but then I understood that Harry had been able to fight the spell off for a few seconds. Moody made him go through it several more times until he managed to stay completely immobile. Then my name was called.

I stepped forward nervously, and waited. Moody waved his wand at me, and I heard him utter the curse. I was expecting to immediately start doing something idiotic, but after a few seconds I realized that I hardly felt anything. It felt as if my mind was slightly unfocused, like I had just bumped my head upon my desk, but I could easily think through it. I thought I heard a faint whisper telling me to jump up and down, but it was like trying to hear through a bad radio that was mostly just static. Sometimes it was clear, but mostly it was just fuzzy nondescript noise.

"Bianca, do you even hear me?" he asked in a slightly annoyed voice.

"Sort of," I answered, turning my head to the side so I could make eye contact with him. "It's like a bad radio."

"Well, let's try again," he sighed before a look of determination overtook his features. "Imperio."

This time I kept my eyes on him instead of the class, and I saw how focused he was on me. His brow furrowed in concentration and then frustration. His features became only mildly interesting as a strong haze overtook my mind. I felt more relaxed than I could ever remember feeling in my life. It felt like I had just stepped out of a warm bath and was preparing to lie down for a nice long nap. Yet there was something more to it. Now it sounded as if he were whispering into my ear telling me to pirouette. The instruction came with a vague idea of what a pirouette was, but I wasn't incredibly motivated to actually do it.

The voice became a bit more persistent, and I felt slightly more compelled. Much like when a friend is begging you to do something. I still didn't want to do it at all, but I thought I might just to please him. But why did he want me to do it? What was so important about a silly dance move? I slid my left leg out in front of me, preparing to do it, but then I remembered that I didn't want to do a pirouette. I pulled my leg back and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Alright, very good," Moody said, and the fuzziness faded from my mind completely. "I'm amazed at your ability to completely ignore my most demanding commands."

"Thank you," I said with a slight smile as I walked back to my seat. "I've been known to be rather stubborn at times."

* * *

My other classes seemed almost blasé in comparison. Most of what we were covering in my core classes I had learned during my intensive study program over in America. If I were to imagine such a scenario ahead of time I would have thought that I would be excited to be ahead of the class, and want to finally stick it to Hermione for not being a know-it-all after all, but that wasn't the case in the slightest. Frankly I was bored. I didn't want to spend months doing review. Instead I found my mind frequently wandering during my classes, usually to thoughts of Cedric.

I continued to focus intently on two of my classes though. It was with thoughts of Olivander in my head that I blew through assignments for care of magical creatures and herbology. I was doing all the reading and assignments for the classes as well as pursuing my own outside reading. I wanted to know everything there was to know about any plant or animal product I might use in the creation of a wand. If I didn't have that particular goal in mind, I may have actually lost my mind as term went on.

My only distraction from my extracurricular studies was my extracurricular activities with Cedric. We frequently snuck off to the trees by the lake to spend time together, and I felt myself growing more and more comfortable with the idea of giving myself to him. It wasn't a subject we had discussed yet, but I could feel it in my bones that he wanted it. He was just too much of a gentleman to ask for it. I thought perhaps when I knew I was ready that I would end up offering it to him, and simply take the weight of that decision off of his shoulders.

* * *

Soon enough notices were posted around the school announcing the impending arrival of the Beauxboaton and Durmstrang students. I wasn't sure how it had happened, but suddenly it was almost Halloween without me even noticing.

They would be arriving on Friday, and the castle was undergoing a serious cleaning in preparation. It was a frequent occurrence to have to dodge out of the way of a frantic Filch bustling down the corridor with some cleaning apparatus in hand. I was torn between wondering what he really thought was at stake in relation to the cleanliness of the walls and wonder how I kept up ending up in the same place that he was working.

When Friday rolled around McGonagall gave us a stern talking to about looking our absolute best and being on our best behavior. I would have that that an unnecessary vocalization, but then I saw Harry and Ron pretending to sword fight with their parchment rolls and I realized that she really had needed to say it. Perhaps I had grown up a little faster than them, or perhaps it was just a boy thing to be irresponsible.

I took special care dressing that morning. My clothes were pressed and my robes were freshly laundered. I French braided my hair, and put on a bit of lip gloss. The other schools wouldn't arrive until early evening, so we had to attend the first part of the school day. I didn't really pay much attention though. I was thinking more about what the other students would be like, as well as worrying over whether or not Cedric would really be entering, and if he would be chosen if he did so.

* * *

The French students… were not my favorite. They arrived in their overgrown pumpkin like Cinderella, except too big and without enough grace. They laughed throughout Albus's speech, and didn't seem to have any respect for anyone around them. I was tearing them down pretty harshly, and I would be lying if I said it wasn't partly because of the way I caught a svelte blonde girl with a muffler looking at Cedric.

The Durmstrang students, who I assumed must be from Bulgaria as Viktor Krum was among their ranks, just seemed unfriendly or possibly just introverted. They didn't talk much, but they did seem to enjoy the food. I had to agree with them on that, the house elves had really outdone themselves this time. The food was absolutely decadent, and very diverse. I had ratatouille for the first time in my life, and I thought that might be the saving grace of the snooty French.

Barty Crouch and Ludo Bagman were present, and I sent them a small wave, though Crouch ignored it entirely. It looked like they were going to be present for all of the tournament since they were both judges. They outlined the rules more extensively, and then the Goblet of Fire was unveiled. It was an impressive bit of magic. The flames burned brightly without even scorching the wooden goblet. I had only seen flames contained perfectly in a glass jar up until now.

The feast let out, and after a brief hold up with the Durmstrang headmaster having a stare down with Moody in the doorway we were all off to bed. I said goodbye to Cedric, whispering in his ear to be safe but to be true to himself, and then I went off to bed. I was tired after the feast, but I also wanted to get to bed as early as I could so I could get up early in the morning as well.

When I followed Harry, Ron, and Hermione down in the morning I saw that the Goblet of Fire was set up in the entrance hall. There was an age line in place, and students were milling about either putting their names into the Goblet or watching other students put theirs in. Fred and George were thrown back after attempting to cross the line, and both were sporting long white beards that I couldn't help but laugh at.

The trio headed off to breakfast, but I stayed to watch a bit longer. I was milling about watching the different students drop their names into the fire when Cedric came up from his common room. My eyes were glued on him when he crossed confidently over the line and put the bit of parchment with his name on it into the goblet. He turned away from it and met my gaze before slowly walking over to me.

"Are you mad?'" he asked me as he pulled me into his arms and kissed the tip of my nose.

"No," I admitted as I tilted my head to the side to really look at hi. "You're really excited about this aren't you?"

"Yes," he said with a chuckle. "I think it would be pretty amazing to be chosen."

"You'd be all famous," I said playfully crinkling my nose. "Would you forget all about me?"

"Oh please," he laughed. "Shouldn't I be worried about you forgetting me? After all, you are already famous, and seem to get more so every day."

"That's laughable," I breathed as I wrapped my arms around his waist. "I'm okay with you entering though, really. I'm nervous about it, but I am okay with it."

"Good," he breathed before hugging me tightly to his chest. "Because I hate it when you're mad at me."

"Me too," I sighed into his robes. "It's lonely."

We walked around the grounds together for a bit after that. We got a closer look at the Durmstrang ship, and wandered past the Beauxbaton carriage. They were interesting, and we had time to burn until the feast tonight when we would find out whom the champions were. I could sense the nerves beginning to grow in Cedric, but he was too poised to admit it. I kept him talking about his arithmancy class so he wouldn't think about the tournament. We headed into the castle as the sun started to go down, and saw that people were starting to meander toward the great hall.


	42. Chapter 42

_**Song for this chapter: Sunrise by Doug Hammer**_

* * *

As we walked into the great hall I quickly combed my fingers through Cedric's hair, and smudged a bit of dirt off of his nose. If he were to be selected I didn't want him getting up in front of all three schools looking like he had just rolled around in the grass. He squeezed my hand comfortingly, and then were parted ways to go to our separate tables.

We had only been sitting for a few minutes when filch came through the doors lugging the pedestal that held the Goblet of Fire. When he set it in front of the head table the food appeared on the tables before us. We were having a feast again, but I was not nearly as excited about it this time around. I settled on a dish that I heard one of the Bulgarians over at the next table call beef pilaf. It wasn't awful.

People are their food quickly, and it was clear that everyone was far more interested in hearing who the champions would be. It was probably thirty minutes later that the feast finally ended, but it seemed much later. Eventually Albus stood, and the fames in the goblet turned from blue to red. We all focused in on the goblet as a piece of parchment blew up from the issuing sparks, and Albus snatched it out of the air.

"The champion for Durmstrang will be," he began, reading the parchment quickly. "Viktor Krum."

The great hall erupted with applause, and the broody duck footed seeker stood from the Slytherin table and walked purposely up past the head table and through the door behind it. The door closed, and there was a moment of quiet before the blue flames burned brilliant red once more. The sparks shot through the air, and a charred bit of parchment fluttered though the air and landed in a waiting hand.

"The champion for Beauxbaton will be Fleur Delacour," Albus announced.

The applause erupted again, though the Beauxbaton students did not seem as thrilled for her as the Durmstrang students had been for Krum. One girl actually burst into tears as Fleur flitted up toward the door behind the table. The applause died away before the door had closed behind her and everyone's attention turned immediately back to the Goblet of Fire. The sparks started to fly once more, and I sat forward in my seat, watching as Albus grabbed the charred parchment out of the air.

"The Hogwarts champion will be Cedric Diggory," Albus said, and it looked like he might say something else, but it was drowned out by the roar of cheers and applause.

I clapped as loud as the next kid, but it also felt like a balloon of worry was bubbling up in my chest. I had the feeling that it wouldn't pop until the tournament had ended and Cedric was safe once more. A good chunk of the student body was still clapping for Cedric when the blue flames turned red once more. Heads turned in confusion, and we all watched with interested as Albus took another piece of parchment from the air. He stared at it for a moment and then he looked up at the crowd of students.

"Harry Potter," he barked out.

I turned to look at Harry down the table. He was staring straight ahead, his face blank. Hermione nudged him, but he didn't get up.

"Harry Potter, please come up," Albus said in a firm voice.

Hermione all but pushed him up of the bench and he went. I stared in shock as he walked away and everyone began whispering about what was happening. The balloon inside my chest doubled in size, and I thought I might vomit. Would they actually make Harry compete in the competition? How had his name gotten in there? He couldn't have entered himself could he?

The heads of each school, Mr. Crouch, and Bagman all went into the room behind the head table along with Snape and McGonagall. Flitwick dismissed everyone, and I followed dumbly as everyone exited the great hall still whispering to one another. It was easy to see that the other schools seemed to think we were cheating. It seemed that a good chunk of Hogwarts was thinking that Harry was a cheater as well. I stuffed down my anger at them so I wouldn't start tripping people who were walking past me.

I walked with Hermione and Ron up to the common room. Hermione was worried, but Ron just seemed annoyed. I wondered if he was jealous but I didn't dare ask. He had a bit of a temper and this was sure to set it off. Ron retreated to the boys' dormitory but everyone else was gearing up for a celebration. Fred and George were passing out some of their new concoctions but when I saw a first year sprout feathers I made a mental note not to eat anything they touched.

I paced back and forth behind an armchair. I was trying not to draw attention to myself but I thought I might be wearing a track in the carpet. After a while Harry showed up and the party got a bit ridiculous. Harry was telling everyone that he didn't enter the competition, but no one seemed to believe him. He started heading for the boys' dormitory to get away from everyone but I cut him off.

"You didn't enter right?" I whispered, my hands convulsing on his wrists without my permission.

"No," he groaned, clearly assuming that I wouldn't believe him.

"I believe you," I assured him quickly lurching forward to pull him into a tight hug if only to assure myself he was there and still safe. "Do you have any idea who entered you? Does Albus?"

"No," he whispered, and while holding him this close I realized he was shaking and must be very afraid. "Moody recons someone is trying to get me killed."

I squeaked and squeezed him more tightly.

"Please be careful," I begged him, crushing him to me for a second longer before I released him. "You're my brother. I love you. I'm scared for you."

"Yeah," he said in a slightly strangled voice before he high tailed it up the stairs.

I hurried over to the other side of the common room and made my way up to my own dormitory. Hermione was getting ready for bed, and the other girls were still downstairs. Hermione looked as worried as me, but she wasn't talking, she was just staring off at the wall across from her as she straightened her bed for the thirds time. I watched her as I paced around the foot of my bed pulling on the ends of my hair as I tried to calm myself.

"You're going to rip all your hair out," Hermione said softly as she sat down on her bed. "Let's just talk instead."

"I can't even stand still," I groaned as I reluctantly let go of my hair. "I was worried enough for Cedric. Harry isn't even of age! He shouldn't have been chosen."

"I know," Hermione said quietly, patting the bed beside her. "I know."

I went, and I sat with her. I let her take my hand, and I squeezed hers back. My legs kept jiggling, causing the bed to shake a bit, but she didn't say anything. We just sat there for a moment letting it all sink in.

"How do we get him through this?" I whispered.

"It will be work," she answered softly. "This tournament is beyond anything we have been taught. We will have to go to the library a lot."

"The library," I said with a choked laugh. "You already live there."

"Yeah, I guess I do," she chuckled. "We will find a way Bianca, we always do."

"I hope so," I said, letting go of her hand and standing up. "I think I am going to go grab a shower."

"Alright," she said, and I could tell that she was worrying about me.

I grabbed my pajamas and went into our bathroom. I set my things on the counter and turned the tap on to let it get warm. I undressed and found myself standing in front of the mirror examining myself. It was such a familiar pattern that I didn't immediately realize what I was doing. It suddenly dawned on me and I was shocked when it hit me that I was doing it again, and I was in fact unhappy with what I was seeing. I made my mind up to go see Flitwick tomorrow and climbed into the shower.

* * *

When I woke up on Sunday I was still feeling very anxious. I threw on my track pants and a thermal shirt, thinking about going for a walk and headed downstairs. It was plain to see that Harry and Ron were not talking to one another and I decided not to address it for the moment. My nerves couldn't take their testosterone-fueled madness right now.

I headed out of the portrait hole, deciding to swing past Flitwick's office before heading down to grab a bite to eat. I hurried down to the third floor, and I knocked on his office door. There was no answer so I knocked again. When there was still no answer I began pounding on the door, my anxiety clawing at my chest. Still there was no answer, and I turned on my heal deciding that I what I needed to get this horrible feeling out of my chest was a nice long run.

I walked down to the entrance hall and quickly pushed open the massive doors and walked out into the crisp fall air. I hopped down the stairs and started to stretch. It was chilly and I almost wished that I had my cloak but I knew I would warm up once I started running. When I felt limber enough I began to jog away from the castle.

I slowly picked up my pace as I moved past the green houses and around the edge of the castle. I didn't want to run past the lake or Hagrid's hut and end up passing the other students' homes. I just wanted to clear everything out of my head, so I ran around the backside of the castle where the ground was move uneven and hardly ever used. I pushed myself until I was just shy of sprinting, listening to my breaths coming in pants that slowly fell into a rhythm with my feet crunching on the frosty grass. I ran until my muscles burned and only slowed down to a job when I rounded back around passing close to the forest on my way back to the castle.

When I was within 100 yards of the wooden doors once more I slowed to a walk and pushed my sweaty hair out of my face. I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe he sweat from my forehead before I rolled up both of my sleeves in an effort to cool down a bit. I was back to breathing almost normally when I pushed my way through the castle doors. I nearly crashed into Cedric as he came out of the great hall and hurried over to me.

"Hey, I've been looking for you," he said with a smile. "What were you doing outside? Your cheeks are all red."

"I went for a run," I answered, delicately sniffing myself and then grimacing. "And apparently I could use a shower."

"Have you eaten yet?" he asked, his eyes crinkling with quiet concern.

"No," I said honestly. "I'll grab something after my shower."

"I'd feel better if you ate first," he said softly. "You know how I worry."

"I know," I said quietly. 'I promise I will grab something after. I just feel really gross right now. You can even hang out with me while I eat if you are worried."

"I'd rather hand out with you while you shower," he whispered in my ear as he walked with me toward the stairs.

"You," I laughed. "How about I grab a shower, and then a sandwich, and afterward I will meet you by the library and we can hang out."

"That sounds like a plan to me," he said with a slight pout before he gave me one of his sparkling smiles.

I gave him a quick kiss goodbye and hurried up to Gryffindor once more. I rushed through a shower, and put on jeans and a sweater, throwing my hair into a sloppy bun while still wet. I went back down to the great hall and slunk in just as lunch was getting ready to end. I hurried over to Gryffindor table and snatched a sandwich and a napkin before they disappeared and then left. I ate my sandwich as I walked back upstairs, and though I was supposed to be meeting Cedric I decided to swing by Flitwick's office quickly. This time the door was open and I could see him sitting at his desk.

"Professor Flitwick," I said rom the doorway waiting until he looked up to continue. "I was wondering fi I could set up a meeting with you in the near future."

"I have time right now if you want to come in," he said with a soft smile that nearly hid the look of concern in his eyes.

"I have somewhere to be right now," I explained. "Would tomorrow afternoon work for you?"

"Sure," he said pulling open a book on his desk and looking quickly through it. "How about three o'clock?"

"Sounds great," I agreed, memorizing the time. "see you then."

I hurried off to meet up with Cedric, feeling lighter already, and found him leaning casually against the wall next to the door leading into the library. When he saw me he smiled and stood up straight. He offered me his hand, and I took it before we continued on down the corridor.

"So," I started a bit edgily. "You're a champion. Congratulations."

"Thank you," he said softly, caressing my knuckles with his thumb. "And so is Harry. How are you dealing with that?"

"Yeah," I chuckled nervously. "That's not sitting too well. I can't believe they are actually going to make him compete."

"He's bound by the rules of the competition," Cedric said sadly. "There was quite a row over it last night."

"What all happened last night anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Well they all debated if Harry could or would compete for a bit," he explained. "And then they told us some about the first task. It wasn't very helpful though."

"And…"I prodded. "What did they say about it?"

"It is going to be on the 24th of November," he said. "It's meant to test us, so we are not allowed to know anything about it until the day of."

"You're going in blind?" I groaned, absolutely terrified about how we were going to keep Harry Alive without anyway to prepare. "This is awful."

"It isn't the end of the world," he soothed, gently running his fingers down my back. "they won't put us into a situation we can't get ourselves out of."

"Maybe seventh year students," I moaned. "but even then, how can you know you are ready? How can you be sure?"

"I will just prepare for a multitude of situations," Cedric said, sounding as if he were bracing for an outburst. "Trust me Bianca, I can handle this."

"I trust you," I whispered, stopping from our walk so I could pace back and forth in the corridor. "I'm just worried, about both of you."

"We'll both get through it," he said, following me in my pacing. "He's got both you and Hermione to prepare him. He'll probably end up winning the whole thing."

"I'll help you too," I said, stopping so I could burry my head in his shoulder and let him wrap me up in his arms. "What's that?"

I pointed at the wall beside us where something was growling slowly across the bricks.

"I think it's a door," he said, staring intently. "What floor are we on again?"

"I think we wandered our way to the seventh floor," I answered looking around and noticing that we were standing by the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. "What?"

"I think maybe I've head of this place," he said reaching for the door handle when the door became fully formed. "I think this is the room that recreates itself based on the needs of those who are in front of it. What were you thinking of just now?"

"Just wanting to keep my loved ones safe," I admitted with a shrug. "What were you thinking about?"

"Wanting to make you feel better," he said with a smirk. "Let's see what the room came up with."

He pushed open the door, and I immediately noticed that all of the walls were padded with what looked to be plush black velvet. Perhaps the room thought this would keep people safe? There was a bed in the room, and a chandelier with candles burning in it hung lower from the ceiling. I smirked at Cedric and walked into the room.

"Ah, I see what you were thinking about now." I laughed. "You sir have a one track mind."

"It cannot be helped," he chuckled. "However, I think we could think up all sorts of other things for the room to create for us."

"How about a game of wizard's chess?" I asked, focusing on how much I wanted the board, and when I opened my eyes I was standing in front of a table with two chairs and a fine chessboard. "Well how about that?"

We sat down and began to play chess as we talked about different ideas for what might be coming in the first task. We whiled the day away scheming about duels, obstacle courses, and all sorts of different potential challenges. It made me feel better to think up solutions for other possible problems, and I made a mental list of spells to ask Harry if he knew how to cast them, and a few that I should probably learn myself. We had a bit of a snog session, and then we parted ways for the evening.

* * *

When classes resumed things grew a bit more intense. A bunch of students were wearing badges that said support Cedric Diggory. On its own that wasn't very bad, but they alternately flashed Potter Stinks and I could see that it was grating on Harry. He and Ron still hadn't patched things up, and he seemed more tense than ever.

There was a ceremony a few days later where the wands of the champions were weighed to assure the were up to standard for the competition. I wished I had gotten the chance to see Olivander while he was present in the castle, but he was long gone by the time I heard from Cedric about what had happened. Cedric told me that there had been a reporter present, and their pictures were taken but he doubted it would be much of a story in the paper. Harry didn't even mention it to me, so I believed that it was of little consequence.

I was distracted from thoughts of the interview by Harry receiving post from Sirius anyway. Sirius was going to give him a floo call and I was anxious to talk to him as well. I hadn't developed as close of a relationship with him as Harry, but I did feel drawn to him. Of course we still had the unresolved issue of our run in on Halloween last year anyway. Harry did want help getting the common room cleared out, but it sounded like he wanted to talk to Sirius alone. I tried not to be offended, but I was… just a bit.

The next day the story ran in the paper like Cedric told me it might, but it was nothing like what he had described. I could tell he was just as flabbergasted when he set the paper down in front of me on the library table when we met in between classes. I could see lines of annoyance on his face as well, so I quickly looked down at the paper. I started to read and I quickly understood what was bothering him. The entire article seemed to be about Harry. It made him sound like some tragic child that had been thrust again into the spotlight. Nearly everything in the article was a lie, but people didn't know that. Cedric was barely even mentioned anywhere in it.

"You know it's not about popularity to me," Cedric said quietly when I had finished reading. "But Harry is not the only champion. He isn't even a legitimate one."

"I understand your frustration," I soothed, rubbing the back of his hand in a soothing gesture. "But I doubt Harry had anything to do with how the article was written."

"Maybe he didn't," Cedric sighed, his eyes drifting shut. "It just makes me so…"

"I know," I sighed, using my other hand to brush his cheek with my thumb. "I know."

"This too shall pass," he said finally, his eyes opening and locking with mine. "I lost my patience for a bit, but I am fine now."

"Yes you are," I chuckled, winking at him.

There was a lull in the drama for a bit and I was grateful for it. When Harry's floo call finally came around he had double booked himself with a meeting with Hagrid on the same night. I wanted to smack him, but instead I focused on making sure the common room would be clear for him when he returned from the grounds. When everyone was finally out, Hermione and I headed to bed hoping that Harry would be back in time to receive his call.

The next morning Harry approached me with a grey face and whispered in my ear that the first challenge would be dragons. Each of them would have to get past one on their own. I gripped both of his shoulders tightly trying to control the panic that was boiling up in my chest, completely incapable of speech. He told me that he was going to tell Cedric, as he was fairly sure Cedric was the only one who didn't know yet. Madam Maxine and Karkaroff had been present the night before to see them as well. I stood staring after him when he walked away rooted to the ground by my fear.

I stood there waiting to stop feeling like I was going to vomit but it didn't pass. In fact the next thing I was sprinting off toward the bathroom and actually vomiting. I brushed my teeth and set off to potions, planning to track down Cedric afterward. I struggled to concentrate on the antidote I was brewing today and I was fairly certain it would have burned straight through a cup if I had actually poured it into one.

I rushed to clean up at the end of the lesson and ran out of the room. I sprinted up to the fourth floor corridor where I knew Cedric would be getting out of an astronomy lecture. As soon as I saw him, I honed in on how pale his skin looked and I pushed myself to move faster.

"So you've heard then?" I asked as I reached out to take his hand in mine.

"Yeah," he sighed, pulling me against his chest and squeezing me tightly. "Dragons."

"Merlin," I sighed into his robes, feeling sick all over again. "What are going to do about dragons?"

"Well I was thinking I would try transfiguration," he whispered as he released me from the hug and then ushered me into an empty classroom. "Try and distract the drag… that makes sense doesn't it?"

"Yeah I think so," I aid, thinking it over. "If you can get the dragon to go after something else, it shouldn't be too difficult to get past it right?"

"Right then," he said, trying not to look nervous. "I'll practice that spell. You should help Harry; I haven't got a clue what he should do. Are his transfiguration skills up to the task?"

"I'm not confident that will work for him…" I trailed as I wracked my brain for an idea. "I need to think… He needs to do something that he is already good at… We'll come up with something."


	43. Chapter 43

_**Song for this chapter: Ignorance by Paramore**_

* * *

The last few days leading up to the task were beyond stressful. Hermione and I worked tirelessly to get Harry up to the level he needed to be at for summoning his broom from the castle down to the arena they would be competing in. It was a long distance to summon it across, but if we could get the broom to him he had a fighting chance. The boy could fly. By the wee morning hours of the day of the challenge it seemed that he was finally ready.

I was not, and never would be. My nerves were completely shot, and I hadn't even seen Cedric in two days. I was going to need another session with Flitwick at this rate, because I was spiraling down into a nervous shaking wreck who couldn't even stand the sight of food let alone the thought of eating it.

I overslept after so much time not sleeping, and completely missed my runes class before the challenge. I grabbed a bit to eat at lunch, though it tasted like sawdust, and then I headed to my charms class. I didn't focus on the lecture about color changing charms at all. Instead I spent the hour staring out the window trying to see where the dragons were being kept. I could only make out a tent off in the distance, and I assumed that would have to be the location of the task.

Flitwick eventually dismissed us and instructed us to journey down to the tent that was erected out near the paddock past Hagrid's hut. We would be seated while the task was explained to the champions, and it would be starting within the next twenty minutes or so. I would have liked a chance to see Harry or Cedric before the challenge, but I was quickly ushered into the stands and never got the chance.

I took a seat right up at the front of the stands next to Hermione and Ron. I waited, holding my breath for most of the time. Albus explained that each champion would be fighting a dragon, and most everyone present was shocked. They would have to retrieve a golden egg from the nesting mother dragon. My anxiety spiked higher. Would either distraction technique wok on such a devoted dragon? I couldn't' be sure.

The task began, and the first champion to be announced was Cedric. My heart flew into my throat. I clamped my hands down on the wooden barrier in front of me, and leaned forward to watch closely as Cedric emerged from inside the tent. People were cheering for him, but I just stared. My throat was tight and I wasn't sure if I was going to cry or scream. My body locked into place as if I were made of stone.

He first tried to just move out into the open, as the dragon appeared almost to be sleeping. He stepped on a rock, knocking it free and sending it clattering toward the dragon's nest. This brought the dragon up from its false slumber and it shrieked at Cedric, shooting a flame at him. I gasped and leaned further out over the railing to see him better.

"Ooh, narrow miss there, very narrow," Bagman said, and I wanted to smack him.

Cedric rushed to get behind a boulder that was near the nest, dodging several more streams of fire to get there. My heart was racing and my eyes burning as I fought off the desire to cry.

"He's taking risks this one!" Bagman shouted, and I found myself muttering shut up over and over again as my eyes followed Cedric in the arena.

He transfigured large rock into a Labrador and set it running to the opposite side of the arena to draw the dragon's attention away from his hiding place. When the dragon began to roar that the dog he snuck out from his hiding place toward the nest. He was nearly there, and the dragon hadn't noticed him yet. I held my breath, watching even more closely as his hand closed over the egg. I was about to cheer, when the dragon decided it was no longer interested in the dog and went after Cedric instead. Cedric didn't manage to dodge this new jet of flame and he head caught fire. I was screaming as I launched out of my seat.

"Clever move, pity it didn't work!" Bagman cried.

Cedric quickly extinguished the fire as he ran for it. Before I could even think about what I was doing I was forcing my way out of the stands and racing for the tent I saw Cedric race off too. I heard cheering, and more speech from Bagman, but I didn't care. I needed to be certain that Cedric was okay. They must have given him marks because the cheering grew even louder, but I was in the tent before I thought to look and see what he had gotten.

I raced over the where Madam Pomfrey was working quickly over Cedric. His eyes were shut tight against the pain and it made me worry even more.

"Is he alright?" I cried, hurrying behind the curtain he that separated him from the rest of the tent.

"It's alright Bianca," he soothed in a slightly muffled voice from under Madam Pomfrey's arm. "I'm fine."

"You aren't fine," I screeched, moving around so my view of him wasn't being blocked anymore. "You've had your head set on fire!"

"It's alright, it barely even hurts now," he continued in the same soothing voice as Madam Pomfrey applied bright orange burn past to the side of his head. "The cream is working really well. Though my face will probably be mangled now. Are you alright with dating a troll?"

"It shouldn't scar at all Mr. Diggory," Madam Pomfrey said with a small smile. "We will have to leave the past on for the rest of the night, but you should be completely fine by morning."

"Oh thank Merlin," I sighed. "I'd still have you if you were a trill though Cedric, don't you worry."

"Oh good," he chuckled. "I was nervous for a moment there."

"Liar," I laughed, taking his hand and squeezing it in my own, reassuring myself that he was right there and that he was fine.

I heard muffled cheers, gasps, and announcements coming from outside the tent, but I was too focused on Cedric to pay it much attention. It was just occurring to me that I should go back out and watch Harry take his turn when Harry was walking into the tent. He had a gash on his arm, but even he didn't seem to care much about it. I rushed over to give him a hug before Madam Pomfrey started treating him, and then hurried back to where Cedric was sitting.

I could hear Madam Pomfrey carrying on about the ridiculousness of having dragons at the school, but I was a bit preoccupied with trying to see if Cedric had burned all of his hair off. His head of hair seemed to be fine, but I couldn't tell through the goop if he had lost his eyebrow or not. I was interrupted from getting the orange goo out of his hair for him when Cedric was told he had to return to the champion's tent for further instructions.

I waited patiently outside while they received instruction and after a few minutes Cedric emerged from the tent carrying his egg alongside the other champions. The reporter Rita Skeeter appeared out of nowhere trying to get Harry to comment for the paper, but Cedric and I hurried off before she could say anything to us. I spent an uneventful evening watching over Cedric in the hospital wing until Madam Pomfrey woke me up from where I had fallen asleep in my seat and set me back to my dormitory.

When I arrived in the common room the celebration of Harry's good job was still going on. I was regaled with the blow-by-blow retelling by Ron, and had to offer up several apologies for missing it before Ron forgave me. I eventually made it up to my dormitory to get ready for bed, and had to flick a strange looking beetle off of my robes before changing into my pajamas. Was it even warm enough for beetles to be out? I put it out of my mind and climbed into bed.

* * *

The next morning was interesting to say the least. I sat with the newly released and completely healed Cedric at breakfast. So I was there when his morning paper was delivered, and saw the front cover first had. I was surprised to see my own face staring back at me. I couldn't remember any such picture being taken, but there I was on the cover of the paper holding hands with Cedric. Other's might not be able to tell since it had apparently been taken in the medical tent, and his face was hidden behind the curtain, but I recognized where we were. I snatched the paper up off the table and started reading when I saw the headline.

_**The Girl Caught Between Two Champions**_

_This paper reported to you that Harry Potter had been named a champion, but they did not originally make any reference to how that might have made his twin sister feel. Bianca Potter, the newly discovered musical sensation, and legendary girl who survived the killing curse thirteen years ago, now finds herself in quite the predicament. Her twin brother has been registered in a competition, which she fears he cannot survive, as well as her fiancé Cedric Diggory. This reporter herself has seen the ring that Ms. Potter is wearing, and must admit her Beau has wonderful taste._

_Her affections are torn between wanting her brother to succeed, and wanting her lover to win, though it appears to some that she has chosen her side. Ms. Potter did not even watch her twin brother perform the first task yesterday afternoon, as she was seen canoodling with Cedric Diggory in the medical tent. Good friend of Harry Potter, Ron Weasley gave Ms. Potter a verbal thrashing that same evening and would not accept her apology for her incredible rudeness._

_This reporter wonders where Ms. Potter's head is at, and if anything would cause her concern for her brother's safety. This reporter also has it on good authority that Bianca Potter did not even attend the celebratory gathering in honor of Harry Potter. Perhaps someday soon, those around Harry Potter would treat him with the care he deserves._

I set the paper down and I turned to look at Cedric hoping he could somehow alleviate the pain in my chest. I could tell from the anger on his face that he had been reading over my shoulder. I acted on impulse and leaned my face into his shoulder as I closed my eyes against the tears that I could feel welling up behind my lids.

"I want to set that woman's quill on fire," Cedric growled quietly as he pulled me tightly against him and wrapped me up in his arms. "How did she know any of that?"

"I don't know," I said with a shaky voice that betrayed the tears I was trying to stave off. "When could she have seen my ring? And if she had wouldn't she recognize it for what it is?"

"Well it's not so bad, people thinking we are engaged, is it?" he asked me softly.

"No, it's not," I assured him. "It's just; people might say something about the age difference, or my being a bit too young for marriage."

"Let them talk, their opinion doesn't matter," he soothed, rubbing my arms comfortingly. "What she's said about your relationship with Harry is what really bothers me. She's gotten it all wrong."

"Maybe it was callous of me to ignore his portion of the task," I whispered, squeezing my eye shut tighter when I felt a few tears leak out.

"Absolutely not," Cedric said quickly as he brushed them away. "You were concerned about my health. The doesn't mean you were any less concerned about Harry's safety."

"I did miss his party." I pointed out.

"For the same reason as before," Cedric agued quietly. "It's not like you just decided that his party wasn't worth your time."

"I don't know why she said that Ron didn't forgive me. Ron explicitly said that I was forgiven," I whimpered. "You don't think Ron gave her an interview do you?"

"No, I don't think Ron would do that to you," Cedric crooned softly, cradling my head back into his shoulder when he saw that I was still crying. "She's just making things up to make her article more scandalous."

"Oy! Your getting married?" Draco sneered, interrupting our conversation, and causing me to look up at him from where I was halfway hidden behind Cedric's body. "I didn't realize that you were so badly off that you had to marry an old man just to secure your future."

"Shove off Malfoy," Cedric said through gritted teeth, my arm around his waist the only thing keeping him seated at the table. "This is none of your concern."

"Cedric is not an old man by any means," I spat at Draco. "And unlike some people, he is a proper gentleman."

"He must be something incredible in bed to get you to completely turn your back on the golden trio," Draco sneered before turning to leave, my gasp following after him.

"Malfoy that was out of line," Cedric yelled, twisting away from me and drawing his wand.

"No," I cried, grabbing his wand arm, and pulling him toward me. "Don't give him the satisfaction."

The whole predicament was broken up when Albus came bustling down from the head table. He hurried over to us and said that he would like to see me in his office. He looked stern, but I knew it was because he couldn't be openly affectionate to me in front of the other students. I followed him out of the hall and through the corridors. It was a quiet walk that led us up the revolving staircase and into his office. He held the door open, standing off to the side to allow me to enter first and then he closed the door behind us and pulled me into a warm embrace.

"Are you alright dear," he asked as I finally let go and cried great heaving sobs into his beard.

"N-no," I cried. "That woman is f-foul."

"She does write very wicked articles doesn't she," he said sadly. "I could write the Daily Prophet and demand a retraction if you like."

"Wouldn't do any good," I huffed, pulling back to wipe my eyes. "The article ran front page. They'd probably print the retraction as a sentence on the last page where no one would see it."

"I believe you may be right about that," he said softly, pulling a hanky out of his pocket and offering it to me. "The people who matter know the truth though. Your brother surely doesn't begrudge you for attending to your injured boyfriend."

"No I don't think he does," I agreed shakily as I moped up my face. "And she blew the situation with Ron completely out of proportion."

"She is wont to do that," he chuckled quietly. "I see that the engagement story she ran has caused you a spot of trouble…"

"I suppose having a promise ring on is a bit like being engaged, but why did she make such a big deal out of it?" I groaned. "It's going to cause all sorts of drama and it shouldn't be anyone else's business."

"You are quite right of course," he said with a smile. "Chin up little duck, it's going to get a bit rocky for a spell."

* * *

He had been right of course. I had to resort to simply throwing all of my post away if it wasn't from someone very close to me over the next week. I received all sorts of rude and hurtful letter from people who thought I was treating The Boy Who Lived poorly. One woman even sent me a howler, though I managed to get out of the great hall before it erupted into its speech about what a little hussy I was, and how I should have been raised to be loyal to family.

The fallout with people I cared about was more difficult. Harry and Hermione were fine, but Ron stopped talking to me. I was terribly confused when he started frequently speaking loudly to Harry and Hermione about improper marriages and dishonesty of intentions whenever I was nearby. He didn't seemed to want to hear anything about the ring being a promise ring and not an engagement ring, not that I cared to bring that up much since I really wouldn't have minded if it were really an engagement ring.

I took to sitting at the Hufflepuff table to avoid Ron, and thankfully the other students in the house seemed to be taking my side if only to support Cedric. I received a letter from Molly that was reproaching me for not supporting Harry and commending Ron for being loyal enough to call me out on my inappropriate conduct. That was the first letter that actually made me cry, and seeing this Cedric had snatched it from my hands and read it. He looked livid, but he said nothing, instead he simply stood and took the letter up to Albus at the head table and demanded that he write Mrs. Weasley and reprimand her.

I distracted myself from the torture of the less than favorable attention I was receiving by focusing on the upcoming event. McGonagall explained to us that the Yule Ball would be taking place over Christmas break, and that we were all expected to be on our best behavior. I finally understood why I had needed to buy a formal set of dress robes, and focused on planning for that night so I wouldn't think about the hate mail that was still trickling in.

"Do you think it will be fun?" I asked Harry while I coaxed my pawn into walking forward into its death so I could trap his queen.

"A night stuffed into uncomfortable robes, being forced to dance with a date that I still haven't found while everyone stares at me?" Harry asked with a raised brow as he viciously killed my pawn and smirked. "I'd rather face the dragon again."

"No you wouldn't," I laughed both at what I'd said and at his face when I captured his queen. "Besides I will be there with you every step of the way."

"I know you will," he said seriously, looking up from the board to meet my gaze with sincerity. "You always are."

"Heck I'd even do that first dance with you and leave Cedric to his own devices if you can't find a date." I said with a laugh, to lighten the suddenly heavy mood. "I'm sure I could convince Albus… I mean Dumbledore to stand in for me."

"I won't tell if you call him Albus," Harry laughed as he tried to move himself into position to take my bishop. "I may however tell that you want him to dance with your intended."

"I like that word," I said momentarily distracted from my strike against his knight. "It's an honest representation of where he and I stand without being so dramatic as to insinuate that we are going to run off and elope at the first available opportunity."

"Can I see this famous ring now? I've been rather curious," Harry said nonchalantly, but I could tell he was rather serious.

I held out my hand, and I let him pull it closer so that he could investigate the ring. He turned my hand back and forth making the light catch the stone and then he released it and looked up at me with a toothy grin.

"You can tell my future brother-in-law that he has fairly good taste in jewelry," Harry shrugged before trying again to take my bishop but only managing to provide me with the perfect opportunity to put him in check.


	44. Chapter 44

_**Song for this chapter: Heartbeats by Jose Gonzales**_

* * *

Term drew to a close slowly and I kept my head down to avoid any more trouble. I focused on perfecting my poison antidote just in case Snape really did poison us in our end of term exam like he had been threatening to do. Surprisingly it was more pleasant to think about that, than it was to think about the hate mail that was being sent my way. I worked on properly transfiguring a guinea fowl into a guinea pig so I wouldn't think about how Draco was still saying nasty things to me every time he saw me. Since Ron was still being awful to me I didn't really talk to anyone other than Cedric. Harry and Hermione made gestures to talk to me when Ron wasn't paying attention, but I couldn't help but feel betrayed by them for not talking to me when Ron could see them. Really, what had I done wrong to deserve that sort of treatment?

I almost gave up on my anger toward Ron when I saw how distraught he was over his failed attempt to ask Fleur Delacour to the Yule Ball, but I walked up on his rather insensitive conversation with Hermione about having a date and I lost all interest in being polite to the wanker. Hermione had already confided in me that she was going to be attending the Yule ball with Viktor Krum, and I seriously considered telling Ron just to see his eyes bug out of his head. Alas it was not my secret to share so I kept my mouth shut and followed Hermione's path up to the dormitory.

Cedric and I talked a lot about his egg, but so far neither of us had figured out a way to make it do anything other than wail at us. We would listen to it for long periods of time, trying to hear if there was some sort of code imbedded within the wail, but we heard nothing. Mostly our sessions just lead to mind numbing headaches.

* * *

Christmas came around, and I woke up before Hermione for the first holiday in the four years that we had attended school together. I got dressed in a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt while I waited for her to wake up. Eventually I got tired of waiting and I shook her gently awake. She sat up with a start looking confused, but then she remembered that it was Christmas and hopped out of bed excitedly.

We each tore into our batch of presents. I tried to pretend I didn't notice that Ron had forgotten me this year. There was a small package from Mrs. Weasley that held a letter of apology and a knitted blue scarf. I had a feeling that if it weren't for Albus writing her back about the letter she had sent me I would not have received anything. Hermione had gotten me the pair of silver heels she had seen me eyeballing in one of Lavender Brown's catalogues. Harry got me a selection of different flavored squeaking sugar mice. Albus got me a quill made of a phoenix feather and a set of inks in different shades of blue. Cedric had gotten me a pouch full of silver stones that had reasons he loved me etched into them in his handwriting.

I loved Cedric's gift, but my mind stuck on the one I had received from Albus. His gift reminded me that I needed to research the phoenix in the library. I wanted to know more about his theory about me being a phoenix reborn as a human, and I wondered if he had meant for his present to make me think about that. As far as I was aware he didn't know that I had overheard that conversation. I supposed it wouldn't be the end of the world if he did know, but it seemed a bit odd.

I wandered down to the common room and I saw that Harry had already tucked into the assorted box of candies I had gotten him from Honeydukes. Ron was sporting the Chudley Cannons scarf I had bought for him, but he rather pointedly did not make eye contact with me. I rolled my eyes and made a decision not to think about him at all. I didn't want to be angry on Christmas. I hoped that Albus would like the pair of socks I had knitted for him, and I was looking forward to finding out later if Cedric liked the deluxe broomstick servicing kit I had gotten him.

I sat in front of the fire for a while, pretending like I felt included in the conversations going on around me. Harry and Hermione tried to actually talk with me a few times, and I reciprocated but the conversations always ended up stilted when Ron became involved. When it was getting close to lunchtime, I just left leaving them to their own devices. Cedric caught me on the way into the great hall with a stack of sandwiches in hand and informed me that I would have trouble getting into the great hall as they were getting ready for the Yule Ball. Hufflepuff was right near the kitchens though, so he had ducked in and gotten us something to eat.

We let ourselves into an empty classroom and had our lunch at one of the tables. I held his hand while I ate, and we talked to each other about the gifts we had gotten. It appeared we had both loved each other's gifts, and had both been worried that the other would not like what we had gotten. It was quiet the relief to find out that we were both wrong.

"so are you excited for tonight?" he asked as he squeezed my fingers.

"Yes," I said with a nod. "I am a bit nervous about the opening dance though."

"I don't think it should be too awful," he encouraged. "There are four different champions, so people won't be staring strictly at us."

"I hope not," I muttered between bite. "I've been trying to keep a low profile after all."

"Well you've don't pretty well," he said with a smile. "No hate mail in the last week, and everyone seems to be moving on to new subjects."

"Thank Merlin," I sighed. "So are you excited for tonight?"

"Yeah," he agreed quickly and easily. "I can't wait to see you all dressed up again. You always look so gorgeous."

"You flatter me too much, I laughed even though I knew he was being completely sincere.

"Well… remember that when I ask you my next question," he said nervously, and my interest was immediately peaked. "I was wondering you might be interested in staying together tonight after the ball."

"How?" I asked, not shooting him down straight away. "WE live in different houses, and people would notice if either of us snuck the other in."

"I thought we might use the room of requirement," he said quietly.

"Oh… that would probably work," I said, remember the bed that had showed up once when we had been in there. "I wouldn't be completely opposed to the idea."

"Really?" he gasped, looking up to my gaze once more in surprise.

"Yeah," I said softly. "So long as there isn't any pressure…"

"Of course not," he agreed. "It would be perfectly fine to just sleep if that's all you want to do."

"Okay then," I said with a smile before standing up. "I should probably go start getting ready."

"It's still, what, five hours until the ball?" he said pulling me against him and resting his head against my stomach. "Do you have to go already?"

"Well, I still need to shower." I laughed, ruffling his hair. "And it takes time to go from this to the fancy dressed up girl that you saw at the Quidditch World Cup."

"Alright, alright," he sighed. "Do you want to meet at the bottom of the marble stairs tonight?"

"Sounds perfect," I said before stealing a quick kiss. "I'll see you later."

* * *

I went back up to Gryffindor tower and I was relieved to see that since more of the others were out having a snowball fight, I had the bathroom to myself. I took a nice long shower, taking extra care to shave everywhere that needed shaving. When I finally emerged I was feeling fresh and clean. I wrapped a towel around my hair and another around my body before padding out into the dormitory.

Hermione was just coming into the dormitory when I crossed over to my wardrobe. I gave her a small smile and then I pulled out the barely there black bottoms I would be wearing under my dress tonight as well as a simple cotton dress to wear while I was getting ready. I took them as well as my bag of cosmetics and hair supplies back into the bathroom with me.

I threw the simple clothes on and tossed both of my towels into the hamper by the door. I brushed all of the tangles out of my hair and ran a small dab of silkening potion from root to tip. I rolled all of it up into sponge curlers and then left it to air dry into loose spirals while I rubbed my body down with lotion. I put moisturizer on my face, and then dusted a very light layer of powdered foundation over my skin. I applied liner and shadow to give myself a sultry smoky eye and put on a deep pink tinted gloss I decided that I was happy with my makeup and I turned my attention back to my hair.

It was still damp to the touch, so I cast a drying spell over it before pull the curlers out. I parted my hair on the right, and twisted my hair gently into a loose bun at the base of my head. I pinned a fuchsia peony into my hair on top of the bun. I turned my head back and forth decided that I was happy with the flower placement before I pulled a few tendrils loose around my face.

I checked the time and saw that I still had thirty minutes before I had to meet Cedric downstairs. I sat on the edge of my bed and sorted through my small collection of jewelry looking for the perfect accessories for my outfit. I eventually settled on several silver bangles, and a set of dangling silver earrings. I put them on and then I grabbed my dress from the wardrobe.

The dress had braided straps that flattened out and crisscrossed over my back. The black silk was printed with a fuchsia peony design that was broken up by a four-inch black belt just under the bust and a slit that ran up to just above the knee on the left side. I looked around to make sure that none of the other girls were watching, and then I quickly shucked the cotton dress and stepped into my gown. I shifted the front so it was covering anything and then I used a bit of double sided tape to keep the top of the bust from shifting and exposing any important bits. Once I was sure everything was going to stay in place I sat down and put on my brand new silver heels instead of the black ones I had been planning to wear before this morning. I took one last look in the mirror and it was time to go.

I took my time going down the spiral staircase to the common room, not wanting to trip in my new shoes and ruin my dress. All of the straps kept my foot secure, but the four-inch heels did distort my balance a bit. I made it down the stairs without incident, but I noticed a lot of people staring at me as I emerged from the stairwell and I wondered if I had looked strange coming down the stairs. I opted not to ask and simply hurried out of the common room to avoid their stairs. Once I was in the corridor I took my time walking down to the entrance hall.

My breath caught in my throat when I reached the top of the marble staircase and I saw Cedric waiting for me at the bottom. He looked absolutely drool worthy in his black cape like dress robes. Underneath he wore black trousers, a white dress shirt with black buttons, and a black bowtie. He looked perfect, though suddenly I had the urge to take the whole ensemble off of him. He watched me closely as I descended the stairs to him, and I could read on his face that he might be having the same thoughts as me.

"You look absolutely stunning," he breathed into my ear before offering me his arm. "Those shoes look lethal however."

"You don't look too shabby yourself," I replied kissing him on the cheek. "The shoes are great. They wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Whatever you say," he chuckled. "Where did you find this dress? It is… delectable."

"A girl can't give away all her secrets," I whispered as I allowed him to lead me over toward the doors to the great hall."

We stood together enjoying one another's company while we waited for Professor McGonagall to round up all of the other champions and their dates. We were standing on one side of the doors, and we were soon joined by Harry and Padma. Across from us were Fleur and Roger Davis as well as Hermione and Krum. She looked amazing in her periwinkle dress, but it appeared people were just figuring out that it was her.

The other students passed between us, and nearly everyone was gawking at Hermione. I couldn't decide if I should feel badly for her or be happy for her, and her expression wasn't giving anything away. I caught a few strange glances myself, and I figured people were still thinking about the article and couldn't help but be reminded of it as I stood between Harry and Cedric. I smiled brightly at them and pretended not to be fazed, and waited for our turn to enter the great hall.

When we did enter I saw ho beautiful the great hall was. It had been decorated to the nines and the long house tables had been replaced by small and much more intimate tables. We were led up to the head table where all of us sat with the heads of each school, the judges, and the faculty. There were menus sitting at each place, and the food on tem looked great, but I hadn't a clue how we were supposed to order anything. I was just about to ask when Albus looked at the plate in front of him, ordered a pork chop, and then smile when it appeared on his plate.

I followed his lead and ordered the chicken Caesar salad with French bread. My food appeared at the same time that Cedric's steak and potatoes did. We both tucked in and listened to the conversations going on around us while we ate. Hermione was patiently teaching Krum how to say her name right, and Albus was talking about the room of requirement though he appeared to be acting like he didn't know that. Cedric and I shared a guilty look and both chuckled a bit about that before regaining our composure.

Soon after, it was time for the ceremonial first dance. All four couples moved down to the dance floor as the tables were moved to the side and a stage was quickly erected for the band. I did my best to stifle a squeal when I saw that the band was the Weird Sisters, and I looked to Albus who winked at me and mouthed Happy Christmas. Cedric pulled me gently out onto the floor and we began to turn slowly as the Weird Sisters struck up a slow and somber tune.

I kept my eyes on Cedric's as we turned, not wanting to notice anyone watching us, and he happily held my gaze. He smiled and twirled me away before pulling me back to him. As I spun I saw that the others were joining the dance, drawing the attention away from us. My nerves finally quieted down.

"I've just realized something," Cedric said, pulling me in closer so he could speak to me without the others hearing. "I've forgotten to tell you something."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Moody gave me a clue about the second task," he whispered barely loud enough for me to hear him. "He told me to open that darn egg underwater. He was right, it made all the difference."

"What did it do?" I gasped, leaning in closer.

"The screeching turned to singing," he said quickly. "It was a poem or riddle or what not, saying that I will have to search for something that has been taken from me, and I will have an hour to find it. I'm assuming at the Black Lake, since the singing had to have been mermish. It's the only type of speech I can think of that doesn't make sense above the surface of the water."

"Well that makes sense," I nodded. "I wonder what they will take from you… wait, how are you going to survive under water for an entire hour?"

"I have some ideas about that, I just need to brush up on a spell that I think will work," he said quickly. "But I don't want to think about that tonight. I just remembered that I wanted to tell you, and that I need to tell harry to open the egg underwater."

"That's very nice of you," I said with a smile, choosing not to mention that I would have told Harry anyway.

"It's the least I can do since he told me about the dragons," Cedric shrugged before placing a kiss on the shell of my ear. "We Hogwarts champions have to stick together."

"Hear, hear," I said before the clapping that accompanied the end of the song muffled my voice out.

The next song started up and it was upbeat and fun. Cedric spun me around quickly before pulling me into a sloppy swing dance. I laughed and moved around with him, not caring how ridiculous we probably looked. The music pounded and we danced. We dance, and danced, for what felt like hours before we went and sat for a bit. We were having a bit to drink when Cedric saw Harry heading out of the great hall, and hurried after him promising to be right back. I struck up a conversation with Luna who was sitting at the next table over while I waited for him to come back.

"Hey Luna," I called grabbing her attention as I walked over to her. "It's been far too long since I have seen you."

"It has been quite some time hasn't it?" she asked in her ethereal voice.

"Yes," I agreed. "We should get together to play again sometime soon. Are you still playing the Clabolin?"

"No it got smashed in on of Daddy's experiments," she said with a sad smile. "I had been playing a nice flute, but I decorated it with Moke scales, and not it keeps shrinking and disappearing for days before it regrows to normal size."

"That sounds frustrating," I lamented as I sat down. "Maybe it would be easier to get a new flute."

"But this one is such fun," she disagreed. "It just doesn't always follow my schedule is all."

"Fair enough," I shrugged. "How are things at your father's paper?"

"Oh the Quibbler is doing marvelous," Luna gushed. "Daddy has nearly 100 subscribers now."

"That's great," I cheered. "I've been thinking about subscribing myself. He has such fascinating articles about creatures I have never heard of."

"In the last issue he wrote about Nargle mating rituals," Luna said. "It was very informative."

"I didn't realize Nargles had structured rituals," I said, sure that I had heard her mention Nargles before but not quite able to remember what they were.

"They have a fairly well developed society actually," she explained. "They are very near human intelligence."

"Bianca," Cedric interrupted, smiling apologetically at Luna. "I was thinking about heading to bed for the night, and I came to see if you would like me to walk you back to Gryffindor Towers."

"That would be great," I said with a smile, though I noticed that Luna didn't seem to believe the explanation he had given. "It was nice to see you. Let's hand out soon."

She nodded, and I stood up, taking Cedric's arm once more. He led me up to the seventh floor, but we continued on past the portrait hole, and made our way to the expanse of wall that would become the room of requirement. Cedric let go of my arm long enough to walk up and down the corridor three times and causing the door to pop back into existence. He took my hand and opened the door.

I was amazed by what I saw when we stepped inside. It looked like a luxurious hotel suite. There was a silk covered bed near the back wall and a fire place burning in the wall across from it. There was an amazing tub built into the floor of to the left, and there were surfaces covered with merrily burning candles all about. There was even a trail of roses leading to the bed, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at Cedric, making him laugh.

"I couldn't help myself," he chuckled as he closed the door behind us.

"This is a very nice room," I said softly. "Roses and all."

"I wanted tonight to be special for you," he said in a deep voice as he pulled off his robe and hung it up near the door. "I wanted to room to be perfect."

"It is perfect," I whispered as I pulled him back to me.

"Not as perfect as you," he whispered huskily before leaning in to claim my lips.

He backed me further into the room using his hand on my lower back to guide me. He kissed me until I couldn't think clearly and my breath was panting against his lips. I gripped the front of his dress shirt, pulling him tighter to me, and he kissed my throat.

"You have been driving me crazy all night," he breathed against my collarbone, brushing one of the straps off of my shoulder. "I could barely carry on civil conversation."

"You are one to talk," I whispered back, my own voice growing husky as I untied his bowtie. "Have you seen the way those trousers hug you?"

Our words were cut off once more as he reclaimed my lips. I buried my hands in his hair, and hitched my leg around his him so I could pull him flush against my body. He swiftly turned us and pressed my back into the wall. The skin of my back felt even more heated when it was pressed against the cool stone wall. He trailed his hand over my leg, pushing the fabric of my dress to either side so he could touch my bare skin. He groaned into my mouth as he ran his hands up to my thigh. He gripped my inner thigh just below my hip and I was unable to stifle a moan.

I pulled his shirt collar open, sending a few buttons flying, and began to kiss down from his jawline and over his throat. I listened to his breathing growing steadily more ragged as I traced my tongue up to his ear before taking the shell of it between my teeth. His hand convulsed on my thigh as he leaned into my ministrations.

"Merlin Bianca,' he grunted, fisting my hair loosely in his hand so he could pull me back and kiss me on the lips. "I'm going to lose my ability to be a gentleman if you keep doing things like that."

"Maybe I don't want you to be a gentleman tonight," I breathed against his lips. "I want you to be a man, and I want you to be gentle, but not a gentleman. Take what is yours."

I thought I heard him whisper the word mine before crashing his lips into mine, but I couldn't be sure. One of his hands found my chest while the other climbed even higher up my thigh, crawling ever nearer to my heat. I kissed him, and tried to get his shirt unbuttons as I trembled with the pleasure his hands were giving me. I undid the last button and pushed his shirt of his shoulders before running my hands over his chest. It wasn't the first time I had seen him with his shirt off, but it was the first time I had allowed myself to run my hands over his taunt muscles. I loved the way they twitched under my touch.

He let go of me so I he could take his shirt all the way off, and I took the moment to return my leg to the ground and move us back so I had room to begin placing open mouthed kisses to his chest. He groaned again, and I felt his muscles trembling beneath my lips. He pulled me up to kiss me once more, and then picked me up to carry me over to the bed. He set me on the edge and gently pulled my shoes off, kissing each ankle as he worked. He stood back up, and kicked his socks and shoes off before he piled me back up off the bed.

"If you don't want to do this, we should stop now," he said seriously, but breathlessly as he took the flower out of my hair and set it with my shoes.

"I want to do this," I breathed softly, keeping my eyes locked on his. "I love you."

"I love you too Bianca," he breathed before he reached behind me and slowly unzipped my dress.

When the dress hung loose, he slowly slid the other strap off of my shoulder and let it fall. My skin had grown damp with sweat first from our dancing and now with his so the tape slid off with the dress as it went. It pooled at my feet leaving almost all of me exposed. Cedric groaned, staring at my chest before his eyes returned to mine.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered as he reached out and gently pulled my hair out of the bun and let it cascade down my back.

He gently lowered me onto the bed, scooting me back from the edge, before he climbed on. He hovered above me and fastened his lips to my neck once more. He trailed his hands down from my shoulders and ghosted them over my chest teasingly before running them down my ribcage and making me shiver in pleasure. His lips crawled lower still and I felt the heat growing in me. When his lips dances across my breast I cried out unable to stay silent as he pleasured me.

"Can I touch you?" he whispered between kisses, and it took me a moment to think through the lust fueled haze in my mind to understand what he was asking me.

"Yes," I moaned breathlessly as I fisted my hands on the sheets underneath me.

He continued suckling at my breast as his hand trailed down my ribs to my hip. He squeezed gently before slowly sliding it inward, clearly not wanting to surprise me with what he was doing. His hand brushed against my panties and we both groaned at the same moment.

"Merlin, you are so wet," he gasped. "I can already feel it."

"Is that bad?" I gasped, hardly able to talk to through the waves of pleasure that were rolling through me as his fingers rubbed against me in a delicious rhythm.

"No," he answered quickly, rising up to reclaim my lips as he continued his ministrations. "It's just the opposite."

I moved my hands back into his hair, and gripped it ardently as we kissed. His hands moved away from my heat for a moment and I whimpered before he slid it underneath my panties. He brushed his thumb over my bundle of nerves and my legs jerked against him as a whimper fell from my lips. He began sliding his finger back and forth, and I could feel what he meant about the wetness. With each pass that hit the spot of nerves I arched further off the mattress panting against his lips. I could hardly focus on kissing him as I felt my hips start rolling against him of their own accord.

"Oh Merlin," I moaned as his lips returned to my neck, his tongue making delicious circles on my pulse point.

"Does that feel good?" he asked huskily before biting my shoulder.

"Oh Cedric," I stuttered. "Yes! Yes!"

His hands dipped lower, and one of his fingers slid inside of me and I thought I might explode. I gasped and he groaned. For a second neither of us moved, and then he began to pump his finger in and out and indecipherable words fell from my lips.

"Oh Bianca," he groaned, tilting himself up so he could look into my eyes as he continued while smiling lazily at me. "All of your skin is flushed, it looks beautiful."

"Cedric," I gasped, my his bucking up against him without my permission. "Ahh."

"Let go baby," he whispered. "Just feel it. Don't think."

I listened to what he said, my yes drifting closed as his thumb moved back up to that bundle of nerves while his finger continued to move in and out of me. He slipped a second finger in whit the first, and I felt him stretching me a bit, but the pleasure distracted me from feeling discomfort. Shaky breathes fell from my lips as I moved with him. It felt as if there were electricity in my veins and his hands was sending jolts of a stronger current through me. I fisted my hands in my own hair as I writhed beneath him.

He leaned in to kiss me again, and I dropped my hands down to touch him. I ran them down his torso before I brushed my hand over the now prominent bulge in his trousers and he hissed against my lips. I stroked him again and he bucked against my hands, his own moving more quickly within me. I closed my hands around him and his own hand stilled against me.

"Bianca," he gasped against my lips. "I… you… so good."

"I want to touch you too," I moaned, still lost in the electricity within my body even when he was holding so still.

"Yes," he said huskily, pulling his hand away from m and using both of his arms to brace himself over me.

I used both of my hands to undo his belt buckle and trousers. I pushed the as far down as I could reach and then I used my legs to pull them the rest of the way down his thighs. I could see his bulge straining against his boxers, and I made a split decision. I pushed them down as well and I relished the gasp that fell from his lips when the air hit his freshly exposed skin. For a moment I just stared. It was the first time I had actually seen the male anatomy. I had nothing by which to judge it, but I felt sure that he was well equipped. I reached out, and I took him in my hand causing him o groan and his thigh muscle to twitch just slightly.

I slid my hand down and then back up, gripping lightly, and I took the fact that his hips thrust toward me to mean that he liked it. I repeated the motion and he moaned. We fell ingot a rhythm of me pumping my hand and his hips thrusting until we were both panting with desire.

"Stop," he breathes softly, stilling my hand before pulling it up and placing a kiss to my palm. "If we keep at that, I'm not going to make it to anything else."

"Oh," I said thickly, before chuckle slightly.

He slid off the bed and quickly shed his pants completely. He leaned over me, keeping eye contact, as he slowly removed that last bit of my clothing. I shivered when I felt the air hit my most private parts, but my eyes did not leave his. He just watched me for a long time, his hands resting on my thighs, and somehow it felt more intimate than when his fingers had been inside of me. He looked like he was trying to make a decision about something.

"May I taste you," he asked in a voice so husky that I hardly recognized it.

I nodded, not sure if my voice would have worked to answer him. He lowered himself onto his knees as he pulled me down to the foot of the bed. He leaned his head in and placed a kiss against my sending and it sent shivers through my entire body. He slipped his tongue into my wetness and my back arched up off the bed. His tongue moved back and forth over my nub and I saw stars. I was moaning, and writhing, unable to focus on anything I was doing through the haze of pleasure he was giving me. His hands closed on my hops stilling them as he added more pressure. I found myself moaning his name over and over again, and I didn't care if it sounded ridiculous. His name was like an incantation as it fell from my lips again and again.

My thighs began to tremble around him, and it felt as if something were building up inside of me. He slid his fingers inside of me once more, and the growing pressure increased tenfold as he pumped them in and out of me. Before I knew what was happening something within me snapped and every nerve in my body lit up with pleasure. I was on fire. It also felt a bit like I had wet myself and I became embarrassed. I pulled his head away from me with trembling hands.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry," I gasped, trying to wipe his face off with clumsy fingers. "I don't know what happened. I didn't even feel like I had to go to the bathroom—"

"Bianca," Cedric interrupted, clasping both of my hands in his so I would stop trying to wipe off his face.

"No, I'm so, so sorry," I repeated, pulling away from him. "I'm sure there is a tooth brush and toothpaste in here somewhere."

I went to stand up from the bed, but my shaking legs buckled beneath me. Cedric caught me, and he held me against his chest. I could feel a shaking sensation and hear a gentle rumble and I realized that he was laughing at me.

"Bianca, calm down for a second," he chuckled. "You haven't wet yourself."

"Wha… I… are you sure?" I stuttered. "It felt like I did."

"Do you feel how your legs are shaking?" he asked softly. "Can you feel that muscle twitching in your back like I can?"

"Yes," I breathed, cataloguing the sensations along with him.

"When you felt the wetness, were you feeling particularly good?" he whispered huskily in my ear.

"Yes," I moaned, reminiscing. "The fire…"

"Bianca, you've hand an orgasm." He laughed huskily, looking perhaps a little too proud of himself. "It's nothing to freak out about."

"I… well…" I sighed feeling stupid.

"I love you," he said softly as he gently maneuvered me back onto the bed. "I love that I can do that to you."

"I love you too," I whispered, waiting for him to join me on the bed.

He went around to the head of the bed and I crawled up there to join him. He reached into a drawer in the bedside table and pulled something out. When I heard a ripping sound I understood. I blushed and looked away as he put on the condom, suddenly feeling very embarrassed. He climbed onto the bed chuckling at my flushed cheeks. He moved so he was hover over me once more and he kissed my forehead.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yes," I breathed.

He lowered his hips, and used his hand to guide himself toward me, his other arm flexed beside my head to hold up his weight. My hips bucked a bit when he made a brushing contact with me and he groaned and buried his head in the crook of my neck. He slowly pushed forward and I felt some strain as he pushed inside me. He thrust forward until he was seated completely within me and then he stilled. I felt my eyes prick at the sting and wondered why it would hurt when I wasn't actually a virgin. He massaged the crease out of my brow and looked down at me with a sad smile.

"I'm sorry that it hurts," he apologized. "You've have plenty of time to heal down there, and here I am stretching everything out."

"'sokay," I whispered shakily as the pain began to recede. "Worth it."

"I won't move until you say," he promised as he carded his fingers through my hair. "Just tell me when."

We stayed together like that for a minute or two. We didn't move, we just felt how our bodies connected perfectly and waited for my body to accommodate him. I could sense that he was desperate to move and I love him even more for waiting. When I no longer felt the stinging pain I squeezed him thighs around his hips and nodded. He pulled slowly back and then he thrust back into me. I moaned at the delicious friction it created. He did it again, and this time he moaned into the skin of my neck.

He began to move more quickly and I thrust my hips up to meet him. We fell into a rhythm and both of us were quivering against one another groaning with pleasure. From where his head was cradled in the apex of my neck and shoulder I could feel his breath panting against my skin. It grew more ragged and erratic as our pace quickened.

"Oh… Bianca," he groaned. "I'm not going to last much longer."

"Let go," I moaned, feeling the pressure building in me and wanting desperately to feel that delicious fire again.

He pumped faster and I grasped tightly onto his back as I moved to meet him. Both of our groans and pants grew quicker and climbed higher in pitch as we inched closer to the precipice. Our hips were slapping together and my body was tingling as the bundle inside of me began to unravel. I felt my nails scratch against his skin as I fell over the edge of pleasure once more. His teeth bit into my shoulder a bit roughly as his hips bucked erratically against me, and I knew that he had come undone as well.

His hips slowed against mine until neither of us were moving, and we both lay there panting. He waited a moment before he pulled out and rolled to the side so he could hold me without crushing me. He played with my hair as our breathing slowed down. I heard him whisper thank you into my hair as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

We both woke up in the early morning hours. Cedric wrapped me up in the sheets and climbed out of bed so he could run us a bath. As the tub started to fill Cedric focused on the wall near it and a sink appeared with a toothbrush and toothpaste. He left the tub to fill itself while he went over to brush his teeth. I entertained myself by watching his taunt little butt cheeks jiggle as he worked. He smiled at me in the mirror when he had finished and quickly bent down to turn off the tap now that the tub was full.

"shall we?" he asked, motioning at the tub.

"We shall," I beamed as I slid out of bed and crossed over to the tub.

I slipped slowly in and hissed in pleasure as the hot water washed over my skin. Cedric slipped in behind me and splashed his way over to me. I giggled at him and reached for the loofa handing on the tap. Cedric handed me the body wash and ran his fingers through my hair as I lathered up the loofa.

We washed each other's bodies and hair, talking and joking with one another as we went. Our bath probably last much longer than was strictly necessary, but we were enjoying ourselves too much to care. Cedric drained the tub, and we both wrapped up in big fluffy towels. I was just wondering what we were going to wear when fresh sweat pants, t-shirts, and undergarments appeared for both of us.

"I love this room," I sighed as I rushed over and grabbed my clothes.

"It's pretty handy," Cedric agreed.

We both got dressed and climbed back into bed. We snuggled up to one another and held each other close. I quickly fell back to sleep feeling clean, warm, and comfortable. We slept for a long time after that, and I didn't wake up again until it was very late in the morning and my stomach was rumbling. I checked Cedric's watch and saw that it was almost noon. I'd closed my bed curtains before the dance to aid in just this situation. I could show up later, Hermione would have assumed last night that I was already in bed, and not have much trouble believing that I had beaten her to getting up this morning.

I woke Cedric up, let him know that I needed to get back to Gryffindor, and told him I loved him. I quickly gathered up my things and slid them into a bag that appeared for me after I thought about needing it, and I left the room. I snuck back to the portrait hole and whispered the password to a very hung over fat lady and climbed inside. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting in the common room. They looked at me strangely so I quickly offered up a story about having been in the library and then I hurried off to the dormitory.

The other girls were still lounging in the room so I threw open my trunk and tossed my bag in rather than trying to hang my things up with the others watching. I scooped up my guitar and took it with me back to the common room. I figured I might as well enjoy the fire and a little music before we all headed down for lunch.


	45. Chapter 45

_**Song for this chapter: Ashes on Your Eyes by Deb Talan**_

* * *

I was sitting by the fire lost in thought when Harry sat down beside me and my attention immediately flickered to him. I offered him a bright smile and then I leaned over to rest my head on his shoulder and went back to looking into the fire. He shifted himself so that he could wrap his arm around me, and for a long time he just sat their quietly watching the fire as well.

"You look different," he said quietly with a hint of a question in his voice.

"How so?" I asked calmly, though my mind was racing through my appearance trying to figure out what had changed.

"I'm not quite sure," he admitted. "But you seem brighter, or livelier. You seem happy."

"I am," I told him honestly. "Are you?"

"I wish that things were back to normal," he admitted quietly. "I wish that Ron and Hermione weren't acting so strangely, and I wish that this tournament was over. But other than that, I'm happy."

"The end of the year isn't so terribly far away," I reassured him as I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled myself tightly against him for a hug. "The tournament will be over then. Maybe you can come stay at my house for a while this summer."

"Are you sure you won't be spending all of your time with Cedric?" Harry asked with a smile clear in his voice. "I half expect to be attending your wedding this summer."

"He hasn't actually asked me that yet," I told him as I leaned back a bit so I could look into his eyes.

"I doubt he'll wait much longer, I can see the way he looks at you," he said with a gentle shrug. "If he asked you to marry him this summer would you do it?"

"Honestly?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Without hesitation." I admitted. "I know I'm only fourteen, and I shouldn't even be thinking about stuff like that. But I just know. If he were to ask me not to wait I would agree, because whether it's this summer or year from now I know that he is the one that I am going to marry. I won't ever want anyone else."

"You have to tell me the second he asks," Harry whispered as he pulled me tightly against his chest in a crushing hug. "I know that Dumbledore looks after you, but I'd really like to be the one to give you away."

"Oh Harry," I sighed into his chest, my head filling with images of what a wedding between Cedric and I would look like. "I'd like that."

* * *

Our vacation wrapped up fairly quietly. Hermione and Ron were being unusually cordial with one another, but Ron had deemed me suitable to speak to again so I didn't dare ask what was going on between the two of them. I alternated between cuddling with Cedric in front of the fire place in the second floor lounge, and trying to get Harry to talk to me about how he was coming along with the second challenge.

He kept assuring me that he had already figured out the egg, but when I asked him what he was planning to do he would just tell me that he had it all figured out and brush me off. I couldn't be certain if he just didn't have it figured out, or if he thought I was going to give the solution to Cedric. Cedric however had already perfected his bubble head charm, and would be ready when the task arrived. We weren't even talking about the challenge much anymore.

In fact I had been talking to him a lot about phoenixes. I had checked out some books from the library to read up on them, and I kept picking his brain for anything he knew about them. I mislead him a bit into thinking that I was interested getting one of my own. It was in an effort to avoid the 'hey I might not be human' conversation. I wanted to avoid that until I knew for sure one way or the other.

So far the best book I had discovered to give me information that wasn't standard pet owner's information was a book that had multiple versions of the phoenix legends from different cultures. It had Chinese, Japanese, Arabian, and Egyptian descriptions of the bird and its magical properties.

In Egypt the bird was once even considered a deity. The Egyptians considered the phoenix the manifestation of Osiris and an integral part of their beliefs in life after death. Their legends called the bird Bennu, and said that the bird's first cry from its ben-ben, or nest, happened at the creation of the world, and marked the beginning of time.

The Arabian stories told of the phoenix song, and how it enchanted even the sun god each morning. It said that the life span could range anywhere from 500 to 13,000 years. It said that at the end of its life the bird would nest, burn, and be reborn, which I of course knew. What I found interesting however was that it said the newly reborn bird would collect the ashes of its past body, and take them to Heliopolis (in Egypt) and deposit them on the alter of the sun job. I thought back to second year, when Fawkes regenerated. He did leave for a while just after that. Had he gone to Egypt?

When I read the Chinese legends aloud to Cedric, I couldn't help but laugh when I read the part that said the bird lived off of dewdrops. I would certainly die if I tried that. Their legends didn't talk much about physiology. They instead described the phoenix as the representation of loyalty, honesty, decorum, and justice.

The Japanese legends were only slightly more informative than the Chinese. The bird represented the same symbols with the addition of fidelity, but it was also said that the bird was born to mark a new era, particularly to herald the rule of benevolent ruler.

I also read him a poem about the phoenix to see what he thought about it. I knew part of it couldn't be true since there was more than one phoenix in existence already. But it was interesting none-the-less. The poem did talk about the bird coming from the garden of eden, a garden from a muggle story, and that its first burning was at the fault of a female muggle. But then it went on to say that the Arabian bird was the only of its kind, and would burn its self and be reborn into a red egg ever 100 years.

I also read about the Augury, and Irish phoenix that cries to announce coming rainstorms. It was often thought to herald death, but this was proved to be untrue. It's feathers repelled ink, but that seemed to be the only other magical trait it had. I was confused as to why it was considered a phoenix, as it didn't seem to regenerate according to what I read.

I found another book simply titled _The Phoenix_ and it was chalk full of information. I wasn't entirely sure I should trust it though since it kept calling the planet the phoenix lived on Caelerth which as far as I could tell did not exist. The book said that the phoenix was thought to be either the pet of a God sent forth to show the God's power or a God itself. The writer thought the bird was born to deliver retribution to the evil and the corrupt.

The book did a fairly good job describing the phoenix physically, other than saying it's feathers contained fire. Everything else sounded exactly like Fawkes, right down to the extremely intelligent looking eyes. The book described the phoenixes gifts as: the ability t control its own body temperature ranging from one extreme to another, a striking cry, being able to carry heavy loads, and being immortal. It talked about the Phoenix loving the sky, which made sense. It ended with a poem that I thought made more sense than anything else I had read, if only for the last line.

"_To Human, Elf, Dwarf and all,_

_To every creature big and small,_

_The Phoenix is many thing things; in future, now , and history,_

_And though every person has their say, The Phoenix stays a mystery."_

None of the books made much reference to a phoenix being able to turn into a human. There was one Russian legend that said the Sirin was sometimes referred to as a phoenix, and the Sinin had the head of a woman and the body of a bird. But when I read about the Sirin I learned that it was just another name for a Siren, and was not as far as I could tell even related to the phoenix. I became frustrated, and decided to take a break from my search. There must have been some reason for Albus to believe what he did, and I just hadn't found his source yet.

* * *

When term resumed I was hoping for some peace and quiet, but that was quickly erased as on option when an article about Hagrid ran in the Daily Prophet. Among many bad things, it outed him as having giant heritage. I did not have a problem with who his mother was, but it seemed other people did.

Hagrid was hiding out in his hut, and we were being taught by Grubby-plank instead. I could understand why Hagrid was upset, but I did not support his holing up in his cabin and turning away visitors. I knew that the trio had tried to drop by to see him a few times, but he had not let them in.

When the Hogsmeade weekend rolled around I told Cedric I would meet him in the village, but first I needed to stop by and see Hagrid. We walked together across the grounds, but split ways halfway down so I could head off to the hut and he could continue on to the village. I climbed his stone steps and pounded on the door. Fang barked from inside, but other than that, there was only silence.

"Hagrid, open this door," I said sternly, tapping my foot and feeling my ire grow the longer I stayed on the steps waiting. "Alright then, you asked for it."

I pulled my wand out, whispered Alohromora and pushed the door open. At first I didn't even see him I just saw a messy hut. There were clothes strewn about and the table was laden with used dishes. Fang was lying morosely by the fire place that housed a guttering fire, but he perked up when he saw me in the doorway. Then I noticed that Hagrid was huddled up in his bed, his back turned to me, and it sounded like he was crying.

"Alright Hagrid," I said softly, walking over to the bed and putting my hand on his shaking shoulder. "It's time to get up."

He just grunted at me and shucked my hand off.

"Okay, fine," I sighed. "I'm going to clean up in here a bit, but then I am really going to make you get up."

He grunted again but I ignored him and got to work. I picked up all of the clothes and put them in the hamper sitting in the corner. I scratched Fang behind the ears, getting him to stop moping next to the fire, and then I poured him a new bowl of food. When he was happily crunching away I turned my attention to the fireplace. I stoked the embers, getting a little bit of the wood burning again before I put in a new log. Once I had a merrily crackling fire once more I rounded on the dishes. I ran warm water and added dish soup, letting the sink start to fill while I collected everything off the table. I put them all into the sudsy water, turned the water off, and left them to soak for a minute.

"Hagrid, are you ready to get up now?" I asked quietly, moving to stand beside him once more.

"No," he said quietly, his voice gruff from crying.

Well he was talking now. That was an improvement.

"I know it feels really bad right now," I said quietly. "I can't promise you that it's easy to face people who have read the paper, but it gets easier after a while."

"I can'n," he said quietly. "I can'n face 'em."

"That's okay," I assured him softly. "I'm not asking you to face anyone today but me. Today, I'm just asking you to get out of bed and have some breakfast with me."

"Okay," he grunted. "Give me a minute."

"Deal," I agreed.

I went back to the sink, and went to work washing the dishes. I glanced over occasionally and saw that he was still lying in bed. I finished up the dishes and left them to dry in the rack. I rounded up some sausages and a teakettle. I hung the kettle over the fire to heat while I stuck the sausages on a poker and set to roasting them. I cooked up a bunch of links, set them on the plate and turned back to the fire after I saw Hagrid sit up in bed.

I started toasting some bread to go with the links, and the teakettle whistled just as I was finishing. I hurried to get the toast on the table, and pulled the kettle off the fire. I put it on a potholder on the table, and grabbed a set of cups from the clean dishes. Hagrid sat down at the table, but he didn't make a move to eat anything.

"Hagrid, please eat something." I said quietly as I joined him at the table and poured us both tea.

"I'm not hungry," he grumbled, looking at me somewhat guiltily.

"Hmmm… I've tried that one before," I said sharply. "You'll have to come up with something that can outsmart the master of excuses not to eat."

"It's not like tha' Bianca," he grumbled.

"Prove it," I said somewhat argumentatively.

"Are yeh tryin' ter bully me?" he asked, looking surprised.

"No, I am telling you what I expect of you, and I am not accepting anything but that," I said quietly. "There comes a time in everyone's life when they need someone to step in and take care of them. You've been that person for me, and now I am going to be that person for you."

"But—"

"No Hagrid," I cut him off. "We can do this nicely, or I can force feed you. It's your choice."

Hagrid stared at me through his swollen eyes and it looked like he was deciding whether he thought I would try to shove a sausage in his mouth or not. He eventually gave a short snort and stabbed a sausage off his plate. He ate it before looking back up at me.

"It probably would a' been air ter let eyh force feed me," he said with a dull chuckle. "Seein' as I did it ter yeh before."

"eh, water under the bridge," I chuckled, taking a sausage for myself. "These sausages are pretty good."

"Yeah," he agreed, taking another. "I'm glad yeh came."

"Me too," I said softly. "It's been too long since I had come to see you. I'm sorry about that."

"Under the bridge," he said gruffly. "Been a crazy year."

"Yeah," I sighed. "That Rita woman had no right to do this to you, but I hope you understand that the people who matter couldn't care less that you mother was a giant."

"Everyone else does," Hagrid said petulantly.

"Yeah they probably do," I said plainly. "Just like they all cared when Rita wrote her nasty little article about me. Heck even people that shouldn't have cared about that article said hurtful things to me, and I'm still here. I'm still me, and the people who loved me before the article still love me. Have a little faith."

Hagrid's reply was cut off with a knock on the door. We both looked to the door and I stayed quiet, letting it be his decision if he opened the door or not. Fang was barking like made again, so I fixed him with a stern look until he fell silent.

"Hagrid, I know you are home," Albus's voice called through the door. "I'd like it if you could let me in today."

"You two are stubborn," Hagrid said gruffly as he pushed his chair back from the table. "He's come down every day since the paper came out."

Hagrid crossed to the door and opened it to let Albus come in. He didn't look entirely surprised to see me, but he gave me a small smile. He closed the door behind him, and he and Hagrid came and sat down at the table with me.

"Hello Bianca," Albus said, his eyes sparkling. "How did you manage to get Hagrid to open the door for you?"

"I didn't. I broke in," I answered honestly. "Enough was enough."

"Feisty innit she?" Hagrid laughed hoarsely his eyes tearing up again. "She really cares."

"She's got a very big heart," Albus agreed, his eyes still lingering on me.

"Well this is getting a little too group therapy for me," I said with a nervous laugh. "I'm going to go meet my boyfriend in Hogsmeade and make irresponsible teenage choices."

I stood as Albus chuckled at what I'd said. Hagrid nodded, and I gave him a small wave as I backed toward the door. I let myself out, and closed the door behind me. Pulling my cloak back on, I hurried down the steps and off toward the village. I passed the trio on my way and gave them a wave. I received hurried ones from Ron and Harry, but Hermione was storming determinately back toward the grounds and didn't even see me. She looked like a woman on a mission and I was not in the mood to interrupt her.

* * *

I spent a good chunk of the time leading up to the second challenge with Cedric. I felt a bit clingy after our… coupling after the Yule Ball and I didn't like to be too far away from him. Cedric thankfully didn't seem to be annoyed by it. We practically lived in the second floor lounge, which seemed to have become unofficially out of bounds for other students. We shared our different theories with each other about why there were so many different legends about the phoenix. We mutually wondered why Britain's information about the phoenix was so concrete if the rest of the world seemed so unsure.

On several nights I did not even return to Gryffindor tower. We weren't always doing anything when we returned to the room of requirement, but after we had been together, spending nights together just made sense. Sometimes I wanted to touch him and be touched in return, but some night I just wanted to feel his body close to mind while I slept. And if I was being completely honest, I was still avoiding most of the students. I suppose that made me a hypocrite for telling Hagrid to face everyone, but in my defense I was still attending all of my classes and going to meals in the great hall. I was just spending my spare time somewhere that was elsewhere, to quote Albus.

The night before the challenge I returned to Gryffindor tower with the intention of wishing Harry luck and actually sleeping there that night. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all missing from the common room which immediately made me worry. I went up to the girls' dormitory, and saw that Hermione wasn't there. I even went uninvited into the boys' dormitory, and saw that none of them were there either. I went back downstairs, thinking of going to check for them in the library, the only logical place to go when Hermione was missing. Neville cut me off on my way the portrait hole. When I tried to move around him he just stepped back into my path.

"I'm supposed to take you to Professor McGonagall," he said nervously.

"Did she say what she wanted me for?" I asked, following behind him.

"She wouldn't say," He replied. "She said I needed to get you to her office straight away. She didn't seem very happy. Are you in trouble?"

"I hope not," I said my heart lurching into a quicker rhythm in my chest as I wondered if she had found out that I hadn't been sleeping in the tower lately. "I don't think I've broken any rule. I hope I haven't broken any rules."

Neville stayed nervous as he led me off to meet with McGonagall, clearly feeling like he was leading a lamb to slaughter. The door was open, and I was surprised to find Hermione and Ron sitting in front of the desk apparently waiting for me as well.

"Thank you for joining us Bianca," McGonagall said from behind her desk. "That will be all Neville."

Neville left quickly, and I went to take the seat that was open beside Ron. I looked at the pair with a question on my face, but it was just reflected back at me in their own expressions. Apparently I wasn't the only one that had no idea what was going on this evening. My guilty nervousness faded at their presences, this clearly couldn't be about what I had thought it was about. We waited a few more minutes in awkward silence, and then Madam Maxine and Albus came into the room with a small girl with long silvery blonde hair. Albus gestured kindly to the chair next to me, and the girl came to sit down.

"I imagine you are all wondering why you are here tonight," Albus said in a friendly voice, his words quietly echoed by Madam Maxine in rapid French. "You'll all be playing a role in the second task tomorrow morning."

"How?" Hermione interrupted in a shocked voice.

"The champions will be asked to search the bottom of the lake for something that they would sorely miss if they were to actually lose it," Albus explained. "That something would be all of you."

"How are we supposed to survive underwater for an extended period of time," Hermione asked shrilly, and my heart lurched at the realization that Harry had been lying about having a solution for surviving tomorrow. If Hermione didn't have an answer, he didn't have one.

"You will be put into a sleep-like state," he explained. "Your body will be sustained, but you will not begin breathing again until you are brought above the surface of the water."

"What spell would do that?" I asked curiously.

"Doxydiphenius," he answered. "Not to be practiced without adult supervision. IS that understood?"

He looked around at all of us sternly, and we nodded vigorously that we would not try it. Ron looked confused as to why such a rule would even need to be made.

"We will have to keep you here for the night so the champions are not informed of what will be happening," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "We will procure cots for you, and unfortunately have to wake you rather early to get you down to the lake and ready for the task. Professor McGonagall will stay with you throughout the night. Are there any questions?"

"Who belongs to whom?" Ron asked looking around at everyone with a confused look on his face.

"Well Mr. Weasley, you belong to Harry Potter," Albus answered. "Little Ms. Delacour belongs to Ms. Delacour, Ms. Granger belongs to Mr. Krum, and Ms. Potter belongs to Mr. Diggory. Not that anyone really belongs to anyone."

Ron looked scandalized, but he didn't say anything else. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what scandalized him more, Hermione or me.

"What happens if one of the champions doesn't make it to the bottom of the lake?" I asked quietly, trying not to look too pointedly at Ron.

"If anyone is left behind I will retrieve them myself," Albus assured me. "None of you will be in any danger."

Fleur's little sister asked a question in French which Albus answered in French, and then I wondered why Madam Maxine was needed if he spoke the language. When the little girl burst into tears, and ran into the arms of the headmistress I understood a little better. She was quickly soothed and settled back into her chair with striking efficiency.

Albus conjured cots for us, and we all clamored into them. McGonagall made it clear that she wanted us to go to sleep, and not talk to one another, so I couldn't ask Hermione or Ron if Harry really was ready or not. I lay in my cot staring up at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come. The sun was just starting to brighten the sky and I thought I might actually drift off to sleep, when the door opened and Albus came back into the office.

He roused everyone quietly from sleep, or lounging in my case, and asked us to follow him down to the lake. IT was a quiet walk, though I think that was due mostly to the others still being groggy, rather than an abundance of nerves. Without even talking about it Ron, Hermione, and I took each other's hands and walked quietly behind the others. It felt like an unspoken agreement to settle our differences and to just be friends again.

When we reached the edge of the water we let go of one another's hands. We were facing a group of merpeople and they were fascinating and terrifying at the same time. They looked wild with their green hair, grey skin, and yellow eyes. I was torn between amusement that they looked nothing like the mermaids I had seen in story books and school, and wondering if they hair could be used in the core of a wand.

"I will lower you beneath the surface of the water as I cast the spell," Albus explained to all of us, drawing my attention back to the present. "Then the merpeople will take you to the bottom of the lake. We will do it one at a time. Are there any volunteers to go first?"

"I'll do it," I said quietly when no one volunteered.

He took my hand as he led me out into the lake. The water was freezing, but I tried to control my shivering. When the water was up to my waist we stopped. He turned me so I was facing him, and supported my head with a hand on the back of my neck as he started to lean me back.

"Take a deep breath and hold it," he instructed as he lowered me further and most of my body was covered with the freezing water. "Dream delicate dreams Bianca."

I complied with his instruction, and I felt the water rush over my face, but then I was sleeping and I no longer felt anything.


	46. Chapter 46

_**Song for this chapter: Bittersweet by Elli Goudling**_

* * *

I had strange dreams; all of them had some form of wetness to them. I had nightmares of drowning. I had had nice dreams of bubble baths. I had way too many dreams about always having to go to the bathroom. If I were in a position to intellectualize I would probably realize that the feeling of water touching my skin was influencing my dreams, but as it stood I just swam between one water dream to the next.

I was in the middle of a very interesting dream about the swimming hole back home when suddenly I was awake. I was spluttering water and trying to clear my eyes so I could see as I was dragged through the water toward the shore. Now that I was awake I could feel the coldness of the water once more and I did not like it.

"Bianca, are you okay?" Cedric asked in a breathy voice from beside me. "Are you awake now?"

"Yeah," I coughed, trying to swim on my own though my body didn't seem to be cooperating very well. "I'm okay, just cold."

"Yeah," he said with a laugh. "Me too."

"So the bubble head charm worked then?" I asked as my feet touched ground and I was able to move on my own.

"Yeah," he said as he pulled me into his body and ran his hands up and down my arms, clearly trying to warm me up even though we were both freezing. "The only trouble I ran into was trying to find my way. I got lost at the bottom of the lake for way too long."

Madam Pomfrey pulling me roughly from Cedric's arms, and wrapping me so tightly in a blanket that I could hardly move cut my reply short. She then did the same thing to Cedric and hustled us both away from the frigid cold water. She plopped us both down onto a platform that most of the judges were waiting on, and forced us both to take a pepper up potion. It tasted awful, but it did make me feel warmer than I had before so I couldn't complain too much.

"You were the first one out," I said quietly, leaning into Cedric, so he could hear me, and I could share a bit of his body heat.

"Yeah, but Harry got to you guys first," he explained. "He stayed to make sure everyone got rescued."

"That idiot," I sighed. "Does he really think Albus would leave anyone down there if their champion didn't get to them?"

"Are you sure," Fleur asked in a tear filled voice, and I just then noticed that she was sitting beside us in a blanket of her own, but her sister was nowhere to be seen.

"Yes, I'm sure," I assured her. "He told me last night when I was nervous about it."

This didn't seem to assure her, but I found I didn't care. She was a rude, vapid little girl, and if she wanted to fret over something that didn't need to be fretted over that was her choice. I leaned as far into Cedric as I could, and he leaned back into me to save our precarious balance.

As we watched the water a shark broke the surface. AS the water settled I realized that the shark was turning into Krum, and he had Hermione in tow. I smiled as people cheered, and watched as Madam Pomfrey went through the same routine with the pair of them on the edge of the lake.

"So if he transfigured himself into a shark," I whispered to Cedric. "How did he get Hermione back to the surface?"

"He only transfigured his head," Cedric explained. "He looked right creepy like that actually."

"Well the bubble head is not exactly flattering either," I pointed out with a chuckle. "It makes you look all distorted and shiny."

"Hey this bubble head got you above the surface of the lake, don't knock it," he said with a vibrant laugh.

"Speaking of the lake, what did Harry come up with to survive down there?" I asked.

"I'm not really sure. He ate something that gave him gills," Cedric said with a quirked brow. "Herbology isn't really my strong suit."

"Hmmm," I mussed. "That sounds familiar… but I can't… the name is just on the tip of my tongue."

Just then the water was thrashed about once more and a while group broke the surface. Harry, Ron, and Fleur's little sister were in the middle of a group of merpeople. They swam awkwardly to the edge of the water, and I thought I might know what the little girl had been so upset about last night when I realized that she couldn't swim.

They were all bundled up by Madam Pomfrey while the judges went to speak with the merpeople, Albus acting as translator. I hadn't realized he could speak mermish, but apparently he spoke it fluently. The judges broke away from the merpeople who disappeared below the surface and then they began to confer with one another.

When the broke apart Bagman began to announce the scores. They announced Fleur's first, and since she did not retrieve Gabrielle, which turned out to be her little sister's name, she only received twenty-five points. Then Cedric was given his score, a forty-seven, and I couldn't help but kiss him on the cheek in triumph. Krum was scored third and he was given forty points. They scored Harry last, and his actions were deemed highly morale so he was scored forty-five, even though he had finished well outside the time limit of an hour.

Bagman announced that the final task would take place on the twenty-fourth of June, but the champions would not be informed of what the tasked would be just yet. They would have a bit of a reprieve for about four months which would really be a reprieve for Hermione and Me. It would be a reprieve from the worry and from all the studying to try and get Harry through. I supposed that was selfish of me, but I still had to sit exams at the end of the year and I hadn't been focusing very well on my classes, so I was worried about how I was going to do.

* * *

Ron's spirits were high after the task because he wasn't sitting in the shadows of a big event this time. People were very interested in hearing what had happened to him. It made me smile to see him so sure of himself again. His contentment seemed to have cleared up whatever was left of a fight between the two of us, and we actually played a game of chess with one another after class.

I was daring Ron to eat his 12th piece of toast when an owl landed in front of Harry and gave him a very short letter. I leaned over to read it over Harry's shoulder and saw that it was setting up a meeting with Sirius during the next Hogsmeade visit.

"Can I come?" I asked after they had finished debating if he would really come back to the village when he was still wanted by the ministry.

"Of course you can, can't she Harry?" Ron laughed as if the idea that I might not be welcome was a joke.

"Sure," Harry nodded, and it seemed he didn't even remember forcing me to stay away from his other meeting with Sirius.

"Great," I smiled. "I bet he'd like it if we brought him some fruit. I bet he hasn't had fruit in ages."

We chatted amicably as we headed to our potions lesson in the dungeon. When we go nearer to the doors we saw the Slytherins gathered around reading something and laughing with each other. We moved in to see what was going on, and Pansy was smiling wickedly as she wielded a magazine smugly at Hermione. She said something snide and threw the magazine toward us, and I knew what was about to happen.

"Don't read it," I whispered quickly to Hermione.

"Why not, I have to know that they are saying don't I?" she asked as we hurried into the classroom.

"It's so much worse if you read it," I whispered knowingly. "I would know wouldn't I? I'm telling you, don't read it."

Hermione ignored me and flipped through the magazine until she found what Pansy had been reading. I looked long enough to see the title said _Harry Potter's Secret Heartache_, and I turned away. I knew this was about to be a train wreck and I didn't want to watch. The trio read and I knew when they reached the end because Ron was going all I-told-you-so on Hermione. Hen he said she'd been painted her as a scarlet woman I knew enough about the article to not even need to read it. Hermione had been Krum's something that would be sorely missed, but she was also close to Harry. Clearly she was having her own caught between two champions moment, only hers was much more controversial.

* * *

We put dealing with the article off to focus on the visit to Sirius. We nicked a bunch of food from the kitchens to take to him. We filled Harry's bag with chicken, bread, and pumpkin juice. I filled a second bag with a variety of fruit, and bunch of nuts, and several jugs of water. I would be leaving the bag wit him since he couldn't possibly eat it all at once and the food I was bringing out last longer than the food Harry was bringing.

We wandered around the village for a while until it was time to meet with Sirius. We stopped in so Harry could pick out a gift for the house elf named Dobby, and I hoped that no one noticed that our group smelled of chicken. When the time came we hurried off to meet with Sirius.

He looked dreadful. He was ravenous for the food we gave him, and for a while I just sat there watching him devour it. He needed the food that much was obvious. We talked about a lot of things while we sat in his little cave. The biggest thing that stood out for me was his suspicion that Harry's wand had gone missing before he had realized it at the World Cup. He reminded me of Albus as he paced about trying to figure out what was really going on in a situation where nothing made much sense. I found myself less upset with him then as the image of him as my potential murderer shifted to something far more parental. We also discovered his dislike for Barty crouch, which surprisingly made me suspicious of Crouch rather than wondering about Sirius's feelings. He told us about Crouch's son, and I understood the stiffness of the man a bit more.

Sirius transformed back into his dog form, and walked with us back down to the village. When we reached the edge, I paused and let the trio walk on without me. They looked back confused but I waved them on with a smile and stood beside the black dog that couldn't talk to me. I watched until the trio was out of earshot and then I looked down at the dog.

"I think I am ready to stop being mad at you," I said quietly, reaching out tentatively to scratch him behind the ears. "I think what happened on Halloween last year really was an accident."

He leaned in to me, wagging his tail, and I took that to mean that he agreed with what I was saying.

"I'm going to try and send more food to you as often as I can," I continued. "I can't have my God Father starving to death before I get a chance to really know him."

He barked at me with his tongue lolling out and I could tell that he was happy.

"I want things to be different," I said sadly, petting him once more as I stared off into the distance. "I don't want you to have to hide in a cave. It's wrong. I guess a lot of things are wrong. I just wish I could change it all."

He whined, and it was a pitiful sound coming from a dog.

"I should go back, Cedric is waiting for me," I said working a smile back onto my face. "Goodbye."

I walked off and I didn't look back. I felt sadder than I should have with someone I barely knew, so I did not allow myself to look back. I walked to the teashop that I had come to think of as our teashop. Cedric was waiting for me in the back booth. He was sitting alone playing with one of the teacups. He looked up, and when he saw me his face lit up in a brilliant smile. It made my knees feel like they were made of J-ello as I made my way over to him.

"Hello," I breathed happily as I sunk down into the booth next to him. "Have you ordered any tea?"

"Not yet," he said as he leaned in to kiss my cheek. "I couldn't decide between peppermint and earl grey."

"Well, you know how I love peppermint," I smiled. "But its feeling a bit like an earl grey day to me."

We ordered the tea and some biscuits. I talked to him about the trip to the shrieking shack I'd supposedly had with the trio, hoping that I wouldn't blush and give away the fact that I was lying. I didn't want to lie to Cedric, but I couldn't very well tell him I had been visiting a supposed mass murderer. We spent the day enjoying one another's company and taking playful guesses at what the third task would be.

* * *

The fallout from the article about Hermione was much worse than mine. She received far more mail, and it was all hateful. The worst was an envelope full of undiluted butotuber pus that caused sores to break out all over her hands. I tried to keep her spirits up, but the hurtful people were starting to get to her.

I was heading off to check on her after she missed herbology when I ran into Professor Moody in the corridor. I was going to try and ditch into a hidden passageway but I caught his attention and he stopped directly in my path. There wasn't much I could do but face him then.

"Ms. Potter, what are you doing roaming about the castle in the middle of the day?" he asked in his gruff voice. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

"I was just on my way up to the hospital wing to check on my friend." I answered honestly. "I was planning to go to class afterward.'

"Is your friend dying?" he asked quietly.

"No, she just injured her hands," I said, looking down at the floor somehow feeling guilty that it wasn't a dire circumstance.

"You cannot skip class Ms. Potter," he pointed out roughly. "Unless there is a dire need, which there clearly isn't, you cannot simply skiv lessons to visit a friend. You will now be serving a detention with me tonight at seven. Get to class."

I hurried back the other way, and down to Hagrid's hut. I made it down after the lesson had already started. It was about nifflers and he explained them to me while the rest of the class sent them off searching for the leprechaun money he had hidden in his garden. Since everyone had already started I had no chance of catching up and winning the competition. I could learn just as much by watching so I didn't even bother. Instead I watched the animals work and fretted over the detention I had earned myself. Hermione showed up just before the lesson ended.

The lesson came to a close, Ron being declared the winner. He didn't seem as amused about his win when he discovered that the Leprechaun gold wasn't real but I couldn't think of anything to say that would make him feel better about his family being poor so I remained silent. Instead I listened quietly while the others made plans to stay and visit with Hagrid until it was time for me to head back up to the castle.

"Are you staying," Harry asked quietly when I started to follow the rest of the class up to the castle.

"No," I sighed. "I need to finish my potions essay before my detention tonight."

"You've got detention?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Yeah, I was skipping class to go and check on Hermione," I explained. "I ran into Moody on the way to the hospital wing. It did not go well."

"Well good luck," he said with a look of camaraderie. "Maybe he will just make you practice the imperious curse again, and you are already a natural at bucking it."

"Ugh, I hope it isn't that again," I grumbled. "I hated that."

I made my way up to the castle so I could get to work on my essay about the five poisons Snape had told us about this term, and the antidote that could neutralize all five of them. I already had six inches, but I needed a least another four more before tomorrow when I would turn it in. I hurried a bit through my defense of the bezoar as the best possible antidote for all five. I thought he might expect the antidote we were working on in class, but from what I had read it was only twenty-seven percent effective against the draught of living death, whereas the bezoar had a more reliable seventy-six percent success rate.

By 6:45 I had twelve inches total so I wrapped it up and put my things in my bag. I didn't even look around to see who all was present as I raced out of the common room not wanting to be late for the detention and cause myself more trouble. The corridors were mostly empty so I didn't run into many people as I hurried off to Moody's classroom .The door was open and he was sitting at his desk pouring a cup of tea when I came in.

"Have a seat Ms. Potter," he said, waving to a desk in the front row before spelling the classroom door closed. "Do you have parchment and a quill with you this evening?"

"Yes professor," I said respectfully, relieved that I would only be writing lines.

"Good you'll be doing lines tonight," he said as he walked over and set the cup of tea on the desk in front of me. "Enjoy some tea, we will be here for a while."

"Thank you professor," I said, taking a sip, thoroughly surprised at his hospitality.

"You will be writing 'I will not skip my lessons' until I tell you to stop," he instructed before he went to sit behind his desk once more and began pouring himself a cup of tea.

I wrote several lines, and then I stopped to take another drink of my tea. Moody was watching me closely so I went straight back to my lines, not wanting to anger him. It was quiet for a while, save for the scratching my quill. I wrote my lines and he watched me.

"How are you coping, having both your brother and your fiancé in the Triwizard tournament?" he asked me after a long time.

"He isn't my fiancé," I answered quickly, wondering why it was important to me that he understand the truth. "It's been really hard, but there is only one task left. It will be done soon."

"That sounds hard," he said, and his voice actually sounded sympathetic though his face just seemed curious. "Do you have a good support group?"

"Yeah," I said quickly, feeling propelled to tell him the truth again. "Hermione and Ron are good to lean on, but Albus has been a rock for me."

"You're on first name terms with the headmaster?" he said, and it sounded like he was surprised, but I knew that he must already know I was his ward, Albus and Moody were friends after all.

"Well yes," I said plainly. "He's my adoptive father. I live with him outside of school."

"Really?" he mused. "I did not know that… are you very close to the headmaster?"

"Yes," I answered just as quickly, but I was starting to grow suspicious of Mood as well as how I was feeling. "These questions seem impertinent… I'm sorry that was insubordinate."

"No matter," he waved it off. "I was just being curious. Return to your lines."

"Okay," I agreed easily.

I went back to my lines, filling up more and more of the parchment. It stayed quiet, but I could feel his eyes on me still. I didn't know how long we would be sitting here doing this, but I didn't want to do it anymore. My had was tired… I was tired.

"Why do you think you are essentially unaffected by the imperious curse?" he asked me from over the top of his tea cup.

"I can't be sure," I said trying to fight the impulse to just tell him the truth that I felt building in my chest, but I failed. "I think maybe I'm not like the other kids. Not like other people."

"What do you mean by that?" he pressed

"I'm not sure I'm entirely human," I whispered.

"That's nonsense," he scoffed. "Of course you're human. Unless you think you may have veela blood or something?"

"No, I don't think I'm related to any veelas," I said, my suspicion flaring to life in my chest again as I started to realize that this feeling was very familiar. "Why are you asking me these things?"

"Just making conversation," he said in a soothing tone. "How are your lines coming?"

"I've written 387 lines," I answered. "My hand is tired. I don't want to do this anymore. Why did I say that out loud?"

"Don't worry about it," he said dismissively. "Do you and Albus send a lot of time together?"

"I suppose. More so in the summers than during the year." I answered dumbly. "WE used to have weekly dinners, but I've stopped making time for them. I've been too wrapped up in everything else to make time for him."

"Do you like the dinners when you go to them?" Moody asked.

"Yes," I sighed. "I do."

"What do you guys do at your dinners?" he pushed.

"We talk," I pointed out. "We talk about everything."

"What sorts of topics fall under the category of everything?" he prodded.

"Uh… boys, school, food, I don't know. Everything." I breathed, feeling my annoyance growing again.

"Do you guys ever talk about him?" he asked.

"Yeah sometimes," I answered. "He tells me stories sometimes."

"What kind of stories?" he asked, leaning forward in his seat.

"All kinds," I breathed with a smile. "He told me about this time when he was younger. He and his brother fought. His brother broke his nose."

"Does he ever tell you stories about his work?" Moody asked.

"Not very often," I admitted. "After second year he told me about working at the school the first time the Chamber of Secrets had been opened. He told me about how hard it was to expel Hagrid when he knew he wasn't the one that opened the chamber."

"If he knew it wasn't him, why would he go along with it?" Moody questioned.

"Albus is very smart. The smartest man I know." I answered. "Smart enough to know not to make an accusation that he couldn't prove."

"Has he told you any other work stories?" he pushed.

"Yes, but I am not going to tell you," I said sharply as I figured out why this feeling was so familiar. I've just begun to understand. You've given me veritaserum. I don't know why exactly you are pumping me for information, but I am sure Albus can figure it out when I tell him."

"I think you've done enough lines Ms. Potter," he said sharply. "You can return to your house now."

I was surprised that he didn't even address what I had said, but I stood and gathered my things. I prepared to leave though I had no intention of going back to Gryffindor. I was almost to the door when I heard it. He barely said it louder than a whispered, but I heard it.

"Obliviate," he said, and then I heard the door closing.

My mind went fuzzy. One minute I was turng into the corridor on a mission to see Albus. The next I was staring at the wall in front of me, wondering where I was and what I was doing here. I looked around and the corridor was empty. I turned on the spot and saw that I was standing outside Moody's office. Why was I here? I'd had a detention hadn't I? I could remember showing up for the detention I just couldn't remember serving it.

I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I knocked once more, but when there still wasn't an answer I left. I went back to Gryffindor and straight up to my dormitory. I sat on my bed and pulled everything out of my bag to see if there were any clues. I found a piece of parchment and on it there were lines. Over and over again it said 'I will not skip my lessons.' I guess I had served my detention then. I tried to push the nagging anxiety of not know why I couldn't remember out of my mind and changed for bed.

* * *

The hate mail kept pouring in for Hermione, and it fueled her desire to break Rita Skeeter in some way. She was on a hunt to find how Skeeter was getting her answers and she wasn't going to stop until she knew. I avoided her crusade. I didn't want any part of it, I'd already gotten my fingers burned by the woman, and I wasn't about to stick my hand back into that fire. So while she was on the warpath I was keeping my head in a book or spending my time with Cedric. I even wrote a song for him, but I hadn't gotten up the courage to sing it to him yet.

The twenty-fourth of May rolled around during my time of trying to fly under the radar once more, and I found out what the final challenge would be when Cedric came and found me in the library and coaxed me out of a book about counter-jinxes and a pile of notes about Defense Against the Dark Arts. He told me that the task would be a maze, but that he didn't want to talk about that tonight. He wanted to go to the room of requirement, and spend the evening together if I was agreeable. I of course had no objections, but I didn't want to seem too eager.

So I took my time packing my things into my bag, and let him pull me out of the library. Once in the corridor I gave myself over to the giggles that had been threatening to break free. The pair of us raced off to the seventh floor with smiles on our faces.

I stood leaning against the wall blushing with a slight case of the giggles while Cedric paced back and forth in front of the wall thinking about what should be behind the door when it appeared. As soon as there was a door handle he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the room quickly behind him.

"I've been missing you," he whispered against my lips before his tongue invaded my mouth.

"I've been missing you too," I panted, knowing that we weren't talking about each other's company.

"Do you want to?" he whispered as he pulled my bag off my shoulder and followed the path of his hand with a trail of kisses.

"Yes," I whispered back. "But not yet. I want to show you something first.

"Okay," he said with a kind smile, but he stepped away from me, and I got the impression it was so he could control himself.

"I don't have my guitar on me, so it will have to be a capella," I said, gesturing for him to sit on the bed behind us before combing my fingers through my hair nervously. 'But I wrote you a song."

"Like… it's about me?" he asked looking surprised.

"Yeah," I sighed with a soft smile.

"No one has ever written me a song," he beamed. "I already love it."

"You should probably hear it first," I said, smacking his arm when he tried to pull me into his lap. "You could hate it."

"I doubt that," he chuckled.

"Alright… so, ready?" I asked and he nodded.

_Remember those walls I built_

_Well, baby they're tumbling down_

_And they didn't even put up a fight_

_They didn't even make up a sound_

_I found a way to let you in_

_But I never really had a doubt_

_Standing in the light of your halo_

_I got my angel now_

_It's like I've been awakened_

_Every rule I had you breakin'_

_It's the risk that I'm takin'_

_I ain't never gonna shut you out_

_Everywhere I'm looking now_

_I'm surrounded by your embrace_

_Baby I can see your halo_

_You know you're my saving grace_

_You're everything I need and more_

_It's written all over your face_

_Baby I can feel your halo_

_Pray it won't fade away_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

_Hit me like a ray of sun_

_Burning through my darkest night_

_You're the only one that I want_

_Think I'm addicted to your light_

_I swore I'd never fall again_

_But this don't even feel like falling_

_Gravity can't forget_

_To pull me back to the ground again_

_Feels like I've been awakened_

_Every rule I had you breakin'_

_The risk that I'm takin'_

_I'm never gonna shut you out_

_Everywhere I'm looking now_

_I'm surrounded by your embrace_

_Baby I can see your halo_

_You know you're my saving grace_

_You're everything I need and more_

_It's written all over your face_

_Baby I can feel your halo_

_Pray it won't fade away_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

_Halo, halo_

_Everywhere I'm looking now_

_I'm surrounded by your embrace_

_Baby I can see your halo_

_You know you're my saving grace_

_You're everything I need and more_

_It's written all over your face_

_Baby I can feel your halo_

_Pray it won't fade away_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

_I can feel your halo halo halo_

_I can see your halo halo halo_

I stopped singing, and I waited for his reaction. I waited to see what he would say, but he was being very quiet. He was watching me and not moving at all, and it made me grow nervous. I was about to apologize for how bad it had clearly been when I realized that his eyes were sparkling with wetness. That was all I needed to see to understand his quietness. Cedric was never a man of many words, and they were most difficult for him during emotional times. He always needed a minute to get his words together.

Just then I didn't want words though. I threw myself at him, and I crashed my lips into his. I wanted to devour his every emotion in that moment, and I tried to show him that with my kiss. For a second he was still, but then he responded with ferocity. Things escalated quickly, one thing leading to a another, and then we were reclaiming each other's bodies again. It was an intense as the first itme, and yet it was completely different as well.


	47. Chapter 47

_**Song for this chapter: The Way It Ends by Landon Pigg**_

* * *

The month leading up to the last challenge flew past too fast for me to catch any of it with real detail. I was working with Cedric on compiling a list of hexes, counter-curses, protection charms, and general spells he may need. I was then sneaking that list to Harry and getting him to practice them as well. I was attending my classes. I was studying for my final exams. On top of all that I was trying to avoid Professor Moody.

I had been looking through the lines he had me write, still trying to piece together what I was missing from that night, and I had discovered something. In between some of the lines, there were other words. It looked as if I had been trying to talk to myself while writing. They didn't form coherent thoughts, but they were enough to make me suspicious. Sprinkled throughout my punitive lines were the words, bad, snooping, can't, and lie.

The month flew by so fast that I was surprised to find myself sitting in my final exams. I was rushing through transfiguration, and dashing off to charms, all the while wondering how I hadn't noticed it was the end of the year. I was caught in a race toward a finish line I wasn't really ready to reach. The finish line meant watching my loved ones put themselves at risk again, and I wasn't sure I could do that for a third time. Both Harry and Cedric seemed very well prepared for this challenge, but it didn't really put my nerves at ease.

During one of the many trips with Hermione to the library, I had also stumbled upon a very interesting book. It looked ancient, and it had been sitting on the wrong shelf or I never would have come across it. I wondered if it had been planted there when I found it between two books about counter-jinxes.

The worn old title said _The Day I Became a Hindu_. I pulled it from the shelf fist in confusion and then with interest. I blew dust off of the cover, looking over the small book with a piercing eye. Just reading the first page told me that it had to do with a phoenix, and without much thought I checked it out.

I read it that night before I went to bed, and it told the story of a Buddhist man who had been on a spiritual journey through the forest when he stumbled upon a phoenix as it entered the burning days. The man stopped to watch as the phoenix was reborn, and was astounded to discover that it was not reborn into a bird, but into a human. The man wandered away in astonishment and went on to talk about the religious implications of what he had seen.

I wished that he had gone into more detail about how the transformation had actually worked. Surely it had been metaphorical for it all to have happened in one night? I wanted to understand how I had come to be, and while his book seemed to be proof that Albus had been right about me, I still didn't have the answers that I really wanted. I didn't know what to do with that information so I stayed silent about it.

In the race for the finish I also learned that Barty Crouch had gone mad, shown up on the grounds, attacked Viktor Krum, and disappeared. Karkaroff insulted Albus in front of Hagrid as a result, and the repercussions for that were less than amicable. The entire situation was a mess, and extremely confusing. Harry couldn't sort it out either, and he had been present. Sirius's response hadn't been much help in sorting it out, as he was angry that Harry had walked off into the forest with Krum in the first place.

Then there had been Harry's fainting incident. Well he hadn't really fainted I guess, but that was what it had looked like to everyone in divination. He had another of his strange dreams about Voldemort and it was terrifying. It kept popping into my mind at the wrong time, and it made it incredibly difficult to focus on the Runes test I was supposed to be sitting. At this rate, I would be luck to pass my fourth year at all.

It was worse that I had the things Harry had seen in the pensive swimming around in my mind as well. One moment I would be looking at the symbol I needed to translate, and the next I would be seeing the face of Bagman and trying to picture him when he had been accused of being a death eater. It was either runes or Barty Crouch Junior and his dreadful story. Either way my mind felt too full.

Then of course there had been Rita Skeeter's article about Harry. IT was a bit of a nightmare really. It had come out just this morning. It painted him as a complete lunatic because of his episode in divination. Hermione had run off to the library to research a new idea right after hearing about it, and Ron and I were left staring at Harry. Neither of us was sure what to say to him. We didn't have much chance to stay with him and try to repair the potential damage though, we both had to get to our History of Magic exam.

I rushed through my retelling of the Goblin Wars. I just wanted to be finished and get back to Harry and find out if he was okay. I didn't think he would have to worry about getting hate mail since he was The Boy Who Lived, but it was still hard to focus on spelling Goblin names right when I was worried that Harry might be going a bit mental over everyone thinking he was… well mental.

I rushed out of the exam as soon as I was done and nearly crashed into Cedric. He diverted my attention before I could go looking for Harry.

"My parents are here," he said as he led me over to the Hufflepuff table. "I think my dad would like to talk to you."

"Alright," I said a bit more tersely than I meant to.

We walked over, and I took a seat next to Cedric, focusing on serving myself a sandwich far more than was strictly necessary.

"Bianca," Mr. Diggory said, drawing my attention to him against my better judgment. "I'm very sorry for everything that happened at the World Cup. I was out of line."

"Why were you out of line?" I asked in a soft voice, not wanting to bite his head off when he was trying, but needing to hear him say it.

"I was wrong to even think you could have been a part for what happened," he said adamantly, and I believed him. "Nothing like that will ever happen again. I know you are loyal."

"I forgive you," I sighed after a moment, my back relaxing from its stiff posture. "Besides, no one can stay mad forever."

We enjoyed a nice lunch together, talking about the task that evening, and what we would do this summer once we got home. Cedric would be graduating from Hogwarts, so the Diggorys were planning a trip, most likely to Ireland in July, and they said I was more than welcome to come. So it was with daydreams of the Irish countryside that I headed off to my last exam of my fourth year, Defense Against the Dark Arts.

I managed to work my way through the rigorous curses that Moody threw at me during our practical exam without too much difficulty, though I did break a sweat. I nearly missed getting my shield up against a jelly-legs curse, but I made it just in time and it looked like I would be getting good marks for the practical portion. As a whole, the class then had to sit a written test on the unforgivable curses. I had wondered if we were going to be curses with any of them during the exam, but seeing as the minister of magic was present in the castle to fill in as a judge we had likely gotten a reprieve.

At the end of the exam I went to put my test on the stack of other tests on a table at the back of the room. I wanted to hurry out the door and get as far away from Moody as I could, but I did not get my wish. I was almost to the door when he called me back.

"Ms. Potter, could you stay back a minute?" he asked from where he was sitting at his desk.

"Um, sure Professor," I said somewhat edgily. "Do you need something from me?"

"Just something simple and then you may go," he said quietly. "My leg is giving me a bit of trouble, and it would be a great help to me if you could grab those tests and bring them over to my desk."

It seemed harmless enough, so I crossed back to the table and reached out to grab the tests. As soon as my fingers closed around the edges I knew that something was very wrong but it was too late to undo my mistake. The papers glowed with blue light, and I recognized the initiation of the portus charm. Then I felt the telltale tugging behind my navel. There was no mistaking that I had grabbed a portkey when my felt lifted up off and the ground and I felt my body flying through the air.

It was a wild ride with my hair whipping around me and my dress fluttering in a very revealing way. Then I slammed into the ground. The momentum of the unexpected trip threw me forward and I face planted in the grass. I clutched the tests in my hand, unwilling to let them go as if they might somehow send me home, and I pulled myself up out of the grass. The sun was just beginning to set, and it was casting an orange glow around me. The light made my new location that much more creepy when I realized that I was standing in a graveyard. Why in the world was I here?

I didn't have much time to think about it before I saw someone moving toward me. I backed up my hand immediately going for my wand. My movements faltered and I froze in place when I realized that I recognized the man coming toward me. Now I not only wanted to know why I was in a graveyard, I wanted to know why Peter Pettigrew was with me.

"Wormtail?" I asked, not entirely sure if I even needed to hide. "What's going on here?"

"Incarcerous," was his sharp response.

I realized my mistake in having not drawn my wand, and inexplicably my mind wandered to the exam I had just taken and how many points I would have lost for such a stupid mistake. Now I knew that I was in trouble, and I had no recourse. My wand was still in the pocket of my robe, and I was tipping precariously under the weight and momentum of the ropes that had snapped my limbs together. I fell over with a thud that knocked all the air from my lungs as Wormtail began moving closer.

I squirmed around on the ground, trying to loosen the ropes but it was to no avail. Wormtail loomed over me, and pulled me up just slightly off the ground before he began dragging me past headstones. The rough ground was tearing at my exposed legs and I started to yell at him. He cast a curse that I didn't recognize and suddenly my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, silencing me.

I saw my wand slip out of my pocket and roll into the thick grass next to a headstone and my heart sunk in my chest. Wormtail hadn't noticed it, but now I had no chance of gaining access to my wand. I couldn't even try to summon it because I had been silenced indefinitely. He pulled me further and further from the spot where I had appeared and I began to wonder where exactly we were going.

He drug me through the maze of disorganized headstones, not even bothering to make sure I didn't hit any of them. I could feel my skin bruising and breaking, but he didn't seem to notice. Tears began to stream down my ace, but he still dragged me, his labored breathing and the sound of fabric dragging over grass the only sounds I could hear.

Finally we stopped, and he pushed me up against a headstone that stood taller than many of the others around it. When I was pressed up against it I was nearly hidden by the wide expanse of wings that was curled forward in a protective gesture. I hadn't gotten a good look at it before he'd thrown me against it, but I got the impression that it was some sort of angel statue.

He bound me so tightly to it that I could not so much as turn my head. I was held perfectly still facing toward the open area at the head of the graveyard where I had appeared. That was the only place I could look and I got the sinking feeling in my gut that I was going to be forced to watch something disturbing. I wondered what would come next, horrible images and ideas running through my mind, but then Wormtail just walked away leaving me there without a word.

He walked back to where I had been, and he picked up the test papers that I had dropped. He used his wand to set them aflame and let them drift back to the grass as they withered into ash. The only trace of me other than my body had been erased from the cemetery. As it grew darker Wormtail moved about working, and I tried unsuccessfully to wriggle beneath the ropes that held me. I knew that something else was coming, and that I would be able to see what it would be, but whoever would be involved would not be able to see me.

Darkness fell, and I could hardly see myself. My own clothing, the ropes, and the dark headstone I was bound to masked me in darkness. I could see the graveyard fairly well in the dying light, perhaps because my eyes had already adjusted, but I was sure no one could see me. I started to realize that Wormtail had every intention of doing something that would be traumatizing for me, and I was only meant to be a spectator.

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After it had grown fully dark in the graveyard the waiting ended. There was a burst of blue light, and then two bodies appeared in the same spot I had occupied earlier in the evening. I blinked rapidly waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness once more, and when they did I realized with a twist of my stomach that I recognized the two figures that were scrambling up from the grass. Cedric and Harry were in the graveyard now, and I couldn't even call out to tell them to run. They had no idea how much danger they were in.

Harry toppled over almost immediately after standing up and I realized that there was something wrong with his leg. Cedric moved as if to help him, but then Wormtail appeared once more. He was carrying a bundle, and I wanted desperately to know what was inside of it. It seemed that just the sight of Wormtail with that bundle did something to Harry. He collapsed on the ground clutching at his head.

"Kill the spare," said a high pitched voice, and it drifted to me on the wind.

Time seemed to slow down as Wormtail's wand arm swung up into the air. I held my breath, knowing that whichever person took the curse would ruin me. There was a blast of green light, and a rushing sound, and then Cedric crumbled to the ground.

I felt the tendons of my throat straining as I screamed but there was no sound. I tried to rip myself from the headstone to go to him, but it was no use. I couldn't budge. I needed to go to him; I needed to hold him, to prove to myself that it hadn't really happened. This couldn't be happening. He wasn't really dead.

If I could just get to him all of this would end, but I couldn't move. I couldn't call out. I couldn't do anything but struggle to try and free myself, and stare at his terribly still body lying spread eagled in the grass. My eyes burned and tears began to fall as I gave up hope of breaking free from the headstone. I slumped against my bindings, silent, as the torrent of tears broke free.

I cried, and I watched. Through blurry eyes I watch as something terrible came to pass. Wormtail bound Harry to another gravestone, and pulled a great cauldron into the open. It was massive, and no potion brewed in that beast could bring something good into the world. He dropped that wriggling bundle into the cauldron and went back to work. He began to say some sort of incantation, but I couldn't hear him like I had heard the high pitched voice. He brutally cut off his own hand and I had to look away, choking on the vomit that rose up in my throat but could not pass my tongue. I didn't want to watch this anymore.

Instead I stared at Cedric. I couldn't look away from him no matter how it tore at my heart. He laid still, the light of the fire from under the cauldron flickering across his skin. The light dancing off his hair and skin made it hard to believe that he would never move again. He looked like he was moving now. The changing light made him seem lively, and I wished desperately that he would sit up and smile at me just one more time.

I let my eyes wander back to the others when the light grew brighter. There were sparks dancing across the surface of the cauldron. If it were any other night I might find the sight beautiful, but tonight the light only heralded further darkness. It was blindingly bright but I couldn't look away. I could feel something coming, and the start of it was sitting inside that cauldron. I felt as if I were watching the end of the world, the end of everything. The end had already begun in the death of the beautiful boy who lay in the grass, but that was just the beginning of this thing that was spinning out of control. The spiral that was rushing in toward its center.

The sparks stopped, drowning us temporarily in inky darkness. Steam billowed out of the top and fell heavily into the grass and for a second everything was quiet and still. Then a man stood from within the cauldron and the blood seemed to freeze within my veins. Wormtail moved swiftly but clumsily to robe the man, and it did little to hide the inhume stature and pale white skin.

The man stepped out of the cauldron and I wanted to pretend that from a distance I didn't know what I was seeing. But I couldn't even pretend. Even I could see it, I would have felt it no matter my mental state. The change could be felt in the air. It was like everything had grown cold; as if all hope had disappeared from the world. It wasn't like a dementor was present, but that was the best way I could describe the feeling of evil that rolled off of the man standing beside the cauldron. I knew more clearly than I had ever known anything that I was staring at Voldemort. He was alive, and I hated him so much that I was certain I could use my own hands to end his life again.

I wished that I could say I was numb as I looked on but I was just the opposite. I was devastated about Cedric, I was terrified of the man who had emerged from the cauldron, I was desperate for some way to get to Harry and get the both of us out of here, and more than anything I wanted Albus. I wanted him to magically appear in my time of need like he had done so many times before I wanted him to save us, but I knew in the pit of my stomach that he would not appear. We were alone tonight and it was going to stay that way.

Voldemort did something to Wormtail's arm, and the man crumpled in pain. Voldemort began to pace agitatedly while Wormtail laid in the grass crying. I could see that Voldemort was speaking to Harry, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I was just too far away. As he paced, making his little speech, men began to appear throughout the graveyard. They apparated in and their fear was tangent in the air. The slowly worked their way toward this master with hesitant and unsure steps. One by one they each crawled up to him and kissed his robes. It was disgusting.

They all moved to form a circle around Voldemort, Harry, and the sobbing Wormtail. If it weren't for the slight slope of the ground they would have blocked my view entirely. Voldemort began to speak, and most of it was still out of my hearing range, but as he preached to his followers I caught bits and pieces. I caught something about an accusation of disloyalty, and something about his efforts to attain immortality. His choice to call Albus the champion of commoners irritated me to no end, but that hardly seemed to matter.

The group became restless after that, and then I could hear shrieks of pain. He was torturing one of his followers, and the others just watched on as if it were completely normal. He cast another spell when he had finished his torture, and conjured a silver hand for Wormtail to replace the one he had chopped off for his master.

At one point I caught the voice of Lucius Malfoy but I couldn't discern what exactly he was talking about. There were several other conversations that followed that one, but then it changed. Voldemort's voice grew more heated, and thus it was able to carry over to me much more easily. He was rhapsodizing about his most faithful servant; a servant who was at Hogwarts. He never said the name, but I knew it already. It was completely wrong on so many levels, but it had to be Moody. One of the most infamous aurors was Voldemort's most faithful servant. I supposed that it made sense, with all the disdain Voldemort showed for those who had escaped punishment, it made sense that his most loyal servant would devote himself to delivering punishment to as many as he could. The overwhelming amount of emotions roiling through me were flash burned away by the rage that built up in my chest at the very thought that Moody professed himself to be a man of the law.

I burned with that anger as I impotently watch Voldemort torture my brother. I burned with that anger still as Harry battled Voldemort. I prayed that he would win, and the fiery anger kept me from thinking about what would happen if he didn't. They each cast a spell and a beam of red light met a beam of green light in the air, causing their wands to intertwine.

They became encased in a bright cage of light, and I could not see very well inside from where I was bound. I had no idea what was happening, and my eyes burned in pain from the brightness. They were both fiercely focused, but it seemed that Voldemort was working harder than Harry was. Suddenly smoky forms began to emerge from Voldemort's wand, and they were difficult to make out from a distance, but they were definitely human forms.

They weren't real people, but they were like people. I understood that his wand was being forced to produce its past spells and my heart lurched as I realized one of those grey smoky forms would be Cedric. My Cedric was prowling around inside that golden cage, and I still couldn't get to him. I thrashed against my bindings once more, but my desperation meant nothing against the tight and unyielding ropes.

Things happened quickly after that. The cage was broken, and Harry ran clumsily away from the madness. He threw himself at Cedric's body and summoned the portkey that had brought them here as the shadowy figures converged on Voldemort. Harry disappeared with Cedric's body in a flash of blue like and greyness pushed in on Voldemort. In a rush, a grey figure appeared in front of me. It was already fading away, but I could still recognize Cedric's eyes, the line of his haw, and the firm curve of his shoulders. When he stopped in front of me he was little more than a floating chest and head, but he whispered to me before he disappeared on the wind.

"I love you," the specter's voice lingered around me, and though it had been Cedric's voice it hadn't been.

His last words to me where I love you, and I couldn't even tell him that I loved him back. The tears started once more as I stared at the empty air in front of me, desperate for him to re-materialize. Even knowing it wasn't really him didn't change that. Soon the air around me was no longer empty. Voldemort stood in front of me, rage boiling in his red eyes. He pushed me back against the headstone shrieking words that didn't even make sense to me at first. I could see his death eaters shifting around uneasily behind him, but I wasn't afraid of them. I was afraid of the man that was screaming in my face.

"Answer me," he shrieked, slapping his hands against the headstone on either side of my head.

"M-master," Wormtail stammered from behind him.

"What is it you insipid worm?" he bellowed, turning to look at him.

"S-she can't answer my lord," he stuttered. "I tied her tongue."

He shrieked again, but then he cast a silent spell on me. I felt my tongue unstick from the roof of my mouth, and I let my jaw drop down, sucking in deep breaths greedily. I tried to calm myself, but the air didn't help. The tears just got worse and I realized I was on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Now," he said fiercely. "Tell me if Albus Dumbledore will show up in this graveyard any second at the word of your brother."

"N-no," I sobbed.

"You think you can refuse me?" he screamed in my face. "Crucio."

It was pain of the likes I had never felt. I bucked against my restraints screaming until I was sure my throat would be bleeding. My very bones were on fire, I was sure of it. The pain blinded me and it seemed like it would never end. And yet it eventually did.

"No, will you answer me?" he asked. "Or will I have to punish you again?"

"I did answer you," I panted. "He won't come. He will stay with Harry."

"You are sure," he pushed.

"Y-yes," I breathed. "He won't know I'm here. Harry never even saw me. It's likely he hasn't noticed yet that I am missing, and he will be focused on protecting Harry and comforting Cedric's family. He will wait to come after you."

"Good," he said with a triumphant gleam in his eyes. "It's time to move; Lucius we will go to your manor."

"Yes my lord," he said stepping forward instantly. "Of course."

The ropes holding me to the headstone were severed, and I found myself crushed against the cold chest of Voldemort before I was crushed by the sensation of apparition. I couldn't have tried to pull myself away from him even if I wasn't still tangled in the ropes that had bound me. His hold was too tight, and the pressure to much on my frayed nerves. One minute I was pressed against him, and the next I was being thrown down onto an unforgiving stone floor in a dark room. He barked and order for someone to unlock a door and I was kicked inside an even darker room.

I hoped that he would just leave me there, be he came into the room using his wand to brighten the room slightly. A group of death eaters trailed behind him creating a moving mass of black behind him, broken only by their silver masks. I was dragged across the floor and thrown against the wall as I realized that I was in some sort of dungeon chamber. He had removed the ropes that bound me as well as my robes before I could even think of fighting him off. Just as quickly I found my arms shackled to the wall above my head, and my feet shackled to the floor with little room to move my legs. I could move more than I could in the graveyard, but it wasn't by much more.

"No one is to kill her," he said in a strangely soft voice that was still loaded with authority. "My most faithful servant has already informed me that she is a fountain of knowledge about Dumbledore, she will be very useful. She is not to be killed."

"Yes my lord," several voices answered.

"I think she will need a little convincing before she will talk," he said icily. "I'll leave that to you all. I have other matters to which I must attend this evening."

He turned and walked out of the room taking the light with him. A terrible sickness rolled through my stomach as the dark masses closed in on me. It was a strange sensation, but I wished that Voldemort would have stayed. Somehow it had seemed safer with him in the room. He wanted information from me, and that would be his focus. These men just wanted to hurt someone, and they wouldn't care about anything out of me. Their only goal was to refrain from killing me.

"Don't use magic," his high pitched voice called over his shoulder before the door slid closed.

I closed my eyes when I heard that. I knew before the first blow even hit me that this was going to be terrible and I didn't want to see it. Just feeling it was bad enough. At first I could make out individual impacts from fists or boots, but the rapidly blurred together. All I could feel was burning screaming pain. I was being smashed, broken, destroyed.

Everything hurt, and no matter how I screamed or begged they did not stop. I felt things break. I felt blood coating my skin and running from my wounds. I tasted blood in my mouth, and knew that it was trickling from my nose. The pain was terrible, and yet it didn't matter. I would have hurt without it, but they just kept going, because they didn't care either. It was just meaningless violence to them. I wasn't even a person to them. I was just a punching back.

I couldn't have said how long it lasted. I stayed awake long enough to feel the brutality of it. I heard the nasty things they said to me as they beat me down, but eventually it all began to fade. Their voices merged together and became a murmur of sounds. Their blows melted together into one long scream of pain from my body. It was all a blur and then finally, blissfully, I was just blackness.


	48. Chapter 48

_**Song for this chapter: Heart of Stone by Iko**_

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**DAY TWO**

I woke up, and I wished that I hadn't. My face was stuck to the wall and I didn't dare try to tear it free. I mentally tried to assess the damage, but I stopped after I counted two broken bones. I knew there were more of them, and it would probably be easier to count what didn't hurt. The summer dress I had been wearing under my robes was stuck to my skin, and in the only places it wasn't stuck it was causing terrible itching. I felt as if I had been bathed in syrup, but even in the darkness I knew that it was my own blood. I could taste the iron in my mouth, and smell it in the air around me. There was nothing I could do to make it go. There was nothing I could do at all except lay on the ground wishing that the pain would stop. I couldn't even focus on distracting myself due to the terrible thirst and hunger that was plaguing me.

I drug the arm that I thought might not be broken over toward my face and I used my nose to press in the side to make it light up. It seemed overly bright in the heavy darkness, but I was able to ready that it was June twenty-fifth. Technically this was my second day as a hostage and apparently it was 12:45. Knowing the time and date didn't help me in the slightest, but it somehow made it easier to lay broken in the darkness sticky with my own blood wondering if anyone was going to bring me any water.

If my count was accurate, it had been roughly twenty-four hours since I had eaten or had anything to drink. My mouth was so dry that my tongue was sticking to the roof of my mouth, and I was wishing desperately for something to relieve me of the feeling when the heavy door was pulled slowly open. It scrapped across the floor and it sounded as if it were made of some sort of metal. A small lantern was lit near the door and I blinked owlishly against the suddenly too bright room.

I was in some sort of dingy basement, and it looked more like a cave than something that might be attached to a house. Even without moving my head I could see that I was sitting in a pool of my own blood. My dress that had once been white with flowers embroidered with different colors of thread was now stained a deep red. The shoulder strap dangled uselessly over my broken arm and shoulder and I didn't have the energy or motivation to try and pull it back to where it should be.

The man standing in the doorway moved closer, and I was surprised that he looked familiar to me. His face was no hidden by a silver mask like my attackers from last night had worn. He was wearing black robes and an expression that hovered somewhere between determination and amusement. The answer to why he was familiar fluttered up from the back of my mind and I realized that this was the man I had seen the day Buckbeak was to be executed. I felt numb at the thought that he might have been sent there to execute me. My heart did not race, I found that I didn't much care. There was a small piece of me that thought it bad for me not to care, but the rest of me welcomed my own death and the chance to be with Cedric again.

He walked over to me and he pulled his wand from within his robes with a patient look in his eyes. I held my breath, waiting for death to come for me. Instead water rushed from his wand and hit my skin with enough force to make me cry out in pain. He moved swiftly as he roughly scrubbed the blood from my skin with his bare hands, not taking any care for my injuries. I titled my head up when he let the water run over me and caught as much as I could in my mouth. It was tainted with the taste of my own blood but it soothed the terrible thirsty that scratched me throat. It helped a bit even if I was still ravenously hungry.

He tried to lift my leg to wash it and I wailed in agony from the pressure on another broken bone. He cut the stream of water from his wand and without even the slightest bit of sympathy he wrenched my leg up and tapped his wand against it. I heard the two pieces of bone snap back together and I winced yet again. He looked me over, and then in quick succession healed my broken arm and several broken ribs. He left all other injuries alone and went back t washing my body until there was no longer any trace of blood on my skin.

He cleaned the pool of my blood off of the floor beneath me, and only then did I notice all of the water was flowing toward a drain in the middle of the floor. As soon as the floor was as clear as if it was going to get he moved his wand violently over my head. I flinched expecting pain, but only felt a blast of hot air hit me. I recognized it as a spell I had seen Hermione use once. He was using a hot air charm to dry me. I would almost think he was being kind if he weren't being so rough with me.

He moved my body roughly, paying no mind to my lingering injuries, or the fact that I was still shackled to the wall. I winced each time he moved me, but it was as if he could not even hear me. I felt myself growing agitated by his treatment, but I didn't even have my wand hidden on me to try and use to defend myself in anyway. I had yet to learn any wandless magic, and with my arms and legs shackled I was truly defenseless.

"Stand," he demanded, but I could not follow his instruction, I was too injured and my body far too weak.

He kicked me in the gut and drug me mercilessly up onto my feet. My entire protested, my legs shaking horribly, but I fought to stay on my feet if only to keep myself from getting kicked again. My wobbling legs could not hold me, and I continued to fall down onto my knees only to find a boot colliding with my body again.

I lost count of how many times I had fallen and subsequently been kicked before I found the strength to grip the chains that shackled my wrists and us my arms to hold up my weight. Once I was standing and no longer slipping back down to rest on my knees he turned away from me and strode quickly out of the room. He had only uttered the single word to me, but I still knew that it had been McNair in the room with me.

There were a few beats of silence after he was gone where I considered sinking down onto my knees once more, but then the door began to swing open once more. I should have known to expect someone else as the light had been left one, but I was utterly surprised to see someone else coming for me so soon. I was even more shocked when it was none other than Severus Snape that came through the door, his full black robes billowing out behind him.

He had such a strange look on his face when his eyes alit upon me. I had never seen those features sport anything other than a mildly unhappy stone wall up to a full blown sneer. I had no way of interpreting what the twisting of his features meant now. His brows were constricted, his eyes tight, and his mouth hanging open slightly. If I didn't know better I might have thought he was about to be ill. I could not decide if he was going to yell, cry, or do something else entirely.

It made me wonder what I must look like to his eyes. I let my gaze drop down to my own body trying to see what he saw and I was somehow still surprised by what I saw. My dress was mostly brown now, stained even after the blood had been washed away. Was that what was bothering him? Or was it perhaps the cuts and bruises that still littered my skin? He crossed the room rapidly, and his robes billowed out behind him. It was so familiar I almost smiled, but then his hands closed gently on either side of my torso and I didn't know what to think.

"Let's set you back down," he whispered urgently. "Just loosen your muscles. I won't let you fall."

I supposed he must be there to help then. I did as he said, and he lowered me to the ground. He set me so my legs were shunted off to the side and my back was leaning against the wall in the most comfortable way possible considering the circumstances. It wasn't exactly pleasant, but it was much better than trying to stand.

"I am going to have to make it sound like I am torturing you for answers," he explained in the same quiet whisper. "You have to make it sound believable. Can you do that?"

I nodded dumbly.

"I'm going to find a way to get you out of here," he told me softly. "But I have to do it without blowing my cover. Do you understand?"

I nodded again, but my heart was sinking in my chest. I knew from what Albus had told me before that he had spied in the last war, and would clearly be spying in this one. Logically I knew he couldn't afford to give himself away to save one person, but still I hated it. My life was important, but the greater good was more important than just one life.

"I am going to shout things at you, just ignore them," he whispered quickly. "Always scream if I am not talking. You can scream whenever you need to, even if I am talking okay?"

I gave a soft nod and then he began to yell at me. I did not listen to anything come from his mouth. I just watched his lips move and registered that there was sound coming from them. If it ever stopped I screamed as loud as I could. I poured everything emotion within me into those screams. I channeled my grief into those screams. I dumped all of my anger into those screams. I let all of my pain run through those screams, and it was only then that he reached out and brushed his fingers over my cheek. I flinched at first, but then somewhere in the back of my mind I understood that I had begun to cry and he was wiping my tears away. He kept his head angled back at the door so his voice would echo up to whoever might be listening to him torture me, but his hands were gentle on my skin.

"I'm sorry Bianca," he whispered into the ringing silence that fell when I stopped screaming. "I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. I'm so sorry about Cedric."

"Professor Moody is a death eater," I whispered tiredly, surprised at the roughness of my voice as I leaned back against the wall and shut my eyes. "You have to tell Albus."

"He knows," Snape whispered back. "It wasn't the real Moody. There will be time to explain it later. Albus wanted me to tell you that it is okay if you tell them thing. He will love you no matter what happens."

"My wand is still in the graveyard," I said, in an effort to keep myself from crying even as my throat tightened. "Will you take it home to Albus?"

"Of course," he assured me, his face softer than I had ever seen. "Of course."

I started to cry again, I couldn't seem to help myself. He couldn't stay with me, and that hurt somewhere deep within my chest. He had to make it seem like he had given up on interrogating me, and he was just too angry to continue. He gathered himself up, and then he stormed from the room. I could hear him shouting about how uncooperative I was on his way up the stairs, but I just sat there and cried.

I checked my watch and saw that it was 3:00. I wished that someone would come and bring me something to eat.

* * *

I checked my watch again and it was 7:00. No one came.

* * *

Later when I looked at my watch I saw that it was eleven o'clock at night. Still no one else had come for me, and so I cried again. I was still terribly hungry and my thirst had returned, but no one was doing anything about it. I was so tired, but I could not lie down. I drifted to sleep with my head hanging against one of my arms that was of course still chained to the wall.

* * *

**DAY THREE**

As soon as I awoke I checked my watch, and I saw that it was six a.m. I had survived to see my third day. My heart soared in my chest when I saw a plate with a sandwich on it and a goblet of what I assumed to be water both sitting on a stool beside me. I didn't get a better look at the food because whoever had delivered the meal turned out the light and disappeared through the door before I could see who they were. I wondered for just a moment why the food was on a stool, but when I reached to grab it I almost couldn't reach it. I understood then that if they had set the food on the ground I would not have been able to reach it, and they certainly wouldn't want to have to feed me themselves. It was the best possible option.

It was a slab of cheese between two pieces of bread. It was dry and it tasted awful, but it was food. I could hardly devour it quickly enough. I chased it down quickly with the glass of water, and that was gone far too quickly. I didn't feel full when I was done, but the horrible yawning ache of hunger had at least been assuaged. I was pitifully grateful, and I tried to savor the feeling of having eaten for a moment. I laughed darkly when I realized that not long ago I would not have felt that way.

The laughter died in my throat when the door swung open once more. The lantern flared to life once more, and I saw none other than Lucius Malfoy standing in the door way. He was far more terrifying with cold anger burning in his eyes than Draco ever could be.

"Do you think something is funny child?" he said in that Novocain like voice of his.

"No," I said hoarsely, immediately sobering.

"I think it's high time you started talking girl," he sneered as he crossed toward me, moving the empty stool away from me. "We've been patient enough."

"There is nothing for me to say because I don't know anything," I said quietly.

"I will not tolerate insubordination," he railed. "You will tell me anything Albus has told you about what he has been up to these past thirteen years. You will tell me now!"

"He's been doing a lot of knitting," I provided snarkily, earning myself a vicious lap.

"Do not lie," he spat. "How did Dumbledore know that the Dark Lord was seeking out the sorcerer's stone?"

"He saw an article in the paper," I said snidely, wincing preemptively when he raised his hand. "How would I know? He doesn't tell me anything like that."

"I said, do. Not. Lie." He growled, kicking my legs and forcing me to bite my lip to keep from crying out.

"How did Dumbledore know that it was the Dark Lord who made the Weasley girl open the chamber of secrets?"

"He didn't," I answered honestly, earning a punch to the face that felt as if it had broken my nose, and once again I could feel blood running over my skin.

"What I would give to be allowed to kill you, you nasty little girl." He all but growled at me. "I don't know what my son ever saw in you."

I was tempted to say something awful about Draco but I held my tongue.

"Though from what I hear, you were really just a punching bag for him," he said with a laugh as he threw me back against the wall. "And his whore."

I said nothing, but I felt my eyes trying to cry again. Traitors.

"Is that how a person is supposed to get what they want from you?" he said with a dark laugh, grabbing my chest roughly. "Will you now tell me if Dumbledore sent Quirrell to Albania to trip the Dark Lord up?"

I felt anger flare through me, and surprisingly Lucius pulled his hand back with a gasp. The skin of his hand looked a bit red, and he was staring at me with a strange expression.

"You burned me," he spluttered. "How did you do that? Do you still have your wand?"

He began to frisk me, but he didn't seem to understand how pointless it was. My robe had been taken from me when I had been shackled to the wall, and my dress didn't have any sort of pocket for me to hide something in. IT didn't stop him from yanking me around and patting me everywhere while he searched for it. He even stuck his hand between my legs to see if I had hidden it there. He found nothing, but that didn't stop my skin from crawling.

He gave me a strange look and then he walked away from me. He swept over to the lantern, put the light out, and the disappeared. I checked my watch and saw that it was 1:00 pm. Only early afternoon, and already I was locked away in the darkness once more.

I cried for a long time after he left. I cried because of the way he had touched me. I cried over Draco again, both for what he had done to me and for what he had to deal with at home. I cried because I didn't have any way to get out of this situation. And I cried because I was crying, and there was nothing else left to do _but_ cry.

* * *

When I had cried myself out I checked my watch once more and saw that it was 8:00 p.m. I desperately needed more water, but it was unlikely anyone was going to bring me any. I slumped pitifully against the wall trying not to think about how much my eyes hurt, and wondering if maybe I should just sleep. It was so quiet and lonely down in the dungeon; until it wasn't. I heard movement on the stairs, and then I heard voices just on the other side of the door.

"My Lord, I fear that if I do not bring her back, I will not be able to keep Dumbledore convinced that I am on his side," Snape's voice said urgently.

"Severus, we both know that is not where his mind will venture,' the high-pitched voice I would recognize anywhere answered. "He will assume that you are still playing the role of double agent. He will assume that you are his, but that you could not steal her away without alerting me to your allegiance."

"Yes my Lord," Snape answered in a reverent voice, clearly not wanting to incite Voldemort's anger.

"I'm going to question Bianca now," Voldemort said firmly. "Perhaps you should go up and join the other who are working on the project."

"Yes my Lord," Snape said quietly, and then I heard his footsteps recede before the door swung open.

The room seemed to get colder. I could tell he was in the room even though he did not turn on the light. My eyes strained to see through the darkness, and I was only just able to make out a black form drifting toward me. My heart fluttered feebly once as if it was going to race, but then it stayed in a regular rhythm. He glided closer and closer without saying a word, so I tried to stay silent as well. My breathing picked up and it gave away my fear.

"What is Albus Dumbledore up to," he whispered form the darkness.

"Right now he's probably dealing with the fallout," I whispered back as if I were not terrified. "There will be a lot of trouble over the death of Ced-dric Diggory."

"You know that isn't what I am asking," he said in a smooth voice that was far scarier than Lucius Malfoy yelling. "I want to know what he had been u to these past years."

"Well, he's been busy raising a child." I said quietly. "Between that and running a school I don't think he has been up to much else."

"Tell the truth," he snapped, anger showing in his voice for the first time. "Three years ago he discovered me searching from the sorcerer's stone and snatched it from my grasp. How did he know I was after it? Is he having me followed?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "He doesn't tell me anything about stuff like that."

I felt a gentle fog roll into my mind, and then his voice whispered across the back of my mind. _Tell the truth_ it whispered. _Tell me what Albus Dumbledore is up to_ it tried to compel me. I ignored it just as easily as I had with Moody.

The fog grew stronger, and in a way I welcomed it because my body no longer hurt while it was there. The voice continued to try and convince me to do what it was asking, but I could still easily ignore it. I wondered vaguely if he knew that his most loyal servant had trained me to be able to completely buck this curse. That was a massive oversight on his part. I was tempted to tell Voldemort just to get whoever was pretending to be Moody into trouble.

"Well, well, well, Crouch wasn't kidding," he laughed darkly. "You really are impervious to the Imperius curse."

"Crouch is a death eater?" I gasped. "But he's a ministry official! He hunted down dark wizards."

"Barty Crouch Senior was a ministry official. Now he is dead," Voldemort said with a cruel laugh. "Of course Barty Crouch Junior might as well be dead."

"He's been dead for years…" I said, remembering what Harry had told me about his trip into the pensive.

"His father helped to fake his death, he laughed. "But now he's gone and gotten himself kissed by a dementor and he is no longer of any use to me. "

"Albus won't allow dementors near the school again, how did that happen?" I asked, my curiosity making me forget where I was.

"From what Snape tells me, it was the minister of magic who allowed it," he answered. "But I grow tired of this small talk. You have one last chance to tell me the truth Bianca Potter."

"I am telling the truth," I lied firmly even though I knew it was only going to lead to pain.

"Crucio," he cried and I screamed.

I screamed and I thrashed and I heard my own voice begging for death, but still he held the curse. When I was reduced to shallow breathing he let off. He kept it off long enough for me to feel relief, to remember what it was like not to be in pain, and then he would ask me the same question. I would give him the same answer and he would curse me again. He cursed me so many times I started to forget where we were. I forgot what my name was. I forgot whom we were even talking about. He would ask me about Albus Dumbledore and I would find myself wondering who that was.

"I don't know w-w-who that is," I stuttered when he asked again.

That seemed to be the answer he had been looking for because he finally stopped. He swept out of the room. I lay there slumped against my restraints waiting. Waiting for the pain to fade, for the world to right itself. Eventually the pain lowered enough for me to open my eyes. My head cleared enough for me to remember my own name.

"I am Bianca," I whispered breathily to myself, trying to reassure myself. "I'm Bianca, and I know who Albus is."

I checked my watch and saw that it was one in the morning. I closed my eyes, and it was surprisingly easy to fall asleep. I would rather be asleep than to feel everything that I felt. It was as if my body was not my body anymore. My body felt as if it was a mass of broken glass, razor blades, and fire.

* * *

**DAY FOUR**

I startled awake with a falling sensation. I pointlessly looked around trying to see something in the dark but there was nothing. My body felt considerably better, but it still hurt. I shifted around trying to get more comfortable, but it was to no avail. I checked my watch and saw that it was 10:00 a.m. o June twenty-seventh. No one came to see me.

* * *

I checked again at 1:00 p.m. but still no one came.

* * *

4:00 p.m. came and I was still alone.

* * *

By 7:00 I was alone and quite hungry, but no one came.

* * *

I gave up checking my watch after eleven. Clearly no one was going to come. I wasn't going to get any food or water, but at least no one was torturing me.

* * *

**DAY FIVE**

I woke up and my body felt slight less painful but far weaker. I was so terribly hungry, but there was no food sitting on a stool. There wasn't even a stool today. I checked my watch, realizing that this was rapidly becoming a compulsion. It was the 28th, and I was still here. School would have let out by now. Was Albus at our house outside of London?

It was eight in the morning and all I could think about was how I missed him. I was so hungry, and if he were here he would make me something to eat. He would care for me. He would tend my injuries. I missed him.

* * *

At twelve all I thought about was how I hoped Snape would come. Maybe he would bring me food, or water, or anything that could make me feel better. But he did not come either. No one came.

* * *

I couldn't focus. My thoughts were as flighty as the erratic beating of my heart. I couldn't help myself when my mind finally wandered to Cedric. The hurt went so much deeper than any of my injuries and I wished the world would just stop. It didn't though, time kept moving forward. It was five in the evening and I was more alone that I ever thought it possible to be.

I checked my watch at 8:00 p.m. and it was my breaking point. I cried great heaving sobs, and surprisingly they had nothing to do with Cedric. I sobbed, and I begged for food, not that anyone seemed to be able to hear me. At least I assumed that was why no one came.

* * *

I checked my watch one last time and saw that it was eleven. It was late, and I was tired. No one was going to come so I gave in to the impulse to sleep. I leaned my head into the crook of my elbow and I let my body hang limp. My wrists were being rubbed raw by the shackles, but I hardly cared anymore. I could hardly even feel my arms anymore. I wondered vaguely if my arms would be permanently damaged from the loss of blood flow, but then I realized I was probably never going to leave this dungeon so it didn't really matter. I let myself drift until sleep finally took me.


	49. Chapter 49

_**Song for this chapter: Fully Alive by Flyleaf**_

* * *

**DAY SIX**

Just like every day before I woke up in the dark. I felt around me, hoping to find a stool with food on it, but all I found was empty air. Again. Were they just going to leave me down here to die? That didn't exactly seem productive in the grand scheme of getting information out of me. Shouldn't they be pressing me, trying to break me? Or perhaps they had finally accepted that I wasn't going to give anything up. Or perhaps the plan was to break me with food. What would I give for even a brussels sprout? I would eat lard, I didn't care. I'd eat dirt if they gave it to me. But would I talk to get it? I wasn't sure.

I sat in the dark, just listening. I was hoping I would hear something, anything. There were occasional creaks and murmurs, and I thought I might hear people moving or talking upstairs, but it was so quiet that I thought I might be imagining sounds to comfort myself. I seemed to be imagining a lot of things. Either that, or there really were spiders crawling all over me, biting me occasionally and making my whole body hurt. I checked my watch, hoping it would distract me, but knowing that it was 10:00 a.m. on June twenty-ninth didn't make the feeling of spider legs slip out of my mind.

I sat there, just thinking. Everything that had happened played on repeat in my mind, tearing at what was left of my heart. My mind seemed to freeze on the last few seconds of his life, the end of my life really. It had been so dismissive, so irrationally hateful. He had been nothing more than an inconvenience to them. His name didn't matter, the fact that he had always wanted a little brother didn't matter, all the people that loved him didn't matter. None of it mattered. I doubt either of them even knew his name. He was just someone who had shown up somewhere that he wasn't supposed to be and he was killed for it.

My head started to hurt more and more as I thought of it. In a way it made sense for my head to hurt because of how badly my heart hurt, but then I began to wonder how the two things could be connected. When I tried to intellectualize why my head hurt it pulled me back to the present, and I realized that I was repetitively bashing my head into the wall behind me. I stopped, but the pain didn't. I tried desperately to fall asleep to escape it, but sleep would not come.

* * *

The door creaked open and the lantern flickered to life. I turned my face away from the brightness, cringing after so many days in the dark. My eyes watered and stung, but eventually they adjusted to the light. I looked back to the door and the blurry shape began to take on a real form. My blood boiled when I saw that it was Wormtail standing there. I would have screamed obscenities at the man, who was slowly taking away every person I had ever loved, but he had a plate of food and a flask of something to drink and I was desperate to have it. I sat very still, waiting for him to make the first move.

"If I let you out of the shackles to eat you have to promise to stay put," he said in that sniveling voice that grated on my every last nerve.

I nodded. I was will to do just about anything to get that food.

He walked slowly over. It seemed as if he was afraid to get too close to me. I watched him carefully as he sat the food down on the ground beside me. He reached up to unlock my first hand, and it fell limply to the floor beside me. My entire arm burned with pain as the blood began to flow into it, throbbing at the welts around my wrist. He released the second one, and it did the same thing but I fought not to cry. I just sat there, with my eyes closed, waiting for the pain to subside enough for me to move my arms. I had to wait a very long time.

When I could finally move my arms, they were sluggish, but I was determined. I grabbed the water and chugged it down as quickly as I could. I tossed the cup at Wormtail with a grunt before moving onto the food. It was a sad excuse for a meal; an uncooked potato and a piece of bread. It was disgusting but I devoured it. I tried to pretend it was an apple and that it tasted amazing but my imagination wasn't really up to the task.

"I want more water," I attempted to yell, but it came out as a whisper.

He just stared at me, unmoving.

"More, water," I said again, a little more force behind my words this time.

He obliged, though his hand shook as he gave it to me. I wondered if he would be punished for this. I hoped he would be. He allowed me to have two more cups of water before he refused to give me any more.

"I need clean clothes," I said dully when I threw the cup back at him. "I haven't been allowed the bathroom, and I had an accident."

"I cannot take you out of the cellar," he said, shrinking back from me a bit.

"Then create something here," I scathed. "You have a wand don't you? You sad excuse for a man!"

He did it. I don't know why he listened to me when he was the one with the power, but he still seemed to be afraid of me. He first cast a series of scorgifying charms on me and the area around me, and finally the smell of my own bodily fluids went away. My clothes no longer felt disgusting and as much as I hated him I was grateful.

I found myself even more grateful when he conjured the equivalent of an outhouse john for me. I tried to climb onto it to use it but I fumbled. My legs shook and I could barely stand long enough to get seated, but I clenched my jaw and fought my way through it. There was no way I was going to allow him to touch me if I could avoid it. I took care of my needs and then I returned to my place on the floor.

"Get rid of it," I rasped at him as he stood there staring at me and looking terribly embarrassed.

He waved his wand again and it was all gone. He stood there, still watching me. I knew he would speak eventually, but that didn't mean I had to stay in the moment with him. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see him, but then images of Cedric danced through my mind. I felt tears start to prick my eyes, so I tried not to think of him. Instead thoughts of Sirius flitted into my mind and I felt my anger flare. That was fine. I could handle anger. Anger kept me at a distance.

"Bianca, you can talk to me," he said after a long time in a very quiet voice. "I don't want him to hurt you."

"Don't tell lies!" I snapped, not even caring who I sounded like. "And don't say my name. I don't want to hear it fall from your lips. You are filth!"

"If you tell me anything, I will get him to let you go," he promised.

"No," I said plainly. "That isn't what will happen."

"I can help you here, if you let me," he whispered.

"I get it," I sighed, lying down against the ground while I had the chance. "You come down here, and act like the good guy. Then I'm supposed to become attached to you, so I will tell you things because you don't hurt me like the others."

"No," he stuttered and I knew I was right.

"But your plans won't work," I said in a tired voice, letting my eyes drift closed as I enjoyed the coldness of the stone floor beneath my face. "Because no matter what you do or say you will always be the man who got my parents killed. You will always be the man who murdered the love of my life right in front of me."

"What?" I stammered.

"That spare!" I shouted. "The SPARE. He had a name you know? His name was Cedric. He was seventeen years old. He was going to work for the ministry when he finished school. He had parents. He had friends."

"I'm sor—"

"Shut up!" I screamed. "You don't get to talk about him! You don't get to say anything!"

"You aren't in charge here," he said in a voice that was probably supposed to be powerful.

"Oh just stop talking," I sighed, letting my eyes drift closed once more as I sunk further into the floor. "Just do whatever it is you were supposed to do down here. You will get nothing from me, so there is no point in talking to me."

I lay there for a long time after that. He didn't say anything, and I could feel him staring at me, but I didn't open my eyes. I tried to find some semblance of comfort, but there was none to be had. Nothing was getting better.

After a long time he pulled me up from the floor. I screamed in his face for touching me, but he did not let me go. He pulled me back and forced my arms back into the shackles and I screamed all the while. I screamed and screamed at him, now words coming through, just madness. It felt like my throat was tearing open, but it was worth it to see the fear flicker to life in his eyes. I screamed louder and louder, rattling the chained that held me as I thrashed about. The fear in his eyes grew until he was actually shaking and he fled from the room. It gave me a deep satisfaction to watch him run from me.

He turned out the light before he shut the door but I didn't care. I fell silent, panting from the exertion. I sat in the dark just breathing and listening to the otherwise silent room. I heard yelling upstairs. I heard a high-pitched voice yelling with a few feeble responses from Wormtail's shaky one. Then I heard screams, and I smiled at the fact that he was being tortured. Then I began to worry about my mental stability. I drifted off to sleep to the sound of Pettigrew's screams.

* * *

**DAY SEVEN**

When I woke up I saw that it was the 30th but I didn't care. I felt around me, but there wasn't any food so I went back to sleep. I don't know how long a slept, but after a while I was being shaken awake. I was shocked, but it was surprisingly gentle. I gasped, my eyes flying open, and I found Snape staring down at me, his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

"Shhh, remember to whisper," he instructed with his fingers to his lips. "I managed to smuggle water down, but I nearly got caught trying to get food so I had to leave without it."

I didn't respond to his words because he had given me the water. I drank it greedily.

"Your silence is admirable, many a wizard has crumbled under less." He whispered quietly. "But it's time Bianca. Just give me something simple to tell him."

"I can't," I whispered. "I don't know anything important, and I can't remember half of the stuff I know anyway."

"What do you mean?" he whispered urgently.

"I mean that things are fuzzy," I groaned letting the empty bottle slip out of my hand. "I can't think… about stuff. I just want to sleep. Please just let me go back to sleep."

"I can't," he said softly. "The Dark Lord wants answers, and it will be bad for both of us if we don't give him something."

"Tell him whatever you want," I sighed, my eyes drifting closed of their own accord. "You probably knew more than me anyway. Just tell him whatever Albus is telling you. He won't be upset with you for it."

"There is nothing that I can tell him without people dying." Snape said quietly. "You however can tell me any trivial little thing you wish. You can tell me anything Albus ever said about Voldemort and it will be enough."

I stayed quiet. It wasn't that I didn't trust Snape, it was that I didn't trust myself not to be hallucinating. It might not actually be Snape talking to me.

"If I go back to him with results he will send me again," he whispered urgently. "Then you won't have to see the others again."

"Tell him that Albus knew he opened the chamber of secrets," I whispered tiredly, telling him something that the probably already knew. "The first time as well as the second."

"Thank you," he said in a stiff voice. "Now we have to pretend again. Are you ready?"

Instead of answering him I just screamed. It hurt my throat more than I expected, but I did it anyway. He shouted things at me and I screamed. I screamed and I cried. It was strange how everything hurt when he was doing nothing to me. He touched my shoulder gently to let me know I didn't have to scream anymore. He apologized for not being able to do more, and then he swept from the room leaving me in the darkness once more.

* * *

**DAY NINE**

It was the second of July. I was alone again, and I was desperate for the sight of Severus Snape. I was so hungry, and yet I couldn't even think about that. My thoughts were scared little birds, and anytime I tried to catch them they flew away from me. I wished that I could fly away too.


	50. Chapter 50

_**Song for this chapter: Skyfall by Adele**_

* * *

**DAY TEN**

I was hovering somewhere between sleep and some fort of awareness. It wasn't really awake-ness… but something close and yet so far from it. It didn't feel like I was in the present, I didn't feel like I was anywhere really. The only thing that kept me tethered to the real world was the twinges of pain in my wrists and ankles. They reminded me that I hadn't faded away into some other place… yet. I didn't even bother to check my watch. I knew instinctually that it was a new day, but I couldn't actually remember what yesterday had been. I didn't much care either.

I was still hanging there limply, dancing in and out of awareness when the door opened. The light flickered on, and it seemed to just keep flickering. In the back of my mind I knew that couldn't be right, but I could not make the picture right itself. It flashed in and out, making everything seemed jerky and robotic. Lucius was standing in the doorway and then suddenly he was standing just a few feet away from me. Then he somehow jumped forward again and he was standing beside me. That didn't make any sense. His mouth looked like it was flapping like a fish. I was so confused.

SMACK!

His hand collided with my face. The lights stopped flickering. I focused on his face and I realized that his mouth wasn't moving like a fish at all. He was talking to me. I tried to listen.

"You should know better than to try and undermine the Dark Lord," he snapped. "Pretending to give him information that he already knew was insolent."

He slapped me again and I had no idea why he had done it.

"Now, tell me how Dumbledore knew that the Dark Lord was the one to open the chamber of secrets," he demanded.

"I… um… he…" I stuttered, trying to get my mind to think clearly. "He, uh… he knew because… of you. I think."

"You will not place the blame on me," he yelled, and he pummeled his fists into my stomach. "I will not be punished for your lies."

"But you… had the b-book," I cried, unable to stop the tears when it felt as if I were breaking into pieces.

"The diary?" he asked. "Dumbledore knew that the Dark Lord could control the diary?"

"Yes," I sighed, relieved that he had at least stopped hitting me for the moment.

"Did he know how he could control it?" he asked, swopping in so his face was only inches away from mine. I was surprised to discover that he smelled good, cologne maybe.

"No," I whispered. I was pretty sure that was a lie, but I didn't want him to know that.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his hands gripping each side of my face tightly, making it impossible for me to look away from him.

"I'm sure," I lied. "He just knew it was his diary, and that Ginny would never do something like that."

He smiled, as if he were pleased with my answer, but then he thrust my head back painfully into the wall and I didn't know what to think.

"Now, tell me how he discovered that the Dark Lord was searching for the sorcerer's stone." He demanded.

"I don't know," I shuddered, knowing he would lose his temper with me for refusing to give an answer. "He found that out before he even knew me. Why would he tell me something like that?"

"I know that he told you," he shouted before smashing my head back into the wall again.

"I don't know anything," I cried, and it unleashed a furry in him.

He began to kick and hit me and I found I would rather he just use the cruciatus curse. It would hurt just as much, but I wouldn't be left to line in a pool of my own blood again. It would feel as if every bone in my body were breaking, but I wouldn't be forced to suffer through it actually happening and the lingering horrible pain of it through the night. He pummeled some of his anger into me, but then he stopped and my foggy mental inventory of my body told me that nothing was broken yet.

"Tell the truth!" he screeched at me.

I didn't answer, and he draw his wand. He cast the curse, and I was grateful. It was as if he had read my mind. The pain still burned through me, and he was still shouting at me, but I tuned it out. I let my mind wander as the fire burned through me. My mind began to unravel and I slowly stopped hearing him talking to me. I knew he must still be there because the pain had not stopped, but it felt as if he had already gone.

* * *

I got lost in the fire. Things started to slip away as it became the only thing I could focus on. I forgot why I was in pain. I forgot a time when I had ever not been in pain. I forgot what I had done to cause the person to cause me pain. I forgot who I was. I forgot how I had gotten here. I forgot where here was. I stopped trying to remember things, and eventually I realized that the pain had subsided.

As I lay there I realized I wasn't feeling the same type of pain at all. I felt aches, but not the bright vibrant pain that could only be described as fire. I opened my eyes to look around and it was dark. I must have been alone. The monster didn't seem to be here. I couldn't remember where the monster came from, or where it might have gone, but it was somewhere that was elsewhere and that was good enough.

I sat there, slumped against the wall, wondering about the monster when I heard something bumping around somewhere near me. I think there were banging sounds. It sounded rhythmic to me. I could imagine dancing to it; though at the same time I was not sure I had ever danced in my life. As I slumped further against the wall I started to imitate the sounds that I was hearing.

"Bam shika bam shika boom boom bom

sha wang sha wang boom

sha wang sha wang boom

Bam shika bam shika boom boom boom-

(Grrrrrr!

Aaaahhhh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!)

sha wang sha wang boom" I sang

The door opened, and the light came on again. I wasn't alone. I responded to my visitor in the only way that made sense to me.

"Monster Hospital, can you please release me?

You hold my hands down, I've been bad.

You hold my arms down, I've been bad.

I've been bad, I've been bad.

I fought the war

I fought the war

I fought the war

but the war won

I fought the war

I fought the war

I fought the war

But the war won."

"What are you talking about?" the man asked as he set food and towels on the ground next to me.

"Monster Movie, Daddy Warbucks up against Bobby Fuller

And he beat him hands down

lead in his head

they put a little lead in, in his head

I fought the war

I fought the war

I fought the war

but the war won

I fought the war

I fought the war

I fought the war

but the war won't stop for the love of God."

"You aren't making sense," the voice said shakily as he washed me off. Using the towels and water to scrub all of the blood off of me as well as the floor.

"I fought the war

I fought the war but the war won

I fought the war

I fought the war

I fought the war

But the war won't stop for the love of God

I fought the war

I fought the war

But the war won't stop for the love of God

I fought the war

I fought the war

But the war won't stop for the love of God"

"Please stop that," the man asked in a weak voice as he finished cleaning everything up and set the dirty towel aside. "It's not… you aren't right in the head are you?"

"I fought the war

I fought the war

But the war won

I fought the war

I fought the war

I fought the war

But the war won't stop for the love of God

I fought the war

I fought the war

But the war won't stop for the love of God

I fought the war

I fought the war

But the war won't stop for the love of God

I fought the war

I fought the war

But the war won!"

"Stop!" he shouted at me, sliding the food onto a stool and hurrying out of the room. Scurrying really. Like a rat. A rat!

"You're a rat," I called after him. "A RAT!"

I screamed about rats for a long time, struggling to remember what exactly was so upsetting about the. They had fur and tails and little beady eyes, but were they so repulsive. It seemed they should be. I was sure that a rat had stolen something from me, but that didn't seem to make much sense. Why did I hate rats? I nibbled on the food that the rat had left behind while I tried to puzzle it out. It was okay. I forgot what it was as soon as I had eaten it. I drifted off to sleep still thinking about damnable rats.

* * *

**DAY ELEVEN**

This time when I woke up I noticed instantly that I was on the ground. That was different wasn't it? My arms were not chained up. The room wasn't dark, so I could see that the stone beneath me had been stained. The rat hadn't done a very good job of cleaning it up I suppose. I rolled onto my back so I wouldn't have to see it. That was when I saw that I was not alone. There was a man in black robes kneeling beside me. His face was drawn tight, and the black curtain of his hair swung forward as he leaned over me. I felt like I knew him, but I couldn't recall a name or any other time that I had actually seen him.

"Can you hear me?" he asked softly.

"Are you lucid? Wormtail suggested otherwise," he said quietly.

"Lucid?" I asked, confused as to what he even meant. "Wormtail… he's the rat?"

"Yes, he's the rat." He said with a sad smile that did not reach his deep black eyes. "Do you know who I am?"

"Are you a rat?" I asked him softly.

"No, I am not a rat," he said with a gentle shake of his head. "I think I am much more like a snake."

"A snake…" I pondered. "Are you poisonous?"

"No. I'm not. I am not actually a snake." He pushed on. "Can you think of a reason that I might say I am like a snake?"

"Because snakes like to eat rats," I guessed. "You want to eat Wormtail?"

"No," he said, and his eyes crinkled just slightly as if he might start laughing. "I wouldn't mind giving him a good thrashing, but I do not want to eat him. I said a snake, because I wanted to jog your memory of Slytherin. Do you remember what Slytherin is?"

My mind raced at that word. It sounded familiar. It was a house wasn't it? My mind slowly pieced things together, like the cogs within a clock beginning to slowly grind once more. I remember what kind of house it was as well as who the man before me was.

"Professor Snape," I whispered my eyes locking on his once more. "Will I ever get out of here?"

"I am trying to find a way to extract you, but thus far I have been unsuccessful," he said sadly.

"I'm so hungry," I whimpered, reaching out for his hand, and even though he never would have held my hand at school he did so now. "I don't want to do this anymore."

"I know you don't," he sighed, using his free hand to pull a bottle of water and an apple from inside his robes. "Take these."

I released his hand to do as he said. I took the food and water and it felt like I had taken something much more into my hands. I quickly devours it and he just watched me with his brow furrowed in concern. When I finished the water he took the bottle back and conjured more water inside of it while I finished the apple.

"I think we should stand you up for a bit," he said as he handed the water back to me. "We should get some of the blood flowing back through your legs."

I hurriedly downed the contents of the water bottle again, and it helped a bit with the tight dryness in my throat, but somehow it still wasn't enough. I set the bottle down, and then he took my arms gently and supported me as I tried to stand. It took us a couple of tries, but eventually I made it upright. I immediately wished that I hadn't. My legs burned but in a different way than my arms had. It felt as if I would not survive the stinging pain of it.

He helped me to shuffle from side to side and it was a new form of torture. Eventually my legs did start to feel a bit better, but I grew tired very quickly. They wobbled beneath me and I found myself begging to be lowered to the ground once more. I was thankful that he complied.

"When I go back up, I need to tell them something," he said with a sense of urgency in his voice. "If I am the one to give them information, then they will keep sending me down."

"I don't know what to tell you," I sighed. "I can barely remember why I am not telling you things, I just know that I am not supposed to. Not to mention that I can't always remember the answers to the questions everyone seems to be asking."

"I know things are getting pretty confused in there," he said patiently, and he brushed his fingers along my temple in such a gentle way that it shocked me. "But I fear that things are going to get very bad very quickly if we don't give them something to stave it off."

"They have already taken everything," I sighed, closing my eyes when I felt the tears come once more. Again I was surprised when he brushed them away. "I have nothing left to give."

"We can give them a lie if we need to, just something," he pressed. "Something that gets him to send me back instead of someone else."

"I… don't," I sighed, opening my eyes so I could look up at him once more. "Tell him that Albus knows he was the one to kill Bertha Jorkins. I think Barty Crouch must have given it away somehow, I don't know anyone else that could have tipped him off. But he knows."

"That might do it," he said softly. "I will go tell them that. I have to chain you back up now."

"Can I have more water first?" I begged.

He complied easily. He refilled the bottle, and he held it to my lips for me as I drank greedily. When it was gone I nodded, and I took a second to check my watch. It was the fourth of July. It seemed I had lost a few days. I sighed, and I let him put my arms back into the shackles. I tried not to look at my bruised arms, but it was impossible not to notice how swollen and torn up my wrists had become. I focused on Snape and his pained eyes so that I would not have to look at myself.

"Stay strong," he whispered quietly as he backed away from me.

"For the love of Merlin let me be the one they send tomorrow," he breathed quietly as he slipped out of the room, and I wondered if I was even supposed to have heard it.

The door had hardly closed and I fell to sleep. It took far too much energy to stay awake.

* * *

**DAY TWELVE**

Awareness sprung upon me quickly, and I thought there must be someone in the room with me to have caused it. It did not take long to realize that I was alone so I began trying to decipher what had awoken me. I felt around me, and I realized that there was a stool beside me. I quickly snatched up the sandwich off of it and began to devour it with a ferociousness I had never felt before.

When I had finished, I checked my watch and saw that it was two in the afternoon on the fifth. I had been asleep for a very long time. I wished there had been water on the on the stool. I was terribly thirsty, but there was nothing to relieve it. I hummed to myself, trying to distract myself from how lonely it was down here in the darkness.

I didn't bother to keep checking my watch after the first hour, because it only seemed to make the time move slower. As the day went on I wondered if I would be left alone again. I was sitting in the dark, just wondering, when I heard the door creak open. It was deafening in the silence I had grown so used to. I waited to hear the quick sizzle as the light turned on, but it did not come. The air was heavy with the quiet. The door creaked as it swung closed, and there was a clang of metal as it slid back into place. Then it was quiet once more.

I felt someone in the room, and it felt as if they were moving closer, but I couldn't hear anything. I knew he must be close to me, because suddenly I could hear breathing. It was quiet and steady, but I could hear it as if this person who I assumed was male were panicked. I tried to keep my own breathing quiet as I listened.

I thought I was fairly sure who was standing in front of me, but even with my eyes entirely adjusted to the darkness I could not see him. I considered lighting the face of my watch so it would illuminate him, but I wasn't sure I wanted to confirm who it was. And I certainly didn't want him to take my watch away. It was the only thing that kept me attached to the idea of a world beyond this dark room.

"Have you grown tired of your lies yet little girl," his high voice pierced the silence.

My breathing increased rapidly, but I stayed silent.

"I have sent some of my best men down here to try and get the truth from you," he said. "And yet you still keep them at bay. Surely my men are not defective. There must be something wrong with you instead."

Still I did not speak. Nothing I said now was going to help me. I understood that well enough not to bother.

"I have been speaking with an old friend of yours today," he continued in an almost singsong voice. "And I think I may have discovered the way to break you. Cleary breaking your body will not do the trick. All of the physical attempts have failed on you. Even our attempts to break your mind have failed. You always find your way back from the brink, but I think I get it now. It is your spirit I must break."

I held my breath. I didn't think I wanted to know what his next move would be. I didn't know whom he had spoken to about me. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know that either.

"You see, Draco is far more willing to talk than you are," he explained as if he had read my mind. "He told me about how the two of you used to be an item. He told me about how he finally broke you, like a wild horse made to obey its master."

My breathing hitched. I could not speak now even if I had wanted to.

"I will give you one last chance to tell me everything you know about Albus Dumbledore," he breathed, leaning in to bring his face so close to mine that I could feel his breath on my cheek. Could he see me? I still couldn't see him. "Tell me everything."

"I can't," I choked, my muscles locking down in preparation for impact.

"Right, because you _love_ him," he sneered. "But he doesn't love you does he?"

"He does," I whispered.

"If he loved you, if anyone loved you, you would not still be in my dungeon." He whispered, and I felt his lips brush against the shell of my ear, making me shudder. "No one is coming to save you because no one loves you. No one wants you back."

"That isn't true," I stammered, trying not to let his words sink in.

"Isn't it?" he asked, grabbing the straps of my summer dress and tearing them free of the bodice. "Do you think someone is coming to save you now?"

"Y-yes," I stuttered, wishing that I could get away from him, but knowing that the shackles would hold me in place exactly where I didn't want to be.

"And who might that be?" he asked me silkily as he trailed his wand down the front of my dress.

I didn't understand what he was doing until I felt cold air. I realized belatedly that he had used a severing charm, and now my dress and undergarments had been torn open. I wanted to cover myself but my arms would not reach. I had no modesty left.

"Don't," I whispered

"tell me what I want to know and we can stop right now," he said in a hypnotic voice. "I don't want to hurt you. I just want you to tell me the truth. I care about you."

"You don't care about me," I shouted, and I regretted it as he tore my clothes off me entirely with a shriek of rage. "Albus, he cares about me."

"He doesn't even care enough to send his spy to set you free," he sneered, tossing my clothes on the ground leaving me terribly exposed before him. "Even if Severus weren't on my side, if he really were working for the Order, Albus would have sent him to save you if he cared about getting you back. You mean nothing to him."

"That isn't true," I said, finding strength in my voice again even though I felt none in my body.

"Enough," he cried, his hand closing on my collar bone as he pressed closer to me, leaving me with no escape.

I felt his robes brushing my legs, his breath on my neck, his chest brushing against mine. It terrified me. Beneath that there was something else though. I felt my skin growing hot as I began to panic.

"Don't, don't!" I screamed, feeling like I was burning up from the inside out as my heart raced. "My— Albus wouldn't just leave me here. He would be finding a way to get me out without someone else getting hurt. He loves me!"

"No one loves you," he yelled, his hands dropping lower, making my blood boil with panic and something I couldn't describe. I didn't want his hands on me. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else. I wanted Albus.

"My father loves me," I yelled and the heat I felt pulsed to a fever pitch.

Suddenly the room was bright again. My skin was alight because I was catching fire. I saw Voldemort's shocked face pulling away from me one second, and in the next the was an explosion of brilliant light. I was surrounded by heat and light, and I heard what sounded like the rustling of wings. Perhaps I should have been afraid but I had never felt safer than when I was enveloped in that light hearing that sound. Suddenly the burning stopped and it seemed like I was back in the darkness after such bright light. It was completely silent for a moment and I thought that meant I was still in the dungeon, but then there was an explosion of sound around me.

I heard male and female voices in a panic around me. They were saying many things that I couldn't make out, but I heard my name several times. I opened my eyes to try and taking in my surroundings and I realized it was not so dark after all. This room was well lit. It looked like IW as in a kitchen, but it was not a room I had ever seen before. I moved to try and get up, but then I remembered that I was not wearing any clothes. I reached a shaking arm out and pulled the tablecloth off of the table. Silverware and cups came off the table with it, but I ignored them in favor of wrapping the cloth over my exposed body.

I drug myself up to my feet, and though my whole body seemed to be convulsing with how badly it was shaking I managed to stay upright. I was able to see the room more clearly now, though it was through blurry eyes. It was a kitchen, a kitchen that was crowded with a fair amount of people, all of them staring at me in shock.

I seemed to have crashed some sort of meeting. I saw Molly and Arthur Weasley, Severus Snape, McGonagall, Sirius, Remus, and Albus. They made a strange circle. Molly stood hunched over the table toward me, with Arthur just behind her. Sirius was standing just a few feet from me with Remus opposite him on the other side of the table. Snape and McGonagall were the furthest from me, standing at the corner of the table watching me with shocked faces. Snape's was the most shocked of all. And Albus was the only one moving. He was walking toward me but it seemed to be in slow motion.

"Daddy," I sobbed, and I started to shake even harder.

I was shaking so badly that I started to collapse, but he caught me before I could crash into the floor once more. He pulled me close, and I lost what little control I had of my tears. He held me tightly to his chest, and I could feel that it was hurting me, but I needed him to hold me so I ignored the paint. I clutched him as tightly as I could, and I sobbed great wracking tears into his robes.

I felt him pick me up and start to move me, but I didn't care where we were going. As long as he was going with me it would be okay. He moved quickly, and soon he was trying to set me down on something soft. I just held him closer and tried he tried to pull me free.

"No," I sobbed at him. "Please don't leave me alone."

"Okay, okay," he whispered, lowering himself slowly so he could lay beside me on whatever he was trying to lay me on. "I will stay."

"Promise," I demanded, pulling him impossibly closer, my hand locking around a fistful of his robes.

"I promise," he said quietly. "I won't go anywhere."

He held me and I cried. I don't know how I could even produce tears when I was so dehydrated but they never seemed to end. I cried until my throat was raw and my eyes ached. I cried until I fell asleep.


	51. Chapter 51

_**Song for this chapter: Darkside by Kelly Clarkson**_

* * *

I woke up and I was alone. The light was off, and I was alone. The fiery escape from imprisonment must have been a dream. I could not stop myself I began to scream until my throat was raw. I screamed and I thrashed, until suddenly I realized that I was lying on something soft. I was not on a stone floor, and my arms were moving freely to wrap around my body. I was not restrained anymore. I nervously patted myself down, panting in the wake of my screams as I tried to assess the situation.

I was still alone, and I must be relatively safe, as no one had burst into the room to silence my screams. I pulled my stiff aching body up and out of the bed, pulling the table cloth tightly around my body once more and I stood on shaky legs. It felt like the floor beneath my feet was made of wood, and that was different. Different was good right? I shuffled awkwardly across the floor when my body didn't want to move. I kept my hands out and ran them along the wall until I felt a door. I pulled it open quickly, and let in the light that was filtering through the hallway.

A slice of it lit up my face and reached behind me into the room behind me. Looking into the room now, I could see that the flickering light of what must be a candle somewhere lit up the curved edges of a lamp on the bedside table. I shuffled quickly over to the table and I lit the lamp. I let out a shaky breath of air when I was no longer in the dark, but I did not calm down and until I had snapped the door shut once more. It didn't feel safe with the door open and exposing me, but once it was closed I finally drew a deep cleansing breath.

I looked around the room now that I could see my surroundings, and I realized that I was on someone's bedroom. It had a certain feminine air about it. There was floral wallpaper, though it was in dingy pale colors, and a few pictures adorned the wall. It looked like this room hadn't been used in years. There was a layer of dust on every surface. I ignored all of the things in the room in favor of focusing on the wardrobe sitting beside the window. I threw it open and rummaged around inside. All of the clothes smelled of mothballs and dust, but I found an old pair of basic black robes and I pulled them out. I let the table cloth fall onto the floor as I pulled them on, staunchly refusing to look at my broken body while I did it. It made me feel a little better to be covered once more.

I shuffled back to the bed and lowered myself gently back onto it when my body protested the new pressure against my injuries. I ignored the somewhat distant sensations of pain and wrapped myself tightly within the sheets and blankets. I was so tired, but I didn't want to sleep anymore. It seemed that all I had done lately was sleep… when I wasn't being tortured. I was lying there in the cocoon I had made, staring at the faded flowers on the wall when the door creaked open. My head snapped to the side and I saw Molly Weasley sticking her head into the room.

I screamed at her. I didn't know why I did it. I couldn't say why I continued to do it even when my eyes watered and my throat protested, but I continued to scream. I wanted her to get away from me. I wanted everyone to stay away from me.

She flinched, but she didn't immediately disappear. She pushed the door open further and brought in a tray that was laden with food and juice. He face looked pained as she hurried into the room, trying to ignore the sound of my screaming as she put the tray down on the bedside table. My screams only grew louder with her so close to me, and she flinched every time, but she did not stop. I thought I might there someone else screaming somewhere off in the distance, but that hardly made any sense to me.

"Get out!" I screeched, growing more afraid when she still hadn't left the room. "Get away from me!"

"I'm sorry, so sorry," she said, her lips trembling as turned and fled the room.

The door clicked shut and I stopped screaming. I massaged my aching throat while I listed to the screaming out in the hall continue. I still heard muffled screaming coming from somewhere and I started to wonder if maybe I really was losing my mind once and for all. Eventually it stopped, and I could at least pretend that I was normal. When it was quiet and calm once more I turned my attention to the food beside me. It was the most glorious plate of food I had ever seen. There was soup, and a leg of chicken, and bread, and fruit, even a couple lemon drops. I knew those must be from Albus. It made me smile, however feebly.

I had no manners as I tore into the food. I ate it as quickly as I could, afraid that someone would take it away. I drained every bit of pumpkin juice that had been provided just as quickly. All of it disappeared so quickly that I wondered if I had lost track of time again. I checked my watch, and it was 1:00 a.m. on July sixth. Twelve days I had been in the darkness, but now that was over. I promised myself that I would never turn off the light again.

I stared at the tray, wishing that more food would appear on it. When the tray remained empty it made me indescribably angry. I actually saw red as the anger coursed through me. I shoved the empty tray off of the bedside table onto the floor, and a strangled scream wrenched itself out of my throat as I watched the glasses the juice had been in shatter on the ground. I sunk further into the bed panting like some sort of animal as the anger slowly drifted out of me.

When I stopped being angry I realized just how much pain there was radiating throughout my body. My eyes began to prick with tears once more, but I refused to cry. I didn't ever want to cry again. So I lay very still, willing the tears away, and waiting for the pain to recede. It took a while for me to be able to relax my muscles and breathe normally again. I had just let my body slump into the mattress and pillows when I saw the door handle turning again and all of my muscles locked down again.

"Go away," I yelled toward the door.

"It's me Bianca," Albus said as he poked his head inside the doorway.

"You promised," I screamed, throwing everything within my reach at him, though the pillows hardly did much damage. "You promise me, but then you left me alone anyway. You left me alone in the dark!"

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I went to retrieve Madam Pomfrey."

"I don't care!" I screeched at him. "After everything, you couldn't keep one simple promise. Get away from me."

He pulled his head out of the doorway, and I almost breathed a sigh of relief, but then Madam Pomfrey took his place. I didn't even look at her, I rolled away so I wasn't facing the door anymore. I demanded that she go away as well, and I pulled the blankets up and over my head. I heard the muffled sound of the door clicking shut, and I was left to myself once more. I eventually drifted back to sleep.

* * *

When I woke again the light was still on, and that kept me from slipping into an all-out panic again. The sun was up outside and it was trying to stream in underneath the heavy curtains. I considered opening it, but it felt as if I would be opening myself up for someone to be able to see me. They might be able to get to me. That made me anxious.

I slid out of the bed again and returned to the wardrobe. I looked through the clothes again without any thought of actually changing. I wanted to know more about this room. Whose had it been? Where had they gone? The clothes all seemed to be different types of robes, so it had clearly been the room of a witch. I pulled open all of the drawers in the armoire, and I did find a few pairs of trousers and t-shirts, but they were not in a style I would imagine a muggle wearing. They had distinctly magical feel to them. There were undergarments in some of the drawer. That reminded me that I did need some, but I would not bring myself to wear something so intimate that had been worn by someone else.

I moved on to the vanity on the other side of the bed. There were a couple of pictures stuck into the edge of the mirror, but I did not recognize any of the people moving about in them. There were several perfumes sitting on the vanity, and I sprayed each of them so that I could smell. They were all pretty awful. They smelled of an old woman. But as awful as they smelled it was comforting to think of the smell of a perfume, and not who might be coming to question me or something much worse.

I pulled open one of the drawers and it had a large supply of makeup in it. All of it was of a magical variety, and none of it looked like anything I had ever seen. I tried to open the drawer on the other side of the vanity, but it would not budge. I took one of the bobby pins from the makeup drawer and I tried to pick the lock. It had no effect, and the bobby pin came out mangled. I gave up and moved on to trying to simply pry the drawer open by force, but then someone knocked at the door.

"Go away," I growled over my shoulder, not giving up on my attempt to wrench the door open.

"Bianca, can I please come in," Ginny's voice called through the door.

"Ginny?" I said, surprised, turning to look toward the door. "Why are you here?"

"The whole family is here," she said, pushing the door open further so she could stand halfway into the room.

"Don't come in," I panicked, backing into the vanity to recoup the space between us that she had taken. "Please. I don't want any visitors. I just want to know where we are."

"This is Sirius Black's house. It's called Grimmauld Place," she said, stepping back out into the hallway with her hands up in surrender. "This is Head Quarters for the Order."

* * *

I didn't say anything back right away, so she left me. Voldemort had said something about the Order. What was the Order? It sounded very official, but I couldn't say where it had come from. Albus had never told me anything about an order, or at least I couldn't remember him doing so. But he must be involved with it for Voldemort to have been so curious right? Maybe it was an old group, since Voldemort knew of it. Did it stretch back to the last war, or had Harry told him about it? Where was Harry?

To get answers to those questions I was likely going to have to leave the room and I wasn't ready for that yet. I didn't know what would make me be ready for that. Right now I decided to focus on the drawer. That was a problem I could solve. I could solve it more easily if I had my wand, but I had never confirmed if Snape had been able to find it in the graveyard or not. I didn't know if I was ever getting it back, or if I wanted it. I yanked on the drawer harder but it didn't budge. I kicked the vanity in frustration, but I immediately regretted it. I hopped away from the vanity on my one foot that wasn't throbbing. Clearly moving around the room wasn't working for me either.

I was lying in the bed once more, wondering what was in that damn drawer when the door was pushed open again. I yelled at whoever it was, but they ignored me and opened it all the way anyway. I was surprised to see Severus Snape standing in the doorway. The screech bit off in my throat dying out in a growl when I realized that he was carrying a tray of food. This was a strikingly familiar position to be in, and somehow that made it almost okay for him to be in the room with me. Almost.

"Thank you," I said in a strangled voice as he set the tray on the bedside table. "But please get out."

"No," he said simply, though he did back away from the bed and stand against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. "You should not be alone right now, and so I shall force my presence upon you while you eat. Nothing will make me leave this room."

"I suppose it fits," I sighed, gazing longingly at the tray and wondering if I could bring myself to refuse it just to get him to leave. "You've been my meal companion for a while now."

He didn't say anything, but the corner of his mouth turned in the tiniest of smirks. Then he went back to standing quietly by the wall watching me, and I went back to gazing at the food. Molly had out done herself, and far outstripped anything Snape had been able to bring me in the past. There was more food than there had been on the last tray. It looked as if there must be a whole days food on the tray, perhaps no one wanted to be faced with having me scream at them multiple times a day.

There was an entire jug of pumpkin juice this time, and far more food than any one person could eat in one sitting. I was happy to see that there wasn't any bread on the platter this time; Snape must have mentioned that I'd had enough of that in the dungeon. I decided to make my best effort at eating everything on the tray, and gathered up a spoon full of the best eggs I had ever tasted. I thought maybe I should apologize to Molly for screaming at her when her eggs were so good, but I didn't think I'd be able to stop myself. Every time someone tried to come into the room I started screaming. It was an impulse control issue or something.

I gave up on the food when I was beyond stuffed, and I rolled over to lie on my stomach in the middle of the bed. I was unbelievably tired again. What was wrong with me? For a moment I lay there with my eyes closed just trying not to think, but then I was forcefully reminded of the fact that Snape was in the room when I felt him cast a spell. My head snapped up and I stared at him.

"Just a stasis charm on the food," he drawled. "I won't be forcing magic on you whilst here. I will however offer the opinion that you really ought to accept medical treatment."

"I don't want anyone to touch me," I admitted quietly, letting my head rest on the bed once more while I stared at him.

"Poppy is always gentle, and you rather need it," he pointed out. "I could remain in the room if you wished."

"She'd probably take off my clothes, like she did after the time… with Draco," I sighed. "That would be awkward for both of us."

"That is a very good point," he said and that almost smile appeared again. "I won't stay then, but you should allow her entrance."

"I will try," I conceded tiredly, letting my eyes drift closed.

"That is all I can ask," he said quietly.

I heard his soft footsteps cross back to the door, and then he was gone. I lay there, eyes still closed, trying to assess my body and ascertain what all was injured. I could feel areas that must be bruised, such as my leg, my arms, and my eye. My muscles felt strained and sore, but could not even compare to the ache in my wrists and ankles. My head felt heavy and I had a headache that didn't ever seem to fade away. Nothing felt like it should, and that just made me that much more tired.

* * *

My assessment was interrupted when there was a soft knock at the door. I turned so I could see the door but I did not say anything. I waited, wondering who it would be outside the door. This was the first person yet to actually knock first. Maybe if I pretended to be asleep they would just go away.

"Bianca, I know that you do not want any visitors," Madam Pomfrey's soft voice called through the door. "But I really do need to treat your injuries."

Hadn't I all but told Snape that I would let her in. I sighed, and tried to gather my courage.

"If I let you come in, no one else is allowed to come with you," I said barely louder than a mumble. "I'm only letting you in to fix my headache."

"Okay," she agreed easily, and I knew it was because she had no intention of sticking to the second rule.

She pushed the door open and moved slowly as she entered. She closed the door, and for a moment just looked at me and I got the impression she was trying not to startle me. She set her bag on the end of the bed as she came closer to me, and again she paused.

"Can you roll on to your back please?" she asked me quietly.

I did as she asked and she gasped. I thought perhaps when I had been searching the vanity I should have taken a look at myself. My face or something about my appearance in general seemed to be quite upsetting to her. She leaned in to touch my face and I flinched. I could pretend it was because of the pain, but it was really because someone was touching me.

I tried to fade into the back of my mind as she examined me. It was much easier after all the time in the dungeon to disappear from the present, but I tried not to think about why. It numbed me to having someone in my space, but I couldn't space out completely. She talked as she worked, but I didn't really hear her. I think she knew that, because she continued to talk without any response from me.

She eventually began to wave her wand above me, and I felt the level of pain I was in diminish considerably. She pulled the robe around delicately as she worked so she could apply salves to my skin without leaving me exposed. I was grateful for the courtesy, but I had no voice to tell her that. I imagined it must be some sort of burn paste after the way I had arrived in this building, but I didn't look to see. I didn't want to know if my skin was covered in burns, I just wanted all of the pain to stop.

She helped me delicately to sit up, and then she gave me two potions to take. I imagined she must have told me what they were. She always did in the past, but I hadn't been listening to what she was saying for some time now. She put the empty containers in her bag and then she produced a pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and undergarments, and she set them on the bed before she left.

After the door closed, I looked down at the clothes. I recognized them. They were my clothes. I smiled, it was nice of her to get them for me even if I hadn't been nice to her. I ditched the robe that was far too big on me and pulled on my own clothes. It made things a little better, but it also made them a little more difficult. Once I had them on I realized that the shirt was one Cedric had bought for me when he and his family went to Spain. I tried not to cry when I realized that, but I failed. Sobs wracked through me, and it hurt. It hurt physically, but emotionally as well. It hurt in ways that didn't even make sense to me. Someone opened the door while I was crying.

"Get out," I yelled through my tears, though it came out somewhat garbled.

"I'm not leaving," Albus said in a firm voice even though his eyes were soft.

"I don't want you here," I hiccoughed at him.

"I know you don't," he said calmly. "But you shouldn't be alone right now."

"Please," I sobbed. "Please just leave."

"No," he said in the same firm voice. "I brought your guitar. Maybe you'd rather sing than talk. I can't just sit down stairs not knowing what is going on up here."

"Yes you can," I growled at hi, swiping at my tears. "You can go sit down there and wonder ifs someone is going to come help you. You can sit down there for twelve day, and then maybe I will let you in here. Now get OUT!"

"I love you Bianca," he said quietly. "I'll leave you alone for now, if that's what you really want. But I need you to know that I love you."

"I love you too," I sighed. "But I don't want to see you right now."

He slipped out of the room, and the door clicked shut behind him. I buried my face in the pillow and I cried some more. I cried until I feel asleep. Then I slept for a very long time.


	52. Chapter 52

_**Song for this chapter: Colorblind by Counting Crows**_

* * *

Like had become normal in my life somehow, I woke up and it was partially dark. The lamp was still on, but the sun had clearly gone down. Habitually, I checked my watch, and I saw that it was four in the morning on July seventh. I'd made it to see another day. I wriggled my way up to the head of the bed and began picking at the food that remained. I felt the stasis charm drop when I grabbed a bit of chicken, and I wondered how Snape had managed that bit of magic. It was nice that food still had not grown cold, and it still tasted amazing.

I drank the last of the pumpkin juice, and then I realized that I had a new and more pressing dilemma. I needed to go to the bathroom, and there was not a bathroom in this room. I was going to have to leave. It was still very early, and the others were probably still sleeping. I decided to risk it, and slowly pulled the door open.

I peeked my head out into the hallway, and I saw that no one was there. So far so good. I tiptoed down the hall, looking for a bathroom. I tapped each door as I passed, just peaking in a bit to see if it was a bathroom. I passed an empty bedroom, a library, and another bedroom that looked like it might have someone sleeping in it, because I pushed open the right door.

I sighed in relief, and hurried inside closing the door firmly behind me. When I had finished with my business I thought it might be a good idea to take a shower. I was already out of the bedroom after all. I ran the shower water as hot as it would go, and I stripped out of my clothes. I climbed into the small shower stall and took what was probably the longest shower of my life. I showered until the water had run cold, which was quite a feat in a magical building. I didn't climb out of the shower, until the entire room was so full of fog that I could hardly see the room around me.

I dried myself off, careful to be delicate with the towel on my still healing skin. I put on the clothes I had worn in. I found a brush on a shelf and I drug it through my hair. Going two weeks without brushing my hair left a fair bit of tangles to be dealt with. It was nice to have something as simple as brushing my hair to focus on. I gathered my courage and wiped the steam away from the mirror so I could take a look at myself. I didn't recognize the girl looking back at me. She had a swollen face, and a black eye. There was a split in her lip, but her eyes were what really bothered me. I could see the blue irises that should mean they were mine, but the rest of the eye was bloodshot and just looked dead. Those couldn't be mine. I had to look away.

I decided that I didn't want to be in that bathroom anymore. The door stuck a bit, so I had to really pull on it to get it open. When I did steam billowed out around me, and I was shocked to find myself face to face with Ron. I sucked in a deep breath of the hot bathroom air, but he quickly placed his hand over my mouth to stop what he seemed to know was going to happen.

"Don't scream," he pleaded. "I didn't mean to scare you. I thought it was someone else in there."

I just breathed against his hand. It was ragged, but I wasn't screaming so that had to count for something.

"I know everything is really messed up right now," he went on. "I can't fix everything, but I think I can fix something. I think I know what you need right now."

I sighed against his hand, waiting for his answer. I needed a solution, so I would take his if he offered me one. I didn't even stop to think about the fact that he was still touching me.

"You need to see him," he whispered. "My mom always says that when we lose someone, we have to have closure or we can never get through it. You need closure."

That was all it took, I started to cry again. I nodded my head, and the tears started falling harder. I did need to see him. I knew I couldn't ever truly see Cedric again, but I needed to see where he was now. It would help. I knew it would.

"I can get my mum to take us," he said quickly. "I will run and wake her up."

He started to move away from me, to go get his mum, but I grabbed his hand as he was pulling away. I gripped his hand as tightly as I could and I went with him. Now that I had let him near me, had let him touch me, I couldn't seem to let him leave me. I couldn't understand what had changed, or what it meant, but it had changed none-the-less.

He led me quietly to the room his parents were sleeping in. He pushed the door open and led me into the room, and despite my resolve my heart raced at how dark the room was. He pulled me over to the bed with him. He gently shook his mother awake, and she lurched into awareness. She sat up looking around her with frightened eyes before her eyes landed on us.

"What?" she gasped. "How did you?"

"It doesn't matter," he said quickly, cutting her off before she could ask any more questions. "Will you take us to the cemetery please?"

"Right now?" she asked, looking at the dark window.

"Yes, right now," I whispered. "I want to go now. Please."

"Yes baby," she said softly as she pulled herself out of bed, and for a moment it felt like I was one of her children. "Let me get my robes on. I will meet you two at the door."

Ron pulled me back out of the room, and I could hear Molly explaining the situation to a very confused and half asleep Arthur as we hurried away. We stopped at the foot of the stairs, and I looked around us at this strange house while Ron hurried over to a coat rack and grabbed a cloak. My attention was pulled away from the house elf head mounted on the wall when he threw it over my shoulders and buttoned it for me. I knew I should be doing that myself but my body didn't seem to follow simple commands such as lift hand, button cloak. He stepped away to pull on the second cloak just as Molly came down the stairs to join us. She pulled her own cloak on in silence.

She held out both of her hands, and Ron took one. When I didn't do anything he nodded to her other hand and I realized I was supposed to take it. My hand shook as I grasped hers, but her grip was strong and warm. She turned and everything pressed in around us. It was only then that it clicked in my mind. Apparition. I supposed that it made sense, we couldn't really take a floo to the cemetery. The pressure stopped, and we were standing in a mostly dark cemetery on the edge of town. I didn't recognize any of the buildings nearby, but I assumed that we were still near London. The sun was just starting to come up, so there was so pink light beginning to trickle in around us. It made it easier to read the headstones.

We let go of Molly's hands and for a moment we all just stood there. Both of them watched me carefully. I knew that in front of me, if I read it, I would see Cedric's name on a headstone, but I wasn't ready to look yet. We all stood there in silence and I was grateful for their patience. As the sun broke over the horizon, its rays danced between the aisle created by the headstones. It felt like a sign that it was time. I had to look.

I looked down, and I was staring at the shiny black obsidian stone in front of me. Cedric Diggory was carved into the stone in beautiful print. My whole body shook as I stared at it, but I had to keep looking. I let my eyes scan lower and I saw that it said Beloved Son and Honorable Man. That was true. I was shaking so hard it felt as if I were having a seizure, but I couldn't stop yet. I had to look at the last part. 1977-1995, there was so much that just couldn't be said with that tiny dash in between the numbers.

That was all I could stand. My legs started to give out beneath me so I carefully lowered myself onto the ground to avoid injury. I crawled over, so I could lie on top of his grave. The tears over took me once more as I lay there. I fisted the grass in my hand, and I wished it was his hand I was holding instead. I could never hold his hand again, and I needed that to really sink in. I lay there on my side, cuddled up near the headstone, staring off into middle space.

Eventually Ron appeared in my eye line. He was lying in the grass in front of me, his face somber, his hand extended out to me. I took it, and the gentle pressure of his fingers helped. The tears didn't stop, but my heart hurt a tiny bit less. He closed both of his hands around mine, and he rubbed them back and forth creating warmth. I let out a shaky breath, trying to get the tears to stop.

"Is it any better?" he asked quietly. "I feel like maybe I made it worse."

"No," I shuddered. "It's a little better. I need to be here."

He nodded, and he stayed on the ground with me, just waiting. I was grateful that he stayed. It made my heart a little lighter with someone else to share the weight for a bit. The sun slowly rose higher and it grew warmer. I didn't need the cloak anymore, but I didn't want to move to take it off. We lay there for a very long time before I felt like I could breathe normally again. It took time for me to feel like I might be able to move again.

"I think I am ready to go now," I said, sitting up slowly and letting go of Ron's hand. "I'm ready."

"Okay," he said, standing quickly and reaching down to help me up. "Okay."

We walked back to Molly who was still waiting patiently a few feet away. I could see tear tracks on her face, and in the early morning light I saw that her face was crinkled with worry, but she said nothing. It was a strange experience to see the emotion flicker over her face as she watched her son walk me away from the grave of the man that I loved. It was the first time that I saw humanity from the outside looking in since I had been born. I think it was the first moment I truly understood how different I was. I felt so connected to everyone around me, and yet I could not be more different from them could I?

* * *

I took Molly's hand once more, and allowed her to pull me through space as she apparated us back to the same dingy entryway we had left early this morning. It had been empty when we left, but now the silver haired wizard whose name had ruled my life as of late was standing at the foot of the stairs waiting patiently. If he didn't look so sad, I might think he was waiting for an appointment.

"Good morning," he said softly. "Are you ready to talk now?"

"Yes," I said, giving in easily, too tired to fight anymore.

"Why don't we go to the kitchen and have a spot of tea?" he offered kindly presenting his arm should I choose to take it.

I did take it, telling myself that if I could touch Ron I could touch the man I saw as my father. He led me to the kitchen, and I let him coddle me as we sat. I knew things were going to get difficult again very soon, and I wouldn't begrudge a moment of peace. We were in the kitchen that I had first appeared in, but I surprisingly felt nothing. We each took a seat on either side of the table. I waited for him to speak first, and he was just watching me with his fingers pressed together resting under his chin.

"I know it's going to be difficult," he finally spoke. "But I need you to tell me everything that happened, starting from when you disappeared."

So I started. I told him about how my Defense Against the Dark Arts Final had ended, and how the test papers had been a portkey. I glossed over the graveyard quickly both because Iw as sure Harry had already told him and because it hurt to think about what I had seen take place there I told him about the twelve days in the dungeon at Malfoy manor, or what I could make sense of anyway. I tried to explain the confusing parts, but I couldn't make them make sense to myself so I doubted that they made sense to Albus. I stopped on my appearance in the kitchen, and I waited. I had questioned of my own, but I wanted hear what he had to say first.

"You have been very brave," he said softly. "You have done much more than anyone would have any right to ask of you."

"But you would have asked, if you have been given the chance wouldn't you?" I asked quietly. "If you had been able to speak with me, wouldn't you truthfully have said that you wished for me to keep my silence? Didn't you say that I could speak knowing that I wouldn't?"

"Yes, I suppose I would have," he said softly. "I have confided some deep secrets in you. Perhaps more than I should have burdened such a young girl with."

"But I am not a young girl, not really," I sighed. "So I suppose that it's not too much to ask of me."

"Perhaps," he said so quietly it almost could not be heard. "But I would feel just as guilty asking any adult member of the Order to do what you did."

"I'd like to know what the Order is now," I said, moving into business quickly. "I'm surprised that I haven't heard of it before now."

"The Order of the Phoenix is something between a secret society and an army," he explained, not seeming to take offense at my forwardness. "I created it during the years that Voldemort was in power. All of the members do their best to fight back just as they did before."

"Snape is in the order?" I asked.

"Professor Snape Bianca," he chided softly.

"He and I have been through enough together that I think I can call him Susan if I really want to," I snapped before taking a calming breath. "I'm sorry. That was rude."

"You are angry, I understand that," he said forgivingly. "Yes, Severus is in the Order."

"And you are certain that he is on our side?" I asked, because I wanted to know what he thought, I was already certain.

"Yes I believe he is well and truly on the side of the Order," he said firmly.

"Okay," I breathed. "He has a truly awful job. To lie to that man… it is so difficult. I can't imagine walking into that place willingly."

"Severus is a strong and brave man," he nodded. "I think he has a very good heart, no matter how he might try to hide it."

We sat in silence for a bit after that. I was thinking about how gentle Snape could actually be, and wondering why he hid that from the world. It looked as if Albus was thinking quite a bit as well.

"Where is Harry," I asked after a long time. "Why isn't he here?"

"He has to stay with your aunt and uncle for a little while," he explained. "He has to establish that as his home once more to maintain the magical protection afforded him there before he can leave."

"Can I go there?" I asked, surprised by the slight quake in my voice "Can I see him?"

"I don't think that is best," he said with a frown. "Harry cannot be given sensitive information right now. As you have just gotten free, I would like to keep your whereabouts under wraps right now."

"But from my own brother?" I asked.

"I don't think he is entirely your brother right now," he said quietly. "I'm still researching this of course, but I think the dream that he has of Voldemort stem from a mental connection between the two of them."

"So, you're keeping him in the dark, because you think Voldemort might realize he can look into his mind for information?" I sighed, feeling even older than I had before. "Are you going to tell Harry this?"

"No just yet," he said quietly. "He is going through a difficult time right now. It would be… too much of a burden on him."

"Burdens," I laughed, and it was a tin filled sound. "They are all about to get quite heavy aren't they?"

"Yes," he said with a sadness that nearly drowned the twinkle in his eyes.

"I'm ready to take on a bigger burden," I said firmly. "I'm ready to be a part of the Order."

"You are not of age yet," he argued weakly.

"I'm pretty sure I'm older than you," I pointed out with a smirk. "I don't perhaps have the magical training of someone old, but I can get there. I think the Order is the right fit for me."

"If I were to say yes, I believe that you would meet resistance," he pointed out conversationally. "Especially since you and I are probably the only two that truly believe that you are a phoenix."

"We don't have to tell people that," I said with a shrug. "You have their respect, all you have to do is give your approval and they will not challenge you."

"That may be true," he said. "But should I give my approval."

"It wouldn't make sense not to," I said plainly. "You know me. You know I am going to be a part of this war no matter what. So will I do it with the help of experience fighters, or will I do it with the help of a few students with less training than I?"

"If I say yes, you cannot channel information to your friends," he said sternly. "If I say yes, you have to make the same commitment of secrecy that the other members have made. Are you prepared to have to keep secrets from your closest friends? From your brother?"

"Yes," I said without hesitation, I did not have to think about it when I knew this was what I needed. "If there is one thing I have grown to understand lately it is the idea of the greater good. Sometimes the safety of the majority is more important than that of the individual. If I have to lie to get us there, then I am prepared for that."

"Then you have my approval," he said quietly. "Your first test on that promise will come very soon. Hermione and Ron are both here, and if you attend the meeting they will demand information from you."

"I don't my abilities to resist their demands, but perhaps I should attend in secret," I suggested.

"Perhaps," he said with a smile.

When we finished talking I decided to go back to my room. I wanted to try and get a bit more sleep, and frankly I was sore, but I didn't make it past the stairs. I ran into Hermione and Ron who were sitting at the top patiently waiting for me. I stopped halfway up and offered them the best smile I could muster. It felt fairly pitiful.

"Hey," Ron said quietly.

"Hey," I replied. "Thanks for taking me this morning."

"It was nothing," he said softly, a slight blush creeping into his cheeks.

"Well it meant a lot to me," I shrugged. "So what are you guys doing?"

"We may have ditched out of more cleaning to wait for you…" Hermione admitted guiltily.

"Cleaning?" I asked.

"Mum has us decontaminating the whole place," Ron explained. "No one has lived here in years. Things are a bit… dodgy."

"I think Ginny told me about this house, but it's a little fuzzy. Where are we again?" I asked, looking around at the gloomy house, still a bit repulsed by those house elf heads mounted on the wall.

"This is Grimmauld Place," she explained. "This house is owned by Sirius, he is letting the Order use it as headquarters."

"Okay," I nodded, my mind already flitting to a new subject. "So what room are we cleaning now?"

"We are finishing up the last of the bedrooms," Ron grumbled. "I feel like a house elf."

"Good," Hermione snapped. "Maybe now you will think about how they are treated like slaves."

"Can we not start this fight again," I sighed. "Lead the way to the dust bunnies."

* * *

We cleaned for hours, until every last bedroom was inhabitable. After seeing the state of them I understood the need to decontaminate the house. The Black family appeared to have a taste for dark magic. There were all sorts of things lurking about the house. It dawned on me that perhaps getting the drawer of the vanity open in my own room was not the best idea.

When it started to get late, we went down to the kitchen and had sandwiches that Molly made. We shared light conversation, and everyone avoided any reference to the fact that I had been missing or to my time in self enforced isolation. It was a bit overwhelming to be around so many people but I managed to handle it with somewhat shaky grace. We finished eating and then we took turns taking showers. I opted to take the last one since it hadn't been that long since I had taken one. I went to wait in my room, and saw that my guitar was sitting on the bed. Albus was not always very subtle.

I sat on the bed next to the guitar but I didn't play it. I just stared at it for a long time until I dared to slide my fingers over the smooth wood. A part of me wanted to play it, because I knew it would make me feel better. But another part of me felt like it might not make me feel better at all. What if that had changed as well? I was afraid to find out.

I just sat there with it until it was my time to shower. I rushed through showering so I could go to bed. I felt drained, but as soon as I closed the door and walked over to the bed I felt wide awake once more. So I sat on the bed once more, still staring at the guitar. I checked my watch, hoping it would make me feel better, and I saw that it was two in the morning. I looked back to the guitar; maybe I would be able to fall asleep after playing?

I picked the guitar up and I started to strum a bit. The sound was pleasant, and the way the strings felt against my fingers was soothing and familiar. I tried to remember one of the songs I had written before, but I was drawing a blank. I tried not to get upset about it; surely they would come back with time. I just kept strumming, waiting for something to come to me. Eventually the notes did fall into a rhythm, but it was not an old song. I found words were forming themselves in my mind, and I was compelled to sing them. I kept putting it off, strumming longer, and avoiding how I knew I would feel when I finally said them out loud. Eventually I couldn't put it off any longer, the tears were coming either way, so I might as well just let go.

_2 am, where do I begin_

_Crying off my face again_

_The silent sound of loneliness_

_Wants to follow me to bed_

_I'm the ghost of a girl_

_That I want to be most_

_I'm the shell of a girl_

_That I used to know well_

_Dancing slowly in an empty room_

_Can the lonely take the place of you_

_I sing myself a quiet lullaby_

_Let you go and let the lonely in_

_To take my heart again_

_Too afraid, to go inside_

_For the pain of one more loveless night_

_For the loneliness will stay with me_

_And hold me till I fall asleep_

_I'm the ghost of a girl_

_That I want to be most_

_I'm the shell of a girl_

_That I used to know well_

_Dancing slowly in an empty room_

_Can the lonely take the place of you_

_I sing myself a quiet lullaby_

_Let you go and let the lonely in_

_To take my heart again_

_Broken pieces of_

_A barely breathing story_

_Where there once was love_

_Now there's only me_

_And the lonely..._

_Dancing slowly in an empty room_

_Can the lonely take the place of you_

_I sing myself a quiet lullaby_

_Let you go and let the lonely in_

_To take my heart again..._

(Christina Perry)


	53. Chapter 53

_**Song for this chapter: Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson**_

* * *

We kept up cleaning the entire house over the next few days. I tried to settle back into a normal routine, or at least something that could be seen as normal even though it was nothing like what I had done before. I started to read the paper each morning. I missed it in the first issue, but I started to pick up on the nasty jokes and the snide jabs at Harry. I couldn't believe at first that the Prophet would allow it until I sat in on my first Order meeting and heard some discussion of the further alienation of Albus at the ministry. So then I had to ask about what was going on and learned that he had been asked to step down from several of the committees he had previously been on, as well as the Wizengamot.

I also started writing to Harry. I wrote him every day and I told him every detail of the most random things I could think of. It was mostly to relieve my guilt for not being able to tell him anything important. I couldn't tell him where I was, but I was allowed to tell him how I was. When he asked, I told him in far too much detail what had happened during the twelve days that I had been held captive. I sent an apology letter later that same night because I realized how awful it would be to read something like that. I told him stories about the last year he hadn't been privy to. I made up stories to tell him. Anything to send him a letter.

I went to the cemetery once or twice a week to put flowers on Cedric's grace, and to just sit with him. I still cried quite a bit, but it was a little easier than it had been before. I was able to leave a little sooner each time. I always had to have an escort when I went, because the only safe way for me to travel there was apparition and I didn't have a clue how to do the fire thing again.

I had tried focusing on wanting to be somewhere, and hoping it would work, but I couldn't seem to recreated whatever I had done that night to escape. I wasn't sure what factors were most important in causing the flames, so it was impossible to decide where to begin. So instead I was escorted. Whoever escorted me always kept a respectful distance, and would refrain from asking if I wanted to leave unless they had to turn up for their shift of guard duty.

I hadn't been asked to do guard duty both because of my age, and because I had yet to retrieve my wand. I had been told that Albus had it, but I wasn't interested in having it just yet. I couldn't use magic outside of school anyway, so I did not feel any particular incentive to collect it. Twice while vising his grave I saw grave diggers come in to prepare a new plot. They inspired a song idea for me, and I went home and wrote it that same night. I decided to go back the next day so I could play it for Cedric. I made sure that Albus would be my escort so I would not have to face the judgment others were sure to give me for it. He apparated us into the cemetery, and stood under a tree in partial darkness, while I sat at the foot of Cedric's grave and played him my new song.

_Cyrus Jones 1810 to 1913_

_Made his great grandchildren believe_

_You could live to a 103_

_A hundred and three is forever when you're just a little kid_

_So, Cyrus Jones lived forever_

_Gravedigger_

_When you dig my grave_

_Could you make it shallow_

_So that I can feel the rain_

_Gravedigger_

_Muriel Stonewall 1903 to 1954_

_She lost both of her babies in the second great war_

_Now, you should never have to watch your only children lowered in the ground_

_I mean you should never have to bury your own babies_

_Gravedigger_

_When you dig my grave_

_Could you make it shallow_

_So that I can feel the rain_

_Gravedigger_

_Ring around the rosey_

_Pocket full o'posey_

_Ashes to ashes_

_{Musical intro}_

_We all fall down_

_Gravedigger_

_When you dig my grave_

_Could you make it shallow_

_So that I can feel the rain_

_Oh Gravedigger_

_Little Mikey Carson '67 to '75_

_He rode his bike like the devil until the day he died_

_When he grows up he wants to be Mr. Vertigo on the flying trapeze_

_Oh, 1940 to 1992-_

_Gravedigger_

_When you dig my grave_

_could you make it shallow_

_So that I can feel the rain_

_Grave digger_

_When you dig my grave_

_Could you make it shallow_

_So that I can feel the rain_

_I can feel the rain_

_I can feel the rain_

_Gravedigger_

_When you dig my grave_

_Could you make it shallow_

_So that I can feel the rain_

_Gravedigger_

_Gravedigger_

_(Dave Matthews)_

It was the first time I had played a song in front of Albus and he hadn't clapped, but frankly it would have been inappropriate if he had. He didn't say anything about the song being morbid, for which I was grateful, but he did instigate a conversation about possibly weaning down my visits to the grave as the summer went on. I knew he was right. I knew that I would not be able to visit at all during school, and that going from seeing the grave constantly to no visits at all would be unbearable. I told him I would try, but that was all I could promise him.

* * *

I made a decision to make another visit shortly after I was home, but it took me longer to build up the courage to do it. I would not ask for help travelling to my destination this time, and so once I had prepared myself, I still had to wait for a time when no one was paying much attention to me to sneak out. When everyone was otherwise occupied I slipped out of the front door, and hailed the first cab I saw. I gave the driver the Diggory's address and then I tried not to throw up from the nerves coursing through me.

When the car arrived I paid the driver and got out, and then I stood outside the white fence for a long time. I watched the front door, trying to will my feet to move forward, but being too afraid to do so. I wanted, perhaps even _needed_, to see them, but I couldn't seem to move past the fence.

I had probably been at the gate for about thirty minutes when I decided it was time. I took a deep breath, pushed the gate open, and started up the path to the porch. I had forgotten how beautiful their yard was, or perhaps it just seemed more beautiful because I was looking at it with new eyes. I trailed my fingers through the tulips that were swaying in gentle breeze as I crossed the last of the path. I climbed the whitewashed steps up to the front door, and then I froze again.

I knew I needed to talk to them, but my hand didn't want to move forward and knock on the door. I could see through the window that there were a few lights on, so I knew they were home, but still I waited. Eventually I saw a shadow moving toward the door and I knew I had to knock. It wouldn't do to be caught staring in through their front door and I needed to see them anyway.

I reached out with a trembling hand and I knocked on the door. The shadow continued moving to the door, and when the person casting it came into view I found myself faced with the slight form of Mrs. Diggory. Her face was blank until she saw me. I watched as it twisted for a second with terrible pain, and then smoothed out into a smile. She crossed the rest of the way and pulled the door open.

"Come on in Bianca," she said softly, stepping to the side so I could enter the house. "I was wondering when you would come. We missed you at the funeral."

"I… I wish I could have been there," I said, choking just slightly on the words as I stepped inside.

"Where were you?" she asked and there was a hint of accusation in her voice. "WE didn't see you at the task, and no one would tell us where you were after that either."

"I'm not sure you really want to know where I was," Is aid quietly, my eyes dropping to the floor. "All I can really say is that I wanted to be here with you all. I wanted to be there for C-Cedric."

"Look," she said firmly, reaching out with a delicate hand to tilt my chin up and force me to look at her. "I need to know. I can't let you in my house, or let you see my husband without some sort of explanation of why you weren't here at the worst time."

"If you really want me to tell you this, I think perhaps you should sit down," I said sadly.

She nodded, and led me over to the sitting room. I sat by the front window, shocked by how familiar the setting was for such an alien situation. I sighed, not wanting to tell someone who had just been through something awful a story that was even worse.

"I was abducted," I started, pulling the sleeves of my sweater up so she could see the still healing welts around my wrists from the shackles. "And I was held there for twelve days."

I gave her the cliff notes version. I wanted to spare her the gruesome details, and I knew I would not remain calm if I delved any deeper. I didn't give her the name of the wizard who had been in charge because I assumed that she would think I was as crazy as everyone seemed to think Harry and Albus were. If she were to believe me, I couldn't put that weight on her. How would she process knowing her son had been ruthlessly killed in front of me by the darkest wizard our world had ever known, and then that same wizard had tortured me?

"Why would someone do that to you?" she asked when I had finished, her confusion clear to see on her face.

"Other than the time that I had with Cedric, I have been a very unlucky person. My life has not… been good," I told her quietly. "I have accepted my lot. It just saddens me that it kept me from being here when I needed to be; when I _wanted_ to be."

"I'll go get Amos," she said with a shaky voice. "He's been waiting for you for a while now. I think it best not to tell him the details of where you've been."

I sat in the armchair, and I waited as she walked off toward the kitchen. She came back with a tea tray first, and I kept from asking where Amos was. She turned right around and left again, and then she came back with a man that I could hardly recognize. He seemed smaller, and greyer. It was like he had aged, but his body had gotten younger or at least smaller. He walked slowly over to sit with me, and I saw that his whole body shook just slight.

"Hello Mr. Diggory," I said softly when he sat down. "How are you doing today?"

"Bianca," he sighed, sinking deeper into his chair. "I was hoping you would come."

"I'm sorry it took me so long," I told him earnestly as I poured tea for the both of us.

"How are you?" he asked, taking the tea from me, his hand shaking so badly that he almost spilled the tea onto the table.

"I'm… coping." I said, not wanting to tell him an outright lie. "Or trying to… and you?"

"I'm a mess," he admitted, his face crumpling. "I can't make this… I can't do this."

"You can do this," I said, reaching over to offer him my hand. "It's going to be hard, but you are strong."

"I am not strong," he sighed shakily, a few tears leaking from the corners of his eyes as he squeezed my hand tightly. "Cedric was my boy, my only boy. I can't make it right without him."

"I know," I said, biting my lip to keep it from trembling. "It isn't right without him here, but we're still here. We have to keep moving forward."

"How are you so put together," he asked, toughly wiping his tears away and trying to get his hands to stop shaking as he returned to the task of trying to drink tea.

"I'm not put together really," I admitted with a shrug before taking a drink of my own tea. "I'm just focused. I picked something to focus on so that I could keep getting out of bed in the morning."

"Does it help?" he whispered.

"It does," I told him. "When my heart gets too heavy to carry forward, I focus on my new task and it gives me the strength I need."

"And what is it?" he asked, looking over the top of his cup as he took a drink.

"I've joined a secret society," I told him somewhat conspiratorially. "As it's a secret, I can't tell you much about it, but it helps me. I think if you had something similar it would help you."

"Can I join this secret society?" he asked quietly, his hand stilling for the first time.

"I'm not in charge, you will have to speak with the leader," I said softly. "I wonder if it would be the best idea though."

"Tell me the name, and I will tell you if it is right for me," he said in the most firm voice I had heard him use since I arrived.

"It's the Order of the Phoenix," I whispered.

"Yes, that is what I assumed," he said, a light shining in his eyes. "I want to join."

"Would Mrs. Diggory be supportive of that?" I asked shrewdly.

"I don't know," he admitted honestly.

"Well perhaps you should talk to her first then," I chided. "If she is okay with it, then talk to Albus, but not before. Promise me."

"I promise," he sighed. "They let you join when you are only about to turn fifteen?"

"I have special circumstances," I said vaguely. "Besides, I am not allowed to participate in everything anyway."

"We could work together," he said with a smile. "If I joined I mean."

"Maybe," I said quietly, wondering if his eagerness to join was to stay close to a reminder of Cedric. "Like I said, I don't get to do much. I supposed I could try to get a job at recruiting though. I mean if it's this easy I must be a natural."

"Very funny," he said, and a small smile graced his face before it fell again. "Have you been to see him?"

"I go every couple of days," I admitted, my voice cracking.

"Guess that distraction isn't working as well as you said," he sighed.

"It works well enough," I whispered. "I'm working on cutting down how often I go, so it will be easier when school starts."

"I haven't been since the funeral," he admitted. "I can't stand to see it."

"I can understand that," I told him, patting his hand gently. "I feel like I need to see it; like I can hold onto my last connection to him by going there."

"It's strange. It is so different for everyone." He mused. "My wife is angry about it. I can hardly relate to her when she gets into one of her fits of rage."

"Don't say that," I chided, genuinely afraid for their marriage. "There is always a way to get through to people you love. You just have to keep trying. You have to focus."

"Focus would be good," he said, shaking his head a bit. "She's a good woman you know? She's been my rock through all of this."

"Mrs. Diggory is a very strong woman," I agreed. "But you should tell her that. I'm sure she needs to hear it from time to time."

"I know," he said, looking toward the kitchen where she was likely sitting.

"I should get home," I said, standing up to leave. "It was good to see you."

"You can come back anytime," he said quickly. "Consider this a second home to you. I still think of you as part of the family, even if you didn't get the chance to marry my son."

I had to blink back tears at his words, but I could see that his eyes had misted up as well so I was not embarrassed. I gave him a nod and a quick one armed hug before I hurried out of the house, calling goodbye to Mrs. Diggory over my shoulder. The sun was starting to set now, and it was growing a bit cold out. I walked out to the main road, and I flagged down another cab. I told the drive Grimmauld Place, and when he asked which end of the square I realized I had a problem. Apparently the section was a few blocks long, and I didn't actually knew where the house was located. I played it off by telling him it didn't matter, and he just shook his head and started driving.

* * *

The driver took me to the square and I paid him before getting out of the car. I walked up and down the square looking for the building I had come out of. The problem was that they all looked alike and I had no idea what the house number was. It was slowly growing darker, and I was wondering what I should do. The best solution I could think of was going into downtown London so I could make a floo call to Albus, but it seemed so counterproductive, when I was probably standing right outside of the building and I just couldn't see it.

I was just about to leave and try my plan when I got lucky. Snape appeared with a small pop in the square. I had forgotten that there was a meeting tonight. I was glad that he was here, and that he had chosen to appear outside because he could show me the way. I waved him over.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked as he walked over to me.

"Well I had an errand to run," I said with a slightly bitter laugh. "But now that I'm trying to come back, I've remembered that I don't know the actual address."

"Of course not," he said with one of his patented almost smiles. "The whole place is hidden. You can only get the address from the secret keeper. Perhaps Albus assumed you didn't need to know it since you had already entered the house before."

"Perhaps," I agreed. "Can I just follow you in?"

"Certainly," he said agreeably, and I lamented that this open communication would likely end when we returned to school. "If you plan to leave again, you should get him to tell you the address. So you can avoid this happening in the future of course."

"Yes," I agreed, and I followed him into the house which I was now certain hadn't been there before.

It seemed stupid now that I saw it. When I had been walking up and down the street I had noticed that there was a missing number, but for some reason I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Now I knew what it must be, but the number was still on the tip of my tongue. I assumed that sensation would pass when Albus had spoken the address to me. I let Snape lead me into the house, and since no one was standing in the foyer I was able to walk directly to the kitchen without worrying about someone seeing me go into the meeting.

"Bianca, I think it might be best if you sit this one out tonight," Molly said as soon as I had entered the kitchen. "Harry will be arriving tonight, and I think he will notice your absence immediately."

"Alright," I said, not fighting her when I realized I would get to see Harry soon. "What time will he get here?"

"Any minute now," she said, checking her watch. "The other will be joining the meeting after they deliver him."

"I'll go wait in the foyer then," I said with a slight shrug as I turned around and headed back out of the kitchen.

I didn't have to sit on the stairs waiting for very long before Harry walked in with a group of Order members. Molly was saying something to shoo him off toward the upstairs, but I was just standing there staring at him, not really hearing what she was saying. This was the first time I had seen Harry since that night in the graveyard, and I hadn't realized how difficult it was going to be. So many emotions boiled up inside of me when I looked at him. The overarching emotion though was relief. He was the only person on the planet that understood what it felt like to have that night locked away in their memory.

"Harry," I breathed quietly from where I stood on the stares.

His head snapped around to look at me, and I could see the emotions dancing over his face as he looked up at me. He paused for a moment, but then he started to move forward. As soon as he made a move toward me I was off. I flew down the few stairs separating us and I crushed him into the tightest hug I could manage with my still tender and healing body.

"You look like hell," he whispered in my ear as he squeezed me back, hurting me just slightly but I forgave him instantly.

"Thanks jerk," I laughed in his ear. "I'm so glad to see you."

"Me too," he said softly, leaning back so he could run his fingers gently over the still visible bruise around my eye with a sad look on his face. "But if you tell anyone about me being sappy, I will deny, deny, deny."

"I'm a vault of secrets," I whispered as I released him from my hold. "The others are waiting upstairs. I think they are probably getting impatient of pretending that they can't hear you down here, to avoid getting caught eavesdropping."

"Lead the way," he said with a gesture of his arm, and some of the friendliness bled out of his voice.

I pondered what he was think about as I led him up to the room I knew the others would be hidden away in. There was a bit of pandemonium when the others finally saw him. The conversation that stemmed from it reminded me of why Harry was finally allowed to join us. I had been so caught up in my thoughts about visiting the Diggorys that I had basically forgotten that my brother had been attacked by dementors, and that a particular Order member had failed to do their job of protecting him. Both of those things made me so incredibly angry, and I just didn't have the capacity to handle anger right now.

* * *

We talked about the trail until the day of. The lot of us sat at home talking about the trial the day of, while Harry was gone. We talked about it even more when he got home and we found out that he had been found innocent. It was a relief to know that he would be returning to school with us. I felt slightly relieved to know that there was still some sort of justice in the world.

The summer wrapped up without much more excitement, for which I was grateful. Hermione and Ron received letters naming them prefect along with everyone else's supply lists. I could tell that Harry felt slighted for not getting it, but I couldn't see what the big deal was really. Who wanted to be a prefect anyway? We had a big party for them the night before we left for school, but I turned in early after only spending a short amount of time with the overly boisterous lot.

There was a lost more excitement in the morning when it was time to leave. Fred and George nearly smashed Ginny, and Moody was trying to get the guard organized to take us to the station. I used my lack of inclination to be around Moody, even if he was no longer an imposter, as the reason to track down Albus and finally retrieve my wand. Because of that I discovered that he was gone already, and that he had given my wand to Molly for safe keeping. I stuck it in my pocket when she produced it and joined everyone that was piling into cars to go to the station.

I hit the first road bump in my cool façade when we reached the station. I caught myself looking around for Cedric and had to physically shake myself and walk forward. My eyes burned but I managed to keep my composure as I caught up to our little group and followed them onto the train. People splintered off until it was just Harry, Ginny, and me looking for a compartment. Neville joined us in our search and we eventually found a compartment that was empty except for Luna. The others seemed apprehensive about sitting with her, but I just found that confusing.

We sat with her, and everyone eventually adjusted to her eccentric behavior. I wondered if I was adjusted to her unconventional behavior because I lived with Albus, but then I remembered how easily Cedric had dealt with her and I found myself fighting tears again. I made conversation with Luna throughout the ride, and we both laughed hysterically when Neville's Mimbulus Mimbletonia spurted stink sap on all of us.

It did smell awful, but everyone looked really funny and I laughed until I had tears in my eyes. Ginny got rid of it all, and I almost wished that she hadn't because it was definitely the funniest thing all night. Things actually got a bit tense toward the end of the ride when the others made fun of Luna's father's magazine. The apparently didn't appreciate its eccentricities.

When we all arrived at the station we ran into what was a surprised for the others but not for me. Hagrid was not there. Instead professor Grubby=plank had made a reappearance. I knew that Hagrid hadn't returned from his mission yet, but I had to play the part of confusion with the others.

When we went to get in a carriage we received another surprise. At last Harry did. He noticed the Thestrals, and I realized no one had told him what to expect after seeing Cedric die. I wondered why he hadn't seen them when he left school last year, but then I supposed that he could have still be in shock at the time.

It hadn't occurred to me to mention them to him, and I felt guilty for it now. He seemed very disconcerted by them, and Luna was telling him that she could see them too but that didn't seem to make him feel better. I followed him into the carriage and patted him reassuringly on the knee.

"I can see them too," I whispered in his ear. "And I'm fairly sure that I'm not crazy so you must be sane too."

"Thanks, he said with a weak chuckle.

When we got up to the caste we exited the carriages and Luna went her separate way. It was probably for the best as she did seem to be striking out with my friends after dissing Hagrid as a teacher. I went to follow the others into the great hall but McGonagall cut me off at the pass and pulled me off to the side.

"I need you to go to my office and make a floo call to headquarters," she whispered quietly. "I have to see to the sorting so I need you to let the others know that the lot of you made it here safely."

"Okay," I nodded, starting to head off.

"They should have an update about the duty situation for the evening," she went on quickly. "I will need you to relay the information to me when you return. If Podmore will be making it in I would like for you to cough when you enter the feast. If he has to be replaced yet again, just head to your table silently."

"Understood," I nodded, and I hurried off.

I couldn't move to quickly in the entrance hall because it was full of people, but once I was up the marble staircase and out of sight I could run freely. I raced down to McGonagall's office and I hurried in closing the door behind me. I took a vase from the mantle and threw some floo powder into the already burning fire. I stuck my head in and called out Grimmauld place.

"Bianca?" Sirius said in surprise from where he sat at the table obviously waiting to hear from McGonagall.

"McGonagall said to let Moody know everyone made it fine," I said quickly.

"Got it," Moody said, and then he stepped into view of the fireplace.

"She would also like to know if Podmore showed up for duty this evening," I pushed on.

"He did not, we had to send Arthur in his place," Moody answered.

"Thank you," I said quickly. "I have to get back to the feast before anyone notices that I am not there."

I pulled my head out of the fire without waiting for a goodbye. I dusted my face off and then I hurried back out into the corridor and I rushed back down to the feast. The doors were just starting to close behind the first years, so I stuck my hand in to pull on of them back open. I slipped inside and waited a second before moving so that I was certain McGonagall could see me. I then walked pointedly to Gryffindor table without coughing so she would know the answer.

"Where did you go?" Harry asked when I sat down.

"I had to go see Madam Pomfrey quickly," I lied with a gesture to my wrists that were hidden from sight as they still hadn't healed properly. "I guess she couldn't wait until after the feast to get another look at them."

"She gets kind of pushy sometimes doesn't she?" he asked.

"Yeah," I agreed, relieved that he seemed to believe me, and that McGonagall was starting the sorting ceremony so I wouldn't have to keep telling lies.


	54. Chapter 54

_**Song for this chapter: Some Nights by Fun**_

It was the beginning of fifth year and apparently it was going to be as full of surprises as the last year if the first day of classes was any indication. I picked up my timetable and I was shocked to discover that I had been placed in remedial transfiguration. This didn't sit well with me at all. Even if I had been distracted with everything that was happening last year, it couldn't have been bad enough to put me in that class. I went to confront Professor McGonagall about it and she explained in a clipped tone that I needed the lesson and that we could speak about it further when we met for my first lesson. I wasn't left with much room to argue.

The next surprise was just how inefficient our new Defense teacher was. I had gotten the impression from her rather unexpected start of term speech that she was the conduit through which the ministry would be observing what was happening at Hogwarts this year. I just hadn't realized that she was actually going to try to keep us from learning to defend ourselves in such turbulent times. Not to mention that this was the year we would sit out OWL exams and she was setting us up to fail.

After my first lesson with the toad, and watching the nasty way which she dealt with Harry, I had my first remedial transfiguration lesson. I was still fuming about the detention she had given out when I arrived in McGonagall's office, only to find Harry there. I stomped right back out into the corridor to wait for my turn, consciously aware of how hot under the collar I was. A few minutes later Harry came out looking dejected and walked away. I went back into the room, set my bag on her desk, and plopped down without any grace.

"So how bad were my scores last year to land me in here?" I grumbled. "I thought I did a pretty good job on the final, but clearly I had the wrong idea."

"You marks were fine," she said as she abandoned the spot behind her desk to close the door to her office. "The title for this class is to keep pushy noses from sniffing too closely. This is actually a class to try and accelerate you skill level up to the level of the other Order members as quickly as possible."

"Oh," I said dumbly, regretting my attitude immediately. "So it's like Advanced Defense?"

"Essentially, yes," she said, sitting down behind her desk once more. "Your proctor will rotate between members of the Oder that teach here. Today it's me and we will be working on the disillusionment charm."

She explained the idea behind it, demonstrated it for me, and then had me practice the wand movements. After repeating the motion more times than I could count I was allowed to try the charm I had to first try it on a desk just in case it did not work. I was glad she had taken this precaution when I somehow vanished the desk entirely on the first try. She could not recall it into the room, so I had no idea if we would ever see the table with the chipped legs again.

One the second try I got the newly conjured table to go partially invisible. We kept trying until we could no longer see the table, though it was still obviously present in the room. It wasn't perfect, if you looked at it from the corner of your eye you could see a shimmer where the table sat. It was progress though. She told me to practice it over the next week, and that we would review it before moving on to a new spell next meeting.

-`-'-

All of my classes were giving me heavy workloads, so while I was glad the Order was taking my membership seriously, it was a bit difficult to keep up with it all. I was running a bit ragged, but there was a part of me that was grateful that it kept me from thinking about other things. It was however making me rather irritable. It was on one of my more ragged days that I had a run in with Dolores Umbridge. She literally ran into me in the corridor and didn't even bother to help me pick up all of the things that were scattered across the floor because of her.

"You could apologize Ms. Potter," she said sternly.

"I could apologize to you?" I screeched at her, completely losing my tenuous grasp on my temper. "You should probably cut down on how much bright pink you wear because it is clearly blinding you! You ran into me, not the other way around."

"Ms. Potter, you cannot speak to a teacher in such a way," she chided with her stupid fat head tilted to the side and a half smirk on her face. "You will be serving a detention with me this evening at five."

"Whatever," I scoffed at her, and then I stomped off to my next lesson.

-`-'-

My second attempted at brewing the draught of peace was a complete train wreck. I was too focused on thinking about smashing Umbridge instead of the beetle parts I was supposed to be finely crushing. When my potions was supposed to be emitting a slightly silver vapor it was instead billowing acrid purple smoke. Snape publicly chastised me and vanished my potion before telling me that it wasn't worth his time for me to stay for the rest of class so I may as well leave. I probably should have been mad at him, it was a bit rude, but I didn't care. All I could think of was that fowl woman and how terribly tired I was.

I swept my things up and stormed out of the dungeon as well. I took my things up to my dormitory and them away. I should have taken the sudden bit of free time to work on some homework, but instead I washed my face and combed my hair attempting to calm myself down. I was still angry when it was done, and the cool water had done nothing to calm my rising temperature. If anything I actually felt hotter, so I changed into capris and a light t-shirt. When that didn't work either I gave up and decided I must be running a fever and I would just have to ride it out.

Umbridge had so considerately planned the detention for right during dinner, so I went down to her office rather than hurrying off to assuage the hunger in my belly. That made me even angrier, and did nothing to help my temperature. I was so mad that I was seriously nervous about losing control of my temper in the detention and earning myself another. I took a deep breath in an effort to calm myself before knocking on the door.

"Come in," her sickly sweet voice called.

I entered the room, and tried not to scoff at all of the ugly cats. She was sitting behind her desk, and frankly it was hard to focus on her with all of those damn cats moving about on their plates. It might have been less disturbing if they were real kittens. She pointed to a desk she had put in front of hers. It had parchment and a strange looking quill on it. It looked like I would be doing lines.

"I didn't bring any ink with me," I said quietly after I sat down.

"Oh you won't be needing any ink," she said with one of her strange little laughs.

"Okay…" I trailed. "What am I writing?"

"I think we will have you write, 'I will respect my superiors' tonight," she said quietly.

"How many times?" I asked.

"Until it sinks in," she said vaguely.

I tried to stifle another annoyed scoff and picked up the strange metallic quill she had provided. It felt cool against my skin, which would have been a relief if it weren't so odd to look at. I started to write, and I was surprised when it did write without ink. Perhaps it was modeled after a muggle pen. The ink was red, though I was surprised to see it seemed to burn the parchment just slightly when it made contact. It felt as if my hand were burning as well.

I looked down at it, and I gasped when I saw that the words were appearing on the back of my hand. It looked like they had been carved into my skin, but again the edges looked scorched. This made me so incredibly angry that I could hardly breathe. His woman found it acceptable to maim her students? I felt rage boil up in me as I thought about it, and to my surprise the paper below my hand began to smoke.

I stared at it, my anger failing to abate, and the words grew more scorched on the paper as well as my hand. I looked up at Umbridge who was smirking from her desk and I completely lost any semblance of temper control left within me. I glared at her, trying to bite back the harsh words building inside of me and failing.

"You are insane," I shouted at her.

My temper boiled over as I tossed the quill aside. When I had completely exploded into anger, the paper below my hand followed suit and burst into flames. I jumped back from the desk, knocking my chair over, and drawing her attention fully to me.

"What have you done?" she asked, glaring at the flames and brandishing her wand to extinguish them.

"What had I done?" I scoffed at her. "What are you doing? Is this the punishment you give to everyone?"

"I hardly think that is your business young lady," she said, straightening up to try and look taller.

"I think I will make it the headmaster's business," I shouted at her towering over her for a second just to make the point that she was tiny before storming out of the room.

I imagined that I was quite the sight as I stomped through the corridors and straight up to the headmaster's office. I found myself standing in an empty office however and actually shrieked in anger. I paced back and forth for a few minutes and when it didn't do anything to help my mood I marched over to stand in front of Fawkes who was preening himself on his perch.

"Alright let's hear it buddy," I said, trying to soften my voice so it didn't sound like I was yelling at him. "How do you always seem so calm huh?"

He tiled his head to the side and looked at me like I was insane.

"I don't get it you know?" I sighed. "It's all so random. I mean sometimes I get mad and nothing happens. Today I get mad and I have some random fever and start a fire. What is that?"

He crooned a soft note at me.

"When is the last time you accidentally set something on fire?" I asked him. "How do you have it so put together?"

"You know, he can' actually speak English," Albus said, causing me to whip around and face him.

"Where have you been" I shouted at him, my anger boiling over again. "Sorry. I shouldn't yell. But I am just so very angry."

"I gathered that," he said calmly, motioning for me to take a seat in front of his desk. "Why don't you tell me what is going on."

"That woman is vile!" I shouted before I broke into an explanation of what had happened.

"Intriguing," he said, tapping his finger against his chin. "I wonder why no other students have come to tell me about this."

"Well as far as I can tell, Harry is the only other student who has gotten detention," I aid sharply. "He obviously isn't going to come talk to you about it when he thinks that you hate him."

"I do not hate Harry Potter," he sighed.

"I know that. You know that," I pointed out. "But Harry is fifteen, think you are amazing, and doesn't understand why you suddenly won't even speak to him."

"I can't take the risk, you know that," he sighed.

"I know that," I growled at him, my anger spiking again. "He is the one who doesn't get it. Look I should go. I think I have a fever, and I am clearly too irritable to be friendly tonight."

"Tae a cool shower," he called after me as I would leaving. "It should help with the temperature spikes."

"Thank you," I sighed. "I love you."

"I love you too," he called after me before I closed the door.

-`-'-

Saturday of the first weekend at school came and I was surprised to have a post owl land in front of me. Who would be sending me mail? I took the small rectangular box from the owl's foot and looked it over. It was about the size of a business card, though it was an inch deep and wrapped in black shinning paper. I peeled the paper off and saw that there was a wooden ring sitting on top of what appeared to actually be a business card. I picked up the ring, flipping it over in my hand to investigate it. The wood was in two shades, just like my wand, and it looked quite pretty. I looked at the note in the box wondering who had sent this and I saw that the top was blank. I plucked it out of the box, assuming it must be upside down.

"No," I moaned, terror bubbling up inside of me, when the paper lit up with a blue light and I could not release it.

For a moment I just saw Hermione and Harry looking at me in panic, and then the great hall was gone. I flew through space, my breathing quickly transitioning into hyperventilation, and when my feet met the ground once more I toppled over unable to hold back my terrified scream.

"Don't touch me, don't touch me," I screamed as I curled up in a ball, one hand gripped tightly around the ring while the other reached into my pocket for my wand.

The portkey lay forgotten on the ground beside me, and my eyes locked on it in terror. I couldn't believe it had happened to me again. When no spell or blow hit me I tried to take in the room around me and I realized it was far too bright for me to be in the dungeon again. With a start I realized that I recognized the mostly wooden room I was in. This was the back of Olivander's shop. I sat up, still breathing heavily, and stared at him standing on the other side of his work bench clutching his chest in surprise.

"Well that is not at all the entrance I expected." He said softly as he gathered his composure. "What did you think was happening dear girl?"

"It… it was a portkey," I gasped. "I though… I thought that I was being sent back. I thought Voldemort had me again."

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea," he said, and he looked so contrite that I believed he really had no idea of how upsetting his portkey would be. "I wanted you to test my prototype. Albus assured me it was okay to have you come in this weekend."

"He should have perhaps mentioned how disturbing an unexpected portkey would be," I pointed out, slowly regulating my breathing as I pulled myself up off of the dusty floor. "So this ring, it's a wand?"

"Yes," he said with a smile. "I'm still not sure of how it will work. I made it with the very same materials as your wand, so that it was more likely to be a match for you. Do you want to give it a try?"

"Yes I do," I said, my excitement growing as my fear dwindled.

"Put it on your wand hand," he instructed. "And just try a simple spell."

I did as he said, and then I tried to perform a levitation charm. I moved my hand just like I would if their were a wand in it and I managed to blow up his counter top. He quickly cast a stasis charm to freeze all of the debris and then he tilted his head to the side, staring at the ring.

"The power is there," he mused. "But something is off. Maybe you cannot say the spell aloud when you do it?"

I tried it nonverbally, but then nothing happened. I was forced to admit I had only successful performed.

"I'm not good enough," I sighed. "I can't do nonverbal magic."

"Well, it could be that your magic is not developed enough yet," he said, rubbing his pointer finger over his lip while he stared at my hand. "Or it could be it isn't a match for you. Have you notice any issues with your wand? Any changes?"

"No it is just a powerful as it has always been," I told him, producing it from within my robes. "It responds to me easily. I've been hesitant to use it though."

"Did you reject it?" he asked me carefully.

"Not exactly," I said, feeling guilty due to the look he was giving me. "I just didn't ask for it back. I didn't want it for a while."

"The chimera can be very temperamental," he said quietly, turning to look at his many baskets of wand making materials. "You have the power to continue exerting control over the wand that chose you, but with this new wand I think we will need something else."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break the magical connection," I sighed.

"Do not apologize for an honest reaction," he said with a penetrating gaze that made me feel as if he were reading my mind. "I don't fancy an experience that tempts me to give up magic entirely."

"I wouldn't want to repeat it," I admitted with a barely controlled shudder.

"Would you allow me to try again," he asked. "So long as I do not surprise you with another portkey?"

"Yes, I think I'd like that," I told him. "I think I've probably caused a bit of a scene back at school though. Could you send me back?"

"Of course," he said with a smile, turning his wand on the forgotten slip of paper on the ground.

It glowed blue, and I snapped it up off the floor. I disappeared with a swoop and reappeared rather quickly in the now somewhat empty great hall. Harry was still sitting at the table, his face as pale as the paper clutched in my hand, and he choked out a gasp of relief when he saw me.

"Where were you?" he whispered in a pained voice. "I thought… I thought he had gotten you again."

"So had I," I admitted. "But it was Olivander. He had a surprise lesson for me. I'm going to apprentice with him. He won't ever summon me like that again though."

"Still, I've realized now how easy it would be for someone to snatch you away from me," he whispered. "I don't think you should open your mail without testing it somehow. It should be filtered."

"You might be right," I whispered back, reaching out to squeeze his hands between mine and try to calm him. "I will talk to Albus."


	55. Chapter 55

_Dear Anonymous reviewer, please look up the definition of fiction. Also consider the fact that no one is likely to consider your opinion on writing when you cannot even spell._

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: Vox Populi by 30 Seconds to Mars**_

* * *

Albus must have gone to have a conversation with Umbridge about the detention she had set for me, and likely for Harry, and that conversation must not have gone very well. At least that was what I inferred from the Daily Prophet professing her as the first ever High Inquisitor of Hogwarts. It had clearly been the ministry's way of attempted to interfere further at Hogwarts. Umbridge now had legal permission to whittle away at the practices of Hogwarts.

On top of that added stress, Hagrid still hadn't returned to the castle. I knew that he was supposed to be off with the Giants, but he should have been home by now. Not being able to tell the others while they fretted over it made it even harder to deal with. IT was a game of waiting, and it was very hard. Waiting to hear if he had been successful, waiting to hear if he hadn't been, and waiting to hear if he had died. Every time I had a lesson with someone in the order I pushed for information, but they never had any to give me.

Umbridge had begun inspection all of the teachers, as if she had any idea what made a good teacher. Some of the inspections were not going well, and I was seriously concerned about what would happen when it came time for her to evaluate Hagrid, and he wasn't present. I heard second hand that her evaluation of Trelawney had been an absolute train wreck. It was strange, because most people did not like her, but Umbridge thrashing her made so many people defensive. Hogwarts was uniting in a way it had not before. I found I would have liked to set Umbridge's office on fir, if only to keep her evil from spreading. I had a feeling that would only earn me more detentions.

Watching McGonagall get evaluated was at least entertaining. She was strong enough both emotionally and intellectually to put up a good fight. Not to mention talented enough that no one really had to worry about her being sacked. I enjoyed watching her spin Umbridge one way and then the other without technically being disrespectful. My entertainment lasted until something about the way McGonagall moved inexplicably reminded me of Cedric, and I had to fight off tears.

* * *

I got my answer as to what would happen the Care of Magical Creatures post was examined the very same day. Umbridge showed up and did her examination of Grubby-plank. All of her questions followed a similar line, and it irritated me to no end. She wasn't examining her teaching so much as trying to find out where Hagrid was. It was a good thing that Grubby-plank was so professional, not to mention that she didn't actually know the answer to the questions.

What even throughout the week was the most excited came down to a tie for me though. On the one hand, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were plotting to create a secret society of their own to teach themselves and others defensive magic, but then on the other hand my next lesson for getting up to speed with the Order was with Albus. Together he and I were practicing something I had been very interested in since July. We were trying to recreate the flame travel I had done this summer.

At first we talked about the theory quite a bit, and what we assumed the mechanics must be. Granted, we were theorizing on a subject that no one had ever been educated on, so it was confusing at best. We talked about what I had been feeling when I had traveled the last time, but we couldn't easily recreate that level of emotion. We tried equating it to the idea of apparating, but that wasn't as helpful as I had hoped it would be. I managed to produce a cracking sound and wobble on the spot, but we weren't working on actual apparition so I was going in the wrong direction. We went back to talking about the emotion theory, and focused heavily on that. Since we couldn't recreate everything I was feeling that night, so we just tried to focus on intense emotion.

Since it had been so strong in me lately, I chose anger. I focused on the anger I had been feeling lately and I tried to channel the energy that came from it. I thought about the anger, and I thought about wanting to be on the other side of the room. I focused as hard as I could, and I managed to emit a burst of flame. It wasn't strong enough for me to travel anywhere but it was apparently strong enough to set a nearby table on fire. I quickly put out the fire and then kicked the table in frustration.

"Why can't I do this?" I groaned in defeat.

"You just need more practice," Albus said in a soothing voice, but the look in his eyes suggested that he was trying to tell me something else. "That's why we're having these remedial lessons."

"Yes professor," I said stiffly, bowing my head just slightly so I could peak behind me while pretending to be a dutiful student. "I apologize for losing my temper."

"I didn't realize you offered individual lessons for your students," Umbridge said from behind me.

"All of our remedial lessons are offered individually," Albus said quietly, and I turned so I could see her fully. "It is proven the best method in preserving the student's self-esteem while still helping them to learn."

"I was under the impression that Ms. Potter was supposed to be an above average student," Umbridge said a bit harshly.

"I struggle with transfiguration," I said, trying to look appropriately abashed. "I'm taking remedial lessons in it so that I can have a chance at passing my OWLs this year."

"Shouldn't Professor McGonagall be handling such a lesson?" Umbridge pushed.

"She normally would be," Albus provided quickly. "She is however under the weather this evening, and I did previously hold the post of Transfiguration Professor."

"Well I hope she feels well again soon," Umbridge said in a poor attempt at a caring voice. "Perhaps I should stop in and see how she is doing"

"I think we both know how well that would go," I scoffed. "I'm sorry that was a bit out of line. What I meant was, most people do not treasure interruptions while they are unwell unless they have explicitly asked for your presence."

"You and your brother seem to have a difficult time being respectful to your superiors," she snapped. "You need to work on that."

"Elders," Albus said softly. "They need to respect their elders. We are not their superiors."

She clucked her tongue and turned on her heal to storm out of the room. I watched after her for a minute before turning my attention back to Albus. He looked thoughtful, and I imagined he was thinking about what Albus had just said.

"Is she really sick?" I asked curiously.

"No, she is on duty," he said quickly. "You do need to work on keeping your temper in check with Dolores. It won't do to draw extra attention to yourself right now."

"I will try harder," I said guiltily, dropping my gaze to the ground.

"That is all I can ask," he said with a small smile in his voice. "Please don't practice today's lesson without supervision. Instead work on your last lesson again until next week. I believe your next lesson shall be with Severus."

"Okay," I said quickly. "You should know that the others are planning something in response to Umbridge refusing to teach us. They haven't made a final plan, but I will keep you posted."

"Thank you," he nodded. "If you can assure that they keep it quiet, I would appreciate it."

"Of course," I said with a smile. "Goodnight."

I left without waiting for his response. I was tired, cranky, and I just wanted this day to be over. It wasn't the first time I had felt this way, and it probably wouldn't be the last. Tonight I just wished that I had someone to hold me, to talk to me about how things wouldn't be this hard forever, someone to just love me. I wanted Cedric.

* * *

The trio finally did make a decision about what they wanted to do, and Dumbledore's Army was born. I of course joined, but when I went to tell Albus I discovered a little hex that Hermione had failed to mention. The second the words were out of my mouth, a series of purple pustules erupted on my face creating the word SNEAK. Apparently she had either hexed or jinxed the parchment we had all signed.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," I growled as Albus held up a mirror for me to see and tried valiantly not to laugh. "I swear I am going to chop of her hair or something equally as annoying."

"Oh no, don't fly off the handle," he said, letting a small giggle escape. "We can sort it out fairly easily."

"And how might we do that?" I laughed a bit hysterically. "I don't even know that jinx this is, or if there is even a counter for it."

"It looked to be a modified Furnunculus hex," he said plainly, as he took out his wand. "I think I know just what to do. Accio boil cure tincture."

One of the doors on the cabinet on the far wall flopped open and a small black jar came whizzing out only to land in his hand. He gestured for me to sit down in the chair beside him, and then took the top off of the jar. I sat down, and he began to carefully apply the tincture to my face. I breathed shallowly through my nose to keep from wincing when he touched the tender boils, and he refrained from laughing at how ridiculous I must look right now.

We let the tincture seep into my skin for a while, and it did relieve a good chunk of the swelling, but my face was still red and you could still clearly read the word SNEAK on my face. It was not as if I could return to Gryffindor tower like that. So he applied a second coat, and we waited.

We had to go through the routine several more times before my face was completely back to normal. It felt like I would never get the oil out of my pores, and I was dreadfully tired. By the time my face was free of blemishes the sun was coming back up, and I had to get ready for another day of class. I made a bee line back to the tower, hoping that a shower would help with the oily feeling I couldn't kick as well as waking me up for another day.

* * *

To say that the day had been long was an understatement. I was so tired as I trudged through my classes that I could barely focus. I snapped easily at anyone stupid enough to speak to me. People tried to be patient with me, but I could tell that I was wearing on them as well. I should have felt back, but instead I just felt angry that they were upset with me. I wanted to shout at them about how much pressure I was under, how tired I was, how desperately alone I felt, but I couldn't. I couldn't tell them anything because everything in my life had somehow become a secret.

After a particularly taxing day of classwork, I would have liked very much to crawl into bed, but I had to sit and do at least part of my ridiculous stack of homework. I was still sitting at a table in the corner of the common room, struggling my way through my work, when Ron and Harry returned from Quidditch practice. Ron sat down at my table, and I did my best to ignore him and focus on my herbology essay. Even if he was staring at me somewhat pointedly.

"Will you tell me why you are down here doing homework instead of sleeping?" he asked me quietly.

"This essay is due tomorrow," I said somewhat snappily. "I can't go to bed until I finish it."

"You've been on the edge of drifting off all day," he said quietly. "If you go to bed now, you can get up early tomorrow and finish it. Only someone as crazy as Hermione would keep pushing themselves this hard. A couple of OWLS won't make this worth it."

"It's not just about OWLs," I grumbled, and then immediately wished I hadn't.

"What's it about then?" he asked, leaning forward as if he could pull the answer out of me.

"Nothing," I breathed shakily, completely surprised to feel a burning sensation in my eyes that told me tears were coming. "I'm just tired."

"But you've been tired all year," he pointed out delicately. "What makes today different."

"Nothing… today isn't special," I sighed. "I don't even know what day it is anyway."

"It's just a Monday I guess," Ron said. "That why I don't get it."

"We're almost to Christmas break," I breathed, trying to fight off the tears that were slowly building up in my eyes, tightening my chest in a very uncomfortable way. "I just have to make it to break and then I can catch up on my sleep."

"We've still got almost a month of term left," Ron pointed out quietly. "If this is what is what you look like now, are you going to make it three weeks?"

"Ron why are you pushing this," I sighed, swiping angrily at my face when the traitorous tears feel free. "I'm just tired. I want to be left alone."

"Are you crying?" he asked in a whisper. "Just talk to me."

"I just… I feel like I'm falling to pieces," I sighed through the tears. "But if I just sleep it will be better. So I need to finish this essay, and then I can."

"Let me finish it," he suggested. "Your marks might be rubbish, but you can get some sleep."

"Ron," I breathed. "No. I can do it."

"No you can't," he said quietly, pulling the essay off of the table. "I know you don't want to talk to me about what is going on, and I won't make you. But you _are_ going to bed right now."

"Okay," I sighed shakily, giving up. "Don't finish the essay though. Sprout would know it wasn't me. I will do it in the morning."

"Okay," he said with a small smile. "See you tomorrow."

I left my things with Ron and headed for the dormitory. I could tell that the people still sprinkled about the common rom were staring at me, but I couldn't control myself. I hurried up to bed and hastily yanked the curtains closed around me. I shoved my face into the pillow, and then I cried until I thought there would be no tears left to cry ever again. I tried not to think about Ron while I cried, but I couldn't seem to stop myself. I could feel myself letting Ron slip into a place in my heart that had been left vacant by Cedric's death, but I knew that I shouldn't. I shouldn't because Ron would never see me that way. I shouldn't because it was a disservice to Cedric's memory to even think of another man. I knew I wasn't fantasizing about him in a romantic way. It was an emotional connection I was feeling, but it still felt lecherous. I fell asleep with the guilt smothering me and tears still wet on my cheeks.

* * *

I threw myself into my studies, trying not to notice anyone, let alone Ron. I spent all of my time with my school work, and extra work assigned to me by the Order. When I added in the meetings for Dumbledore's Arm, my scheduled was fully booked, and I was too busy to worry about anything else. We were meeting in the Room of Requirement, and it was a good room, but it felt like a very personal punishment for having thought maybe Ron was filling a void for me. Every time I entered that room I had to fight to keep from crying, let alone keeping a smile on my face. So on top of everything else, I added mental lashings to my list of things to do any time I had the chance.

As the term wore on I found myself talking to Cedric aloud when I was getting ready for bed, or while I was in the shower. Each time I was alone I would start talking to him, and I was starting to really worry about my sanity. Not that I was willing to talk to anyone about it. I didn't want to acknowledge that perhaps after everything I was finally starting to lose my mind. I didn't want to tell my friends because of how they would look at me, and I didn't want to tell the others because they might force me to step down from the Order, and I _needed_ to be a part of it.

So instead I focused on practicing the spells that Harry was teaching in the D.A. and the spells that the Order members were teaching me in my private lessons, and of course the spells I was learning in my regular classes. I had mastered the disarming spell so it wasn't a problem. The silencing spell had taken me some time but I had gotten it. The disillusionment charm had given me trouble, but I had perfected it as well. Finally, I had managed to produce a corporeal patronus, and surprisingly it had taken the form of an owl. I had though it would be a phoenix.

I had more meetings with Albus to try and control my flame travel, but I had yet to be successful. Snape was working on teaching me how to send speech with my patronus now that I could produce a corporeal one. I even got Hermione to teach me the protean charm she had used on the coins we used to communicate meetings for the D.A.

* * *

I kept my head so far buried into my books that I nearly missed the first Quidditch match of the year. If it weren't for the growing tensions in the corridors it would have slipped by my entirely. But nearly being smashed into the wall by quarrelling group of Gryffindor and Slytherin boys tended to grab your attention even if you had your face buried in a book.

The sudden attention to what was going on around me drew my attention to other things. Such as the fact that I had several quills sticking out of the tangled mop masquerading as my hair as well as ink stains on my hands and face. I made an effort to clean up my appearance, and then I dressed in my old Gryffindor sweater and headed down to the match with everyone else.

I sat with Lynda during the math, though I would never admit out loud that I did so because I felt slightly more sane in comparison to her own eccentricities. Her strange inability to understand the world around her and how they saw her was easily demonstrated in the overgrown lions head she wore as a hat for the match. Her hat kept roaring and making people stare at her strangely, so I felt very sane in my simply gold and scarlet scarf and mittens.

The match was intense, as matches between Gryffindor and Slytherin always were. The green and black team looked like a bunch of brutes, and they were playing the part to perfection. Ron looked like he was on the verge of vomiting for the entire match, and that was not helped on by the rather nasty song Slytherin was singing about him. Harry managed to catch the snitch early in the game, and thus Ron was saved from further humiliation. Ron was my friend, and I cared about home deeply, but I found myself wondering how he had gotten the position of keeper.

I thought the excitement would end with the match, but it didn't. I sat rooted to my seat, trying to control my rising temper when I saw Harry, Fred, and George get into a fight with a group of Slytherin players on the pitch. I couldn't hear what was said down on the pitch, but I could see the contorting facial expressions that told me it had been very rude. I was angrier with the intervention of Umbridge however. She abused her power yet again, and by the end of the night Gryffindor found itself with all three players involved in the fight permanently banned from play Quidditch. It was a death sentence that meant we had no shot at winning the Quidditch Cup now.

* * *

The bigger excitement came even later though. Hagrid finally returned from his journey, and I rushed down with Harry, Ron, and Hermione to see him. I wanted to check on him just as much as they did, but I also needed to collect information and send it back to Albus since Hagrid was incapable of sending a patronus up to Albus on his own. Not to mention going straight up to Albus would draw undue attention from Umbridge.

Hagrid was very much worse for the wear. He looked like he had been thrashed by one of the giants. When we arrived he was nursing his face with a slab of dragon meat, but I couldn't see how it was doing him any good. It took a bit of coercion, but he eventually told us about what he had been up to, after a subtle nodding of the head from me that this bit of information could be shared with the trio. He and Madam Maxine had done their best, but they had been unable to sway the giants to our side. There had been some sort of civil war and that had put a new Gurg in power who was strictly against us. If it came down to a fight most of the surviving giants would side with Voldemort and that was not good news for us. I think it was harder on Hagrid to have discovered his own mother's death and the circumstances around it while on such a delicate mission.

Our visit was cut short by Umbridge invading Hagrid's cabin to interrogate him about why he was just now getting back to the castle. It was a question I wanted answered myself since Madam Maxine had gotten home about a month ago, but I couldn't stay to hear it without drawing attention myself.

So I went back to the castle with the group and I had to pretending that I was working on homework until the lot of them went to bed. Only when the common room was completely empty did I dare to cast my patronus and send it off to tell Albus everything I had learned from Hagrid, but also let him know that he would need to find out more about his late return as I had been unable to collect the information. When that was finally taken care of I made my way upstairs so I could go to sleep. It was while I was standing alone in the bathroom brushing my teeth that it occurred to me that I could have come up here earlier in the evening and cast the spell in the bathroom. I felt like an idiot as I climbed into bed, but I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Having Hagrid back for lessons was great. His first lesson was about the Thestrals, and it was nice to finally learn the more in-depth detail as about them rather than having a basic knowledge that left plenty of room for fear. It was also interesting, if not a little sad, to see who all could see them and who couldn't. It was perhaps a bid morbid, but I found I wanted to know who all had been touched by death. When Umbridge showed up to investigate Hagrid's teaching style all happy thoughts fled from my mind. She was utterly awful, and treated him like he was not even human. Of course the Slytherin students were all too willing to play alone.

I was so angry at what she was doing that I could barely stand still. I certainly couldn't string coherent speech together. I was so made that I could actually feel my temperature spiking into the fever I had felt before. I thought I could keep it under control, but after a few second I noticed that steam seemed to be rising off of my robes in the cold air. Clearly this was going to be a problem.

"Professor Hagrid," I interrupted the lesson, drawing my arms over my stomach to face an illness. "I'm not feeling well. Could I please go up to the hospital wing?"

"Of course Bianca," he said quickly, his brow constricting with real concern. "Do you need help getting up to the castle?"

"No, I think I will be alright," I assured him softly. "Thank you."

I raced off after that. The last thing I needed was to burst into flames with an audience looking on. Especially an audience that included Dolores Umbridge. I made it all the way inside of the castle before it became a real issue. The wooden doors swung closed behind me and then flames erupted over my skin. In a flash of bright light that partially blinded me I heard rushing wings and I felt the sensation of movement. Then the light faded and I opened my eyes to find myself standing in front of a familiar desk with Albus standing on the other side staring at me. Unfortunately McGonagall was standing next to him looking extremely confused.

"I am very glad you were successful," Albus said quickly, though he did not smile. "But I seem to remember specifically telling you not to practice without supervision."

"I wasn't," I said as I patted myself down, nervous that I might still be on fire somewhere. "I just got so very angry! It was completely out of my control."

"It's a step though," he said cheerfully. "We know it's triggered by strong emotion, and now we know that it doesn't have to be fear. We can work with that."

"Excuse me," McGonagall interrupted. "Could someone please explain this to me? It's the second time I have seen a burst of flame that preceded the appearance of Bianca Potter. How is that even possible?"

"It's a very long story" I sighed. "The abridged version is that I have discovered some powers I have that the typical human does not. I am still working on controlling them."

"Okay…" she trailed, and I could see she wanted more answers. "How were you able to do that inside the ground?"

"I don't think my form of travel falls under the heading of apparition, so the wards don't really apply to me." I said with a small laugh. "Though I doubt it would even be possible to set them that way, since no one even knows what this is."

"That's very confusing," she said looking at Albus.

"We have all sorts of new and exciting things to deal with this year," he said with a smile. "We will figure them all out eventually."

"Can we try practicing," I interjected excitedly. "I really want to figure out how to do it at will. I don't want it to always be an accident."

"Soon," he soothed, and only then did I realize that I had interrupted something between the two of them. "For now I need to finish speak with Minerva about the Podmore situation and a few other things."

"Oh, okay," I agreed easily. "I should go change anyway, my robes smell like heat or something. I'm not sure I like the smell."

* * *

As winter break drew nearer things grew more difficult. It wasn't that my class load was actually heavier, but it felt like somehow it had grown ten times heavier. I hadn't gotten a chance to work on flame travelling with Albus, but I found myself oaky with that considering that I wasn't really up for it at the moment anyway. My grades weren't slipping yet, but I could feel it coming. It was like I was racing across a field of ice toward the edge of a cliff. I was scrambling to try and keep from flying off of it, but I was failing and I was eventually going to soar right off the side. For the life of me I couldn't figure out what was making life so difficult.

The Weasley's and harry disappeared in the night while I was sleeping. There were whispers of a family emergency but no one seemed to know the real story. I felt like I had been thrown into the lake without knowing how to swim once they were gone. I felt abandoned, and I was sure the icy cliff was now a downhill slope sending me quickly to my death. I was suddenly desperate for Ron, as if he could make everything better, and that only made me feel worse.

I was spinning out, unable to focus, snapping at people at the drop of a hat. Classes ended, and I went to see Albus. I demanded to know where everyone was. I stormed about his office demanding to know everything and ranting and raving at him like a crazy person. When he could finally get a word in edge wise, he explained everything to me, and I should have been relieved to know but I wasn't. I was just more desperate. Why had I been left behind? Why would I not have been told anything?

"Can I go see them now?" I rushed.

"Of course," he said quietly "If you are agreeable, I would like for you to spend Christmas break at Headquarters, as I have to travel some Order related research. If that doesn't work, you could stay with Minerva."

"Headquarters," I answered immediately. "Now."

"Very well," he said, pointing his wand at a pen on his desk. "Portus."

It started to glow blue and he gestured to it with a smile.

"have a very happy Christmas," he whispered to me as I reached out to snatch the pen without my usual hesitation when a portkey was involved.

I felt the pull behind my navel and I was whisked out of the room. I found myself once again in the kitchen of Grimmauld place. This time it was the Weasley family in the room, and they were putting up Christmas decorations. They were singing Christmas carols with Sirius. It was a joyous atmosphere. It should have lifted me up, but it didn't. I felt like I was being doused in cold water. Everyone was so happy, even when someone they loved was in the hospital. And yet I was drowning. What was wrong with me?


	56. Chapter 56

_**Song for this chapter: The Scientist by Coldplay**_

* * *

"Bianca," Mrs. Weasley greeted cheerfully when she saw me, setting down the tinsel she was working with. "No one told us you were coming today. Have you eaten yet?"

"I-I'm not hungry," I stammered, embarrassed to feel tears burning my eyes. "You can't, you can't just abandon me like that."

"I'm sorry sweetheart," she said, coming closer so she could put her hand on my shoulder. "We were just overwhelmed here. We didn't mean to lose you in the shuffle."

"I just, I just," I stuttered at her, not really knowing what I was even trying to say.

"Shhh," she soothed, pulling me into a warm embrace. "It's okay. You're okay. You're home now."

"I'm not crazy," I whimpered into her shoulder. "I'm not."

"We know that sweetheart," she whispered softly into my hair. "You're just under a lot of stress. Have you even slept?"

"I… no… I don't even know," I sighed tiredly into her robes.

"Okay, well let's get you off to bed, and then when you wake up we'll get you something to eat," she said firmly as she turned me around and led me out of the kitchen. "And then we will all spend the evening together alright? I think Hermione is arriving tonight as well."

"Okay," I breathed, letting her lead me up to the bedroom I had used during the summer. "You guys can't leave while I'm asleep okay?"

"We won't go anywhere," she agreed quickly. "I promise."

She ushered me into the bedroom and shuffled me into bed. She pulled my shoes off and tucked me into the bed so tightly that I could not move. I was watching her, unable to just fall asleep. So she started to run her fingers through my hair, humming gently until I eventually drifted off.

* * *

When I woke that evening there was a present sitting on my bedside table. There were still a few days until Christmas, so I was a bit confused, but when I opened it I realized it was from Olivander. I saw that this time the wood he had used was Ebony, but I would not have known the core if he had not told me with a note in the bottom of the box. I was hesitant at first to grab it, but it was not a portkey this time, so I did not leave the room when I touched it. The note told me that the wood was indeed ebony, the core was hair of a thestral, and that I was to contact him after attempting nonverbal magic with it.

I stared at it for a long time, and it took me ages to realize why I was hesitant to put it on. I needed to put it on my non-wand hand, and putting it on my pointer finger like I had the last time felt wrong. But for me to put it on my ring finger I would have to remove the promise ring that Cedric had given me. It did feel like I would ever be able to part that ring from my hand, and yet by leaving it in place I was limiting myself wasn't I?

I spent what felt like an eternity staring at the ring on my hand with tears streaming down my face, but eventually I slid it from my hand. I stared at it with blurred vision as the tears came quicker, but I knew I would not put it back. This was a big step for me, and I would not allow myself to step backward now that I had done it. So instead I removed the locket Albus had given me from around my neck and I slid the ring onto the chain so it hung by the heart that held my parents pictures. It looked nice there. I put the necklace back on, and wiped my tears away before putting the wooden ring in place on my left hand.

I did not try any spell, as I still hadn't mastered any nonverbal magic yet. Instead I just tried to grow accustomed to the slight warmth created with the ring close to my skin. It was strange, and yet it was comforting. I kept the ring on my hand when I went do to join the others for dinner.

* * *

There were still a few day until Christmas, and everyone was cleaning and decorating around the place. I followed them around to help, but the Christmas cheer didn't seem to be getting through to me. Even Harry was cheerful, and from what I had heard he'd locked himself in his room for days due to his own gloomy feelings. I couldn't understand why I couldn't absorb some of the cheer. Instead I was still afraid that they were going to leave me. I felt alone. I was feeling too many things. It made me crazy. I couldn't even carry on a conversation without stuttering or babbling nonsense anymore. I sounded like I needed to be in a nuthouse.

* * *

On Christmas morning I woke up with tears streaming down my face I didn't even bother to brush them away as I sat in my bed staring at the stack of presents on the floor. I couldn't care less about those presents as I sat swaddled in my blankets sobbing my heart out. It wasn't until my breathing became labored and difficult, and I looked around for someone to match it too, that I realized what had even upset me. I needed Cedric to tell me to match his breaths and to calm me down, but he wasn't here. And today was the worst, because this day last year, was the day that I had given myself to him entirely. And here I was alone, so alone.

I felt really confused about everything because while I was spinning out of control because of Cedric, I was also plagued with thoughts of Ron. It felt obvious that Ron didn't and couldn't see me that way, and I knew that I shouldn't be seeing him that way either. He was one of my closest friends. He was my brother's best friend in the whole world. This needed to stop.

Someone knocked on the door while I was still crying. I tried to pull myself together, wiping at my face and trying to regulate my breathing. I didn't want to look a mess when I let whoever it was come in, so I finger combed my hair as well and tried to force a smile onto my face.

"Come in," I croaked, and the door slowly slid open.

"Happy Christmas," Sirius said as he peaked his head in, and he had the decency to act is everything were perfectly normal.

"Happy Christmas," I shuddered, fighting off the urge to burst into tears once more.

"The others are talking about going in to London to see Arthur," he explained. "If you want to go, you should probably get dressed. If you don't want to go, you could spend the day here with me."

He walked the rest of the way into the room and I saw that he had brought me some Christmas lunch. I looked at my watch, and realized that I had been up here crying for half of the day already. I scooted over to make room so he could sit next to me with the lunch. He sat on the edge of the bed and handed me the tray.

"Thanks," I snuffled. "I was too much of a mess to come down for lunch."

"Holidays can be difficult," he said softly, leaning back against the headboard and waiting rather than pushing me to talk about what I was upset about. "I think everyone understands."

"It's frustrating," I sighed, taking a bite of the eggs. "I want to be happy today, but I feel like I just can't."

"You can't force yourself to feel something," he said with a gruff smile. "You just have to feel what you are feeling."

"There are so many things that I shouldn't be feeling though," I sighed shakily, and I knew I was about to start crying again. "I just feel so guilty."

"Why do you feel guilty?" he asked as he nicked a bit of toast off my tray.

"Well… I mean Cedric isn't here," I sighed, brushing away the new tears that started to fall. "And today, a year ago anyway, was a really big day for us. And I miss him, I do, but I'm also feeling something for someone else. So I feel like I'm cheating or something."

"Have I ever talked to you about what the first war was like?" he asked quietly.

"No," I coughed out, scrubbing at my eyes.

"It started out a lot like this one," he explained. "A big different is that last time I wasn't alone. I had my friends of course, but I also had Marlene McKinnon. Even now, fourteen years later, I miss her. But I still notice other women."

"You were with McKinnon?" I asked surprised. "How did you? I mean her whole family was…"

"Sometimes I still don't know how I got through it," he said honestly. "Each day it feels different, but I can promise you that it gets a little bit better every day."

"Do you feel guilty if you notice someone else?" I asked him, too ashamed to make eye contact.

"Sometimes," he admitted with a soft shrug. "But I know that if I were to find someone else that I really wanted to be with, Marlene would want that for me. She wouldn't want me to be lonely. Cedric wouldn't want that for you either."

"I can't have the other person, even if Cedric would be okay with it," I whined a bit pitifully, rubbing my fingers over the ring that now hung from my neck. "It feels like it will smother me to feel this way when I shouldn't."

"May I ask who it is we are talking about?" Sirius asked, stealing another piece of toast.

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked childishly.

"I will take it to my grave," he swore, making a cross over his heart.

"It's Ron," I sighed, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. "And it just can't be Ron, but it is."

"Why can't it be Ron?" he asked as if he were asking me to solve a math problem.

"He's one of my best friends," I said quickly. "And his is my brother's very best friend."

"So you are worried about messing up the relationships you already have?" he asked.

"Yes," I admitted. "And I don't want to dishonor Cedric either. I don't know if I am really ready for another relationship."

"Those are good things to think about," he said plainly. "But don't let them hold you back either. At the end of the day, if this is what you really want you have to ignore all of the worries and just go for it."

"What if he doesn't want me back?" I asked softly.

"Then you have to pick yourself up and move on," he told me honestly. "You can't let it destroy you if that is what ends up happening."

"I don't know if I can take that risk," I sighed.

"You don't have to," he said with a shrug and a smile. "It's all up to you."

"When did you get so wise?" I chuckled, lightening the mood as I dug into my breakfast with much more gusto.

"Are you kidding?" he laughed. "I have been a genius since day one."

"Sure you have," I chuckled.

We carried on with small talk as I finished my Christmas lunch. The rest of them were gone for more of the day than I had expected, but it was still a nice day. After I finished my meal, I opened my presents. I had gotten quite a few nice things, though I wished I had been able to see the other people open what I had gotten them. Christmas had always been more about the giving for me. Sirius did seem to really like the skiving snack boxes I had gotten for him. He certainly laughed about tricking Kreacher into eating them for a long time.

Eventually everyone came home, and we spent the law few days of break together. I could slowly see the happiness leaking back out of Sirius, and I could understand where it was coming from. Unfortunately there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it. I was slightly preoccupied with trying to figure out my own feelings. I did finally cave and let myself write and sing a song about the whole mess. I only played it in my room while I was alone though. I wasn't willing to share it, in case someone figured _out what it was really about._

_There's a piece of me you can't have_

_And I know it's driving you mad_

_There's a part inside you can't reach_

_I'm afraid that's the way its gonna be_

_There's a part of you that wants to fight_

_But I never really had the appetite_

_I fear my feelings won't speak_

_Words are already taken upon the breeze_

_Wind is always blowing_

_Pieces falling from me_

_You can have them for free_

_Now it felt so complete_

_Pieces falling from me_

_Though you try your best you never find_

_There are pieces that are left behind_

_Last piece of the jigsaw_

_While the others are scattered across the floor_

_So you try to get them all up_

_There are pieces falling in the dust_

_There's a pile of ash we don't need_

_Leave it to be taken upon the breeze_

_Wind is always blowing_

_Pieces falling from me_

_You can have them for free_

_Now it felt so complete_

_Pieces falling from me_

_All this background noise_

_Its crowded_

_Never tell_

_Its half the reason why they're there_

_Its hard to make another plan_

_There's a fine line what you want and what you need_

_Standing right there in between_

_Never been there_

_Never_

_La la la la la_

_La la la la la_

_La la la la la_

_La la la la la_

_Laaa_

_Pieces falling from me_

_You can have them for free_

_Never felt so complete_

_Never be what you need_

_Something missing from me1_

_That I'll never complete_

_There the last ones complete_

_Pieces falling from me_

_(Gomez)_

* * *

Mr. Weasley finally got released just before we had to return for school. It was nice to see him healthy once more. The knowledge that he had been attacked so brutally while on duty made the work for the Order more real for me. I was still working mostly as an information collector at the castle, but when Snape came to inform Harry that he would be giving him occlumency lessons he let me know that would be a part of my lessons as well. If I were to be honest though, I would admit I was far more interested in legilimency than I was in occlumency. It would make me a valuable member if I could collect information that way. It however was not even a subject that was mentioned by most people, and I was starting to suspect that it might not be completely legal to use it without registering it with the ministry or something.

We took the Knight Bus back to school, and it was an experience I could pass up on in the future frankly. Then it was time for school once more. Having the time off did make it a little easier to keep up with my course load, but it was still a challenge. I would never tell her, because it would beget more scholarly gifts, but Hermione's homework planner really was a lifesaver. Though I did have to write a lot of my homework in code so when it shouted out my due dates at me it wouldn't give away any of my secrets.


	57. Chapter 57

_**Song for this chapter: Any Other Name by Thomas Newman**_

* * *

Ron was still completely oblivious to the fact that I was watching him more frequently as of late, which was quite the relief while I was still trying to decide if pursuing him was the right decision. I had plenty to distract myself with. Snape tried to do the first occlumency lesson with me shortly after the start of term, and we quickly discovered that it was unlikely it would be necessary. Even if I made a point not to think about keeping him out, he couldn't really get in when he tried legilimency on me. It appeared that having less than human origins had another magical bonus for me. We tried for a long time, and he eventually declared that we would not be practicing further.

"Do you think it would b possible for me to learn legilimency?" I asked tentatively when the lesson had ended.

"I'm not certain that would be a wise choice," he hedged. "It's a difficult practice, and it is closely monitored by the ministry. One is supposed to be registered with them if they have the skill."

"Are you registered with them?" I asked rather pointedly.

"No," he said flatly. "That would be a bit of an occupational hazard for me."

"So, it's just a double standard?" I pushed. "Or do you not trust me to use it wisely?"

"To be entirely honest, I think it's too risky to teach you uch a skill," he explained. "Should you have such a skill, the Order may ask you to use it, and I do not believe someone of your age should be put in such a position. It would put you at further risk."

He looked pained when he said it, but I couldn't place why.

"I've been put in many situation I probably shouldn't have," I said with a shrug, though my speech was still pointed. "O think that it would be unfair to say that I hadn't handled them as well as could be done."

"Yes it would," he agreed, still grimacing with some unknown pain. "Your mother would cringe to know the things you have been forced in to."

"My mother isn't here," I whispered, shocked by the turn of the conversation.

"I sometimes forget that," he admitted with a stone cold face, and then I understood. I looked just like my mother; it must be strange for him. "I will need to obtain permission from the headmaster before initiating such a lesson."

"Of course," I agreed quickly, suddenly very curious about how close he had been to my mother.

"And I will want to see that you have mastered both the aparecium and ferula charms before I will teach you anything else," he said, his firm teaching demeanor returning in full force.

"Of course," I said again.

"Alright then," he said quietly. "You are dismissed."

* * *

Things were growing pretty heated with the Order, and it wasn't long before I found myself called in for the first meeting I had actually attended in ages. It was an emergency meeting that was called, and we all had to provide excuses before disappeared to travel to headquarters. I told the trio that I was going to one of my remedial lessons and then I travelled to the meeting with Albus.

The meeting was to discuss the Bode situation further. I had known that he had been tricked into trying to grab the prophecy about Harry and had lost his mind, but it appeared that he had been murdered just as he started to get better. There was clearly a fear that he would speak about what he had seen. We also had to discuss the mass breakout of Azkaban. The ministry was trying to pin it on Sirius, and still trying to pretend that Voldemort was not back.

The duty shifts at the ministry were doubled up. Extra security measures were being added to the castle as well, and all of the members were being assigned rounds on the Hogwarts grounds while trying to remain hidden from Umbridge. I was finally given a duty assignment, though I was excepted to have a partner with me while I did it as I had not mastered all of the spells needed to be deemed entirely competent.

I returned to school with Albus sporting a greater determination to master every single spell I was being taught as quickly as possible. I wanted to graduate into full membership as soon as I could. I was fairly certain I would no longer need to worry about doing extremely well on any of my OWLs. I was just worried about surviving a major fight if that was where I found myself in the near future.

The lessons at the school had become unbearable. The teachers were ridiculously restricted by the newest decree, and could barely even talk to us in class. Umbridge was attending every single Divination and Care of Magical Creatures lesson. It was enough to make anyone want to scream. I wanted to punch her or something, but I had to keep my temper in check.

The last thing I could afford to do was earn another detention and demonstrate my strange fire abilities in my anger. The one good thing that came from all the anger building in me, combined with all the angst caused by Ron was that I could now easily tap into heightened emotions in my lessons with Albus. We hadn't completely mastered it yet, but I had managed to flame travel at my own will on several occasions now. Things were moving forward very well.

Topping the list of interesting developments had to be Harry giving an interview about what happened in the graveyard last year. I found it so interesting because of how completely closed off he had been about it for so long, and then just like that he gave an interview to the Quibbler. My brother was a very strange man.

* * *

I wasn't able to see as much of Ron as I would have liked as the second Quidditch match drew closer. I had taken to covertly watching him from afar, and If I were to show up to watch Quidditch practice it wouldn't have been very sneaky at all. All of the practices seemed to be pushing him in to a depression, and I wasn't sure how to bring him out of it. I was suddenly confused about where all the lines for our relationship fell now that I wanted something more than friendship. His depression got even worse when Gryffindor lost the match.

It appeared that something had gone wrong with Harry's lessons with Snape. First it seemed to have gone wrong because his dreams were actually increasing, and then it seemed to have gone wrong because Snape decided that he would teach me legilimency after all. Under the specific instruction that I should learn to do it silently so I could use it on Harry. This made me extremely uncomfortable, but I told him I would do it so he would teach me. Besides if I didn't' spy on Harry he wouldn't be able to weasel the truth out of me about it since I could completely deflect him from getting inside my mind.

Umbridge threw Professor Trelawney on her arse, but Albus saved her from being removed from the grounds. Things were getting even worse at the castle, and I was spurred on to learn legilimency more quickly so that I could try to use it on Umbridge. Maybe to find out what she would do next, or to find out what the ministries end game was. I was trying not to be distracted by the changes in professors or the new job I had of trying to look like I was actually learning things in the D.A. They were just starting to cover things I had mastered at the beginning of the year, but I couldn't let on that I had advanced beyond fifth year magic without giving away that I wasn't really taking remedial transfiguration. I was fairly certain however that Hermione suspected something in me.

* * *

It was during a session where I was pretending to just now be mastering the patronus charm when our D.A. meeting was interrupted by Dobby the house elf. He came rushing in to tell us that we were about to be interrupted by a much bigger problem. Umbridge was on her way with her newest creation, the inquisitorial squad, and they were out for blood.

As we all ran from the meeting, trying not to get caugt, I saw that most of the members were from Slytherin, and I couldn't help but laugh a bit about that. I made it out without being caught, but Harry did not. I dodged around a corner and out of the sight of the other D.A. members. I focused intensely on the mild panic I was feeling and stoked it up within my chest to use. I channeled the now full blown panic and then I burst into flames that allowed me to travel from the corridor to Albus's private chambers.

"She's caught the D.A. She's caught Harry," I informed the portrait on his wall. "She may have managed to obtain the list that has every single member of the D.A. on it. I believe she is on her way to this office."

"She si indeed on her way to his office," the portrait of the old wizard I still did not know the name of told me. "The minister and several aurors are in the office as we speak. You should get out of here before they hear you and come to investigate."

"Can you get him the message, or do you think it will be noticed if you try?" I asked.

"I will see what I can do," he said quickly. "Now get out of here.'

I focused and I flamed travelled to the girls dormitory. Luckily no one was there, though now that I thought about it I should have appeared somewhere more private to be safe. It looked like I had mastered the ability, but I was not a master of keep everything else straight just yet. I would need to talk to Albus about how to deal with the other things as soon as possible.

I received a patronus from McGonagall that night informing that Albus had taken entire responsibility for the D.A. and fled from the castle when the minister attempted to place him under arrest. She had already received word that Umbridge would be installed as the new headmistress in place of her, and informed me that all communication between Order members needed to be silenced until further notice except in the case of extreme emergency. My private lessons were being put on hold under the guise that I would need more time to study for my OWL exams.

Things became far more tense after that. The whole school seemed to be on edge. I couldn't talk to anything about what I was witnessing with Umbridge without drawing attention to my own position. She was calling students into her office for tea, and when they left she was brimming with new information about what was going on in the castle. I was suspicious of her so I started forcing eye contact with her anytime I could. I would carry on ridiculous conversations about the theory of defensive magic, and while doing it I would try to rifle through her mind without being noticed. I knew that she was slipping veritaserum to the students, and I took the risk to contact Severus when I was certain.

It was almost directly after that discovery that Harry went and got himself banned from Occlumency lessons. He was telling everyone that Snape said he didn't need the lessons anymore, but I knew better. He was lying. The guilt radiating off of him was so thick it could suffocate a girl. He had done something to Snape, something that violated what little trust existed between the two of them. I just didn't know what he did for sure. I didn't push him on it though; he was clearly struggling with whatever it was.

The school year was taking forever to wrap up. I normally wasn't so focused on when summer was coming, but this year was awful. I wanted to take my OWLs, I wanted to get back to headquarters, I wanted to see Albus again, and I wanted to get away from Ron for a while before I gave in an pursued him. I didn't want to feel like I was betraying Cedric, and I certainly didn't want to face the rejection that was sure to come from Ron. The only distraction on the horizon for me was the career advisement meetings that we were being scheduled for.

I sat with Hermione in the common room and looked at the pamphlets we had been given. They were more detailed than the ones we had seen before our third year. I got an idea while I was working with Hermione, though it was contingent on my meeting with McGonagall being supervised. If it wasn't, I would just be upfront and talk about my intentions to apprentice with Olivander. But if Umbridge showed up like I expected her too, I was going to do my very best to get under her skin in the easiest way possible. So I went to the meeting feeling a bit devious.

"Good afternoon," I greeted as I came into McGonagall's office, trying not to let an evil smile slip when I saw that Umbridge was in fact there.

"Good afternoon Ms. Potter," McGonagall said a bit stiffly. "Take a seat."

I could feel Umbridge staring at me, and I was certain she was trying to see if I would act familiarly with McGonagall. I would need to be very professional to avoid giving away a more complex relationship than teacher and student.

"As you know we are meeting today to discuss career ideas and aspirations you might have, and to help you to choose which classes to continue on with for the next two years," McGonagall explained. "Have you given it thought?"

"Yes," I answered. "For a while I thought I wanted to go into wand making, but lately I have been thinking I would like to be a teacher."

"That requires some specialized study," she said, not bothering with the stack of pamphlets on her desk. "You need at the very minimum four NEWTs, but the current protocols set by the headmaster require you to have at least seven."

She was forced to pause when Umbridge cleared her throat, clearly having an issue with a reference to Albus as the person in charge rather than her. We both ignored her.

"You need exceeds expectations in all of them, but you need an outstanding in the subject you wish o teach," she went on. "What subject do you wish to pursue?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," I answered quickly, reveling in the sharp intake of breath behind me.

"You will need to continue on with Defense classes of course," she said as she dug through her papers. "Let's see, the classes you are currently enrolled in are Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Remedial Transfiguration, Astronomy, Ancient Runes, History of Magic, Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, Potions, Charms, and Arithmancy. That is a tightly packed schedule."

"Hem, hem." Umbridge's voice came from behind us.

"Would I need to continue on with all of those subjects?" I asked, trying to ignore the pest.

"No, you would only be required to continue with seven of them," McGonagall answered. "Though there are several that I think it would be unwise to drop."

"Hem, hem," Umbridge interjected again.

"Do you have a frog in your throat?" I snapped, turning to look at her, and hiding my amusement at her falling right into my trap behind a sneer.

"I thought it would be prudent to remind you that the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts is not open," she snipped.

"You might do well to remember that no Defense teach has lasted more than a year for quite some time," It old her as if she was a child. "I would wager that your days are numbered Professor Umbridge."

"Is that a threat?" she asked, puffing up like a bullfrog.

"No," I said quietly, pretending to look contrite. "It was a statement of fact. Professor McGonagall, would it affect me adversely if I were to drop arithmancy? I don't fancy the connections it has to divination, and I am really not a big fan of math."

"It should not affect your career pursuits," she said with the tiniest flash of a smirk. "Math however is an important skill."

"I can do math," I laughed. "I can even do complex math. I'm just saying I don't want to learn anymore math in relation to trying to predict the future."

"Very well," she said as she produced a fresh piece of parchment. "Which lessons will you be continuing with?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Ancient Runes, History of Magic, Astronomy, Charms, Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, and Potions," I listed off, counting them on my fingers. "And if everything goes according to plan that should leave me with nine NEWTs, plenty eligible for employment at Hogwarts."

"Should the post be open," Umbridge said tersely from behind me.

"Oh it will be," I said stiffly without turning to look at her. "But on the off chance that it isn't I am taking all the classes required for me to pursue an apprenticeship with a wand maker as well."

McGonagall and I shared a knowing look, and I knew that she now understood what my actual goal was.; both my goal in relation to my future career and my goal to rile up the stupid toad.

"You will need to do well in your OWLs to carry on in your classes," McGonagall said, trying to head off an argument. "You will need an outstanding to continue in potions, and exceeds expectations in just about everything else. I believe you only need an acceptable to continue on in Astronomy, but as your head of house I have higher expectations for you."

"Okay," I said with a bright smile. "I think I can do that."

"Very well," she said with a nod. "I think that is all we need to discuss. Be sure you study hard for your exams."

I spent the rest of my day studying. I was reading through all of my notes from potions throughout the years. I had been working as hard as I could, but I couldn't be sure I knew enough to get an outstanding. I was in the middle of memorizing potion ingredients when I was interrupted by the ruckus of Fred and George dropping out of school. It seemed they had finally had enough, and they left with flair. Their lasting mark on the castle was a swamp they erected down the corridor to Umbridge's office.


	58. Chapter 58

_**Song for this chapter: Signal in the Sky by Matt Hires**_

* * *

The mayhem at the castle reached an all-time high after that. It was difficult to study aound it, but I supported the insubordination none-the-less. The school was finally fighting back against the tyrant that was driving it to the brink of insanity. The teachers weren't even trying to stop anyone from rebelling. In fact they were aiding and abetting.

With all of the chaos, I barely noticed that the last Quidditch match was approaching. When Ron started talking more and more about it, I realized it was almost time for the match. Ron's nerves were getting ridiculous, but nothing seemed to calm them. I was ready for the season to be over, win or lose, so that the insanity would just end.

On the day of the match, I was decked out in all the Gryffindor garb I owned. I ended up seated next to Luna again, which was entertaining. She was wearing her Ravenclaw hat, which showed which side she was supporting, but she was so light hearted about sports that she mas as well have been routing for both sides. Her energy was contagious, and I found myself cheering like crazy at her side. The others singing that horrible song about Ron made me angry, but I was so high on the excitement of the crowd that it couldn't really get me down.

And that excitement didn't die after Ron really hit his stride in the game. He started making save after save, and the score was building on behalf of Gryffindor while it remained low for Ravenclaw. Cho was desperately searching for the snitch, wanting to just end the match. She was just no match for Ginny though. When the score gap was already too far to really come back from Ginny went into a dive. We watched her avidly as Cho took off after her. They were both racing toward the snitch, which was zipping across the pitch near the grass. Ginny swooped in fast than Cho, grabbed the snitch, and it was done. The match was won, and Gryffindor had come from behind from a previous loss and snagged the Quidditch Cup once again.

The stands went wild, and all of us began to sing the song that Slytherin had made up by inserting our own lyrics. I could barely sing through the laughter as Cho threw an absolute fit over Ginny snagging the win from her. She threw her broom on the ground and burst into angry tears. The whole thing was a riot, though I probably found it more amusing than it should have been. I joined the crowd that was hoisting Ron above them, and cheered as we went back to the castle. Ron shouted at Harry and Hermione when we reached the doorway, and they did their best to look like they knew what we were cheering for, but I had seen them leave with Hagrid. I knew they didn't really know how the match had ended.

I put them out of my mind, and followed the flow of the crowd back to Gryffindor tower. With the Weasley twins gone, it fell to someone else to host the he party for the win. I called a few house elves up with snacks since I didn't have time to sneak down to the kitchens. They brought up trays of éclairs and butter beer. They were going to stay and serve them, but I chased them off, both because they were not needed, and because I didn't want Hermione to try and stab me or something.

The party was raging on, with everyone fawning over Ron. When there was finally a break in the flow of people talking to him I finally had an opening to congratulate him. But somehow on my way over to him I made an entirely different decision. I rushed to him quickly, and instead of telling him how proud I was of him, I grabbed either side of his face and pulled him to me. I crushed my lips to his, and for a few glorious seconds all the tension disappeared within my chest. I felt perfectly relaxed and incredibly happy. But then I pulled back from the kiss. I pulled back, an dI saw shock all over his face. It was not the kind of shocked face you see when someone has a surprise party. It was the kind of shock you see when someone gets ice dropped down the back of their shirt.

That face was all I needed to see to know that I had made a terrible mistake. I let go of the sides of his face, and stumbled backward to put distance between us. There were a couple beats of silence while everyone stared, but then the whooping and hollering started and in the ensuing chaos I bailed. I fled up to the girls' dormitory and straight into the hidden room within my trunk. I didn't want to see anyone, and it was the best hiding place in the castle.

* * *

So instead of joining in the continuing celebrations, or finding out exactly where Harry and Hermione had gone during the match I threw myself even more diligently into my studies. I took to studying in my little hidden chamber so I would not have to see anyone. My little room was so full of school library books that I was surprised Madam Pince hadn't come after me yet. As the exam drew steadily closer the teachers began to review topics that were most likely to be on the tests. So my entire life had become devoted to the OWLs. I had mastered the spells they thought were most likely to come up on the exams, as well as all of the defensive magic the Order members had been teaching me. I felt extremely confident that I would achieve my OWL for defense, but I wasn't entirely positive on all of the others, so I kept working. I kept studying, and pretending not to see Ron watching me when we were in class or in the corridors.

I didn't even stop to partake in conversations my fellow fifth years were having. Though I did overheard Ernie Macmillan accosting a few different people about how long they were studying each day. He was boasting a range of eight to ten hours depending on the day. I was very tempted to stop working on my notes and burst his bubble by telling him that of the seventeen hours each day I was away I spent fifteen of them either studying or attending lessons that were preparing me for the OWLs. I basically lived in what I now considered my new office. It was like my own private study. I had books everywhere, I had a nice desk, and I had way more parchment and ink than I could ever hope to get through. I had rewritten all of my notes from the past five years, and created so many pneumonic devices for memorization that I had basically invented my own language.

I took several rolls of parchment and cut them into flashcard-sized pieces and color-coded them. I had a different color for each of my classes. I had a system, I put all of the Defense Against the Dark Arts pneumonic devices (which I had started calling numos to save time) on red cards, my Transfiguration numos were on blue cards, my Astronomy numos were on purple parchment, my History of Magic numos were on grey (because grey was the most boring color I could think of), my Charms numos were on yellow parchment, Potions on white, Arithmancy on orange, and I put my Ancient Runes on pink parchment.

I had taken to carrying them around the castle with me, and flipping through them as I walked the corridors between classes, or over breakfast, or during breaks in the courtyard. I caught Hermione trying to decipher the back of one of them at breakfast and I almost burst into laughter on the spot. Her face was screwed up in confusion and she had pulled out two different books from her bag alternating between flipping through pages and staring at my cards.

"The red once are for defense," I said quickly when I was finally ready to leave the great hall. "You potions and runes books won't help you decipher my pneumonic devices."

I kept myself from laughing, but when she tossed her books into her bag with a stifled scream of frustration I almost lost the battle. I thought it might be the right thing to do to just put her out of her misery, but it would take me up until the exams just to teach her how to understand what my cards said. The acronyms and symbols made sense to me, but they wouldn't do her any good, not this late in the game.

* * *

The first exam we sat was Charms. The very first question was about one of the first charms we had ever learned, and it didn't get too terribly difficult for me after that. I finished my test after only the first hour, so I went back and elaborated further on all of my written answers so that I wouldn't waste the second hour of the exam. I added so much detail to my analysis of the theory behind the invention of the cheering charm that I had to hurry up to the front of the great hall and snatch a second roll of parchment to continue.

After we broke for lunch we returned for our practical examinations. I was called in with all of the other P's in our class. Harry was sent over to Professor Tofty, and I got Professor Marchbanks. She asked me to perform a series of spells for her. The first was to levitate a wine glass, which I did with ease. I then had to turn a rabbit blue. I had a bit of fun with it, causing each slight change in the rabbit's original color to appear in a different shade of blue. It was actually very cute, and I would have liked to leave it that way, but I had to also demonstrate the reversal spell, so the rabbit resumed its boring gray and black coloring. The other examiners were letting their pupils go, but Marchbanks kept me after and asked me to demonstrate the most complex spell I was capable of doing. I took a moment to decide which would be the best choice. In the end I decided to try and use a charm I had only performed successfully twice. I placed the wine glad in front of her, tapped it softly with my wand while muttering geminio. It glowed bright green for just a second, and then returned to looking normal.

"You have to touch the glass to test if I have done the charm correctly," I said quietly.

She reached out and tapped the glass. It immediately began to copy itself, and the copies duplicated themselves as well. The room was soon full of the sound of breaking glass as the copies fell off the table and crashed to the floor.

"Evanesco copies," I muttered directing my wand at the chaos.

"Very good!" Professor Marchbanks cheered. "The geminio charm is not even taught at the NEWT level, you are very advanced."

"I have the luxury of working with the best teachers the wizarding world has to offer," I said bowing my head.

"And humble too," she smirked. "Go on now, your examination is complete."

I didn't tell Hermione about that part of my exam. I thought she might have a stroke, and it seemed too much like bragging anyway. We spent the night reviewing for our transfiguration exam the next day. I put in a couple hours down in the common room studying, but when nine o'clock rolled around I went to bed early. I was somewhat tired, but when it looked like Ron was about to say something, I feigned sudden exhaustion.

The written portion of the transfiguration exam didn't give me much trouble. I had a moment's pause when I had to write a short essay on switching spells, and I couldn't decide if the transitive properties were what the question was looking to have answered or not. Overall it went pretty well, even though I did break the tip off one of my quills in my haste to finish the last section before the end time of the test was announced.

During the practical I was asked to vanish an iguana and turn a teacup into a mouse. I did both without much error, though I thought my teacup mouse looked a little too shiny for my liking. As I had managed to get Marchbanks again, she challenged me to produce the most difficult transfiguration spell that I knew. I had a hard time deciding what would be the best to do. In the end I decided to use an inanimatus conjurus spell on the table, causing it to gallop around the room before returning to its place in front of Marchbanks and returning to its resting state.

The next day saw the herbology examinations. I felt I did very well, though the practical was not as easy for me as the others had been so far. I understood the theory of herbology just fine, but actually getting a fanged geranium to let your prune it without being bitten is not nearly as easy. Mine took a go at me, but I snatched it up by the stem, directing it away from me before it could sink its teeth in. I thought that would help my score until I saw that I had torn one of the petals which I was sure would hurt my score. It was the first exam that I was not asked to perform additional work on.

On the fourth day we sat for our defense against the dark arts examinations. It was easily the one I was the most prepared for, but it was also the one that caused me the most nerves, because of the profession I had decided to pursue. I was also a bit nervous because Umbridge would be watching the test, and she might notice that my magic was more advanced than it should be on a subject that she had personally made a point not to teach me anything on. I wrote so much on the written portion that I had to retrieve three extra rolls of parchment to have enough room. I was grateful when it was time for our lunch break because my hand was so cramped up I could hardly use it. I kept it pressed against the cold pumpkin juice pitcher for the entire lunch hour.

When we returned for the practical I was asked to perform a slew of counter-jinxes and defensive spells. The most complex that I was asked along with the other students was to banish a boggart. It did not give me trouble, though I was a bit embarrassed when the boggart revealed itself to be me, but a version of me that was disturbing. It was me, wrapped up in a straightjacket, spewing random insanity. I was so shocked that my greatest fear seemed to have changed that I hesitated for a second before turning it into a clumsy clown and banishing it. Professor Tofty had seen Harry produce a patronus in the last group of students, so he offered me the opportunity to produce one as well. I thought of those few seconds kissing Ron, and conjured my owl, allowing it to fly about the space for a bit before it allowing it to dissipate into nothingness.

On Friday, I had my two tests that would not have a practical examination. In the morning I answered question after question about ancient runes, as well as completing three translations, and the bonus decryption question. The test was much more complex than the other written tests we had been given, but I was certain this was because it would make up our entire score, instead of the half the others made up for their subjects.

The afternoon test was arithmancy. Rather than having us prophesize from our calculations aloud, we simply wrote extensive essays. I went over my test as many times as I could before the time was up checking my work. I didn't want to continue with the subject after this year, but that didn't mean that I wasn't interest in obtaining an OWL for it.

The weekend was devoted to studying. I reverted back to studying in my little office as Ron was very present in the common room, and I didn't want to encourage any sort of conversation from him. We would eventually need to have the official we-can't-be-friends-anymore-because-of-what-I-did conversation, but that was the last thing I wanted to have on my mind in the middle of some of the most important exams I would take in my entire life.

Monday morning we took our written potions exam, and I was certain that I had aced it. The only question that gave me the remotest trouble was the one about Polyjuice Potion, but I knew enough from the stories Ron, Harry and Hermione had told me about their adventures second year to give a good answer. I even used what happened to Hermione as an example without her name of course, to demonstrate why it should only be used with human DNA particles.

For our practical exam we were asked to do our best at brewing a dreamless sleep potion. The instructions were on the board, but I saw everyone grow nervous when they realized we would be doing a potion we had not had the opportunity to practice this year with Snape. I followed the instructions to the letter until I reached the tenth step and it said to cut my dragon liver into thirds before adding it. Thirds seemed a bit too big to me, so I took a risk and cut them into smaller slices. The risk paid off when my potion was the first to reach the color of purple it was supposed to be. I left the exam with my head held high.

I rather enjoyed the care of magical creatures examination. I didn't have too much trouble identifying the Knarl among the hedgehogs, and the proper handling of a Bowtruckle was not exactly difficult. I slowed down a bit on the fire crab section, not really keen to get burned. I thought I might have missed on of the possible foods for a sick unicorn, but I wouldn't know for sure until I got a chance to check my notes once more.

I breezed through my astronomy, and divination exams the next day. But as I had been keeping early sleeping hours for the past few weeks, staying up until late in the evening for the astronomy practical was a bit of a challenge for me. It was also a bit difficult to try and concentrate when a fight was breaking out on the grounds. Umbridge was trying to have Hagrid forcibly removed from the grounds, and he was putting up quite the fight. McGonagall attempted to intervene and she was hit with several stunning spells at the same time. That caused all hell to break loose. The examiners lost the professional detachment, and Hagrid started beating the crap out of people. In the ends Hagrid fled, and McGonagall was taken to the hospital wing.

I would have liked to stay up and discuss all the dramatic events with everyone but I was exhausted. Since everyone else was down in the common room I took the moment of privacy to send a patronus message with tonight's events off to Albus, before grabbing a shower and climbing in to bed.

In the end the history of magic exam ended up being the most eventful by far. Not the test, the test was dry and I wanted to take a nap instead, but what happened as the test was ending. Harry had another of his Voldemort dreams and screamed as he fell out of his seat. At first I wanted to laugh that he had actually fallen asleep. There was a bit of pandemonium after that. Harry was ushered out after refusing to go to the hospital wing. The rest of us had a few minutes to finish the rest of our exams, then the time was called, we turned them in, and we were officially done with our OWL exams.

We tracked down Harry, who was in an absolute panic. He told us that his dream had revealed to him that Voldemort had Sirius. I was tracking it with him, until he said that he had Sirius at the department of mysteries. When he said he had him at the same place that Harry had been dreaming about for the entire year I became suspicious. It clearly threw up a flag for Hermione as well because she tried to question him on it. I tried to use legilimency on him, but he truly believed what he had seen was the truth, so I could not decipher if it was a lie from his mind.

It turned into a big fight, and Harry brought up that we didn't have any order members at the castle to refer this on to.

"That's not entirely true," I interjected.

"What do you mean," he snapped at me.

"Well Snape is still here." I said quickly.

"Snape hates Sirius he isn't going to help him," Harry ranted.

"As a member of the order he would be obligated to at least investigate the situation," I said firmly, trying not to lose my temper.

"We could investigate it," Ron interjected when he saw that I was failing to convince Harry to go to Snape.

"That's a good point," said Hermione.

Harry swore very loudly just as Ginny and Luna showed up. After a bit more rudeness on Harry's part we explained the situation to them. They agreed to lookouts. They were going to guard one end of the hallway, and I was to guard the other side. Harry and Hermione were going to go make a floo call to Grimmauld place. As soon as I was able to split off from the group, I sent a patronus message to both Snape and Albus. I had yet to receive a response from Albus on any messages I had sent out, so I couldn't guarantee that he was getting my messages, but it could be that he was just trying to keep from drawing attention to me.

I explained in the message what Harry had seen, and what he was planning to do about it. It was clear that he would not be stopped, so I tried to make sure someone would be there to help if this went as badly as it seemed like it was going to go. I may have advanced my magical abilities, but we were going into a situation I couldn't predict the outcome of. This could be a trap; we could be ambushed upon arrival. I was only one person, and I wasn't even of age yet.

I had just finished sending of my patronus when Neville happened upon me in the corridor. It looked like he had been wandering about without aim now that we were done for the year.

"Hey Bianca, you will not believe what Peeves is up to," he chuckled, stopping when he saw me. "He's putting black ink on all the eye pieces of the school telescopes. So glad we finished the astronomy test, aren't you?"

"Absolutely," I chuckled. "I think we should throw some sort of party. You wanna help me get it set up?"

"Sure," he cheered. "What do you want me to do?"

"Why not stop by the kitchens and talk to the house elves about bringing up food?" I suggested. "I'll work on rounding people up?"

"Okay," he said turning to go.

He didn't get a chance to leave though. Instead we were facing an angry looking inquisitorial squad. Well we were really only faced with Crabbe and Goyle, but they were large enough to be formidable, and they had the advantage of catching us both off guard. They disarmed us both before we had a chance to react. Crabbe pulled Neville into a strangle hold and started dragging him forward. Goyle grabbed hold of my ponytail, and pulled me into him with his other arm crushing me into his side as he started moving me. I started singing Weasley is our king, the sign that trouble was coming, but when I saw Ginny and Luna being dragged down the other end of the hallway I knew that we were in a bit more trouble than expected.


	59. Chapter 59

_Author's Note: some dialogue in this chapter is directly from the book. Obviously J.K. Rowling owns it; I am just borrowing it for my play in the sandbox._

_**Song for this chapter: This Is War by 30 Seconds To Mars**_

* * *

Crabbe and Goyle dragged us into the old bat's office just in time for us to see Umbridge dragging Harry out of the fireplace and start accosting him. This whole thing was spiraling out of control rapidly. She was yelling at Harry, and yet all I could think about was the fact that Goyle was holding me too closely. I couldn't move my arms, and it felt like I was tied down. The feeling was far too familiar. It made my heart race, and my stomach turn. I felt the heat climbing up under my skin and my breathing quickened.

Apparently Goyle felt when my skin grew hotter, because he released me and jumped back. He was patting down his robes like he was putting out a fire, but it was clear that no flames had erupted. I took a deep breath, and shook out the panic that had been building in my chest. I watched him warily, waiting for him to compose himself and try to grab me again, but he didn't try anything. No one said anything about the fact that I was being allowed to stand there unrestrained.

I certainly wasn't going to draw attention to it. Nor was I going to tell anyone that my wand was still tucked securely into my pocket and hidden by my robe. Goyle was an idiot and he hadn't even searched for it. Of course even if he had taken it, I still had the wand ring, and I felt enough fear that I thought I might feasibly be able to force nonverbal magic like I had during my third year. My plotting ground to a halt when Snape strode into the room, and I subconsciously drew a breath full of relief.

"You wanted to see me, Headmistress?" he said as he looked about the room, not showing even a trace of emotion on his face as he took in the scene.

"Ah, Professor Snape," said Umbridge with her nasty smile. "Yes, I would like another bottle of Veritaserum, as quick as you can please."

"You took my last bottle to interrogate Potter," he said pointedly, and though he didn't look at me, I knew he was giving me confirmation that he knew she was using it on students, and had likely tampered with the stock. "Surely you did not use it all? I told you that three drops would be sufficient."

"You can make some more, can't you?" she asked with a flushed face, and I realized that was the reason no one else had been questioned after Harry.

"Certainly," Snape said snidely. "It takes a full moon-cycle, so I should have it ready for you in around a month."

"A month?" she squawked. "A month! But I need it this evening Snape! I have just found Potter using my fire to communicate with a person or persons unknown!"

"Really?" said Snape, and his easy façade cracked for the first time, I was sure he wanted to know just as badly as I did if Harry had gotten through to Sirius or no. "Well, it doesn't surprise me. Potter has never shown much inclination to follow school rules."

He was staring pointedly at Harry, and I was certain that he was performing legilimency on him. Snape's face remained impassive, but after a few seconds his eyes strayed away. He turned like he might leave, but his eyes met mine and so I focused intensely on his gaze. I allowed him to pull me into his mind, and saw that he was projecting what he had seen in Harry's mind back at me. He was showing my Harry's dream and hi desperation, and I realized that was all he had been able to pull out. Harry must have inadvertently been blocking him.

"I wish to interrogate him!" Umbridge snapped once again, breaking the connection between us as Snape turned back to her. "I wish you to provide me with a potion that will force him to tell me the truth!"

"I have already told you," he said smoothly. "That I have no further stocks of Veritaserum. Unless you wish to poison Potter— and I assure you I would have the greatest sympathy with you if you did— I cannot help you. The only trouble is that most venoms act too fast to give the victim much time for truth-telling."

I wanted desperately for him to make eye contact with me at that point. I wanted to know if he would truly poison Harry to keep Umbridge in the dark. I wanted to know how he was planning to deal with this situation. I wanted to know if he was going to go round up the others to save Sirius. I wanted to know if his thoughts about the dream meant that Sirius was truly at the ministry. It seemed like it did, but my look inside his mind was so brief that I couldn't be certain.

"You are on probation!" the old toad shrieked, immediately drawing my attention back to her. "You are being deliberately unhelpful! I expected better, Lucius Malfoy always speaks most highly of you! Now get out of my office!"

Snape bowed sardonically, and turned to leave. He was almost to the door when Harry no longer seemed to be able to control himself. His voice sounded terrified as he shouted at our professor.

"He's got Padfoot!" Harry shouted, and I wanted to strangle him. "He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden!"

Snape stopped moving. Umbridge was switching back and forth between the staring at the two of them. I was silently screaming idiot over and over again inside my mind. Why must Harry always assume that no one understood him? Why must he be such a child sometimes?

"Padfoot?" Umbridge asking in an eager voice. "What is Padfoot? Where what is hidden? What does he mean, Snape?"

"I have no idea," Snape dead panned. "Potter, when I want nonsense shouted at me I shall give you a Babbling Beverage. And Crabbe, loosen your hold a little. If Longbottom suffocates it will mean a lot of tedious paperwork and I am afraid I shall have to mention it on your reference if ever you apply for a job."

He left, and snapped the door closed behind him. I tried to make eye contact with Harry, to assure him in some way, but he was too busy freaking out. Umbridge was freaking out as well. This situation was getting out of hand, and there was a part of me that wanted to curse Snape for leaving me to deal with it. Rationally I knew that he had a bigger situation to deal with, and it should be a compliment that he felt certain I could handle this one, but I was still angry. I just wished I knew how he thought I should sort this all out.

"Very well," Umbridge said quietly, drawing focus to herself once more. "Very well… I am left with no alternative… this is more than a matter of school discipline… this is an issue of Ministry security… yes… yes…"

She seemed less sane by the second. If she hadn't been so focused on trying to make a decision I might have been able to get a clue as to how to get all of us out of her out of her mind. Instead I had to try and guess, though it wasn't much of a leap to assume we needed to get out quickly. She was clearly working herself up to something drastic.

"You are forcing me, Potter… I do not want to," Umbridge said. "But sometimes circumstances justify the use… I am sure the minister will understand that I had no choice…"

I knew that I would have to act. I couldn't be sure if she would try to use the imperious curse, or the cruciatus, but it was likely to be an unforgiveable.

"The cruciatus curse out to loosen your tongue," she said, and I had to stop myself from saying bingo when she answered my question.

"No!" Hermione shrieked and I tried to subtly drop my hand into my pocket to wrap my fingers around my wand without drawing attention to myself. "Professor Umbridge— it's illegal."

Umbridge was raising her wand, and I slowly inched my wand out of my pocket. I was ready to strike.

"The minister wouldn't want you to break the law, Professor Umbridge!" Hermione cried.

"What Cornelius doesn't know won't hurt him," she said as a mad look overtook her eyes, and it caused me to hesitate from revealing my wand. "He never knew I ordered dementors to go after Potter last summer, but he was delighted to be given the chance to expel him, all the same."

I froze then. I was torn between anger and disgust. I wanted to cast a curse on her in that instant but I somehow refrained. Harry was saying something to her, but I couldn't hear him over the blood pounding in my ears.

"Somebody had to act," she said breathily as she pointed her wand at Harrys head. "They were all bleating about silencing you somehow—discrediting you—but I was the one who actually did something about it.. only you wriggled out of that one, didn't you Potter? Not today though, not now—"

She took a breath" I drew my wand surreptitiously out into the open. "Cruc—"

"No!" Hermione shouted before I could cast the imperious curse. "No—Harry— we'll have to tell her!"

"No way!" Harry yelled back, and I could tell he was as duped by Hermione as Umbridge was. Hermione's mind was racing quickly, that much was clear on her face, but even without reading her thoughts I knew she couldn't mean that she wanted to tell Umbridge about Harry's dream

"We'll have to, Harry. She'll force it out of you anyway, what's… what's the point?"

Just before bursting into a round of supremely fake tears she locked eyes with me. In two very short seconds I learned two important things. The first thing I learned was that Hermione was planning to lure Umbridge into the forest, and the second was that Hermione had somehow figured out that I was able to perform legilimency.

"Well, well, well!" Umbridge crowed, looking like the cat that ate the canary. "Little Miss Question-all is going to give us some answers! Come on then, girl, come on!"

"Er—my—nee-no!" Ron shouted.

"I'm—I'm sorry everyone," she whimpered. "But—I can't stand it—"

"That's right, that's right, girl!" said the old cow, grabbing Hermione by her shoulders and throwing her into a chair. "Now then… with whom was Potter communication just now?"

"Well," Hermione gulped, pretending to gather herself. "Well, he was trying to speak to Professor Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore?" Umbridge asked eagerly. "You know where Dumbledore is then?"

"Well… no!" Hermione sobbed. "We've tried the Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley and the Three Broomsticks and even the Hog's Head—"

"Idiot girl—Dumbledore won't be sitting in a pub when the whole Ministry's looking for him!" Umbridge shouted at her.

"But—but we needed to tell him something important!" Hermione wailed as she kicked up the fake tears to a new level.

"Yes?" Umbridge pushed. "What was it you wanted to tell him?"

"We… we wanted to tell him it's r-ready!" choked Hermione.

"What's ready?" Umbridge demanded, grabbing her by the shoulders again.

"The… the weapon," Hermione ground out.

"Weapon? Weapon?" Umbridge gasped. "You have been developing some method of resistance? A weapon you could use against the Ministry? On Professor Dumbledore's orders of course?"

"y-y-yes," gasped Hermione. "But he had to leave before it was finished, and n-n-now we've finished it for him, and we c-c-can't find him t-t-to tell him!"

"What kind of weapon is it?" asked Umbridge harshly, holding tightly to Hermione.

"We don't r-r-really understand it," she sniffed. "We j-j-just did what P-p-professor Dumbledore told us t-t-to do."

"Lead me to the weapon," she ordered.

"I'm not showing… them," said Hermione shrilly, looking at the inquisitorial squad.

"It is not for you to set conditions," Umbridge snapped.

"Fine," Hermione sobbed. "Fine… let them see it. I hope they use it on you! I wish you'd invite load and loads of people to come and see! Th-that would serve you right—oh, I'd love it if the wh-whole school knew where it was, and how to u-use it, and then if you annoy any of them they'll be able to s-sort you out!"

That had an impact on Umbridge, and I really wanted to give Hermione a round of applause. The girl was brilliant, and she was playing Umbridge like a fiddle. She seemed to see everyone in the room in a bit of a different light after that little comment.

"All right dear, let's make it just you and me… and we'll take Potter, too, shall we? Get up, now."

"I believe you mean the Potters," I interjected, speaking up for the first time.

"Excuse me?" she gawked, turning to face me. "Yu think you can give orders to a ministry official and the headmistress of this school?"

"No Professor," I said in a falsely apologetic tone. "It's only… I'm the one that set the wards. I'm the only one that can take them down to let you see the weapon."

I didn't wait for her to decide if I was telling the truth. I subtly moved my wand beneath my robes and cast imperio on her. I felt the spell as soon as I had cast it. It was like a thousand invisible thread reached out from my mind and grasped onto hers. It was not a mind I wanted to be connected to. I could feel coldness while I was connected and it disgusted me, but I tugged on the little strings to get her to do what I needed her to do. What I was doing was technically illegal, but Umbridge could not be trusted. She certainly couldn't be trusted to take three seemingly unarmed teens that she had already demonstrated a desire to hurt into the forest where no one would be able to see what was happening.

"Of course…" she said in a breathy almost dazed voice. "Dumbledore would leave the most important part of the task to his adopted child. That makes sense. You'll have to come along then."

Malfoy made a stink about wanting to come, but Umbridge dealt with it quickly. I let the strings go and she was free to do whatever she chose to do, but she seemed too confused and alarmed by the entire situation to understand what had just happened. We followed Hermione out of the office and down to the entrance hall. WE passed by where the other students were eating dinner and celebrating the end of exams and went out onto the grounds. Hermione led us down the slope and for a moment it looked like we were going to Hagrid's hut, but we bypassed it and entered the forest like Hermione had pictured in the office.

Hermione continued to lead us further and further into the forest and I started to wonder where exactly she was going with this. I had the nagging feeling that knowing what she and Harry had been doing with Hagrid during that last Quidditch match would have given me the answer. It had to be the reason Hermione felt so comfortable with walking into a quickly darkening forest without a wand. Of course she didn't know that I had managed to keep my wand, but that was beside the point.

Hermione was shouting things as she led us deeper into the trees and it was like she was trying to draw everything in the forest to us. She should know better than that. There were things in here that would be difficult to fight off even if all of us did have our wands. She told Harry that she wanted to be heard, and I realized how outlandish her plan was. Just after I started to clue into her plan and arrow was shot in our direction. We found ourselves under attack by the centaurs.

Umbridge did exactly what could be expected from an idiot like her, and treated them as if they were something that she had stepped on and needed to clean off of her shoes. The centaurs reacted like anyone in their right mind would when treated like that. Granted they were a bit more prideful about the whole thing than others might be. They lost their tempers and the situation escalated quickly with the group of them carting her off into the trees. A part of me wondered if I should go after her. She was a loathsome woman, but was it right to let harm befall her?

I hesitated a second too long and they were long gone with her. They turned to us and they didn't exactly look friendly. They were debating on what they were going to do and I realized that Hermione had assumed they would let us go because we are young. She hadn't accounted for them taking offence at being used to deal with Umbridge.

"They are young," Ronan said. "We do no attack foals."

"They brought her here Ronan," the one holding onto Harry said. "And they are not so young… he is nearing manhood this one, she is not so far behind him, and this one is not young at all."

"Please," Hermione said breathlessly, and thankfully she did not pick up on what the centaur had said about me. "Please, don't attack us. We don't think like her, we aren't Ministry of Magic employees! We only came here because we hoped you drive her off for us."

It was a mistake. She shouldn't have said it. Her eyes were panicked; I pulled her face to the side as the centaur reacted. I searched through the jumble of thoughts, looking past the panic to see if she knew of something that could help us. The name Grawp and an image of a giant flitted through her mind and it wasn't entirely tainted with her panic so I decided to run with that.

I drew my wand once more and I whispered _Accio Grawp_ and waited. I had never tried a summoning spell on a person, let alone a giant before, so I didn't know if it would work but I had to hope it would. It had to work because I was not powerful enough to take on an entire heard of centaurs by myself. Someone would end up getting hurt.

The situation was going from bad to worse, and I was even starting to panic a bit, but then I heard a crashing noise as the giant form of Grawp broke through the trees. He initiated a new conflict with the centaurs and it was clear they did not want a giant in their forest. Their foot took them further away from us, and soon we were free of all the problems we had found this afternoon except for one.

We started to head back up to the school, so we could figure out how to get the other's wands back and get to London. We ran into Ron, Luna, Ginny, and Neville on our way back, and they had Harry and Hermione's wand's for them. Luna had a plan for how to get to the Ministry of Magic. She wanted to use the therstrals to fly there, and they weren't hard to find since they had been lured to us by the blood on our robes from Grawp's arrow wounds. It was interesting though, that the therstal that were working their way toward us through the trees were approaching Harry and Hermione to lick the blood from their clothes, but they were giving me a wide berth. When we had studied them in class I hadn't tried to approach any of them, or I might have known something like this would happen. They were creatures of death, so perhaps my thwarting of death made me repulsive to them.

There was a debate about if riding them would be safe, and after the argument on who was coming was settled everyone seemed determined. I refrained from speaking because I would have told Harry he was being a bit pretentious and foolish to try and keep the others from helping him, as if they would handle it any worse than he would. Really none of them should be going, they didn't have the training, but there was no way to stop them. In the end we all agreed that we should all go, and we should ride the Thestrals there.

I walked toward one of the Thestrals with the intention of mounting it, but I quickly saw that this was not going to happen. It stayed calm until I came with about two feet of it, but then it lowered itself like a dog that was trying to hide. I slowed down, assuming I had scarred it, but then the thestral started to back away from me. I moved quickly to put my hand on it's cold flank, and to try and reassure it, but that was the worst decision I could have made. The thestral reared back on its haunches and made a strange guttural sound that I realized would have been a shriek if this were a horse. For a fraction of a second I could see my hand print on its skin in vibrant red, but then it was gone.

Everyone was staring; those who could see the Thestrals had seen the strange reaction. Those who couldn't saw my shocked stumble back and heard the strange sound. I suspected I had just burned the thestral, but I hoped that no one else had noticed. I would have to ask Albus, but it seemed like the thestral was afraid of me, and then my temperature had been way too high for the animal to endure.

"Ah…" I said quietly. "We are all out of tame Thestrals. So that plan won't work for me."

"We can get you a broom," Hermione said, looking eager to get off her thestral and join me.

"That's alright, I have another idea," I said quickly as I thought of something. "I have an open window or uninterrupted time in Umbridge's office, besides you guys didn't make it back with my wand, so I need to go collect it. It probably fell on the ground and rolled under the desk or something."

"Are you sure?" he asked, clearly I wasn't one of the people hehad expected to stay behind, and he looked afraid of the very thought.

"Yes, I'm sure," I answered quickly, starting to back toward the edge of the forest. "You guys go ahead. I will catch up with you as soon as I can."

* * *

I heard them call words of encouragement after me, but I didn't really listen. I raced off toward the castle, and just before I entered the entrance hall I saw a group of Thestrals laden with riders break the tree line and fly off into the slowly dying sunlight. I entered the castle and raced down toward the dungeons. I knew where Snape's office was, and I was praying he would be there, but when I threw the door open it was empty. I closed the door behind me and I looked around quickly to see if he had left any kind of note behind. There wasn't one, so he probably thought I had gone with the others to the Ministry. I concentrated on the frustration I was feeling from the situation and channeled that to force fire to erupt over my skin once more an in a flash of light and the sound of rushing wings I left Snape's office behind and appeared in the kitchen of Grimmauld place.

I was standing by the table where Snape and Lupin stood while Sirius paced about. So he wasn't at the Ministry after all. What had Harry seen in the fire then? They all stopped moving to look at me, and then everyone started talking at once.

"Stop," Albus ordered as he walked into the room and I sighed with relief when I saw him.

Everyone fell silent.

"Have they gone to the ministry Bianca?" he asked pointedly.

"Yes, they are flying on the school Thestrals," I answered quickly. "They fly quickly, it shouldn't take long for them to arrive in London."

"No it shouldn't," he agreed. "How many students went?"

"Six excluding myself," I answered. "Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Luna. All D.A. members. They knew more advanced magic than the average student, but I don't think they realize the situation they are running blindly in to."

"Obviously," Snape snipped. "They are being foolishly mislead by a boy who does not realize that e is being deceived by the Dark Lord."

"Well he might not be having those dream still if you were still giving him occlumency lessons," Sirius barked from across the room.

"If he were so keen on snooping into everyone's business, he might not be so eager to peek into the Dark Lord's mind," Snape retorted.

"Enough," I snapped. "For the record both you _and_ Harry are wrong, but that is not even the point here. There are six students in danger tonight because they are on a mission to save a man that is standing right here in this room perfectly safe."

"Well they wouldn't be there if someone had stopped them," Sirius snapped. "Why didn't you stay there and stop them Snivelus?"

"I came here to verify if you were in danger or not," Snape said coolly, refusing to meet my gaze. "I left the tas of trying to keep the children at the castle to Bianca."

"You know it's impossible to stop them once they have set their mind to something," I said hotly. "Not to mention that if I had done much to stop them I would have put my own cover in danger. Or should I just tell them all I am in the Order. You know what that will mean."

"Maybe we should let them join," Sirius scoffed. "It sounds to me like they have started their own version of the Order anyway."

"The D.A. is in a way like the Order," I admitted. "But the skill level just isn't there. If they wre put into a fire fight with Voldemort and his Death Eaters right now, they might make it out alive, but they would probably sustain heavy injuries."

"Bianca has a valid point," Lupin said quietly "These students are ambitious and they learn quickly, but they aren't ready for what they are jumping in to tonight."

"We shouldn't be sitting here just talking about this," I shouted, losing my cool once again. "There is clearly a trap set at the ministry, and my friends will be walking into it any minute now. Everyone needs to put their hard feelings aside and do their job as part of the Order and protect the innocent from Voldemort."

And then for the first time in a long time, I traveled by flame without making the conscious choice too. I was so angry and worried and desperate to be at the ministry that the heat over took me, my skin burst into flame, the sound of wings filled my ear, and then I was standing in the black stone atrium of the ministry of magic. I could see the group just ahead of me, rushing towards the elevator at the end of the room.

"Hey wait," I called, running to catch them, but also taking the opportunity to announce my presence.

"You made it," Hermione said, sticking her hand out to keep the elevator from closing, a muggle habit that had the wizard-raised children staring at her. "How did you get here?"

"I flooed in from Umbridge's office," I lied quickly. "It was pretty easy since the inquisitorial squad bailed after your guys gave them the skiving snacks."

"We were just on our way down to the department of mysteries," Hermione explained as she let the doors close, and the elevator started to move.

We got off on the floor we needed to be, and followed Harry as he walked purposely forward. He led us down the corridor and to a black door. He pulled it open, and we followed him into a circular room with twelve doors on the wall. As soon as Neville closed the door behind us we were thrust into almost complete darkness and the wall rotated, sending the doors whirring around us so we couldn't tell which one we had come through.

We opened the first door, and it revealed a room that was empty other than a tank of green liquid that was full of white floating objects. It took a second to figure out that it was brains gloating about in the strange liquid. I stayed standing in the circular room watching the others as they looked around the brain tank room. I wasn't sure what would happen with the circular room if no one was in it, and I didn't really want to find out.

The others exited after Harry declared that it wasn't the right room, and Hermione cast the flagrate charm on the door to mark it with a fiery x so it would be marked as a room that we already checked. The wall span again, and then Harry chose another door. The second the door opened a tingling sensation rippled through my skin. I couldn't stop my feet from moving forward to enter this room. It was like an amphitheater, and the steps and seats lead down to a stone dais that held an old and decrepit looking arch. There was a tattered black veil hanging down from it that was rippling in the nonexistent breeze. With each wave that pulsed through it, the tingling in my skin thrummed. It was like waves of electricity coursing through me. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't exactly comfortable either.

I walked closer, edging towards the veil, but with each step the intensity of the electricity grew. At first it was like a shock, on the next step it was a jolt, on the step that put me within a foot of the veil it felt like I had grabbed on to an electric fence. I got the impression that this was some sort of security system to keep me away, or a warning that I shouldn't come closer. Even with my body trembling from the shocks I started to reach out, but a hand closed around my own, and pulled my arm back.

"You feel feverish," Luna said quietly, as she led me away from the arch. "We should leave."

"Okay," I agreed breathily. "What was that?"

"I think it was the barrier between our world and the afterlife," she said plainly, as she led me after the others who were heading back to the circular room seeming to have forgotten about us. "You're cooler now that we are further away from it. Was it making you sick?"

"I don't know?" I said with a bit more strength in my voice as the pulsing slowed to a gentle thrum and we entered the circular room once more. "That was strange."

Hermione marked the door, and then the room spun once more. When it came to a stop Harry went forward to open a new door but it didn't budge. Hermione tried to unlock it magically but that did not work. When Harry slide the knife Sirius had given him into the crack between the door and the wall it melted the blade. Hermione marked the door, and stepped back allowing the room to spin once again. When it came to a stop Harry threw open another door, calling out that this was the room.

There was light sparkling and bouncing about. The light was coming from a bell jar that housed a tiny egg. The egg rose slowly cracking, and turning into a bird. When it reached the top it began to sink and slowly degenerate until it was an egg once more. I was fascinated by it. It felt like I was watching my own life play out over and over again. How had they made this little bird in a bell jar? Harry ushered us on, not wanting to watch the fascinating contraption. We hurried through into a new room that was filled with shelves and shelves full of little glass orbs that could use a good dusting. The rows were numbered and Hermione told us we were looking for row ninety-seven.

I moved forward looking at each number as I went looking for the row, even though I knew Sirius wouldn't be in it. I was hoping to reach the row first if possible, to head off a possible attack if I could. Hermione reached it first, and we hurried to join her. The row was empty, but Harry hurried down it, seeming to expect to find something further in. At the end of the row there was still nothing, I was starting to wonder if the death eaters had given up on their trap or if they were just waiting until we thought everything was fine to attack. Ron called us back to see something that he was looking at on the shelf.

We went and saw that there was a plaque below and orb that read: S.P.T. to A.P.W.B.D. Dark Lord and (?) Harry Potter. I knew this was what the order had been trying to keep Voldemort from getting, and I realized now why the death eaters were waiting. They wanted Harry to take it from the shelf, so he would remove the protective enchantment placed upon it that had caused the demise of Bode. Even realizing this, I was distracted from stopping Harry from taking it from the shelf because right next to it was an orb that was labeled: C.V. to B.B. Bianca Potter. Without even picking it up, I knew this was the prophecy that Albus had mentioned to me back in my first year. He hadn't told me that it was kept somewhere within the ministry. Had he known? Even if he hadn't before he would have learned about it while guarding the other prophecy, so why hadn't he told me? Maybe he didn't want me to know about it. It was too late for that.

Harry reached out and grabbed the prophecy with his name on it, and that was the trigger for the arrival of the death eaters. As soon as it was in his hand, the drawling voice of Lucius Malfoy sounded telling him to hand it over. As other death eaters began to reveal themselves I reached out and snatched the prophecy about me off the shelf and slid it into my pocket, and then joined the others standing as confidently as possible while staring down a group of death eaters that outnumbered us two to one.

I looked at Malfoy for the first time since this summer, and I felt myself grow hard. It was as if my veins were pumping liquid steal rather than blood. I was so angry I felt certain I could kill him with my bare hands, but I did not move. I stood there, and I supported Harry in his refusal to hand over the prophecy. Bellatrix began to taunt Harry when he held staunchly to his demands to know where Sirius was. I watched her dancing about taunting him and I felt certain that the woman was mad. I wondered if she had been as mad before she was locked up in Azkaban.

As the taunting continued Luna whispered to me what she had just been told. We were going to explode the shelves around us when Harry gave the signal, and then we were gonna pull a runner. I was perfectly fine with this plan. I wanted to get everyone out of here in one piece, and if we could manage it I wanted to get both prophecies out of her intact as well.

"NOW!" Harry yelled.

"REDUCTO!" All of us yelled.

The shelves exploded, showering the floor with orbs. As each hit the ground a ghostly figure appeared and began to recite its prophecy. So many were being recited at the same time that nothing could be heard. We all ran, sprinting as quickly as we could away from the death eaters. I lost the others as I ran for it. I ran through the first door that I found. I turned to see if one of the others were coming, but found myself face to face with the silver mask of a death eater.

"Stupefy," I shouted, before I turned and ran once more.

I was in the room with the brain tank once more. None of the others were in the room, so I ran through a side door to look for them and I found myself in a large dark room that had the planetary system in it. I also found Luna, Ginny, and Ron. Ginny was hobbling on an ankle that looked broken, and Ron was acting very strange. I helped Luna lead them through to another room, and we were lucky enough to fine Harry, Hermione, and Neville. Though Hermione was unconscious and flung over the shoulder of Neville who had a broken nose. The death eaters found us once again, so we rushed our now very hobbled group through yet another door, which incomprehensibly put us back in the brain tank room. Harry, Luna, Neville, and I rushed around sealing all of the doors.

Luna got cursed before she could get one of her doors locked, and the death eaters rushed in. We all froze for a moment when they entered because Ron had stood once more and was babbling on about the brains in the tank, and then he summoned them to him. They flew through the air, with thoughts trailing out in ribbons behind them, and when they got to Ron they latched on to him and he tried to fight them off, but it was no use. Harry tried to get them off of him, while Neville and I tried to keep the fast approaching death eaters at bay.

When Harry couldn't get the brains off of Ron he started to run. The death eaters tore after him, and I knew what he was doing, trying to lure them away from all of those who could no longer defend themselves. Neville and I chased after the death eaters that were chasing him, and narrowly missed falling face first down the amphitheater steps in our haste.

I hurried behind a pillar, preparing to aim a curse when a death eater seized Neville. Bellatrix began to torture him, and I dove out from behind the pillar hitting one of them with a stunning spell as I rushed across the seats. I was shot a second stunner that missed as the doors above burst open and order members began to pour into the room.

Pandemonium broke out, and I shot a stunner at Lucius Malfoy that just missed him by an inch. I leapt down the last couple row, landing on the dais a few feet from Malfoy. He made to go after Harry and I put a full body bind on him causing him to topple over on to the floor. I leaned over him as he stared unable to move up at the ceiling. I couldn't stop myself, I slapped him around the face and spat on him.

I stood back up trying to regain my composure and found myself dangerously close to a duel taking place between Bellatrix and Sirius. He dodge a stunner she shot at him laughing, and didn't react in time as she shot the killing curse at him. The laughter died on his lips, and a strange fearful yet shocked look overcame his features as he fell back. He began to fall through the veil, and without thinking I reached out to grab him.

My hand was latched on his robes, but no matter how hard I pulled I could not pull him back. It was like a massive weight was pulling him down, and it would not let up. I was pulled forward as I held on to him, and all too quickly I was pulled into the veil. The second my hand made contact I felt the intense electricity from before erupt through my whole body, but it was much sharper, it was unbearably painful. Somewhere through that I also felt an ice cold burn. My skin was erupting in flame, but it was a blue fire, and unlike before this fire burned me. It felt like my entire body was being scorched. Instead of the rush of wings I heard screams, whimpers, and thousands of voices whispered. The flame burst from me, and I disappeared.


	60. Chapter 60

_**Song for this chapter: Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap**_

* * *

All sound around me stopped, and the blue fired abated leaving a strange void behind. I was lying face down on a floor that was strewn with rubble. I pulled myself up slowly and saw dusting hanging in the air around me. It was as if a was moving around but time was standing still around me. Part of the wall beside me was missing and it was letting the blue light of twilight filter into this demolished house I was standing in. I looked around at the house and I had the feeling that I had been here before. There was a mantle still mostly intact in front of me, and sitting on it was a small jade urn. Carved into it was the name Adena, I recognized that as the name I had when I was still in a bird form, so without much thought I reached out to grab it.

As soon as my hand closed around the cool surface, I felt the horrible blue flames erupting on my skin once more. I bit down on a scream of my own and tried not to hear the voices that were deafening my ears as I was whisked away again. When the burning finally stopped I opened my eyes and found myself in the old runes classroom at Hogwarts. Through the window I could see it was darker outside, and I wondered if time was passing more quickly than it should. I looked around the room, wonder how I had gotten here, and what was happening to me, as I shoved the urn into my pocket. At first I didn't even realize the significance of the room, but just as it was dawning on me that this was the room where Malfoy had attacked me the fire began to lick at my sin again.

I could see the blue flames radiating off the walls for a second before I clamped my eyes shut, my cheek bleeding as I fought not to scream in pain. I tried so hard not to hear the voices screaming in my ears as I burned. When it stopped once more I opened my eyes and I found myself standing in a bathroom staring into a mirror over a sink. This had to have been where I had seen the yellow eyes of the Basilisk, and in all fairness I should have die on the spot. When I hadn't died, Hermione had assumed I must have seen the reflection of the snake in the mirror, but I knew better. For a moment I just stared at my pale terrified face in the mirror, but then the flames erupted again and I tried to focus on something other than the fire, hoping I could break the spell I was trapped in. I tried to find some sort of logic in what was happening to me, but I couldn't think clearly through the terrible burning.

As it inched out from my heart, crawling across my body, I burst into tears. It was an unbearable pain, and to be forced to feel it over and over again was beyond words. The voices erupted in my ears again, and I realized that I recognized some of them. I heard Cedric whispering that he loved me just before the fire burned out again. When I opened my eyes I found myself standing just inside the portrait hole of Gryffindor tower.

I turned and I saw that the common room was full of students, but they were frozen, some were mid laugh, others were jumping about, but no one was actually moving. It looked like a movie of a party had been playing and then someone had pressed pause. I realized that I was standing on the spot where my throat had been slit in my third year, and I also realized that I was moving in a different time line than everyone else at the moment. I put together that whatever this was, it was transporting me to all of the places where I had evaded death. I had a second to wonder what that meant before the horrible icy fire reclaimed me once more. The screams and cries in my ears grew louder and louder and I recognized the faint breathy voice of Betsy telling me that she was sorry. The tears fell harder from my eyes, and just before the flames whipped me out of the room I saw the Gryffindor students unfreeze, but then I was gone.

I was deposited haphazardly on the ground just out of reach of the whomping willow. I rolled to the side when it looked like one of the branches was going to try and swing out at me. I pulled myself up onto my feet, running in a blind panic away from the spot where Lupin had attacked me. Whatever this spell was, it seemed to be taking me to places I had actually died at, or should have died at, and yet somehow I had survived. I ran away from the tree, struggling to see through the heavy tears that were obscuring my vision. I felt the fire start to tear over my skin again and I couldn't help myself, I screamed. There was no one on the rapidly darkening grounds to see me or help me, but I was desperate for someone, anyone, to put a stop to this. I kept running, trying to ignore the pain and the voices growing louder and louder. I felt the orbs and urn in my pockets and I closed my hands around them just before the fire reached an unbearable pitch. I heard a man's voice calling out for someone to run, and then everything stopped.

For a moment I was present inside of a dark room. The flames never quite stopped burning, and my screaming didn't stop. I was present long enough to realize that it was the dungeon at Malfoy manor, but then the flames that had only guttered a bit roared back to life and I was whisked away from the darkest place in my nightmares.

I was still running, even though the fire had stopped. I crashed into someone, and I fell in a heap onto the floor. I brushed the tears from my eyes, and I saw that once again I was in the stone room that housed that bloody arch. The group of death eaters was bound in the corner, and most of the order had gone. Lupin was standing where I had run into him, but he wasn't even looking at me. He was staring at the arch. I could see tears falling freely down his face, and yet I did not have it in me to try and console him over the loss of his friend.

The arch was causing the electric pulsing in me once more, and now I could hear whispers of the voices from before radiating out of it. I backed away from it slowly. My breathing was ragged and I kept waiting for the fire to erupt again. I climbed all the way up an out of the room without the flames coming again so I ran for it. I hoped that I could not be taken again.

I found myself in the circular room once more, but this time the door leading back out of the department of mysteries was open. I dashed across the floor and dove through the open door right before the wall began to spin. I could see the room whirling about behind me, but I slammed the door shit and I ran down the hall.

I raced back up through the ministry, looking for the others. I saw some sort of fight taking place up ahead, but I slowed to a stop and dropped to the ground next to a pile of ashes. There was a tiny wrinkled bird sitting in the pile and I almost started crying again. There was one scarlet feather next to the pile, and I realized that something had sent Fawkes into a _very_ early burning cycle. I grabbed the feather and shoved it into my pocket with the rest of the things I had collected tonight. Then I picked up the tine newborn Fawkes and held him gently in my hand as I looked upon the scene in front of me.

Ministry officials were appearing. Voldemort disappeared in a flash, and Harry and Dumbledore stood before them. I watched on as they discussed what all had taken place tonight with fervor, and all I could think as I watched them was that none of them cared. Sirius had died down below, many of my friends were injured somewhere, and poor Fawkes had essentially died, and they were only talking about Voldemort returning. As if he hadn't been back for an entire year already. They didn't care a bit.


	61. Chapter 61

_**Song for this chapter: Shake it Out by Glee Cast (made famous by Florence and the Machine)**_

* * *

I watched as Albus created a portkey and instructed Harry to take it back to the castle. He turned, his face a question mark. I shook my head at him, and stood my ground. I had no intention of going back to Hogwarts this evening. He sent Harry on his way with a promise that he would join him in an hour. And then he walked over to me.

"Bianca—"

"No," I stopped him. "I can't talk to you right now. I don't want you to talk to me. I want you to pretend that you care for a second and take your wounded bird."

"I—"he started, looking wounded himself as he took Fawkes into his hands.

"No," I ordered, unable to feel anything except angry, as if all the other emotions had been burned out of my by that blue fire. "There will be no talking right now. You are going to go take care of people like you always do, and I am going to walk out of here. I need to spend some time on my own while I try to process everything that happened tonight. You are not going to follow me."

He nodded, something in my face telling him I would broker no arguments, and I walked past him. I blew past the Ministry officials that were gaping at either me or the mess of the atrium around me. I didn't really care which. I climbed into the red telephone booth and told the smooth female voice that greeted me that I wished to exit the Ministry. The booth moved slowly up and eventually I came to a stop on the dark London street above. I pushed the door open and stepped out into the cold air.

* * *

I started walking and I didn't stop. I tried to press my anguish out of my body and into the pavement beneath my feet. I passed by empty offices and businesses. I continued on down empty street after empty street. I felt like I was wandering around in a blind haze. My mind was a jumble that I couldn't seem to sort out. Sirius was dead. Essentially everyone was injured. I had a prophecy about me in one pocket, and my own ashes in another. I felt so angry about all of it. I knew that anger wasn't the proper response to this situation, but it was the only emotion I was able to process at the moment.

The sun started to rise, and slowly the streets began to populate. I noticed that people were staring at me awkwardly and I began to wonder what I looked like. I sought out my reflection in a shop window, and I saw that my robes were tattered and I had a gash on my forehead. My appearance was drawing attention to me, so I took in my surroundings and tried to figure out where exactly I was. I needed to get away from people, and luck seemed to be on my side. The nearest street sign indicated that I was only a few blocks away from the Leaky Cauldron.

I altered my course, and walked with purpose toward an actual destination. I hurried a little quicker as I saw more cars starting to fill up the streets. After a few minutes the Leaky Cauldron came into view and I hurried inside. The pub was mostly deserted, but Tom was over at the bar wiping it down. I walked over to him.

"Tom, do I have to pay you up front for a room, or do I pay you at the end of my stay?" I asked without preamble.

"You can pay at the end of your stay, how long do you plan to stay Ms. Potter," he asked, giving me a once over with his brow creasing in concern.

"Indefinitely." I said firmly. "I can pay each day if it's easier since I don't know when I am leaving."

"How about we set up a weekly pay schedule," he said cheerily. "I'll put you in room 17."

He grabbed a set of keys out of a locked box behind the bar, and led the way up a flight of stairs and down the hall to an old musky room. He opened the door for me, and I stepped inside. He handed me the keys with a small smile.

"Enjoy your stay," he said kindly turning to leave.

"Thank you Tom," I said quietly. "I know you are planning to go downstairs and contact Albus Dumbledore, and I would ask that you not do that. I will contact him when I am ready."

"Yes ma'am," he said looking shocked as he left.

I closed the door, and pulled my robes off and set them on the bed. I crossed over to the full-length mirror that was mounted on the wall. I pulled an elastic out of my pocket, and pulled my hair up and away from my face.

"Putting you hair up won't help hide that gash deary," the mirror said in a wispy old female voice.

"I know," I sighed at the mirror.

I pulled out my wand, and conjured a bowl, and some bandages. Then I conjured water into the bowl and got to work. I used one of the bandages to soak up some of the water and clean my cut. I felt a vague stinging from it, but it was from a distance. I felt disconnected from it altogether. I cleaned it up as best I could, and placed one of the bandages carefully on my forehead to keep it covered until I could purchase some healing paste for the wound. I vanished my supplies and walked over to the bed and lay down on it.

I stared up at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come, but it never did. I watched the ceiling, as the light grew slowly brighter outside. I could hear the trains not far off moving by occasionally. I could hear people moving around out in the hallway. And when I could hear voices filtering up from Diagon Alley I decided to get out of bed. I put the room key into my jeans pocket, and straightened out my tank top, brushing away some of the dirty, and trying to ignore the flecks of green brain juice on my clothes. I left my room, locking the door behind me, and walked quietly back own the stair, out of the pub, and out into Diagon alley. I hurried down the way to Gringotts first. I bustled through the doors and up to the counter where a goblin stared down at me with a less than friendly face.

"What will you be needing today Miss," the goblin asked me.

"I need to visit my vault. I do not however have my key with me today." I explained. "The best I have to offer is that my last name is potter. I can show you my scar if that helps."

"That will not be necessary," the goblin waved his hand dismissively. "Albus Dumbledore sent us an owl just a few minutes ago explaining the situation. Griphook will take you down."

"Thank you," I said, trying to stifle my irritation and just be grateful that he had at least made it possible for me to gain access to funds.

Griphook appeared from behind the counter and led me through a door to get into the tiny cart that led down to the Potter vault. I zoned out for the trip, and waited until we were climbing out of the cart in front of the vault door to conjure a small pouch that I would be able to carry money in. Griphook used a key from his own ring to open the vault, and he let me inside. There was far more money than I would have expected to see in there, but I put it out of my mind and filled up my pouch before stepping back and allowing Griphook to close the vault. He took me back out of the cavern, and I left the bank.

I swung into Madam Malkin's and picked up a generic set of robes that weren't torn up. Then I stopped in at the apothecary, and sifted through their small supply of premade potions until I found one for healing cuts. It was in a bundle with a bruise paste and a blemish remover. The price was reasonable to I purchased it. I took my purchases back to the leaky cauldron, and went back to my room. When I opened my room I was surprised to find that my trunk was sitting at the foot of my bed. I shook my head but I smiled none-the-less.

I went back over to the mirror, pulled my bandage off, and applied the paste to my cut before putting the bandage back in place. I set my purchases on the dresser and went to sit next to my old robes on the bed. I pulled the orb and the urn out of my pocket and set them on the mattress in front of me. I needed to investigate these things, but they scared me. Was I ready to know what the prophecy said? What did holding my own ashes in my hand mean anyway?

I decided that the less intimidating of the two was the prophecy, so I picked it up and turned it around in my hand. It would be so easy to shatter it on the floor, but then it would be gone. I would hear it once and that would be the end of it. I laughed at myself when I realized I could always pull it up again with a pensive and I tossed the orb onto the floor.

It shattered and a smoky figure rose up from the floor. It was indistinct, but the shape reminded me over someone I had seen on a chocolate frog. I was distracted from those thoughts when the ethereal female voice began to speak.

_"The great power will be born from death, bringing legend to life. Her eyes will mark her as the successor of an old power, to which she has no blood relation. She will save many lives before she returns to her roots. Her end will come in a blaze, and it will be far earlier than it should be, but she will go to it willingly."_

The smoky figure dispersed and the room was silent once more. I stared at the pieces of broken glass on the ground, and watched them evaporate on their own, thinking about what I had just heard. I was certain after hearing it that Albus had heard the entire prophecy at one point, because it seemed like It was written in plain English when I took his thoughts on me into consideration. I was born from death many times, that's what a Phoenix does. My eyes looked just like his, and he was easily the greatest power that existed right now, and of course I had no blood relation to him.

The second part was not as straight forward, but it seemed that at some point I was going to die, most likely in a fire, to save the lives of many. I guess that was a noble way to go. Besides I wouldn't really die would I? I would just turn back into a bird right? If it meant an actually death, it wouldn't refer to returning to my roots right? Or perhaps it did mean that. If I were born of death, then death would be my roots would it not?

Thinking like that had my heart beating faster, and my breathing catching in my chest so I stopped. I tried to focus on just breathing normally and not panicking. I picked up the urn to distract myself. I turned it over in my hand, feeling the coolness of the jade as it rolled over my palm. I traced my name, repeating Adena allowed over and over again. It was a nice name, and I felt that Lily had chosen well both times that she had named me. I wondered if she had known it was me when I was born as her child. Did she recognize anything in my features? Did she wonder why her bird had not regenerated in the ashes? Why all she had was the ashes in this little urn?

I didn't have the answer for those questions. I didn't have any answers really. All I knew in that moment was that I had an intense compulsion to open the urn and see my own ashes. I rolled it over in my palm several more times questioning if I was making an insane choice here. I thought about all of the things I had read about the phoenix. The bird was supposed to take the ashes of its previous body to Egypt. They touched them each time. It was part of the cycle. Maybe I would feel better if I completed the cycle that had been put on hold for 15 years now. I pried the urn open and stared at the ashes inside. They had a blue tint, and I wondered why that was.

* * *

I reached two fingers into the urn, and picked up a pinch of ash. The second my skin made contact with the ashes I stopped seeing the room I was sitting in. Instead I was watching a memory. Well I was watching a lot of memories. It was like a reel of film playing back every moment of my previous life. I understood that the ashes had a blue tint when I saw that my feathers in my last life where inexplicably blue, they were not red and gold like the average phoenix, they were blue and green. In fact I looked more like an augury than a regular phoenix.

I saw myself flying through the sky for the first time as I climbed out of my nest for the first time once again. My heart raced as I soared through the air, with freedom rushing through my veins. I saw myself gathering my ashes into a heap and taking flight with them. I saw myself flying for days until I arrived in Heliopolis, and landing on the pyramid of the sun and depositing the ashes alongside the many other piles. Some of them were blue like the ones I had just seen. Some had a slightly red tint, some gold, some just looked grey like regular ash.

I saw more flashes of flying, and different wilderness scenes. I saw the faces of several witches and wizards as they tried to lure me to them. Each of them failed to capture my interest in a way that made me want to approach them. I would always leave to a new place after I was spotted by one of them. I couldn't be sure of the amount of time that was passing, but the changes that took place in the surrounding civilizations suggested that decades were passing. It seemed like I should feel lonely but I didn't, I felt free, and untethered. The entire world was my paradise, and I had forever to enjoy it.

When I settled on the outskirts of a small village I saw a young adult Lily spot me in a tree and call out to me. I felt the intrigue I had felt in that moment when I flew down to her and landed on her shoulder. I saw how she took me home, and bought me a beautiful perch. I felt my love and loyalty for her grow as she cared for me like a mother would care for a child. I felt the bond I formed with James, as he was the mate of my owner, or at least I saw him as a mate, but that was not what they called one another.

I felt my angst grow as my body as I realized two things: first that my burning cycle was approaching, and second that Lily and James were in danger. They were fighting in a war, willingly putting themselves in danger. I realized that my love for Lily was intense, that my devotion to her was unending. And I watched as the night of my burning cycle finally came, and I was perched on the couch by Lily wanting to spend every last moment with her before I would have to leave for a while to carry my ashes away. I watched as I burst into a red flame unexpectedly right next to Lily. The flames burned out quickly, somehow not setting Lily on fire, and left a pile of ash sitting on her stomach.

I dropped the ashes as the memories stopped flashing through my mind. I felt suddenly much other. I had always felt older than my peers, but this was a whole new ball game. In just that lifetime alone I had seen the transition from horse drawn plows to automobiles driving down the road. I had seen so many things, so many changes in human life taking place in the background of my own nomadic life. At least during that life cycle it appeared I did not allow anyone to be my owner until I met Lily. I had loved Lily. I still loved her now, she was my mother after all, but my love for her in my last life had been something different. It had been such an intense devotion. Even with the love and loyalty I had felt to people in my life now, I wasn't sure it matched how I had felt about Lily.

* * *

I burst into tears as I mourned the loss of my mother once more. It felt as if she had just died today, it was so fresh after that. Once the tears started, I couldn't stop them. I started crying about Lily, but then I kept crying about Sirius. I cried over not knowing if the others had made it out of the ministry alive. They had all been so injured when I last saw them, what if they hadn't made it? I cried for the pain I knew Harry must be in. I cried for the bad things that were about to happen to those in the wizarding world as Voldemort asserted his power no longer needing to hide since his presence had been revealed. And I cried because of how much I cared. I wished that I could feel the detachment from humanity that I had felt when I was Adena, to be free and untethered like I had been. But instead I was weighed down with the weight of my humanity.

I could feel the growth that had taken place in me because of being human, but I struggled to be grateful for that. There was a year of peace with Lily after I had been born into this life, but I could barely remember it. And the years after that had been filled with one travesty after another. Being a human was painful. There was physical pain of course, but there was also so much emotional pain. When you are so connected to other people, it's to easy for them to hurt you. The human mind could hurt itself by thinking too much; there had been a simplification of thought when I was Adena. It left me torn. I was feeling both grateful and resentful of my humanity. And I also felt confused, because I didn't know where I was supposed to go from here.

I closed the urn and resealed it before setting in and my wand on the nightstand beside the bed. I lay down and let the tears fall on to the pillow. I cried until I fell asleep. I don't know for sure how long I slept, but there was light filtering through my window. I pulled myself out of bed, and went into the door on the side of the room that let into the little bathroom. I took a shower, washing away all traces of the night at the ministry, and I pulled on a new pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I seriously considered throwing out the clothes I had been wearing, but in the end I tossed them into a mostly empty drawer of my trunk to be washed later.

I made a decision on what I wanted to do next, and I returned to Diagon alley. I went to Flourish and Blotts and purchased several bound books of blank parchment. I stopped in at the Parchment Emporium and bought two wells of a teal blue ink that reminded me of the color my feathers had been and then I returned to the leaky cauldron. I stopped by the bar and asked that Tom have a sandwich and a water jug sent up to my room, leaving behind a galleon to pay for it before returning to my room. I had barely gotten my things set down on the desk in the corner when there was a knock at the door. I answered it, and took the meal tray from the waiter thanking him before I closed the door and returned to the desk.

I sat the food down and just stood there staring at it for a bit. I knew that I should eat, so I had ordered the food, but I was not remotely hungry. I dug out the feather I had collected from Fawkes, and took it over to the desk with me. Somehow it felt like writing everything with a plain old quill would just be wrong. I took a seat at the desk, and I began to write. I wrote every single thing I knew about my transformation from phoenix to human. I wrote about the abilities I had retained in my human form and the ones I had lost. I wrote about the improved mental capacity of being human, as well as the emotional turmoil that that came with it. I put as much detail as I could, even when it was embarrassing to write put the situations I had gotten myself into down on paper.

I went through three journals before I was even close to finishing. I wrote through the entire day, and stopped only to turn on a lamp and take a drink of water when it became dark. I wrote through the night, not stopping when my eyes grew heavy. The sun rose, and I was still writing. I wrote awhile longer, until I had finished explaining what would happen to a phoenix if they tried to pass through the veil of death. And then I stopped. I stopped because everything that I could write to teach someone in the future was down on the paper. But I also stopped writing because I had started to cry once again. As I had written about the veil of death something devastating had dawned on me. I could never pass through to where those on the other side of the veil were. I could never join the ones that I loved. Some of them had already died, and eventually the rest of them would die, and they would go on to a place where I could not reach them. It made my heart feel as if it would burst. And with that weighing on me I bound the journals together, put them in my trunk and climbed back into the bed to cry some more.

I eventually fell back to sleep. My slip was fitful the second time around. Flashes of the events at the ministry mingled with the memories I had gained from the ashes, creating a strange world. The only soothing part of the dream was the phoenix song in the background that I instinctually knew was my own. When I woke up I felt strangely content, and I was certain it was because of the song. I felt more ready to try and tackle life, and that had to be because of the phoenix song giving courage to those that were pure of heart didn't it?

I went over to the desk and at the slightly stale sandwich before chugging down what was left of the jug of water. I grabbed another shower before dressing and packing everything back into my trunk. I shrunk it down and put it inside the purse I had conjured to carry my money in. Then I went down to bar. I settled up with Tom over the cost of my room, and looked through a copy of the Daily Prophet that was sitting on the bar. I saw it was a couple days old, but I flipped through it anyway. IT had the ministry admitting that Voldemort was back as well as the interview Harry had given earlier this year, and an article about Albus. I flipped through it speed-reading before I tossed the paper aside and sighed. It was time to rejoin the fight, and it was time to let go of the baseless anger I was feeling for my adoptive father.

I walked out of the gloomy pub into the glaring sunshine and had to shield my eyes. I needed to get back to Hogwarts, but I was feeling a little gun shy about the flame travel thing after what had happened so I was going to have to settle for the Knight Bus once more. I stepped up to the curb and put my wand arm out. It only took a second for the purple triple-decker bus to show up. I paid Stan Stunpike, told him I was going to Hogsmeade and took a seat at the back. I was jerked all around for about twenty minutes as the bus started and stopped taking people to their destinations. Finally it stopped in the tiny wizarding village by Hogwarts and I disembarked.

* * *

I walked slowly back up to the castle. In no rush to see people even though I knew I needed to reintegrate into society. The walk back probably took ten minutes but it felt like a lifetime. I saw Hagrid by his hut and waved to him but I didn't stop to talk. I knew that I should go see Albus before I made any stops. I saw students out on the grounds, but I ignored them as I passed and entered the castle. It was mostly deserted as I made my way to the headmaster's office. I didn't have to worry about providing the password at the entryway, because Albus was there just starting to go up to his office.

"Hello Bianca," he said softly as he stood to the side allowing me to enter first.

"Hello," I breathed passing him and stepping onto the revolving staircase.

We rode up to his office in silence, and I walked into his office without waiting for him. I looked around his office where some of the furniture was smashed, and I looked at him. He shook his head with a smile and took a seat at his desk, motioning for me to sit as well.

"I hoped you would return quickly," he said quietly. "Though I must admit I didn't dare to hope it would only be a few days."

"I just needed some time to gather myself after everything that happened." I told him.

"I would appreciate it very much if you could tell me about that," he said sitting forward in his seat. "I do not know much about what happened to you that night."

So I told him. I told him about everything that happened from the moment Harry had his dream up through the moment I reappeared on the other side of the veil. I explained why I had been so angry with him when he had never answered any of my message, but had showed up at the last minute to save Harry. It was selfish but it was honest. I told him about what had happened while I had been at the leaky cauldron including everything I had written. He sat quietly looking thoughtful for a long time after I finished.

"I think we should have your writing put into a book," he said finally. "It could be a great comfort in the future if someone were to find themselves in your situation."

"Maybe," I said noncommittally. "Though honestly it should probably include how my story ends before it is published."

"It sounds as if your end might not be very far off," he said, and his voice caught as his eyes began to sparkle with unshed tears. "I'm afraid I have nothing wise to say that can make that less awful."

"Fate is fate," I sighed; I had already accepted what was to come. "Taking the wording of the prophecy into account with the war that is growing more intense each day, it isn't much of a leap to guess how I will perish."

"No I suppose it isn't," he said brushing away a stray tear as it fell from his eye. "I fear I have become rather attached to you my dear. I am unable to be emotionally detached about this."

"I would be offended if you were," I said with a sad chuckle. "But we still have time. We are together in this, until the very end."

"Partners in crime," he offered with a watery smile.

"Of course," I nodded. "But I don't want to think about that just now. I would however like to heard the rest of the story of what happened that night."

So he told me. He told me about Harry battling against Voldemort, and how Voldemort had taken possession of Harry trying to force Albus to kill him in an effort to kill the dark lord. He told me about Harry destroying his office when they discussed everything that happened. And he told me about Harry leaving in a strange mindset when he learned about the prophecy. He showed me the same memory he had shown Harry, and I understood how Harry must have been feeling.

"It doesn't mean exactly what Harry thinks it does though does it?" I asked after the memory had stopped.

"I do not think so, no." he said sadly.

"It means that Harry has to die so that Voldemort can die doesn't it?" I asked.

"Yes it does." He said grimly.

"Why is that? I asked.

"My theory is that Harry is a horcrux, but I still have to research that to be sure my theory is entirely sound." He said quietly

"Horcrux…" I mused. "What is that? I feel like I have heard of it before, but I can't remember what it is."

"It is made when a wizard puts a piece of his soul into an object, to protect himself from death." He explained. "The wizard must split his soul to create one."

I didn't need to ask how a wizard would split their soul.

"Do you think there is only one?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"No. Harry would make two." He sighed. "The diary Harry destroyed in your second year was also a horcrux. I am not sure how many he made, but it was certainly more than one. I have someone in mind to gain more information on that subject but it will take some convincing."

"Who?" I asked.

"Horace Slughorn," he answered without hesitation. "I have to find him first however."

"If you need my help I am more than willing," I told him. "For now though, I think I should go find my brother. He must be hurting right now and I need to be there for him."

"Yes of course," he said quickly. "If I am correct, which I usually am, he is still hiding down by the lake avoiding company."

"Thank you," I told him and I left.

I hurried back down to the grounds, and walked over to the lake. It took me a little while to find him hidden away, but he was there just like Albus had said he would be. I sat down next to him, and waited. He didn't look at me or say anything so I just sat there being there with him for a while. I could see that he was crying, and I couldn't stop myself from pulling him into my arms. To my surprise he didn't fight me. He let me hold him. I lay his head on my shoulder, holding him too me with one arm, while I patted his hair soothingly with the other. He cried quietly and I hummed to him. I found that it was soothing me as well, and I was only slightly surprised when I started to sing quietly to him, and it was a song I had never actually sung before. I sung it quietly and soothingly to help him, but I knew that the words were meant to make me feel better.

_where are we?_

_what the hell is going on?_

_the dust has only just begun to form_

_crop circles in the carpet_

_sinking feeling_

_spin me round again_

_and rub my eyes,_

_this can't be happening_

_when busy streets a mess with people_

_would stop to hold their heads heavy_

_hide and seek_

_trains and sewing machines_

_all those years_

_they were here first_

_oily marks appear on walls_

_where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,_

_the sweeping insensitivity of this still life_

_hide and seek_

_trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)_

_blood and tears (hearts)_

_they were here first_

_Mmmm whatcha say,_

_Mmm that you only meant well?_

_well of course you did_

_Mmmm whatcha say,_

_Mmmm that it's all for the best?_

_of course it is_

_Mmmm whatcha say?_

_Mmmm that it's just what we need_

_you decided this_

_whatcha say?_

_Mmmm what did she say?_

_ransom notes keep falling out your mouth_

_mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs_

_speak no feeling no I don't believe you_

_you don't care a bit,_

_you don't care a bit_

_(hide and seek)_

_ransom notes keep falling out your mouth_

_mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs_

_(hide and seek)_

_speak no feeling no i don't believe you_

_you don't care a bit,_

_you don't care a (you don't care a) bit_

_(hide and seek)_

_oh no, you don't care a bit_

_oh no, you don't care a bit_

_(hide and seek)_

_oh no, you don't care a bit_

_you don't care a bit_

_you don't care a bit_

_(hide and seek imogen heap)_


	62. Chapter 62

_Author's note: Some dialogue in this chapter I taken from the book. I do not own those words._

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: Hurt by Johnny Cash**_

* * *

I did not take the train back to London like the others. The day came when term ended, and I remained at Hogwarts with Albus. I hugged Harry goodbye, fighting back tears as I wished him the best summer possible. I hugged Hermione as well, being careful not to hurt her injured shoulder. I gave Ron an awkward curtsy before running off to Gryffindor tower so I could watch them cross the grounds and disappear. Albus and I would be working through the summer to accomplish many things, and it would keep us travelling frequently. We were going to start straight away, and so we were skipping over the requisite trip home to London.

Most of our summer would be dedicated to collecting memories. Albus had attempted to be elusive with me when we had spoken about it shortly after my return, but I had not allowed it. One decision I had made after pulling myself back together after my journey through the veil of death was that I was going to be playing an active role in the rest of my life story. I was not going to hide amongst the tress for my entire life, not like I had in the past.

"What memories are we collecting?" I had asked him.

"They are about all sorts of things," he had hedged. "They will help us to gain a better understanding of the opposition."

"Albus, no more of this elusiveness," I said stubbornly. "We are partners, until the end, just like you said. Act accordingly please."

"My apologies," he had said quietly. "It is hard not to see you as a child, and I do not want to put such a weight on someone I consider to be my daughter."

"I think of you as my father," I had admitted, my voice growing tight with tears again that night. "But you have to understand that I am not a child. You cannot keep me in the dark. I will not allow it."

"Very well," he had said. "We are collecting memories about Tom Riddle. As you know I believe he may have made several more horcruxes, and I want to know what they would be and how many there are so I might destroy them."

* * *

We had discussed many different memories we would want to collect from different people after that. But it was clear that Horace Slughorn was in possession of the most important memory. Tom Riddle had been close to him in school, and he would most likely be the one who Tom would have spoken to about horcruxes. That memory would most likely tell us how many horcruxes Voldemort had made.

I had been set the difficult task of trying to convince Horace to help us. It wasn't physically difficult, in that respect it was quiet easy, but emotionally it was draining and painful. The first painful part being that I had to use flame travel again, and that taxed me just to think about it after experiencing the blue flames. My job was to show up at the location Horace was at in the dead of night, wander about the premises and call out for him. When he finally saw me I was to bed for his help before bursting into flames and disappearing. Albus explained that lily had been one of his most favorite students back in the day, and we were essentially wearing him down psychologically until he agreed to help. It was underhanded, but I understood the important of both getting him that memory from him, and keeping him from being taken by the other side. It was the only thing that could keep me going to him when I saw how it hurt him so.

We had to cast a spell each time I went so I would have green eyes instead of blue, otherwise he would not believe that I was Lily. I had to gather my courage each time, and force myself to travel by flame. It became easier when I realized, with relief, that it had returned to a state of being free of pain, but it still reminded me of what had happened when I had tried to pass through the veil. It had reminded e so strongly, that the first time I had tried to travel to the location we believed Horace to be at, I had ended up back in Godric's Hollow instead. When I returned to Albus, he explained how like apparition, I had to focus very strongly on where I wanted to go, or I might end up somewhere else entirely. I cleared my mind as best I could and I tried again.

I appeared outside what looked like a deserted house, and I just stood there for a moment attempting to gather myself. Then I took a deep breath, and I started to run around outside the house looking as fearful as I could. I called out to Horace, and it didn't take long before he appeared in one of the windows. I sprinted toward him, begging him to help me. I waited until I saw the light reflecting eyes and then I burst into flames and traveled back to Hogwarts. I wish I had disappeared quickly enough to avoid seeing his terrorized face.

This continued for most of the summer; each time growing more difficult than the last. I didn't realize how much it was going to tear at me to wage mental warfare on someone until I started to notice a change in my behavior. I became sullen and withdrawn, which in itself was not so bad. But after a while I realized I had stopped taking in food almost completely. I felt empty, and it took most of the summer for me to realize that I had slipped back into behavior from years ago. It was different this time, because it had nothing to do with size, and yet it was the same because it had everything to do with hating myself.

I got up each morning and went for a run, attempting each time to run faster than my emotions. I just wanted to keep them at back, but it never really worked. I did for a short time feel somewhat free, so I didn't give it up, but it didn't give me what I wanted. Between all of the travel Albus and I were doing he didn't seem to notice, so I didn't have to defend myself or life. I was relieved to avoid the fight, but troubled as well. If he had spoken to me about it, perhaps it would be easier to stop, as I knew that I should.

* * *

Mid July was full of enough drama to keep my eating habits from becoming a topic at the forefront of anyone's mind. Albus had discovered the location of a third horcrux, and I was going with him to the house of Gaunt to collect it. He summoned me to his office and he explained what would be happening. Then he gave me the sword of Gryffindor, and told me that it would most likely destroy the ring we were going to find tonight. I wondered why he wanted me to have the sword rather than himself, but I did not say anything aloud.

So I bit my lip and I held the sword tightly in my left hand, and I reached out with my right to hold his tightly. I gripped it more tightly than I needed to in my eagerness to experience slide-along rather than using flame travel even if it was only one time this summer.

We arrived at a sad little shack, and everything was silent. The place had clearly been empty for a long time, though we did meet magical resistance when we tried to enter. Apparently a spell had been cast to repel us, and twice we forgot why we were there and started to leave before I noticed that I had a sword in my hand and it reminded me that we were here for something important. When we finally managed to mount the stairs we found that the door had a portus charm placed on it. When Albus tried to push it open he disappeared completely. I waited patiently for him to apparate back and when he was there I suggested blasting it off the hinges. I couldn't cast the spell myself because the ministry would still be tracking my magic until I came of age.

With a swish of his wand the door was blasted away and we entered the house. It appeared Voldemort hadn't expected those enchantments to be broken because we did not meet any further resistance. Then it just came down to searching the shack. As we searched he explained to me that he had procured a memory about Voldemort taking the ring and was rather sure it was made into a horcrux, and that he was fairly sure that the ring had not left the premises. We searched for about an hour, tearing apart every bit of the shack until Albus stopped searching. I walked up to him and saw that he had the ring in his hand. I tried to get his attention, but his focus was entirely on the ring.

He was turning it over and over in his hand, growing more and more frustrated as he went. He would turn it three times, and then look around the shack, his face growing more and more upset. I called out to him, trying to get him to tell me what he was doing, but he wasn't listening. Then after a while he seemed to grow tired of turning the ring over in his hand, so he slid it on to his finger.

I knew before he had finished sliding it in to place that it was a bad idea. As soon as the ring was securely on his finger, he slumped to the ground and began to seize. His body was jerking about, and he was starting to froth at the mouth. I could feel myself starting to panic, unsure of what to do, but certain that the ring was causing all of it. I looked down at the sword in my hand, and looked at his hand sitting on the floor, moving a bit as his body jerked. I made a snap decision and I swung the sword, silently praying that I wouldn't accidentally cut his hand off. The sword thankfully hit its mark, cracking the stone in the ring. Albus stopped jerking about, but he did not open his eyes or get up.

I tucked the sword into my belt loop in my jeans under my robe, and stopped to wrench the ring from his hand. I stopped right before I touched it, suspecting some sort of curse had elicited the strange behavior in Albus, and tore some fabric off of my shirt and used that as a barrier between my skin and the ring as I wrenched it off of his finger. It took some work, the ring did not want to budge, but I eventually managed to slid it off. I put it into my pocket, and then bent to try and pull Albus up off the floor. His body was dead weight in my arms, and I had difficulty moving him at all. I held him tightly to my chest, and let the flames over take me, thankful that they didn't seem to burn him at all. The shack disappeared, and we were once again inside Albus's office. I pushed him into his desk chair, put the sword back where it belonged, set the ring on the desk, and then made a snap decision on whom to go to for help. I let the flames over take me again, and focused on Snape. Seconds later I found myself in his quarters where he was fast asleep in his bed.

* * *

"Get up," I shouted as I shook him awake.

"What?" he gasped rolling away from me, and snatching up his wand and shoving it into my face before he realized who it was. "What are you doing here?"

"You have to come quickly," I said, grabbing his wrist. "Albus is in trouble."

And without further ado I burst into flames for the third time in the last five minutes, and brought Snape with me as I disappeared and reappeared in the headmaster's office once more.

Snape went to work immediately when we arrived. I stood against the wall watching as he cast spells and forced a potion down Albus's throat even though he was unconscious. I held my breath waiting, until eventually Albus woke up. They spoke as Snape kept working. I listened waiting to hear how bad it was; how long it would take for him to heal.

"It is a miracle you managed to return here!" he shouted at him, his eyes wandering to me for the briefest of moments. "That ring carried a curse of extraordinary power, to contain it is all we can hope for; I have trapped the curse in one hand for the time being."

There was a beat of silence, as I stopped breathing once more. Albus raised his hand to examine it, and we waited for him to speak.

"You have done very well, Severus. How long do you think I have?" he asked.

Another beat of silence.

"I cannot tell. Maybe a year. There is not halting such a spell forever. It will spread eventually, it is the sort of curse that strengthens over time." was Snape's answer.

It felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. The little air that had resided in my lungs rushed out of me. I felt my face grow hot as my eyes began to burn with tears that wanted to fall.

"I am fortunate, extremely fortunate, that I have you, Severus."

"If you had only summoned me a little earlier, I might have been able to do more, buy you more time!" he yelled, his eyes wandering to me once more, and I realized he was blaming me. Had the seconds I had taken to hide the evidence of our trip made the difference? "Did you think that breaking the ring would break the curse?"

"Something like that… I was delirious; no doubt…" he said, making sure his eyes did not wander to me. He struggled to straighten himself up in the chair. "Well, really, this makes matters much more straightforward."

They went on to talk about how Draco had been assigned to kill Albus, and to make an agreement that in the end it would have to be Snape that did it to save Draco. I thought he might want to protect Draco on my behalf, as I had spent most of my first year here trying to keep him out of trouble even when he was doing the exact opposite for me. But none of this really settled with me. I felt like my entire world was falling apart, as I slowly sat down and let the fact that my surrogate father would be dead with in the year sink in. How could he so calm about his impending doom? I remembered how he had once described death as the next great adventure, and I thought perhaps I understood why he wasn't frantic, but it didn't change anything for me. He would soon be going somewhere that I couldn't not follow. He would join those that I could never see again. My heart literally ached.

Eventually their conversation ended, and Snape left. Albus sat in his chair quietly for a long time. I knew he was watching me, and he knew I was crying. There was little that could be said in a moment like this. We sat in the quiet for a long time before he spoke.

"Will you come sit with me," he said in a weak voice.

I moved to him quickly, not wanting to miss a single moment with him if I could avoid it. I wanted to sit in his lap, but I was afraid.

"I don't want to hurt you." I said as I stood next to him, my hand resting on top of his uninjured hand.

"I just want you near," he said quietly. "It will not hurt."

And so I sat. I climbed gingerly onto his lap, keeping the entirety of my body off to his left so as not to so much as jostle his right hand. We sat like that for a long time, the weight of the end pressing upon us. I cried, and I thought I might hear Albus crying as well, but I did not look to see. It was a long time before either of us said anything.

"You did destroy the ring," he eventually said in a rough voice.

"It didn't break the curse," I whispered.

"No, but it destroyed the horcrux, it is still a success," he said tiredly.

"Is this what victory is supposed to feel like?" I asked, laughing without humor.

"I suppose not," he admitted. "It feels a bit awful really. But that is two horcruxes destroyed. It is a victory."

"At a very high cost," I said, my voice catching. "Why did you put the ring on?"

"I was tempted." He said quietly.

"That is what you said to Snape," I said quietly. "I want to know what you were tempted by."

"Have you ever heard of the deathly hallows?" he asked me.

"No." I admitted.

"There is a children's story," he began. "In which three brothers outsmart death, and are bestowed with three gifts. One brother is given an invisibility cloak that hides the owner from death itself, one a wand made of elder that cannot be defeated, and one the resurrection stone which can bring a shadow of someone back to life."

"So you think the stone in the ring is the stone from the story?" I asked, quickly deducing where he was going with this.

"Yes," he said. "I am sure that it is."

"And who were you tempted to see?" I asked pointedly.

"Ariana." He breathed softly, almost reverently.

"Your sister?" I asked, curios. "I didn't realize from your stories that she had passed away."

"Yes," he said, pain clear in his voice. "It was an accident many years ago. We still do not know who was truly responsible for her death. It is something I would have liked to ask her if the stone had worked."

"Why do you think it didn't work," I asked after a long time of silence.

"I think it may need to be removed from the ring to work," he said plainly. "Though I am no longer in a rush to try to use the stone. I shall see my dear sister soon enough."

"It seems everyone in our circle is fated to die," I said sadly.

"Every human born to this earth is fated to die my dear," he said softly. "Every clock has to stop ticking at some point."

We sat together quietly for a while after that. In the end I decided to take him home to rest. I helped him up carefully, and transported us back to our flat in London. I helped him up to his room, and tucked him into his bed. He was moving a little better now that his body had absorbed the potion Snape had given him, but he still seemed very weak. I wished him sweet dreams, and I went to my own bed.


	63. Chapter 63

_**Song for this chapter: Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons**_

* * *

I spent several days in the flat without doing much of anything. Albus stayed in bed for the most part, and I brought him meals, and helped him to get up and move about if he needed the restroom. I put all of my energy into taking care of him, and the only time I devoted to myself was to go running each morning. I would get his breakfast, and give him the morning paper, and then I would go running until I was so tired I could hardly move.

After a little bit longer than a week Albus was nearly himself again. He could move about the house without help, and he had a tiny bit of spring back in his step. He started making his own meals again, and I got the impression that he was tired of the pell-mell mix and match meals I had been bringing him though he never actually said it. He tried to share his meals with me, but I had a slew of excuses ready for him. I could see it in his face that he was worried about me, and I was quick to assure him that I simply wasn't hungry. It wasn't actually a lie. My stomach felt like it would never take food again.

I knew intellectually that I needed to eat, but I couldn't bring myself to do it very often. Unlike the last time this had happened, I didn't feel like I needed to change my appearance. Instead I felt so full of the many emotions that were roiling inside of me that there just wasn't any room for food. I was starving, and yet I was so very full.

I spent the majority of my time with Albus, trying to take in every minute I could get before this was all gone, but that took so much out of me that I found myself more in need of alone time than I had ever been before. My running time became sacred to me, but some days I was just too tired to run. It was just a few days after Albus had started getting around on his own once more that I decided I would go swimming instead of running. I dug out my old black bikini and threw it on along with a pair of beat up shorts and a tank top. I grabbed a towel, told Albus where I was going, and headed out.

The walk to the swimming hole seemed so much longer without company. I realized as I was walking it that it was at least five kilometers if not more. How had it always seemed to short? I guess I had always been talking and laughing with Cedric, and so I hadn't noticed how far we were actually walking. I ignored how long it felt now, and how tired it made me, and just focused on getting to the swimming hole.

I was sweating by the time I made it there, and the cold water never looked more inviting. I tossed my towel on to the ground and quickly shucked my shorts and tank top as well as my sandals so I could wade out into the water. I walked out until the water was up to my chest and then I started to swim, just enjoying the cold water on my overheated skin. I made a couple passes, but then I noticed that my breathing was more labored than it should be.

I stopped to float, so I could catch my breath and I felt a rolling pain in my chest. My arms and legs wanted to freeze and stop moving with the strength of it, but I fought to keep my body moving through it. I turned over, to try and swim back out to where I could touch, but the pain made it difficult. It continued to roll in waves and it made it challenging to swim. I sunk beneath the surface during a particularly painful wave.

I came back up sputtering and pushed myself a little harder to get back to dry ground. I sunk beneath the surface once more and came up coughing. Water was running out of my nose and mouth, but I made it onto the shore, and I lay down with my legs still dangling into the water. The pain continued while I lay there, and the only thing I could think to do was to try and calm myself and wait it out. Maybe the pain would stop if I could slow my breathing and calm myself. So I sang to myself, though it mostly felt like I was just singing my thoughts out loud.

_Help, I have done it again_

_I have been here many times before_

_Hurt myself again today_

_And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I am small_

_I'm needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_

_Ouch I have lost myself again_

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,_

_Yeah I think that I might break_

_I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I am small_

_I'm needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I am small_

_I'm needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_

_(sia)_

* * *

The pain had mostly passed by the time I stopped singing, and I was able to take in my surroundings a bit more. The first thing I took in was that I could feel skin touching my skin, and it did nothing to calm me. My breathing started to come in startled gasps as I tried to pull away from whoever was holding me against them. All of the tugging and pulling was only making my chest pains intensify once more.

"Shh," a man's voice said in my ear. "Bianca it's me, it's Ron."

I let out a shaky breath and tilted my head up so I could see his face. The sun was shining behind his head, illuminating his fiery red hair in the strangest way. It made him seem otherworldly. I let my body relax against him, and he folded his arms tightly across my chest. He was holding me, and wrapping me up. It soothed a deep ache in my soul. My relief was instantaneous. Out of the corner I saw Ginny slowly walking away from the water. I wondered if they had been planning to swim before I let my eyes close and just focused on feeling Ron's arms around me. I focused on feeling like I wasn't falling apart for the first time in months.

"Are you awake?" he asked after an indeterminable amount of time.

"I'm not sure," I sighed. "This feels like it could be a dream."

"Should I pinch you so you know if you are awake or not?" he asked with a slight chuckle.

"If pain meant I was awake I would already know," I said quietly.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"Nothing," I lied with a sigh.

"why were you laying on the ground like that anyway," he asked, the concerned clear in his voice. "Did you know you were singing to yourself? It was this quiet, sad sort of singing. I've never heard anyone sing like that before."

"I was trying to distract myself," I explained. "It helped a little I suppose."

"What were you trying to distract yourself from?" he asked.

"My heart was hurting," I whispered.

"Can I help with that," he asked in a strange voice. "Or are you preparing to start avoiding me again soon?"

"You noticed?" I asked, turning my head up to look at him once more.

"How could I not notice?" he asked, and all of his features looked so soft. "You kissed me in the fierce, Amazonian sort of way, and then you disappeared into the night, and it's like I haven't seen you since then."

"Because I kissed you," I said quietly, surprised that I didn't blush. "Here you are just having a grand old time, reveling in your Quidditch win, and I swoop in and plant one on you. And your face was so shocked, and confused, and just wrong, and all I could think was what I stupid thing I had just done. After that I was too embarrassed to show my face around you unless I had too."

"I was shocked," he admitted. "And maybe a little confused, but it wasn't how you think it was. I rather liked it actually, but I didn't know if you really meant it. Maybe you were just caught in the moment, and then you spent the rest of the year avoiding me, and I was sure you regretted it."

I traced the faint lines on his arms that had been left in the wake of the welts the brain tentacles had left on him. I brushed my fingers over them lightly while I waited for the right words to come to me. Ron seemed content to let me do it.

"I didn't," I said finally. "It was strange, when I started to realize that I was thinking of you in that way. At first it felt like a betrayal to Cedric, but then when I started to let that go, it felt like a violation of our friendship. Like admitting those feelings would destroy everything else."

"When did you first notice the feelings?" he asked, and I wondered why he would want to know.

"Do you remember this past fall?" I asked. "When you forced me to go to bed, when I burst into tears over some stupid herbology essay?"

"Yes," he said.

"That was when I noticed," I admitted, and again I was surprised by the lack of blush in my cheeks.

"Took you long enough," he chuckled softly, his arms tightening around me as he pulled me a little closer.

"What?" I scoffed. "Well when did you notice then?"

"In our third year," he said quietly, and his voice sounded like he was admitting a dark secret. "And I hated you for it. You were head of heels for Cedric, and I hated you for making me want you so badly. I guiltily stole moments when you were weak and needed someone to be there for you. As bad as it was, that day during Christmas break when I got to hold you for hours was amazing."

I knew he must be talking about when I had told him about Betsy. I thought maybe I should be upset with him for enjoying that a bit, but when I thought about how I would have loved to have any sort of excuse to hold him the last few days, I knew I would have been grateful for such an awful moment too. I understood that he hadn't been grateful for my pain, because I knew that wouldn't be how I would see it either.

"So what does this mean?" I asked, turning in his arms so I was facing him completely.

"Well I don't really know," he hedged. "But I know what I would like to do now."

And without further ado he leaned in and he kissed me. It was better than the kiss after the Quidditch match, much better. We were both kissing, and I think that was what made the difference. It crossed my mind that I could probably kiss Ron for hours, but that thought was squashed by the fact that I was barely dressed and I still wasn't feeling very well.

"I shouldn't kiss and run," I said breathily as I finally pulled away. "But I actually do need to get home. I was lying on the shore because I wasn't feeling well."

"I can take you to my mom," he offered quickly. "She's good with medicine stuff, and my house is closer. You live a good five kilometers from here. WE are only about one kilometer away."

"Fine," I breathed, caving easily.

I extricated myself from his arms and started to pull my shorts and tank top back on. I tried to ignore the fact that most of my front was covered in dried dirt from lying on the edge of the water. I pulled my towel around my shoulders and let Ron lead the way to his house. My chest felt mostly better, so I wasn't too worried about the walk. I felt even less worried about the walk when Ron draped his arm casually over my shoulder.


	64. Chapter 64

_**Song for this chapter: Hey Jude by The Beatles**_

* * *

Ron slowed down and walked at a leisurely pace when he realized that I couldn't keep up with his pace. I wasn't actually feeling very tired, but the ache didn't seem to pass, and walking slower kept me from wincing when the pains rolled through my chest. The ripping pains had slowed and felt almost like an aching muscle though I felt them with each throb. Taking a deep breath was worse; it felt like I was being stabbed in the right side of my chest. Overall it was still an improvement from how I had been feeling, but I had the nagging feeling that I needed some sort of medical treatment.

When we came within sight of the Burrow Ron dropped his arm rom around my shoulder. I was shocked by an entirely different hurt that spread through my chest, but I did my best not to let it show on my face. I looked at him with a question on my face, but he shrugged and gave me an apologetic smile.

"Fred and George are coming around for dinner, and if they are home already we won't here the end of it," he explained.

I just nodded. It hurt, but I wasn't about to tell him that. I could understand his avoidance of ridicule from his brothers, but I didn't like the idea of being kept hidden.

"So we're sort of secret then?" I asked delicately as we walked closer to the house.

"No," he said quickly. "It's just that we haven't even talked about what we are yet, so I don't want to try and defend that to Fred and George. I wouldn't know where to start."

I nodded again, but this time I meant it. I let him lead me into the house, keeping a respectful we-are-just-friends distance. He directed me into a chair in the empty kitchen, and told me he would go et his mother. It didn't look like Fred and George were here just yet which I suppose was a bit of a relief. I slumped in my chair and waited. It didn't take long for Ron to return with Mrs. Weasley.

"Bianca, it's good to see you," she said cheerily as she came into the room. "Ron said you didn't feel well. You do look awfully peaky. How are feeling right now?"

I looked at Ron, quirking my eyebrow at him. He nodded with a smirk and left the kitchen.

"I'm feeling a little better than I was earlier," I said quietly, not sure if Ron was still listening. "But I'm still not feeling very well."

"What feels off?" she asked, not seeming sure how exactly to proceed.

"Well, I've been having chest pains," I said so quietly it was almost a whisper. "They are fewer and fewer by the minute though."

"Describe the pain," she instructed as she dropped down into the seat across from me look as if she could not keep herself standing for some reason.

"Well my chest is tight," I described. "And if I breathe too deeply it feels like someone is stabbing me. Earlier I was feeling a rolling stabbing pain no matter what I did. That passed though."

"Is the pain in the center of your chest?" she asked.

"No," I sighed tiredly. "It's definitely my heart that is hurting."

"Well, there are a couple of remedies I have heard of," she said, looking up at the ceiling like she was thinking hard. "But I have never done any of them. I think they both should really be performed by a trained healer though. We could call Albus, and have him take you to St. Mungos."

"I don't want to go to the hospital," I said in a rush, waving my hands in front of me. "It will make this seem so much more serious than it needs to be. Besides Albus is ill right now, and I don't want to burden him."

"Oh, is he alright?" she asked, her brow further furrowing in concern. "It's not serious is it?"

"Oh no," I lied quickly. "It's just minor, but he could use some rest."

"If it isn't serious surely he can take you to the hospital," she chided gently. "I think you situation is actually a bit serious."

"Can't you just… try or something?" I asked, aware that I sounded like a small child. "I feel like I've spent half my life in the hospital wing already. Besides, the pain has nearly gone. It can't be too bad right?"

"Maybe," she sighed. "But then again, you could be having a heart attack, and that is pretty bad, especially for a girl as young as you."

"It's probably just stress," I hedged. "You know what the school year was alike, and I still haven't gotten my OWL results."

"Maybe it is stress," she conceded. "But the heart isn't something to mess around with. If you will agree to letting me call my friend who is a healer, to see you here, we could probably have this sorted out in the next couple of hours."

"That's fine," I sighed. "Can we keep this between just us though?"

"Sure," she said, watching me closely. "Let me just send for her."

She went to the fireplace, and conjured a fire quickly. She tossed in some floo powder, turning the flames green, and stuck her head in. I could still see her shoulders, but it looked like her head had completely disappeared. She was surely talking to someone, but I couldn't hear anything. I wondered why I hadn't noticed Harry's head disappearing when he made a floo call at school. Though I suppose I had been a bit distracted at the time. She pulled back, her head clearly on her shoulders, ad a few seconds later another witch was appearing in the fireplace. She stood up and dusted the soot from her green robes.

She looked friendly enough. Her blonde hair was twisted into a loose bun, and she had soft grey eyes. She seemed kind of young to be in charge of anyone's medical care, but how was I to judge? She smiled kindly and crossed over to me.

"Hello Bianca," she said, offering me her hand. "I'm Mary Perks. I'm a healer at St. Mungos."

"Do you have a daughter?" I asked, remembering that there was a student named Sally-Anne Perks in my year as I shook her hand.

"I do indeed," she said with a smile. "She will be stating her sixth year soon. Would it be alright if I examined you?"

"I suppose," I conceded with hardly any grace.

"If you two want to follow me," Molly interjected. "We can do this in the den for more privacy."

I went to stand and follow her, and I was surprised to find Mrs. Perks sliding her arm around my back and taking my hand to help me stand. It would probably be funny to watch, as it felt like she was treating me like she would a 100 year old patient. I found it confusing and a bit irritating. This must have been clear to see on my face.

"We don't want you straining yourself," she explained as she led me slowly behind Molly into the den. "At least not until we know what exactly is going on here."

She led me over to a plump chair and sat me down as Mrs. Weasley closed the door and stood off to the side to observe. I settled into the chair as I looked between the two of them taking in their very serious faces. Mrs. Perks drew her wand out of her lime green robes and turned to face me.

"The spell I am about to cat can be disconcerting for some people," she explained. "It will give me a visual of how your heart is working, but it will cause your chest to feel numb and the skin to become translucent."

"So you will be able to see my heart though my skin?" I asked.

"Yes," she nodded. "It might help to close your eyes so you don't see it."

"That's okay," I answered. "It might be kind of cool to see a heart while it's beating actually."

"Maybe you should be a healer," she chuckled, crossing so she was right in front of me, and leaning my chair back slightly so my chest was angled up toward her. "Could you either push your tank top to the side or removed it please?"

I pulled the side that was covering my heart off of my shoulder and pushed it part of the way down my torso. IT would probably stretch the shirt out, but I didn't really want to be exposed. She cast the spell, but she dd so silently so I did not know what the incantation was. I looked down and I was slightly disturbed to see that it looked like my swimsuit was draped over my bones and exposed muscles. I could see my heat trying valiantly to beat properly, but it seemed to be stuttering and one side seemed to be a little smaller than the other. Was that normal?

"Could you pull the swimsuit to the side for a second so I can get a better look at the left ventricle please?" she asked, and I did as I was told.

She leaned in for a moment to look at things closer. She then pulled back and moved from side to side, getting different angles on my heart. The only time she actually touched me was to pull my arm up so she could see the far left side better.

"Okay you can cover yourself up," she instructed, and then she waited for me to reposition my swimsuit before lifting the spell. "Finite incantatem."

Just like that my skin reappeared under my clothes. It was a relief to have my body look essentially normal once more. Mrs. Perks face however was not a relief. She seemed a bit concerned.

"Molly, perhaps I should speak to Bianca alone," Mrs. Perks said quietly.

"It's okay, she can stay," I said quickly. "She's like a mother to me."

I saw Mrs. Weasley flush at that and offer me a smile but she didn't actually speak.

"Very well then," Mrs. Perks said, taking a seat across from me. "Bianca, you appear to be experiencing moderate diastolic heart failure. It has caused some shrinkage in the left ventricle of your heart, and a slowing of your heart beat over all. You also appear to be having an episode of disruption in your heart rhythm, which is likely the cause of the chest pains."

"Okay," I said dumbly, the medical terms barely sinking in with me.

"The muscle in your heart has shrunk because it is not getting the nutrition it needs," she explained. "Most of the damage looks old, so I assume the larger extent of the damage was done a while ago, but the right ventricle is showing early signs of shrinking, which suggests that it has recently been starved of nutrition."

I didn't say anything.

"Do you understand what I am saying?" Mrs. Perks asked.

I stared at her, unable to voice anything. I was too scared to say it out loud.

"Bianca," Mrs. Weasley said softly. "Have you not been getting proper nutrition? Does Albus even know how to cook? I had never really thought to ask…"

"Of course he can cook," I snapped defensively. "I just… I may not have been eating much… lately."

"Bianca," Mrs. Perks pushed on quietly. "The extent of the damage suggests a history of malnutrition. Can you explain that to me?"

""I'm a recovering anorexic," I sighed, dropping my head into my hands so I wouldn't have to see either of their faces. "I just… I mean this summer… I don't think this is a relapse. I'm just… I'm not hungry."

"Bianca," Mrs. Weasley said sadly, her hands fluttering like she wanted to reach out to me, but wasn't sure if she should touch me.

"Well medically it looks like a relapse," Mrs. Perks said firmly, but still kindly. "I am going to be able to treat this, but you have to adjust your lifestyle to prevent further damage. One thing that will be required is a healthy diet. Are you going to be able to do that?"

"Yes," I agreed easily. "I don't want my heart to fail."

"Very well," she said. "The first thing I am going to do is get your heart back into a normal rhythm. I can use the hinbetament incantation for that, but it is going to be unpleasant. It is going to feel a bit like being electrocuted, and your chest pain may increase for a moment. Are you prepared?"

"Yes," I said nervously.

I gripped the arms of the chair and closed my eyes, preparing for more pain.

"Hinbetament," Mrs. Perks said quietly.

I couldn't be prepared for what I felt like. My chest jerked up and the shock surged through me. I bit my lips to keep from crying out at the instant swell in pain. It rolled away like ocean surface, and in its place was a brilliant void of pain. Everything stopped hurting. As I let my back sink back against the chair I realized that this seemed a bit familiar. With a sad sinking in my chest, I realized that this was the magical version of what those muggle doctors had done to try and revive Betsy, but unlike then it seemed to have worked.

"Are you feeling any pain now?" she asked, pulling me back to the present.

"No," I said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Alright, you are going to need to cut down on your physical activity level to avoid adding too much stress to your heart," she explained. "You also need to make sure you are eating a fully balanced diet that is low in sodium and fat."

"Okay," I nodded.

"No smoking or drinking," she said sternly.

"Not an issue," I said plainly.

"I will send over a supply of angioconverzyme potion," she went on. "You will need to take a tea spoon each morning for the next couple of weeks. It will dilate the vessels of your heart and allow it to pump blood more easily. It needs to be taken with food."

"Okay," I nodded.

"Eat lots of bananas," she said with a smile. "Potassium with help with the healing process, and there is a ton of in bananas."

"Okay," I said with a small smile.

"Contact me at St. Mungos if the pain should return at any point," she instructed. "I mean it Bianca, any chest pains and I should hear from you straight away."

"I understand," I said.

"Alright then," she nodded, putting her wand away. "Your medicine will arrive by owl post by tomorrow morning."

"Thank you," I said quickly.

"Any time," she smiled before turning to Mrs. Weasley. "I'll just show myself out."

She left, and I turned to face Mrs. Weasley who was still standing against the wall watching me. I couldn't tell if she was going to yell at me or start crying. I wasn't sure which one would be worse. I waited patiently to see which it would be.

"Will you be staying for dinner?" she asked, yet it didn't really sound like a question.

"I would live to," I said quietly.

"You need to tell Albus about this, no matter how sick he is," she said firmly, her eyes hardening in a way that suggested yelling might be the final choice. "If you do not tell him I will."

"I will tell him as soon as I get home," I promised, and it was not a lie.

"And you have to follow all of the rules Mary gave you," she said sternly. "You can't go putting your life at risk like that. Do you understand me?"

"I do," I nodded quietly.

"Thank you for what you said earlier," she said softly, the harshness falling away from her features. "I think of you like a daughter as well."

I smiled at that, though in the back of my mind I wondered if she would feel the same way if she knew I had been kissing her son just a short while ago. Would she still feel that way if she knew I fully intended to kiss him again? I sure hope so.

"I'm going to go get dinner started," she said as she moved away from the wall. "Ron and Ginny should be upstairs if you want to go hang out with them."

She went to the kitchen and I began to make my way up the ridiculous Burrow staircases. Ginny's door was open as I wanted to pass it, and she called out to me. I stopped and leaned against her door frame offering her a slightly embarrassed smile. I had no idea what she was thinking of me after the scene at the swimming hole.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asked, doing her best not to look at all concerned. "You seemed kind of out of it earlier."

"Yeah," I sighed. "Everything just kind of hit me out of nowhere. I feel a lot better now though."

"Okay," she said simply, and I knew her well enough to know that she wanted to know more, but that she would not push me. "If you need to talk or whatever, I'm here."

"I know," I said softly, and I offered her a smile even though I felt like I might start crying. "I appreciate that. I was thinking I would go pester Ron for a while. Is he in his room?"

"Yeah," she said with a knowing look on her face that I did my best to ignore. "He's been up there waiting for you to get done with mum."

"Thanks," I called over my shoulder as I started up the stairs once more.

Ron lived right up at the top of the house, so I had to climb stairs for a while. I wondered if this would be frowned upon by Mrs. Perks before pushing that thought from my mind and continuing upward. His door was partially open, so I pushed it the rest of the way in and poked my head inside. He was sprawled on his bed flipping through a Chuddley Cannons catalog.

"Hey," I said, stepping all the way inside the room.

"Hey," he said back, patting the bed beside him. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah actually," I said slipping my sandals off before lying down on the bed beside him and tucking my head into the crook of his shoulder before staring up at the ceiling like he was. "I think I've said this before, but your room is very orange Ron."

"Yeah," he laughed and it shook my body. "I'm a bit of a fanatic. Is it too much?"

"No, it's perfectly you," I chuckled. "I like it."

"Good," he said quietly as he leaned in to steal a quick kiss.

We lay together like that for a while talking about Quidditch and joking about random things. It was nice and comfortable. I felt like a normal teenager for the first time in a long time. Eventually our little bubble was invaded by Mrs. Weasley calling up the stairs that dinner was ready. WE hurried down the stairs and found Fred and George already sitting at the kitchen table.

"Oy, where have you been hiding Ron," Fred demanded.

"Yeah, we got roped into setting the table," George said.

"Isn't that supposed to be your job?" Fred said with a laugh.

"Yeah, I guess," Ron said dully. "I was just looking at some of the new Chuddley Cannons stuff that will come out this year."

I was happy to see that Fred and George didn't seem to think there was anything out the ordinary with what their brother was saying. Ginny bounded down the stairs then and I was sure we were in clear.

"No dad tonight? She asked, looking at the table and visibly counting the place settings.

"No, he has to work late again tonight," Mrs. Weasley said as she brought a pan of what looked like stroganoff over to the table.

We all sat down, and she served us all a helping of dinner. I noticed that she gave me an extra-large portion, and I tried not to let it bother me. Fred passed around a bowl full of bread, and I took some of that as well. We laughed, and talked as we enjoyed the meal.

When everyone had finished their meals Mrs. Weasley jumped up and brought dessert to the table. It was banana pudding, and I couldn't help but laugh. Ron looked at me funnily, and I just told him that I loved bananas and left it at that. He didn't seem to question it further.

After dinner, I told everyone that I should really get home, and started to head out to walk home. Mrs. Weasley stopped me, and said it would be quicker for me to just take the floo. She gave me a brief look that no one caught, that clearly said walking that distance was far too much exercise after the exciting day we had. I nodded, and allowed her to conjure a fire for me to travel by. I tossed a pinch of their floo powder into the flames, stepped in, and announced my address. Just before the Burrow whipped out of sight I tucked my elbows in and shut my eyes so I wouldn't have to watch the spinning. It didn't take very long for which I was grateful; I still wasn't a huge fan of using the floo.

When I stepped out of the hearth I saw Albus sitting at the kitchen table eating a sandwich. He looked up at me, and then looked at the window where it was nearly dark outside. He looked back at me, and sighed at my dirt-smudged body.

"You've haven't been swimming all this time, have you?" he asked quietly.

"No," I answered, slipping into the chair across from him. "I ended up over at the Weasley's house."

"Have you eaten?" he asked, his good hand tightening a bit on his sandwich as the question dawned on him.

"Yes, I had stroganoff and banana pudding with their family," I told him quickly.

"Is everyone over there well?" he asked with a genuine smile.

"Yes," I said. "Though Arthur seems to be working quite a lot. He didn't make it home for dinner."

"And how are you?" he asked somewhat pointedly. "You look a bit disheveled this evening."

"I am well… now." I hedged. "Though there was a bit of excitement today."

"What was that?" he asked, leaning back into his chair and waiting for the answer.

"It appears that my heart was attempting to fail," I sighed, fighting the urge to hide my face. "Healer Perks had to shock my heart back into a normal rhythm and I will have to take a potion for the next couple of weeks, but it should be fine."

"Is this from what I think it is from?" he asked shrewdly.

"Yes," I said guiltily.

"Bianca," he chastised, but it wasn't his voice that lashed at me, it was the deep pain in his eyes. "I have tried to be very lenient, not to push you on this, but if I cannot trust you… I will have to act accordingly."

"Don't get upset," I chided. "For one, it won't do as you are still recovering. For another, I know what I did was wrong. It just sort of happened. I am getting back on the right track now."

"Do you need to see Flitwick?" he asked quietly.

"No, I think I am fairly composed," I said with a small shrug. "Should I not feel so put together tomorrow I will think about it."

"Speaking of tomorrow," he said, and though the pain lingered in his gaze I could see his effort to take the weight back off of me. "We will be making the final attempt at convincing Horace in three days' time. I would appreciate it if you could make one more pass tomorrow night."

"Where is he this time?" I sighed, well aware of the weight that I felt in my chest at the thought of doing it again.

"He is staying in the house of some muggles that are on holiday," he explained. "This pass shouldn't be too invasive. We don't' want him to move gain before Friday. If you could just pace around the yard a couple times while calling out to him and then disappear I think that should suffice."

"I can handle that," I said. "I think I am going to head up for a shower and then to bed. Do you need anything before I go?"

"I could use a hug if you would oblige," he said with weak chuckle as he fought to keep his face impassive. "You worry me so child."

"Same to you," I whispered into his beard as I hugged him tightly before turning to leave. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Bianca," he said.

I took a very long shower, scrubbing off all of the dirt from the swimming hole and the stress from the day. When I felt shiny and new once more I threw on my pajamas and climbed into bed. I allowed myself on small moment to trace my fingers over my lips and to think about how I felt when Ron finally kissed me, before I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The night to take Harry along to try and convince Horace Slughorn to come back to Hogwarts came very quickly. Harry was not to know that I was there, so I was to go to the Burrow, where I would be staying for the duration of the summer while Albus was off doing research, and go to bed. I felt a bit like a criminal, establishing a plausible alibi.

Then I would flame travel to the house Horace was at, hide, and wait for Albus and Harry to arrive. I would do my job, and then return to the Burrow and actually go to bed, so that when Harry finally arrived I would be right where he expected me to be. He would have no idea of the disturbing mind games I had played with Horace.

I had to admit that playing these games plagued me with guilt, but I understood why it had to happen. Horace was very proud, and he was unwilling to give Albus the most important piece to the puzzle. We need him at Hogwarts so we can collect it, and also so we can protected him from being collected by Voldemort. He had to be broken down enough to agree to come to Hogwarts. He was so very against it. So I played my part, no matter how much it weight on me. That was something I was learning as I did more and more work on the road to ending the reign of terror that had fallen around us, my sanity came in second place to the greater good. Sometimes I struggled with that, but I understood why it was that way.

I arrived at the Burrow late in the evening, and I found that Hermione was already there. I spent a good chunk of the evening just catching up with her. She knew that Harry was expected in the morning, so we talked about how we both had been worrying about him, and couldn't wait to see him. I of course didn't tell her that I would be seeing him in just a few short hours. I shared another meal at the Weasley table, and then I made excuses to head up to be early. I was staying in Charlie's old room which was being used mostly as a storage room, but there was still a bed in it.

I did actually la in the bed for a little while, but when darkness had fallen completely around me I spent more time checking my watch than anything else. I tried to refrain from moving more than was strictly necessary so as not to alert anyone to the fact that I wasn't actually sleeping up here.

Just before eleven o'clock I snuck out of bed. I tip toed over to the door with my wand out. Since I was in the house of a wizarding family it was unlikely the trace would catch me casting a locking spell, but I still didn't want to risk it. So I pushed several heavy boxes, as quietly as I could, up against the door to stop anyone from coming in. Then I moved to the center of the room where I was least likely to set anything on fire around me. I focused on the new and yet familiar feelings I was feeling for Ron until I could feel heat rolling through my skin. The room lit up as I burst into flame, and I prayed that no one would noticed.

Then the Burrow was gone, and in a flash of light and a rustling of wings I appeared beside the house that Horace was staying in. My arrival was silent, the only thing that could possibly give me away was the quick burst of light. I slid behind a bush, and waited to see if Horace would have noticed the light and come looking for the cause.

He didn't come out, but I had to keep hiding. It wouldn't do for Harry to see me on his way into the house. I didn't have to stay crouched behind the bushes for too long, but Harry and Albus were a little later than expected. My muscles were trying to cramp by the time I heard them coming up the walk talking to one another.

They passed me, and made their way into the house. Albus left the door open so I could slip in without drawing attention to myself. I stood just inside the entryway so that I could hear what was going on in the living room. No one could see me.

I could hear them repairing the damage they had found in the living room, and I was curious to see what had happened. It wouldn't do to break my cover just to feed my curiosity however. I waited and eventually heard them discover Horace pretending to be an armchair. There was a short bit of conversation, and then Albus asked if he could use the bathroom. This was the cue for me to know my part was coming. He entered the hallway and surreptitiously drew his wand.

He pointed it and me and cast his spells silently. I felt nothing as he changed my eye color, but I knew he had completed it when he swept his wand to complete a second spell. I felt a trickling creeping feeling crawl from the top of my head down my body, and my body disappeared before my eyes. Albus nodded subtly when the disillusionment was complete, and I walked quietly into the living room and over to the other side of the room. Albus moved to a different position in the hallway so that he could see where I would be but Horace and Harry could not see him. He silently removed the disillusionment, and Horace could see me over Harry's shoulder.

His eyes widened and grew a bit damp, but he did nothing to indicate to Harry that they were not alone in the room. I looked at him unmoving for a few seconds, and then I simply walked but of the room and hid once more in the hallway. Albus went to the bathroom, and grabbed a knitting magazine so he would have some proof that he had in fact been in there. We listened to Harry and Horace talk for a bit longer, and then Albus heard something that he took as a sign, and he entered the room announcing that he knew a lost cause when he saw one, and that he and Harry should be on their way.

I slipped quickly behind a shelf in the foyer so Harry would not see me as they left. As soon as the door closed behind hem I walked back into the living room where Horace was standing with his back to the doorway I had entered from. I drew a breath, and that turned him around to stare at me with striking speed.

"Professor Slughorn," I whispered in the most ethereal voice I could manage. "Please protect my son."

I let him look at me with that panicked look on his face for a second, and then I used the emotion that it caused to boil up within me to channel the flames over my skin. I disappeared with him still gaping at me, and reappeared in the bedroom I had been in not too long ago. Realizing the mistake Albus and I had overlooked, I took the risk and cast a spell to return my eyes to their proper color. I pushed the boxes blocking my door out of the way, and then I changed into my pajamas and climbed back into the bed. I sat in the center of it with my arms wrapped around my legs waiting to see if a letter would come to tell me I had broken the statute of secrecy.

When it had not come for several hours I let myself relax. I had listened to the sound of crickets chirping, and eventually the very quiet sound of Harry arriving but I did not react to them. I was supposed to be sleeping after all. I let my mind drift from worries about if we had been successful tonight or not, and with lighter more positive thoughts flitting through my mind I finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I over slept the next morning, and I had missed breakfast by the time I went down to the kitchen. I took my vial of potion down with me, and I was surprised to find Fleur Delacour flitting around behind Mrs. Weasley who was trying to heal a brilliant bruise on Hermione's face. I gathered enough from their conversation to know that Hermione had been caught on the wrong end of one of Fred and George's jokes even though they weren't here. I wondered how I could have possibly missed the fact that Fleur was staying at the Burrow this summer on the two occasions I had been here before this morning, but decided to chalk it up to distraction, and shrugged my shoulders.

"Mrs. Weasley," I interrupted. "Do you have any toast left over from breakfast?"

"I don't have any of the breakfast left," she said looking up. "But there is a banana on the counter by the stove, you can eat it after you take your medicine, and I will make lunch in an hour."

"Thanks," I smiled, and avoided Hermione's curious glance at the mention of medicine.

I kept my back to them as I took my potion quickly, slid the vial into my pocket slyly, and ate the banana that was waiting for me on the counter. When I had finished, I tossed the peel in the garbage, and filled a cup with water from the tap. I leaned against the counter sipping at it, while I watched Mrs. Weasley try and fail again and again to remove the bruise from Hermione's face. Harry and Ron came down while they were talking.

"Harry!" I called when he came into sight. "You've arrived!"

"Yeah, I got in last night," he said with a smile as he crossed over towards me. "When did you get here?"

"Last night as well," I smiled, opening my arms for a hug. "I must have fallen asleep before you got here."

"She went to bed really early," Hermione pointed out. "Are you feeling alright Bianca, you slept really late today as well…"

"Oh I'm fine," I said dismissively, blatantly ignoring the pinched look on Mrs. Weasley's face. "Just caught some random summer flu, that I haven't quiet kicked yet."

I had a feeling Hermione didn't entirely believe me, but she didn't push it for which I was grateful. I released Harry from my hug, and ruffled his hair. Talk about how his summer had been so far, could wait until later. There were all sorts of nerves going on in the kitchen, and I had a feeling trying to get Harry to talk about how he had been since Sirius passed wasn't going to help with that.

"So, Fleur, are you staying here?" I asked curiously. "I must have been so tired last night that I didn't even notice you were here."

"O' I was out for zee evening with Bill," she said with a smile. "I am staying 'ere for a few days."

I looked to Ron and he shook his head, and mouthed later. I nodded subtly to let him know that I understood. We were distracted from further discussion when Hermione spotted four owls flying towards the house. I stood frozen watching as Hermione, Ron, and Hermione stood huddle in front of the window, and Mrs. Weasley opened said window to allow the flock of owls to enter the kitchen. They all landed on the table, and stuck out their legs, waiting for us to take our letters. We hurried forward and grabbed the letter with my name on it.

I slowly opened my envelope terrified of what I would find inside. I expected there to be just one piece of parchment denoting my scores, but there were two pages. The top page was a letter, and I quickly read it.

_Dear Hogwarts Student,_

_Please be advised that due to the unexpectedly high scores on the Ordinary Wizarding Levels, our committee was forced to give out double Outstanding scores. This led to the creation of a new grade to be placed at the top of the scale. This new grading system will not be implemented until the next set of OWL tests. All students and institutions that rely on the OWL results will be informed of the change in the scoring system. Any student to be given a double Outstanding score should consider it to be the new score of Superior, though it will not be properly reflected on the scoring sheer. Should a student that falls into that category wish to have their results reissued in the new scale for a resume, or for academic purposes they should send a request to the Wizard Examinations Office, care of Griselda Marchbanks._

_Hoping you are well,_

_Griselda Marchbanks_

I flipped the page behind the second page, wondering who would have caused the new scoring scale, and glanced suspiciously at Hermione before I looked down at my scores. I disregarded the chart that showed me the grades I already knew by heart and skipped straight to what I had actually gotten.

_Bianca Lily Potter has achieved:_

_Ancient Runes: OO_

_Arithmancy: OO_

_Astronomy: O_

_Care of Magical Creatures: OO_

_Charms: OO_

_Defense Against the Dark Arts: OO_

_Herbology: OO_

_History of Magic: O_

_Potions: OO_

_Transfiguration: OO_

I looked It over and over again, counting three times. I couldn't believe it, but somehow I had managed to obtain eighteen OWLs in all. I had never heard of such a thing happening. I couldn't begin to imagine what Hermione's scores looked like if I had double OWLed in seven of my subjects.

I watched as Harry and Ron excitedly announced that they had passed seven of their tests. They were very excited, and they let me look at their scores. I saw that Harry had only gotten one outstanding and Ron hadn't gotten any. But neither of them really cared about grades as long as they passed so I joined in their celebration. Hermione was being shifty about sharing her scores, so Ron stole her scores and announced them. She had gotten a total of eleven owls, but had only obtained a double outstanding on Charms, and surprisingly she had only gotten an exceeds expectations in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"I knew you'd be the one they had to change the scores for," Ron teased Hermione jokingly.

"I can't believe I did so well they had to invent a score for me," Hermione said breathlessly.

"That's very good my dear," Mrs. Weasley praised, as she got to work making lunch.

"What did you get Bianca?" Harry asked, finally realizing I hadn't shared my scores.

"Oh, I passed everything," I said, trying to casually stick my scores into my pocket. "Though I think I still won't be continuing with Arithmancy. I bet you boys will drop divination now won't you?"

"Who would want to take anymore divination if they didn't have too," Harry chuckled.

"What scores did you get though," Hermione asked. "I mean there are three different passing scores."

"Does it matter?" I asked, focusing on my glass of water once more.

"I guess not," she said slowly, before whispering. "You did really pass everything right?"

"Yes Hermione," I scathed at her.

"Well, tell us your scores then," Ron prodded. "It doesn't matter if they aren't high or anything we just want to know what they are."

"I don't think that's a good idea," I hedge, turning to fill my glass up again so I would have something to do other than talk.

Unfortunately when I turned, Ron snagged my scores out of my front pocket and started reading them. He stared at the page not talking. He would look up at me, look down at the paper, and then back at me. No one spoke, but everyone was staring at Ron waiting for him to say them out loud.

"Well," he said, after one of the longest silences in the history of the world. "My girlfriend is a bloody genius."

"Girlfriend?" Harry asked at the same time that Hermione said "What did she get."

"Wait did you know they were dating?" Harry asked Hermione.

"No, but after she kissed him after the Quidditch match, it was only a matter of time," Hermione brushed him off. "What are the scores Ron."

"You guys kissed?" Harry asked, looking between the two of us. "When did you become a couple?"

"A few days ago," I said quietly. "Is this going to be a problem?"

"No… I guess…" Harry said, still looking in between the two of us still. "I mean whatever makes you happy and all that."

"WHAT ARE THE SCORES?" Hermione shouted.

"Ron, don't say them out loud," I begged, not wanting to see Hermione's reaction after she had only been given one double outstanding.

But Hermione made the decision for him. She snatched the paper out of his hand. Her face turned very red, and it looked like she was holding her breath. After an immeasurable amount of time, she let out a long shaky breath, and her face slowly returned to its normal color.

"Congratulations," she said after a while. "People are going to be talking about your scores for years to come."

"Oh would you just tell me what she got already," Harry snapped.

"She received a total of eighteen owls," Hermione explained in a strange voice. "Her lowest score was an outstanding; she received seven double outstanding scores."

"Are you serious?" Ginny asked from the corner of the kitchen. "How in the name of Merlin did you manage that?"

"Well now that I think about it, she did study for insane hours," Harry said. "You averaged what fifteen hours a day when you count our classes."

"And she wrote so much on her tests I'm surprised her hand didn't fall off," Ron said quickly.

"It was the flash cards wasn't it?" Hermione asked pointedly. "All of the coded stuff you had on there. That's how you did it. You memorized everything we've ever learned at Hogwarts didn't you."

"You have magic Owl dominating flash cards?" Ginny asked her face lighting up. "You have to give them too me."

"That's basically cheating," Hermione snapped. "Beside you won't be able to decipher them. They looked like complete gibberish when I tried."

"That's not fair Hermione," Ginny argued.

"Don't worry about it," I sighed. "She's mad that I didn't share when it clearly made a difference in the score. I would probably be made if it were me."

"Well, I know what will cheer you both up," Ginny said with a smirk. "You can give me the flash cards, and I can break the new score record. Then Bianca wins, because her flash cards help someone wins, and Hermione wins because hey at least someone scored higher than Bianca."

At that everyone laughed. The laughter seemed to help Hermione let go of her hard feelings a bit, but it would probably be awhile before she was okay with the idea of not being at the top of the class like she had always been. Meanwhile I was trying to decide if I should ask for an updated scorecard.


	65. Chapter 65

_**Song for this chapter: Disturbia by Rihanna**_

* * *

We eventually had to go into Diagon Alley for our school things. Traveling there with Harry was an altogether interesting experience. We had to take a ministry car, and have extra security. Granted the extra security was Hagrid so it wasn't as obnoxious as it could be.

Diagon Alley was also in the strangest condition I had ever seen it. Many of the shops had been abandoned. The leaky cauldron was actually empty for the first time I had ever seen. I knew that some of the people who owned shops in Diagon Alley had been abducted, but I hadn't realized the situation had become so dire. A bunch of little shabby shacks shops had been erected around the alley, and they were selling all sorts of things that probably weren't even legal.

I didn't need knew robes this year, so I went with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley to get books instead. I browsed through the shelves, looking for all the books I would need. My list had options for all of the classes I had been taking previously since I had done so well on my owl exams. I was already decided on the fact that I would be dropping Arithmancy, but i had done so poorly in the History of Magic that I was tempted to drop it as well.

In the end I picked out the books I would need for Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Astronomy, Herbology, History of Magic, Care of Magical Creatures, and Ancient Runes. I also picked up a book about defensive spells for the home. I thought it might come in handy. I knew that I would need to pick up some more potions ingredients, but Mrs. Weasley wanted to meet up with the others. It was times like these that reminded me of how much of a loner I tended to be.

I got all of my potion ingredients refilled at the apothecary, and I dashed over to another shop while the others finished up. I grabbed several new rolls of parchment and inkwells. I grabbed a new quill as well, since most of mine were getting tattered and broken, and it's not like I could run around using a phoenix feather at school. It was often used as a wand core, so people would probably be weird about it.

I met up with the others just as they were finishing up at the apothecary and we walked over to Fred and George's shop. It was like a beacon in the dreary and lifeless alley. They had flashy colorful signs, and they weren't shying away from keeping the cheer alive in these trying times.

I felt like a kid in a candy store when we went in. There were so many great jokes and toys to choose from. I wanted to buy everything, but I wouldn't have anywhere to put it all. I toyed with the idea of buying a few trick wands, but decided not to when I saw Hermione scowling in my general direction. I did pick up a self-inking quill, and a couple patented daydream charms, because they looked really fun, though I had no intention of using them in class as was suggested.

I tried to get Fred and George to tell me how they created the shield clothing items but they wouldn't budge. They didn't want to give up a trade secret, and when it dawned on them that I could just buy one and figure it out myself they banned me from buying any of the line until they could get it patented. I sighed, and suggested they make a necklace then, as girls might be interested in something a little less frivolous in appearance, and went to look at other things.

In the end my biggest splurge was on the pigmy puffs the twins had bred. They were so adorable that I couldn't help myself. I bought cage that had pink wire that wrapped up like a birdcage, but there was a transparent wave of energy in between the bars that kept the pygmies from getting out. It was a nice bit of magic really. I could stick my fingers through, and just feel a gently hum of something like electricity, but the little pygmies, stayed back because the field seemed to give them a bit of a shock if they touched it.

I bought a pink and purple pygmy puff for it. And as I was looking through the little critters I found one lonely little blue pygmy puff, and I had to have it. I named them Ursula, Glenda, and Medea, just like the legendary three witch prophets from years ago. I paid for all of my things, and when I left the shop I thought the twins might be smiling more than me. Perhaps it was because I had just dropped 5 galleons and 9 sickles in a very short amount of time.

The trio snuck off to do something so I took the opportunity to buy a couple of the things that Ron had wanted, but his brothers hadn't wanted to give him for free. They smirked at me cheekily as they wrapped up my second purchase, and I stuck it into my bag so Ron wouldn't see it right away. I had gotten him some of the instant darkness powder, the decoys, and a variety box of skiving snacks. Ron still liked to skip class now and again, and I knew he would get use out of them, even if I didn't entirely approve.

* * *

After whatever happened in Diagon Alley, I took to avoiding too much conversation with the trio. Harry had convinced himself that Draco was a newly made death eater, and was trying convincing Hermione and Ron of the same thing. I knew that Draco had unfortunately been brought into the service of the dark lord, but this was obviously not something I could share with the others. It hadn't actually been shared with most of the order. Only those that taught at Hogwarts had been informed. And while I had gotten fairly skilled at keeping the truth under wraps I didn't want to have lie to my friends any more than was strictly necessary.

So I spent a lot of time with Ginny for the last week. When I was able to catch Ron on his own, I gave him the gift I had gotten for him, and snuck in a slight snogging session late one night while the others were sleeping, though it was fairly innocent, and I went to bed shortly after. I also dedicated a large amount of time hiding from Fleur. She was talking endlessly about her wedding plans, and it got under my skin very quickly. First of all she was annoying, and second of all even though I was finally over Cedric, it still bothered me to hear someone planning their wedding.

So I heard a lot about Dean Thomas, and how Ginny's relationship with him was going. She seemed very happy with him, but I wondered if she really liked him. With all the time I was spending with her, it wasn't difficult to notice some of the glances that took place between her and Harry when they passed one another on the stairs, or while we all ate dinner.

We had to take ministry cars to the train as well, as the ministry was extremely concerned about Harry's well-being all of a sudden. It was a bit of a hindrance, but we got onto the train without too much trouble. All the stiffness of the ministry officials actually made me a little nostalgic for the Order of the Phoenix accompaniment we had last fall, and with a pang I remembered that Sirius would never again escort anyone anywhere. I felt a bit guilty that I didn't think of him as often as I had thought of Cedric after his passing.

I grabbed a compartment with Harry, Neville, and Luna. We shared polite conversation for a good chunk of the ride before the subject of OWLS came up. Neville asked if Hermione had been the one to force a change in the scoring system. I proudly boasted on her behalf that she had received a double outstanding in Charms. But then Harry had to go and bring up my scores, and tell them all about how Ginny was trying to con me into giving her my flash cards.

"You made flash cards?" Luna asked. "That's a really great idea. How did you decide what was most important to put on the cards?"

"I didn't," I said plainly. "I just put everything. I condensed it all into different pneumonic devices so it would be easier to memorize it all."

"You memorized everything we learned in the last five year?" Neville asked, staring at me.

"Yeah, I guess I did," I said quietly,

After that I decided to hide behind my new advanced potion book, and avoid conversation with everybody. They talked for a while longer about the OWLS but I stopped listening. Luna kept looking at me like she wanted to ask for my flash cards, and I wondered how many of this year's fifth years were going to be on my case for them.

Ron and Hermione joined us after they had finished with their prefect duties. They were just getting settled in with us, when a younger student showed up and delivered invitations to Slughorn's compartment to Harry, Neville, and me. We decided to go, but I was a bit anxious about him seeing me for the first time as myself. It was sure to remind him of what he had seen this summer.

There were several other students that were in Slughorn's compartment when we arrived. Blaise Zabini, Cormac McLaggen, Marcus Belby, and Ginny were already in the compartment. When I stepped inside with Harry and Neville, I saw Slughorn flush and then try to compose himself. He greeted me with the others, but didn't make eye contact with me anymore than was strictly required. I had a feeling it was going to be very interesting when it came to my relationship with him.

It was quickly made apparent that Slughorn had invited the students that the thought would be most influential due to their abilities or who they were related to. Albus had warned me that he would be likely to start collecting students once more. I personally didn't want anything to do with it, so when he there was a pause in the questioning since Ginny had insulted Blaise I made an excuse and excited the compartment. I returned to Hermione, Ron, and Luna shaking my head about the whole thing.

When we got closer to the school we pulled on our robes and got ready to disembark. I sat with Ron making jokes about how stupid Slughorn was since I could tell that he was feeling a bit disenfranchised over not having been invited along. I held his hand as we walked off the train. We looked around for Harry on the platform, but we couldn't find him, and hoped that he had already grabbed a carriage up to the castle.

The four of us that had still be in the train compartment grabbed a carriage up together, and chatted amicably on our way to the school. When we finally got to the gate, we all had to get out, and be scanned by probity probes before we could enter the grounds. It was just the beginning of the new security measures at Hogwarts.

The feast was much like any other feast, there was just more encouragement to come together during these trying times. I understood why Albus was trying to get the students to work together, but I felt his words were falling on deaf ears. We ate our dinner, and then it was time for bed. Ron took care of his prefect duties, and then we sat together in the common room talking for a bit by the fire before bed. Most everyone went straight to bed, so we had a fair amount of privacy.

"So do you think you will give one of the fifth years your flash cards?" he asked as h sat with his arm over my shoulder looking at the fire.

"I've been thinking about it," I said. "But I don't know if I should. First off all I don't know if anyone would be able to decipher them."

"Well that could be part of the decision on who gets it," Ron said with a laugh. "Maybe you could post one of your nermonic devices, and if someone can sort it out, they get to keep the flash cards."

"Pneumonic devices Ron," I chuckled. "That might be a good idea though. If Ginny and Luna keep pursuing it, I might just do that."

"So did you end up keeping care of magical creatures as a class?" he asked. "Cause Harry Hermione and I just realized we've all ditched it."

"Yeah, I kept it." I sighed.

"Well that's good," Ron said. "We wouldn't want Hagrid to feel abandoned."

We talked for a bit longer before retiring for the night. Most all of the girls had already fallen asleep by the time I climbed into bed. I hadn't realized we had been down there talking for as long as we had.

As term got started there were all sorts of distractions to be had. Students were gawking at Harry left and right, and Hermione and Ron were quiet the riot with their entirely different approaches to being prefects. But the biggest distracting in my life, was the sudden fascination Lavender Brown had developed with Ron. I tried very hard to put it out of my mind, and just let her be, but I only lasted a few hours before my jealous streak shone bright.

We were walking along the hall, Ron making a joke about nabbing a fanged Frisbee from a younger student, when Lavender started laughing like it was the funnies thing she had ever heard and fawning over Ron. Before I even realized what I was doing, I was imitating her laugh in an extremely unflattering way, and muttering about what an idiot she was before storming off.

I didn't see the others again until we had defense against the dark arts together. Snape had us practicing non-verbal spells, which made me gleeful as this was a subject I had been wanting to cover for a while. With all the extra lessons I had received last year, my skill had developed rapidly, but I had not been taught how to use the same magic without giving my opponent warning. Of course this would have been a perfect time to try and practice with my wand ring as well, but it would have to wait until I wasn't in class.

I was paired with Lavender, which felt like a personal punishment, and I spent the first five minutes glaring angrily at Snape, which lead to my lack of preparation when she shot a stinging hex, and hit me right in the face. Snape was distracted picking a fight with Harry, so I took the opportunity to slap her with a conjunctivitis curse. She was smashing about whining that she couldn't so Snape had to go help her. I ended up just practicing nonverbal spells on my quill for the rest of class so I wouldn't be tempted to punch the little wench in the face once Snape had returned her to her normal visage.

I took an unscheduled trip to the library after that to try and get this unprecedented jealous out of my system and start acting like a human once more. I ran into several fifth years who had heard about my flash cards, and wanted to try and buy them from me, so it wasn't long before I abandoned the library as well.

I rejoined everyone later in the afternoon for the potions lesson that afternoon. McGonagall had made Harry and Ron rejoin the class, so they were there, but they needed books and ingredients, so they were a bit unprepared for the class. Our first task was to identify the potions that Slughorn had sitting on the table when we arrived. Hermione jumped at the chance to reestablish her educational prowess and I was in no rush to contest her.

She was identifying the potion that was amortentia, and describing how it smells different to each person who smells it. She was listing what she smelled, but I was distracted more by what it smelled like to me. I could smell mint, rain, and burning wood. It was an altogether heady experience, but breathing in those scents with Ron standing so close to me. It wasn't like our relationship had progressed to that level, but the smell of that potion made me think about it. I took a subtle step back, trying to get that smell out of my head. In a way the burning wood scent reminded me of him, and all the time we spent together in front of the fire, but I couldn't place the rain smell. I didn't think I had ever smelt mint on him, and something horrible rippled in my chest when I remembered who always smelled that way.

I threw myself into the potion assigned so that I could get other things off my mind. Slughorn was offering the prize of a bottle of Felix Felicis to the student who could brew the best batch of the Draught of Living Death. I opened my book to page ten, and set to work. The brewing instructions were somewhat complicated, but not entirely impossible to follow.

I was working away on my potion just as hard as everyone else, but I wasn't particularly interested in the prize. Unless liquid luck would stop the curse that was slowly killing Albus it was of little use to me, but I couldn't just refuse to make the potion either. All of the focus was leading to a fairly well brewed potion through. My potion was right at the shade of lilac it should be, but when I looked up to check how the others were doing I saw Hermione toiling away at her potion, which was stubbornly remaining a dark purple. Seeing her frustration, I made a split second decision, and knocked my jar of sopophorous beans over so it spilled several of them into the potion.

My potion started to hiss, and turned immediately bright green. It looked like it might explode, so I quickly vanished the potion from the cauldron. I would have to take a zero mark for the day, but Hermione would get to win, and no one would know that I had sabotaged my own potion to keep from stepping on her toes again. But Harry sort of botched the entire plan by ending up with the best-brewed potion. I tried not to look shocked, but Harry had never really showed an aptitude for potions, and now all of a sudden he was out brewing Hermione. How did that happen?

* * *

Mostly classes stayed uneventful. As it turned out, Harry's previously owned book had all sorts of extra instructions written in, and that was how he was doing so well in the class. It bothered Hermione, but I personally didn't think it was an issue. I was taken all of my lessons, as well as continuing my extra lessons with members of the order, but after people had heard about my OWL results we could not call it a remedial class, so it was being advanced independent study, and I was just refraining from giving a lot of detail to anyone. Though I did placate Hermione by telling her I was working on advanced defense against the dark arts theory as I had expressed a desire to teach the subject at Hogwarts, and wanted to be the best possible applicant should I get the chance.

I was also taking in at least one meal a day with Albus, trying to get in as much time with him as I could before he was gone, though I couldn't tell the others that. We did talk about the horcrux situation occasionally and show me all of the memories he was showing to Harry, but mostly the meals were about just being together more than anything. He kept me updated on the situation with Malfoy, not that it was that hard to spot his piss poor attempts on the head masters life.

I was better ready to handle the level of stress this year, and of course I also had Ron to lean on if I started to feel particularly crazy. Though it seemed the only situation driving me to actually feeling insane was directly tied to Ron. On more than one occasion I had halfheartedly considered pushing Lavender out of a freaking window. I couldn't tell if Ron was just oblivious to the fact that she was hitting on him, or if he didn't stop her because he liked it. It made me incredibly possessive.

The only other situation that was driving me to fits of what one might call insanity was the fact that Albus had taken to wearing that stupid ring again. He wouldn't tell me why he had it on any of the times I asked, and Snape was mute, though I thought he may have been forbidden to tell me. I worried that it was a sign that he was going much sooner than expected, and this drove me to random outbursts throughout the day. I was set off by something different every time, and it wasn't long before I started to hear whispers about my sanity flitting about. I was pretty sure that Lavender was behind them, but then again maybe I was just being paranoid, thus proving I might actually be crazy.

* * *

The first visit to Hogsmeade could not have come quick enough. And yet it did not bring with it the relief I had longed for. For one thing the weather was absolutely awful. But then Harry and Hermione were dictating the activities and I was quickly losing my patience with it. When they wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks, I wanted to go somewhere else on principle alone. I tried to convince Ron to go to the Hog's Head with me, but he gave me this quizzical look that clearly asked why I would want to bail on Harry and Hermione. I was torn between annoyance at his inability to figure out what I was asking him, and being insulted that he wasn't interested in being alone with me.

In the end I stormed off, leaving him sitting with Harry and Hermione and went to the Hog's Head on my own. I was tromping down the way, burning in my own anger so I barely noticed the hunched figure moving through the awful weather in front of me. I slowed down when I realized that it was Luna, and she looked a bit awful to be honest. Luna was never a girl to be very put together, but today she looked more disheveled and out of step than normal.

"Luna," I called over the strong wind that was whipping our cloaks around. "Hey Luna are you alright?"

She looked up, just noticing I was standing next to her, and I was surprised to see how sad and hurt her eyes looked. I wondered if someone had been being mean to her once again.

"I'm just having a challenging day," she said so quietly I almost couldn't hear her over the storm brewing around us. "I hoped Hogsmeade would help me shake this melancholy, but it hasn't."

"What's got you down?" I asked sincerely.

"Today is the anniversary of the day my mum died," she sighed. "I'm struggling with it a bit."

"Oh Luna," I said, pulling her into an embrace. "I'm sorry. I am going to make it my official job to cheer you up."

"Oh you don't need to do that," Luna said quietly.

"I want to," I said firmly, looping my arm through hers. "I was just going to the Hog's Head. Now we will both go."

Luna let me lead her off to the slightly skanky hang out, and wasn't entirely against my less than admirable plan to try and get the old bar tender to serve us fire whiskey even though neither of us were actually of age. A voice in the back of my mind reminded me that this was probably an awful idea, but I ignored it. I wanted to have a little fun, and Luna certainly needed some.

We entered the dark little pub, and saw that it was mostly deserted. There was an old man in the corner who appeared to have fallen asleep at his table with his tankard, and the aged bar tended was sitting behind the bar with his feet propped up flipping through some catalog or magazine. We walked over and took two of the stools at the bar, and waited to see if he would come over to us. He didn't wait too long before he got up and walked over to us.

"What can I do for you two today?" he asked in a bit of a rough voice.

"We'd like two fire whiskeys," I said in my most confident voice, making a point not to look at Luna.

"Hmm," he hesitated. "You seemed a bit young don't you?"

"I will pay you double," I said, hoping my pocket book could talk for me.

"I don't want any trouble from the people up at the school," he hedged.

"We won't make any trouble for you," Luna said quietly, and I wondered if she was about to tell him we would leave.

"She's right," I agreed, cutting her off before she had the chance to say anything else. "We just want to have an enjoyable afternoon, then we plan to head back to our common rooms and have a quiet evening."

"If either of you breathe a word of this I could lose my license," he said firmly pulling two tumblers from under the bar.

"Breathe a word about what?" I said cheekily and winked at him. "We just stopped in for a soda right?"

He pulled a bottle off of the shelf, and filled out glasses to the brim with fire whiskey. He grabbed a little bowl with some pretzels and set it in front of us, as well as some napkins.

"Two sodas," he said pointedly. "That'll be a galleon."

I handed it over, even though I was fairly sure he was triple charging me. I suppose he was taking quiet the risk for me, so I might as well pay him well for it. I took a huge pull off of my drink, and started to cough. He laughed and walked away from us, returning to his catalog.

"To your mum," I said raising my glass to Luna, watching to see if she would join me or not.

"To mum," she said sadly, raising her glass to tap it against my own, before we drank in honor of her mother.

The second drink was easier, and the warmth filled my chest and slowly filtered through my body I decided I might like fire whiskey quite a bit. I kept sipping at my drink along with Luna, as I struck up a conversation hoping to cheer her up in some way.

"So, what was your mum like?" I asked her. "Do you remember her well?"

"I have a lot of memories of her," Luna said with a smile as she sipped her drink. "She was an amazing witch. I like to think I got my curiosity from her."

"Was she very inquisitive," I asked, wanting to keep the smile on her face that she had when she talked about her mom.

"Oh very much so," Luna smiled. "She was always experimenting. In the end it was her down fall, but she had a very happy and full life before she had her accident."

Luna started to tell me about what had happened the day her mother had passed away. I finished my entire drink before she was half way into her story. I pulled another galleon from my pocket and set it on the bar next to my empty glass. The bar tender took the cue quickly and filled my glass once more. He didn't need to fill Luna's as she had barely made a dent in her drink so he pulled out a tiny glass and put it in front of me. After a couple seconds I recognized it as a shots glass, or something like that which I had seen in a muggle movie many years ago. He poured a green liquid that had a luminescent quality to it into the glass and pocketed the galleon. I gave him a curious look.

"Absinthe," he said quietly, trying not to interrupt Luna's story.

I picked up the little glass, and tried to remember how I had seen the person in the movie use it. I seemed to remember them throwing it back and drinking all of the contents rapidly, so I did that. It tasted like a bitter black liquorish snap, but it wasn't completely awful. I did pull a face that made Luna stop talking to stare at me. But I just shook my head and motioned for her to continue.

"So do you and your dad do anything in remembrance of her?" I asked when she had finished telling me what had happened.

"We go see her head stone once a year, and tell her stories about our adventures," Luna said with a smile. "I just wish I could tell her in person you know?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I like to think that everyone we lose is watching us from above though. That they stay tuned in to everything we are doing."

"I like to think that too," she said.

"To being looked after," I toasted, raising my glass once more.

Luna clinked her glass into mine, but didn't repeat my toast. We drank to our loved ones, and I started to notice that my mind had gone incredibly fuzzy very quickly; which seemed pretty funny to me, so I laughed about it.

"You know, being watched over makes me think of this song I heard once." I said with a slight chuckle. "Maybe it would cheer you up. Do you want me to sing it to you?"

"Sure," she said with a soft smile. "Music is always nice."

It occurred to me that I didn't have my guitar, but as my skin got a little warmer, and my mind a little fuzzier I decided it didn't matter. I took another long pull of fire whiskey, and decided to just sing it a cappella.

_One day SHY OF eight years old_

_Grandma passed away_

_I was a broken hearted little boy,_

_blowing out that birthday cake_

_How I cried when the sky let go_

_with a cold and lonesome rain_

_Momma smiled said don't be sad child_

_Grandma's watchin you today_

_'Cause there's holes in the floor of Heaven_

_and her tears are pourin' down_

_that's how you know she's watchin'_

_wishin' she could be here now_

_And sometimes if you're lonely_

_just remember she can see_

_there's holes in the floor of Heaven_

_and she's watchin' over you and me_

_Seasons come and seasons go_

_nothin' stays the same_

_I grew up fell in love_

_met a girl who took my name_

_Year by year we made a life_

_in this sleepy little town_

_I thought we'd grow old together_

_Lord I sure do miss her now_

_But there's holes in the floor of Heaven_

_and her tears are pourin' down_

_that's how you know she's watchin'_

_wishin' she could be here now_

_and sometimes when I'm lonely_

_I remember she can see_

_there's holes in the floor of Heaven_

_and she's watchin' over you and me_

_Well my little girl is 23_

_I walk her down the aisle_

_it's a shame her mom can't be here now_

_to see her lovely smile_

_They throw the rice_

_I catch her eye_

_as the rain starts comin' down_

_she takes my hand says daddy don't be sad 'cause_

_I know momma's watchin' now_

_And there's holes in the floor of Heaven_

_and her tears are pourin down_

_that's how you know she's watchin'_

_wishin' she could be here now_

_and sometimes when I'm lonely_

_I remember she can see_

_there's holes in the floor of Heaven_

_and she's watchin' over you and me_

_Watchin' over you and me_

_Watchin' over you and me_

_Watchin' over you and me_

_(Steve Warner)_

"That is actually a pretty nice song," Luna said kindly when I had finished singing. "I wish I had your courage to just belt out a song where ever I felt like it."

"Singing doesn't feel courageous to me," I chuckled taking another drinking, nearly emptying my cup for the second time. "It's like dancing, or I don't know. It's just free, and perfect. It's like magic… kind of."

"Most of my customers don't break into song here," the man pointed out gruffly from his stool.

"Well, I will pay to sing then." I said with a mocking sense of his same gruffness as I set three galleons on the bar. "But could you also top off my glass?"

"Alright…" he said quietly. "But you might want to slow up a bit."

I barely stifled the urge to say whatever dad, and just smiled at him.

"Still," Luna said taking a tiny sip from her cup. "You're much bolder than me, and everyone seems to really love you."

"They don't know me," I sighed, looking at how sad she seemed once more. "You are much cooler by far Luna."

"Me?" she chuckled sadly. "I'm not cool. I'm Loony Lovegood."

"Who cares what they call you," I said fiercely. "You are perfect. Hey that reminds me of another song. I would like to dedicate this next one to you!"

She smile at me and shook her head. I though she probably wanted to tell me I was being ridiculous, but she didn't want to be rude. I decided to dismiss it, and sing her another song.

_Made a wrong turn once or twice_

_Dug my way out, blood and fire_

_Bad decisions, that's alright_

_Welcome to my silly life_

_Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood_

_Miss 'No way, it's all good'_

_It didn't slow me down._

_Mistaken, always second guessing_

_Underestimated, look I'm still around_

_Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel_

_Like you're less than fucking perfect_

_Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel_

_Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me_

_You're so mean when you talk_

_About yourself. You were wrong._

_Change the voices in your head_

_Make them like you instead._

_So complicated,_

_Look happy, You'll make it!_

_Filled with so much hatred_

_Such a tired game_

_It's enough, I've done all I could think of_

_Chased down all my demons_

_I've seen you do the same_

_(ohh ohhhhhhh)_

_Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel_

_Like you're less than fucking perfect_

_Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel_

_Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me_

_The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear_

_The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer_

_So cool in line and we try try try but we try too hard_

_And it's a waste of my time._

_Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere_

_They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair_

_Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time_

_Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?_

_Pretty, pretty, pretty_

_Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel_

_Like you're less than fucking perfect_

_Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel_

_Like you're nothing than you're fucking perfect to me_

_(you're perfect, you're perfect)_

_(pink)_

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel

Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me

"Why don't you perform for people more often?" she asked, obviously remembering that I had sung at the Quidditch world cup. "You seem to really love it."

"People stare at me too much anyway," I explained, surprised by how completely truthful I was being with her. "I get tired of being at the center of things. Sometimes I just want to be that average girl in the crowd that no one looks twice at."

"Good luck with that," she said with a laugh, taking a drink.

"I hear you," I said following suit.

I realized as I looked at my glass and saw that it was only half full that I was getting pretty drunk. I could probably have judged that just off of how much I had consumed, but the fact that I was starting to see two glasses in front of me confirmed it. I probably should have worried about it, but instead I was thinking about how I would like to be dancing right about now. I started to tap on the bar, bobbing about in my seat. That was better than trying to questions myself on why exactly I was doing this.

"Man, I want to dance," I told Luna.

"So dance," she said with a smile. "Father says you should never suppress creative urges, it's damaging to the soul."

"Your dad reminds me of my adpto-dad," I chuckled. "But I completely agree it's time to dance. Care to join me?"

"How about I keep your beat going?" she chuckled, starting to mimic the rhythm I had been pounding out on the bar.

I nodded my head to the beat she was tapping out, and chugged down what was left in my glass before sliding off my stool. I swayed for a second, but I tried to turn it into a swaying dance move so the bar tender wouldn't stop serving me.

I bopped around to Luna's beat, and decided that it really need words, but I couldn't think of a song that I already knew so I just started making one up as I danced around the bar and Luna.

_Right right, turn off the lights,_

_We're gonna lose our minds tonight,_

_What's the deal, yo?_

_I love when it's all too much,_

_5am turn the radio up_

_Where's the rock and roll?_

_Party Crasher,_

_Penny Snatcher,_

_Call me up if you want gangsta_

_Don't be fancy, just get dancey_

_Why so serious?_

_So raise your glass if you are wrong,_

_In all the right ways,_

_All my underdogs,_

_We will never be never be anything but loud_

_And nitty gritty dirty little freaks_

_Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,_

_Just come on and come on and raise your glass_

_Slam slam, oh hot damn I smashed my hands on the bar next to Luna's for a few beats_

_What part of party don't you understand,_

_Wish you'd just freak out (freak out already)_

_Can't stop, coming in hot,_

_I should be locked up right on the spot_

_It's so on right now (so fuckin on right now)_

_Party Crasher,_

_Penny Snatcher,_

_Call me up if you want gangsta_

_Don't be fancy, just get dancey_

_Why so serious?_

_So raise your glass if you are wrong,_

_In all the right ways,_

_All my underdogs,_

_We will never be never be anything but loud_

_And nitty gritty dirty little freaks_

_Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,_

_Just come on and come on and raise your glass_

_Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,_

_Just come on and come on and raise your glass_

I went to pick my glass up, and raise it with Luna who had actually decided to raise her own.

_(oh shit my glass is empty, that sucks)_

_So if you're too school for cool,_

_And you're treated like a fool,_

_You can choose to let it go_

_We can always, we can always,_

_Party on our own_

I tripped dancing around Luna's stool, and knocked my own glass onto the floor and breaking it, drawing a very unfriendly look from the bar tender

_(so raise your, aw fuck) So raise your glass if you are wrong,_

_In all the right ways,_

_All my underdogs,_

_We will never be never be anything but loud_

_And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks_

_So raise your glass if you are wrong,_

_In all the right ways,_

_All my underdogs,_

_We will never be never be anything but loud_

_And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks_

_Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,_

_Just come on and come on and raise your glass_

_Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,(for me)_

_Just come on and come on and raise your glass (for me)_

_(pink)_

"That will be enough ladies," he said as he came out from behind the bar with a broom and dustpan. "I think you should leave now."

"I can pay for the glass," I groaned. I was having fun, and I didn't want to leave.

"No, you've had enough. Go be, what did you call it, dirty little freaks? Go be that somewhere else," he said sternly before turning to look at Luna. "Will you make sure she makes it back alright?"

"Of course," she said with a smile pushing what was left of her drink aside and getting down from her stool.

"You're no fun," I pouted at the man, as Luna looped her arm through mine and started to lead me out of the bar.

I started laughing when we got outside. I remembered it being cold and terrible when we went in, but I didn't feel cold anymore. There was snow falling so thickly that you could hardly see. It made me want to make a snow angel. I pulled myself free of Luna, and dropped down in the middle of the road to start making a snow angel. I could vaguely feel that my clothes were getting soaked, but I didn't really care.

"Look!" I shouted at Luna. "I'm an angel."

"You make a very pretty angel," Luna laughed kneeling by me. "But let's get out of the snow. I'm kind of cold."

"Oh alright," I sighed, letting her pull me up, and lead me off towards the castle.

We walked in relative quiet for a while. It was punctuated every few seconds by my laughter, but either Luna didn't hear me or she was ignoring it. She kept a firm hold on my arm so I couldn't wander away from her, and I assumed that she was just being overprotective.

As the castle started to come into view, I wondered for the first time what exactly that drink absinthe had in it. I had heard enough about fire whiskey to know that while it could make a witch or wizard drunk, it should not however cause hallucinations. But I was pretty sure that there weren't normally two green dragons sitting by the castle enjoying a corn cut pipe together. I laughed un controllably at that, and decided to tell Luna about it.

"Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard. When we drink we do it right getting' slizzard." I said, and then my brow crinkled in confusion. That wasn't what I head meant to say.

"We are going to have to pass inspection with Filch to get back into the castle in a second." Luna said in response to my nonsense speech. "I think it's best if you don't talk. Just smile and nod so we don't get into trouble."

I smiled and nodded.

"Very good." She laughed.

She pulled me into her tighter, and I realized I hadn't been walking in much of a straight line, when I tried to match her steps. We stopped at the gate so Filch could run the probity probes. We didn't set off any alarms, but he had a funny look on his face. When he started to lean in sniffing, Luna pulled me through the gate with her quickly and tossed a goodbye to Filch over her shoulder. We weren't very far from Filch when I burst into raucous laughter again. The two dragons had been joined by a purple penguin that was serving everyone hotdogs. What was going on at the school anyway?

Luna led me into the school shushing me as I kept laughing. I tried pulling free of her again, but she had a surprisingly strong grip for such a small girl. I tried twice to crawl around the halls like a cat, but she wouldn't let me. She just kept telling me that we needed to get to Gryffindor tower, and that I could pretend to be whatever animal I liked there.

It took us much longer to get to the seventh floor than it probably should have. But I kept getting distracted by random thoughts, or things that I thought I was seeing in the hallway. I found it funny, but I could see Luna finding it less and less funny as time went on. We finally made it to the portrait of the fat lady, and Luna pulled me to stand right in front of her.

"Password?" the painting asked.

"That painting is talking," I cackled to Luna pointing at it.

"They all talk Bianca, you know that," Luna sighed.

"Oh…" I trailed. "She wants a password."

"Yes, you have to tell her what it is so she will let you in," Luna explained like she was talking to a child.

I started at the portrait for a long time, trying to remember what the password was. The fat lady seemed to be swaying about, occasionally joined by a second fat lady that would disappear frequently. This made it hard to remember what exactly I was doing here.

"Quid Agis," I said after a long time, though I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I had said it.

The portrait hole opened up, and Luna ushered me through it staying on the other side. I looked at her, and smiled for a second, and then I growled at her, and she shut the portrait in my face.

I growled again as I turned, and I saw Ron sitting by the fire. I crossed quickly, but clumsily towards him. Grabbing him by his scarf and singing quietly to him, as I dragged him up, and towards the stairs to his dormitory.

_Rah!_

_Rah!_

_I have a heart I swear I do_

_But just not baby when it comes to you_

_I get so hungry when you say you love me_

_Hushhh_

_If you know what's good for you_

_I think you're hot, I think you're cool_

_You're the kind of guy I'd stalk at school_

_But now that I'm famous_

_You're up my anus_

_Now I'm gonna eat you fool!_

I pushed open the boys' dormitory door, shouted at Dean who was inside to get out, and pulled Ron in after me.

_I eat boys up_

_Breakfast and Lunch_

_Then when I'm thirsty_

_I drink their blood_

_Carnivore Animal_

_I am a Cannibal_

_I eat boys up_

_You better run_

I pushed Ron onto his bed, climbing on top of him and kissing him quickly before pulling back.

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal, Cannibal)_

_I am_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal)_

_(I'll eat you up)_

_I am_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal, Cannibal)_

_I am_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal)_

_(I'll eat you up)_

_Whenever you tell me I'm pretty_

_That's when the hunger really gets me_

_Your little heart goes pitter-patter_

_I want your liver on a platter_

_Use your finger stir my tea_

_And for desert I'll suck your teeth_

_Be too sweet and you'll be a goner_

_Yep, I'll pull a Jeffery Dahmer_

I pulled on Ron's scarf, stealing a quick kiss before I pulled his scarf off and threw on the floor by the bed.

_I eat boys up_

_Breakfast and Lunch_

_Then when I'm thirsty_

_I drink their blood_

_Carnivore Animal_

_I am a Cannibal_

_I eat boys up_

_You better run_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal, Cannibal)_

_I am_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal, Cannibal)_

_(I'll eat you up)_

_I am_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal, Cannibal)_

_I am_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal)_

_(I'll eat you up)_

_Whoaawhoaa ah ahoooo x8_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal, Cannibal)_

_I am_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal)_

_(I'll eat you up)_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal, Cannibal)_

_I am_

_I am Cannibal (Cannibal)(I'll eat you up)_

_I love you_

_Hahaha_

_I warned you_

_Rah!_

_(ke$ha)_

After I growled once more, I latched onto Ron's lips and kissed him with wild abandon. He kissed me back, but I could feel the confusion on his lips. I couldn't get a good angle to try and pull his shirt off with how we were pressed together, so I tore my own off, and that was when he grabbed my arms and stopped me from moving.

"Bianca, stop," he said breathlessly, his chest heaving.

"Why?" I pouted, my heart was racing, and my body was begging for release, and Ron was ruining everything.

"You've been drinking," he said quietly. "I can taste it on you."

"So?" I groaned, pushing myself against him, making him groan back, and clench his jaw in concentration as I nibbled a path down his neck.

"You wouldn't be doing this is you were sober," he panted, angling himself away from me with great effort. "We've barely even snogged, and now here you are trying to shag me. You've had a lot to drink."

"Ron," I sighed, trying to kiss him again, but he dodged me.

"No Bianca," he said sadly. "Believe me, I would love to give in to you, but you would regret it in the morning."

"I hate you right now," I moaned leaning my face into his shoulder so I wouldn't have to look at him.

"So do I," he said so quietly I didn't think I was supposed to have heard it.

I leaned against his shoulder letting my body calm down, and as the passion slowly ebbed out of me, I found myself quickly falling asleep. My last conscious thought was recognition of Ron turning to the side so he could lay me on the bed, and pulling his blankets over the both of us. Then the world faded to black around me.


	66. Chapter 66

_**Song for this chapter: These Words by Natasha Bedingfield**_

* * *

Waking the next morning was an altogether terrible experience. I opened my eyes, and even in the darkness of the bed with the hangings drawn closed it felt like my head burst into a million pieces. I snapped my eyes shut and groaned. I immediately regretted it when the pain within my head ratcheted to a whole new level at the addition of sound.

"S'matter?" Ron groaned sleepily, and I realized that I could not be in my own bed.

"How did I end up in your bed?" I asked in a whispered, trying to ignore the pulsing in my temples.

"Mmmm," he groaned as an answer, rolling over so his back was to me.

It pulled the blanket with him leaving me mostly uncovered. I realized then with a sinking feeling in my stomach that I was not wearing a shirt. Had we done something? I couldn't remember it at all. I racked my brain, and discovered that the last thing I could remember was growling at Luna as she directed me into Gryffindor tower.

"Ron," I said quietly, jostling him a bit to try and fully wake him.

He just grumbled at me again.

"Ron," I said again, much more pointedly. "Ronald, wake up right now!"

"What?" he asked in a whiny voice.

"Did we…" I started, but then I wasn't sure how to even phrase my question. "Did we do… something last night?"

"No," he said quietly, suddenly sounding very awake. "No. You were trying to, but I stopped you."

"What did I do exactly?" I asked in a squeaky voice, feeling a blush creep up in all of my exposed skin.

"You were drunk," he sighed, pulling the blanket back over me. "It doesn't matter."

"Ron, just tell me." I groaned, holding my head in my hands as it made my headache worse.

"You were singing some song about 'eating me up' or something," he said, his voice sounding very tired. "And you were kissing me. When you started pulling your clothes off I stopped you."

"Oh Merlin, I groaned, burying my face in his pillow.

"It's okay Bianca," he said reassuringly, pulling me into an embrace. "We didn't do anything we wouldn't have done if we were both sober."

"You've seen me with my shirt off now," I whined. "We hadn't done that while sober."

"Well I certainly didn't hate it," he said with a soft chuckle. "It's okay Bianca, really."

"Ugh," I grumbled. "I could use a time turner right about now. I shouldn't have done any of that."

"When did you drink anyway, and where?" he asked in an amused voice. "We aren't exactly of age."

"I drank after I stormed off leaving you with Harry and Hermione," I said quietly. "I won't tell you where though. I promised not to get the person into trouble."

"How did you make it back to the castle?" he asked. "With how far gone you were we barely made it up to this dormitory. I have a hard time picturing you walking around in that storm without getting lost."

"Luna helped me." I sighed. "Ugh, Luna must be so mad at me. I was such a nuisance."

"I'm sure she'll forgive you," he chuckled lightly. "Besides, she probably thought you were funny."

"Doubt it," I sighed, rolling away from him and sliding out of bed. "I should go though, I shouldn't have slept here."

"It's okay, it was innocent," he said in a voice that suggested he regretted that. "Besides no one really knows you're in here except maybe Harry and he wouldn't tell anyone."

"Still, I probably shouldn't stay here any longer," I sighed. "I'll catch up with you later."

Ron grumbled a bit, but he let me leave without much trouble. I hurried quickly from the room, relieved to see that all of the curtains on the other beds were closed. Apparently it was early enough that no one had woken up yet. I snuck down the stairs, listening intently, but I couldn't hear anyone in the common room so I dashed from the stairwell and crossed over to the stairs that would led up to my own. Running was a horrible idea, and it immediately upset my uneasy stomach. I forwent my bed as I dashed into the room and headed straight to the adjoined bathroom, barely making it in time to avoid tossing my cookies on the floor.

I was violently sick, and then resorted to slumping against the toiled when I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to the bed without getting sick again. That was how Hermione found me. She was nice enough to quietly wet a cloth for me and press it to my forehead without giving me a disapproving glare. She sat beside me after putting a collorportus on the door, and just rubbed my back soothingly while I waited for the sick feeling to pass.

After an immeasurable time I began to feel slightly better. I hoisted myself up off the floor and told Hermione that I was going to grab a shower and thanked her for being so helpful. I turned on the shower and peeled off my uncomfortable clothes and climbed in. The water made me feel considerably better, but it didn't make me feel like myself entirely. I scrubbed up, and dried off before wrapping myself up in a fluffy robed and going back out into the dormitory.

I tossed my dirty clothes into my hamper and threw open my trunk and climbed down to my little office to take care of a bit of business before climbing into bed. I dug out my bundles of color coded flashcards and I made a quick but permanent duplication of them. I put the duplicates back into my desk drawer and conjured a large manila envelope to hold the originals. I set quill to parchment and wrote my most heartfelt apology to Luna as well as an explanation why I had decided to give her my flash cars. Her Ravenclaw wit should make it easy for her to decipher my numos, but I told her she could come to me for translation if she needed to. I was mostly giving them to her out of guilt, but I hoped they could still repair any damage I had done. I had taken a great deal of advantage of her hospitality and while I could promise it wouldn't happen again, that didn't relieve my guilt.

I put the letter into the envelope as well, sealed it, and charmed it to disappear from my desk and reappear where ever Luna was. Then I climbed back out of my trunk, closed the lid, and slithered somewhat pathetically into bed. I knew I should get dressed in real clothes and star the day, but I would much rather pull my scarlet sweater around me and sulk in my bed while I was still feeling so horrible. So I burrowed into the blankets and tried not to think about how I felt as if I had been run over by the Knight Bus. It didn't take long for me to fall back to sleep.

* * *

I slept clear through to the next day, and awoke to find a house elf delivering a note from Albus. He had made it back from his travels and apparently wanted to have breakfast together. I pulled myself out of bed, grateful that the pounding headache and turning stomach had passed. I pulled on some jeans and a sweater, opting to wear slippers instead of shoes, and pulled my hair into a loose bun as I left the dormitory and made my way up to the apartment behind the headmaster's office.

The door was open when I got there, so I didn't need to knock or anything. I walked in and saw that he was sitting at his desk with breakfast rather than waiting for me in the sitting room. I was confused at this but I said nothing. He motioned for me to sit in the chair across from him, and poured me a bit of tea while I did so.

"I know you have class later this morning, so I will try not to keep you too long," he said quietly. "I wanted to have breakfast together because I have a memory to share with you that I have just collected, but I think we have something else to talk about as well."

"I uh…" I stuttered my mind racing to try and figure out how he could know about this weekend.

"You are probably wondering how I know what you did on Saturday," he breathed, the twinkle still present in his eye. "You did not know of course that the Hog's Head is an establishment which is owned and operated by my brother Aberforth."

"Ah," I sighed. "Sorry."

He set all of the gold I had paid out on the desk next to the plate of eggs.

"Five galleons," he said pointedly, folding his hands in front of him. "That's an expensive lesson you paid for this weekend. What did you learn?"

"That I should never drink," I said quickly. "And that I have a problem knowing when to stop apparently."

"Teenagers will make silly choices, that doesn't make them alcoholics or the like," he said softly. "However, that does not make the behavior acceptable. Particularly considering health issues you have had recently."

I just nodded my head. There was nothing to say in defense of my actions. He was completely right.

"You will serve detention each night this week," he said firmly. "And you are not allowed anywhere near the Hog's Head until you are of age."

"Okay," I said quickly. "I have a question though. If that was Aberforth, why did he even serve me?"

"Sibling rivalry does not quite describe it, and yet it is the easiest explanation," he said before tucking into his breakfast.

I followed his lead, and ate my breakfast without talking. We quickly finished out meal in silence, and then Albus pulled a vial out of his pocket. The pensive was already sitting on the desk, but I hadn't realized he was planning to use it right now. I had assumed he had been using it before I came to see him. He poured the memory in and motioned for me to go first. I stuck my fingers into the liquid-mist and the office disappeared.

I was surprised by the scene that Albus was presenting to me. It was Tom Riddle at his orphanage before he came to Hogwarts. I could relate to his desolate mood, but I felt no pity for him because of what he turned in to. I felt reassured in this lack of pity when it became apparent that he had been torturing the other children during his time there. He had shown the classic makings of a serial killer, and yet no one had raised any sort of alarm. It was strange to look upon his childish face, and see no sign of his maternal family, and yet also no sign of his future visage. He looked almost innocent, if it weren't for the dark look to his eyes.

It was startling to watch him talk about the signs of magic he had noticed in himself, but nearly as startling as when Albus had set his wardrobe on fire. This of course led to the discovery of the stolen trinkets Riddle was keeping inside the wardrobe, and I suddenly understood the great importance of this memory. He had started taking trophies as a child. His horcruxes would be his trophies of his adult life. It also revealed his desire to be anything but ordinary, and his belief that magical people should not be troubled with the business of dying.

"There are many things of importance in this memory," Albus said as we emerged from the pensive.

"Of course," I agreed, listing all of the assumptions I had made.

"I think it is important that we locate the cave he lured those children in to," Albus said plainly. "I think it is likely to house a horcrux."

"Are you asking me to find it?" I said, not sure if I understood his intonation.

"I would like it if you could do that." He smiled. "It will allow me to continue with the task of collection, as well as a bit of time to rest."

"What do we have to go on as of yet?" I asked, trying not to think about the cause for his increased need of rest. "It's somewhere on the coast of England?"

"I believe that vague tidbit is all that we have right now." He chuckled sadly.

"I have discovered more with less," I sighed. "I should go get ready for class though. I will let you know when I have found the cave."

* * *

When I spent lunch with the trio I discovered that Katie Bell had been attacked with a cursed necklace. I also found out that harry suspected Malfoy. I wondered why Harry was hitting so close to the mark, when Hermione wasn't even on the same map. It was a relief to know that Harry hadn't figured out what Malfoy was up to. If he had known he would most certainly react rashly. To be fair, I wasn't sure how I was keeping myself together when I saw the boy. Much of the pity I held for him in my heart had bled away, though I couldn't be sure if that was because he had taken this assignment, or because he had given Voldemort the information he needed to torture me more effectively that summer.

I tried to focus on my classes, and not get too distracted with Ron or with Harry's ideas. Some mornings I got up early to pop out to the English coast and look for the cave. I found a couple but they were nothing special. Other times I would sneak out at night, hoping that I would have some better luck but it was hard to get out as often as I would have liked too. I couldn't just fake sick every time I wanted to go or I would alarm people about my well-being.

Not to mention that Ron was quite the distraction as of late. Something about my little show of exhibitionism had ignited a fire in him. I think if I would let him, he would jump me in the corridors. I was trying to fly under the radar after some of my recent choices, and snogging in the hall would do the opposite. I did find it interesting that while Ron was all hands under the breakfast table, he was in a heated feud with Ginny about public displays of affection. I wondered if this was being driven by the stress of the upcoming match, but opted not to ask him while he was so riled up about everything.

I got post from Luna after a while, and she thanked me for the flash cards, and told me not to worry about what had happened at the Hog's Head. She wrote about everyone reacting differently to stressful situations, and included an anecdote about one time that she had tried to burn up the garden at her house when she couldn't get her mother's plums to grow right. She ended with a brief reference to something I had said to her that was a surprise to me. Apparently I had told her that I wished I were ordinary, and while I didn't remember saying it I could certainly understand while I would have. She said that she could understand the desire to fit into a mold, as she had felt it herself. Her parting words on the subject put an extra bounce in my step.

_'The creative person is both more primitive and more cultivated, more destructive, a lot madder and a lot saner than the average person.' –Frank Barron_

And so for a while I just focused on getting my schooling done, and enjoying my time with my boyfriend. We didn't actually go any further than we had in the past, but there was a new heat between us that made our relationship so much more intimate. As the first Quidditch match grew closer I had to maneuver my schedule more and more to find time to be with him, but it was worth it every time he bit my ear or I clutched his chest that was quickly gaining more and more muscle.

The morning before the match Harry, Ron, Hermione, and I sat and had a tense breakfast with one another. The nerves about the match were high, so conversation was stilted. Ron looked like he was going to vomit, and Harry looked like he might join him or opt to punch the table instead. I was watching Harry trying to decipher his emotions when he reached out and passed his hand over Ron's glass. I couldn't make eye contact with him to figure out what he was doing, so I was extremely confused. His hand had been empty, and yet it seemed he had wanted people to notice that he had done something to Ron's drink.

Hermione did think he had, and she made an ordeal out of it. I made eye contact with her, my brow raised and she immediately thought of the luck potion Harry was in possession of, and a memory of Slughorn telling the class it was illegal for it to be used in sporting events. Harry's silence after her notice of the move made his plan clear to me. He hadn't actually don't anything, but he wanted Hermione to believe that he had slipped Ron the potion so that Ron would believe that he had been given the potion. It was really ingenious actually; because the only thing that was really holding Ron back when he played was Ron. If his lack of confidence were taken out of the equation Gryffindor would definitely win the match.

I kept my mouth shut, so it could play out without interference. Hermione had enough loyalty to Harry not to vocalize her suspicions in front of everyone, and Ron wasn't looking at me, so I couldn't be sure if he thought Harry had dosed or not. They went off to get ready for the match, and I went with a very upset Hermione to find a seat in the stands.

Zacharias Smith was doing announcements for the match, but he was a snarky little pratt so I did my best to tune him out. There was a fiery competition from the first whistle, but that was to be expected when Slytherin and Gryffindor went head to head. Ron was really holding his own though. He blocked a shot a few seconds in, and I went crazy for him.

The match went on, and Ron kept making spectacular saves. Ginny was doing her part as well, scoring 40 points of the 60 Gryffindor had made. The gap kept getting bigger each time Ron stopped Slytherin, and more often than not his little sister followed it up by scoring for us. I joined the others in singing Weasley is our King when Ron kept up the amazing job of keeping Slytherin locked out.

I became distracted from my singing when Draco Malfoy's replacement seeker decided to slam into my brother in an attempt to knock him from his broom. I was still shouting myself horse at him when I realized he had gone into a swift flight upward, chasing after a glint of gold that Harry hadn't seen.

Harry shouted a jeer at him, and while I didn't exactly approve of playing minds games, it did work in distracting Harper from catching the snitch. Harry snatched it from right in front of him, ending the match. Right after the crowd started to cheery Ginny crashed her broom into the announcers stand and knocked Zacharias on his smarmy little ass.

I was laughing hysterically as we got up to follow the crowd out of the stands. Everyone was making plans for a party up in our common room, so I started brainstorming what sorts of snacks to try to get from the kitchens. I had a few ideas, but it might take some time for the house elves to whip them up, so I would need to get down there right away.

"Hermione," I said getting her took look up from worrying her scarf and listen to me. "I'm going to dash off to the kitchens and get some food for the party that's brewing."

"A-alright," she said distractedly. "I'm just going to go catch up with the boys."

I decided to let her nervous nature go, and just nodded before hurrying off towards the school, weaving my way through the other students who were walking more casually.

It didn't take me long to get to the fruit painting downstairs, and I tickled the little pear straight away so the doorknob would appear for me. I was greeted by a gaggle of house elves, all ready to serve me. I was immediately grateful I hadn't brought Hermione with me, as she would have had a fit over such behavior.

"Hello Bianca Potter," said Dobby as he bustled over to me in his tea cozy and tiny little t-shirt and shorts. "What can I do for you?"

"I was hoping to get some snacks for up in Gryffindor tower," I smiled. "We just won a Quidditch match, and a there is a bit of a party brewing."

"Oh congratulations miss," a house elf I didn't recognize said from my left.

"Thank you," I said. "Granted I didn't play, but I will forward your sentiment on."

"What snacks would you like?" Dobby asked.

"I was thinking maybe some éclairs, and crisps," I said while thinking. "And some pumpkin juice might be a good idea."

"We can have those up to your common room right away," Dobby said with a smile.

"Thank you, all of you," I said, and then I turned and left them too it.

By the time I made it up to the common room it was already filling up with students clad in red and gold. I hurried up to dump my scarf and jacket, leaving a much more indoors appropriate red and yellow-stripped polo. The common room was even more packed when I rejoined the fray. I didn't see any of the Quidditch team members just yet, but the house elves had already delivered everything I had asked for and then some. I chuckled when I saw that they had brought a bunch of butter beer, but then it tapered off when I wondered if they brought it here to get it away from Winky.

I was just snacking on a few crisps when Ron made his way into the common room. Everyone cheered as he entered, but I couldn't help but stare at him. He had a fierce looking his eyes and I knew what he wanted. I also knew that I wouldn't say no. For one, this was a celebration, but there was also something about that fiercely possessive look in his eyes that got my blood pumping a bit faster.

He crossed the room in a few brisk strides, and pulled me to him. His fingers laced in my hair, and his lips crashed into mine. I heard hooting and hollering all around us, but I was much more focused on Ron backing me into the corner as he kissed me senseless. His hands were everywhere, and it was a bit like he was trying to devour my face, but he was just excited after the match. Normally he was a much better kisser. Not that I was complaining about his hands. Maybe it was the weather, or the excitement of the win, but I was feeling much more randy than usual.

I could hear the party going on loudly around us, and the occasional cheer probably meant that another of the players had made their way up from the locker room, but I wasn't paying attention to everybody else. When it looked like our snog session wasn't going to be ending, but the party was still clearly ragging on I suggested to Ron that we find somewhere else to be. We didn't want to go up to the boys' dormitory because we were sure to run into one of his roommates, and we couldn't go up to the girls' dormitory.

I led him out of the common room, thinking we might want to go to the room of requirement. Once we were in the hall though Ron took the lead. He stole a kiss and pulled me into a nearby classroom. I saw a crying Hermione sitting at a desk talking to Harry and I backed out of the room wanting to give them some privacy, but Ron stayed inside a moment longer.

When he came out into the corridor to rejoin me Hermione was right behind him, and she looked like a woman on fire. She cast opugno and her little yellow birds started to attack Ron. I stared at her in shock as Ron beat at the birds that were trying to get at him. Hermione's eyes alighted on mine, and I couldn't help but slip into her mind. I was shocked by what I saw there. She looked so angry with me, and I could see that my kissing Ron was replaying over and over again in her mind.

I literally staggered back under the weight of understand that hit me. She had seemed fine with Ron and I being together this summer when she found out about it, but she clearly wasn't. Ron pulled me away down the corridor after the birds disappeared, not distracted from the task at hand. As he pulled me into a different classroom it occurred to me that we had never expressed any part of our physical relationship in front of Hermione until just now. Today was the first time that she had seen us really kiss, and it had brought out quite the reaction in her. I was surprised by how crazily possessive I felt upon the discovery that Hermione had feelings for my boyfriend.

I kicked the door closed behind us as I pushed Ron toward the desk nearest to us. I was suddenly feeling very aggressive, and I channeled it into my kisses as I ran my hands over every bit of his torso I could reach. Ron was not shy about touching me back, and his touches seemed just as greedy as mine.

I moaned into his mouth when his fingers inched under my shirt and began to tease their way up my abdomen. He was feeding a hunger deep within me that hadn't been awoken in a long time. Well technically it had been awakened the other day, but I had no real memory of it, so I wasn't counting it.

"Can I?" he whispered huskily in my ear before following it with his tongue.

I understood what the question was even though he wasn't able to put together enough words to articulate it. I was just as breathless as him so I simply nodded my head, and then hissed in pleasure when his hand found its way inside the cup of my bra. His fingers were somewhat clumsy, but they still brought great pleasure.

I slid my hands under his shirt as well and I scratched my nails lightly over his lower back. He growled out his pleasure before he bit my ear. Things were getting heated quickly, and he leaned back on the desk pulling me with him. I was half way into his lap when our combined weight toppled the desk we were on.

Ron pulled me protectively into his chest, and groaned slightly when he back crashed into the ground. There was a beat of silence and then we both burst out laughing. We extricated out hands from within each other's clothing, and I rolled to the side so I wouldn't be crushing him. We continued to laugh for a while, just lying there.

"Well, perhaps that is gravity's way of reminding us that we were in a classroom not a brothel," I laughed.

"You would never be in a brothel," Ron said plainly before he laughed again. "I don't think I would either, not to mention Mum would kill me."

"Yes she would," I laughed. "Wanna go back to the party?"

"Sure," he said, shrugging when he sat up. "I wonder if anyone other than Hermione has noticed we are missing."

"Probably not," I said somewhat sourly when I thought of Hermione again.

I let him take my hand and lead me back to the party, but I found my cheerful mood was quickly draining away. I debated coaxing him back into the classroom but decided against it. I shouldn't let Hermione get under my skin, and the party was for Ron as his teammates after all.


	67. Chapter 67

_**Song for this chapter: Falling in Love in a Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg**_

* * *

As Christmas drew near, the 12 trees went up, and mistletoe began to spring up all about the castle. With that came the excitement of many kisses from Ron, but also the iciness of Hermione. She was not speaking to Ron or me at all, and it absolutely infuriated me. Ron was taking it as well as he could, not being openly hostile with her, but certainly expressing his frustration that she would suddenly be mad when we had been together for months now.

I was having a difficult time controlling my anger over the situation. I couldn't explain it very well, but the best word I had for it was betrayal. She was coveting something that was mine, and that struck many chords with me, some of them primal. I thought some of my anger might stem from the idea that she would try to take this from me when it was the one thing that had made me happy after everything else had been stolen from me.

As the days went on, and the anger didn't pass, I seriously considered contacting Healer Perks. I was starting feel a real strain on my health. It wasn't a pain I was feeling really, but I was noticing palpitations in my heart rhythm if I got too emotional. I held back from saying anything to Ron about it though. He was so happy, and I didn't want to put a damper on that.

On the last day of classes before Christmas break Harry and Hermione were off to Slughorn's holiday party with several other students. I knew this was the last night I would see Ron until after Holidays so wanted to spend the evening with him. Ron was going off to the Burrow and Albus and I were taking a break from everything and going off on a short holiday to Ireland. Most of the sixth year boys were either at the part or off doing something else. So Ron and I decided to hang out in their dormitory.

It started out innocent enough, with the two of us just lounging about talking about the upcoming holiday, but it wasn't long before we were locking the door to ensure our privacy as we indulged in a bit of a snog. We made a mess of his bed, rolling about as our tongues battled for dominance and our bodies twisted around one another. My heart was racing as the heat grew between us.

As our passions grew I made a somewhat snap decision, and I pulled Ron's shirt off of him. Quidditch had done him well. He had always been lanky before, but not his body was starting to harden and I wasn't going to complain. Instead I trailed my lips over his chest, peppering kisses in my wake. I chuckled when the sparse red hairs on his chest tickled my nose, but he didn't seem to mind. Ron ran his fingers through my hair as I continued my trail of kisses. His hands pulled at my hair and he groaned as my lips closed over his nipple.

"You're a minx," he growled huskily as he pulled me back up his body so he could reclaim my lips.

He took control, and flipped us over. He was kissing me fervently, his weight pushing me down into the bed in the most enticing way. I could feel his growing excitement pressing in to me, and I wondered how far this would go. I wondered how far I was willing to go with this after only a few months.

Ron started pulling at my clothes, but my top was more complicated than the simple t-shirt he had been wearing, so he really had to work for it. He kept kissing me while he tried to get the belt around my waist undone. There was quite a bit of filigree on the buckle, so he was struggling. I was just about to have pity on him and do it myself when he got it undone and tossed it unceremoniously on the floor. He pulled me up from the bed so he could tear my sweater off and then he groaned when he saw the camisole I was wearing.

"Woman," he groaned into my neck as he cradled his head in the apex of my shoulder and trailed his fingers over the hem of the silky shirt. "Are you wearing your whole bloody closet?"

"It's cold out," I laughed breathily as he drug the shirt up over my head.

My neon pink lacy bra seemed to be apology enough for him because he stopped complaining and gently pushed me back down onto the bed once more. His lips went back to mine, but his hands began to wander across my chest. He had a firm grip on me that made me quiver in an embarrassing way. When he pinched my nipple through the lace, I cried out without embarrassment.

"Do you like that?" he asked huskily, his lips moving to my throat and raising goose bumps on my flesh.

"Ung… yes," I moaned, arching up into his hands.

He kissed lower and lower until his lips were just above the flimsy bit of fabric that was covering my hardening peaks. He hesitated for a moment, but then he pulled the cup of my bra down and when it was pushed up by the cup of the bra he took my breast into his mouth. I cried out again, and my heart started to pound so heard in my chest I was sure he must be able to hear it, if not feel it in his lips. I squirmed under his as he continued his ministrations, and as pathetic as it sounded I felt like I might climax from just this.

"Can we?" he whispered huskily against the bare skin of my chest. "I mean… it's okay if we can't. I mean…"

He pulled away from me, siting back on his heels and watching me. His face looked stricken, almost scared as he looked at me as if he were seeing me for the first time.

"Oh Bianca," he said as normally as possible with his chest still heaving from what we had been doing. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. Of course you don't want to. I mean, after what he did… I've been very stupid."

He pulled the blanket over me, like he was trying to shield my body from his view, and I wasn't sure if it was for my benefit or his. I realized then that I had never said anything about Cedric and I being intimate together. As far as Ron knew the only sexual encountered I had ever had was five years ago when Draco raped me. I didn't want to think about rape in a moment like this, and I didn't want Ron thinking about me with another man either. Did I even want this anymore? Was it right? I knew that my bod wanted it, and I knew that Ron's body wanted it as well. That was enough to make up my mind.

"Ron," I breathed, trying not to let my voice quiver at all so I wouldn't give him the wrong idea. "What he did… it doesn't matter. I completely understand if you won't want to do this anymore, but I am telling you with absolute certainty that I want to do this."

He didn't need any more convincing than that. He tore the blankets back off of me and reclaimed my lips. I clung to him with one hand buried in his hair and the other gripping his back tightly as his hands wandered south. He fumbled with the front of my pants for a second before he realized that there wasn't a zipper there. I pulled his hands over to my his, and when his fingers found purchase he pulled the zip down and started to tug my slacks off. I lifted my hips to help him, and kicked them off when they were down by my feet.

"Hmm," he chuckled as he trailed his fingers up my thighs. "I would have pegged you to have matching knickers."

"What's the fun in that," I laughed. "Besides, pink and black look great together."

"Oh yes they do," he said, his voice throaty as his fingers reached black lace.

I could not hold back my moans as he began to massage me. My heart was racing, my body was tingling, and it was so intense that I was squirming underneath him. I could feel my heart begin to skip beats as he worked on my magic bundle of nerves but I paid it little mind. With how I was feeling it only made sense that my heart would skip a beat or two.

Ron grew more hurried by the time my back was threatening to arch up off the bed. His fingers dipped into the waist band of my panties, and he quickly pulled them off of me, pausing only a moment to stare at the exposed flesh before he finished the task of removing my bra. I should have been embarrassed to be so naked in front of him, but I was much more focused on removing his clothing as well. I almost scratched him in my haste to remove his trousers and his boxers, but then he was naked before me and I was licking my lips in anticipation. It was about to happen, and I realized we were forgetting something. I stopped Ron just before we connected. His face was full of worry, and I knew he was wondering if I had changed my mind, if he had gone too far.

"Do you have anything?" I asked.

"um… no," he groaned, burying his head in the crook of my shoulder.

"Okay," I said, trying to think through the lusty haze that was filling my mind. "Um… I think I know a spell for it. It should be fine. Can you hand me my wand?"

He leaned away from me for a moment and rifled through the pile of our clothes on the ground until he found it and handed it over. I waved it over my stomach and cast the spell I was thinking of. Everything looked the same, but I was pretty sure we were protected from any sort of ST D or pregnancy now.

We returned to where we had left off, and it seemed that very quickly Ron was buried in me up to the hilt. He moaned and it came deep from his throat while I panted in his ear. We stayed very still or a moment, and I got the impression that Ron was trying to gather himself before moving.

There was a strength behind it when Ron began to move, and each time he slammed into me it drove me closer to a bright peak of pleasure. I couldn't help thinking about how it was so different than being with Cedric. Ron was not gentle as he gave me pleasure, and in a way it made me miss Cedric, but in other was it just felt so good. Ron was hitting all sorts of different spots and it had me quickly turning into a quivering puddle of mess.

As we neared the brink I realized that we had a serious problem, though Ron would not have any idea. I had officially moved beyond palpitations. Through the waves of pleasure he was giving me, I could feel full blown chest pains that stile my breath away. I didn't want to ruin this for Ron, it was his first time after all, but it was very hard to stay in the moment as they grew worse.

I actually sighed with relief when I felt Ron come undone and fall over the edge breathing my name. I gave him a couple of seconds to lie on top of me feeling spent while he was still buried inside f me before I started trying to get him to roll to the side. I could feel the lethargy radiating off of him, and he moved away from me reluctantly. I tried not to wince in pain as I pulled myself up from the bed.

"Where are you going?" he asked from where he lay as I kneeled on the floor and pulled on my underwear.

"I have to go," I said quickly, unfortunately it came out in a wince that alerted Ron to the fact that there was a problem, but I still stood up to try and find my bra.

"Are you okay?" he asked, lurching upright in bed. "Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine," I panted through clenched teeth as another nasty wave of pain rolled through me.

"You don't seem fine," he said, his voice concerned, as he leaned toward me.

"I'm…" I said, trying to lie again before another pain hit me and my knees buckled, making me grab his shoulder to keep from sprawling on the floor. "I'm not fine. Help me get dressed so I can go to the hospital wing."

"I hurt you?" he asked, as he handed me my bra and picked up my jeans.

"No, I'm sick," Is aid, not wanting to have to explain it all.

"But you got sick while we were… you know…" he said, standing behind me, so I could lean into him and step into my jeans. "What should I do?"

"I just need to go to the hospital wing," I winced, clutching my chest slightly as I bent over to grab my shirt.

"I'll take you," he said as he rushed to throw on his jeans and t-shirt.

He was already completely dressed by the time I got my camisole and shirt on. I stooped to try and grab my sweater and he stopped me. He grabbed my sweater and pulled it over my head quickly. I snaked my hands into the sleeves as he ushered me toward the door. He had both of our wands in his hand and he used his to unlock the door, and then we were moving quickly down the stairs. He held me close to him and I had to admit I needed it. My legs were shaking as the pain grew harder and harder to bear.

We made it out of Gryffindor tower without running into anyone, and without too much trouble. But we didn't make it very far down the corridor before I had to stop. My legs faltered and gave out completely beneath me when the pain became too much. Instead of rolling waves, it was just a constant unending pain ripping me to shreds from the chest out. I started crying, scared that I wasn't even going to make it to the hospital wing as I lay half sprawled on the floor clutching my chest.

Ron lurched into action, and swung my legs up as he slid me into his arms and carried me bridal style. He took off down the corridor, and I was surprised that he could run while holding my weight. I clutched on to his robe, trying to ride out the jostling ride without wince or crying more. Before too long he rushed me into the ward calling out for Madam Pomfrey as he ran. She came out of her office, and pointed to a bed for him to put me on. He stood to the side watching fearfully as she rushed up to help.

"What's going on here?" she asked quickly as she drew her wand and approached the head of the bed.

"I don't know," Ron said before I could speak. "She just got sick."

"It's my heart," I groaned through gritted teeth. "It's failing again. You need to shock it or something."

"What?" she asked clearly surprised.

"It's the hinbetament incantation," I rasped as a particularly high peak of pain hit. "Call healer Perks if you don't know what I mean."

"I take it this has happened before," she said as she cast the spell that made my chest clear, and she made my shirt invisible to boot giving a clear view of my heart. It would pulse with a beat, and then stay still for a few seconds before it managed to get another beat out. I noticed that the pain throbbed with each weak beat.

"Ahh!" Ron shouted in surprise. "What the bloody hell?"

"Mr. Weasley, if you cannot remain calm, you will need to leave," Madam Pomfrey said firmly.

Without further ado, she cast the hinbetament incantation. It was horrible, and my heart didn't return to a normal rhythm. Her face looked determine as she cast it again. My body jerked out of my control for a moment, but my heart did not cooperate.

She did it a third time, and with a jerk, and a gasp of pain my heart finally did what it was supposed to do. She watched it for a few seconds to make sure it would stay like that, and then she returned my clothes and chest to their opaque nature.

"What brought this on?" she asked as she held her fingers to the inside of my wrist.

"Vigorous exercise," I answered vaguely, and if my body wasn't struggling to pump my blood in a normal manner once more I probably would have blushed.

"And you knew that you had a damaged heart?" she asked, her voice somewhere between concern and rebuke. "You've seen a healer about it previously?"

"It happened once this summer," I explained, unable to make eye contact with Ron. "I was on a potion for a while, but when I wasn't having any issues I thought that my heart was completely healed.

"What exactly were you diagnosed with?" she asked.

"Diastolic heart failure," I sighed trying to fight the heaviness that was overtaking my body.

"Okay," she said sadly. "Well, this is just a temporary fix. I think its best we transfer you to St. Mungos just to be safe."

"Okay," I said in a shaky voice. "Can you get Albus for me?"

"Of course," she said turning to Ron. "Please go fetch the headmaster. He should currently be in the great hall."

Ron, who was as pale as a ghost, ran in a dead sprint out of the wad. Madam Pomfrey sat down on the foot of the bed, and just patted my calf gently with a sad look on her face. I knew she was thinking about what had caused this heart issue of mine, and I was grateful that she didn't say anything about it. My body had been flooded with all sorts of endorphins and adrenaline, but as the pain faded and everything calmed down, all of the energy leaked out of me. I tried to wait for Albus to show up and to get the hospital, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I drifted off while it was just Madam Pomfrey and I on the ward.

* * *

**APOV**

When I entered the ward I could immediately see the worry written plainly on Poppy's face. I had already known the situation could be rather dire based on the face of Ron Weasley when he ran up to me interrupting a meeting I was having with Filch and a few of the house elves. We had mostly finalized the plans for maintaining order and cheer in the castle while I would be gone over the holiday, so his interruption did not cause much distress on that front.

I crossed as quickly as my slowly weakening body would allow to the bed upon which Bianca was lying. Her eyes were closed, and she wasn't moving. For a second my heart ran away with me, and I feared the absolute worst, but then I realized I could see her chest rising and falling gently, so I knew she hadn't some how passed in the hours she had been out of my sight. Even knowing how incredibly difficult it would be to end the life of a phoenix I constantly worried about my little girl. I had long ago ceased to see her as the daughter of Lily and James Potter, but viewed her as my own child.

"What has happened Poppy?" I asked urgently when I reached her.

"Albus she has had a massive coronary event. I had to shock her three times to get her heart back to the proper rhythm, and I am not sure the chest pains have passed entirely." The little old woman said with fear in her eyes. "I haven't been properly trained to deal with Heart failure, but from the training I have had, she appeared to be in the fourth stage of heart failure. Albus there is a reason there is no fifth stage."

"If I were to take her to St. Mungos, what do you predict they would do?" I asked her, my mind whirring with a new idea.

"They would give her angioconverzyme potion, and probably ask her to further reduce her level of activity, and restructure her diet again."

"And would that completely fix the problem?" I asked pointedly.

"No, it would just be an attempt to prevent something just like this from happening again," Poppy said sadly. "Medicine of the heart is not a place where we have excelled in the wizarding world."

That was all I needed to hear. I had faith in the muggle medicine system enough to have them at least examine Bianca. Muggles lived with heart defects on a regular basis; surely they had developed a way to repair them.

"Very well, I will be taking her to Royal Brompton and Harefield in London," I said scooping her up off the bed into my arms, with some difficulty.

"The muggle hospital?" Poppy asked in confusion.

"Yes," I said with a tone of finality in my voice that said clearly I would not be questioned on the matter

"Sir, may I come as well?" Ron Weasley asked timidly from behind me.

"I expect we shall be there for several days at the least, and you are expected home tomorrow," I explained. "I think it best if you stay here."

"But I need to know," he stammered. "I need her to be ok."

"I will send you updates by owl," I offered as a compromise.

The boy nodded his head, and I strode from the ward. As headmaster I could apparate within the grounds, but I did not want to do so in front of a student lest the get the wrong idea and try it themselves. When I was out in the empty hallway, I turned on the spot and we disappeared from the castle and reappeared outside of the brown brick building that said Royal Brompton Hospital up above my head. I walked with a purpose up to the front desk, where a friendly looking woman in blue scrubs sat in front of some sort of monitor.

"Hello sir," she said, trying to keep her face collected when she saw the limp child in my arms. "What is our need today?"

"My granddaughter needs medical attention for a heart condition," I explained with a smooth lie mixed in.

"Are her parents on the way?" the nurse asked, as she grabbed a wheelchair and helped me to put Bianca's limp form in it.

"I am also her legal guardian," I explained, as I worried over Bianca slipping out of the chair in her unconscious state. "Her parents perished many years ago."

The nurse nodded, and grabbed a metal chart sliding it under her arm before she grabbed onto the wheel chair and started pushing it down the hall with me following quickly in her wake.

"What are her symptoms today," she asked as she continued to make her way towards an exam room.

"Her heart fell out of normal rhythm and it was accompanied by chest pains," I explained quickly, trying to decide how to translate Poppy's words into muggle medical facts. "She is in the late stages of diastolic heart failure."

"She has a previous diagnosis?" the nurse asked as she changed our course halfway into an exam room and started towards an elevator instead.

"Yes," I explained. "She was diagnosed this summer after her first major coronary episode. She has a weak heart muscles, and I believe it's her left ventricle that is struggling to function properly."

"Alright sir, I am going to take you and your granddaughter to the Princess Alexandra ward," she explained calmly as she pushed a button on the elevator panel, and we started to move. "The doctors will have to run some tests, but it is likely that she will need some sort of heart surgery to remedy her heart failure."

"I expected as much," I sighed, watching Bianca, hoping she would wake up and relieve my anxiety.

"I'm Nurse Katie by the way," she said as the elevator stopped, and the door started to open. "Matron Kathryn is who I will be turning you over too. She is an amazing nurse, and she loves working with youngsters like your granddaughter."

I nodded quietly, and followed her out of the elevator and up to the counter where an elderly woman in the same blue scrubs was looking over one of those metal charts with a younger nurse.

"Kathryn I have a new patient for you," she said offering her the metal chart she was carrying. "I haven't started her chart, but through the initial interview I discovered that this was the place to bring here."

She took the chart, and said a thank you to Katie, before she took over Bianca's chair, and led us down the hall.

"I'm Nurse Kathryn," she said in a friendly voice as we walked to a different room on the ward. "What are your names?"

"I am Albus Dumbledore," I spoke up, opting to leave out the rest of my name. "This is my granddaughter Bianca Potter."

She led us into a room that she called a bay that had three beds in it, but they were all empty, she pulled the chair over to a bed, and with surprising speed and strength she moved Bianca from the chair to the bed, and set to work connecting to all sorts of wires and machines while I repeated what I had explained to the other nurse. When a machine started beeping, and she had strung a tube that went into Bianca's nose she moved on to filling in the chart as she asked me all sorts of medical history questions.

I had to practice legilimency on her to find some of the answers she would need to heart to expedite Bianca's care, as she had not seen a muggle doctor up to this point we didn't have enough truthful answers. From the information I gathered from the nurse, I also made a snap decision not to share the entire truth about how Bianca had gotten as sick as she was. I sited an intense and long-term battle with influenza as the reason for the extreme weight loss several years ago that had caused the heart damage.

When she had the chart filled out, and had the information she needed, she hurried off to get a doctor, and I sat listening to the beeping coming from the monitor that Bianca was now attached too. It seemed to be monitoring her heart, but it was beeping in a faster pattern than my own heart was so that was alarming. After a while Nurse Kathryn came back with a male doctor who looked to be in his late thirties.

"Hello, I'm doctor Farrow," he introduced himself as he shook my hand. "Nurse Kathryn has explained the situation to me, and I would like to take Bianca up for an MRI so we can get a better idea of what exactly we are looking at here, before we make any care decisions."

I gave him consent, and they quickly went to work rolling Bianca's bed and the equipment she was hooked up to out of the room and off too some other room. I was asked to wait for their return so I stayed in the room, pacing about while I worried about Bianca, and my choice to bring her to a muggle hospital. I lost track of time while I waited, but eventually they wheeled her back in the room, and I was surprised to see that she still had not woken up.

"Mr. Dumbledore," Dr. Farrow said as he turned to face me after getting Bianca settled. "Bianca's heart is suffering from diastolic failure, which you knew, but I believe I have a solution for you. The left ventricle is distorted with a cardiac aneurism, which is causing her heart to work twice as hard to do its job. I would like to perform a Dor procedure to remove the aneurism and the surrounding necrotic muscle and essentially return the heart to its original size and shape."

"What are the risks?" I asked, looking only at Bianca, trying not to think about this man cutting her chest open.

"Well, it doesn't look like she will need a coronary artery bypass graft, so the larger risk is taken away," he explained, unfazed by my question. "We will still have to put her on bypass, so there is a risk of loss of brain function if we don't get her off of it soon enough. And of course there is risk of something going wrong in any surgery, but I assure you that we are a very strong surgical unit here, and this is a fairly routine procedure."

"Is there a risk of this Dor thing not working properly?" I asked.

"With the synthetic patch we place after we remove the dead tissue, there is little to no risk of the seal being torn open," he said calmly. "After a recovery period, Bianca should be able to return to a regular lifestyle without worrying."

"Synthetic?" I pushed. "You are going to put something inorganic inside of her heart?"

"That is the typical procedure," he hedged. "But if that is an issue we can place an autologous patch in place of a Dacron patch."

"What is the autologous patch made of?" I asked.

"It is cut from the pericardium, or the sac around the heart," he explained. "We often us bovine pericardium."

"Is there ever any issue with cow tissue not being accepted in the human body?" I asked.

"Only in the rarest of situations," the doctor answered easily.

"Ok," I sighed. "Let's do the bovine patch then."

"Alright," I just need you to sign some paper work with Kathryn, and we will start getting Bianca prepped for surgery."

Kathryn led me to a sitting room where I filled out paperwork, while the doctor and some other nurses got Bianca ready to be sliced open. I prayed that I was making the right decision. I paced about the waiting room they had left me in, while they operated. No one came to see me for a very long time, and I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. I waited to find out if Bianca would be okay. I waited to find out if the bypass they were putting her on would cause damage to her mind. I just waited.


	68. Chapter 68

_**Song for this chapter: The Funeral by Band of Horses**_

* * *

I woke up confused and slightly annoyed. I was both confused and annoyed by a beep that kept going off in my ear. I was also confused because my mind felt very fuzzy, and I didn't seem to be able to really feel my body. I was aware that I was lying in a bed, and it was soft, but my limbs sort of felt like J-ello or something. There was also something on my face. I opened up my eyes, and reached up to try and pull off whatever was sitting under my nose.

"Ah, ah ah," a deep male voice said and I felt a hand covered in fabric close over mine. "Don't take that off Bianca."

"Albus?" I croaked the blurriness fading from my eyes so I could see him. "What's going on?"

"You've just had surgery at a muggle hospital," he said quietly. "You are hooked up to some machines. I will need to let the nurse know that you have woken up. I've told them that I am your grandfather."

He hurried out of the room and I made the choice to try and sit up. As it turns out it was a poor decision, and my body didn't really cooperate. I discovered the limits of whatever they had given me to stop the pain I had been feeling before I slipped into darkness. My chest strained and something tugged painfully. I slumped back into the pillows just as Albus came back into the room with a friendly looking old woman wearing blue scrubs.

"You're awake," she said with a smile. "Hello Bianca. I'm Kathryn and I will be your nurse while you are here."

"Hello," I said, my voice coming out a little clearer on my second attempt at speech.

"We just need to go through a few routine questions first," she said as she came around to the head of my bed and fiddled with some of the equipment that was attached to me. Thankfully the volume of the beeping that was so irritating went so low that I almost couldn't hear it. "How is your pain?"

"I'm not really in any," I shrugged, and then I winced. "Well as long as I don't move."

"Can you follow my fingers?" she asked as she moved them back and forth in front of my face, and I did as she asked. "Good, good."

"The surgery was successful, and you seem to be recovering nicely so far. We should only have to keep you here for about eight days." She explained. "Today you should rest, but we will start getting you up and about tomorrow. It shouldn't take too long to get you back on your feet."

"Do I have to keep this thing on?" I asked, tapping the plastic tube under my nose. "It's uncomfortable."

"It should be fine to take it off. You seem to be breathing just fine," she said as she began to delicately take the tube off. "If you start to have any trouble breathing, press this blue button and I will come back and help you put the tube back on, alright?"

I nodded, and she bustled out of the room. I looked over at Albus who was sitting peacefully in the chair beside my bed. I noticed that he was wearing glove, and for a moment I thought that was very odd. Then I remembered his hand and I snapped out of the strange haze I had been floating in.

"A muggle hospital Albus?" I asked in confusion.

"Yes, a muggle hospital," he said with a smile. "There wasn't much more a healer was going to be able to do for you. Yet just after a few hours with these muffles you should make a full recovery. Granted cutting you open seems a bit barbaric."

"I'm going to have a nasty scar aren't I?" I laughed sadly, gesturing to the bandages I could see peeking out from the neck of the gown I was wearing. "It looks like the incision is pretty big."

"Yes, they opened your chest up," he sighed. "But we will heal the stitching properly when we return. You shouldn't end up with a scar in the end. And since it appears to have gone straight through your old scar you won't have that either."

"That will be weird," I said, unsure of how I felt. "Granted it will be easier to pick out clothes without having to worry about scars."

He laughed at that, but I saw the strain around his eyes. He had been very worried.

"So what did they do exactly?" I asked carefully.

"They cut away the heart muscle that had died, and repaired the part that had been distorted," he explained the best he could. "Your heart has been returned to a healthy size and shape, though there is a patch they put in there. They said there cold be some scar tissue from the stitches they placed."

"Will we get rid of those stitches as well?" I asked.

"I don't think that would be wise," he said with a shake of the head. "They said the scarring shouldn't' be an issue, and I wouldn't want to risk undoing what they did to repair the damage."

We talking for a little while longer, but it wasn't of much consequence. I eventually grew very tired. When my nurse came back to give me another dose of pain medication, it put me right out. The last thing I saw before I fell asleep was Albus watching me with sad eyes.

* * *

Time in the muggle hospital moved by me at a strikingly fast pace. The food served to me seemed a bit sketchy, but I did not complain. I always seemed to have some nurse or doctor in my room, so I couldn't grow lonely during the times that Albus needed to leave to eat or sleep. I wondered if he was upset that our Christmas plans had been ruined, but he never said anything about it.

After the first day they started having me get up and move about every now and then. It would be a lie to say that it wasn't awful. My body hurt quite a bit when I tried to move around, but it did get a little bit easier each time. By the third day of my stay they had weaned me off of the heavy duty pain killers, so I no longer had to have an IV attached to me. It was an immense improvement to stop feeling so fuzzy, and the pain was slowly getting better so I had a happy outlook on the whole situation.

I tried not be cranky when Albus told me we would not be making the trip to Ireland after my release either. We would be returning to the castle after my hospital stay, both so Madam Pomfrey could check on me from time to time and because we would have already missed a little over half of our trip anyway. I had to try a bit harder not to be a moody patient when I learned that I would be spending Christmas day in the muggle hospital.

It wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. Albus brought me a very tasty piece of cake from the bakery down the street, and we sand Christmas carols together and strolled around the hospital together. We stood and watched the nurses taking are of the babies on the Rose ward, and made up stories about what their futures would be like.

Overall it was a nice day. I wondered before I went to bed what Ron's Christmas had been like, but I didn't ask Albus if he knew. I felt sort of panicked when I thought about Ron. He was probably traumatized by the whole ordeal. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to break up with me. Maybe he wanted to be with Hermione now. She had a much easier life to deal with than I did. It would be as easy as breathing with her. I had to push that thought from my mind to keep from crying.

* * *

The return to the castle was exceptionally quiet. It was quiet because there were hardly any students there, and because I was expected to be restful and not do much. But most of all it was quiet because Albus left to attend to research once I was safely in the care of Madam Pomfrey. So I sent the remainder of my break either hanging out with Hagrid down at his hut, making my daily trip to check in at the hospital wing, and just wandering about the castle. I was actually feeling much better but I still made a point not to exert myself. I also made a point not to flame travel. I knew I would need to start searching for the cave again, but it felt too risky while my heart was still healing. Madam Pomfrey had made the wound disappear from my chest in just a few seconds, but who really knew how long it would take for my heart to be completely right again?

When the other students started to return it was nice. I liked having people closer to my age to talk to again. Hermione arrived before Harry and Ron, but we didn't talk much. When I let go of the anger and jealousy I felt toward her, all I felt was awkwardness. Sadly it didn't change the fact that Hermione felt scorned and cheated. There wasn't much I could say. She picked a really awful time to suddenly discover her feelings for Ron.

I felt a little better when Ron finally arrived and she wouldn't talk to him either. It wasn't quite as lonely when I wasn't the only being shunned. Our relationships all seemed too frazzled by the whole situation. I was relieved to see that Ron at least didn't seem to want to be shot of me after what had happened. If anything he seemed averse to letting me out of his sight. Neither of us made a move to be physically intimate with one another, but we were still closer than we had been before. We held each other a lot, but I think we both had nerves about going much further than that.

When classes started up again a notice went up heralding the optional class for our year to start taking apparition lessons. The trio signed up but I opted out. I didn't really need them anyway, but when Ron asked I told a half truth and said I was worried about the potential damage to my healing heart. He had already been informed about the medical treatment I had received over the break, and he felt just as uneasy as I did about the muggle surgery. So he had no further questions about why I wasn't taking the class.

Harry had finally been brought into the loop on the horcrux situation by Albus, and had been asked to collect Slughorn's true memory about it. I overheard a very interesting when he told Hermione about it out on the grounds. As she wasn't talking to Ron or me, I had been demoted to an eavesdropper if I wanted to know what was going on with the pair of them. Neither of them notices that I was near one of the green houses, or that I could hear them.

"Oh well, if Ron thinks that you'd better do it," she all but shouted at him. "After all, when has Ron's judgment ever been faulty?"

"Now list here," Harry snapped back, and I was surprised to hear the anger in his voice. "You can be mad about how things played out, that's your prerogative, but I will not tolerate your insinuation that my sister is just some mistake that Ron is making. She's been through a hell of a lot, and the last thing I will let her be subjected to is mistreatment by someone who is supposed to be her friend."

"Harry, I—" she started.

"No Hermione!" he cut her off. "If you want to blow me off now too then go for it, but don't even start about my sister. She nearly died over Christmas break, and Ron told me that part of her heart problem was compounded by stress. Stress Hermione! What in the world do you think had her feeling stressed?"

"I'm…" she stuttered. "I didn't mean to."

"It's alright Hermione," I called, stepping into view and moving closer to the pair of them. "It was a problem that had been brewing for a while. I don't blame you. Besides, if you had taken Ron from me, I would probably act the same way you have been."

"Well I didn't have a claim on him," she said guiltily, and I opted not to point out that I knew that. "I'm sorry Bianca. Can we just forget all of this?"

"Fine by me," I said with a smile.

Hermione and I were friendly after that, but she still wasn't talking to Ron. I didn't push it as I was glad to be shot of her icing me out. I had very little female companionship anymore. Ginny wasn't speaking to me after finding out that I had given my flash cards to Luna instead of her. She didn't care that I had done it out of guilt. Apparently Luna was already the top of their year and really didn't need any more help, or that was what I had gathered from all of Ginny's shouting.

* * *

When the others started having apparitions lessons on the weekend I took the unusual alone time to return to my search of the English coast. I was getting better at sensing places that had known magic, but so far it hadn't helped much. I had managed to find a little rock with a shack on it that had been the site of magic, and as I walked about the little shack trying to figure out if it was hiding the entrance to a hidden cave I realized I had heard of this place before. I felt rather certain this was the shack in which Harry had found out that he was a wizard. When I found a bent shot gun in a closet I knew for sure, and I went back to Hogwarts amused at the find, but still a bit down trodden at not having found my target.

On the first of March, even though it was an apparition lesson day, I opted to stay at the castle. It was Ron's birthday, and I wanted to do something special for him. I had gotten him a deluxe servicing kit for his broom as well as a big selection of Honeyduke's best candies, but he would end up opening them in his room, so I was working on something else as well. I wanted to make him a cake and throw a small party together for him later in the day.

I didn't see him in the morning, but I figured I would see him after he finished his lesson. So instead of fussing over it, I went down to the kitchens so I could work with Dobby on a really great cake. I wanted to make the cake myself, but I hadn't actually ever baked a cake before so I was going to need some help.

Ron loved chocolate, so Dobby gather the ingredients, and I set to work attempting to follow his instructions to make the perfect chocolate birthday cake. On my first attempt I not only ended up covered in flours and other cooking ingredients, but I also managed to actually set the cake on fire. We had to start over completely.

The second try wasn't too bad. Each pan turned out pretty well, so I was able to piece together the three-layer cake with very close supervision by Dobby. When it was all together, it was time to frost it which was a nightmare in itself. I managed to make the strawberry frosting pretty easily, but getting it on the cake without it tearing big chunks out of the cake seemed nearly impossible. Did cakes behave this badly for everyone?

After hours of work the cake was done. It had three layers of chocolate that were frosted with dull pink frosting and some poorly made white flowers on it. It wasn't a very masculine cake, but I thought for sure that Ron would like it anyway. I thanked Dobby, checked the time, and saw that I really needed to get back to the tower as Ron was probably there waiting already. So I took the cake with me and walked as carefully as I could through the castle.

I had to pass the hospital wing on my way, and if I hadn't I might never have known what was going on. I was surprised to find Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, and George all standing outside the closed doors looking sick to their stomachs. My heart started to beat a bit faster, and I started to fear for the worst as I approached them.

"Guys?" I said, drawing their focus to me. "What's going on?"

"Ron's been poisoned," Ginny moaned, and there was no relief in the fact that she was suddenly talking to me again when I heard her words. "They won't let us in yet to see him."

I froze. I heard the cake plate shattering on the ground before I realized that I had dropped the cake. All of our robes were splattered with pink icing, and I just soot there. At first I was unable to find my voice.

"None of you thought to come get me?" I shouted at them as I pulled out my wand and silently vanished the cake, icing, and shattered plate from around us.

Any argument was cut off by Madam Pomfrey allowing us into the ward at last. I hurried over to take up residence by Ron's bedside. Hermione too the other. I grabbed his hand and rubbed my fingers over the back of it. I was trying to fight back tears, but they were bound and determined to fall.

"Er-my-nee," Ron croaked in his sleep.

I went very still. It had been very quiet, but I knew what he had been saying. I wasn't sure if anyone else did. If Hermione understood him she wasn't showing any sign of it. I sat there, still holding his hand in mine, listening to the conversation around me with a numbness invading my entire body. Surely Ron didn't have feelings for Hermione this whole time? He wasn't such a bad person as to sleep with me when I wasn't the one he wanted was he? Hermione kept up the facade of not knowing, or perhaps she really didn't know, so I tried to pretend it hadn't happened.

Instead I focused on eavesdropping on the conversation Harry and Hagrid were having. Hagrid was letting slip about the fight that Snape and Albus had fallen into the other night. I would have smacked him if he knew enough to give away what that fight had actually been about, but he didn't. I knew about it because Albus and I had talked about what would happen if Snape really did refuse to fulfill the job he had been given after I brought Albus back from the Gaunt house. The prospect of brewing a poison for Albus when he grew too ill to do it himself made me seriously consider forcing Snape to do it myself.


	69. Chapter 69

_**Songs for this chapter: Blown Away by Carrie Underwood and Come Undone by FFH  
**_

* * *

Ron had to stay in the hospital for a while. I went to see him a few times each day, though quite a few times he would be sleeping. I was suspicious that he might be faking from time to time, but I once again pretended it wasn't happening. Hermione was visiting him as well, so I suppose their fight was over. When my mind would wander its why into a jealous haze I would shake myself out of it, and go search for the coastal cave once more. I reminded myself over and over again how much I cared about Ron. I cared for him, and he was just confused right now. He was probably just freaked out by health problems; it would pass.

I was on my way to visit Ron again when Harry intercepted me on his way out. He had a determined look in his eye as he drug me away from the hospital wing and into a nearby classroom. I sat down in the chair he directed me into and waited somewhat impatiently for him to get on with whatever it was he was working himself up to. He paced back and forth in front of me.

"Do you love him?" he asked me finally, coming to a stop so he could stare into my gaze, his own burning.

"Yes," I said automatically, thinking of how I had given myself to him fully, but then I wondered if maybe I only thought I loved him. "Why are you even asking me that?"

"I just… I feel like maybe you're in too deep," he sighed, running his hands through his hair in agitation. "I'm worried about you, and Ron hurting you."

"You don't think he loves me?" I asked, my mind immediately lurching to what he had said in his sleep in the hospital wing.

"That isn't what I am saying," Harry said, and his voice was convincing but his eyes were so guilty I _knew _that he had heard what Ron said too. "I just think you should be more guarded with your heart. I can't watch you get hurt again."

"Ron wouldn't hurt me," I said calmly, but I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him or myself.

"Just promise me you'll be careful," he demanded.

"Okay Harry, I promise," I capitulated before squeezing his hand in reassurance. "Do you want to come with me to visit him?"

"No, I need to meet Hermione in the library," he said before pulling me into an abrupt hug. "See you at dinner?"

"Sure," I nodded and then I watched him hurry out of the room feeling overwhelmed by the whole conversation.

* * *

In an effort to do something to make happy I went to the quidditch match he couldn't go to. I watched everything as closely as I could. I had already borrowed the pensive from Albus, and I was going to use the memory to replay the match for Ron later to make it up to him since Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let him out to see it himself.

The match was heated to say the least, and I seriously considered leaving when Harry got knocked out by his own team mate to accompany him to the hospital win. I only stayed so I could replay the entire match for Ron. I almost wished I hadn't stayed. It was an absolute slaughter. With no one to step in as a sub Ginny had to play seeker leaving Gryffindor with only two chasers. The Hufflepuff score climbed rapidly and in the end they were the ones to catch the snitch as well. I left with the disheartened Gryffindors to take the memory of the 320 to 60 loss we had suffered to Ron.

He wasn't completely surprised by what I had to show him, since he had seen Harry arrive with a cracked skull, and as a part of the team he knew there wasn't a substitute so it couldn't have gone well. I left shortly after sharing the memory under the guise of returning the pensive to Albus, but in reality Hermione had arrive and I didn't want to watch her every move once more.

I did return the pensive, and while I was there he showed me a few more of the memories he had collected that he would be showing Harry very soon. They were extremely enlightening once more, but they felt as if they had no meaning. I was still waiting for the true Slughorn memory, just like Albus was. That was the answer we need. What did Voldemort know of horcruxes? How many would he have made? We were both certain he would have discovered the number idea with Slughorn as he was the closest thing to someone he trusted that Tom Riddle had back in the day. The memories did reveal two likely horcruxes if Voldemort had made more than two. But would he choose to split his soul more than three times? Three seemed too much of a risk, but we had already found two, so clearly he had done at least that.

* * *

I took a new and completely unrespectable tactic with Ron when he was out of the hospital wing. I was worried that he might be paying too much attention to Hermione and I realized I was willing to do anything to keep him focused on our relationship. I threw myself at him at every available opportunity. To anyone else it probably looked like earlier this year when Ron couldn't keep his hands off of me, but this time I was the instigator. I kept pulling him into empty rooms and making sure that he was thinking about me instead of her.

I even went so far as to offer myself up to him one night when I lured him into the room of requirement. He followed my plan willingly, and while we were joined together I felt sure that we were fine. I was certain, at least while we were connected, that I didn't need to worry about our relationship. He held me for a long time afterward and it reassured me. I felt guilty for using sex to try and fix our problems, but if it assured me that I didn't need to worry anymore it was worth it right? I hoped it was worth it…

My time boiled down to very fine points. I was either in class, trying to find that blasted cave, learning to use my wand ring, or with Ron. And in reality everything else was constantly put on the back burner to be with Ron. I wasn't sure how he was keeping up with his own studies, but I knew that he was being pleased physically if nothing else. I knew what he wanted, and I gave it to him frequently. Hermione couldn't do that.

* * *

The end of the year started to draw nearer and I still hadn't managed to find the cave. I had covered most of the English coast, so I knew I must be close to finding it on the process of elimination alone, but it was still frustrating. It shouldn't be this hard, and yet I kept coming up empty handed. It made me want to scream. On the day Ron and Hermione were taking their apparition test I ditched out of all my lessons, feigning illness, and spent most of the day searching every piece of the coast I could think of. I stayed on the shores, wading through the water. I swam about suspicious underwater entrances. I popped in and out of different places all day, and most of the night, but nothing worked.

I had finally just decided to search throughout the night as well when Albus appeared on the shore of the beach I was on and beckoned me to him. I swam back to him and hoped he wouldn't say anything about the way the sea water had plastered my hair and my clothes to me. He offered me his hand without words and I took it. He turned on the spot and the ocean was replaced by his office.

"Go wait in my quarters," he said quietly. "Harry will be arriving shortly with the memory I am sure that he collected tonight, and after I have met with him I want you to see it."

I did as I was told and went to wait patiently in his room. I discarded my soaked clothing in his hamper and stole one of his plain black robes that never saw the light of day to wear. The pair of them spoke for a long time, and I ended up falling asleep on his bed while I waited. In the early morning hours he came and woke me and I stumbled out to the office to watch the memory with him. I very nearly threw up when it was all over. I couldn't believe Voldemort would split his soul seven times. We still had to find four horcruxes, and we were only on the trail of one of them, which I had failed once again to find.

* * *

I became so obsessed with my search from that night on that I was losing track of the rest of my life. My marks weren't quite as good as they should have been, and my relationships were suffering. The only person I was even bothering to make time for was Ron. I wasn't sleeping much at all between searching for the damn cave and luring Ron off for trysts that had more meaning than I wanted to think about.

I missed a lot of things. Ron would whisper to me as we fell asleep after having been together, and try to keep me caught up on what was happening in our lives. It was nice, even if it wasn't romantic. I was mostly glad for the sign of loyalty that he didn't push too hard when I didn't tell him where I was going, and just gave some vague answer about the library or some other lie. He told me about Harry seriously injuring Malfoy, and his sister finally breaking up with Dean. He told me about winning the Quidditch cup even without Harry and about Harry and Ginny kissing. Apparently now they were dating and everyone was gossiping about it. We had a good laugh about the strange family connection going on with me dating him and his little sister dating my twin brother.

In the middle fo the end of year exams my hard work paid off. I found a rock cave, further out into the sea than I had touch to search initially. There was a deep current of magic hovering around it. I wondered how Tom Riddle would have gotten the other children out here in his youth, but I knew he was capable of magic so I pushed the doubt out of my mind. I swam through the fierce waters to investigate. When I got close the magic was vibrating through me so strongly I was sure. Instead of swimming back to shore I allowed myself to erupt into flames right there in the water, and somehow the flames were untouched by the wetness. I disappeared from the ocean and reappeared dripping and shivering in the headmaster's office.

"I've found it!" I shouted, pulling his eyes from his reading and too me.

He stood, casting a quick drying charm on me and his now soaked carpet.

"I've found the cave," I said, holding out my hand. "Come, let me show you."

"Of course," he said with a smile and he took my hand.

"I burst into flames once more, and we traveled to an outcropping near the cave entrance. I pointed it out to him, and I could see on his face that he immediately sensed the magic. For a minute he just stared at the opening not so very far away from us. His face was grim while he looked at it, but when he turned back to me he had a smile to offer me.

"Well done," he said giving me a tight hug.

He turned while he was still holding me, and with a pop we were gone.

I shall go tonight to retrieve the horcrux," he said firmly, though I thought he might be talking to himself.

"I'll go with you," I said quickly.

"No," he said softly.

"What do you mean no?" I scoffed.

"I have promised Harry that I would take him," he said quietly. "And I will need you here tonight for several reasons."

"Why?" I asked somewhat petulantly.

"Severus tells me he suspects Mr. Malfoy will try to enact another plan tonight," he said plainly. "And I need all hands on deck to protect the students from his misguided attempts to murder me."

"Fine," I scowled at him.

"I also fear… tonight may be my last night," he said very quietly. "I just have this feeling in my stomach about it, and I don't want you to see it if I am right."

I stared at him then. I was unable to speak. My eyes burned as I realized we had in fact gotten awfully close to the end of his year. They did say that a person often knew when death was coming for them didn't they? I made a choking sound, and that was how I realized I had begun to cry.

"Don't be sad," he said and the smile he offered me did not reach his eyes. "I've lived a long live, and this last six years of it have been filled with such love. I go on to the next great adventure with a light heart."

"I love you," I choked, wiping at the tears that were pouring down my cheeks. "Please, please let me go with you."

"No," he denied me softly. "I'm afraid I must instead ask you to do one more thing. To give me one last service tonight."

"What?" I asked. "Anything."

"You remember how I told you of the deathly hallows?" he asked me and I nodded. "I told you of the elder wand, but I did not inform you that I am the owner of it. If Malfoy successfully kills me, he will take ownership, and that won't do. If Snape is the one to do it, he will be killed by Tom to take ownership of it, for Tom will soon learn that I have had it I am sure of it. So I need you to take it. No one would expect you to have it. You would be safe."

He paused, waiting for a sign that I was okay with this. So I nodded to assure him even though I felt to numb to absorb any of this.

"If you disarm me, it will consider you its owner." He went on. "Once you are the owner we can use your want to change the appearance of each wand so that we will appear to still retain our old wands. It will have to be your wand that does it. Any spell cast by me would disappear after my death."

I couldn't say anything. It was too much to process. So while I would rather curl up and sob, I nodded again.

"Do you understand?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Do you agree to do this for me?" he asked.

I nodded, and I raised my wand. I held it aloft for a long time, but all I could do was look at him. I felt like doing this was putting the last nail in his coffin. It tore at something deep inside of me, but I knew I had to do it. I took a deep breath, and I gathered what little courage I had left.

"Expelliarmus," I croaked.

His wand soared from his hand and I caught it out of the air. I could feel a light tingle in my hand as the wand recognized me as its owner. I extended my hand out with my old wand in it and offered it up to him. I said a silent goodbye to my wand in my head, and I looked down at this new want and attempted to feel connected to it.

He explained the spell to me and I cast it. With just a wave of the wand it looked as if he was holding the elder wand and I was holding my old one. He told me how to reverse the charm should I ever find the need for it, but he suggested I never use it. I stowed the wand away inside my robes, and then I threw myself into his arms.

I knew this night was coming for a while not, but it didn't make it any easier. I held him as close as I could and I cried myself out into his chest. I felt moisture in my hair and I knew he was crying as well. It was time to say goodbye, and while it had to happen, neither of us really wanted to.

"So this is it," I said as I pulled back finally. "This is goodbye."

"I supposed it is," he said sadly.

"You've been one of the very best things that has ever happened to me," I said in a shaky voice. "I love you dearly, and I will miss you greatly."

"It has been my greatest pleasure to know such a wonderful person," he breathed in a voice just as shaky as mine. "I love you with my entire heart, and I will see you again someday."

I held in a sob, knowing that I couldn't cross over, but being unwilling to tell him that in a moment like this. I gave him one last hug and then I dashed from the room. I ran back to Gryffindor tower and straight to the bathroom in the girls' dormitory. I hoped into the shower both so I could try to get my tears under control without interruption, and so that I could wash the salt from my skin. If I was going to need to be prepared for some sort of emergency brought on by Malfoy tonight, I was going to need to piece myself back together first.

* * *

In the end I couldn't stay in the castle and wait for the end to come. Instead, like I had done in times of need in the past I went down to Hagrid's hut. I made an effort to do my part as an Order member and sent a patronus to McGonagall to ask her to be extra alert tonight as Albus was leaving the castle and he had told me something may happen tonight. I told her where I would be and to summon me if she needed me. I gave her the excuse that I needed to get out of the castle after so much studying rather than telling her I couldn't bear to see the end approaching when she had no idea what was to come.

It wasn't entirely honest, but it would keep the students protected. Even if I was hiding myself away. I wanted to say that I was strong, but I was not strong enough tonight to hold myself completely together while the man I considered to be my father went off to die.

I sat with Hagrid and drank tea, having inconsequential conversation. I tried to keep the conversation as light as possible. I tried to talk about things that would keep me from thinking. If I didn't think, then I couldn't cry. So I talked about animals, I talked about rock cakes. None of it really mattered. It grew slowly darker outside as I sat with Hagrid. I was grateful when he didn't try to send me back to the castle due to curfew. He seemed to know that I needed him.

Sometime after darkness had fallen we heard shouting outside. We ran out of the hut and found ourselves right in the fray of a fight. There were several death eaters fleeing the grounds, and the dark mark was above the castle. My heart sank; I knew what it meant. I tried to cast stunning spells at the running men, but I could barely see them as tears flowed from my eyes once more. When I knew it was no good I started running up toward the castle. I fled Hagrid's burning hut and the fight I couldn't participate in as I was thrown unceremoniously into a new rob of sobs at the thought of what I would find up at the school.

I slowed down as I grew nearer to the castle. I could see a heap at the base of the astronomy tower and each step that brought me closer was more painful than the last. I was vaguely aware of people exiting the castle and moving toward when I now found myself, but it was like they were from a different planet. I slumped to the ground beside the body of my father and cried uncontrollably. I knew someone was near me but I couldn't see them. I hear strange ripping sounds, and I somehow knew they were coming from my throat but I couldn't stop them. I buried my face in the grass, lying beside him crying. Everything was over now and I wasn't ready. I couldn't be okay with this no matter how many times the wise man lying motionless beside me had asked me too. In the end I just wasn't strong enough.


	70. Chapter 70

_**Song for this chapter: Snuff by Slipknot**_

* * *

I was holding on to Albus as tightly as I could. I was not ready to say goodbye. It was as I held him that I saw with blurry eyes that something was sticking out of his pocket just a bit closer. When I looked closer I saw that it was an envelope. The envelope had my name on it, so I took it and clumsily shoved it into my own pocket. I would read it later, but for now I could hardly see well enough to open it let alone read it. Just as my hands latched onto Albus's arm once more I felt hands close around my waist and try to draw me up off the ground.

I cried out in shock and sobbed louder as I tried to hold tightly to him.

"Shhh… shhh… Bianca," Ron's voice soothed. "Moe with me Bianca. We have to go up to the hospital wing."

"I'm not sick," I sobbed. "Leave me here."

"I can't Bianca," he said, his voice thick with suppressed tears. "I love you, but you can't stay here."

"Love," I sobbed at him. I couldn't even process a statement like that right now. I wouldn't

But I did let him lead me away from Albus. I held on to the hope that this letter in my pocket would say something that could make this better. It was the hope of one final rescue, one last piece of departed knowledge that would help me to fix everything that had gone terribly wrong that kept me moving beside Ron. Only that kept one foot landing in front of the other when my body no longer seemed to be my own.

When we made it to the hospital wing it became my turn to try and hold Ron up. He wasn't falling completely to pieces like I was, but seeing his older brother Bill lying on the bed torn up with wounds from a werewolf had him swaying a bit. I pulled him as tightly as I could against me. It was both an effort to keep him on his feet, and because the feel of him pressed against my side was the only thing keeping me tethered to reality at the moment. They discussed what would happen to Bill, and Ron stood a little bit straighter when we found out that Bill probably wouldn't be a werewolf.

Harry told the others about how Albus died, but it was like trying to listen to him while living on a different planet. I thought maybe I should tell them that Snape had been told to kill him, but my voice didn't work. They were so angry anyway, I doubt they would have believed me. I lost my ability to listen to them at that point anyway because I could hear Fawkes singing outside. It was the saddest song I had ever heard, and it cut straight to my heart. I let go of Ron and collapsed under the weight of my tears that quickly descended into sobbing once more. I didn't know if it affected me so strongly because of the sadness of it, or if it was because it spoke to my heart on a primal level. Maybe I understood it so well that it may as well have had lyrics was because we were both firebirds.

The conversations continued around me but I couldn't really hear them. Everyone had stopped listening to the song of the phoenix, but it was still all I could hear. IT was like it was rattling through my very bones. I lay crumpled on the floor with my head tucked into my knees rocking back and forth unable to stop my sobs but trying to at least keep them quiet. From somewhere far off I felt Ron rubbing my back but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

At some point Madam Pomfrey must have decided that it was time for people to leave the ward. She must have wanted to care for her patients, but I couldn't even process the idea that there were still patients in the world. I let Ron pull me up of the floor though. I hadn't stopped crying and I still wasn't really able take in my surroundings, but I did feel Ron pulling on me. He drug me up to my feet, and I somehow managed to place one foot in front of the other to follow him to wherever he was leading me. I held tightly to him, coughing and sniveling like a child, as I stumbled blindly through the castle.

He led me to a bed and helped me to climb into it. He pulled a blanket over me, and I could feel him sitting there, but I didn't try to cuddle with him. I just lay there trying desperately to stop the tears that were cause my throat to ache and my head to throb. The tears eventually dried up, but the haze I had fallen in to didn't fade away. I didn't fall asleep though I wished that I would. Instead I just stared at the wall of a room that I didn't really see. I was only pulled into the present when I heard Harry talking to Ron in a whisper. Most of it floated past me, but a few words sunk in. It was when he said the worst sentence I could ever have heard that my world well and truly shattered.

"Someone had already taken it and left a fake in its place." He lamented.

Albus's days had been numbers, but to think that he bet the remainder of them on a fake horcrux made me ill. What made me more ill was to realize that I had sent him off to that cave, not even knowing that it had already been penetrated, its treasures plundered. I may as well have cast the killing curse on him myself. All of it was for nothing.

* * *

I stumbled through the next few days. I only left Ron's bed if he made me, and there was nothing remotely romantic about it. I let him drag me to meals, but I didn't eat much. I basically never spoke, but the others thankfully did not push me to do so. I don't think any of them knew what to say to me, and they didn't even know the depth of my guilt in the whole thing.

McGonagall planned the entire funeral, leaving me to myself after giving me an open invitation to help her with the services. The one time she pushed me on it I just reminded her that Albus wanted to be buried at Hogwarts and that because of how influential he was more than just magical humans might want to be invited. I went back into my mental hiding place after that.

"Hermione packed your things," Ron said to me on the day of the funeral. "McGonagall wants to meet you before the funeral. Hermione already picked something for you to wear today."

"I can't do this," I whispered to him fighting the tears that wanted to fall so easily these days.

"I will be with you every step of the way," he said quietly. "I will even come to the meeting with McGonagall so you don't have to do that alone either."

"Okay," I shuddered, trying to reign in the roiling emotions that bubbled just beneath the surface. "I should probably take a shower."

"I can come for that too if you like," he said lightly, and I knew he was trying to make me laugh.

I managed a strangled huffing sound, but he still smiled at the gesture. Ron walked me to the foot of the stairs to the girls' dormitory, and he kissed my cheek before giving me a gentle push to climb them on my own. I went up to the room, and Hermione was sitting on my bed waiting for me. She had a bundle of clothes in her arms and a sad smile on her face.

"Thank you," I croaked as I reached out to take the clothes.

"It wasn't any trouble," she said softly. "How are you doing today?"

I opened my mouth to try and give some sort of answer but my voice caught in my throat and my eyes tears up. So I just shook my head. That wasn't something I was ready to answer yet. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I set the clothes on a counter and set the bath to running. I slid down onto the floor beside the tub, and I reached into my pocket to pull out the letter that was no somewhat crumbled from living in my pocket. I turned it over and over in my hands telling myself that today was the day to read it. My hands shook as I pulled it open.

_Dearest Bianca,_

_That you are reading this means my life has finally come to an end. We've both known it was coming, but I know that it will not make this any easier for you. I want this letter to just be a goodbye to you, but it cannot be just that sadly. I have one last thing I must ask of you, and I could not see the look in your eyes when I asked it of you. I would ask that you forgive me for both my cowardice and the difficulty of the mission, but I fear I am already asking too much of you._

_I find myself wanting to string this letter out. I want to make it last, and wait until I have to break into the most painful part. I want to avoid asking what I must ask, but the time must eventually come. As you know there are several horcruxes that must be done away with. What I have avoided discussing with you in much depth is Harry's role in the whole thing. We have of course discussed how he is a horcrux, but I have avoided the conversation of what must be done about it. Tom of course feels a spike of emotions whenever a horcrux is destroyed, but it is my belief he has not yet deduced what this means. By the time the last horcrux meets its end I believe he will understand what the feeling means, and because of that it is imperative that he be feeling some other emotion of great strength when the horcrux within Harry is destroyed._

_I have already laid out the plans for Harry to find out that he has to go to Tom of his own will. He should expect Tom to be the one to kill him, and Tom should expect this as well. So, I must ask that at this moment, you be the one to do it. You need to do it before Tom has the chance, but while he can see that you have done it. If Tom is the one to cast the curse I believe he will complete the prophecy and both of them will die, but if you are the one to cast the curse, there is still the chance that Harry might live. My only consolations to you would be that to do this would ensure that Harry would be looking into the face of someone who loves him dearly at his death should he truly pass on to another world._

_This of course must be kept secret from Harry until it is time. If you were to tell him about it ahead of time, I fear he would not have the courage to walk into the arms of death. I wish I could wait until the last minute to tell you as well, to perhaps lighten your load, but I have lost that option now. I wish I could guarantee you that Harry will come back from this, and his death will be only temporary, but that choice will fall to Harry in the end. The only assurance that leave me to give you is that a soul as pure as yours cannot be harmed by such an act when it is done in service of the greater good. Your mind is another matter entirely, but I have faith that one day you will have peace._

_With every bit of love in my heart,_

_Albus_

I dropped the letter on the floor and climbed into the bath. I couldn't think about what I had just read right now. I couldn't have that on my mind while I tried to get through this day. I couldn't feel the rage it made me feel when I wanted to give my last regards to the man who had penned it. I forced my mind to think of nothing while I bathed. I just needed to get clean, and get dressed. Nothing else was allowed to matter right now.

I dried my hair and pulled in back into a simple braid. I pulled on the plan black dress that Hermione had picked out. It was warm out so I did not dress in my school robes. I slid on a pair of sandals and after safely tucking that terrible letter away in my trunk, I went to find McGonagall. Ron was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs, and I took his proffered hand. I let him lead me to wherever she would be waiting for me.

We met her in her office. She was sitting at her desk in her dress robes, being ready for the funeral herself. She indicated for the two of us to sit in the chairs in front of her desk, though her brow was quirked a bit at Ron's presence. He ignored it and so did I as we sat down.

"Bianca, it's good to see you up," she said softly.

I nodded curtly, I still wasn't sure I would be able to manage speech.

"All of the students will be going home after the funeral today," she said when she realized I was not going to speak. "So we are left without much time to dawdle about where you are to make your home now."

I said nothing.

"You were willed essentially all of Albus's possession, including his house," she explained. "But as you are not of age yet, you need to stay with a guardian at least until your birthday. Albus had previously made arrangements for you to stay with me if he were not available to care for you, but I wished to seek your opinion on that before making anything official."

I shook my head. I wasn't even sure what I meant. I didn't want to stay with her? I didn't want to decide? I just didn't know.

She waited, clearly expecting me to speak up. I stayed quiet. Picking a new home would make it permanent. He would really and truly be dead then.

"She can stay with us," Ron said strongly from beside me. "I know mum would love to have her."

"We should get approval from her before we make it so," McGonagall hedged.

"Just send her home with me," Ron said pointedly. "Formalities can be dealt with later can't they?"

"I suppose they can," she sighed, looking down at her desk as if she didn't want to continue. "I have one last thing to ask you Bianca."

I continued to stare at her, waiting for her to continue.

"It has been requested that you sing at the funeral today," she said. "Everyone would understand if you weren't up to it."

"Who requested it?" I asked, surprised by how clear my voice sounded.

"Hagrid," she said quietly. "He said that your singing brought great hoy to Albus, and that he would want it to be his farewell if he had the choice."

"That was very kind of him," I said sadly.

"Will you do it?" she asked, looking nervous.

"Yes," I said, surprising even myself. "I will sing the song he used to sing to me when I was struggling. It seems fitting today."

"Yes, today will be hard for many people. If you could, we would like it if you would sing it while Hagrid brings in the body," she said softly. "Thank you for doing this."

I nodded and I stood to leave. I needed to get my guitar, and we needed to join everyone else for the funeral. Ron stayed by my side, not saying anything, just holding my hand to keep me tethered to the earth, and being a warm body that I could feel through the fog. It was exactly what I needed. I retrieved my guitar case from where Hermione had packed it away and then we headed back downstairs. Everyone was waiting in the great hall. We had just gotten inside the doors when McGonagall stood from where she sat at the head table.

"It's nearly time," she said in a voice that carried throughout the room. "Please follow your Heads of House out onto the grounds. Gryffindor, after me."

We walked out to meet aisle of chairs facing a marble table. It was warm and beautiful outside, but somehow the sunshine didn't seem to quite reach me. There were many witches and wizards already seated, but their faces all blurred together for me. It felt like I was very apart from the world as I walked across the grounds with Ron's hand in mine, and my other latched tightly around my guitar.

Ron took a seat, but I continued on to the front. I walked up to stand beside the marble table. I tried not to think about how it would soon hold the body of such a great man. I looked up to the castle, and I waited. When I saw Hagrid's form enter the grounds carrying something, I started to play the guitar.

* * *

_You with the sad eyes_

_Don't be discouraged_

_Oh I realize_

_It's hard to take courage_

_In a world full of people_

_You can lose sight of it all_

_And the darkness inside you_

_Can make you feel so small_

_But I see your true colors_

_Shining through_

_I see your true colors_

_And that's why I love you_

_So don't be afraid to let them show_

_Your true colors_

_True colors are beautiful,_

_Like a rainbow_

_Show me a smile then,_

_Don't be unhappy, can't remember when_

_I last saw you laughing_

_If this world makes you crazy_

_And you've taken all you can bear_

_Just call me up_

_Cuz you know I'll be there_

_And I'll see your true colors_

_Shining through_

_I see your true colors_

_And that's why I love you_

_So don't be afraid to let them show_

_Your true colors_

_True colors are beautiful,_

_Like a rainbow_

_(in the style of: imlikeagoofygirl on youtube)_

* * *

I finished the son as Hagrid was placing the body on the table. I was crying so hard I was surprised that I had been able to continue singing. I started slowly back to my seat, and I could barely see where Iw as going. I kept Ron's bright red hair locked into my blurry vision until I was there and he was pulling me into the seat beside him. My guitar lay forgotten in the grass.

The little man up front spoke for a long time about Albus, but I couldn't really hear him, and the words that did float back to me held little meaning to me. Instead I thought of the memories I had with Albus. There were big ones, monumental moments like when he strode into the orphanage so many years ago and plucked me from the hands of that horrible man, or when he pieced me back together after the disaster that was my first year at Hogwarts. But there were little ones as well, tiny moments, like him laughing at me over breakfast, or a simple chat in front of the fire at night. All the little moments, good and bad, flitted through my mind as I watched the broken and unmoving body wrapped in material on that stone table.

I was pulled from the memories that threatened to drown me as white flames erupted on the table around his body. They pulsed and grew until they obscured him completely. Things flew about in the smoke, there were birds, and music notes, and books. All things that he loved, that danced in the smoke. When it all dispersed there was a marble tomb encasing his body. It was a very nice grave I suppose, but I hated to look at it. I burst into a new round of tears when the centaurs of the forest shot their arrows into the air in tribute of Albus. Some people seemed scared, but I was just moved by the immense love that so many had felt for the man who lay before us.

The funeral ended, and I stood without Ron having to direct me. I felt the urge to run from this place and never come back, but I stood waiting instead. Ron grabbed my guitar out of the grass and then he stood beside me. He took my hand and he led me away quietly. He led me to a tree where harry and Hermione were. They talked for a while, and I listened by I didn't participate. Instead I lay with my head in Ron's lap allowing him to ruin my braid as he soothed my gently by patting my head. They were making vague plans about hunting horcruxes, and I knew I didn't need to speak for them to know that I would be coming. This fight was personal, and I would end by my hand, that much was for certain.


	71. Chapter 71

_**Song for this chapter: Cannonball by Damien Rice**_

* * *

I joined all of the Weasley's on the night bus back to the burrow. Somehow our things were with us, but I couldn't recall going to get them. On minute we were under the tree talking and the next I was being jostled around on the knight bus with the gaggle of red heads. Then I was standing in the kitchen of the burrow, and Molly was talking to me, but I had missed the beginning of the conversation.

"…glad to have you." She said. "We can put you in Ginny's room until—"

"Mum, just let me take her to my room." Ron interrupted. "We won't do anything. She gets lost if I stay away too long."

"Nonsense Ron," his mother scoffed.

"You don't get it! I left her alone in the dormitory so I could go take a shower the other day," he all but shouted. "It was only twenty minutes, but when I came back she was curled up in the corner by my wardrobe sobbing hysterically. It took me ten minutes just to get her to recognize who I was and calm down. She's not complete right in the head right now."

"Ron!" I snapped, wondering if he had been talking about me like I wasn't here a lot lately or just today. "I'm not crazy."

"That's not what I meant," he told me softly, trailing his fingers over my cheekbone and instantly soothing me. "I just meant you are grieving, and it taking a lot out of you. I was just trying to convince mum to let you stay with me."

"Please," I asked softly, my eyes drifting to Molly.

"Bianca," she sighed, and her face already said no though her mouth hadn't.

"Please?" I asked again, letting the tears I felt burning my eyes fall loose, maybe they could be of use for once.

"Oh alight," she sighed, and Ron started leading me away, but I could hear her muttering in the kitchen. "Never have been able to deal with tears. Luckily Ginny was never a crier or I would have been in serious trouble."

After that we were too far out of earshot for me to hear anything. I stayed in the present long enough to make it to Ron's room. But when I saw his flaming orange bed spread I hurried over and climbed underneath it in funeral dress and shoes to boot. Ron came behind me, first pulling off my sandals then climbing under the blanket and wrapping his arms around me. I sunk back into the hazy place with no plans to emerge.

* * *

Ron brought meals up to me frequently. I picked at them, but I don't think it could really be called eating.

* * *

Ron tried to get me to take a shower once, but we had a row about him thinking I was disgusting before he caved to avoid it and let me cover back up and slip back into my haze.

* * *

I lost track of time. Days stopped really having meaning. All that passed through my mind was Albus being gone, or the letter sitting in my trunk and weighing on my heart.

* * *

One day, I wasn't sure which, Molly burst into the room. She threw the blankets off of me and demanded that I get out of bed. She first tried yelling at me, and then tried talking calmly to me. When neither of those approaches worked she physically pulled me out of bed and when I fell unceremoniously onto the floor and burst into tears she threw her hands up in defeat.

"I don't know what to do here Bianca," she sighed sitting down on the bed. "You can't just stay in bed for the rest of your life. I know you are hurting, but you have to buck up and pull yourself together."

"I c-cant'," I sobbed at her. "What's the p-point?"

"There is plenty point," she said fiercely. "You have your entire life in front of you. You can't throw in the towel because someone died. He lived to a very old age, he was ready to go, even if it wasn't peacefully in his bed."

"Why bother trying," I sighed, brushing my tears away harshly. "Anytime you start to care about someone they die."

"That isn't true sweetheart," she told me softly.

"I fell in love with Cedric and he was murdered," I scoffed. "I pour my heart and soul out to Sirius and really start to care about him and he gets murdered. I let Albus into every part of my heart; literally give everything I have to him and his cause, and he. Gets. Murdered."

"It has been a bad run, I can admit that," she said softly, sinking to the floor so she could pull me into her arms. "But you can't give up. It always gets better in the end. You just have to hold on."

"Okay," I sighed, unable to fight her, no wanting her to be wrong, just letting her hold me while I floated in this limbo that seemed not to be a part of my life.

"The first step to getting back on track is getting the in the shower," she pointed out with one last squeeze. "Now hop to."

I did as I was told, and got up to hurry down to the bathroom. I took a long bath because to be honest I was starting to smell pretty bad. I wrapped up in a towel, and wrapped another towel around my head before making my way back up to Ron's room. When I stepped into the room I found him making his bed, and I got the impression his mum had told him he had to clean his room.

He looked up when I closed the door. I gave him a weak smile, but I didn't say anything. Instead I walked over to my trunk and tossed it open so I could find some clean clothes. I dropped my towel so I could put on my skivvies and I had to stifle the strange urge to chuckle when I heard Ron gasp. I reached down to grab a pair of shorts and I saw out of the corner of my eye hat Ron was staring at me with his mouth hanging open. I pulled on a pair of shorts and the first top that reached my hand, though it was surprisingly a sweater, before I turned to face him.

"Feeling better?" he asked in a strained voice.

"A little," I admitted as I began brushing my hair. "What've I missed?"

"Well, lots of wedding plans," he said, sitting down beside me and adjusting his jeans a bit obviously. "And Harry and Hermione have been writing you every day."

"Are they mad that I haven't written them back?" I asked.

"Nah," he said, leaning back on his elbows, and I got the impression he was trying to keep himself from touching me. "I wrote them back to let them know you weren't up to it just yet."

"I should probably read them at some point," I sighed.

"Yeah," he breathed distractedly as he abandoned his no touching approach and leaned in to give me a kiss.

My stomach growled loudly as I kissed him back.

"Erg," he sighed. "You are probably starving."

"I could eat," I chuckled softly. "Do you think there's any lunch left?"

"I can pretty much guarantee mum is downstairs cooking for you right now," Ron said as he stood back up, most likely to remove himself from temptation.

"Let's go get some food then," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could manage.

We walked downstairs together, and my mouth started to water when I smelled bread and something savory wafting up toward us. I picked up my pace and we quickly reached the kitchen and saw Molly plating stew and bread on the table. I could have cried it looked so good after going so long without eating. I hurried over to take a seat in front of one of the bowls that had already been served. I muttered a thank you between bites of the delicious food. I didn't really talk, but I ate every bit of food Molly put in front of me. It made me feel warm to have food in my stomach again.

When I finished, I just sat at the table. I could feel Ron and Molly looking at me, and I was pretty sure they were waiting for me to talk, but I didn't know what to say. I thanked Molly for the food again, but then I just sat at the table staring at the empty bowl in front of me.

"I think Maybe I will go for a walk, I offered up when I still couldn't think of a way to act normal.

"I'll come with you," Ron offered.

"That's okay," I said with the best smile I could manage. "I think I want to go on my own."

They both looked worried, but I just offered up another smile, and stood to leave. I gave Ron a quick hug, and walked out the kitchen door and into the yard. I kept walking until I lost sight of the Burrow. I walked until I didn't see many houses at all, and I still wasn't sure what would make me feel better. I stopped and stared at a creed that was winding its way through a field of flowers and I realized where I wanted to go. I knew then who I wanted to talk to. It was effortless to harness my despair, and the flames burst across my skin so easily it was as if they had always been there. There was a rush of wings and I disappeared from the sunny landscape. I appeared instead in a dark dank room in some old house. The man I needed to see sat at a table looking over some sort of map, but his head jerked up to look at me the moment I appeared.

"Bianca," he said tightly, his normally smooth voice distorted with grief.

"Professor Snape… Severus," I breathed. 'Please, please put my mind at ease."

"How do you wish for me to do that," he said, what little light there had been dying away from his eyes and making him seem very tired.

"Tell me that I didn't kill him," I croaked. "I sent him off to a location that had already been plundered and he didn't survive the night. Tell me my mistake didn't kill him."

"You did not kill him Bianca," he said, his voice cracking as his emotion bled through. "I was the one to do that."

"Was he already dying when you did it?" I asked plaintively. "Harry said he was already dying."

"We both know he was already dying," Snape sighed.

"You know what I mean!" I shouted.

"He was weakened, but he would have survived it," he sighed, and I chose to believe he was not lying to me. "I had to keep my promise… that is the reason that he died."

"I know I shouldn't. I shouldn't because you had no choice either," I sighed. "But I hate you so much right now."

"As do I," he said very quietly, and I thought I heard him choke on a sob.

"I need to get back before everyone starts to wonder where I have gotten too," I said. "I'm sorry that things have to be this way."

"So am I," he said as he turned back to his map.

I channeled my feelings once more, and disappeared once more. I rematerialize just out of view of the Burrow. I walked the short way back, my heart feeling just a little bit lighter. I felt like I had gotten rid of some of what was holding me down, and I was keen to do a bit more. I tugged at my hair as I crossed the garden towards the door thinking about it and it hit me. My hair was nearly to my hips now. Cutting that off would probably make me feel lighter. I went into the kitchen where Molly was sitting and doing some knitting while Arthur paced about talking about stuff with the Order. He fell silent when he saw me.

"What is the latest with the order," I asked, trying to get him talking again.

"I don't think you should continue on in the order," Molly said delicately. "I think it's too much to put on someone your age."

"Is this something you are set on?" I asked pointedly.

"Yes," she said softly, and I was glad that she didn't yell.

"Okay then," I sighed. "It will give me a bit more free time anyway."

I could tell she was surprised that I didn't fight her on it. But I didn't really need the order. What I had left to do was something the order couldn't be a part of anyway.

"So I was thinking," I said, changing the subject. "Would you be willing to cut my hair for me?"

"Sure," she said, surprised. "Are you sure you want to cut it, you have such beautiful hair."

"Yeah," I chuckled. "It's just getting awfully long and heavy. I think I want to shorten it to my shoulders."

"I can definitely do that," she smiled. "Go grab a towel to wrap around your shoulders then, hurry up."

I did as she asked, and when I returned she had a chair waiting in front of her. I sat in the chair, and wrapped the towel around me, to keep the falling hair out of my clothes. She took out her wand, and first gently wetted my hair before she set to work cutting it. She talked to me about in consequential things as she worked. It took a while to cut off all of that hair, but after a while there was a large pile of my hair on the floor, leaving my head feeling light.

"Well," she said, moving me to stand in front of a mirror. "What do you think?"

"I like it," I smiled, running my fingers through it. "It's so much lighter."

"Could use a good brushing," the mirror chirped at me, and I burst into an actual fit of laughter.

"Your mirror is hating on me," I chuckled.

"Oh the mirror just has a bit of sass is all," Molly smiled.

"Thank you," I told her sincerely.

"You're welcome dear," she smiled. "Dinner will be ready in a couple of hours, why don't you go spend some time with Ron and Ginny for now."

I made my way back up the stairs to Ron's room. The door was shut, so I leaned me ear against it to see if maybe I should come back later but I couldn't hear much of anything coming from the room. I thought I heard some breathing, that might be a little loud, but that was it. So I pushed the door open and stepped inside. I immediately found myself glad that I had closed it behind me, when I saw what Ron was doing. Clearly I hadn't been taking care of his needs lately, and he was trying to take care of them himself. I was surprised by the effect it had on me to see him pleasuring himself.

I crossed quickly over to the bed. His eyes followed me closely as I walked, but his hand didn't stop moving. I was glad he didn't. I kind of liked watching. I crawled onto the bed from the foot and lay beside him. I let him do it for a bit longer, but then I reached out and stopped his hand.

"I think that's supposed to be my job," I whispered into his ear as I leaned further into him.

"You've been otherwise involved," he panted, rolling slightly so he could face me. "You've cut your hair."

"Do you like it?" I asked as I removed his hand from his member.

"I love it," he said, reaching up to tug on one of my locks. "It's kind of hot."

"Thanks," I blushed before I gripped him slightly and caused his hips to buck up toward my hand. "So do you want to… you know?"

"Yeah," he said enthusiastically before he pulled up short. "I mean if you do."

"Yeah I think I do," I said with a smile as I pumped him again before pulling him into a kiss.

"I've missed you," he breathed against my lips in between kisses.

We let things build slowly, and it felt nice to reconnect. It also felt amazing to have such a gentle reconnecting. We hadn't ever been very gentle with one another, but this was different. It was like handling the most delicate silk, and it was nice. It was short because Molly called for us to come to dinner right in the middle of it, but it was still nice. We quickly redressed and straightened ourselves up to go and have dinner with the family. Hopefully Molly didn't know what we had been up to, or I would have to change rooms.

* * *

The summer continued on triumphantly no matter how much I kicked my feet about wanting to stay in the same place. Letter kept coming from Harry and Hermione and I did write them back if however brief. I was up and about, but dialogue was still hard sometimes. They seemed happy to get them though, even if they were mostly devoid of any meaning other than hey I'm upright and I can hold a quill.

I read the prophet as well, but after a while I serious considered stopping. There was a lot of remembering Albus going on, and it could be hard to read. People were writing about the good, but also the bad. After the in-depth and completely exposed talks we had this past year, none of it came as a shock, but it was still hard to see it on paper and know that Albus's most private information, his best kept secrets were slowly being leaked to the public. I found I understood his desire to be secretive a bit better when I saw the snippets of the upcoming book by Rita Skeeter in the prophet. I wanted to cry foul and have Hermione leash her in with the threat she had over her, but the cold fact remained that what Rita Published however slanted was not dishonest.

That was what hurt most about it. Someone out there, someone who had been close enough to Albus to know these things, was talking. They were giving up his most private stories to that wretched woman. That was such a betrayal. Where was the loyalty?

Talk had turned to how we would be retrieving Harry as well. Normally that would fall to just an order discussion, but it sounded like all of the of age people would be helping to provide the necessary bodies. I would not be allowed to be a part of it, as I would have the same tracer spell on me that Harry had that was causing such a problem. Mostly it wouldn't be an issue if I rode like Harry was going to and didn't defend myself if there was an attack, but at that point I would just be dead weight, and there was no point in that really. So I listened to the plans, and tried not to panic at the idea of Ron out there in the skies being attacked by death eaters.

* * *

The night for everyone to go and retrieve Harry came quickly. Ginny, Molly, and I were left to just wait, after everyone else had gone. Ginny and Molly paced about the living room like caged animals. I sat on the couch strumming on my guitar. I had no desire to sing, but I need something to do with my hands, so I just kept strumming all of my nerves into the guitar. I felt my mind trying to slip back into the hazy, and I desperately wanted to let it, but I knew I needed to stay present for Ron. Because if Ron made it home, he would need someone to be there for him after such an intense and scary night.

I strummed for hours. I just kept it up until it felt like my fingers might bleed. I kept strumming even after people had arrive home, except I moved out into the garden. I sat in the dark, on the moist ground, and I strummed while I waited for Ron to show up. Harry and Hagrid arrived, and I had to stifle a growing panic. Ron should have shown up first. Where was he?

Lupin and George arrived next and that did nothing to ease my anxiety. George was unconscious and covered in blood. Molly hurried them into the house, and I stayed in the yard, strumming louder, trying not to cry, and waiting for an answer.

Kinglsey and Hermione arrived next. They went through the round of questions as to what happened and the proof of their identity, and then Hermione joined me in my vigil. After a while she hummed along to whatever I strummed. I think it soothed us both.

Fred and Arthur arrived next. And they flew into the house like their hair was on fire. From the shouting I gathered that they already knew what had happened to George and were desperate to see if he was doing alright. And so it was Hermione and I on the stoop, and Kingsley pacing nervously around the yard.

Ginny and Harry came back out into the yard, just as Tonks and Ron flew in. They sent dirt and pebbles flying about. I was standing in an instant, my guitar falling to the ground. I moved towards him, but Hermione cut me off and pulled him into a hug cheering about him being back. I tried to patiently wait for their embrace to end, but it seemed to last far too long.

When she finally let him go I walked slowly up to him. I wrapped my arms around him, and buried my face in his chest, bathing in the smell of him. I didn't say anything, he didn't say anything, and we just held one another. Holding on to the constant reassurance that the other was whole and present. Our embrace was broken when Molly came bustling from the house and pulled Ron into her own arms. I was perfectly willing to give Ron into the arms of another woman if it was his mother.

Ron found out about George and we were about to move into the house so that he could see him with his own eyes when Bill and Fleur made their arrival. They were unharmed but they bore bad news. They announced the death of Moody. The mood of the group fell as it hit everyone. I didn't feel a change, but perhaps that was because I could not fall any lower. As the deaths stacked up in this war I started to grow numb, unable to process what they meant anymore.

We all congregated in the kitchen to drink to the honor of Moody. I tried to drink my fire whiskey with the rest of them, but it tasted like vomit to me. I gave my share to Ron. As the conversation slowly turned away from Moody it feel to Harry's noble idea that he was going to leave the house to keep everyone safe. I felt the first strong emotion I had felt in a long time. Unfortunately it was anger. People said a lot of things to him, and maybe some of them were harsh, but mine was the only one to say something that should truly be regretted.

"People have lain down in front of you, one after another, dying to keep you alive." I said in a dead voice, that did nothing to hide the rage that was boiling up inside of me. "I will damned if you are going to walk out of here tonight, and make their sacrifices worthless."

He walked out into the garden after I said that, but it wasn't with a swiftness that suggested he was leaving. He clearly just needed to be away from me. As soon as the words left my lips I knew they were wrong, but I couldn't grab them and swallow them back up. They were already out there. My heart hurt even worse to think that I could have just created a change in our relationship that would lead to my last bit of time with him being hurtful. It was bad enough to know that I would have to kill him, but to hurt him before I did it? I couldn't handle that any more than I could take those words back.


	72. Chapter 72

_**Song for this chapter: Thistle and Weeds by Mumford and Sons**_

* * *

Over the next few days we fell into a routine. I apologized to Harry about what I said, but he didn't really say anything one way or the other. Molly set us to work anyway, so there wasn't much time to think about it. We had one huddled conversation in the broom shed about if I was going with the group. To which I answered obviously, and I was surprised to hear how much I sounded like Snape. I had gained hardness to my voice, and I needed to find a way to get rid of it. Being human was difficult.

Mine and Harry's birthday rolled around, and Molly had put together a party for us. It was small, which we both appreciated. We opened our presents together, since he was also staying in Ron's room now. I made sure to thank everyone for their gifts, but I hardly remembered what they were after I had carefully packed them into my trunk to take with me when we left after the wedding. I remembered the delicate watch that Molly and Arthur had given me a little better because I wore it, and because Molly told me it was the watch she had been given when she came of age.

The minister arrived during the party to give Harry, Ron, and Hermione the things they had been left in Albus's will. I was surprised it had taken this long for them to get it. I had received my own inheritance just days after he passed away. But when they showed me later that night what they got I understood that they were given things important to the mission, and the ministry had probably been trying to figure out what they all meant. The things left to me just made simple sense so there was no need to pry. They didn't know that what I had really inherited from him was a heavy deed that I wasn't ready to think about right now.

* * *

When it was time for the wedding, I was able to dress nicely but remain myself. Because unlike Harry I was expected to be there, and the Weasleys had taken legal responsibility for my welfare at the beginning of the summer. I wore a midnight blue dress that was patterned like a summer dress. I would have liked to wear black just like I had most every day this summer, but it was frowned upon to wear black to a wedding and I would not want to do anything to jinx the marriage of Bill and Fleur.

I helped to lead people to their seats before the ceremony, and sat at the back watching quietly during the ceremony. During the reception I oscillated between standing quietly at Ron's side, and moving about the crowd pretending to mingle so I would seem like such a downer at the wedding. Ron and I danced to a few songs, and I tried to convince myself that we weren't on the dance floor to get away from Krum, who Ron was clearly annoyed with for finding Hermione attractive in her purple dress. I probably could have danced naked in front of Ron today and he wouldn't notice it, let alone the dress that complimented me so well.

I stopped dancing after a while, and went to sit. I ended up sitting next to Muriel who I had heard was really rude, but she was being very nice to me. She was doting on me, telling me how nice my dress was and that Ron had such great taste in girls to have chosen me, really pumping up my ego, which was kind of nice. It made me feel a bit taller after feeling short for quite some time. So I followed her over when she joined in on a conversation Harry and Mr. Dodge were having.

I was agitated by the conversation from the start. It was about the things that had been published about Albus this summer. I was shocked to find Muriel defending Rita Skeeter's book until I thought about how gossipy she was and then I realized that I should not have been surprised. I tried to bit my tongue, and just not listen, but she just kept pushing further and further over the line. I hit my breaking point when she brought up Ariana's funeral and the fight that took place there.

"Shut up Muriel," I said in a firm voice, interrupting her little speech. "You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about."

"Young lady, do not talk to your elders with such disrespect," she snapped, looking taken aback that I had cut her off.

"I am talking to you with exactly the amount of respect you deserve." I said coldly, trying to ignore the heat I felt building in my face. "You are not respecting the very great man who passed away, a man whose hard work kept people like you safe from dark wizards."

"You don't enough about Albus Dumbledore to hold your own in this conversation," she snapped.

"I know absolutely everything about Albus Dumbledore," I whisper shouted at her. "I know more than you could even dream up, and yet I don't sit around gossiping like some old biddy. Because I can be trusted to know when something needs to be shared and when it doesn't."

"I'm sure you think you know everything about him," she patronized. "But you are still a child you have no idea."

"I have plenty idea," I snapped at her before dropping my voice to a deadly whisper. "Or are you also so knowledgeable about Albus that the dark lord took you hostage and tortured you for twelve days desperate for even a drop of the information you know. And imagine, I went through that and held my tongue, and yet here you sit at a wedding gossiping about a dead man. There is something wrong with you."

I stood, and stormed away. I could feel heat licking across my skin, and I need to get out of sight in case I was not able to get this under control. I was very close to flame traveling on accident, and the last thing I needed to do in the middle of a wedding reception was to burst into flames and disappear. I bustled past the people dancing and those who were mingling about the edges of the tent. I hurried across the grass until I was far enough out into the darkness that I could still hear the reception carrying on but I couldn't really see it happening.

I paced back and forth trying to even my breathing out. My dress hadn't started to smoke yet so that was a good sign, but my skin still felt incredibly hot to the touch, and it felt like my blood was boiling. I thought about unimportant things like what I wanted for breakfast, and where I had left a missing pair of sandals to try and distract myself and calm myself. After a few minutes, I felt myself cool down a bit, and I slowed my steps, trying to bring my heart rate down. It wouldn't do for me to be angry about people talking about Albus, it was going to happen. Sometimes I just couldn't help myself.

After a while I decided that I was calm enough to go back to the reception without worrying about bursting into flame. I walked quietly back, surprised by just how far away I had walked. The party grew steadily louder as I got closer, and everything seemed completely normal until I was just on the edge of the tent. I pulled up short when I saw a shining silver lynx shoot into the tent area. I recognized it as Kingsley's patronus before it even began to speak.

"The ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming."

There was a beat of silence before pandemonium broke out. People were frightened, and they were running about. I knew I needed to get to the others because they were likely to make an early departure due to this new development, but I couldn't find them in the crowd. People were disapparating away, which showed that the protection over the burrow had fallen as well.

I pushed my way through to crowd trying to find Harry, Ron, or Hermione, but I was coming up short. They didn't seem to be anywhere. I was still searching the face of everyone in the crowd when death eaters started to show up. I pulled my wand swiftly from where I had stowed it in my dress, and prepared to defend myself as I continued my search.

I ducked under a stunning spell, and hurried through the rest of the crowd that I hadn't searched yet. When I reached the other side of the tent, and I still hadn't found them. Then I realized what had happened. They had rushed away at the threat of death eaters arriving, and they had left without me. I quickly changed my strategy. I stood tall, ready to fight my way back to the house where all of my things were. Most of the wedding guests had disappeared, so I didn't have too many people to try and fight my way through.

I started to make my way swiftly to the burrow I drew the attention of the black clad attackers. I quickly disrupted the ground in between us so it flew up into the air obscuring their view of me, and I sprinted for the house. I made it into the house without hearing pursuit behind me, so I just kept booking it. I hurried up to the top floor, and threw the door open.

I ran over to my trunk, quickly cast a shrinking spell on it, grabbed it and held it tight in the palm of my hand. And then I tried to think of where they would have gone to. Really it could be anywhere since they didn't know where to start searching. I considered Godric's Hollow, because Harry had really wanted to go there. But I had a gut feeling that Hermione would be running the show right now. Hermione would probably be the only one who had thought someone might attack the wedding. So where would Hermione go; probably into London, to try and get lost in the crowd. But they would eventually want to find a place to settle while they figured out their next move. So it would be Grimmauld place then wouldn't it?

I made up my mind that they would have to end up there. I channeled the frustration I felt at being left behind, and let the heat roll across my skin, until Ron's orange room was alight with my flame as it enveloped me. The rushing of wings filled my ears once more, and the burrow was gone and I appeared just inside the door of Grimmauld place.

I stayed right there by the door though. I could sense the magic that was lingering here. It was oppressive, because I could feel how close I was to it. I was sure if I stepped any further into the house I would trigger it. There was an over turned umbrella stand in front of me that suggested someone may have searched the house, so I wasn't sure if the magic was left behind by the searcher or by a member of the order.

In all fairness the searcher was probably Snape, and he was not likely to leave harmful magic behind. Everyone in the order believed him to be evil because of what he had to do, so they would assume he would do something maniacal. I was more worried about magic left behind by an order member. If anyone had done it, it would probably be Moody, and his magic was likely to be fairly aggressive. I couldn't be sure if he would try to harm someone entering the house, and since I hadn't been privy to Order decision in a few months I wasn't willing to risk it.

So I waited.

Surprisingly I didn't have to wait very long before I heard the trio appear outside the door. I stepped to the side so the door wouldn't hit me when they hurried inside, but that also put me in the shadows, so when I stepped back away from the wall I scare all three of them. Harry and Ron jumped but Hermione screamed.

"Sorry," I said quietly. "I didn't mean to scare you guys. I had to guess where you guys would go to after you disappeared."

"Pretty good guess," Ron smiled. "We weren't even sure we were going to come here."

"I knew you would eventually," I sighed. "What I don't know is why you guys left without me."

"Everything was crazy in the heat of the moment," Ron explained. "I barely even found the others before they left."

"So who initiated? Who was the person who actually apparated?" I asked pointedly.

"I was," Hermione answer looking at the floor.

"And you just went?" I asked. "You didn't look for anyone? Ron just barely caught you?"

"No we looked for Ron," she said honestly, not making eye contact.

"So you made an active choice to leave me behind." I said pointedly crossing my arms over my chest.

"Well I didn't give it much thought," she said squirming guiltily. "But I mean, I wasn't sure you wanted to come. You've been checked out for months."

"I'm sorry that I wasn't grieving the way you would have liked," I snapped. "Did it not occur to you that I might be even more invested in finding this damn locket than you are?"

"I—"

"No Hermione I don't want to hear it," I snapped at her. "Do you know how Harry and Albus ended up in that cave in June? Do you have any idea?"

"I… no." she said.

"I found the cave for Albus." I snapped at her. "I searched all year long until I found that stupid cave. And after researching it extensively I somehow missed the fact that someone else had already been into the cave and taken the horcrux."

Silence followed.

"So do you think, perhaps I care just a little bit," I asked, my voice returning to a normal level. "Perhaps it hits a bit close to home for me?"

"I didn't know," Hermione said quietly.

"Of course you didn't," I said harshly. "You were too busy icing me out this year to know what was going on with me. I bet you don't have a clue about half the things that happened in my life last year."

"I wasn't…" she trailed off.

"Prove it," I pushed. "What did I do for Christmas break last year?"

"Well, you almost died," she whispered.

"Don't repeat what Harry told you," I sighed. "Where did I go, what stopped me from dying?"

"I don't know," she said quietly.

"Some muggle doctor sliced her heart up, and sewed it back together," Ron said as he moved closer to me, looking at Hermione in a different light. "Did you really never ask her?"

"No," Hermione said, her eyes brimming with tears. "But no one ever really talked about it. I thought she didn't want to talk about it."

"Let's just stop, ok?" I sighed. "My point with all of this was that I don't feel you've been treating me right. But, I think we can still move forward from here without have some big fight. We can just agree to treat each other better."

"Ok," Hermione said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Of course I agree."

And so they argument was over. But the fact that we were standing in the former headquarters of the order, unsure of what was waiting for us inside the house remained.

Harry apparently unable to sense the magic in front of us, took a step forward and set it off. Immediately we heard the ghost of Moody's voice ask Severus Snape?

Then with a blast of cold wind, it felt like my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. Hermione named the curse that I already recognized as the tongue tying curse.

I hoped it would be over then, but a ghostly figure rose from the ground, and my breath caught in my chest when I recognized it however altered as Albus. It looked how I imagine he would look now that he was decomposing, and it began to float toward us. My back crashed into the wall in my haste to back away from him. Harry told him that we were not the one who killed him. But it seemed that the word kill was the trigger to get the strange figure to disappear. It exploded back into dust and swirled away.

Hermione checked quickly, and saw that we were alone in the house. So we went to find somewhere to stay for the night. Ron held me hand as we walked, but he still seemed awfully buddy-buddy with Hermione to me. Or was I just being jealous? When we picked a room and Ron and Hermione started talking more and more, I decided to just stick with Harry for the night.

He made it pretty clear that he wanted to get out of the room for a bit and I decided to follow him. When he was out of the room, and thought he was alone, he dropped the face he had been keeping up, and I saw that he was in pain. I realized he must be on the verge of a vision, so I followed quickly behind him. It alerted him to my presence, but I didn't let him get away from me. When he went to hide in the bathroom I forced my way in behind him. He tried to close the door on me, but the pain in his head made him weak enough for me to push my way in.

I closed the door behind me as he slumped to the ground, succumbing to the pain. I grabbed on to either side of his face, so I could see easily into his eyes. I used legilimency as he fell into the mind of Tom Riddle. I immediately found the rage that was coursing through him, and caught glimpses of what Harry was seeing in the first person even though he wasn't actually present. What I was able to gather before Harry came back to the present was that a death eater named Rowle was being tortured, and Draco was the one being forced to do it.

* * *

The next morning I woke up before everyone else, so I walked aimlessly through the house. I eventually ended up in the drawing room we had spent time cleaning a few summers ago. I noticed that some of the trinkets that we had tossed out had been returned. Clearly Kreacher had put them back in their homes after stealing them back from the trash. I moved about the shelf, and saw that the little music box that had lulled us all into a weird trance had been returned to the room. A picture of Sirius's mother had been returned to the shelf as well. The shelves were mostly empty and austere looking, but there were a few things here and there that remained. I could remember some of the other things that had been there, and I thought about what would have been where I remembered a certain locket.

It was about that time that I heard the others calling for Harry. I followed the voices until I found everyone up on the third floor in a room that said Regulus Arcturus Black searching around. They seemed to have figured out that R.A.B. was most likely the little brother that Sirius hadn't been very excited to talk about. What they hadn't seemed to have put together was that the locket had been in the drawing room the last time we saw it. I let them search for a little while longer before I said anything.

"Guys," I said, trying to get their attention.

No one seemed to hear me.

"Hey guys." I called.

"Yeah?" Ron said, appearing from searching under the bed.

"It's not in here," I said pointedly.

"Where else would it be?" he asked his brow contracting.

"It was one of the things we threw away from the drawing room." I said, that got all of their attention.

"Are you sure?" Hermione asked.

"I'm fairly certain. Don't you remember that locket we couldn't get open?" I pointed out.

"There's one way to know for sure," Harry piped up moving away from the wardrobe he was searching. "We have to talk to Kreacher."

And so we went off in search of the mean little elf. We decided to start in the kitchen, because that was where his little hidey-hole was. Unfortunately he wasn't in his hidey-hole. We had forgotten for a moment that Kreacher was working at Hogwarts now, so Harry had to call him back to the house. Kreacher came immediately though not exactly willingly.

* * *

Our plans fell into place for us after that. Kreacher told us the story of Regulus getting the locket, and how he was supposed to destroy it but had failed. And then he was sent to find Mundungus the thief with a new respect and friendliness towards the group simply because Harry had given him something that had belonged to Regulus. After a few days Kreacher still hadn't come back, but Remus had shown up at the house. He and Harry had an intense row, which sort of sealed the fact that the four of us were doing this on our own. It may have also sealed the fact that Harry and Remus would never be friends again, but I hoped that wasn't the case. Before he left we also found out that everyone was being forced to register and prove their wizarding heritage. It reminded me of the holocaust I had studied all those years ago in Muggle School.

Kreacher finally brought back Mundungus, and we found out where the locket had ended up. I thought I might scream when I realized that nasty toad from fifth year was trying to ruin my life yet again. And so the plan to infiltrate the ministry was essentially forced upon us. And so we planned and schemed, and planned some more, trying to figure out the perfect way to accomplish this.

We finally decided to just go for it, and just after making that decision I saw Harry dashing off for the bathroom once more, so I sprinted after him and made him let me in once more. I watched as the Tom Riddle searched for Gregorovitch, and killed anyone willing to stand in his way. I listened to Harry thinking that he was trying to find an answer about what had happened between their two wands this summer, but I knew better. I knew he was trying to trace down the whereabouts of the elder wand, and I breathed a sigh of relief at the fact that if he even found out the truth, it would lead him to a corpse that was buried with my wand, while I had the elder wand tucked safely away in the pocket of my jeans, hidden by my robe.


	73. Chapter 73

_**Song for this chapter: Where Are You Going by Dave Matthrews**_

* * *

My role in the ministry infiltration was simple. I was playing the role of distraction so, when everyone else was trying to sneak off to find Umbridge, I was going to be drawing the attention onto myself. The idea was to cause a scene so that people were too focused on me to notice that some of their employees were not actually their employees.

So while Harry, Ron, and Hermione over took three ministry officials, and using Polyjuice potion to take on their appearance, I was going to simply step out of the red phone booth of the visitors entrance. Through the conversation we had with Remus about what was going on with the death eater run ministry of magic, I had discovered that my blood status was in question. The defense of this was that I was plucked from an orphanage without offering proof that I was truly Bianca Potter, so I could be a muggle who was stealing the identity of a famous wizard. Of course the real reason I was on the list was because Tom was the true head of the ministry, and he wanted to use this extension of himself to bring me into his captivity once more.

I probably should have been worried. I probably should have avoided going into the ministry at all, but I honestly didn't care. If they actually took the risk of publicly trying to apprehend me, I had my ability to travel without wand up my sleeve. On the chance that they forced me to surrender my wand, I took the precaution of stowing my actual wand away alongside my trunk in Hermione's little magic bag, and would be carrying a fake wand into the ministry with me that I had glamoured to look just like my old wand.

So the only real risk I ran on my little trip into the ministry was revealing the fact that I could travel by flame, and being forced to explain that to the trio later. Just telling them I wasn't human didn't seem like the best idea, so I was hoping to not have to cross that bridge if at all possible.

So I went with them to the alley they would be hiding in, but then I left them there and continued on my way to the ministry. I climbed into the red phone booth, typed in magic on the keypad, and rode quietly down into the ministry. I told the cool female voice that spoke to me within the booth that my business was to register with the muggle born registration committee, and a badge popped out for me that said Bianca Potter: Registration. I pinned the button onto my robes, and stepped out into the atrium when the booth came to a stop.

I was immediately met by a guard, who's post had apparently been moved to intercept visitors instead of at the end of the atrium. He read my badge, and immediately shunted me off to the side where a man was talking to a witch in the blue robes the others would be trying to steal.

"Tavers, here is the girl you were looking for." The guard said, immediately pulling the attention of the other man over to us.

"Bianca Potter," he said in a slick voice as he moved towards me. "We have been waiting for you. Come this way."

I followed behind him as he led me away from the people who had turned to look when he said my name. He led me over to the table with a muggle registration banner on it. I decided that now was as good as ever to start kicking up the trouble I was here for.

"Muggle registration huh?" I snipped loudly. "You are aware that both of my parents were witch and wizard aren't you?"

"Bianca Potter's parents are indeed witch and wizard," Tavers said in a quiet voice. "You however have offered no proof that you are Bianca Potter."

"You can see my face can't you?" I shouted, flailing my arms about, making a spectacle of myself. "I am the spitting image of my mother, how could I be anyone other than Bianca Potter."

"The ministry of magic is aware of the existence of Polyjuice potion," Tavers said coolly. "We imagine an intelligent woman like yourself is as well. It is out theory that you have assumed the identity of Bianca Potter though this means."

"So you're suggesting that I take Polyjuice potion every day several times a day, "I yelled, stamping my feet. "And you are saying that you think that I have been doing this for the past seven years?"

"I think perhaps we should discuss this calmly in my office," he said in a stern voice, reaching out as if to grab my arm.

"Don't," I said shrilly stepping out his reach and playing the poor little woman role. "You can't man-handle me, I'm not a criminal."

As Tavers moved in on me, and the crowd was watching I saw a group of three moving though the atrium, trying to ignore our little scene. I felt confident that was Harry, Ron, and Hermione so I let Tavers hustle me off into an office for questioning. He moved to slam the door shut, but I stuck my leg out to stop it.

"Sorry, but I don't feel entirely comfortable being alone with you in a closed room," I said in the most naïve and innocent voice I could manage. "I just don't want to be taken advantage of."

"Like I would lay hands on a blood traitor like you," he seethed, his façade falling.

"Oh, but I thought I was just an imposter," I pointed out with a smile. "If I were some thieving muggle, I couldn't be a blood traitor now could I."

"Obviously we need to have you fill out the registration paper work so that can be determined," he barked through clenched teeth as he pulled out a stack of papers, and smacked them down on the table. "And you will of course need to surrender your wand."

"Fine," I said in a measured voice, taking the fake wand from within my robes, and setting it on the table.

He snatched it up, and stuck it in his own pocket, and I hoped that he wouldn't wave it about too much before I left the ministry. I couldn't have it turning into a rubber duck alerting him to its fake nature before I had the chance to make my get away.

I sat at the table and looked over the form. It had all sorts of questions about my heritage. I twirled the quill around in my hand, not filling anything out, staring at the papers.

"So what exactly is the point of these forms," I asked pointedly. "If I were just pretending to be Bianca Potter, wouldn't I have studied up on her heritage to be able to pass through a situation just like this one?"

"Of course you would have," he said in that same slick voice. "We are just waiting for the Polyjuice potion to wear off and reveal your true identity."

"You don't really think that is going to happen do you?" I scathed.

"Of course not." He laughed. "We are just going to wait until the ministry closes for the day, at which time the dark lord will arrive, and the real reason for your detainment shall be revealed."

"I see," I said, pretending to look defeated. "But of course I could just pull a runner."

"Well I suppose you could try," he smiled. "But you have just handed me your wand, so you have very little hope of getting out of here."

I stopped talking. I looked down at the papers once more, arranging my face into a sad and defeated expression. I wanted him to think that I knew all my cards were on the table and that I had given up. That way he would not be expecting me to try much of anything. I did sort of wish that I had learned some wandless magic though.

When I still didn't hear anything going on outside suggesting that it was time to make a quick break to try and catch the others as they left, I decided I might as well find something useful to do with my time. And so I looked up from the table, and made eye contact with Tavers.

He had clearly had some sort of occlumency training, because it was like looking through muddy water to see what he was thinking about. I could only gather flashes of Tom and hope for a reward for being the one to turn me over to him, before he realized what was happening.

"Do not riffle through my mind like some thief in a desk drawer," he shouted at me, his cool façade falling once again.

"But I'm just a muggle pretending to be the witch named Bianca Potter," I said in a sweet voice. "How could I see into your mind without magic?'

"Do not play with me little girl," he raged.

"Go ahead, yell and scream," I laughed at him "Make a big scene so everyone comes running. Then maybe I will steal one of their wands, hex you, and disappear into the night."

He looked like he was going to have a stroke or something, but he didn't say anything after that. We had ourselves a bit of a standoff, each of us paced on the opposite side of the room watching the other but not talking. I was mostly unperturbed, but there was a minor issue with Tavers being on the side closer to the door. When I finally heard the others out in the atrium, which I was sure their departure would be audible, it was going to be difficult to get out of the room.

As it turned out the others made a bolder departure than expected, and it solved my problem. There was a ruckus in the atrium as the floo grates were being slammed shut, which sent Tavers hurrying out of the room to see what was happening. He was watching Rancor bustle a group of muggleborns along, and it didn't look like he had figure out that it wasn't really Rancur just yet. I kept close behind him, so I wouldn't have to run to far to catch the group when they left, but to also avoid pointing out which wizards were in disguise too soon.

When the wizard Ron was masquerading as waltz into the atrium, I knew the cover was blown, so I dashed out from behind Tavers and made a break to catch the others. I caught Harry's hand just before it disappeared, and I felt myself get pulled along with them. I felt Harry's hand nearly slipping from mine, and I held on even tighter. The pressure started to lessen, and I caught a glimpse of the front door of Grimmauld place for a second, then I heard a scream and saw a flash of purple light before the pressure increased once more and we whipped off to some other location. And then when the pressure abated once more, I was face down in a pile of leaves.

* * *

I pulled myself up off of what I discovered was a forest floor, and immediately noticed that Hermione was hunched over Ron who was moaning in pain and drenched in blood. I quickly dashed over to Hermione's side, and started digging around in her bag to find my wand. When I had it in my hand I pulled it out, and then froze. I realized that I didn't know a spell to fix a splinching.

I made a snap decision as I saw Ron writhing there in pain, bleeding onto the forest floor. And I brandished my wand, to stun him. His eyes closed, and he stopped moving. It accomplished two ends. Hermione could work more efficiently without him thrashing about, and Ron would no longer be in pain. Harry handed Hermione the essence of dittany, and she quickly went to work spreading it on Ron's wounds. Harry set to work putting up the tent, while I tore the most of the bottom off of my shirt to fasten a sling for Ron's arm.

Once the tent was erected Hermione set to work putting up protective enchantments while Harry and I moved Ron as gingerly as possible into the tent and onto one of the camp beds inside. We settled him on the bed, and I cast the spell to wake him up. He groaned a bit, but it was clear that his pain level had gone down quite a bit.

"I'm sorry I stunned you Ron," I said quickly. "It was the only thing I could think of to help with your pain."

"It's okay," he said in a tired voice looking up from the bed. "What's going on with your shirt?"

"Well you're wearing most of it," I laughed. "I'll just go grab another one."

I went to pull my trunk from Hermione's bag, while the others started talking about what had just happened. I returned my trunk to its normal size after stowing it away next to the camp bed closest to Ron's, and started digging through it for a new shirt while I listened in on the conversation. I hurried to swap from my torn t-shirt to for a nice thermal shirt hoping no one was looking at me while I took in the fact that we could not return to Grimmauld place and that we would probably have to stay here for a while until Ron had healed.

I went back over to join the others, and climbed carefully onto the bed next to Ron, so that I could be close to him, but made a point not to jostle him and cause him more pain. While I lay there holding tightly onto him, the conversation turned to a happier note. While it had been a bit of a train wreck at the end, the trip into the ministry hadn't been for nothing, we found ourselves officially in the possession of a horcrux. We passed it back and forth trying to pry it open, but not amount of force or magic seemed to make any difference.

Harry put it on for safekeeping, and we decided to take turns keeping guard of the tent. Harry took the first watch, while Hermione fussed about what to do for food. I lay with Ron, letting her fret a bit sadistically for a minute before I let her know that I did have some supplies stashed away in my trunk. She had expected us to return to Grimmauld place so she hadn't packed food, but I had anticipated that we might not be returning home after walking into the ministry, so I had stashed a few of the things I could find in the kitchen before we went.

"I snagged some crackers and bottled drinks from the kitchen before we left," I told her as I dug through the part of the trunk I put it in. "They were the only things I could find this morning that wouldn't go bad sitting in my trunk."

"We can't live on crackers," she said as I set them on the table. "But the pumpkin juice does actually have several vitamins in it so that's really good. I'm glad you thought to raid the kitchen."

"I have my moments," I chuckled. "But we'll have to figure out food to eat with the crackers won't we… alright I've got it. We can make a soup."

"With what?" she asked, gesturing to our un-stocked kitchen.

'Well we are in the forest right?" I said, running my hand through my hair. "There's got to at least be some mushrooms or something."

And without further ado we both went out and started gathering all the mushrooms we could find that didn't look like they would kill us. We probably spent an hour scouring the forest, but we only came up with like a cup and a half of mushrooms to put into the soup. And really calling it soup was a bit grand to call it soup when it was basically water and mushrooms, but it sounded slightly less pathetic when it was called soup.

After the sad meal, Hermione gave Harry a chewing out for having slipped into Tom's mind once more, while I kicked myself for missing the opportunity to see it as well. Hermione went for the next shift of guard duty, and I climbed back into bed with Ron to grab a quick nap before it was my turn. I ended up not getting much sleep since Harry and Ron were talking about what he had seen in his dream, and I wanted to know that as well. So in exchange for a bit of rest before duty I got to know that Tom had found an killed Gregorovitch and was one step closer to the answer of where the elder wand had gotten to.

Halfway through the night I got up out of the bed, shushing Ron back to sleep when I jostled him, and went to replace Hermione at the tent opening. She was hovering halfway between sleep and being awake so I gave her a gentle shake and told her to go in and go to sleep. She did so willingly, and I sat down Indian style on the ground, holding on to my wand, and watching the forest in case someone was out and about. Of course there wasn't anyone, but you couldn't be too cautious.

* * *

Once everyone was up for the day, we decided that we should probably move. So we packed up all of our things, and removed all traces that we had been camping in the woods by where the Quidditch world cup had taken place. I held Ron tight to me so that he wouldn't have to hold onto anyone and jostle his injured arm, and grabbed Harry's hand to join in the slide along apparition to our next location.

We set up camp once more, and once Ron was settled, I set off with Harry to get food from the village we were camping near. On the way there we ran into dementors. The presence was oppressing before we even saw them. Harry tried to conjure a patronus and he couldn't. I tried, and I got a pitiful mist for a second before that dispersed, and the coldness crept further in. I could hear my own screams in my ears, but I tried to think through it.

"We should head back," Harry shouted, and I realized he was probably hearing screams of his own. "I can't get my patronus to appear."

"Go ahead," I shouted back, as I started pulling the cloak off of me. "I can't eat that mushroom crap again."

"A little food isn't worth it, what if they were sent by Voldemort" He shouted back. "They could make you pass out or something, or they might attack you."

"I'm taking the risk,' I said pointedly dropping the cloak so it hid him completely once more."If I don't make it back to the tent in an hour come looking for me."

"Fine," he agreed when he realized I wasn't going to be swayed.

So he set off the way we had come, and I tried to ignore the screams in my ears as I hurried into the village up ahead. I tried to focus on something that wasn't sad, but wasn't happy so I could keep focused but not lure the dementors closer to me. In the end I thought about the path that Harry and I were sitting on, and what it would lead to in the end.

I made it into town without encountering the dementor or group of dementors we had felt, but the presence in the town was definitely extensive. I hurried into a little shop, and I was excited to see that several of the patrons inside were wearing robes. We were outside a wizarding village. That was good, since I didn't actually have any muggle money on me. It was a little mini market, so I grabbed a basket from the front, and worked my way through the shelves trying to find food for all of us.

I had filled my basket with all the makings for sandwiches and real soup instead of that joke we ate yesterday. I was reaching up to a top shelf for a canister off coffee when I realized that someone was watching me. I peeked out of the corner my eye as I set the coffee in my basket, and saw that it was a male wizard with his wand already drawn. I moved casually around the corner like I was still shopping, but I drew my wand from inside my robe as soon as I was out of sight. The man quickly appeared at the end of the row I was now in, and I made my move. I shot a stunner at him before he got his wand up. He crumpled to the ground, and I moved forward to try and quickly pay for my food and leave.

When I got to the counter I discovered the there was another male wizard that had either stunned or killed the clerk who was lying on the ground. He drew his wand first, so I had to cast a quick shield charm and make a break for it. The shield guarded me from whatever his curse was but he was still pursuing me. I ran out of the shop basket all and, and tore down the street. I could hear him behind me so I shot a curse behind me.

I still heard his footsteps so clearly I had missed. The next second a curse of his hit the basket hanging from my arm. It blew to pieces, but I managed to snatch the somewhat mangled loaf of bread. I turned quickly, so I was running backward but I could see my pursuer. I focused and quickly shot a stunner right at his chest. It hit the mark and he went down hard. Deciding not to take any risks, I skidded to a stop, focused on the panic the attack had me feeling, and channeled it to send the flames racing over my skin.

The tent wasn't actually too far away, but I didn't want anyone else who could be watching to be able to follow visually where I had gone. So I let the village disappear, and a hiding spot just out of sight of the tent appear in front of me. I stepped out from behind the tree and hurried through the protections around the tent, impressed by Hermione's spell work, as I was being allowed in, but I was certain that no one would have been able to follow me and still see me.

I ducked into the tent, with my sad little loaf of bread and threw it down on the table with a sigh. I flopped down in a chair, and began pulling my hair into a braid.

"So I think there are death eaters in the town or something," I told them. "I didn't recognize either of them, but two guys attacked me at the market. I lost everything but the bread when I ran."

"I told you the food wasn't worth it," Harry sighed.

"We were thinking we should get out of here anyway," Hermione said in a tired voice. "With the dementors, and now the death eaters, this place isn't safe."

"I agree," I said as I noticed a chain around her neck. "Hey are you wearing the horcrux?"

"Yeah…" she said. "We're going to wear it in shifts, because we noticed it was affecting Harry's mood heavily."

"Alright," I agreed easily. "That doesn't surprise me actually, with how the diary was able to get to Ginny, the necklace can probably do the same thing if someone gets too close to it for too long."

We all thought on that as we packed everything up, and got ready to move once again. Once everything was packed away into Hermione's little bag, we pulled down the protective enchantments, and then we grabbed hands and apparated away. We settled down in a field somewhere in the middle of nowhere for the night instead.

Hermione took some eggs from the farm that we were staying at, leaving them money to alleviate her guilt. We paired that with the bread I managed to bring back from the failed shopping trip, and had toast and scrambled eggs for dinner. It was a nice night where everyone was full and cheerful, but it was short lived.

* * *

I had taught my body years ago to do the best it possibly could without food, so I was able to traverse the days were we had to get by on what was left of my crackers, or a few berries from near out campsite a bit better than the others. Harry did pretty well, but he was used to not getting a lot of food at the Dursley house so that wasn't a surprise. Hermione did as good as could be expected for someone who wasn't use to missing meals. Ron was a bit of a nightmare really. I held him dear in my heart, but on the nights that he was forced to wear the horcrux and go without a good meal I really wanted to strangle him.

The horcrux had a slightly different effect on each person. Harry became sullen and irritable when he wore it. He seemed quick to find faults in the in everyone else. Hermione became extremely worrisome, and hovered on the verge of tears if she had it on too long. She was like a mother that was about to find out her child was dead or dying. When I wore it I felt more anxious, and I felt more suspicious I guess. I found myself watching Ron and Hermione like a hawk when I had it on. But it was Ron's reaction when wearing the horcrux that worried me the most. Sure it made him irritable, and irritating at that, but what was a real concern was that it also made him suspicious. And his suspicion was directed at Hermione and Harry. So not only was he clearly looking at Hermione he clearly felt some sort of claim over her because he was feeling jealous of a relationship that he was making up in his mind.

I tried to focus on our travels through the countryside as we searched for other horcruxes, and tried to figure out some way to destroy the one we had, but it was hard. The problem between Ron and I just seemed to keep festering even after I took off the horcrux. All of us had started to fight, but Ron and I did not. It was not because we had a solid relationship, but because I knew that if I started yelling I wouldn't stop. I felt duped and used. I had given him everything, and then I had heard him say Hermione's name in his sleep, but I had stayed with him. I had convinced myself that I had heard wrong, and that he still cared about me, but he obviously didn't. Or at least he didn't care enough. Hermione was what he wanted.

Surprisingly I felt no anger toward Hermione. She still kept a respectful distance from Ron. She clearly knew of his feelings, but did nothing to act on those feelings when she had them as well out of respect for me.


	74. Chapter 74

_**Song for this chapter: One More Night by Maroon 5**_

* * *

We kept coming up empty handed, and tensions steadily rose higher and higher. Other than a conversation we heard from some people on the run talking by the river we had no word about how anyone else was doing out there. The tensions and the jealous the locket caused Ron brought out a new side of him. He became very pushy physically. It wasn't like he was going to force me to do anything, but it seemed clear that he needed me to give him what he was asking for in order to prove that I was loyal to him. And so we ended up out in the forest so Hermione and Harry wouldn't see us on more than one occasion, and I felt awful every time because it wasn't special like it had been before. It was like a job that I had to do instead of something I wanted to do.

Not since my first year at Hogwarts had a man made me feel dirty, and yet Ron did it with a smile on his face. I loved him, but in a way I hated him. I knew we were bad for each other and we weren't working as a pair anymore at all, but I couldn't seem to stop myself. It was a buoy to my self-esteem that Rom couldn't seem to stop either.

Worse than not learning about people back home, was learning more about Ron. I lay awake one night while Harry stood guard, and Hermione took a shower. I thought Ron was asleep, but when I rolled on to my side. I saw that his eyes were open and he was staring at the light moving about on the roof of the tent. I didn't think much of it, until I rolled back onto my back to see what he was looking at. The dim lamp Hermione had lit within the partially sectioned off shower area of the tent was casting her shadow on the room. Casting a very revealing shadow, that Ron was watching avidly. My heart broke, because I knew in that moment that we were over.

The next day was my day to wear the horcrux and that made the heart break even worse. In the end the only way I could find to try and deal with it without starting the inevitable fight with Ron that would tear us apart and cause some serious problems without little hunting expedition. I pulled my guitar out for the first time since we had left the burrow and I played. It was a surprise how easy the words came to express the situation I found myself in. They were completely transparent, and yet they were poetic enough that I doubted the others knew what I was singing about.

_Well I've heard there was a sacred chord_

_David played and it pleased the Lord_

_But you don't really care for music, do ya ?_

_Well it goes like this:_

_The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift_

_The baffled king composing Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Well your faith was strong but you needed proof_

_You saw her bathing on the roof_

_Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you_

_She tied you to her kitchen chair_

_She broke your throne, she cut your hair_

_And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Oh baby I have been here before_

_I've seen this room and I've walked this floor_

_You know I used to live alone before I knew you_

_And I've seen your flag on the marble arch_

_And love is not a victory march_

_It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Well there was a time when you let me know_

_What's really going on below_

_But now you never show that to me do you_

_And remember when I moved in you_

_The holy dove was moving too_

_And every breath we drew was Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_Well maybe there is a God above_

_But all I've ever learned from love_

_Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you_

_And it's not a cry that you hear at night_

_It's not somebody who's seen the light_

_It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelu_

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

_(Jeff Buckley) _

I didn't feel much better after I sang. It sort of got the emotion out of my system, but it really just felt like I was admitting that our relationship was broke, and that we were just fighting fate to try and stay together. It was like a kiss-punch time moment when the song ended.

Instead I found myself clutching the horcrux locket in my hand as I set my guitar by my bunk and paced about the tent in agitation. Ron was on watch, and Harry and Hermione were now sitting at the table. They were either pretending not to have heard anything strange in the song I had just sung, or they really didn't hear what I had meant. Harry seemed a bit shocked, but I gathered from his lingering looks at my guitar that he hadn't heard me sing since the funeral and that was bringing things up for him. To my surprise I realized this was the first time I had sung since then, but I was already upset that there wasn't much more room for that to sink in.

"I was hoping I might convince the two of you to go on watch," I said quietly when I came to a stop in front of the table, and forced them to look me in the eye. "I need to have a discussion with Ron that is of a sensitive nature, and I would appreciate a bit of privacy in which to do it."

"Of course," Hermione said, jumping up from the table so quickly that I began to suspect she knew about Ron's lingering gaze on her and didn't want to upset me.

"We'll send him in," Harry said in a tired voice that made him sound like he knew he was sending Ron to the Gallows.

I wanted to ask him if what I was about to do was the right thing, but it seemed wrong to talk to Harry about dumping Ron before I talked to Ron about it. So I bit my lip and I waited for them both to walk out of the tent. I was left standing there, trying to convince myself that I could do this without crying for a few minutes before Ron walked into the tent.

"Harry said you wanted to talk to me," he said as he walked over to me. "I had a bloody awful time keeping a straight face when he seemed so nervous for me, and I knew what you really wanted with them out of the tent."

"Oh Ron," I started, realizing he had completely misunderstood.

"Why didn't we think of putting them on duty at the same time before?" he asked as he pulled his sweater and t-shirt off. "We needn't have been out in the forest all this time."

"Ron that isn't why I called you in here," I sighed.

"Sure it is baby," he whispered into my ear before he started kissing a trail down my neck. "It's been more than a week now. I know you've got to be feeling the same way as me."

"But I don't Ron. I don't," I whispered, though it was somewhat airy as my body betrayed me with a reaction to his efforts. "You've been ignoring me. I can't just—"

"Shh," he cut me off. "I know what's making you think those things."

And without further explanation he pulled the horcrux off of my neck and yanked it somewhat unceremoniously from my hand to toss it on the table. While a bit of my angst went away I didn't feel much different than I had before Ron came in the tent. Yet I felt quite a bit different because his lips were on my neck and his hand was up my shirt.

I hated myself for it, but I reacted to the way he touched me. I ached for more when he brought these feelings out in me, and I couldn't help but let it happen when he seemed so eager anyway. So even though I had every intention of dumping him when I sent for him I instead cast a silencing charm so Harry and Hermione wouldn't hear us, and then I pulled Ron over to my bunk.

Like it had often been lately we were rough with one another. I left a scratch mark on Ron's hip when I pulled his pants off roughly, and I was rather sure I would have a bruise on my inner thigh from how tightly he was gripping it. My bra was torn beyond repair by the time he removed it, but I was willing to forgive him for it when his hand slipped beneath my panties and fell into a rhythm that we both now knew so well that we could have done it in our sleep.

We joined our bodies and moved together in a quick and nearly painful matter. But I moaned, and he grunted. There was pleasure to be had even if it wasn't making love at all. It was sex. It was fucking. I felt like a whore, and yet I still began to question if I should dump him. If I _could_ dump him. When he was inside of me, and he was making me feel things that made me see stars it seemed impossible that I could end things with him.


	75. Chapter 75

_**Song for this chapter: Fail For You by Luke Sitalsingh**_

* * *

I knew for certain that Harry had thought Ron and I were going to be breaking up when I went out to relieve him and Hermione from duty and he turned to me with a handful of tissue and looked incredibly surprised to see that I wasn't crying. He buried them in his pocket like nothing had happened, but I already understood. I shrugged my shoulders and took possession of the blanket that he had been sitting on and wrapped myself up in it. The silent agreement was born in that moment to just never mention what was going on between me and Ron.

We did have some word from Phineas when Hermione reveal that she had his portrait in her bag. I was relieved to find out that his loyalty to Albus remained even after his death, because he kept his promise to keep his secrets. When he told Hermione about the sword being used to break the ring, he lied to her twice to protect the knowledge of my role in it all getting out. He led Hermione to believe the event had taken place in the office, and that Albus had been the one to do it. I wanted to smack my head when he said it though, how had I forgotten that the sword would destroy a horcrux?

The problem remained that we did not have the sword. It was yet another thing that we didn't have at the moment. It was frustrating, but it was apparently beyond tolerance for Ron. He picked one hell of a fight with Harry over everything. He had the horcrux on, and Hermione noticed it about the same time I did.

"Ron please take that off," she begged. "You wouldn't be saying these things if you didn't have it on."

I felt bile rise in my throat when I thought of Ron saying something similar to me not so long ago. Still I hoped that he would take the horcrux off, and that this madness would stop, but the turning in my gut told me it wouldn't. My heart was racing in my chest in a way that told me this was the end.

Ron was shouting again about how we didn't seem to be doing anything. I couldn't even listen to his shouting over the pounding of my heart in my ears. My life was falling apart right in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt as if I were watching a slideshow as snapshot after snapshot of my time with Ron flashed through my head. I was disgusted by the many despicable pictures I saw of me demeaning myself in an effort to keep him, and still I was desperate for him not to leave, what was wrong with me?

The shouting finally stopped when Ron turned to leave. He was halfway to the opening in the tent when I found my voice again. I took a staggering step forward and I wrench my clenched jaw open. I wasn't even sure he heard me when I finally spoke.

"Ron," I called, causing him to pull up short at the tent flap. "If you walk out of here right now, that's it. If you leave we are done."

He didn't even spare me a look back. He just left the tent. That was it, just like that we were over, and he didn't even care. How could I have gotten myself in so deep with him? Hermione followed him out looking as lost as I felt, but I was frozen to my spot trying to understand where my life had gone. Harry stood silently beside me, and I wished he would hold me but I didn't dare ask him to.

When Hermione came back into the tent and burst into tears over Ron's departure I told myself I was going to wall of my heart. It was just me, I would not let anyone else in, and I would not care. I would finish the tasks left to me as well as helping Harry complete his, and then I would leave. Clearly I had it right in my last life when I chose to stay aloof.

I made on other decision as I lay in my bunk that night. I decided that when Harry and Hermione were far enough along to do this on their own I was going to leave them. I was going to take some time on my own to prepare myself for what I had to do at the end of this war. I had to mentally get ready for the fact that I would have to kill my own brother before this war was over, and I had to prepare myself for the fact that I would probably die before the end of this war.

The other decision that I made was that I was going to tell Hermione everything. I didn't have it in me to say it all aloud, so I made a mental note to write a letter explaining that which wouldn't be in the journals about my transformation from bird to human. And when I departed from them I would leave her with the stack of journals and the letter. I would have the letter explain it all, and ask that she put how the story ended and get it bound into a book. I knew I could trust her to make sure that the knowledge was shared with everyone else, and should she read the journals before I passed away, I was pretty sure I could trust her to keep my secret. And so while I felt empty, I also felt resolved, so I was able to fall asleep even if the sleep was fitful.

It felt almost strange not to hate her after everything that had happened throughout the day. But in a way I thought maybe she had it worse than me. She didn't have to live with the awful things she had done like I did, but she had to live with the thoughts of what she hadn't had. She had to live with the memories of what she had witnessed between Ron and I and pair that with her desires in relation to him. And she felt obligated not to mourn his leaving, though the tears this afternoon had been a slip up. I was at least free to cry openly if I wanted to. Yet I had no tears to spill. Ron had emptied me out, there was nothing left inside of me.

* * *

There was a depression hanging over the group after Ron left. I thought Hermione might have cried more than me, but I couldn't fault her for it. We stayed at our campsite from where he left us for longer than we would have stayed anywhere else. I knew that everyone was hoping he would come back, but I knew Ron better than that. I was sure that he would want to come back eventually, but it would take a while for his stubborn anger to go away. By the time that he was ready to come back, it was unlikely that he would be able to find us. We couldn't leave an opening for him to be able to find us without leaving an opening for the other side, so once we left this camp spot that was the end of it. He wouldn't be able to find us.

We travelled aimlessly for a while. We tried to think of places where the sword might be, and go there, but we were coming up empty on a daily basis. From what we had heard the sword that was taken to the vault after members of the DA tried to steal it was a fake, and I could not even begin to guess where Snape would have hidden it away. I wanted to scream, because I knew that he was truly on our side, and yet he was not helping our side by getting the sword to us, he was putting it further from our reach.

With everything that was going on, Harry was losing faith in what Dumbledore had really taught him, and if he was going to be able to succeed. I wanted to be able to reassure him, but every time I thought of Harry and Albus at the same time, I remembered the task that he had left for me, and I could barely look at Harry let alone try to reassure him that Albus had his best interests at heart.

When we moved on we needed food again, and we were camped on a rocky hillside by a village. There was not much the land had to offer us. I decided to make a trip into the little village both because we did truly need food, and because I needed to be to be out of the tent. I needed to be away from things that reminded me of Ron. And at the moment that included his closest friends.

So I left with the invisibility cloak to appease the others, and snuck down into the village. It was chilly out, and I had to be careful not to leave footprints in the light snow that sprinkled the ground, but it was nice to be out and about regardless. The village consisted mostly of muggles, but I followed traces of magic in the town to the home of a witch and wizard.

I snuck up to the side of their house, and picked through their recycling bin until I found a copy of the daily prophet. I tucked it under my arm, and continued on down to the center of the town so I could find some food for us. It was getting late, so most of the town was closed down for the night. I walked quietly up to the back door of a tiny little store that could hardly be called a market, and magically unlocked the door.

I slipped quickly inside, and closed the door so that no one would be encouraged to come investigate. I pulled the cloak off so I could move more freely. I grabbed a canvas tote off of a shelf in the back room, and continued on into the front part of the store. I filled the bag with a few cans of the soup that was on the shelf, as well as some of the fruits and vegetables that were in a crisper next to the drinks. I grabbed a jug of milk while I was there. I topped it off with bread and a pack of sandwich meat. I took two galleons out of my pocket and put them on the counter next to the register. It wasn't muggle money, but the coins were made out of gold so hopefully the store owner wouldn't be too upset about the fact that I had technically stolen their merchandise.

I put the paper in with the food, and secured the bag over my shoulder before repositioning the cloak around me. I snuck back out of the store, locking it back up behind me, and hurried on my way out of town. The silence had been nice, but I was starting to get a little anxious being so exposed after months of hiding away in the tent. It took me about 20 minutes to get back to the tent, but I didn't run into any problems so that was nice.

I set the spoils on the table with a brief smile at Hermione before grabbing the paper I had scavenged and an apple and hurrying over to my bunk. I settled under the covers, spreading the paper out across my knees and bit into my apple. I nearly spit it back out in my lap when I read what the paper said. There was a ten thousand galleon reward out on Harry and a five thousand one out on me. It seemed the so-called ministry was very interested in getting their hands on at least one of us, and they were willing to pay to make that happen.

"Well, we're officially bad ass criminals Harry," I chuckled at him from my bunk tossing the paper over to him before I continued eating my apple.

"You can't be serious?" Hermione said as she snatched up the paper. "They have actually put a bounty out on you guys?"

"I suppose I should be insulted," I sighed leaning back against the pillows. "I mean they are basically saying that you are better than me."

"Oh please," Harry laughed, and it was nice to hear some cheerfulness in the tent.

"We should be careful though," Hermione said as she put the rest of the spoils away. "The bounty will mean there will be more snatchers out looking for all of us. Maybe we should add to the wards."

"I can't think of anything else we could add," I said honestly. "Actually, if we add more we might even be creating a beacon leading back to us. You know a distinctive magical signature and all."

"Maybe," Hermione said distractedly as she tapped her chin in thought. "I wish I had that magical theory book I read last summer."

"I could try looking through what I have in my trunk," I said with a shrug as I hoisted myself back off the bunk.

I disappeared into my trunk, and for the first time in a while I felt almost normal. I sat at my desk and I thumbed through my notes and for just a few minutes I could almost pretend that I was just a student. I could pretend that no one had died. For just a moment I wasn't on the run and I wasn't slated to first murder my brother and then die myself. A moment wasn't nearly long enough.


	76. Chapter 76

_**Song for this chapter: Try by Pink**_

* * *

On another quiet day sitting in the tent unsure of how to proceed Hermione had me look at her Tales of the Beadle Bard book. She had found a symbol written on a couple of pages, and she thought it might be a rune, but she didn't recognize it. She had checked it against her book, but since I had done so well in runes she thought I might recognize something she was missing. I was tempted to comment on her admitting that I knew something she didn't, but our relationship was still healing so I doubted that would go very well.

I did recognize the symbol she was having me look at, but it wasn't a rune and I wasn't sure I should tell her what it was. On the one hand, Albus must have wanted them to know about the deathly hallows if he had given Hermione the story about them, and he had marked the story with their symbol. But then on the other hand we had talked on multiple occasions about how the deathly hallows lured wizard after wizard into making horrible choices and committing atrocious crimes to try and pair the three items together. So was it a good idea to tempt either of my companions with them?

I stared at the book for a long time trying to make up my mind, but in the end I decided that my best bet was to leave it too Hermione to figure it out on her own, but to also appear to have at least tried to have helped her figure out what the symbol meant. So I went down into the office I had put together in my trunk and dug out my flash cards. I pulled out the ancient runes cards from the stack and climbed back out into the tent area to compare them to the book. I knew I wouldn't find a match, but I put a good twenty minutes into checking them against one another. I told Hermione that I didn't recognize it, and gave her the book back with a sigh.

"I feel like I remember it from somewhere," I said, and I didn't have to try and sound convincing. "But I just can't place it."

"I don't think I have ever seen it," Hermione sighed. "But I think it's an important clue from Dumbledore."

Hermione kept trying to figure it out, while Harry obsessed about going to Godric's Hollow. He wanted to go for silly reasons, but I thought that it might actually be a good idea. I thought the sword might be hidden there, and we should at least go and search for it. When the conversation about it finally came up I was surprised to find out that Hermione had the same theory. It was interesting to note that Harry thought we were both just pretending to think it was there for his benefit.

We made plans to go, but we wanted to be safe about it. We came up with several precautions, one of which was to use polyjuice potion to take on the appearance of some random people so we wouldn't be recognized. So I volunteered to make another trip into the little village to gather some hairs for us to use. I ended up getting lucky. I had barely breached the town boundaries with the invisibility cloak when I saw a small family playing in the park. There was a mother and father and a little girl running around laughing.

They had left their coats sitting on a bench while they ran around playing, so all I had to do was creep up to their coats and find some hairs on their jackets. The parents were clearly shedders, and it was easy to find hairs on their jackets, but the little girl was a little more difficult. There was hair on her jacket, but most it seemed to be cat hair. I sorted through them until I found a long slightly curled hair that looked like it came from the little girl. I put the three hairs into a vial that Hermione had given me, and moved away from their coats.

The girl was nine or ten,and she was a bit small, but I had a unstructured dress that hit at my thighs that I thought should hit at the ankle if I shrunk down to the girls size so it should be fine. I would need to get my hands a pair of little kid shoes though, so I lurked at the edge of the park, hidden under the invisibility cloak waiting for the family to go home. When they finished playing, I followed them closely back to their house. I felt very creepy while I did it, but I needed a pair of shoes. I barely made it in the house before the father closed the door, and I thought maybe he felt a breeze while I passed or something because he looked around confused.

Once I was in the house it was a little easier. The family went into the kitchen to make food, and I snuck up the stairs to look for the little girls bedroom. It ended up being the very first room at the top of the stairs, so I hurried inside and straight to her closet. I dug through her shoes until I found an old beat up pair at the very back of her closet that I was sure she wouldn't miss. I stuck them into the pocket of my robe, and walked back out of the room. I didn't want to flame travel inside the house incase it drew their attention and freaked them out. I waited until their laughter kicked up in the kitchen, and then I quickly slid out the door with the sound to cover the click of the door closing.

After I left the house it occurred to me that I could have just shrunk a pair of my own shoes, but since I had already taken the girl's shoes I might as well use them. Once I was out of view of the house I flame traveled so that I was just outside the protective boundaries of our camping area. It was getting cold out, so I didn't want to stay out in the weather any longer than I had to. But I also didn't want to give my flame travel secret away just yet.

Harry and Hermione were waiting for me when I returned to the tent. I showed them what I had gotten, and explained my idea for dealing with the size idea issue. We agreed that tomorrow would be the day, and even though we would be using Polyjuice potion, and traveling under the invisibility cloak we decided to leave at night. When returning to our birth town, we could not take too many precautions. It made sense for people to expect us to go there at some point.

* * *

When it was all said and done, it was a very different experience. I was suddenly very short, and my friends did not look like my friends, but that was just the beginning of it. It was also very strange to be back in Godric's Hollow once again, while being able to remember the town. Even in the dark, with everything covered in snow there were familiar landmarks for me. I wanted to run about and relive the memories, but that wasn't what we were here for. Not to mention Harry and Hermione might find it a little weird if I told them a story about how a tree by the market was my favorite perch. I wanted to be able share some of my feeling of familiarity with Harry though, so I sort of invented truth to include Harry.

"I remember the church yard," I whispered to Harry as we moved closer to the church. "Do you remember it?"

"No," he said quietly. "I don't remember anything about this town."

"One time, mom brought us here to play," I told him. "We ran around in the church yard with her. We played tag and hide and seek. I remember trying to climb up in the tree to hide from her."

"That sounds nice," Hermione smiled.

"Yeah," Harry breathed, and he sounded sad.

I wished I could take it back. Lily and I had played a sort of hide and seek game in the park, and it was a very nice memory, but sharing it in its modified form had not given Harry the same feeling apparently. It seemed to do more harm than good really.

The others decided to go into the cemetery, so we could look for our parents' graves, but I wasn't sure I wanted to. I followed them in, but it was hesitantly. We moved through the headstones looking for one that said Potter, but that was not the familiar name that we found first. Instead we found the Dumbledore family headstone. It was Kendra and Ariana's grave, and I was surprised by how heart breaking it was to see it.

Albus and I had sat together in front of the fire on more than one occasion and talked about the tragedy of Ariana's passing. The sadness was intense, but the not knowing whose fault it truly was ate away at him, and filled him with such guilt. The first time I had ever seen Albus cry was when he had told me that he thought maybe it had been him.

I stood there for a long time looking at what Albus had chosen to have engraved on the headstone. Where your treasure is, there will your heart also be. There were so many things it could mean, but to me it felt like his lament. It was as if there words were an apology to Ariana. No one could really understand what those words would mean to him, because there was only one other person besides Ariana in the room the day that she died, and that man was not a good man. He was not a man that would understand that Albus wished he could take everything back.

I was thinking about how I thought the words most likely meant he had wished he had held his sister as a treasure rather than the deathly hallows, when Hermione tried to get me to come look at something. I waved my hand somewhat dismissively at her as I traced Ariana's name on the headstone. I hoped that where ever Albus was he had realized that his sister had been a treasure to him. I hoped that he had been able to forgive himself. And I understood his hesitance to let others in on the existence of the deathly hallows a little bit better while I stared at the monument to someone lost because of the pursuit of immortality.

I pulled myself away from the Dumbledore grave just as Hermione finally found the Potter grave. I thought it had been a crushing blow to look at Ariana's grave, but to see Lily's name carved into the white marble was like having my heart flayed open. It was worse than seeing Cedric's headstone by far. I dropped to my knees in front of it, and I found myself glad to be inhabiting the body of a child because it meant I didn't fall far.

I reached up and held Harry's hand as I stared at the headstone, and I cried my heart out. It hurt so much to look at the headstone that I almost wished we had never come. But at the same time it was like I needed to be here. I needed to see this for some sort of closure. Reading the inscription on James and Lily's headstone was by far worse than the one I had already read. It said _the last enemy that shall be destroyed is death_. I knew that it wasn't meant as something harsh, but it felt like a line being drawn in the sand. Lily could defeat death, and live beyond it in another realm, but I would be forever trapped here in the realm of the living. While I thwarted death continually, I could also never actually defeat death.

Hermione conjured flowers and Harry put them on the grave. They started to move away, but hesitated when I did not move. I could see that they didn't want to leave me, but I needed a bit of space.

"I'll catch up in a minute," I said, wiping at my eyes. "Just give me a moment please."

They walked off to give me a moment of privacy, and I appreciated it. I reached inside the lumpy sweater I was wearing over my dress and pulled out that urn I had collected last time I was in Godric's Hollow. I brushed my fingers over the engraving for a moment before I gently opened it. I took out a pinch of the ashes and sprinkled them along the top of the head stone. I close the urn and put it back in my sweater. I stared at the blue tinged ashes on the stone for a moment before the coldness of the snow really started to get to me. I picked myself up and hurried after the others, surprised to see that they were standing in defensive postures.

I saw them looking around for something, but they apparently didn't find what they were looking for. I joined them, and we decided it was time to move on. We were here to find the sword so the trip down memory lane really had to stop. We started down the street and even though we were searching for Bathilda Bagshot's home we found ourselves at the Potter house. I had seen it once, but I couldn't handle seeing it again. I could not make myself look at the house.

So while Harry and Hermione looked at the house. I kept my back to it, and looked out at the empty street. At least it had started out empty. As I looked down the street I saw a tottering form coming our way. I had to nudge the others a couple times before they turned to look at me. When they did they saw what I was pointing out to them, and it immediately had their attention.

I wondered if perhaps this person had been what Harry and Hermione had been looking at in the cemetery. Had this person been following us the whole time? I really needed to pay more attention, because I was clearly oblivious to what was going on around me.

When the figure came closer we realized it was a little old woman. It had to be Bathilda right? What other old woman would be out in the cold snowy night approaching a random group of people. She beckoned for us to follow her, and since we all thought it was Bathilda we decided to follow her. I decided to play it a little safe, and I looked into her eyes, quickly trying to use legilimency on her before she turned away from me. I was surprised to find that I couldn't see anything. I cast the spell nonverbally once again, just to see if I had done it wrong, but I still came up with nothing. It made me extremely nervous. I had never just hit a brick wall like that before.

We followed her back to her home, but I hardly even had my eyes on her. I was suspicious of some sort of trap after the blankness of her mind, so I wanted to know exactly what was going on around me. The night was silent other than our footsteps though. Everything seemed peaceful and safe, but I just had this sinking feeling that we were walking into something bad.

When we entered the house that feeling increased. The house smelled rotten. It was like something had gone very wrong in the house, but I couldn't quite place what the smell was. She fumbled around trying to light some candles and I was confused that she was not using magic. She remembered that she could use magic didn't she? Or was she not able to anymore. Was it possible that a dementor had kissed her? Could that explain the lack of speaking, lack of magic, and my inability to use legilimency on her?

My uneasiness grew when I was fairly sure I heard her hiss at Harry. He seemed completely unalarmed though, so I wondered if I was imagining it. I looked at Hermione to see if she had noticed it, but she didn't look too alarmed so I assumed I was making it up in my head.

Bathilda indicated that she wanted Harry to go upstairs with her, and we thought she must want to give him the sword alone so we allowed it, but I took the chance to investigate the house a bit. It was in a state of disrepair, and the smell was really awful. I wondered where it was coming from, but I also wanted to check and see if there was someone lurking around the corner or in another room waiting to ambush us. In the kitchen, I didn't find much other than an awfully rotten fruit smell. There was a bowl full of rotten apples and bananas, and I wondered if Bathilda was struggling to see. Her eyes had seemed a little foggy. Maybe she was going blind.

I peeked into a side room, and saw that it was an empty bathroom. It looked like it hadn't been used in a while. Maybe she had a second bathroom? I moved back out and through the kitchen. I saw Hermione standing awkwardly in the living room like she didn't know what to do with herself. I just shrugged at her as I looked around the room once more. I saw another door off on the left wall so I went over to it. I was just opening it when there was a sort of thumping sound from upstairs. Hermione called out to Harry as I was opening the door.

I heard Hermione saying something as her voice move further from me, but I didn't turn to look at her. I was staring into the room I had just opened and trying not to throw up. I suddenly understood the smell in the house. There was blood all over the room. It was clear that someone had been murdered in the room. And with that realization, I suddenly understood why I could not ream Bathilda's mind. There was nothing there to read.

I heard more thumping going on upstairs, and I pulled myself away from the gory seen in front of me. I raced up stairs with the fear of facing an inferius. I had never studied how to defend against them so I wasn't sure what to do. But when I reached the top floor and had to pass Bathilda's collapsed and clearly deceased body to get to where the thumping and crashing was coming from I wasn't sure what to expect. I stepped into the room to try and help just as Hermione cast a confringo curse. I was hit by part of the dresser that was blown apart. I felt myself falling back towards the stairs as my head exploded in pain where the heavy piece of wood had hit me.

I saw Hermione and Harry make a break for the window with dimming eyes and I realized that I needed to get out of the house as well. Something was coming. With the last of my focus I pulled my panic to the front of my mind and let the fire explode across my skin. Everything faded to black before I picked a location to appear in.


	77. Chapter 77

_**Song for this chapter: What's Love Got to Do With It by Tina Turner**_

* * *

I woke up, lying on the hard ground looking up at a dark sky, and the first thing I noticed was how cold I was. I noted that I must have returned to my regular size, because my dress was only shielding my thighs from the snow. It wasn't doing much good anyway though, because I had clearly been lying in the snow for a while. The dress was soaked almost completely through, and I was freezing. My sweater was no longer lumpy and big like it had been while I was in the body of a nine year old. It was once again the tight fitting three quarter sleeved sweater I had pulled from my trunk before we left for Godric's Hollow.

I stood up looking around, and I didn't recognize where I was. I also didn't see Harry or Hermione anywhere, and I had no idea where they might be. It looked like I was near some sort of muggle campground. Through the trees a ways off I could see some tents set up and I was surprised my fiery arrival hadn't drawn anyone over to me. I rubbed my arms together, trying to create some warmth as I moved quietly over to the campgrounds. I was surprised anyone would be camping at this time of year, but I was a bit relieved because it gave me a shot at hopefully finding something a bit warmer to wear.

There was a car parked by one of the tents, so I glanced around to make sure no one was watching before I snuck over to it. I pulled on the door, but it was locked so I took my wand from its uncomfortable hiding spot inside my sweater and tapped it on the car door unlocking it. I pulled the door open, and grabbed the towel that was sitting on the backseat. It wasn't much but it would lend me some warmth at least. I wished there were some shoes in there since the little girls shoes had been destroyed when I returned to my normal size.

I wrapped the towel around me, and moved quietly away from the car trying not to think about where I should go next. After the disastrous trip to Godric's Hollow I wasn't sure what to do. We still needed the sword, but what good would it do for me to find it if I couldn't find the others? I rushed my decision a little as my feet burned with the cold of the snow. I focused on how frustrated I was, and let the fire climb over my skin, wishing for the first time that I could feel more of its heat rather than just a bit of warmth. In the rushing of wings the forest was gone, and I was standing in the headmaster's office with a very surprised Snape looking up from a book at me.

"Do you have the sword of Gryffindor?" I asked him, trying to conceal the shivers from my voice so I would not sound weak.

"I do,'' he said in a measured voice. "But surely you already knew that since you are standing here."

"Give it to me," I demanded, some of the chattering of my teeth sneaking through.

"I can't do that," he said in a resigned voice.

"Why not?" I shouted at him.

"Firstly I was instructed to give it to Harry," he said, hurrying on when he realized I was going to start shouting again. "And secondly, the sword has to be given in a moment of need and valor."

"I do need it!" I cried. "And what makes this situation lack valor. Is it not brave to appear in the office of a man who is supposed to be aligned with my enemy and demand that he give me one of his possessions?"

"Because you know I am not actually aligned with your enemy," he sighed. "You are a smart young woman who I believe is still following the orders of Albus Dumbledore, surely you can understand that I am also following orders."

"Then come and give it to Harry, I don't care," I snipped. "But we can't move forward without it, we have to have it."

"Tell me where you are hidden and I can do just that." He sighed.

"I don't know where they are!" I shouted more upset with myself than him. "We got into a bad situation, and we had to bail out of it. They apparated without me, so I have no idea where they are right now."

"Well there isn't much I can do without knowing where they are," he said in a resigned voice.

"Fine," I growled, channeling the anger this whole thing made me feel.

And so I disappeared from his office, and appeared in a random forest. I dashed about the forest searching for the others, but it was easy to see there no magic had been used here in a while. I wanted to scream my frustration, but I didn't bother wasting the time.

I focused kept that anger burning in my chest so I could channel the flames whenever I needed them. I spent the night popping in an out of all sorts of random places in England. I couldn't even begin to think of where the others might have gone, so I just searched everywhere.

As the sun started coming up, I had to stop. Traveling over and over again was extremely draining. I didn't have any money, and I looked like some sort of hobo, not to mention the fact that I was wanted by the ministry of magic, so I couldn't really go into a town to find a bed to sleep in. So I had to settle for a cave that was secluded but didn't have any animal inhabitants. I cast a spell so anyone looking at the opening would just see a rock wall, and I lay down on the cold stone floor, wrapping the towel tightly around me and fell into a fitful sleep.

I woke up after a few hours and started searching again. I searched all day and well into the night before I had to find somewhere to sleep once again. I could feel my body trying to shut down with the combination of freezing cold and the lack of food. When I settled in a grove of trees for the night, I conjured a fire to try and warm myself a bit, but the only thing that would have made me feel warm enough would have been to climb right into the fire. I could barely sleep even with how exhausted I was, because I wasn't sure that the protective charms I put up would be enough. What if someone saw the flickering light of the fire, or something else that I hadn't even thought of? I got a few fretful hours and I started again.

I searched for three whole days before I got lucky. I had taken to searching random places that either Harry or Hermione had ever mentioned at any point to me, or I had a vague memory of Hermione talking about the Forest of Dean so I decided to go there. I was desperate to find them because I could feel myself getting sick, and I was terribly hungry. I was hungry enough that I was considering going into a town with the risk of being caught holding little weight anymore.

As soon as I appeared in the forest of dean, cursing Merlin for the thick layer of snow I found covering my feet, I felt the magic nearby. I moved toward the magic I could feel, hoping that the coming darkness wouldn't have the two on edge just yet. The last thing I need while exhausted and starving, was to have one of them attack me on my way to the tent thinking I was an enemy.

I knew I was getting close when I started feeling the urge to turn around and go back where I had come from. That would have to be one of the first protective spells Hermione would have put up. So no matter the fact that my instincts told me I wanted to leave, I kept moving forward.

When I felt like I was inside some sort of cave, where I couldn't really hear sound I knew I was close. I was sure that I would be able to see the tent if it weren't under magical hiding. I started calling out to Harry and Hermione as I moved closer, because I didn't want them to either attack or flee when they heard someone approaching not knowing it was me.

I breached the last security measure, and finally I could see the tent. Harry was standing in the tent doorway, wand drawn, with Hermione half hidden behind him. When he saw my face he dropped his wand arm, and Hermione ran out from behind him towards me. It wasn't until her arms closed around me, and she began to shake that I realized just how badly I was shaking.

"I f-f-found you," I breathed in relief as she led me towards the tent.

"We didn't know what to do," she said in her worried voice. "We wanted you to find us, but we couldn't risk someone else finding us."

"S okay," I said thickly as we stepped into the warmth of the tent.

"Let's get you warmed up," she said, still sounding worried. "Your skin is blue."

I just hummed at her, and let her lead me into the bathroom sectional. She turned on the shower, and I dropped the damp towel off of me. She stepped out of the bathroom area so I could have some privacy. I quickly slipped out of the sweater, and climbed into the shower. The water felt like fire for a minute. It was great to be warm, but having it hit my ice cold skin was torture in the beginning.

"Stay in the warm water for a while," Hermione called from outside the bathroom sectional. "I will put some clothes out for you."

"T-thank you," I spluttered from under the flow of water.

I just stood there warming up for a long time, but I eventually began to actually shower. I had all sorts of forest debris tangled in my hair, and I was covered in dirt. I looked like some sort of wild animal really. When I felt like I was warm enough, and I was clean I finally shut of the shower and climbed out. I was so very grateful for a wizarding tent that had warm running water. I dried off and put on the sweater, sweat pants, and thick socks Hermione had left for me. I wrapped my wet hair up in the towel and took my things out of the bathroom with me.

Hermione was plating some warm food for me, and I could have kissed her. While Harry was on out keeping guard, and Hermione was distracted in the kitchen, I went over to the little beaded bag under the guise that I was going to put my laundry into my trunk. I quick felt around until I had the portrait of Phineas Black, and pulled it up so it was very near the opening of the bag. I could see that he was in the portrait, so I made eye contact with him before turning to say something loudly to Hermione.

"So Hermione, what made you choose the Forest of Dean?" I asked before looking back at the portrait just in time to see him hurrying out of frame.

"It was just one of the first places I thought of," she explained while I pretended to realize that my trunk had been taken out of the bag and went over to where it was by the bunks.

"Oh, that makes sense I guess," I as I tossed my dirty clothes into my trunk, hoping that Phineas would keep the secret of who had given the information of where we were just in case this somehow backfired.

"So where did you end up?" Hermione asked as I sat down to eat the reheated stew she had dished up for me.

"I don't really know actually." I explained in between bites. "I got hit by the debris from the explosion, and the blow to the head ended up knocking me out in the middle of trying to disappear from the house. So I have no idea where it sent me. It was some sort of camp ground."

"I'm surprised you didn't end up splinched." She said, watching me eat voraciously.

"So was I," I lied. "So after I woke up I started popping in an out of any area I could think of looking for you guys."

"How did you end up here?" She asked, looking interested.

"I remembered you saying something about this place once years ago, so I decided to search here," I told her as I finished my food. "After so many dead ends, I was sure this would be one as well. I was so relieved when I started to encounter the protective magic because I knew I was getting close."

"It does worry me a bit that you made it through," she admitted, taking my plate. "I mean I am glad you made it, but doesn't that mean it is easy to get through our defenses?"

"Well I think part of the reason I was able to fight through it was because I knew why I needed too." I said, as I stood and started moving tiredly toward the bed. "If I hadn't been searching for you guys, I probably would have left when I started having the impulse to go back the way I came. I only recognized it as magic instead of my own mind because I knew it was one of the spells we have been using."

"Oh, well that's good I guess," she said wringing her hands. "But maybe we should move a gain just to be safe."

"No," I barked, a bit too quickly. "I'm sorry, but I am so tired and sore. Can we please stay here at least for the night so I can get some rest?"

"Okay," Hermione agreed, but she seemed nervous about the choice.

"Thank you," I sighed, climbing under the covers. "Just one night."

Hermione went and talked to Harry, but I didn't bother to listen in on their conversation. Now that I had found the group, had gotten the word to Snape so we would have the sword soon, and was warm and in an actual bed I could finally rest. I was finally able to just relax for a second, and after going with almost no sleep I was ready to pass out.

* * *

There was a commotion that woke me up in the morning. Harry was trying to get Hermione and me out of bed, because apparently someone was here to see us. I rolled over, and saw a crown of red hair through my blurry sleep filled eyes. I groaned, and sniffed through my stuffed up nose before rolling back over so I was facing away from him.

"Bianca, are you going to get up?" Harry asked quietly.

"No," I groaned, surprised at the raspy quality of my voice. Apparently I had caught a cold. "I don't want to see him right now."

I pulled the pillow over my head, and refused to partake in the conversation that was taking place. In all honesty it was an argument, but I still wanted nothing to with it. The words were still filtering through to me, but I tried not to let them sink in. I was doing a pretty good job until Ron started trying to make up with Hermione. I could be a big person, and let them be together if that's what they both wanted, but should I be forced to listen to his sappy story about how he found his way back to her?

No!

So I did get out of bed, but only so I could hurry over to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and let it run while I hummed to myself so I wouldn't have to hear them. I decided to just take another shower while I was in there. Besides the warm water helped to clear my sinuses a little so it wasn't all that bad.

When I finally left the bathroom, bundled back up in warm clothes once more I saw them all sitting around the tent looking happy. I spared them a smile over the successful destruction of the horcrux while I pulled my wet hair into a tight braid. I pulled on shoes, a jacket, and a hat before telling them I was going to take the first shift of guard duty. I took up the abandoned pillow and blanket from where Harry had been on duty and watched the forest.

I was freezing even with the blanket and everything I was wearing, and I worried that I might have a fever, but I wasn't worried enough to go back in that tent. I was in the process of trying to think warm thoughts to trick myself into not being cold when Ron came out of the tent with two steaming cups of tea and sat down beside me, offering one of the cups.

"A peace offering," he said quietly, pushing it into my hand.

"Thanks," I said in the same froggy voice. "I don't want to fight with you."

"I don't want to fight either." He said, staring out at the forest. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," I said, but my voice betrayed me and the tears I was trying to fight off. "You just didn't want me."

"It's not like that," he said quietly. "I did want you, I was just torn."

"I don't want to talk about that," I croaked. "I don't want to think about everything that I did with you, when you were thinking of her."

"I was never thinking of her while we were, you know together," he said sincerely.

"That's not the point," I sighed, swiping at my cheek as I lost the battle with the tears. "Look I don't want to hash this out. Now or ever."

"Ok," he said uncertainly.

"If you want to be with her, be with her," I said, meaning it even if it was a bit bitterly. "If you love her, then love her, but please don't torture me with it okay? Don't make me watch you two be lovey dovey when I have nowhere to get away from it."

"Of course not," he said quickly. "I understand that we are all living in close quarters, and so does Hermione."

"Okay then," I said chuckling a bit despite the situation as I sipped at the tea. "Thanks for the tea, I was really cold."

"I thought you might be," he said quietly. "Why don't you let me take over duty for you? No offense, but you look like hell."

"No joke," I laughed, gladly letting him take over duty. "I feel like death. I think I might go get back in bed until Hermione wants to move to a new location. Good job with the horcrux by the way. I'm so glad we finally found the sword."

"Such a weird place for it to be though don't you think?" he said over his shoulder as I headed in.

"Yeah," I said in my most confused voice I could manage. "I don't know what that's about, but I am not complaining in the slightest."

I laid down for a nap, and ended up sleeping for hours. When I awoke in the middle of the night I was relieved that Hermione had deemed it okay to stay another night, and hadn't pulled me out of bed so that we could move to a new location. I got up to blow my nose and get a drink of water. Then I went and woke up Harry who had fallen asleep on duty in the tent opening.

"Budge up and give me the blanket," I told him. "Your bed is lonely, go keep it company."

"Are you up for duty?" he asked as he put his hand on my forehead. "Feels like you still have a fever."

"It's not like I'm delirious or something," I scoffed half-heartedly at him. "I'll be fine, and you need some sleep. Besides who knows if your snatcher wand can really keep us safe."

"Hey now," Harry laughed. "This wand Ron got me from a snatcher is great. I bet it's stronger than your wand."

"I doubt it," I said only half joking. "But really, you look beat. Go to bed Harry."

"You don't have to tell me twice," he said with a yawn as he headed back into the tent.

I spent the rest of the night watching the forest, but there was nothing out there. I twirled my wand around in my fingers to entertain myself and waited for the sun to rise. I had to leave my post to retrieve a roll of toilet paper at one point because my nose was running like a faucet but it wasn't the worst night of my life.

Hermione woke up first, and made some tea before she joined me in the light of morning. She sat beside me quietly for a while looking out at the trees. I knew she had something to say, but I wasn't going to rush her. She would talk when she was ready.

"Look," she said eventually, breaking the silence. "I hate him for leaving. I want to rage and scream at him, but at the same time I just can't you know?"

"I know," I said with a soft smile. "You love him, so you can't really hate him."

"Do you hate him?" she asked so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

"No," I said honestly. "What we had is over, but I don't hate him for ending it. For everything a season and all that."

"Do you hate me?" she whispered almost silently.

"No Hermione." I breathed. "For every person there is a moment when they recognize that they have fallen in love. You don't get to choose who it is, you just fall."

"How can you be so collected about this?" she asked, looking at me for the first time.

"I have to hope that it will turn out alright," I answered as I looked back at her. "I once read a quote, and I remembered it because of how nice it sounded, but I remember it now because of poignant it is. It said 'love is friendship, friendship is love. If love fails, friendship should remain. For friendship is the foundation of love.' I want to hold onto that friendship that I had with Ron, and with you, in the beginning and for that to happen I have to collect myself, and step aside with what grace I can manage."

"I don't deserve your friendship," Hermione said, her eyes falling to the ground.

"Yes you do," I said simply. "You have loved Ron for years, but you stood aside for me. It is I who does not deserve you."

"Probably none of us deserves anyone," Ron said groggily as he joined us outside the tent. "But we have one another, and I'd like to keep it that way if that's alright."

"Sounds like a deal," I said, pulling myself stiffly up from the ground. "I think I should grab a shower. I think my fever has started to break, because I am sweating through all these layers."

And so I left them together out in the weak morning sun, and I hoped that they would talk, instead of Hermione continuing to ice him out. I had given them my blessing, it was probably time they took advantage of it.

* * *

We ended up deciding that we should visit Luna's father. It was because Hermione saw the symbol he wore around his neck in a letter Albus wrote to Grindewald. I didn't think going to see Mr. Lovegood was going to be a good idea. He was surely going to tell the others about the deathly hallows, and I just couldn't see that ending well. Ron and maybe even Harry were likely to get distracted by the task at hand and want to pursue the deathly hallows. Worse yet, they might somehow realize that our group was already in possession of two of the three. We would have all three, except that I had no idea what Albus had done with the stone from the ring. He had inadvertently told me that it was the resurrection stone when he told me he had been tempted by the chance to see his little sister.

I was kind of glad that I didn't know what he did with it. It was best that it wasn't really possible to put the three things together. I had no need to put them together; no need to become the master of death, but the others might consider it. I was certain that Ron would want to put them together. I guess we would find out how each of them would feel tomorrow when Mr. Lovegood told them all about the deathly hallows.

* * *

In the beginning Mr. Lovegood did exactly what I expected him too. He acted odd just like Luna, well more so really. And he told the story of the deathly hallows without much hesitance. He truly believed they were a good thing, so he had no problem sharing the story of them. He clearly hadn't been affected by the pursuit of immortality like others had been.

The group seemed to quickly realize that they had one of the deathly hallows in their possession, but they were wise enough not to voice that to Mr. Lovegood. When the topic of the elder wand came up I became a bit nervous, but they didn't even suspect that Albus was the last known owner so that calmed my nerves a bit.

I was a bit surprised to find that each person found a different hallow to be the most important one. I was sure they would all choose the cloak, especially considering they knew we had it. But only Hermione found it to be the most important. Harry had chosen the stone, which I supposed I could understand, and Ron choose the wand. Why was a not surprised that Ron would choose the wand.

"I bet there are lots of knock of elder wands that end up on the market," I said quietly. "It's probably good for a wand makers business to claim he has one."

"Unless someone tried to kill them to get it," Hermione said darkly.

"I don't know, I think I could see a lesser known wand maker bragging about it," I said chuckled. "I bet they would walk about in the street calling out wanna buy some death sticks, or something like that."

"You are ridiculous," Ron laughed. "There's only one death stick for starters."

"I know," I laughed. "I'm just saying… it could happen."

* * *

What Mr. Lovegood did that I didn't expect was to sell us out to the death eaters. I was made at him for a moment, but when I thought about the fact that they had taken his daughter hostage I couldn't really blame him. He was a parent, he would do anything to get his child back.

It put us in an awful situation though. We had to fight our way out of his house, nearly leveling it in the process. Hermione came up with a brilliant plan to get us all out, but I still couldn't quite believe it had come to that. I always seemed to be surprised by humanity lately.

We made it out, but my fear had been realized. Harry was quickly becoming obsessed with the Hallows. He was losing focus on the horcruxes. I was seriously worried that he was going to try and abandon the quest we were on in pursuit of immortality. I wished I could yell at Albus for even creating this situation, but cursing a dead man really wouldn't do anyone any good.

The three of them had a huge row over whether or not the ring that Albus had shown to Harry. The boys were sure that it was the resurrection stone, and Hermione was sure that it wasn't. I stayed out of the argument under the pretext that I didn't want to be distracted from the task at hand, which was partially true, but I just didn't want to get into a fight and let slip that the boys were right in the heat of the moment.

During the fight Harry took a wild guess at something that made my stomach turn. He was pulling out the letter to show Hermione what he felt was evidence that the cloak was one of the hallows, when he sent the snitch rolling across the floor. He announced that he was sure the ring was inside the snitch. With a sickening roll of my stomach I realized he was right, but I tried to keep my face devoid of any emotion so Harry wouldn't realize I was sure he was right. It helped a bit that Ron didn't seem to believe it, but my heart was racing at the realization that all three of the hallows were within just a few feet of each other. They hadn't been united like this since they were given to the Peverells so long ago.

There was absolutely no way I could let the others know that I was in possession of the elder wand. I could see the desire growing in Harry's eyes, and I couldn't let him know that Albus had essentially handed him all of the deathly hallows in one fell swoop. His focus was all wrong.

On a somewhat brighter note Harry finally realized what Tom was seeking in his questioning and killing of wand makers. It didn't seem he had one of his visions, but he suddenly announced that Voldemort was after the elder wand. The others looked at him like he was crazy, but I was just grateful that he finally figured out what was going on. From what I knew he was right on the money that Tom wanted the wand, but he didn't realize it was part of a set of three.

Harry and Hermione bickered over why Albus wouldn't have just told Harry about the deathly hallows, and I had to bite my tongue once more. Obviously Albus wouldn't have wanted Harry to be as tempted as he was, but he would have also wanted to give him a choice. And when at the end of his life he realized that all three of the hallows were at Hogwarts, I think Albus would have wanted to see them reunited even if he wasn't going to be the one to do it. I just wished he could have been a little stronger in the end. I was thinking about how I wished he had ensured that they stayed separated from one another when I realized that he had.

He had given me the wand under the pretense that I was to keep it safe from Tom. But I realized now I was also supposed to keep it safe form Harry. It fell to me to make the final decision on whether or not the hallows should be connected, and for that I was extremely grateful. I had proved time and time again that I could keep a secret, and this was one that I would keep for eternity.

The arguments continued as we moved about. It led to a very long week, in which I took as many guard duty shifts as I could to avoid the conversations that were taking place in the tent. I took on the duty of trying to find food in the surrounding woods as well. Any time to get out of the tent I capitalized on it. I just didn't know what to do with the three of them.


	78. Chapter 78

_**Song for this chapter: Drones by Jed Whedon and The Willing**_

* * *

The one day I actually forced myself to sit in the tent was when Ron got his radio to tune into Potterwatch He told us it was the only news program out there that wasn't controlled by the other side. So we tuned in to it when he found it, and even though a bunch of the news was bad, it was so nice to know what was going on in the world. I was listening to it so raptly I barely even noticed that the others were in the tent with me. I just sat there listening, sort of phasing the rest of the world out as I did so. I absent mindedly pulled my hair out of the braid as I listened, leaving the hair-tie on my wrist and running my fingers through my hair while I listened to Fred and George bicker about nicknames. I was surprised by the sense of familial love I felt for them, when I had really only been one of the Weasley's for a short time, during which neither of them had lived at the Burrow.

I was still thinking about that when the broadcast ended, and the others started to talk. I wasn't paying attention to them at first, but then there was an outburst from Ron, as Harry said Voldemort's name, and then the sneakoscope began to whirl. I realized as I heard people aparating outside of the tent, that there was really a taboo on the name. We really couldn't say his name without drawing the snatchers to us.

Things happened in quick succession after that. Hermione hit Harry with a stinging hex, and he fell to the ground, his face swelling. I quickly rolled the hair-tie up from my wrist to my upper arm. I slid my wand inside it so it was held against my arm. I had to keep the elder wand protected, but I wouldn't be completely defenseless I still had my wand ring. I quickly waved my hand over my face and felt a tingling as I changed my hair to brown and my eyes to green.

The snatchers flooded the tent, and immediately they started to search our persons and the tent. As one of the dirty men patted down my body I held my breath. I got very lucky and he only patted my forearms feeling for my wand. He didn't comment on the fact that I seemed to be without wand, and just held me against him so I couldn't get free. I was just relieved to have gotten a snatcher who wasn't very handsy, it seemed that Fenrir Greyback was trying to be a bit handsy with Hermione, and it made my stomach turn.

They pulled us out of the tent and tied us tightly to the other prisoners outside. I didn't get a good look at them before I was tied to them facing outward, but I noticed that Dean from school was one of them before I was tied up. Harry asked if any of us still had our wands.

"I have my wand ring," I whispered as quietly as I could. "I can't do much now thought. I'm tied too tightly."

Further conversation was cut off by the return of the snatches. Harry convinced them that he was both from Slytherin, and a child of someone from the ministry. I was almost hopefully that we would make it out of this when one of them realized that Hermione looked like her picture in the paper. We were pretty much screwed after that. When they realized exactly who they had caught they became excited. They decided to take us to the Malfoy manor, and I began to panic. I couldn't go back there, but could I risk revealing my secret to get out of it? They decided to bring the sword with us as well, and I knew we were going to be in even worse trouble now. Even if we got out of this, we were losing our one weapon for destroying horcruxes.

They apparated us to the gates of the Malfoy manor and I could not stop my heart from racing. It felt like I was about to hyperventilate, but I tried as hard as I could to keep my cool. Little snippets of the last time I had been here flitted through my mind as the drug us closer to the gates.

They pulled us into the house. I could feel my breathing coming in strange gasps, but I couldn't stop it. Hermione's fingers wrapped around my wrist, and I knew she was trying to calm me, but it only made my heart race faster. It reminded me of the shackle around my wrist, and I struggled to squash the whimper that was rising up in my throat. I knew I needed to try and keep my head and attempt to use my wand ring, but I couldn't control the visceral reaction.

They threw our group forward, pulling Harry away to be scrutinized. They called up Draco to give a positive ID and my heart sunk. He had chosen the dark side so many times, surely he would choose it again. I could barely feel the relief at the fact that Draco was wavering on if it was Harry or not, thought the panic that was clouding my senses. I knew I needed to calm down, and stay focused on what was happening now if we were going to have any chance of getting out of here, but I couldn't stop the panic.

The group of them was fighting over who should call Tom to the house, but I barely took it in. I was slumped against the others I was bound to, growing dizzy from the quickened breaths that I could not control. Hermione shifted her shoulder against mine again and again, and I realized she was trying to soothe me. I wished it was working, but I could not calm myself. I felt ghosts of the blows and unwanted touches from the last time I was here crawling over my body. I wanted to scream or vomit. I wanted to run, but I couldn't move.

Bellatrix told the werewolf to take us the basement, and I fell into a complete full blown panic. Tears started falling down my face, and my breathing got completely out of control. I barely kept myself from screaming as they started dragging us towards the stairs. Part of me registered that they were keeping Hermione behind, but I had no capacity to fear for her. I drug my feet trying to slow the process of getting us to the basement, but my feet slid easily across the polished wooden floor.

"No," I screamed as my feet fell onto a stair, I grappled against the snatcher dragging me forward. "Please, no. Don't put me in there again."

He just laughed at me, and continued to drag me forward. I tried to grab onto the railing to try and keep him from dragging me down there, but he was stronger than me. He pulled me free, and my face slammed into the stone stairs below me. It knocked me silly for a moment, and as I hung there limp for a moment he threw me into the dark stone room, and slammed the door shut.

I fell against whoever was tied next to me in Hermione's place. I couldn't focus on what was going on around me. Everything seemed muffled and confusing, like trying to listen to a badly tuned radio. When I could get my mind to focus through the strange fog that had entered it after I hit my head, all I heard and saw was what had happened the last time I was in this dungeon. It was like I could see myself chained up against the wall, even through the darkness.

I felt myself collapse on the floor, and I knew somewhere in my mind that I must have been cut loose from the others, but I couldn't seem to move. I just lay against the stone floor crying. I couldn't seem to move. I was paralyzed by my fear and panic. I tried to ignore the icy hands I felt on my skin, I tried to remind myself that those hands couldn't really be there, but it wouldn't stop. I was still lying there crying, when I felt the pressure of apparition pressing in on me. What was happening?

Suddenly instead of the dank basement I smelled the sea. My face was pressed against sand. Had I flame traveled? I pulled my shaking body up, and saw through blurry eyes that Dobby was standing there as well as Dean, Luna, and a very weak looking Olivander. What was going on? Before I could say anything, Dobby disapparated away, and it was just the four of us on the beach.

"What?" I gasped, still winded and hoarse from the panic attack that I was slowly getting out of.

"We're free," Luna cheered, before stooping to help Olivander up out of the sand. "The others are coming too; let's get up to the cottage and out of the wind."

"Come on," Dean said kindly as he hoisted me up to my feet where I swayed for a moment before he pulled me against him and walked us both away from the water.

I still couldn't focus on what was going on around me, but as the panic slowly drained out of me I realized that my head actually hurt quite a bit. I reached up to touch my head, and felt wetness. When I pulled my hand away I saw my own blood. I must have hit my head pretty hard.

I let Dean take me into the house, and found that I was quickly being shuffled off to a side room. Dean helped me to lie down on a bed in the room he had taken me into. I tried to focus in on his mouth when I realized that he was talking to me again, but I felt like I was trying to listen to him through water. He pulled the soft blue comforter over me and tucked it tight around me before he disappeared.

He came back just a few seconds later with Fleur. Where had she come from? She hovered over me, shushing me, and I realized that I was still crying. I tried to get my tears under control as she cleaned the wound on my head. It was painful, but I felt disconnected from it at the same time. There was a vague tingling when she removed my glamour. She finished up what she was doing and turned to say something to Dean. He nodded and then she left the room. Dean took up the seat beside the bed and patted my hand for a second before he settled in. I closed my eyes, ready to just sleep and get away from this awful day.

"Nope," Dean said near my ear, shaking me until I opened my eyes. "You can't sleep right now."

"I'm tired," I whined at him, trying to roll away so my back was to him, but he stopped me.

"You probably have a concussion," he said quietly, but still close to my ear. "It's my job to make sure you don't fall asleep for the next few hours."

I groaned at him.

"What happened in there," he asked. I couldn't tell if he was just trying to keep me talking or if he honestly wanted to know. "I've never seen you lose it like that."

"That place," I breathed, not sure how to word it. "It's so…"

"Yeah," he agreed. "That house was creepy. Why do they have a dungeon anyway?"

"It's for prisoners," I said blandly. "They torture people there. Chain them up, beat them, and do these horrible things to people. It's a bad place."

"You've been there before?" he asked his face surprised.

I just nodded, fighting off the tears that wanted to fall again.

"I'm so tired," I cried at him. "Please just let me sleep."

"I can't he," he said sadly.

I considered cursing him when I remembered my wand was still bound to my arm. Instead I just took my wand from inside my sleeve and put it on the nightstand beside the bed. I pulled myself up, trying to ignore the pain that rolled through my head. I took the hair-tie from my arm, and pulled my hair back into a loose bun. I leaned back against the headboard, trying to remain sitting up so I wouldn't be tempted to fall asleep.

I listened to Dean talk for a while, but I stopped really hearing what he was saying to me. I had a feeling he wasn't telling me anything important, because he didn't force me to focus on him when my attention wandered. As the sun started to go down, Dean stepped out of the room for a few minutes. I snuggled back down into blankets, relaxing into the pillows. If I was supposed to stay awake he would come back right? I let my eyes drift closed, and it didn't take long for the world to fade away.


	79. Chapter 79

_**Song for this chapter: I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston**_

* * *

Other than some moments of confusion I was doing pretty well over the course of the days that followed our arrival at Bill and Fleur's house. I borrow sunglasses from Fleur so I could attend Dobby's funeral the next day. My head was still pounding so the sun made it worse, but I didn't want to complain at a time like that. I sat through the funeral, and I said my thanks and goodbyes to the loyal little house elf at his grave before I went back into the house.

I joined Fleur in the kitchen, and she tended to the black eye I had, and helped with the pain. She didn't know any spells to fight the other effects of the concussion, so I had to just deal with the lost moments and the times of extreme confusion.

Through the confusion, I saw that something pivotal was taking place with the other three. Harry was questioning Olivander and the goblin. He was clearly trying to make some sort of choice, but I was in no position to really influence him. I had no idea what to do, because I wasn't really sure what he was doing. I was standing by him when he talked to Bill about questioning them. Bill asked him who he wanted to speak with first, and I thought perhaps I understood what the choice he had to make was. The goblin could give him information about the horcruxes but Olivander could give him information about the elder wand.

"Harry," I said, drawing his attention before he answered Bill. "Olivander is very tired."

It was cryptic, and Bill probably wouldn't realize what I really meant, but I saw recognition flicker in Harry's eyes. He knew what I was telling him was more important. When he told Bill he wanted to speak with Griphook first, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I also realized that the moment of my departure had come. I opted not to join the others as they questioned Griphook. Instead I went to where Hermione had left her bag. I pulled out my trunk, and returned it to its proper size after I set it on the floor. I opened up the latch that lead to my little room, and I climbed down inside. I opened my desk and pulled out the journals that detailed everything about who and what I was. I grabbed a blank journal and put it on the bottom of the pile. I took out a roll of parchment, and I wrote a letter to Hermione.

I told her that I was pretty sure I was not going to live much longer. I told her that I was entrusting my story to her, because she was the only one that would understand why it needed to be shared with people. Harry would want to hide them when he realized the exposed the things I had done wrong as well. Ron would be upset when he realized how much I had deceived all three of them. Hermione would be the only one to understand the bigger picture.

I apologized to her for not being able to tell her the whole truth in person. I was truly sorry that I couldn't trust them all as much as they trusted me. I asked that she fill the last journal with how the story ended, and make sure that the story was shared with the world. On the off chance that someone else ended up in the position I had been in, I wouldn't want their search for information to be as hard as mine had been.

I sealed the letter, and put it on top of the journals. I bound them all together, and put a note on the outside that simply said: Hermione, read me after it has all ended. And I hoped she would wait until then, but I could not be sure. I climbed back out of the trunk, closed the lid, shrunk it down to its tiny size once more, and slid it into the pocket of the jacket it was wearing.

I took the stack of journals and slid them into the little beaded bag. I shifted them around until I felt that they were hidden behind Phineas's portrait, so that hopefully it would be a little while before she found them. I closed her bag once more, and went to join the others as the exited Griphooks room. I went into Olivander's room with them, and sat on the foot of his bed while Harry talked to him. I could see the strength draining from him, and I was sure that he was flitting between being present and being inside Tom's mind.

I looked into his mind as he and Ron continued to discuss the elder wand. Watching his mind was like watching a television while someone was changing the channel on you. One minute I was seeing his mental reflection of Ron, and then I was seeing Tom as he approached Hogwarts. In the end Harry's resistance failed, and I was just seeing what Tom was doing.

My stomach rolled as he broke into the grave. My heart hurting as he broke open the shroud that hid him. He reached down, and pulled the wand from his brittle fingers with a look of triumph on his face. I felt sad and relieved at the same time. Sad that he would defile the grave of Albus Dumbledore, but relieved that he believed he was truly in possession of the elder wand.

The others left after Harry came out of his vision, but I stayed behind. Olivander looked incredibly guilty as he sat there watching after where the others had left, and I couldn't in good conscious leave him feeling that way.

"Don't feel guilty," I said quietly. "Albus would not have held it against you that you inevitably gave up information about the elder wand."

"Can you be sure of that?" he asked sadly. "I feel as if I have disgraced the man."

"He knew that Tom would eventually find out through some source that he was the one in possession of the elder wand." I told him. "Shortly before he passed he made arrangements to protect the elder wand because of this knowledge."

"What do you mean?" he asked pointedly.

"On the off chance that you were to get captured once more I cannot tell you that," I smiled sadly. "But I can assure you that precautions were taken to keep the wand out of the possession of Tom Riddle."

* * *

There were a few days of limbo, where the decision not to pursue the hallows settled among the group. They fought some, but in the end, it seemed all of them had given up the pursuit of collecting all three, which allowed me to breathe easier. I felt assured that my decision to split off was the right one, but I wasn't sure how to tell them.

I made a point not to join them in their plotting with Griphook to break into the bank. This was both because I didn't want to know the plan, and to give them an idea of what might be coming. I was still trying to find the right way to tell them that I was not going on with them, so the best I could do right now was to slowly distance myself from them so they wouldn't be completely shocked when I told them.

When the day came that Olivander was to leave to Muriel's home I decided that it was time. While Fleur helped him down to the living room from where he was resting, I hurried off to the room Hermione and I were sleeping in, to shrink my trunk down once more, and slide it into my pocket. I hurried back to the living room so I could speak with the others before Fleur got Olivander ready to go.

"Bill, I'd like to come along to Muriel's," I told him quietly.

"For a visit?" he asked with a quirked brow, but I could tell he knew what I was asking.

"No," I whispered. "I need to tell the group first, but there is something I have to do, and it has to be done alone."

"Very well," Bill said with a sigh. "Mom is going to be upset."

"I'll talk to her before I leave," I smiled. "She probably won't understand, but I have a job to do, and I don't think there is much time left to do it in."

"I'll go let Fleur know what is going on," he said, and I knew he was really giving me time to talk to the others.

I went into the living room where Hermione, Ron, and Harry were talking while looking out at Dean and Luna in the yard. I cleared my throat to get their attention, and all three heads whipped around to look at me.

"I'm going to leave with Olivander," I told them shifting uneasily under their gaze.

"I don't understand," Hermione said.

"There is a job that Albus left for me, and I need to get started on it," I explained in a half-truth.

"How will you find us when you are done," Ron asked in confusion.

"I won't," I sighed. "We will meet again, but it will be at the beginning of the end. All I can ask is that you remember who I am, and who we have been together. No matter how things may look at the end, have faith none of us have changed."

Hermione looked at me like she would a hard to decipher rune, but she did not get a chance to question me. Luna and Dean came in from outside just as Fleur and Bill lead Olivander into the living room. Everyone said their goodbyes to Olivander, and I gave Fleur a hug and told her thank you for all her hospitality.

I hugged the others, and told them all I loved them. I hoped Harry didn't read too much into how tightly I hugged him or how I teared up a bit when I told him I loved him. I held tightly to Bill's hand, and let him whisk me away to Muriel's without any further ado.

I stayed at Muriel's long enough to get Olivander settled, and then to keep up the pretense that I could not travel at will, I allowed Bill to take me to the Burrow. He didn't stay to talk because Fleur was waiting on dinner for him. So he departed, and I walked up to the house. I knew when I had breached the security measure because Molly immediately appeared in window of the kitchen door. It seemed to take her a moment to realize how I was, but then she hurried out of the house, and met me on the garden path.

I let her crush me in a hug, and then I followed her into the kitchen where she was just getting ready to put dinner on the plate for Fred, George, and Arthur. She directed me to a chair before grabbing a plate and putting it in front of me. Everyone seemed surprised by my arrival, but happy at the same time.

"Are the other's going to come," she asked me, as she dished up some delicious looking pasta on my plate.

"No," I told her gently. "They are still finishing their job."

"But you aren't?" Arthur asked as delicately as he could.

"No," I breathed. "It's getting closer to the end of it, which means it's time for me to the job that was left for me."

"He left more than just the one job?" Fred asked.

"Kind of demanding," George said in a poor attempt at a joke.

"I can't believe he left so many instructions for children, and hardly anything for the order," Molly scathed.

"I don't want to discuss how Albus choose to do things," I said as evenly as I could. "I wanted to stop by before I left to give you word about your son and his friends, so that hopefully you could have a little bit of relief."

Molly looked like she wanted to say something else, but in the end she remained quiet as she served the rest of the table their food.

"It's been a long journey for all of us, but everyone is still whole," I explained with very little detail.

"Meaning what?" Fred asked.

"No one's lost any extremities," George laughed a bit, scratching beside his missing ear.

"What were the bumps?" Arthur asked, watching his nervous wife nearly drop the pan as she set it on the stove.

"Well, Harry was bitten by a snake," I said, trying leave out as much detail as possible. "And Ron got splinched, but we fixed them both pretty quickly."

"Ron would get splinched," Fred laughed, trying to make light of a situation that had his mother looking faint.

"Hermione has fared pretty well, other than being annoyed and not getting enough sleep," I said quickly. "I caught the flu and sustained a concussion but neither gave me much trouble."

"Where are the others?" Molly asked pointedly.

"They are staying with Bill and Fleur for now, but they will be setting out on their next step very soon," I said, hoping to discourage a surprise visit by Mrs. Weasley.

"And Ron isn't coming with you?" Arthur asked seeming confused. "He isn't going to help you with your job?"

"No," I breathed on edge. "He will be helping Hermione and Harry."

"That doesn't make much sense," George mused.

"Yeah, Ron would follow you anywhere," Fred agreed. "What's going on there?"

"Ron is no longer following me anywhere," I said cryptically.

"Have you guys had a row?" Arthur asked looking confused.

"Ron and I are no longer a couple," I said before tucking into my dinner, hoping to avoid more questions.

"What?" Molly gasped. "Surely it's just a fight. It will pass."

"No it won't," I said staring into my plate. "It isn't some silly fight.'

"I don't understand," George pushed.

"You two were inseparable," Fred pointed out.

"We were," I said emphasizing the past tense. "But Ron's feelings for me changed. We've parted on the best terms we can manage, and I have given Ron my blessing to pursue the person he is truly in love with."

The others seemed to understand who that other person was, and I was grateful that they didn't make me say it out loud or ask me any questions about it. We ate in silence for a few moments before anyone spoke.

"Well I think it's for the best," Fred said after a long time, a mischievous smile playing on his face.

"It's true. I mean you're a Weasley now," George chuckled.

"Yeah, we can't have brothers and sisters getting married now can we?" Fred asked.

"Oh, come on, don't make me think about something like that," I laughed at him. "I feel incestuous now."

"Hey, I didn't say it," Fred said, and I punched him in the shoulder. "Ouch."

"Children,' Molly chided, sparing a kind smile for me, before she returned to her stern face that said the conversation needed to end. "Will you stay the night before you go?"

"Sure," I agreed easily. "It's already pretty late I the day anyway, no use setting out in the dark."

"Good," she smiled.

We all ate together happily. They told me stories about how things had been going for them. They hadn't been in as dire of situations as we had, but they had not had it easy by any means. None of them could go into work, because they were considered blood traitors and supporters of Harry Potter so they had targets on their heads.

I let Molly sit with me as I fell asleep. She patted my hair and talked to me, like she had many times before. This time I didn't need it, but she did, so I didn't complain. I let myself drift to sleep in her embrace because I understood how much she needed to parent one of the children she was so worried about. I was fairly sure that I was filling a place for Ron, but I wouldn't begrudge her that. It was really the least I could do before I left in the morning.


	80. Chapter 80

_**Song for this chapter: Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation**_

* * *

Knowing that my end was racing towards me, I made the decision that I was going to revisit my roots while I had the chance. I still had the duty to return my ashes from my last life to Heliopolis anyway. I expected to find my other ashes waiting for me there, and I had every intention of touching them all to regain the memories of all of my other lives. Knowing them would hopefully help me in the final battle.

I would leave for Egypt in the morning, and return to the temple of Re-Atum, like I had done in past lives, and would hopefully do once again in the future. I felt in my heart that this could be my last trip to Egypt though. It didn't make sense after all of times I should have been killed and had survived, but somehow I was sure that I was really die this time.

When I got up in the morning dressed in light clothing that I hoped would remain comfortable in the hot Egyptian sun. I tucked the little urn of my ashes into my pocket along with my wand, and my miniaturized trunk into the other. I went through the round of hugs once more, and then I walked out of the Burrow for what would probably be the last time. I kept on foot until I was completely out of view of the house. When I was sure that no one could see me, I focused on the determination that I felt until the flames began to race across my skin. In a rush of wings the breezy spring weather of England disappeared, and the heavy heat of the Egyptian sun weighed down on me in its place.

I had appeared outside the city of Cairo, which surprised me, until I remembered that Heliopolis was an ancient city, and had likely been covered up by Cairo. It made me nervous about the temple being gone, but I continued into the city on foot hoping I would be lucky. I saw one of those big maps that tell you where you are, and where everything else is, so I went over to it. On the map I saw a landmark called the Re-Atum obelisk, so I decided to try there. I went on foot across the town when I saw how awful the traffic was.

It took me a few hours to traverse the town, and by the time I arrived at the obelisk I was covered in sweat, and my feet were killing me. I sat down on the edge of the monument, and tried not to freak out about the distinct lack of temple. I was going to have to find a way to look under the obelisk, but it would have to wait until night, when the town cleared out a bit.

So I sat there in the sun and I waited. I would have thought an extremely white red head would have stood out amongst the tan and dark haired natives, but no one seemed to really notice me. I was left to myself, for which I was grateful. I wasn't sure I could have carried on a conversation while sitting so close to the answers I was seeking and still being unable to reach them.

I waited as patiently as I could until night fell. I could feel myself getting a sun burnt, but I didn't leave the monument. I had this weird feeling that if I left it, it would disappear. I knew it was crazy, but I couldn't seem to help myself. So I waited. As it slowly grew darker the population in the area started to dwindle. I saw a guard walking around the area, probably making sure everyone was gone so he could shut down the tourist area. I quickly pulled my wand out, and cast a disillusionment charm so it would appear that the area was empty.

The sun set fully, and the guard finished his rounds and left the park. I looked around a bit to make sure no one else was there, and then I got to work. I cast a notice me not charm over the entire park, which would hopefully keep everyone from looking over here. Then I cast a muffliato around the area, but I wasn't sure how effective it would be when I wasn't casting it at a proper target.

I cast a muggle repellent charm just to be safe, and then I set to work. My gut was telling me, that the remnants of the stone temple would be underneath the obelisk that had been erected in its honor, so I was going to look underneath. I cast a diffindo charm on the stone base around the base, and it cracked open.

I pushed the heavy stone slab off to the side, and frustratingly it revealed more stone beneath it. I cast diffindo again, and cracked the rock a bit. I had to cast the charm three more times before it broke apart. I pushed one side up and out of the outside stone casing, and cheered when I saw open space revealed below it.

It took a good to clear out all the stone, so that there was a wide enough opening for me to try and fit through. I illuminated the darkness with my wand, and I could see that about 6 feet down there was another stone surface. I could see piles of what could be either dirt or ash; it was difficult to tell from a distance. I took one last look around to check that there still wasn't anyone watching, and then I focused on the happiness I was feeling, and channeled it through me. The flames erupted across my skin, and in a rush of wings I made the jump from outside by the obelisk to inside on the top of the now hidden temple. I conjured some blue bell flames, and convinced them to hover above me so that I had some more light.

There were so all sorts of piles of ashes. Some of them had a red tint, some of them had a gold tint, some just looked grey, and one bunch looked kind of green. When I spotted the piles that were blue off in the corner I knew they were mine. I walked over to them, and sat down on my knees in front of them. I had the others that were supposed to join them in my pocket, but I wasn't sure if I should leave them here. Would I be able to get back in as a bird? Maybe I should move them somewhere that I could easily fly too?

But then would it be right to disturb years of history, when I may never return here again anyway? Maybe I should just put the ashes with the others, and just leave it at that. I sat there for a long time, trying to decide what was the best way to go, but in the end the feeling that this was all almost over made the decision for me. I couldn't disrupt years of history and tradition out of selfishness. I needed to complete the cycle and return my last set of ashes to the collection, and repair the monument ot its former condition.

I took the urn from my pocket, pulled the lid off, and deposited the small pile of ashes next to the rest of them. I was surprised to see that it seemed smaller than the other piles. If I was born from the other piles, shouldn't they be the smaller ones? Maybe Lily hadn't been able to collect all of them into the urn? I put it out of my mind, and looked over the other piles, there were six of them. Each pile seemed to be a little more dust colored than the rest of them. The one that sat in the corner was almost completely obscured by dust. I decided to reach out and touch it first.

I was immediately pulled into memories that were chalk full of Asian people. As more faces and locations flashed through my mind, I realized that I was living in a Chinese palace, and it seemed to be run by the Qin dynasty, if I understood the symbols I saw. Of course it had been years since I had studied Asian history, and I hadn't been too keen on memorizing the different dynastic families. I felt the loyalty I had to the family, and that made me understand why I stayed with the family after each emperor passed. I didn't feel the love I felt for Lily, but I felt a type of love for the family.

Memories of different family members filled my mind, but my favorite was the old grandmother who tended to me when I was just a baby bird. She talked to me like I was a human child. She told me about how the family considered themselves to be extremely fortunate after finding the brilliant red egg in the courtyard. She was telling me how their family was blessed, but I was taking from it that I was born here at the palace.

Most of the memories were peaceful and content, but as the years went on, things got a little heated. Another family began to wage war against the Qin army, and my family was under siege. When the war came near the palace I decided to stand beside my family. I watched in the first person perspective as I flew at the enemy. It wasn't entirely effective, so I did something that I was not aware a phoenix was able to do. It was kind of like the flame travel I could do now, but it left a trail behind me. I flew back and forth creating a wall of fire that blocked the attacking family from advancing. It held them off for a long time, but eventually one of their warriors hit their mark and an arrow pierced my chest. I felt through the wall of fire, and immediately entered a molting. The memory remained intact long enough for me to feel the pain of the blaze, and then it all faded out.

Without stopping to think much about what I had just seen I set my hand on top of the next pile of blue ashes. I was once again a young bird sitting in a pile of ashes. The pile was lying on the battlefield, but I could see from where I was nestled that the family I had lived with had either been slain or taken prisoner, they were no longer in charge of the palace. As I sat in my former ashes I could remember everything of the past life, so it helped the new me understand why I felt no allegiance to this new family. I stayed on the grounds, waiting until my body had grown strong enough for flight once more, and then I gathered my ashes into a large frond and flew away from the palace. Somehow I knew where to go, and I flew the ashes away from the foggy city in china to the city of the sun in Egypt. I sighed in relief when I saw the temple in its former glory standing proud reaching up towards the sun.

I deposited my very first pile of ashes alongside the other piles that were already there and I joined the world of the strange family of undying birds I was a part of. I stayed for a while soaking in the warm sun, but I eventually took flight soaring through the skies for an immeasurable time. Taking in all sorts of different landscapes, before I settled in a small village on a rocky hillside not to far from the coast. There was a small group of people who lived on the hill. They seemed interesting, so I settle down amongst the olive tree grove and watched them for a while.

Mostly they left me to my own devices, but sometimes I would sing to the children that played in the groves, and they would come and sit with me. They seemed to like my songs. I never really settled with a family, but I stayed with the village. They were loyal to one another, which inspired loyalty in me. When they challenged their neighbors to different contests, I was given the honorary job of igniting the flame which one man would run through the hillside to the games. As a bird I did not understand it, but with the knowledge I had from the life I was currently living I knew that these were the first Olympic games, and I was playing an important role in them.

The neighboring towns fought occasionally, but it was never anything very intense. Until one day, an outside force began to fight with the villages. I felt myself drawn to their conflict, and followed the small troupe of soldiers to a coast. They set up their force in between two cliff faces, and I perched above them waiting to see what would happen. The mass of other soldier came in waves, and I did something else that wasn't expected. I focused the fire that I was able to control I shot bursts of it in front of the soldier I supported. It delayed the onslaught temporarily, but it didn't have enough of an effect. If I had felt more loyal to the men who fought, I might have tried harder to help them, but when I realized I could not help I took flight. I stayed in the wild for a while. I couldn't measure the time well. I eventually settled in an area that I heard several of the inhabitants refer to as Roma. Shortly after settling there I felt a molting coming on, so I built a nest for myself out of fragrant branches and leaves. I settled amongst it, and allowed the flames to consume me.

I was pulled back to the present and I wondered how long that lifetime had been. I seemed to have spanned through the ancient Greek time period, but I seemed to be in Rome at the end. There seemed to be more memories in the lifetime than there were in the first one anyway. My muggle history wasn't great, but I thought that life might have lasted over six hundred years. I reached eagerly for the next pile, and I was immediately thrown into a new set of memories.

I awoke in the same nest that I had passed in. As I sat in the ashes could remember my past life, and I was compelled to carry my nest of ashes away once more. I took flight immediately, and flew until I reached the temple in the sun once more. I landed, and set my ashes alongside another pile of blue ashes. I knew they must be mine as I gazed upon my own blue feathers, but I did not remember the life they came from. Unlike the life I was living now, I did not reach out to regain those memories. They were not important to me. Instead I rose up from the temple into the sky and I flew away with no intention of returning until this life had ended.

I flew back to where I had come from, but I was surprised by the hostility of the people there. They were obsessed with their church, and followed it instructions to the letter. The church deemed that a creature that could not die was born of the devil and sought to destroy them and so I was hunted. I did not want to hurt one of them, in my quest to protect myself, so I disappeared into the wild. My memories were just years of living amongst the trees, and fleeing when humans came near me. It was not a life that was full of happiness; it was laden with stress and confusion. I felt relief when I was flying over the fast growing city and I realized that I was going to molt once more. I dropped from the sky into the arena that the people had built. I nestled under an eave where I was hidden from view, and climbed atop a piece of slate that had fallen there. The flames consumed me while I hid, and eventually the memories ended.

I sat in a stunned silence for a moment when I was released from the memories. I had forgotten how humanity could hunt what it didn't understand out of fear. And I had forgotten how vicious the Catholic Church had been at its birth. That life seemed to have been the shortest one I had lived, and I found myself glad of it, it was not a nice life. I reached a bit more tentatively for the next pile.

When I fell into the memories I was right back where I had been. I stay with my ashes for a long time hiding. I had to first wait for my strength to return to me, and wait for the brutal games the humans were now partaking in to end before I could take flight. I watched a man be torn apart by a tiger before the festivities ended, and then I took flight grasping the heavy slate that held my ashes as if it were a feather, and I flew away. I returned to the temple again, and dropped my ashes without actually landing. They fell onto the temple next to the other piles, and I fled from them. I flew into the wilderness for a while, not ready to see any humans just yet.

It was while hiding in the forest that I was encountered by a kind man who approached me slowly. He spoke a language I did not understand, but his voice was soothing so I did not take flight. He patted my head gently before he plucked two feathers from my tail. This agitated me so I flew away from his reach, but I stayed near him. I wanted to know what he planned to do with the feathers, so I followed him. I followed him through the forest, and back into civilization. He had a little shop in a village where he went. I couldn't see what he did once he was inside, but I watched as people went in empty handed and came out with sticks. It was strange for the bird to see, but I realized this man was a wand maker. I encountered magic for the first time as a bird and it was intriguing.

I observed him for a while, but I eventually left to return to the strangely barbaric city I had left. I flew into a palace that was near the arena I had been reborn in, and began roosting with the family that lived there. Everything took on a cast of familiarity and I quickly realized I was living amongst royally once more.

I stayed with the family for years, and it was a content life, but it was a plain one. I did not spend enough time in the sky, and it turned me slowly sour. So sour that when renegades stormed the castle over taking the royal family and plundering their riches, I did nothing. When those same barbarians took me amongst their treasures I didn't care.

They took me out into the country side with them, and they loved it when I flew. I grew to love them in a way because of the freedom they inspired in me. It was strange to think that a bird could forget what it was to be free, but I had. I became fiercely loyal to the strange rugged kings that I lived with for reminding me to be free.

Those same barbaric kings were over taken by other barbarians, and the king I was currently residing with was slain. I flew away instead of staying with the conquerors like I did before. I flew through changing scenery for a long time. I didn't stop flying until I was surrounded by snow and a strangely barren landscape that was like nothing I had seen before. When I grew tired I nested in a tangle of brambles, but my rest was cut short when a strange white and black stripped cat looking for a meal. The cat struck, and struck again before I had much chance to react. I burst into flame, wounding the cat and sending it running, but it was already too late. I continued to burn until I was reduced to the pile of ash that would rebirth me.

I barely spared a second between returning to the present and reaching for the next pile of ashes. I was quickly back in Siberia, and trying to find some sort of plant life that could hold my ashes so I could fly them to Egypt. I had to spend a long time forcing the brittle branches of the brambles to create a nest that could hold them, but in the end I was able to transport them.

After a short pit stop at the temple to deposit my ashes I flew off into a more familiar countryside. It wasn't quite the same as the countryside I had inhabited before, but I could see the sea sometimes, and hide among the trees at others. I stayed in the wild for an immeasurable amount of years, but I eventually grew tired of the solitude, and I settled on the lands of a manor.

I was close enough to see humans, and bee seen by them if I so wished, but still completely free. It was a good compromise. I stayed aloof from the family that inhabited the manor for many years, but one night as I preened in a tree near the house that changed. It was a hot summer night, so the family had left their doors open to tempt in a breeze. The house was far from any town, so they didn't have to worry about intruders, but they hadn't thought much about the wildlife. A tan cat came from the darkness in the middle of the night and slunk into the house. I swooped out of the tree and followed the cat into the house. Perhaps there was a lingering hatred for cat in me, or perhaps I had grown attached to the family I had been living beside.

I swooped in on the cat as it was nosing its way into the bedroom of the parents. The cat growled as it propped its front feet on the bed. The man stirred, but the woman was still sleeping. I attacked the cat before it could attack the two humans in bed. With the combination of flame and claw I slayed the cat, and managed to not burn down their house. And just like that I was a kept bird again. Judging by the generations that grew up in the house beside me I stayed with the family for more than a century. When I felt the time for molting coming on once more I decided to leave the family. I flew away one night, and made my way back to the temple deciding to cut out the middle step of taking my ashes back. I came to rest right beside the other piles of my ashes and allowed the flames to consume me again.

I fell back into the present and realized I had just one last pile of ashes to absorb if that was the word for it. I reached out toward the pile with a surprisingly unsteady hand, and fell back into the world of memory. I was once again atop the temple of the sun, and it was a beautifully sunny day.

I flew away from the temple and looked at the world around me with an adventurous eye. A family splashing in the water of the Nile caught my eye so I decided to fly down to them. I felt no real connection to them, but they intrigued me enough for me to stay. I liked them, but the feelings I had for them did not compare to the feelings I could remember having for others. After years with them, my feelings for them were tested the night that the Nile flooded and began to submerge their home while the slept. I pulled their small child from his basinet to safety on higher ground, but I did not return for the parents. I flew off along one of the trade routes, until I noticed a red haired man who seemed interesting.

He was a very interesting man, who seemed to be just as interested in me. He dotted on me, and I honestly loved the attention. He had one of the sticks I had seen the other man make in a former life, and while being his companion I came to understand that he was a wizard. He traveled the world, using his magic to aid his explorations, and I was happy to be his companion. He liked to talk to me, so I learned a lot of things. He occasionally asked me to cry, which was strange, but I was able to secret some liquid after he demonstrated what he meant for me. He collected them in a bottle, and sold them for a hefty sum. I found this very intriguing.

I followed him to Ireland and to the surrounding isles. After a long time the man decided to take a voyage across the ocean, so I joined him on that as well. We spent a long time exploring the wilderness together, but one day we found ourselves on the wrong side of an angry couple of bears. He caught the brunt of it, but I just made it out without being sent into a molting. I took flight with the intention of returning to Egypt once more, but I did not make it that far. I entered molting mid-flight, and crash landed in a ball of flames on the coast of England, and just like that the memories ended.

I sat there for a while staring at the piles of ashes. I knew the rest of the story, having already experienced the memories stored in the urn from Godric's Hollow. I didn't feel much more prepared for the final battle with thousands of years of history floating around in my mind, but I had some ideas. I had a little bit of time before the end started, so I could use it to try and master the flame wall or fire ball attacks I had used in previous lives. If I could master flame travel in human form I could master the others couldn't I?

* * *

I climbed out of the broken monument, and quickly worked to repair the damage I had done. I patched it up until it looked as if I was never there, then I removed the spells I had placed on the monument on removed the disillusionment charm I had place on myself. When I saw my skin again for the first time since the middle of the day, I was surprised by how red it had gotten. Clearly the spell hadn't kept the sun from hitting my skin.

I knew that I needed to practice, but I couldn't risk missing the final battle while I was doing so. I needed someone to inform me when the time was getting close, but I had to pick the right person. It would have to be an ember of the order, because no one else knew how to communicate with their patronus. But who in the order would be the one to see the signs of the end game starting up. Snape probably would, but I would blow his cover if I sent a message to him. So who would be close enough to Snape to see it coming but far enough away to be able to communicate with me without raising an alarm? It would have to be McGonagall wouldn't it?

With my decision made, and I conjured my owl, and whispered into its ear_. I think the time of the final battle is coming. I am currently separated from the others. If you see the signs of the battle coming, or if you see the others send me word straight away please._

And then I sent the owl on its way, and in a flash of light it was gone, and it would appear with McGonagall in the next minute or two. I left from the monument to enter the town where sun was starting to rise once again, and looked for a business that was open. In the end the only place open this early was a bus stop that had someone who looked to be homeless sleeping on a bench just inside the door. I thought I was going to be out of luck, but there was a station selling things that tourists might need. And lucky enough there was sunscreen and aloe. I bought a bottle of each as well as a nice big sun hat. I had to cast a confundus charm to get the muggle behind the counter to think the wizard money I was handing him was regular money, but it turned out all right in the end.

I departed from the little muggle stand with my things, and stared my journey out of the town. I put the hat on, and spread the aloe on my skin as I walked. I waited for it to dry, and then I applied a layer of sunscreen over it. It was time to make my way out of civilization for a while, and it wouldn't do to burn my skin to a crisp while I was out there. I walked through the slowly waking city, past business that were just opening their doors and homes where families were just starting to get in their cars and leave for the day. I kept walking until the city slowly turned into sandy dunes, and I kept walking until those dunes grew to heights that hid the city from view.

When I could no longer hear or see any sign of the city I decided I had gone far enough. I took my trunk from my pocket, reinstated its actual size, put the things I had purchased in it, as well as my shoes. I hadn't tried this type of flame traveling before, so I couldn't be sure it wouldn't ignite things and I wanted to burn as few of my possession as possible. I set my wand with my trunk, and walked a short way away from everything.

I decided to try throwing flame first, as it seemed likely to be the easier of the two. I remembered that every time I had used flame defensively I had been feeling fiercely protective, and sometimes panicked. I focused on the defensive nature I felt when I thought of Tom trying to hurt those that I loved. I channeled it like I would to flame travel, but I tried to localize where the flame appeared. At first flames were licking over my entire body, but with extreme concentration I was able to condense it to just my arms. It prevented travel, but I didn't seem to have any control over it. I shook my arms, and let go of the emotion to banish the flames, and eventually my body returned to normal.

I stifled a sigh of frustration, and focused on the need to defend once more. With a little more focus, I was able to keep the flames from appearing over my entire body, but they still covered my entire arms. I pushed with all the mind power I had, and the flames slowly crept down my arms until they were covering my hands and wrists. I thought about wanting to force an attacker away, and after a while the flame wound around itself leaving most of my hand fire free, with a ball of flame sitting in the palm of my hand. I tried to throw it at the sand in front of me, but it stayed stubbornly in my hand.

I kept working at it for hours, as the day marched slowly forward. I made slow progress, but my hunger and thirst slowly took over dominance in my mind, and I was no longer able to focus on the task at hand. I used an old shirt to wipe all of the sweat off of me, and then I applied another layer of aloe and sunscreen. I returned everything to my trunk, and shrunk it down to fit in my pocket once more. When my trunk was put away, and my hat was firmly on my head once more. I started walking back towards the city.

It took about an hour to get back, and I was extremely thirsty by the time I was walking on pavement once more. I found the nearest café, and hurried inside out of the sun. I sat at a table, and a nice young man took my order. I ordered water, and an orange juice, along with their largest sandwich. He told me the wait would be about 15 minutes, so I took the opportunity to step into the ladies room.

I had to laugh when I saw myself in the mirror. My sunburn had created some strange lines on my skin, but it was already trying to turn into a less prominent tan. I ran the sink, and finger combed water through my hair until I could tame it into something manageable since I wouldn't be wearing my hat inside. I wet down a paper towel and used it to get some of the stubborn sand that clung to my shoes off. When I looked halfway presentable, I used the facilities, washed my hands, and returned to my table. The drinks were already waiting for me, and the young man was just heading over with my meal.

I thanked him and tore into what sat before me. I down both of the drinks at light speed, and took a bit more time with the meal. When I felt full and was no longer dying of thirst I decided it was time to go. I had to confund the boy at the counter just like the clerk at the bus station, but I did not feel guilty. They could still trade in the wizard gold for a high value so it wasn't like I was stealing.

I went back out into the sun, and left the city once more. I spent he rest of the day working, with slow progress. It wasn't until the sun was starting to set that I successfully threw the flame from my body. I practiced for an hour longer, perfecting my ability to cast the flame from me, and then I decided it was time to call it. I had been up for more than 24 hours and I could feel it. I channeled the flame over my entire body, and focused on traveling to a desert cave near the area. With a rush of wings I disappeared from the dunes, and appeared at a stone cliff facing open desert. There were cave like openings carved into the stone, so I decided this would be good enough. I approached one that sat on the ground level, drawing my wand to illuminate it. When I saw that it was empty, I entered it, and cast a spell to make the opening look like a solid wall.

Then I took my trunk out, returning it to its normal size once more. I opened the lock that led to the secret room, and I climbed down inside. There wasn't a bed inside, but its carpeted bottom was softer than the stone floor of the man-made cave, so I would sleep there. I had barely laid down on the floor and sleep claimed me. I was exhausted, and I slept like a rock free of dreams.

I didn't know how long I slept, but when I woke the next day the sun was high in the sky. I collected my things, put on more sunscreen as well as my hat, and then I left the cave. I flame traveled back to the dunes I had been practicing this new magic in. and I got to work.

I toiled away trying to master the wall of flame I had seen myself create, but I did not have much success. Many times I simply flame traveled a few feet away from where I had been standing. One time I managed to leave a trail of fire behind me, but it flickered into nonexistence almost immediately. The sun crept from one side of the sky to the other, and my stomach protested its emptiness. So when dusk was approaching I entered the city once more. I choose a different café on the off chance that the young man from yesterday had figured out what had happened. It would have been easier if I could just turn in some of my wizarding money into muggle money, but I couldn't risk being spotted by another wizard when I had a bounty on my head.

I had a quick meal, and took in as much liquid as I could and then I headed back out into the dunes. I worked through the sun setting, and well into the moon lit hours. When I was able to create one line of fire that lasted for a full minute I decided I could call it a night, and flame travelled back to the cave I had hidden away in the previous evening. I took up residence in my trunk once more, and feel quickly to sleep.

I awoke to the sound of someone moving about near my hiding place. I quickly climbed out of my trunk and hid it away, crouching in the darkness of the back of the cave with my wand. I could see through the false rock wall I had created that it was sunny out, and there were some people moving about outside. They didn't appear to be wizards to I relaxed my stance a bit. I removed the disillusionment from my trunk so I could see where it was, shrunk it too its tiny size, and stowed it in my pocket while I kept an eye on the people so nearby. I cast a spell that would cause the fake wall to slowly disappear so hopefully the people wouldn't notice it just popping out of existence, and then I flame traveled away.

When I was in the dunes once more, I set to work as quickly as I could. I kept all of my things on my person now that I had experienced that I didn't burn to ash while doing this. The day had an ominous feel to it, so I wanted to be able to flee in a second if it was needed.

I kept practicing the new type of flame creation. As the day wore on I was able to create a weak looking net by weaving the flame trails across each other. With extreme concentration I could hold them in place, and if I reached out toward them I could feel the heat of the fire, so I felt sure that if someone tried to touch them they would be burned. They were easily extinguished with a water charm though, so I had room to grow. I was wondering if having an actual threat in front of me would strengthen the emotion, and thus the flame when I saw a silvery light flying towards me, and my heart started to beat a little fast.

It was hard to see in the bright desert sunshine, but when the light was right in front of me, I could see that it had the form of a cat, and I held my breath. It quickly began to speak with the voice of McGonagall.

_Bianca, Harry Potter has arrived at Hogwarts. I cannot guarantee this means battle is about to ensue, but I fear if Severus Snape discovers that he is here it will start the fight. I think it would be in your best interest to stay away, but you are of age and I cannot control what you do._

And just like that the cat disappeared. That had been quick. I'd expected to have more time before Harry went after the final horcruxes, but it seemed I had run out of time. With the dread and panic filling my mind, I focused the flames that resided somewhere inside of me, and let them crawl over my skin. In the rush of wings I focused my mind on the fringe of trees just inside the forbidden forest and allowed the desert around me to disappear.


	81. Chapter 81

_Authors Note: Dialogue that comes later in the chapter, on the grounds of Hogwarts is taken from the final book. I have no claim over it._

* * *

_**Song for this chapter: Light and Shadow by Vangelis**_

* * *

I shivered when I arrived in the trees in part because of the drastic temperature difference, but also because it felt very dark here at Hogwarts. Tom's presence could be clearly felt in the air, it made goose bumps erupt on my skin. The end was near indeed. It was growing late in England, and I was fairly sure it wasn't my location in the forest that hid the sun. It was getting late. I cast a disillusionment over myself, and moved slowly out onto the grounds. So far nothing looked to strange, everyone was inside the castle. But you could feel the anticipation of something coming in the air. Or perhaps only I could feel it, as my end drew swiftly closer.

I tried to harden myself as I realized what I must do very soon. I tried to think analytically about the few things I needed to get done before things got started, so I wouldn't burst into tears over the fact that moment I would have to murder my brother had grown sickeningly close. With my body hidden I was able to approach the whomping willow without it taking a swing at me. I slid down into the hidden opening and pulled my trunk from my pocket. I had decided to leave it hidden away here on the off chance that I actually survived the night. I left it in its tiny form, but made it visible so it would be easier to find. I stashed it against the dirt-hewn wall, and climbed back out of the whole.

As I drew nearer the school I was able to see the first signs that a fight was brewing. Flashes were emitting from windows, up towards the sky. I looked up and saw a great shield being erected over the castle and its grounds. I knew the people I cared about would be just inside those windows, and I wanted desperately to go see them, but I was afraid I would lose my nerve about what I had to do, so instead I stood frozen on the grounds, watching as the castle and its inhabitants moved to protect themselves from the oncoming battle. I was still standing frozen on the grounds, when a voice entered my mind and sent chills up my spine.

"I know that you are preparing to fight," the high cold voice of Tom Riddle spoke. "Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you. I have great respect for the teachers of Hogwarts. I do not want to spill magical blood."

I let out a shaky breath when he paused. It was starting now, and I wasn't sure I was ready for it.

"Give me Harry Potter," he demanded. "And they shall not be harmed. Give me Harry Potter and I shall leave the school untouched. Give me Harry Potter and you will be rewarded. You have until midnight."

And then it was silent once more. I backed away from the school slowly. Whether by the hand of a traitor or of his own volition, I knew that Harry would exit the cast soon enough. I would wait by the trees until he was on his way to Tom, and then I would do my last duty. I would leave it open for Hermione of Ron to make the last blow if I didn't get the chance, but by one hand or another, I would assure that Tom Riddle's legacy came to an end tonight.

The fight broke out soon after that, and I could feel the attacks from each side shaking the ground beneath us. The death eaters moved to break the defenses, instead of waiting until midnight like was promise, and the others moved to try and keep the defenses up. I stood by quietly, not raising my wand and watched. It wasn't time for me to do my part yet, and to my utter surprise a new song popped into my head. I hummed it to myself trying to keep calm as I waited for what was coming. I made a point to remember the new words as they played through my mind. If there was one thing I had learned from all my other lives, it was that a song of a phoenix when well-placed could change the tide. If offered at the right time it could bolster the hearts of those I fought with, and rattle the minds of those who fought against me. If it came to it, I would use these new words to unnerve the death eaters giving the side of good an opening, or just the courage to fight harder. It didn't matter much what as long as it hurt the side of darkness.

The death eaters eventually broke through the defenses, but in their haste to get to the castle they did not pay much attention to the grounds. A fierce battle waged as I walked on, and I tried not to let the guilt settle too deeply in my heart. I could not afford to give away my position before I completed the job left for me, so I could not curse the influx of black clad fighters, because no one on the grounds was considered a foe as of yet.

The fight slowly made its way onto the grounds, and as the fight increased, I was able to send some stunners in the direction of the death eaters without drawing their attention to me. I wasn't willing to risk sending a killing curse on the off chance that I hit someone from my own side. But bodies feel none-the-less, saving the people fight from at least one attacker. The numbers were still awful though, we were out numbers by far too many.

It wasn't long before I spotted the others. They were making their way to the whomping willow, so I hurried off after them. I managed to slid into the tunnel behind them without being noticed, but I had to be very careful to remain silent so they wouldn't realize they were being followed. I silently cast a tracking spell on Harry so I would still be able to find him if he put the cloak on and then I back away from the a bit so I could hear them but I would have a chance to hurry away if they started coming back my way.

I listened from a distance, and had to bit my fist to keep from crying when I realized that Snape was meeting his end tonight as well. Another wave of guilt rolled over me, when I realized he was being killed in an effort to make the elder wand work better for Tom when I had the elder wand in my own hand. My stomach rolled when I realized that he would not give him a quick death, and I had to clasp my hand over my mouth to silence myself and to keep from being sick on the ground.

The silver light on Harry's back that only I could see climbed into the shrieking shack, and he stayed in there a little longer than I would have liked. I was just thinking about going in after him, when the cold voice filled my mind once more.

"You have fought," he called out to everyone. "Valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery. Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste."

I had to fight off a scoff at that. That man, if you could call him that, did not care about saving lives. He didn't have the capacity in his torn soul to care about another like that.

"Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately." He said, and though he was lying of his mercy, I trusted that he would extract his forces for the time being. "You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat you injured."

He paused for a moment, and his voice hardened further when he continued.

"I speak now, Harry Potter, directly to you. You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the forbidden forest. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not given yourself up, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour."

Ron and Hermione tried to convince Harry not to listen, but I knew that he would. I knew before the hour was up, he would make his trek into the forest, and so I backed out of the tunnel to allow them to pass without finding me, and I waited beside the trees. I could still see the light of the trace I had put on him, so I felt no need to follow him and see what he would do before he went to his death. Instead I stood beside the trees, and focused myself.

I spent my time in waiting, hardening myself as much as I could. I tried to think of ways to hate Harry so this would be easier for me, but I couldn't do it. He was truly a good man, but I would have to murder him tonight anyway. I prayed to anyone that would listen to allow him to return once he was no longer a horcrux, but I had little faith that would happen. I prayed that I could make it through splitting my own soul tonight, but I had little faith in that either.

I had to wait awhile before he reappeared on the grounds, but somehow it didn't feel long enough of a wait either. I stood by the forest, as it grew colder and colder, and I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that it was because of dementors yet somehow they couldn't seem to reach me. I was trembling a bit from the cold; when I saw the silver light that was tracking Harry for me, grow close. I couldn't see him because he was hidden under the cloak, but I followed the light into the tree.

The light continued through the trees for a while before it came to an abrupt stop. I pulled up short behind him so I wouldn't crash into him. I wasn't sure if he had heard me or if something else was happening until he spoke.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, and I wasn't sure if he was talking to himself or me.

I was hesitant to answer him in anyway.

"I didn't want you to die." He spoke again, and I realized he couldn't be talking to me. "Any of you. I'm sorry."

"And right after you'd had your son… Remus, I'm sorry." He said, and then I understood. He had finally opened the snitch and found the resurrection stone. It lightened my heart a little to know he wouldn't be alone in the end.

"You'll stay with me?" he asked his voice shaking a bit.

There was a beat of quiet.

"They won't be able to see you?" he asked.

There was another beat.

"Stay close to me." He instructed the specters he must be speaking to, and then he started to move forward.

I followed him and we wound our way through the trees. We passed two death eaters, so I knew we were close. My heart started to race as I realized that the time had come. My throat tightened at the thought that I was really going to do it. We entered the clearing where Tom and his followers stood just as his death eaters were telling him that Harry had not come.

"I thought he would come," Tom said. "I expected him to come. I was, it seems… mistaken."

"You weren't." Harry said plainly, as he pulled the cloak off of himself.

"HARRY! NO!" Hagrid shouted, and my heart broke. He would bear witness to my betrayal.

I removed the disillusionment charm from myself, and I was revealed standing between Harry and Tom. For a moment I saw Tom's shocked face, his mouth frozen with the speech he had been about to give. I turned away from him, using the moment of surprise to follow through with what I was supposed to do.

"Harry," I said my voice thick, and shaky. "I know what you are here for. I know what has to happen, but I can't let it happen that way. I just want you to know how much I love you. I love you so so much Harry Potter."

His face, which had been twisted in confusion, relaxed as he understood what I was saying to him.

"I love you too Bianca," he breathed.

"Advada Kedavra." I whispered in a shaky voice.

The green light erupted from my wand, and Harry crumpled to the ground. To my surprise Tom collapsed as well. I felt certain as his guards moved to protect him and check on him, that he had no idea that his most elusive horcrux had been destroyed. Hagrid was yelling, and so were the death eaters. The tumult of sound was crashing against my eardrums, and my eyes were burning with the tears I couldn't let fall.

Tom climbed to his feet, sending Narcissa Malfoy to check that Harry was truly dead before he turned upon me.

"What have you done?" he screeched.

"I have just completed the final task left for me by Albus Dumbledore," I said as evenly as I could, doing my best to remain stone faced in front of him. "This war will end tonight, but I couldn't let Harry's death be at your hands."

"You still remain loyal to the old fool," he scoffed. "And you shall suffer for it. I will make sure that your allies know of your treachery. But first I must be sure you have done the deed."

He used a silent spell to pull me across the forest floor into his clutches as he waited for confirmation. Narcissa gave it to him, and he rejoiced. He tortured Harry's limp body, and I shook with hatred and sadness. Hagrid was a sobbing mess, and from where I was being held I had to watch it. My heart ached for him, but I could not comfort him when I was the cause of his pain. There were sparks of celebration flying around in the air along with Harry's body but I couldn't watch it anymore. Instead I focused my eyes on Hagrid. I let his grief lash at me, punishing me in the way I truly deserved.

"No, we shall return to the castle," Tom said with sickening joy. "The oaf shall carry the boy, and his lovely sister here will be escorted in the position of honor. We will show her in her truest form to those her thought her an ally."

Hagrid shook as he lifted Harry from the ground. He did not look at me, and I took that as a sign of what was to come. I would still fight to end this battle for the side of good, but I had little hope that they would see me as one of their own after this.

We moved, a terrible procession, to the edge of the trees before Tom stopped the group, so he could make his speech. As I was close to him now, I saw that he was using a modified sonorous that made it seem as if the voice was inside your head, but it was not actually there.

"Harry Potter is dead. He tried to run away, to save himself while you all laid down your lives. His very own sister cast the killing curse in retribution for his cowardice," he said with a slight lilt to his voice.

"We bring you his body as proof that your hero is gone."

We weren't close enough to hear a response, but it felt like I could feel their grief rolling across the grounds towards us. Perhaps I just felt a shadow of my own.

"The battle is won. You have lost half of your fighters. My death eaters outnumber you, and the boy who lived is finished. There must be no more war. Anyone who continues to resist, man, woman or child, will be slaughtered, as will every member of their family. Come out of the castle now, kneel before me, and you shall be spared. Your parents and children, brothers and sisters will live and be forgiven, and you will join me in the new world we shall build together."

Tom gave a few more instructions as he brought us forward, but I didn't hear him anymore. I had started to hum to myself, trying to both calm myself and disturb those around me. It had worked on Wormtail when I was being held hostage, and I could only hope it would work on the other death eaters as well.

Cries of no started to filter through to me, and I realized that the others had exited the castle. They could see Harry in Hagrid's arms. My eyes sought out Ron and Hermione in the crowd. They were crying. They would not look toward me, and I felt certain this meant that Hermione had not understood my parting words to her at the shell cottage. She believed that I had changed sides.

Neville broke from the mass and moved to attack Tom. He was quickly struck down, but it gave me courage. I began to sing aloud, and I saw that it had an effect on those standing closest to me. They shrunk way from me slightly their faces contorting with worry. So I sang louder.

_Send us a blindfold, send us a blade_

_Tell the survivors help is on the way_

_I was a blindfold, never complained_

_All the survivors singing in the rain_

_I was the one with the world at my feet_

_Got us a battle, leave it up to me_

_Find us a trap door, find us a plane_

_Tell the survivors help is on the way_

_I was a blindfold never complained_

_All the survivors singing in the rain_

_I was the one with the world at my feet_

_Got us a battle, leave it up to me_

_What it is and where it stops nobody knows_

_You gave me a life I never chose_

_I wanna leave but the world won't let me go_

_I wanna leave but the world won't let me go_

_What it is and where it stops nobody knows_

_You gave me a battle I never chose_

_I was the one with the world at my feet_

_Got us a battle, leave it up to me_

_(metric)_

By the time I stopped singing, I had everyone's full attention. The defenders of Hogwarts were standing a little taller, and the death eaters were cringing away from me slightly. Tom had turned to face me entirely with an awful sneer on his face, his argument with Neville forgotten. I saw behind him that Neville was holding the sorting hat, but it was on fire.

Things happened quickly in Tom's distraction. Grawp made an attack, and in the chaos it caused the death eaters broke rank somewhat, and to my immense surprise and relief I saw Harry move. He pulled out his invisibility cloak and disappeared from view of everyone but me. Neville pulled the sword of Gryffindor from within the burning hat, and swiftly cut the head of the snake and final horcrux.

There was pandemonium as the battle began to rage again, and I took the moment to make my move. I focused on my intense need to protect those fighters before me, using it to channel the flames to both of my hands, as I silently cast sonorous on myself to be heard over the racket.

"Stop," I commanded, surprised to see that people stilled at my voice. "The day has come for Harry and Tom to face their final battle, and I shall assure that they fight it alone. No death eater shall aid their master on this day."

There were cheers from the defenders of Hogwarts and jeers from the death eaters.

"If there are any among you who wish to leave Tom Riddle's cause I will give you this one chance to do so." I paused, but no one moved. "Do none of you believe that I have the power to end this? Do you need a demonstration of my prowess?"

Still no one moved, so I moved swiftly. I threw the flames from my hands igniting both Yaxely and McNair. They collapsed dead and burnt within seconds, and cries of outrage erupted from the other death eaters.

"Now I give you one last chance," I said in a cold voice that I hardly recognized as my own. "If you wish to be spared, leave now."

The Malfoys did not need further encouragement. Draco and his parents fled the grounds, but the others stood their ground. I did not hesitate to strike once the Malfoys were free. I focused my entire being, and let flame erupt across my skin. I heard cries all around me, but I tuned them out. I burst with speed from my current position in an arch over the death eaters leaving a trail of fire behind me.

At first the death eaters just watched in wonder, but as I created a second and third arch over them, weaving my net around them quickly they began to realize they were in trouble. As I saw a few of them trying to flee, I swept along the bottom of the large circle I had created blocking them in with a wall of fire as tall as they were. In a matter of second I had weaved the rest of the cage. I came to rest in front of it, facing the others as Harry and Tom fought verbally. My back burned with the flames that connected to each band of the cage. I could feel the heat grow stronger and stronger as I held them where, and I was pretty sure they were actually burning my flesh, but I ignored it. Instead taking in what Harry was saying.

"Aren't you listening? Snape never beat Dumbledore! Dumbledore's death was planned between them! Dumbledore intended to die, undefeated, the wand's last true master! If all had gone as planned, the wand's power would have died with him, because it had never been won from him!" Harry shouted at the man.

"Harry is partially right of course," I interjected, suddenly understanding where Harry must have gone when he disappeared after Snape's death, but not having time to think about it. "He of course is missing a vital piece of information, that you must know in you heart of hearts Tom."

"What is that witch?" he spat at me.

"That at the end of his life not only was Albus not the person who held power over the elder wand, but he was also not in possession of the wand." I said with the tiniest of grimaces as the flames licked across my skin painfully. "Surely you know that you do not hold the elder wand in your hand. Surely you can sense that it does not hold the power it should."

"Your lies do no fool me child," he said as if he was talking to a grandchild. "I can feel the intense power of the wand in my hand. I know that it is what it appears to be."

"You are mistaken," I said plainly, pulling my own wand from my robes. "Finite incantatem."

The glamour placed on the two wands disappeared, revealing the knobbed elder wand in my hand, and the twisted duel wood wand in Tom's.

"You see?" I asked him. "On the night that Albus Dumbledore knew his death was upon him, he called me to his office. My job was simply. I was to overpower him, and change the allegiance of the wand. He knew you better than you know yourself Tom. He knew you would seek out this wand, and he made it so you could never have it before you even choose to search for it. I have been the master of the elder wand for a year now, and you had no idea, because you sensed the power of my former wand which you hold in your hand, and you miss read it."

I paused, and to my surprise he had no response.

"I suppose you are wondering why then you have had such trouble with the wand," I pushed. "Even with all the people you have killed to assert your power. It is simple really. That wand still recognizes me as its master, as it was never taken from me, but simply loaned to me adoptive father in his time of need. You see Tom, I stand before you, a witch who has never once in her life been disarmed."

"You lie, I myself have overpowered you," he sneered.

"You have beaten and chained me yes," I agreed easily. "But think hard Tom, have you ever taken my wand from me? No. I have ran into several sticky situations throughout my years, but in them I have either been wandless to begin with, discarded my wand, or hidden it away to keep it from being taken. Thus it has not wavered in its loyalty to me."

"I can still control it," he screeched.

"Sure you can, you're a powerful wizard," I smiled. "But you cannot use it to strike against me, and thus you cannot save your followers. You have only once choice left before you, and it is to fight Harry Potter as an equal. And you will lose."

Harry did not hesitate to follow the silent instruction I was giving him. He cast the spell to disarm Tom, just as Tom struck with the killing curse. The two spells hit in the air and caused an explosion the spells rebound; Harry's missing him, but the killing curse hitting its mark on its maker. Tom collapsed to the ground unmoving, while my wand rolled from his hand.

Screams issued from within my fiery cage as the death eaters saw their master fall and knew their end was near but they were covered by the cheers of the people I loved. Harry turned to look at me, just as I felt the flames rolling forward from my back and starting to encase my torso and arms.

"Bianca," he said quietly, finally meeting my eyes. "I forgive you, and I understand."

"Thank you," I breathed shakily, losing the fight with the tears that were burning my eyes.

He moved as if to hug me, but came up short at the realization that he would be burned. I gave him a sad smile and shook my head.

"The craziness can end now," I said in a firm voice that I knew everyone could hear. I brought my arms up, and snapped the elder wand in two, dropping it into the flames that were pooling around me. "I love you all, I hope you know that."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione all nodded, but no one seemed able to speak. I looked at the cage of flame I had built, and the flames that were slowly eating me alive before I spoke again.

"Love is kind of like a fire," I smiled through the tears looking at all of the survivors in front of me with all the love in my heart. "But whether it is going to warm you heart, or burn your house down, you can never tell."

And with that I stepped backward. I could hardly feel it when I crossed the flame barrier because my back was already raw from the flames that were burning fiercely in a way that they had never before. My ears were full of the cries of the death eaters, but I tuned them out. I could feel them pushing and shoving against me as they all tried to get out, but I focused only on bringing the flame net back to me. I drew it from its large size slowly in, the screams of the people on the furthest edges erupting as the net ignited them. I could see them all start to fall as the net crawled closer to me. It was ending them all just how I had told them I would.

It slowly crept closer and closer, bringing my own end with it. The death eaters huddled closer and closer to me when they realized they could not apparate out, and the flames killed them almost instantly. They clung to my sides desperately as if it would save them, but they did not understand that I was ending myself in my efforts to protect the good. It was painful physically and emotionally to do what I had to do for the greater good, but I would ensure that this was the last wizarding war. Even though it would be the last thing I would do.

The flames burned the death eaters closest to me as the net got within a few feet of me. It crept closer, the heat around me growing more intense. The last two death eaters, that clung to my robes with fear in their eyes fell, and then I felt the flames upon my skin. It was an agony I could not explain. I had felt the flame upon my skin so many times before, and it had been like the loving touch of a friend, but this was not the same. It wasn't even like burning your hand on a campfire or touching a burning cauldron. Instead it was like all the hate in the world set to flame licking across my skin. It hurt physically but it also hurt emotionally. It felt like being eaten alive.

I moved slowly from my extremities in. My legs gave out from the pain of it, and I fell slumped on the ground with my eyes screwed shut in pain. The heat grew hotter and hotter as it crawled towards my center. It was excruciating but I fought with every fiber of my being to remain silent. When it finally reached its target of my heart, my chest heaved up with the force of it exploding out of me into the air. I got to see a glimpse of the beautiful sparks that rained down from the sky before everything was gone.


	82. Chapter 82

_**Song for this chapter: Use Your Words by Owen**_

* * *

**HPOV**

* * *

After the battle ended, and the wounded had been tended those of us who still lived worked to put our world back together. Harry, Ron, and I helped with the repairs needed at the castle. We took up residence in vacant rooms in Hogsmeade, and it was strange to see the village look exactly the same when the school was hardly still in existence. One evening, when our work was nearly done, and I was closeted away in my room for a bit of much needed alone time I decided it was time to unpack my beaded bag for the first time since the group of us went on the run. I stacked everything in neat piles, and I was surprised to find a stack of journals tied together with a note on top. It appeared Bianca had left something behind for me.

_Dear Hermione,_

_If all things have gone as they should, then you are likely in an emotional point in your life while reading this letter. Of course I've hidden it in your things, so there is a chance you will read this before I have died. I hope that isn't the case, because things would be much harder for you then. You are a dear friend to me and I wish that you would not suffer at all._

_That being said I have given you this letter because I am going to die. It will be soon, of that I am certain, and because of that I am entrusting my life story to your hands. That probably sounds a bit self-involved, but I believe once you have read my journals you will understand why I have done this. I think maybe you will be the only one left who could really understand why this story needs to be told. Harry would love me too much to want to share the mistakes I have made, and after he has read it all Ron will hate me too much to want anything to do with it. I would understand if you hated me as well because I have deceived all of you, but I believe even in hate you would see the bigger picture._

_So I am asking you to take what I have written and have it composed into a book. I am sorry that I don't have the courage to tell you the full truth in person, but it is all there for you to read. I'm sorry that I couldn't trust all of you the way you have trusted me. It is my deepest regret. So as emotionally manipulative as it is I have a dying wish to ask of you. Please fill the final journal with how the story ends. Please make sure that this story is shared with the world. I want people to have access to it on the off chance that someone ends up in the same position I have found myself in. I would not want their search for the truth to be as hard as mine was._

_I hope you know even now, after everything we've been through how much I love you. We've gone through a lot, but in the end we have been friends for a very long time, and it is without regret or trepidation that I will lay down my life so you might keep yours. I hope you and Ron will have the brilliant future I imagine for you as I am writing this._

_With all I have to offer,_

_Bianca _

_P.S. I hope you will be able to forgive me for turning my wand on Harry. I can't know if he will survive it, but I do know that he will surely perish if it is Voldemort to cast the curse and seal the prophecy. It will be the worst thing I have ever done, and as such I would understand if you do not forgive me._

I cried just reading the first few lines. I could hardly hold the letter still in my hand thinking of how she had penned this letter to me expecting her death to come to her swiftly. How had none of us noticed the change in her? Surely there must have been some change in her when she realized she would not survive the war? She had been wrapped in so many secrets. How had she lived beside us all year when she already knew she must end the life of her brother? I had thought that I had known her so well, but after everything that had happened I was beginning to realize that I hadn't known her at al.

I understood from her letter that I was going to get to know her very well soon. I stared at the stack of journals knowing that the last one would be blank, but I worried about the others. Those journals were full to the brim with her brutally honest retelling of her life. Her first request was simple. To read what she had written. To know and understand who and what she was. I could do that. I needed to do that if I was going to have any sense of closure.

Her second request was more difficult. She wanted me to fill the blank journal with how it all ended. Could I put that all down on paper? Just thinking about the sight of the flames, the smell of burning flesh, the cries of everyone that was dying was torture. Would I be able to stand remembering it long enough to pen even an outline of those that few minutes of her life? I wasn't sure I could.

Her third request confused me a bit. She wanted it all published. Why? Bianca had always been such a private person, why would she change that now? Why would she put that all out there for the world to see? I took her words on faith and believed that I would understand it after I had read the journals. She wrote her love for me into the letter and I thought it might destroy me. The sobs it drew from my chest threatened to be deadly. I would never hear her say that again. I couldn't tell her that I loved her. I couldn't tell her how grateful I was that she had graciously stepped aside for my pursuit of Ron. Even the simple kiss we shared before the final battle had been like a moment of heaven, and I would always be thankful that she hadn't kept that from me.

I had to stop myself from thinking about Ron at a time like this though. IF I was going to focus on reading these journals, and getting the end of her story written I could not be day dreaming about the boy who was busy with funeral arrangements at the moment anyway. So I took the first journal from the stack and cracked it open. I was surprised by how rushed Bianca's normally neat and even print looked. It wasn't so messy as to keep it from being legible, but it was not her usual handwriting. It looked as if she was in a race to finish them all before something, perhaps her death.

I started to read, and I almost immediately discovered the explanation, however hard to believe, for the incredible magic I had seen Bianca perform at the end of the battle. She wasn't human. Suddenly her disappearances made a bit more sense as I read about her travels via the same flames she had destroyed the ranks of death eaters with.

I quickly devoured the journals in front of me. Night fell around me, but I did not stop reading. I lit my wand and continued to learn. I came to understand the secrets she had kept, and the lies she had been forced to tell to do so. I kept reading well past the breaking of dawn, desperate to know the whole story before I rested.

My mind froze on the very last line she had written. _Was I the villain?_ The handwriting had been sloppy, and I could practically see her hand shaking in my mind's eye? Had she been? I didn't think so, but how would history remember her for killing so many people in that final battle? Would the people who heard the story in the future care that she had done it for the greater good?

I wanted to understand why she was gone even more when I set the last journal on the floor. She was a phoenix, why hadn't she risen from the ashes? Had it been the alterations made to her heart by the muggle doctors that prevented it? Or perhaps the limitations created by her becoming human made it so she could not regenerate? Was it possible that she simply hadn't wanted to? Harry had said that when he appeared in Limbo he was present with the choice to live or die. Had Bianca been given that same choice? I could believe that she would chose death if she had been given such a choice. Her life had seen far too much pain. Surely she had been done.

As all of her secrets floated through my mind I understood why Bianca had left this task to me. I understood the importance of sharing her story. It was something the magical community needed to know about, but more than that the knowledge needed to be there if someone like Bianca was born again. Her search had been arduous and confusing, and I would want to spare anyone else the same ache.

The task could not be left to Harry or Ron though. Harry was still so lost in mourning for her that I doubted even letting him read the journals was a good idea. He loved her dearly, and his loyalty ran so deep that he would want to bury these books. He would want to preserve her the indignity of people knowing some of the things she had done, but that isn't what Bianca would have wanted. Nothing demonstrated the characteristics of the phoenix in human form better than some of the choices she made in her life. She had told lies, she had committed crimes, she had taken lives, but that was not the end all be all of Bianca Potter.

Ron would be terribly upset. I didn't believe Bianca's statement that he would hate her, but I did believe he would struggle. She had lied to him, and he would be hurt because of that. But more than anything I think he would struggle with her origins. Would he think it bestiality that he had been with her? I hoped not, but his temper ran so hot sometimes that I wouldn't put it past him to feel that way at first. I loved the man, but he did have a flash fire temper at times. Would he destroy the books if he knew of them?

She would have been forced to leave it to me, because I would and did understand. The story needed to be known. Both the good and the bad of it needed to be shared with the world. Everyone needed to know the whole story to understand how we came to be a community who was freed of war but with nearly half of us gone with the only heirloom a patch of black ground before the Hogwarts castle that could not be restored.

The overall point other than explaining that the conversion from bird to human could really happen was to make sure that people understood that the characteristics of the phoenix came with it. The truest traits were blindingly clear in every choice Bianca made, and people needed to understand.

The fierce, almost blind loyalty to those they loved came with it. The compulsion to punish the wicked came with it as well. With proper training some of the abilities of the bird came through as well, but maybe learning to use them was not the best choice a person could make. I think if I had the chance to ask Bianca if she would have liked to forget how to control flames in such a harmful way she would say yes. I think with what a big heart she had in her human life she would have felt incredibly guilty over what she had done, even if her phoenix nature told her it was the right thing to do.

So with the weight of such an immense story on my shoulders I took the blank journal in hand. I twirled my quill around between my fingers trying to find the best way to write this. My heart hurt to think of those minutes that I wanted to burry away, but I did it in honor of her memory.

I detailed her departure from or group, and how I felt certain this was the time in which she learned to use the flame powers she would use in the final battle. I wrote about how she had killed Harry, and yet somehow he did not die. I spelled out the exact color and temperature of the flames she threw that immediately scorched the two grown men. My hand shook but I even managed to describe the many colors held in the flame cage she wove around the death eaters. I was sobbing by the time I finished, but I told the story of how she had brought death to them all. I finished with the explanation of her final moments, and how her body had not been reduced to ash when she had burned. She had fallen just like the others, but she did not regenerate like a phoenix should.

When it was done I felt like there was still much left to be said, but I didn't know how to say it. Perhaps I was just lost emotionally and that created the need I felt rather than a lacking in the story. I didn't want to change anything Bianca had written so I set out to write the forward instead. My quill began to scratch across the paper for a moment I stared at the words I had written.

_Charles Dickens once wrote: It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known. I imagine this was written specifically for Bianca Potter_.

It wasn't a bad line. If it were an opening for a school paper I would expect high marks, but it felt wrong. I scratched it out and stared at the stack of journals trying to find the write words to begin the story of Bianca Potter's life. My mind drifted to her face stained with tears and strained with indescribable pain as she fought to maintain that cage of fire, and the words wrote themselves. They were the perfect words because she had said them herself.

_Love is kind of like a fire, but whether it is going to warm your heart, or burn your house down, you can never tell. No one better understood those words that Bianca Potter._

From there the forward essentially wrote itself. I stared at the stack of journals, and I knew when they were condensed down into type they would be in one book with a somewhat clinical nature as the handwriting was diminished to sterile font. I decided then that I would let the boys read the journals in their original form before I went into Flourish and Blots and spoke to them about publishing. Bianca was certain to be awarded an Order of Merlin, and I would speak to Harry about using the stipend that came with that to pay for any publishing fees that might exist. If he chose to deny that in an effort to keep this story secret I would take on the fees myself. I hoped in the end he would not do something so childish. It had been incredibly enlightening to know the whole story, and to understand the rare magic that had taken place for such a thing to happen. It was only right that other people be given that same chance.

_Fin_


End file.
